🌈 "Coming Out to Ourselves: The First Step to Being Open" 🎙️ | Episode 17

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🌈✨ In this episode of "Coffee with Gays," Blaine, Adam, Ryan, and our special guest hottie Reed open up about our coming out journeys, emphasizing the crucial step of coming out to ourselves before friends and family. These heartfelt stories are filled with challenges, triumphs, and humor. Get ready to laugh and be inspired as we share our unique experiences. Don't miss the fun game segment and the deep reflections on what it means to come out and live authentically. 🌈✨

Show Notes with Timestamps:

[00:00] 🗣️ Introduction: Blaine opens the episode and introduces the topic.
[00:23] 🔄 Re-Recording: Blaine explains the re-recording of the episode and renaming it to "Coming Out to Ourselves."
[01:17] 📅 Upcoming Episode Teaser: Adam and Blaine discuss an upcoming two-part episode featuring their friend Matt's dramatic coming out story.
[02:12] 🎬 Chely Wright's Documentary: Adam shares the story of country music artist Chely Wright's coming out journey and her documentary "Wish Me Away."
[06:23] 🎤 Impact on Careers: The group discusses the impact of coming out on careers, especially in conservative environments like country music.
[10:22] 🎲 The Game - This or That: A fun game segment where the hosts choose between options like "short or tall" and "cats or dogs."
[20:00] 👤 Coming Out Stories Begin: Adam starts with his coming out story, discussing the challenges and realizations he faced.
[29:39] 📖 Ryan's Story: Ryan shares his experience of coming out, including the support from his family and the journey of self-discovery.
[38:05] 💬 Blaine's Story: Blaine talks about his coming out journey, his religious upbringing, and how his family eventually accepted him.
[44:57] 🌟 Reed's Story: Reed discusses his coming out, including the initial conversations with his family and friends.
[50:00] 👫 Discussion on Preferences: The group humorously discusses their preferences and experiences related to roles.
[54:12] ✨ Closing Remarks: The hosts reflect on their stories and the importance of coming out and self-acceptance.

Resources and Support:

• PFLAG: Offers support for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families. Visit PFLAG.org 📞 1-202-467-8180
• The Trevor Project: Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ youth. Visit TheTrevorProject.org or call 📞 1-866-488-7386.
• It Gets Better Project: An online platform where LGBTQ+ individuals share their coming out stories and offer encouragement. Visit ItGetsBetter.org

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

We're going to be the loud ones. We're willing to speak out.

Speaker 2: 0:02

I'm not politically correct. If you want the truth, I'll give it to you.

Speaker 3: 0:06

We're going to start having this wine. Maybe we'll show some true colors.

Speaker 1: 0:13

Welcome to Coffee with Gaze Adam. Take us away with our topic today. I'm coming out, I want the world to know.

Speaker 2: 0:25

Got to let it show I'm coming out. I want the world to know I'm coming out.

Speaker 3: 0:35

I want the world to know, I'm coming out, I'm coming out, I'm coming out, I'm coming out.

Speaker 2: 0:38

I'm coming out, I'm coming out. I'm coming out. I'm coming out. I'm coming out. I'm coming out, I'm coming out, I'm coming out, I'm coming out. Our special guest. Today we have a guest today we do Reid.

Speaker 1: 0:45

Hey buddy, this is Reid. Speak louder, speaking louder.

Speaker 2: 0:48

It's our coming out episode.

Speaker 1: 0:51

Finally, we've re-recorded this one probably 28 times. It was our first episode of Coffee with Gaze and it was really, really bad. It wasn't great. And round two with Reid wasn't great either. So we're re-rec't great and round two with Reed wasn't great either. So we're re-recording it. And you know, originally I called this episode Coming Out and Owning it, but I wanted to rename it to Coming Out to Ourselves the first start to being open. Because I think now we've had so many powerful coming out stories that we've talked about. I think the big unlock for all of us has been you have to come out to yourself before you can come out to everyone else, and I think that a lot of people in our lives don't really understand that. So the reason we felt it was so important to talk about our coming out stories is we have a very special two part episode coming up with our friend Matt, who was ripped out of the closet after 35 years of marriage. I don't even know if it was ripped out of the closet after 35 years of marriage.

Speaker 2: 1:45

I don't even know if it was ripped out. I think it was like held hostage by what happened, like it was horrific, and if you don't know anything about it which there's not a lot of us that know about it, but you should really watch it because it's quite we had to make it a two-parter, yeah, and we recorded it in a studio.

Speaker 1: 2:03

Yeah, it was sad but it's also happy. It's about his post coming out. It's about how someone outed him and you know the traumatic aspects of all of it and I think we actually have some pretty I think trauma coming out stories. Quite frankly, I know all of yours.

Speaker 2: 2:19

Ours are. We have a cakewalk compared to others.

Speaker 1: 2:23

Yeah, so, but Matt's was very, very difficult, so we wanted to tell ours first, and we felt that was really important, and then, after this, we'll be launching our two-part series. With him Ripped Out of the Closet, a family man's unveiling after 35 years yeah, matt's story. So we're excited about that one.

Speaker 2: 2:39

So a friend of mine, his name's Chuck, met him back in Baltimore years ago. He is a very close friend to country music artist Shelly Wright.

Speaker 1: 2:50

So, adam, for people who don't know who is Shelly Wright, what song is she known for?

Speaker 2: 2:55

Shelly Wright's known for that special lover.

Speaker 1: 3:09

To put it in a nutshell a one-woman man who doesn't want no other. Oh, you never can tell. She just might be your dream come true.

Speaker 2: 3:19

A single white female is looking for a man like you. That's a good song. She's also known for Shut Up and Drive.

Speaker 1: 3:33

She's known for Jezebel hey, I do not forgive and I do not forget.

Speaker 2: 3:41

I will fight for love until the death. I will fight for love until the death. Jezebel, save your charms, you'll be back here in my arms.

Speaker 1: 3:56

Oh, how quickly you'll forget. He's not yours yet. He's not yours, not yet.

Speaker 3: 4:08

You know, I didn't know until any of these her name, any of these songs, until Bradley introduced me to 90s.

Speaker 2: 4:15

Did you ever hear her before? You See, I grew up with her, like in the 90s, 2000s. I loved her to death and then when I found out she came out, I was like hey. But then literally her career dropped and Shelly Wright put out a documentary that he told me he was like go watch this. It's an amazing documentary about her being in the country music business and her entire coming out over 40 years of her life and just how she had to hide that, Because country music, as we all know it, and all of us know it, is the most conservative genre out there.

Speaker 2: 4:55

As far as music, it's the hardest thing to come out to and she held that knowing that her entire career was on the line. And it's called Wish Me Away. It's an amazing documentary. Everybody should go out and just see it and see the pain that she went through to try to come out. It's amazing. But still, even today I mean Reed and I talked about this Brothers Osborne came out. It's still not as progressive as we would think because of the people who are actually listening to the music, but as much as the Country Music Awards want to push it and all that stuff, it's still not where it should be After 12 years.

Speaker 4: 5:38

Considering the documentary was 12.

Speaker 2: 5:41

So it's just sad and I don't think that we'll ever see the progression go to a really good forward situation until that older generation dies out sadly that when she came out even though she was on country top number ones like she was voted the top 25 sexiest women of country music. She knew that when she came out it was going to change her entire career, if not kill her career.

Speaker 1: 6:22

So all three or all four of us watched the documentary. Right, I have to say, as much as I didn't want to watch this documentary because you liked it, I actually found it to be a really painful story and I really did feel a lot of her pain especially. It's almost like a countdown to coming out. But I have to say, and I think reed would agree, it was 2012, which is a very different time. We've made a lot of progress since then and I remember being gay back then. Obviously, I came out in 2003. And it was still really difficult back then.

Speaker 2: 6:53

Were you like 54 back then.

Speaker 1: 6:55

No, I was right in college. But yeah, I really felt her pain through all of it and it was like a countdown 20 days to coming out, 10 days to coming out, and you know it's really rough on her, I think, being uh, an artist and I still working with her team and publicists and things like that.

Speaker 3: 7:12

But I thought it was interesting how intentional she like planned out this is how I'm gonna do it, um. But also I think she made a point to say, um, you know, doing it that way, so it can be trying to do it like right and so other people can hear her and it's, like, you know, done in a certain way. So, yeah, I thought that was a really interesting part of her approach to it.

Speaker 2: 7:33

So what's funny is because, like of it being so, such a conservative genre group right for the music. It's sad because she knew she was putting everything she had on the line. She was, she was at the top of country country music, like she had multiple like top hit charts number one, you know songs and all that stuff, and she basically was like I'm going to give up everything. I have to sit here and be who I really am. And that's where, like it kind of bothers me, where people are like, oh, you want to be gay, and I'm like, no, nobody ever wakes up and goes I want to go and be gay and I want to get bashed on what I do my entire life. Nobody wants that. That's not what we want. So it's sad and it's you know she put everything on the line and she took that risk.

Speaker 3: 8:24

And she was, I mean fighting it for so long 40 years and holding that within. And then the other part, like you know, when she talked about being in that classroom and holding it back, even though she knew she could be an inspiration for kids but she was still not in a place for herself to come out.

Speaker 2: 8:40

So I'll touch base on that. So in one part of the documentary she knew that she was gay and she was doing everything. I mean, this is also a country music artist who dated brad paisley, who's very well known right, and she dated brad and she knew she was doing the wrong thing, so she pulled away from brad paisley and it crushed her like that posted him all together.

Speaker 4: 9:02

His band members were calling her like she just ignored him altogether. That broke my heart.

Speaker 2: 9:07

Because the thing is, what does she do in that point? She can't sit there and go. Okay, I just can't be with you. She had to ghost and go. Well, I mean technically she could.

Speaker 4: 9:19

Again, this was 2012, so I understand. I'm trying to put myself in her shoes. So I get it. I probably would have done the same thing, but it's still I don't know. My innate reaction to anything is just give me some sort of expert. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 9:30

Like just say something and she was torn up in that documentary about that. But it's sad because she would say that she would go to these you know, it was like nonprofits, fundraisers, all that to help kids get in music and she would sit there and she'd be like I know that I'm standing in front of a child or a kid that's gay, that's trying to just express themselves, and she goes, I would hand them an instrument and be like you'll be fine, instead of being I'm the one that you can look after. And that's what part of this made her want to come out. It's so sad but I mean I will say this Thank God she did it because it opened up. It cracked that door open for so many more that are in the country music business, and I hope I mean TJ Osborne, you've got Ty Hurton, you've got Shelly Wright, like there's way more down the line that are going to open up.

Speaker 1: 10:26

Little Nas X.

Speaker 3: 10:28

I feel like it was a big deal last year, but I feel like I haven't heard as much from him.

Speaker 1: 10:32

He had one song considered country. It's like Beyonce's album.

Speaker 2: 10:40

Was he on the Country Music Awards? I think yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 10:45

I think one of the big takeaways for me too is she had to sing all these songs about men Like yeah looking for a man.

Speaker 2: 10:55

I will say, if you ever watch her music video, it was. It is so sad and I honestly think that she, whoever wrote it I can't say that she wrote it, but whoever wrote it literally wrote about her life because it's basically about a love connection that was great and strong and real but she couldn't keep it and it's so sad and I feel like it's about her lesbian life with it and it's so sad but it's so good.

Speaker 1: 11:25

And if you're going through a breakup, goddamn, you always get broken up with and then you cry he's got a lot of feelings, despite just it being such an asshole. I mean, you know, I guess there are feelings down there. So that was another inspiration we had, shelly wright.

Speaker 2: 11:46

Uh, you know, obviously our friend matt, and yeah, but like, like, here's the thing, and across the board, with anybody that's coming out for, anybody that's a parent, friend, anybody that's on the outside of somebody that's gay, um, and even people who are gay, because I say this too, comments about gay people can push somebody back in the closet 10, 15, 20 years, even if you're gay. So say that we were all four straight guys, you know, sitting here and I was gay and obviously Blaine was gay and I was trying to defend, like I didn't want somebody thinking that I was gay, and I literally said to one of my friends in front of Blaine oh, there's fucking fags and cocksucker, whatever. I can't say this shit, can I so? But anyway, that would not only deflect off of me but it could push somebody else that's in the closet back in the closet. How much? And that's the thing where you know who cares these days, like who cares if somebody's gay, who cares? A lot of people still do, but it's that older generation and it's that.

Speaker 4: 13:01

I feel like there were many circumstances or situations where I was like this close coming out back then and I would hear my dad maybe say, oh fucking faggot, cut me off as I was coming down the highway fucking flame. He used to say flamers, yeah, like that was a big thing, flamers in south florida. And I was just like I don't even know what he's talking about.

Speaker 2: 13:20

But I'm gonna turn what do you think I mean, like it's a lot of the first people.

Speaker 4: 13:25

Well, I mean, the ironic thing is, I think my dad just like blew up but did he mean to do that? Like once you came out, did he like I'm sorry didn't matter who, who it was, whatever feature he could pick off somebody, he would go, you know okay, so, so, so we'll go with that.

Speaker 2: 13:42

We'll say one in every 10 people are gay, right? So, as somebody on the outside of this who's straight, think about that with what you're saying every time you're in a conversation, because you could really mess somebody up by that like bad For sure. The sad part about it is it's not something that you see, it's not a color of skin, it's not a gender. It is something internal that a person has to process and go through. And then they have to be ready first to say to themselves I'm gay. Because that's the hardest thing ever is to sit there and go I'm gay and I'm okay with being gay with myself, to figure it out, and then to come back and say you know what? I'm okay, now that I'm okay with myself, to come out and to be gay with the world.

Speaker 2: 14:38

So the best way that I can explain this is like being on top of the Empire State Building and standing there looking over the edge and going. I am finding where I am, though I'm scared, or I jump and come back down the ground level and hope that I land and I can make it, and it is probably been the hardest thing that I've ever done. What are my top three? Hardest thing? I mean, what about you, blake?

Speaker 1: 15:05

No, it's for sure the hardest thing, I think, because it just affects so many people friends, family, everything in your life, quite frankly and you know it's funny because everybody always knew, obviously but you know, actually coming to terms with it. I think the hardest part was coming to terms with it myself, but we're going to get into that, but always come in terms with it myself, but we're gonna get into that. But, yeah, I think that was a really good foundation for the episode before we start telling our stories yeah, I mean, this was.

Speaker 2: 15:28

This was like one of those things where, you know, my buddy chuck was like you've got to watch this. If you're gonna do an episode of this, you gotta watch this, and it was sugar. We're gonna lighten this up a little bit, so we're gonna play a game that we always love doing, so this game is called this or that. So I'm gonna say something and we're gonna go in clockwise. We'll start with blaine, we go to ryan, we'll come to me, we're gonna read to be clear on the rules.

Speaker 1: 15:53

It is this or that.

Speaker 3: 15:55

You don't get both, ryan no gray area, you know, in between. Just have fun with it, yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:03

First thing on this or that is short or tall, and this is not what you are, but what you want Short or tall.

Speaker 1: 16:12

Blaine, Well, I'm tall, but I do love a tall guy, Like if there was a guy that was taller than me like I'm 6'5", I mean I would like literally swim for that for sure. But nothing wrong with a short king as well. I've had quite a few of those. You wouldn't believe how many short guys come up to me.

Speaker 2: 16:29

Ryan short or tall, tall, I would say short.

Speaker 4: 16:36

Oh, tall yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:37

Okay, summer or winter Blame?

Speaker 1: 16:42

I like winter, I do. I like a snowy moment with the fireplace and coziness.

Speaker 3: 16:47

Definitely summer is my season.

Speaker 2: 16:49

I'm all about summer, probably winter guides, long or thick, and I'm not talking about a bush.

Speaker 1: 16:56

I would say thick over long. That's a hard one, thick.

Speaker 3: 17:01

Yeah Well, I know I can't. I can't choose both yes or that Thick. Yeah Well, I know I can't.

Speaker 2: 17:04

I can't choose both yes or that you told me. I would say thick Reed.

Speaker 4: 17:08

Long would probably be easier, but thick.

Speaker 2: 17:11

This one's going to be cats or dogs. Blaine Easy Dogs, dogs, I'm dogs. Reed 100%.

Speaker 4: 17:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 17:20

Yeah, no question. We do have a cat friend, so it's not like we all hate cats. So this next one is going to be a little bit of a dicey, because it's kind of two different ends in spectrum for this, but it's going to be Tinder or Grindr, and I'm not saying one thing for dating, one thing for hookup, just in general. What do you like better, tinder or Grindr?

Speaker 1: 17:42

I would say Grindr and I get dates from Grindr. It's not like I'm just hooking up, just to be clear. Yeah, going with Grindr.

Speaker 2: 17:48

I'm going to go with Tinder. So Ryan went with Grindr. I'm going to go with Tinder, reid.

Speaker 4: 17:53

First of all, I'm not on any dating app and I've never had a Grindr. You've never had a Grindr. Yes, If I were to.

Speaker 1: 18:01

Because Reed's a dater, he likes to date. Right Is Tinder more datey?

Speaker 2: 18:07

I feel like because Tinder you have to one match, which I do like that, I don't need people like pecking at me is what I want to say, Like hey, how come you're not responding? Blah, blah, blah. I hate that With Tinder. If I don't feel like we have anything in common, I just swipe left, Then I don't have to deal with it. Then, on the flip side, if I see somebody hot, then I want to peck at them. The next one is one of my favorites, Texting or calling Blaine.

Speaker 1: 18:41

Texting and I cannot stand the calling people. They drive me nuts I do like calling.

Speaker 3: 18:46

I know I text a lot, but I like calls I'm a million times over call because I can.

Speaker 2: 18:52

I can get my whole conversation and it's been a controversy through all of our friends because they don't like it. Oh, there's friends in our group, they go here, we go, hey, adam, and I'm like don't even. And they're like what? And I'm like you're putting on the front, eric, and but the thing is is I can get out everything in three minutes versus 800 pages of text message.

Speaker 4: 19:19

So I would agree with calling yeah.

Speaker 2: 19:22

This one's going to be controversial. Cher or Lady Gaga? Blaine's up first.

Speaker 1: 19:28

Oh shit, that's a hard one, because I love a Lady Gaga concert. It's like my one thing that I just the best joy. I will say the Queen Cher.

Speaker 3: 19:41

I'm saying Lady Gaga.

Speaker 2: 19:43

I would say Cher Reid. I would say Cher Reid, I would say Cher.

Speaker 3: 19:47

I think there's some. Do you think there's like a generational factor here?

Speaker 1: 19:52

Are you calling us?

Speaker 2: 19:54

Yes, I am, so this is a good one. So would you rather be at home on a date night cooking, or would you rather do takeout?

Speaker 1: 20:06

Blaine, I'd rather be at home on a date cooking. It's my favorite thing to do. I'll choose takeout.

Speaker 3: 20:09

I'd like to try cooking. I just I've never, I don't, I haven't ever done it. I make a really good salad, yes, and yes, and a dish that I have some recipes now. They're really good and he will toss your salad.

Speaker 2: 20:24

So, okay, I am 100. I love to cook, so I will. I will cook way more than I'll take out read um, I think it's really romantic to cook next one.

Speaker 1: 20:35

This is what you would want in your partner, so top or bottom blame I'm vers, but I will say, if I had to choose, yes, no, actually I'm the opposite, I'd rather be a top.

Speaker 2: 20:51

So you would want your partner to be a bottom.

Speaker 3: 20:53

Yeah, bottom, yep, if I'm choosing one top.

Speaker 2: 20:57

I would say definitely a top Reeve probably say a top.

Speaker 1: 21:02

We got the two big old bottoms over here. Reid Probably say a top.

Speaker 2: 21:04

We got the two big old bots over here, so this one is early bird, or?

Speaker 1: 21:09

night owl. I'm definitely a night owl. I hate mornings.

Speaker 3: 21:14

Early bird. Now I've become that.

Speaker 4: 21:17

now I think I'm an early bird, reid. I know I can only pick one, but I'm full-heartedly both. I'm an early bird, early bird.

Speaker 2: 21:25

Early bird. So the next round is would you rather your partner? We're gonna do two parts for this. We're gonna start with the first part. Do you think you are masculine or feminine?

Speaker 3: 21:37

playing down masculine I'm gonna probably go with feminine on this one okay, I honestly would say that I think I'm feminine.

Speaker 2: 21:47

I probably do. Now here's the second part. Do you want on your partner to be masculine or feminine? Masculine yeah, masculine I would say masculine for me read I'm sweating over the social media comments on this one but.

Speaker 2: 22:04

But here's the thing with all of this. It's like, why, like I know there's a lot of people that sit there like, oh you're, you know you want to be this masculine guy with a mask and all this stereotypical bullshit, but like, it's what I like. I don't make myself like that, I like it because I like it. There's a lot of guys that I've seen out there that don't like a masculine guy, but do I get mad at them? No, I'm like, it is what it is.

Speaker 1: 22:28

Can I tell you my favorite piece of feedback for people that see us in the wild? They're like I really like your game. So good job, adam, with the game idea. People really like it. I get feedback all the time.

Speaker 2: 22:38

It gets people to understand us and know us and, like it gets, it, brings our personal life to them, and then they can figure out from there how they can corner us so now we're transitioning, let's get into the meat.

Speaker 3: 22:51

Transition from segment, so we're going to transition from drink.

Speaker 2: 22:54

I'm moving on to my coffee with gays mug, also available on our website here, is being gay is expensive reed says this boy is a bottom with the thumbs up. I love that maybe.

Speaker 3: 23:15

So the next section we're going to share some of our personal coming out stories. Um, another topic, but maybe think about this too when you're sharing your story. So like, was there this coming out? Like I'm a bottom, like was that also something you had to? Like, have you know? Like I think that's really interesting too, because, like did, you have to did you? Or how'd you find it out? Or like did yeah? Was there a rough start trying to get it in that first time?

Speaker 3: 23:45

Were you dealing with pain, more so of being a bottom than being gay. Is that different? There's something to think about when we're sharing stories.

Speaker 1: 23:52

I will definitely add that into my story. And just a little teaser I dated a very high level Republican fundraiser and he was kinky AF and talking all that Like a big fundraiser republican party. Yep, it was great. Adam's up first adam. So tell us about your coming out story.

Speaker 2: 24:10

It's pretty intriguing when, when I first started to kind of figure out the whole gay world, it started on aol for m for m, which a lot of younger people don't know. That was a chat room and it was men for men, m for m, because you had m for f, you had f for f, m for m, all that stuff. So, um, I started in there, started chatting around with guys and then moved to adam for adam and that's where I met a guy.

Speaker 1: 24:37

I was living in baltimore was it named after you, adam, for adam boy.

Speaker 2: 24:41

That site was dirty it was not that dirty, and do you remember xycom?

Speaker 1: 24:47

Oh, I do.

Speaker 2: 24:48

XY Magazine. Yeah, so that was a chat room too.

Speaker 4: 24:51

After you mentioned it, by the way, I found out it's still live. Didn't I tell you yeah, no, no, no, a for A for A? Yeah, apparently, because yeah when we talked, but it takes a plane.

Speaker 2: 25:07

I was like, oh my god, adam, fred, I'm still alive, wow. So I met this guy in the chat room. He lived in harrisburg, pennsylvania, and when I was like trying to figure out what I was and all that stuff, I wanted nobody around me to figure this out like I, I needed to be not seen, and all that stuff. So I was underage but I could drive and I would drive up to Harrisburg and he was 34. Gorgeous, he was a bartender in Harrisburg. He had like six like eight pack abs, like absolutely gorgeous. We never actually fornicated, but we would have pleasurable moments. I guess you would say Every time I would leave he would give me $20. Then it made me feel like I was a prostitute.

Speaker 1: 25:57

I mean, I was in chat rooms at 15 and 16, too.

Speaker 2: 26:01

I didn't tell him. I didn't tell him how old I was.

Speaker 1: 26:03

Oh, he didn't know, he never asked. He never asked Did you look 16?

Speaker 2: 26:07

No, I looked like I was 12.

Speaker 4: 26:11

ever asked did you look 16? No, I looked.

Speaker 2: 26:12

I was 12. Okay, that's even more cringe look at reed's face but but so. So here's the thing is is look, he knew he. I mean, he was very respectful to me. He was like whatever you want to do, and I looked at him like a greek goddess. I was like, oh my god, like you're amazing and beautiful was he a goddess?

Speaker 1: 26:29

was he feminine?

Speaker 4: 26:30

no, he was masculine said whatever you want to do he was like.

Speaker 2: 26:34

He was like, whatever you want to do, like if you just want to like jerk off, you just want to make out, you just want to hang out, like we can do whatever, like it's totally fine. Whatever you feel safe with I'm cool with and he, like I will. I, I could tell you exactly what he looked like. I remember what he looked like. I could script a picture of him. You know the address of the bar right, I know the bar. I could probably take you back to his house.

Speaker 1: 26:59

I think we should do a Coffee with Gays. Trip to the bar and find Adams first.

Speaker 2: 27:05

So I was not out to anybody. I couldn't figure out, I didn't even know. I never did anything sexual. I never had fornication. I never had if I was a topper, a bobber, anything like that. That came later. That came two years later when I was house-sitting for somebody and I was like I'm going to go down to the porn shop and I'm going to buy myself a toy and try to figure this out.

Speaker 2: 27:30

And then I was like, let's try to this is when you're like 16 well, I was probably like 18 at this point and I tried to do something and I was like I ain't happening so did you think you were gay with the bartender? Oh, I knew I was gay. I knew I was gay when I was 11, I used to watch wrestling well, no, but that's always in hindsight.

Speaker 1: 27:48

Like I, I hate people when they go like, oh, I knew I was giving his look. Look, I knew I was gay when I was 11. I used to watch wrestling. Well, no, but that's always in hindsight. Like I, I hate people when they go like, oh, I knew I was giving his look. Look, I knew I was gay when I was a little kid on the playground and you know, I was a little gay queen walking around now and I get it, but you didn't know.

Speaker 2: 27:59

I'm talking about self-realization a self-realization, because here's the thing. Here's the thing. At 11 did I look at the girls and go my gosh, I want to climb on top of them no again, that's hindsight at 11 years old, I knew I wasn't looking at the girls it wasn't like I'm.

Speaker 3: 28:16

It wasn't.

Speaker 1: 28:16

I'm different, I'm like, I want the no and I was trying to be best friends with the hottest boys there like I remember my best friend, I was changing in front of me when we were going through puberty I mean it's been 11 or 12 and I said, yeah, we changed in front of each other a million times and then, like he was starting to develop and I was like, like I was, I felt that attraction and then I thought that was weird and creepy and I was like, oh my god, I can't believe I just felt that way about my friend. I and I just was having I mean, I was going through puberty too, so I was starting to, like you know, I.

Speaker 2: 28:45

I was not that like. I just literally went oh my gosh, I think that a naked man is way more hotter than a female by far. I think this is what I like. Now I will say this it took a lot of like making sure that's what I wanted, because everybody on the outside said you know, it's just things that you think in your head, it's not what you really want and that's the way that it was all talked about. And not even my parents could have gave crap about it, even though I still thought they did, but they could have cared less. But everybody on the outside of that I don't want to say I felt I did feel guilty because after the guy from the bar, I would drive back from harrisburg and I would stop at a gas station and I would literally want to throw up because I was like this is now taking me over in my life.

Speaker 3: 29:37

And now I've crossed that line was that because of the money or it was because of?

Speaker 2: 29:42

no, I was happy with the money. I could get a stickers bar coke and a full tank of gas.

Speaker 3: 29:46

So it wasn't shameful, I mean back in 1992, it was probably a good amount of money.

Speaker 2: 29:54

Literally, I had a Toyota pickup, an 89 Toyota pickup. I would roll in, I'd get a full tank of gas. I'd get a Snickers bar and a Coke because I was before for $20. I mean, soda back then was like $0.80. Snickers bar was like 80 cents. Sticker's bar was like 70 cents. That's a good old days, I know right. But the thing that I would do is I would be like, oh my gosh, like I acted on this feeling that I had, and it was with another man, like I can't come back from that, like I didn't. I did this.

Speaker 1: 30:29

So you told your parents at what point?

Speaker 2: 30:31

Oh God, that was way later. So I dated girls because I thought that it was like I need to push through this. I want the white picket fence.

Speaker 1: 30:39

I need to do this To my point. You weren't out to yourself. I was not out to myself, even though you said you had an epiphany at 11, which you weren't out to yourself at 11. I'm just being clear. You're confusing straight people. What the issue with this topic that I have is people think that we just know we're gay since we're 11. Because everyone goes. Well, when I was eight, I was gay and it's like in hindsight yes, but you already had an experience with a man. I have a very similar story to you. I still, like, got engaged to a woman and then they're like how could you do this? And this is why I'm trying to tie this in, because Matt, matt, matt was married for 35 years and has this whole story and everybody will blame him and say he was this horrible person, but he wasn't out to himself for so long.

Speaker 2: 31:23

So you will fight that feeling and I fought that feeling through through three girlfriends and my last girlfriend, lindsey, who she, she watches like I will never forget and I never. I never did anything while I was with somebody, like while I was with a girl, I never acted on that, I was focused on the girl. No, never, never, um. But while I was with Lindsay, I knew that realization was Adam, you're gay, you're gay, you just need to come to terms with this and you need to figure this out.

Speaker 2: 31:58

And Lindsay was the one who had me on the back of my Jeep and she was like you don't love me, you don't touch me, you're not connected with me, and I'll never forget. She cried her eyes out and I sat there and went are you really going to put a girl through this? You're really going to lead a girl through your shit-filled life to try to hide this, or are you willing enough to let her go and set her free and be real with who you are? And that's what I did. I broke up with her and then it was maybe four or five months after that I had to sit down with one of my best friends, britt, and I was like I'm gay and she was the first person I told, and it took four and a half hours to tell her that.

Speaker 3: 32:49

So, yeah, I'm hearing, like with you, or even in Shelly Wright's story, like a lot of us hit a point where, you know, something sparked. But yeah, there's that breaking point where, like all right, this is it, like no more, I got to come out.

Speaker 1: 33:00

This is what the gay community doesn't talk about is we don't talk about that. You had to come out to yourself first. It's like, yeah, it's like you always knew, and I think the tie in is you just didn't know.

Speaker 2: 33:12

So I don't want to say that you had to come out to yourself, but it's. You had to draw that line of you know what. This is who I am. Okay, I know that I had these feelings and I blame that on a lot of the straight people. The straight people are like you may feel this, but you can't act upon this. Well, if you're feeling it, it's the true life of what you are. It's not somebody who's like oh, I feel this way, but I can be straight my entire life.

Speaker 4: 33:42

That's just putting through people through hell. You can't do that. I mean, I think about how many times you said to yourself in your head I'm gay. I'm like just the words, so you know what I mean. You were thinking, okay, this might be a moment where I say I'm gay, I'm gay, it's until those words like come out of your mouth, leave your mouth. The first time you're just, you're coming out to yourself over and over again.

Speaker 3: 34:01

I was thinking about, I mean, even with what you're saying, because I and this might be news to a lot, I don't know a lot of people but like I haven't had that to myself, saying, oh, I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay, but that's just for me. Because like um, no, yeah, I mean I was doing, sure, yeah, I was doing that, but like, I think that for me, I think these are just like terms that I'm not one that I feel like it. Then maybe you know, in that game, like this or that, like I'm a little more of a like um, I guess that gray area don't put me in a box feeling, which some people can confuse as thinking. It's like wishy-washy or undecisive, but um, so I've done a lot of, I think, coming out to like that knowledge and that experience.

Speaker 3: 34:43

But, um, you know, starting out it was um, in the in in this sense was I had just come back from California, like I had an internship at Quicksilver, felt like I was living my best life and surfing, and like I loved it. And I came back to school in Tampa, started an on-campus job, and this guy I was working with also had an on-campus job and you know, it was summer so I didn't have a lot of the other friends.

Speaker 1: 35:10

There's like a quiet campus just the two of us started hanging because you were kind of a nerd and you didn't have a lot of friends right, which is shocking today because ryan most extroverted person I know, so that was me like up through all of high school.

Speaker 3: 35:23

But I kept like fighting it, like I didn't feel like I was like a super quiet nerd. Well, I was doing my homework. But point is like when I got to college I told myself like I'm gonna make friends, I'm gonna join these clubs, and I was like loved it. And so I had that experience the first two years. Come back after the summer internship in california, quiet campus, none of those friends. So now it's like I'm around this guy and we hang out and I remember just like, oh, we're going to go, you know, I'm going to go hang out his apartment and it was me Like I sat on his bed and then I just felt this draw of my hand to like hold his hand.

Speaker 2: 36:00

It's that spark, that connection.

Speaker 3: 36:02

I mean, it was like holding hands for months and months, like I would go over there maybe hold hands, cuddle, like that was it. Because, like that alone was for me at the time terrifying. Do you know him today? No, we don't stay until I know his name, like we could find him. Was he out? Yeah, he was out, I wasn't so he, he knew what he was dealing with.

Speaker 2: 36:23

He laid in bed and put his butt up in the air and ryan's like I can't touch I, I quickly, I I left like no, I know we had enough time, we could well.

Speaker 3: 36:35

That's why we have a, that's why we have a little podcast. We can get more into that later. Um, but that day, like I left, freaking out, I was like, okay, bye, see you later. And I remember I was driving, I was gonna go see um, my parents probably a week, two weeks after that. But I first told my girlfriend, who I just broke up with like a few months before that, not for this reason, but it's just like I'm a kid in california and having fun and it's long distance. I don't want to talk to a partner for three hours on the phone every night. Right, did you ever had sex with her? No penetration, but like on top of each other. Hey, I held this guy's hand.

Speaker 3: 37:11

I don't know what's going on so you broke her heart. Two weeks later you're like no, no, no, no, I broke. We broke up in like june, july. This probably happened in september. We're still like super close friend.

Speaker 2: 37:22

Oh, three months later, okay.

Speaker 3: 37:24

So you broke her heart and then you called her and said fyi, I'm on hands with the dude but also like I'm freaking out, I don't know what's going on, just like you know, like shelly right or whoever like you have no offense, adam, didn't you?

Speaker 4: 37:40

weren't you driving to harrisburg? And then you got engaged to some chick, and then no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2: 37:45

I drove to Harrisburg. I did not get engaged to a chick, that was plain. But what I'm saying is you had a relationship with this girl, yes, like a like. You dated her and then you broke up with her, which probably crushed her heart yeah, follow me with this. And then, two or three months later, you were like hey you. Two or three months later, you were like hey, you want to chat about the dude that I held a hand with? Yeah, I guess that's, that's about right did you ever think about that?

Speaker 2: 38:13

I have done things, especially then that I know are we're like shitty moves because, because not only did you and I'm not trying to come on you, but I'm just just trying to they live.

Speaker 3: 38:22

I'm still close friends with them they live in, they live in florida. I was the best man at their wedding, like we all met through surf club how did your parents take it?

Speaker 1: 38:30

because we love your mom and dad.

Speaker 3: 38:31

Next week um, but so I told her first, and then she came with me to Orlando, drove from Tampa to Orlando and was like okay, I'm, you know, I'm really close to my parents, like Blaine grew up, like in the church, and it was just very and I'm really close to my parents and I'm an only child. So we called ourselves the three musketeers and I went in and was like I held this guy's hand. I don't really know what it means, like I'm not coming out, like I'm gay. I held a guy's hand. Can we figure this out together?

Speaker 2: 39:00

so that was my what did your mother and father say?

Speaker 3: 39:04

my dad just removed himself from the situation because he didn't know what to do, so he went into the garage and acted like he had something to fix.

Speaker 2: 39:11

He went to the garage and played with wood. Go on, and what?

Speaker 3: 39:13

did you do? And my mom just cried and listened and tried to be a mom and listen.

Speaker 2: 39:20

It wasn't hide the pickle. I mean Jesus, I know.

Speaker 1: 39:24

Here where you're getting engaged on a boat and homo sass. I know my mom and dad are there?

Speaker 3: 39:31

Another fun story and I love telling this story and I probably could. She'd probably be fine if we put this photo in the video version of this. But you fast forward to when I lived in Long Beach and when I had this trip I took her to her first apparently her first gay bars and it was not too hard to convince her. I said, said mom, they got cheap strong drinks and the bartender is cute.

Speaker 3: 39:52

She's like okay, let's go like mother, like son, started calling me senior um, but you know, I think that was this is part of like my coming out experience in a way too, because I was able to be honest with myself and there was a girl that there was like a guy and a girl, the gay guy, and he was trying to like come on to. And there was a girl that there was like a guy and a girl, the gay guy, and he was trying to like come on to me. And then I was like I remember going mom, like I don't know, but like I'm kind of into her, like she's really cute, and then like an hour later we're both fighting over her Like mom girl.

Speaker 1: 40:33

That is too much to unpack in this one. I think your parents are a very great um you know example of a family that you know would have a hard time with it but then has really come so far. I mean literally like they're in a house with. You know how many gay guys do we have? Five gay guys for your engagement in homo sasa and they're just like so great welcoming and we're gonna have them at brunch next week, big gay brunch at reynolds house. Adam's not gonna be there. I'm very happy, but we are gonna have our replacement read at the brunch. So we're going to the brunch. Yes, already invited him sunday brunch. We talked about this.

Speaker 1: 41:05

You know, um, I gotta say so, like my, I was very similar, very, you know, uh, religious family, though accepting and everything. You know, I was really kind of torn out of the closet too, quite frankly. I mean, I was in california also, I was a pepperdine, I was, um, starting this realization. I'd gone overseas for, you know, a year, overseas in Argentina, met this guy. He was like my best friend and then I kind of fell in love with him and then this whole relationship like just happened Sexually. Yeah, and it was. You know, when I ended up coming out of college, everybody said, you know, y'all had a really special relationship, so it was like it was apparent had a really special relationship, so it was like it was apparent. I even had the woman I um I was living with call the school because I didn't come home one night because I was staying at his place and I got in big trouble for that and uh, yeah, she thought I was like, she thought I didn't come home after a night of partying was that like a foreign exchange?

Speaker 1: 42:05

yeah, I was a foreign exchange student program. But you know, I really thought, like when we both went to the same college so I thought when we went back it would just stay that way. And you know he broke up with me on the plane and said he couldn't do this to his family, and it was heartbreaking but you weren't out to your family no, no, and I still like.

Speaker 1: 42:23

I mean, I've been in chat rooms since I was 15. I looked at k-porn. My dad caught me. I told him I was just looking at guys dick not in texas now, for anybody that doesn't know. By the way, just a quick side note, we now have to use vpns to get any kind of porn in texas. Yeah, yeah, I'll teach you how to do it. Yeah, because it's every place is blocked, regardless of what it is, um, which I do think is actually a good thing, quite frankly. Um x is still available, so, yeah, so on the plane ride back, I mean, he broke up with me and then that's when I kind of went back to my old high school sweetheart and I got back in a relationship with her. The engagement happens. I broke it off for other reasons, not because she just was driving me nuts, quite frankly.

Speaker 2: 43:10

I can understand that Because, like even with me doing gay dating today, I'm like screw this show, I'm going back to women. But I would never be happy just for point of space. Somebody like oh look, you can't get back and forth, I can't get back and forth, I would never be happy with the vagina.

Speaker 1: 43:25

I can have a conversation with a woman and I think this is why, like I think my story I was very much um, I I thought my phase was over is kind of like where I was coming from. Like I thought, like I had my moment, I was with the guy, I finally got it out of my system and now I could go back to what was comfortable were you masculine back then? Uh, yeah, I was a lot more masculine than I am now and you're trying to get back to that right I, I'm trying to get back to that, yes, and I hope to achieve that again someday.

Speaker 1: 43:58

But yeah, I went back to school and I met my first gay friend and I ended up changing my MySpace profile to gay and it was like boom.

Speaker 2: 44:05

First of all, for people who don't understand what MySpace is. That happened and ended in 2009.

Speaker 1: 44:13

Yeah, but this was the heyday. I mean, this was like 2002. So you had your top 10 friends and then when they piss you off, they go down a rung and then they call you up and say like, oh my God, what'd you do?

Speaker 2: 44:25

I remember that you have your top friends.

Speaker 1: 44:27

Yeah, and you could have backgrounds in music and I remember that you have your top friends. Yeah, and you could have backgrounds in music and it was very cool. I miss MySpace. I hear they're bringing it back very excited, but I did put I was gay on there. I'm like I don't know if anyone ever sees it by chance. I mean, this is not like the world that we're connected in now. Most people weren't on the internet. Well, a woman from my mom's church did see it and ended up telling her and they called me. I was driving my bosses like $200,000 Mercedes and almost crashed it.

Speaker 1: 44:50

When they're like, we know you're gay and it's okay. And I was like, how do you know? And you know I had just come to the realization that I was gay through this friend of mine, that I just was a gay guy. And I was like, oh my God, it's, it wasn't just a phase, I just am gay and that's totally okay. So I came out to myself.

Speaker 1: 45:06

But I was hiding in California away from my family and friends. So my mom found out and then I told her. I said, yeah, mom, I'm gay and that's it. And you know it's kind of sick. The woman that outed me come to find out years later. She'd always tried to get me to date her daughter in high school who was like a year younger than me, and then she ended up telling my mom that that whole time, while she was a 40 year old woman, she was uh lusting after me and she actually wanted to sleep with me. So I know, and it was really sick and it was really tragic. It just I didn't like them to find out that way. I mean, I guess I'm glad it happened some way. But like the next week they went to church and of course she told everybody at the church and the pastor had a sermon that said your mother just tells everybody to now, yeah, but back then.

Speaker 1: 45:59

But back then, you know, like you know, the pastor had a sermon that said you know, if you raised a gay child, then you failed as a parent and they had to walk out of church. It was really, really traumatic. And my mom said something really poignant to me. She said that it was for her like a death of a dream and for every death you have to mourn that. But it's the birth of something new and you know, it took us a year to kind of get past. You know all the feelings.

Speaker 4: 46:22

So I came out at 22. Which was how many years ago I was. And when I came out? I came out because a guy I was working with enticed me to. He was openly gay in a fraternity not my fraternity, but in a different fraternity and we worked together at the Hard Rock Hotel and I was helping him move because I was always that friend with the truck back in college Adam's still that friend with a truck back in college, adam's still that friend with a truck. I helped him move and as I was helping him move, I stopped and felt comfortable enough to say, hey man, I think I'm gay. And as soon as I did that, I dropped everything.

Speaker 4: 47:20

Like at the hotel.

Speaker 1: 47:21

No, no, I was moving him from his old apartment to, and he dropped everything and said thank god.

Speaker 4: 47:24

And yeah, he like, he like put his boxes down he's like.

Speaker 2: 47:27

I've been fondling over you every night in bed and what happened, and that was number one.

Speaker 1: 47:35

That was number one.

Speaker 4: 47:36

So you guys actually, like, did the deed but yeah, the funny thing is he flat out asked me he's like okay, so do you think you're a top bottom?

Speaker 2: 47:46

I was like well, my initial reaction back then was I guess I'm up because I wasn't but wait a minute, do you remember back when somebody would say, because I remember this somebody would be like are you a top or a bottom? And I was like what does that mean? What is that? What is that top or bottom mean?

Speaker 4: 48:03

I mean I'm still pretty ignorant. I asked it's plain either day. I'm like what the fuck is that?

Speaker 1: 48:09

we don't know what that is either. Um, there's too many of them now. Um, but it's interesting. I mean, to Ryan's point earlier, my first kind of longer-term guy right after I came out I was still in college I dated a top Republican fundraiser and he was on the McCain campaign and he was super kinky and into a bunch of different stuff. But it allowed me to experiment and it was the first time I had bottom, because I'd only topped before. So well, actually I take it back. I did bottom before too, but I had never been with somebody who was well versed in all those things I always say to anybody that's like I'm a top and I'm like good, don't be a bottom.

Speaker 2: 48:54

We have too many fish in the sea. Just be the top that you are, don't try to bottom so you're saying I should just be a top honey.

Speaker 1: 49:01

You're not. I am a top.

Speaker 4: 49:03

I I top 80 of the time I feel like I'm predominant, like if I were to lean one way or the other. I think I lean toward bottoms. But in a relationship I'm fully over. In a relationship I want to be rolling around wrestling everything the whole nine years, really, yeah, in a relationship, for sure, I mean I shouldn't just say in a relationship, I should just say with the right guy to start dating.

Speaker 1: 49:32

Wow.

Speaker 4: 49:32

Yeah, listen, my ex in Canada. We used to Canada, canada, you to go across the border, not just go across border. I had to drive every single time because I didn't have a passport and the only way to cross the border into canada without a passport is if you drive with your person I mean I will say um little fact I can't get into canada.

Speaker 1: 49:54

Actually I might be able to get into canada. Now it's been 10 years, it was less than that. But yeah, let's not talk about it because my mom doesn't know. Still, you told everybody after one right.

Speaker 4: 50:04

I mean, like you, I put it on my myspace.

Speaker 1: 50:06

That was kind of like, oh my god, we're myspace bros, myspace coming out bros. I mean, that is such a retro, cool thing, I have to say, coming out on myspace it was super. It was really convenient and easy, like it's like you make that switch and you're like, yeah, they find it, because really back then people were not on the internet like they are now, so it wasn't like you're broadcasting it. Really there wasn't like a giant like post that went out on facebook it was, it would be like adam daly into men.

Speaker 4: 50:36

It was legitimate. The easiest way to do a BSA, a public service announcement for being I'm like I'm not a dramatic Well right, like I'm not the type of person that really wants to. What I need to do? Write letters and send it to all my family members and all my friends.

Speaker 2: 50:50

I think you should be able to find and be like hey, like I, I took my friends out.

Speaker 1: 50:57

Look, I never expected my mom to find it. I was just kind of doing it for my friends so that my friends knew that I was gay right, just trying to be honest with them.

Speaker 4: 51:04

I know I mean like some friends that needed to like. I told them. I told all my catholic school friends. I'm like listen, because I'm friends with them and their parents and I told them all. I'm like, if any of your family members or if you guys have any questions, just ask me like straight up I'm shaking his head.

Speaker 2: 51:19

No, he didn't do the same thing either, but but I just, I'm just shocked, okay okay, so you told your family, though you did yeah, I drove down to south florida with a six pack of beer.

Speaker 4: 51:31

Tell my mom first thing I said, or?

Speaker 1: 51:33

I asked her was it's a very dude thing to do you brought the beer and the queer.

Speaker 4: 51:38

So I mean, the first thing I asked my mom was do you think I'm going to hell? And um, she was like no brilliant woman love her. Her immediate response was absolutely not. I know the bible was written by man and of course, I'm an idiot like I was. Well, yeah, this is also after my dad had, like cheated on her, had an affair. The way she found out was at the gynecologist, when he's like hey, I need to write you a prescription for, uh, this because looks like you caught this. Yeah, basically, my shoot, my dad was caught because my dad gave her some. Yes, I didn't get into the details of it, but that's how my mother found out, right? So I mean, she's 50 years old, going to her gynecologist appointment and boom, what do you mean? I need to take this antibiotics. Like, oh yeah, everything looks good, mary, I'm like I didn't need to hear that.

Speaker 1: 52:32

Like I mean, that's Adam on a weekly basis. I'm just kidding, just kidding, I'm not. It's good that Reed is a relationship person and sometimes there's just relationship people and it's okay. It's really cute. I love that.

Speaker 2: 52:49

Good luck.

Speaker 1: 52:51

Now Adam's body count on the other. Let's talk about that Atlantis cruise. How many?

Speaker 2: 52:56

It's a high sex drive, but it's my high sex drive is only when the fire is lit, so like, if I this is what's really weird If I don't. Um, let me see if this is politically correct. Fornicate or self-defecate, self-defecate Is that the word you refer? Um, self-defecate, self-defecate is that the way you refer it? Self-pleasure myself I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a clear compound, and there's no ripples in the waves, there's no nothing, and I can stay like that until somebody throws a ball into my pond. Then we have a complete rolling of the ocean coming in, and then it's just fired up and it's quite a way I just have to stir some shit.

Speaker 1: 53:44

You know me, I'm a shit stir so this is some great all day like the last guy I was dating.

Speaker 4: 53:51

I kid you not, we were taking it very slow from August until things ended, but any given point in time I would drop what I was doing. I would leave work if I had to. Oh my God, if he texted me and said, hey, are you by my apartment? Or hey, are you by wherever he was working at the time, I had no problem doing that. It never happened. But we made it work from day one. We made it work. When I say we made it work, I'm saying we made it work even in the back of my truck. I was that guy for this guy.

Speaker 2: 54:31

So let's have a conversation about this, right? My ex and I I mean like the sex was amazing, like that was the biggest thing that I loved about the relationship. It's so hard, but like I don't know, right. So I don't think that there's a point in my life where I would be like I'm going to leave work to go.

Speaker 4: 54:59

Yeah, I would happily do that for this last guy, I mean I would want to.

Speaker 2: 55:04

So I'm wired a little bit because I'm like you got to work, because you don't.

Speaker 4: 55:09

Well, okay, so under understandably, he also has a child. He has a son that he shares custody with, with his ex-husband. So at any given point in time, we're either losing there's only there's a window right. So like we made it work, we made it happen. Also, there was passion there, like at, I mean. Granted, the passion necessarily wasn't there every single time we saw each other, but when we were at it it was there.

Speaker 2: 55:39

Oh my God, Am I doing the wrong thing. Maybe I should be back with my ex.

Speaker 1: 55:43

No, you definitely should not be back with your ex Adam. I can't handle it, nobody can. You're going to get kicked out of the group Chad if you date him again Because nobody wants to hear it ever, ever, ever Moving on. If you date him again because nobody wants to hear it ever, ever, ever moving on anybody other than him, you know? I mean I gotta say like I'm glad that we all came out.

Speaker 2: 56:06

We all have our own stories. I mean, even ryan has like some crazy stories to like all of your stuff too. So it's like you know, we all have our crazy shit, so yeah all right.

Speaker 3: 56:17

So we've all shared our coming out stories, like experiences of like needing to own that for ourselves first and then getting uh before we're able to like come out and tell that to our friends, family, after we've already told ourselves. This section is probably a little more, I think, fun and light-hearted. Um, but for yeah, for some of us, but, um, we talked about uh, we said kids these days love to talk about body count.

Speaker 1: 56:47

Body count is a big deal. Yeah, they call it body count like the gen z group and these like gen alphas. They're like number one. They don't sleep with a lot of people, so they're not like us and, um, they're really obsessed with keeping their body count low, which you know you haven't done, adam.

Speaker 3: 57:04

That's what I saw in like this posting about an atlantis cruise, but well everyone going on atlantis cruise isn't like in their early 20s, like right.

Speaker 1: 57:14

I see a lot of podcasts where the kids are talking about their low body counts and they won't date people with high body counts. So look, I mean I lost count of mine. I used to have a spreadsheet back in the day and, uh, I kept track. Even if I didn't know their name, I knew they're like I don't know where they worked or if they were in the army or whatever, and I kept a spreadsheet, but I lost track of it at like 250s, you know, at 28. So we're way up there now.

Speaker 2: 57:40

I mean up high wow, what do you think you're at?

Speaker 3: 57:45

I don't know, I'm not counting the count. Yeah, if I had the calendar then I would know. And for um, everyone, yeah, I just this was, I think I found to be a very helpful and responsible and mature tool that I definitely like progress with using. But, like who I was with at the time, it was an open relationship and so we kept a calendar to track who we were with, either together or individually, and I think that was a way to just you know if we, if we need I don't know- so, Reed, what?

Speaker 1: 58:16

what is your body count? Low no, it's not.

Speaker 4: 58:20

You look too good for it to be low under 20 bullshit under 20, under 20, after we had this discussion last week. Okay, so to do the math right, I came out at 22. He was number one. That number one lasted, which we weren't technically dating at all, like he wanted to be with me. I was pushing away because I just, you know, was dealing with the fact that I just had sex with a dude and then, finally, when I was ready, he was pulling away. So it was. It was a year or a year and a half of like a push and pull, but he was the only person that I was with. Then number two I dated for two and a half years.

Speaker 2: 59:05

Then number three I dated, so your core phase is speeding up right now.

Speaker 1: 59:09

No, my, he's a relationship guy. Adam, I know this is hard for you to imagine.

Speaker 2: 59:14

I'm at 462 as of Thursday.

Speaker 1: 59:18

As of Thursday. Wow, you really like you always have someone on the Thursday.

Speaker 2: 59:23

I'll be at 572 by Monday. That's it.

Speaker 1: 59:26

That's a lot. I mean, yeah, because you were on Atlantis Cruise and you racked up 34 in a night, right.

Speaker 2: 59:33

That was a fun Okay. So anybody who doesn't know, atlantis gay cruise is a gay cruise where it's literally a ship full of 6400 men, and I was. I was in the lobby and one of the guys was like, what are you doing? And I was like, oh, I'm just gonna get some pizza one of so we're starting at one, One day out, literally.

Speaker 2: 59:57

It was like, hey, why don't you come back to our party we're having at our suite? So I was like it's hot, why not, let's go party. So I rolled back to the suite and literally it was like one of their midsize suites, which is still fairly big on a cruise ship, and there was a astronomical amount of men in there and I would say there was probably 60 people in this suite. Like it was a lot of people, like there was people.

Speaker 1: 1:00:30

And of that you did half of them.

Speaker 2: 1:00:32

It was like walking into an Abercrombombie model studio and like everybody would it smell like abercrombie, because I love that well, no, but like it was I. My jaw dropped and I was like, I was like it, if I could die, let me die now, because this would be the happiest moment I've ever been. It was so. It was see that now, that's not true.

Speaker 4: 1:00:56

the happiest moment I've ever been in See, now that's not true. The happiest moment that you'll ever be in is with that one person, with your white picket fence, with your John Deere tractor, sitting out back in your barn. That is your happiest moment.

Speaker 2: 1:01:10

If that ever happens and my partner rolls up, that's hot on a John Deere tractor, find that and has all his teeth and is fully there.

Speaker 1: 1:01:23

So this is what I say about my similar experiences, though I've never had one that intense is. Yes, I want the white picket fence and the partner of my dreams, but I'll never regret what I did in the past and I'm glad I had those experiences.

Speaker 2: 1:01:37

This is all another thing'll never regret what I did in the past and I'm glad I had those experiences. This is all another thing never regret what you do. If you're gonna regret what you did, then don't do it like that's my whole thing. If you're gonna sit back and go, I regret doing that, then you better not do it like you should totally cut that out. I will never regret anything that I like. I am full ownership of it. I will talk about it.

Speaker 1: 1:01:57

I will you know I own everything I've learning experiences yeah I agree like not living life with regrets is like the best thing and I think that's, as gay people, like one thing that we actually kind of learn. It's one of those like attributes of a gay person is like not living life with regrets because you know, you've come out, you've done the hard thing. And I think and matt's story you know he talks about that too he always thought his life would be over when he came out as gay. And then he comes out and he's like, oh wow, this was exactly what I wanted. And now he's living life with no regrets and wish he had. The only regret is he wish he had done it I mean, like even ryan like has done everything.

Speaker 2: 1:02:38

I mean you don't regret, right? No, you don't, so like it's really cool so live, live without regrets.

Speaker 1: 1:02:45

We absolutely love it. I mean thanks to everybody for telling their coming out stories. So, reed, I know like when we were planning this episode, you actually had a really great idea to include some resources, which I didn't really think about, but like I've used resources before, so what's your thoughts?

Speaker 1: 1:03:01

Just to highlight a few community resources and support D flag, which it's the parents and friends of lesbians and gays and I have to say it's one of the resources my mom used when I came out because she was having a little bit of a struggle with it and it's an organization. Obviously, what it says and it's, it's really a great organization. That's super helpful, especially when you have that family dynamic, a strong family dynamic that can really help your family work through things as well as like you work thing through things with your family as well. So I love p flag.

Speaker 4: 1:03:38

It's a great organization I will say. Shortly after I came out I went back up to college. My mother called me, said hey, honey, I just want to let you know I'm considering going to this group for parents of eight children. I was like I was all for it. I was like, yeah, mom, go, you know, that's cool, you do what you gotta do. And then she started explaining it to me. She said, yeah, it's really cool. It's this husband and wife both used to be gay, now straight married. And I said I immediately stopped her and said mom, no offense to this, this resource or group that you want to go to, but don't drink the kool-aid, you know it was the coming out camp that Jack's son went to.

Speaker 2: 1:04:19

They were like I'm not gay. It was like it was conversion therapy. It was the most flaming, buoyant people ever. It was what's a lesbian.

Speaker 1: 1:04:29

I kind of wish I had been sent to conversion camp.

Speaker 2: 1:04:31

Yeah, and she was like I love penis and he's like I love vagina. I look at a man.

Speaker 1: 1:04:46

So, yeah, none of that. I think PFLAG is so much better and I think people should really know about it and you should direct your family there and start with yourself and then and then go to PFLAG.

Speaker 2: 1:04:51

Anybody who and I'm going to jump in on this anybody who honestly doesn't know who to reach out to, who is struggling with being gay like the trevor project. Like the trevor project is one of the biggest. It is literally gay people who will talk to you about the things that they've gone through and what they've done, so that you can understand, like, how to channel your through this, because we've all been through it.

Speaker 4: 1:05:18

Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ plus youth. They offer a 24-7 lifeline.

Speaker 1: 1:05:27

So, basically, if you're having a rough moment in the middle of the night, you can call them and also, if you're in the rural parts of the country, one of my biggest suggestions is go to your local LGBTQ center, because I've gotten therapy for that. But if you're in the middle of, like Missouri or Idaho or whatever, maybe you can't access that. So the Trevor Project has really good resources for that as well. And then the last one is the it Gets Better Project. Remember that it's still going and still going strong. Remember the it Gets Better campaign. One is the it gets better project. Remember that it's still going and still going strong. Remember the it gets better campaign, which you don't remember that. Oh, it's so beautiful, you know what. I'll tag some videos from it in the in the youtube video. But it gets better was great. I mean, a lot of people started saying like it's better, like after you come out, and I think that's mostly our story as well. So, um, they also have a lot of really great resources.

Speaker 3: 1:06:16

Organizations and the help that I think those are really valuable to be able to get help from.

Speaker 3: 1:06:20

But I think you know, when we talked about coming out and coming out to yourself, for me, a resource that I found is something even simple as like journaling or things you can do to just be like introspective and ask yourself those tough questions, and that's an ongoing journey. I think we did for me at least I did that early on, but I'm doing that now and I think there's lots of ways that we need to come out. It could be coming out as gay or queer or lesbian or whatever, but there's a lot of identities that make us whole humans and you know, I think that's important to kind of keep looking within and evaluating that and being finding that confidence and courage to own who you are, own yourself, come out to yourself and all of those amazing, beautiful ways so your advice is to journal for the kids out there that are like maybe struggling yeah yeah, I would encourage that and I would say for the people who are out there go be you.

Speaker 2: 1:07:15

Who cares if somebody else likes it or not? Don't make somebody like you. The only reason why somebody would like you is if you're a good person. I don't care if you're a cat, a dog, transgender, I don't care if you're black, white, gay, lesbian, whatever. Just be a good person. And if you're a good person, people like you.

Speaker 1: 1:07:34

So oh, my god, thanks. Cheers to coffee with gays. Don't forget to follow and subscribe and, by the way, seriously, two-part episode with matt coming up. Uh yeah, next, the next episode, which will be on thursday, and it's going to be powerful. Two, two-part episode. So we're excited. Subscribe, all the good stuff.