Spring Showers and Crafty Hours: Navigating the Push and Pull of School Break Parenting

Rain clouds and messy crafts tables became my unexpected companions this spring break, leading to an impromptu blend of work meetings and play dates—right in my living room. As we swapped our beach gear for pottery wheels and paintbrushes, I discovered there's an art to keeping spirits high when the weather's low. Join me as I unfold the tales of transitioning my kids to 'big kid' rooms amidst the chaos and how our 'no drama discipline' approach has become the cornerstone of our family dynamics. Whether it's mediating between the wants and needs of little ones or finding patience in the mayhem, this episode is a candid reflection on the push and pull of parenting during school breaks.

When the day's last puzzle piece fits and the silence settles, the real talk begins. 

Takeaways

·       Not everyone can be happy at the same time, and that's okay.

·       Getting two out of three kids happy is a win as a parent.

·       Go with the flow and do the best you can.

·       The happiness factor in couples with children may shift as children grow older.

·       Parenting is challenging but can also be a beautiful experience

·       Adapting plans and activities due to unexpected circumstances

·       The importance of keeping children active and engaged

·       Using a parenting style that emphasizes communication and respect

·       Observing and supporting children's mental growth and changes

·       Managing anxiety and planning for summer break

Transcript

Jenny Benitez: 0:02

Hello everybody, welcome to episode two of the Spring Break series for Stilt Rosa's podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women. It's Tuesday evening and today was fine, so just for anyone tuning in fresh, for today kids are on spring break. This week. I work from home, clearly, podcast from home, and I had a lot of tension and, dare I say, fear about what would be happening this week, because typically it doesn't really mesh well when I'm still trying to work whilst my children are home. So I did a bit of a dance and I took half days so that I could kind of balance and make sure that I was paying attention to them and they got some good, solid time with me and then I'd be able to get a couple hours of work in.

Jenny Benitez: 0:58

The big big thing that really screwed my plans up this week was the weather. I was not prepared for it to be raining the entire week like at all. In fact, I didn't even realize it until like Sunday evening that it was going to be raining the whole time or Monday, and I was basically devastated because we live by the beach and I was like all right, awesome Spring break, we could spend some time at the beach, we can go outside and play, we can go on bike rides, like. I'm all about outdoor activities with my kids because they need that exertion of energy. I don't want them to be couch potatoes. I was quite the couch potato when I was growing up, so I very much want them to be active children. And they are active kids, which is wonderful and I love it. I am, I'm here for it all in um, my husband as well. Like he, you know, we're all about them being active, working out, you know, making sure they're having a healthy lifestyle. So the rain completely screwed my plans up.

Jenny Benitez: 1:57

So anyway, we're on day two today, um, and my arts and crafts supplies are dwindling. So on Monday morning I had I did a run with the children and went to Walmart and let them each pick out some kits that they could try out. Um, and you know. So I tried to pace it out. Um, on Monday I wouldn't let them open out all the kits. I said you know you can open up the little you know toy thingies that you got, and then we'll save some of the art kits for Tuesday and I'm trying to like spread everything out Somehow. Today everything's dwindling. Nobody's like real impressed with anything and it was just comical to me. So I'm like my God, like it's only Tuesday. What are we going to do? So today? I was going to do food challenge, like food creations today, but instead we did pottery, so in the morning, which was fairly messy.

Jenny Benitez: 2:52

So I quite often will let the kids do messy activities. My husband hates it, but they love it and it keeps them happy and occupied. And while I do have to keep a close eye on them, and because they do have a tendency to just go off the rails a little bit, it still is a great, a lot of fun for them. So we did pottery this morning for about an hour and then we actually did quite a bit of cleaning. So when these guys were little on the weekends I actually used to have them and I mean toddlers, like they were. They were toddlers and part of the things quote unquote that I would have them help me do on the weekend to keep them busy was cleaning their room, and I know that sounds a little silly for toddlers to see that as an activity, but it was something that we always did together. So we would like gut their whole room, take everything, put it in the hallway. We'd clean everything down, sanitize it and then rearrange their furniture and clean out everything and get rid of garbage, trash, whatever Cause. You know, kids just accumulate scraps of paper Like there's no tomorrow. So, um, they're here for it, though they like it. Today it was a little bit more video game heavy than I care for, but I felt kind of up against a rock and a hard place because even though it's only day two, I'm still like I'm not really sure how much more to put in front of you guys. Like what else can we do to entertain each other? So there was the cleaning today, part of my kids' birthdays this year. We gave them the option if they wanted to upgrade their rooms to big boy and big girl rooms or would they like to have a birthday party, and they both selected to upgrade their rooms, which I was super excited about, because, while I don't mind having birthday parties for them, at the same time I'm like it is actually quite a bit of money and quite a bit of work, and then it's just the one day, whereas if I'm upgrading their room, they're going to transition into this for years to come. So to me that was like a no-brainer and I was happy that they actually made that selection. But yeah, so today wasn't terrible.

Jenny Benitez: 5:07

We use a parenting style in my house called no drama discipline. We ended up using it sort of just because this was like the natural inclination. So my husband has two older children. I've learned a tremendous amount about parenting from him. Um, I've learned a tremendous amount about parenting from him. Um, he is the stricter parent. Um, I'm much more loosey goosey with things, um, so I will find myself grumbling just along right alongside my children, like, oh my gosh, we've got to do this and you know this and that. But at the end of the day, it is incredibly valuable that he is so strict, because it does help keep everybody in line. So back to the no drama discipline. So we didn't actually realize we were doing it.

Jenny Benitez: 5:51

And then Melissa, who I'm hoping will be able to come on for the summer series. She was my co-host for season one. She helped me launch the podcast. Her and I were talking about parenting styles and she was reading all these books and she said, oh, I'm going to go with no drama discipline. I like it. It's a lot of work and it's more intense, but this is what I think is like the best course of action.

Jenny Benitez: 6:13

So, essentially, you spend a significant amount of time talking with your kids, explaining things to your kids. Yes, they still get in trouble, like, I will admit, like we spank in our house or not now because they're older, but like when they were little yep, they got little bow bow on their hands or on their butts or something. So we do employ that. But like, even in the moments and even when they were really little, they got into big trouble and we would be yelling at them for whatever behavior that we needed to curtail. We always spoke to them and we explained things to them quite a bit. So even right now, when the kids have arguments amongst themselves, I do take a moment to listen to what they're saying to each other and then I decide whether or not I need to intervene. I don't want them to think mommy always has to intervene. I do want them to learn conflict resolution on their own, and so I will listen from afar, even though sometimes it's like nails on a chalkboard, and I will wait for them to work themselves out. Now that they're older, they actually do quite often work things out amongst themselves, which is amazing, but it's taken us years of work to get here.

Jenny Benitez: 7:32

So what we would normally do after everyone got spanking or whatever because they were fighting with each other, or if you know, my son stole my daughter's toy. Or if you know, my son was acting bratty because he wanted to be the first one to do something and one of the girls got there first. We never were the parents who backed down from like standing our ground in terms of like, you know, making sure everything was fair. That was incredibly important to me. I, when I was growing up, had felt very much, very often, that and it's funny because my brothers will say the same thing that they felt like I was favored. But there was a lot of instances where I felt like my older brother would kind of just be like get what he wanted, because my parents didn't want to deal with having to like deal with the arguing, and I didn't want that for my daughters. I wanted them to really see like you know what. Yes, sometimes you're not going to get what you want, but sometimes you will. So there is a balance there.

Jenny Benitez: 8:30

So we talk to them all the time and we explain things to them all the time and you know, we talk them through like communicating and making sure that they're using the appropriate words and that they are being respectful of each other. You know, even when we go out in public, I'm very, very particular and so, as my husband with the kids, to say, like, you will respect other people, you don't have to like other people and it's okay if people don't like you, but you will be respectful of other people because everybody deserves that. Nobody deserves to be disrespected. So we have really really strong opinions about how we're handling our children. As you know, I work in communications, so the communications bit is really from me and it's really important to me that my kids understand how to talk to other people. Really important to me that my kids understand, like, how to talk to other people. How do you really like get what you want? Really, in some instances I've told the kids many, many times, like you know what you actually catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Sometimes you have to just be nice and accommodating and then you do eventually get what you want. But it's being that respectful, nice person upfront that really is going to make people want to be around you and want to engage with you and actually want to do things for you.

Jenny Benitez: 9:50

So it's a long road and it's a lot of work and so, with them being home, I am getting to observe their little personality changes at this point. So my son just turned eight. My daughters are going to turn seven and it is very interesting to me because I can sense a definitive mental shift when they turned six to seven. So, my son, I sensed it when he turned seven and now I'm sensing it in my twins. And now I'm sensing it in my twins and I can sense the need for them, where they still feel that little kid-ish. But they're making a mental leap to the next level.

Jenny Benitez: 10:31

And I've actually started talking to them quite a bit about that as well and telling them like it's okay if you feel a little strange in your head. Do you feel a little strange? Do you feel off? And they'll tell me like yeah, mommy, I don't feel like myself, I don't feel like me. And I explained to them well, your brain is growing and because your brain is growing and expanding and you're using different parts of your brain, now the way that you look at things is going to be different, the way that you see things is going to be different, the way that you're reacting to things is going to be different and they do understand it.

Jenny Benitez: 11:04

I do try to make sure that I'm using words that are appropriate for their age and then sometimes, when I don't know how to explain it, I actually will look things up in front of them. That's another thing that I've done quite a bit recently is I want them to see, like I don't have all the answers, but when I don't have the answer, I'm going to go ahead and try to figure it out and I will do the research to find it. I want them to see that example in me, because then they themselves will know, like you know, just because you don't have the answer, you're not sure, well, you can damn well sure get that answer yourself. You know like, go ahead and look it up, advocate for yourself. You guys have heard me say that a million times. So it's just a matter of doing all the things.

Jenny Benitez: 11:46

I will admit again, I'm like, oh my God, it's only Tuesday. I am slightly burnt out. So I am incredibly grateful that my husband only has a half a day tomorrow and is off the rest of the week, because it's a lot, but I love having them home and, honestly, part of this week that I was nervous about is, for me, this was a dry run for summer. So summer always gives me a lot of anxiety because I work and you know now my husband my husband's teaching, so he's working and you know, even when he wasn't working, the anxiety level knowing that they would be home for two and a half months straight was pretty brutal, because they're amazing kids and they're so smart and they're very intelligent and they're very active, but they're still kids and they still do things that kids do. They still fight with each other, still get bored, they still complain. What have you? So I would always get a tremendous amount of anxiety over the summer because, as summer was approaching, what am I going to do with them? How am I going to keep them entertained? How am I going to keep them from getting on each other's nerves?

Jenny Benitez: 13:00

So I have gotten to a point where I do understand and accept that not everybody is generally going to be happy at the same time. I was I don't know where when it happened I think it was in the past year where I was going crazy because it was like every and it was happening a lot, and I was going nuts because every 10 minutes somebody else is melting down about something and somebody was always upset. And then I, as soon as I would get you know the this person's meltdown under control, you know, in 10 minutes somebody else would have a meltdown and somebody else would be upset about something and it just kind of all hit me at once the one day and I was like, oh, um, I I'm never going to really be able to do this where everyone is just happy at the same time. So if I can get just two out of three kids happy on any given day, for me that's a win. So I wanted to share that with you guys because I think that that's like that perfectionist drive in a lot of us. It's like we're trying to get our kids to have those perfect memories and perfect moments and all that stuff and it's like, okay, but how crazy are you going to make yourself doing that? You know, just kind of go with the flow and like, okay, you're doing the best that you can.

Jenny Benitez: 14:14

And I actually say that to my kids quite a bit. I actually tell them like mommy's doing her best. I'm really sorry it's not good enough in this moment, but I'm just trying my best and I choose my words intentionally all the time, except when I really lose my, my, my shit. Then I'm just not intentional and I just, and that's it, just get out of the way, kind of like right just now, when I was about to record this episode, I eventually was being really nice and said please leave the room. Mommy's going to record, please leave the room. And by the fourth or fifth request I was like all right, get the hell out of here, please. I have to record. Yes, I do say things like that sometimes.

Jenny Benitez: 14:57

I will admit I am a mom who does go a little crass. It's just there, I do do it. It does happen, judge me if you want, but it does happen. And I feel like it happens to a lot of us and nobody really wants to talk about that. But to me in my head I was like, guys, you've been with me all day, like, aren't you, don't you want to go and spend some time with your father? But in any case, it really was a good day. I am happy to have them here in the house with me, even if it is a little bit crazy, because I I do like seeing them and seeing what they're up to and seeing their little personalities developing and everything it's. It's all really wonderful to see A client of mine.

Jenny Benitez: 15:41

We were chatting about our children and she said that she had read a study or she had seen a study done where they took a group of parents who had planned out their children and planned on having kids and then they took a group of married couples that had selected specifically that they did not want to have children and they monitored them over the course of many, many years their whole lives basically and over the course of the study they found that in the beginning, the happiness factor for couples who planned out their children was lower than the couples who opted not to have children. And I laughed when she told me I'm like that kind of makes sense, though, because the first six years of my kids' lives was like I mean, I can't even express to you the amount of difficulty it was because there were three at one's all same age Like it was total chaos, controlled chaos, but it was chaos. It was very, very stressful, and if somebody asked me how happy I was in that moment, I probably would have started crying because it was so much stress. And then what my client told me was that the study showed that, yes, the couples who chose not to have kids in the beginning, it shows that they were the happier married couple. But then there was a definitive shift once the kids got older and the couples that had the kids started to log happier levels than the couples who didn't have the kids, because now it was like watching your legacy, the couples who didn't have the kids, because now it was like watching your legacy and for the reason of you know, as a parent and I get choked up thinking about it. But you know, watching your children grow and then watching them go out and doing their own lives and going and being adults and everything, it's just, it is a beautiful thing, so it's good food for thought.

Jenny Benitez: 17:45

I'm going to I have to look this study up, cause I'm not. I have to, I want to read this thing too. Um, we kind of just food for thought. Like it is very hard in the beginning and it is very stressful. I mean, I've been there, I've been on the nightmare side of this, this thing, and all I can say is, based on that study and just based on what I'm going through at this point, it does get better. So if you're in that early stage from one or you know, birth to five-ish. Hang in there, it does get better. So I will be reporting in tomorrow. Let you guys know how the Wednesday goes, hopefully. Keep your fingers crossed for me that things continue to go well, and happy spring break to everybody in South Jersey that is having spring break right now. Big shout out to my Forkett River and Berkeley Township listeners. Love that you're hanging in there with me and I'm so sorry about the rain as well. We're all stuck, so I will talk to you all tomorrow. Thank you all so much and until next time.