Dancing with Energies: Sandy Sembler's Insights on Embracing Feminine Power and Achieving Energy Balance

Embark on a profound exploration of the delicate dance between masculine and feminine energies with Sandy Sembler, a luminary in the realm of women's embodiment. Our enlightening dialogue traverses the impacts of trauma, the pressures that nudge women toward masculine energy, and the awakening that arises from reclaiming the feminine. Sandy's transformative encounter with Tony Robbins unfolds, serving as a beacon for those seeking alignment with their core energies and empowerment in a palpably imbalanced world.

This episode peels back the layers of self, unearthing the internal personas that shape our interactions and healing process. We delve into the art of balancing intentionality with the graceful flow of the feminine, illuminating how surrender and acknowledgment of our innermost selves can lead to genuine well-being. From overcoming anxiety to embracing the myriad facets of our psyche, Sandy guides us through practices that integrate sacredness into the fabric of our being, further nurturing the powerful sisterhood that fortifies women's advancement.

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Facebook:  Sandy Sembler FB Profile

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Transcript

Jenny Benitez: 0:01

Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of Still Roses podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women. Welcome to another episode. I'm very excited to introduce all of you to Sandy Sembler this morning. Sandy is a women's embodiment expert. She's guiding the everyday woman to liberate her past, reclaim and rewild her powerfully unique voice and intuition and step out of the shadows to light up the world with her fullest expression through the sacred she method. Sandy, welcome to the podcast.

Sandy Sembler: 0:37

I am so happy to be here. Thank you for having me, and I'm looking forward to touching your audience in a lot of different ways. So again, let's have some fun today.

Jenny Benitez: 0:46

Yeah, I'm super excited. So, Sandy, I want you to just introduce the audience to Sacred she and I do want to keep in mind too. I took a quiz on your website and listeners, just so you know you're going to have a bunch of links in the description. Check them out, very interesting stuff. And so I found out my energy and I saw the outcomes and everything and I was like this makes sense and I think I need to increase my femininity a little bit. So I am definitely in the masculine energy. So I want you to kind of explain to the audience what this all means.

Sandy Sembler: 1:22

Well, first off, I just want to honor you for your vulnerability and for sharing that, because that already lets me know that your feminine energy is already ignited, and so I'll back up for a second and say so. Sacred she is my company. I'm the CEO and founder, and it's an internationally known women's group. It's a sisterhood, essentially nationally known women's group, as a sisterhood essentially. Where Sacred she's my Healing Journey of where I went from.

Sandy Sembler: 1:49

12 years ago, I had an intervention with Tony Robbins that completely rocked my world. I never knew, after I raised my hand four hours later, of going toe to toe with him in front of like hundreds and hundreds of people, that I would essentially how do I say it? Like my ego, my pride, but also my mind blown and my heart blown open that I had been going through life as a very masculine woman. If you look at me now, I look, you know, a lot of it looked the same. However, the way that I carried myself, my mindset, the way I solved problems, the way I looked at the world with problems was a very masculine way, and what I realized is after leaving that workshop with him, as I studied with him for several years, but then I also studied with teachers around the world because I wanted to understand how did I end up in another relationship that was so similar to my ex-husband, who was abusive, because I had done everything right.

Sandy Sembler: 2:47

I had done therapy three times a week. I didn't date. During the time of our divorce, I launched another business. You know I was a single mom to my 10-year-old son at the time and I was like, why did no one talk to me about trauma? You know why did no one talk to me about that? One of the things that was happening with me is that most of my success in business was due to childhood trauma, that I was attempting to override a nervous system.

Sandy Sembler: 3:11

And override a nervous system, and I know you and I spoke a little bit during the pre-interview about the adrenals and the stress and what happens with women, especially that we're doing so much happens with with women, especially that we're we're doing so much, and and that doesn't mean that we we can't go toe to toe or, you know, side by side with a man, but it what it does mean is that our systems are somewhat different. Our brains are even different. Now, every year that goes by, you know they're finding that the brain the brain of a woman is is is becoming more and more like a man's and vice versa. There's a membrane that separates the left and right hemisphere right, and it's thicker in boys than it is with girls, and what happens is that with and this is women man. I'm going to talk gender for a second, then I'm going to go back into the fluidity of the energies alone. What happens is that the excuse me we have, as women, diffused awareness. We know that we have this podcast. I know, oh gosh, that I leave the coffee pot on. My dogs are put away. I hear the lawnmower. Did I turn the Roomba off? I'm listening about all these things.

Sandy Sembler: 4:14

But if I was in straight masculine mode right now because I've learned to train both my masculine and my feminine but there, literally, is, biologically, this split in the brain where a man is more apt to just be single focus, where we have diffused awareness, and that's just the way it is. And that's why, when I talk to women and they're so frustrated with their sons or their partners, it's like it is what it is. It is what it is right, it is what it is Now. We talk about the energies, right, the energies of the masculine and the feminine. And the reason why this became so important to me is, as I started studying with teachers, I started looking at all the women that I was consulting. I was consulting, you know, women around the world and launching their businesses, and I was business coaching and, you know, successful with my practice.

Sandy Sembler: 5:06

But what I really paid attention to is how unhappy so many of these women were, just like me. We had all the things and yet we still had this itch that needed to be scratched and we couldn't quite reach it. You know what I mean. And so what I found out it was many of us, you know, just like the quiz you just took, you find out like, hmm, I actually am feminine at my core but I'm showing up with a masculine mask and out of the thousands of women that I have worked with, honestly there's only been one woman that I know of. You know I obviously don't work with everybody one on one or in group, because we have so many beautiful DIY courses that I know we have links to and show notes and codes and all the things for discounts.

Sandy Sembler: 5:49

But she truly is okay with her core being masculine and her partner has a beautiful feminine core and they have a relationship that has so much polarity, so much sexiness, so much hotness. But generally what I find and I'll just speak from my own analysis, my own research, through my own women I've worked with, including myself, is that most women come to me with a feminine core, and they may have a masculine mask, and so the key is just, like we're talking to you today, we'll use you as like in my little Petri dish, that it's not there's anything wrong with masculine energy. We need it, and I'll share the differences between the two. It's just, I find that that unsettledness, the residue or the undercurrent current and in the river is that that there's, there's some dissatisfaction is because we're actually showing up opposite of our, of our orientation. So I'll stop there and see if you have any questions about that.

Jenny Benitez: 6:44

So that was. You hit on so many notes there and I so a couple of things. So, in regards to, like the brains being wired differently between men and women, I had looked into this after I had my kids because I came across I'm a big research person and you know I was up all night with all my babies, so why not go online and one of the things I had come across a study that had said that you know women, especially after having a child, there's actually a measurable shift that happens in our brain function. And it was like one of those aha moments because I couldn't understand, like why my husband wasn't reacting the same way that I was to the infants and like it. It like boggled my mind and I was like I never remember getting like frustrated and stuff.

Jenny Benitez: 7:34

And then I read this study and I was like, well, it's technically not his fault, like he's not the one who went through the biological function of carrying the child and had birthing this child, and I've shared that information with every mother that I meet. I'm like, by the way, did you know this? Because I think that like there's like a for many women after you have a child, it's like your things blow up at home and your marriage. You know like things get really dicey, and it's because of this like we personally go through this mental change, but our husbands don't go through it, and so there's immediately like a rift and if you are unaware of it, then you're going to take it personally and be like, and then you're going to get on your husband and your husband's going to be like I didn't do anything.

Sandy Sembler: 8:19

Girl, it's so true. And I can tell you, I remember one of my clients. She has three young boys and her husband, so four, you know, men. I think even her dog wasn't, was a guy. I'm like what, what is karma there? Right, no-transcript, there's dinner on the table. And she was just so frustrated I said, oh, the dinner, dinner was being cooked, that's what it was, yeah, so well. Well, they're, they're men and they're hungry, and they're like men, hungry food. I mean seriously, put out some food, some snacks on the counter and then and you accept that they are men, hungry food, because again we'll go into the quantum physics of change and then she's like, oh my gosh.

Sandy Sembler: 9:13

she messaged me the next day and said it solved everything, because they just, they, just, they smell, they smell her yummy food and they wanted to eat. Yeah, it's as simple as that, and I'm not saying that men are dense or any of that, but it just if we can accept that there are differences. And so I am not about you know, I am not about oh gosh. There was something I wanted to say. Okay, I'm just going to say it.

Sandy Sembler: 9:38

So I was in Necker Island with Richard Branson in this networking event and for a week, and it was just magnificent. I wanted to go there for 20 years and I finally realized a dream and we were at a mastermind and one of the questions was this what is a trend right now? And please don't let me forget to go into the mass and thinner energetics is a great segue. So, what's a trend right now? Or something that's very important in the world, whether you think it's a trend or necessity that you think might backfire down down the line. And I, of course, with me being on point and I was, you know, I was teaching there, like everybody else, you know is, I said I think some of this around you know, a trophy for everyone, like, almost like, gender neutrality, and I know this is I mean I don't, I'm not, I know that might not be PC to talk about, but let me explain what I mean. What I mean is this is that we need to accept that there are differences between not only the sexes, but really just the masculine and feminine energetics, and that's what I'm talking about. And when everything is same, then there is no excitement. When we need polarity in life, we need some friction to push up against for us to be motivated to move forward. And if we know everyone's going to get a trophy, then there's something biologically that happens in the brain, because the brain wants to keep us alive and keep us safe. It doesn't give a darn if it keeps us happy. And so if we all know that we're going to be, that there's no competition, so to speak, then there's really nothing to strive for.

Sandy Sembler: 11:05

And I know that I'm being very base when I'm talking this way, but there's something, literally, that we must have opposites in order for there to be aliveness. We must know that, you know. We must know how to win to know how to lose. We must know how to love and then hate. We must know there's got to be opposites there. So you know and I'm not necessarily talking about you know, here in the states, especially gender neutrality. I mean, like, literally, are we able to accept that there are masculine and feminine energetics in all of us? And I'll talk now that's a great segue into to how I look at energetics.

Sandy Sembler: 11:38

The masculine is our go mode. The masculine is, you know, the part of me that got here on time. The masculine is the part of me that even when we were researching you know podcasts to come on that is able to research it, to actually find it. And then it's my feminine intuition that's like is this, does this feel good to my soul? Is the world going to be better if I'm actually on? You know Jenny's podcast, right, you know? Because if I'm not tapped into my feminine intuition, which is our empathy, compassion, what's better for the world?

Sandy Sembler: 12:09

We can read the room, so to speak. The masculine energy does not read the room. It's there just to keep us safe. It's the master of time and space. It is there to get things done. It's the feminine intuition that's actually going to allow us to know is this best for the world? So the harmonization of them all is great.

Sandy Sembler: 12:25

If I was just in masculinity, I would want to do every podcast that I was invited to, because it would just be very goal oriented. I'm going to get them all done and there would be no heart in it. Let's all face it If we had more men that had had more healed feminine energetics, we'd have a lot more heart led leaders out there in the world. If we had more women, quite frankly, that had healed their own masculine energetics, that they actually wouldn't feel like they had to compete with men, they would already know their superpower is the feminine energetics. And so there's, you know, because the feminine is life, the feminine is art, the feminine is creativity, the feminine is emotional intelligence again, empathy, compassion. You know, we are life givers, literally, Even if you've never given birth, we are there to add energy. And when I, you know, and again, the masculine is master of time and space, it's the square of our existence, right here in Riverside, that you're filming on what you and I do in our own little squares. Right is our art. And so the masculine.

Sandy Sembler: 13:26

If you can look at the analogy of a river, of a riverbed, you have the river. That is actually the masculine. The feminine is the roaring river. It's going to ebb and flow and it's very buoyant, and so what we find is that. What we find is that when you show up in front of a partner, for example, and you've been working all day or solving problems all day because, remember, the masculine solves problems we solve problems better in our masculine. When we actually tap into our feminine intuition right, Because we're in flow there's a way you can harmonize the two. Most people that were just doing it in one or doing it in masculine. That's why we get so tired, because it's opposite of who we are. So we can, we can flow with it. So you know, there's a part of us that actually, when we, when we decide that we want to heal the two, life gets a lot easier. Does that make sense? It?

Jenny Benitez: 14:18

does. It really does. And you know, I mean as as a person who, like I, read through, I read like the snapshot that you provide on the website and it really resonated because I spent most of my life in the masculine energy and, just as you had said, when you started like and you were introducing yourself like, it was a result of trauma that I had experienced growing up my parents separated. It was really traumatic for me and it affected pretty much the whole landscape of the rest of my life. Everything that I did and every way that I showed up, and even how I showed up professionally eventually when I was in my 20s, was very much like I'm here to kick ass, what do I need to do to get to the top? I don't care who I have to step on. For years I was like that and then it like, slowly. It like I think I was about in my early 30s when I started to shift away from that and for me it was having my kids was like my big catalyst to like, softening me up a little bit. And then I started to think about it more and be like I don't really need to be doing this, Like I need to you it more and be like I don't really need to be doing this, Like I need to, you know, be more mindful and everything. But it took me a really long time and over the past two years is where I've really been digging into, where I'm like I really don't need to control everything. I need to just be in the moment and do the best that I can, and I don't need to be panicking and thinking about all the things all the time, Like I just need to show up right now, in this moment, and even like not for nothing, for today I woke up and I'll share personally.

Jenny Benitez: 15:54

I woke up this morning and I haven't had this happen in a really long time. I woke up this morning at like three, 30 in the morning with like a massive anxiety attack, like massive and and I like I haven't had that in a really long time. So I like, laid there, I had to, you know, try to calm myself down by like five, four, 30. It was still with me. So I got up and I was like I'm going to just go downstairs and meditate. I'm going to just start my morning routine now. I'm just going to go meditate, Let me do some affirmations. Visual visualization, Like let me try to.

Jenny Benitez: 16:26

To me I say, in alignment with you, know, the, the higher power, basically, is how I look at it and it helped tremendously. Now there was a large part of me that was like Jenny wants to shut down because Jenny's in in panic. But then I have this other side of me that's like no, Jenny, we know better. Like, let's just take a minute panic. But then I have this other side of me that's like no, Jenny, we know better, let's just take a minute here, we don't have to shut all the way down. So it's just, it's interesting hearing you talk through all this, because I'm like, oh gosh, this sounds like I need more of this.

Sandy Sembler: 16:57

You do, and you do, and we all do. And just like me, by the way, I think I was up actually at three, 30 as well. Not with anxiety, not with anxiety. I think I ate too late last night. Normally I'm like fasting or what have you, but I was up too. I must've been feeling you.

Sandy Sembler: 17:09

Cause we had a great talk yesterday, so I'm going to actually, are you open to like with your audience here? And I have a feeling you'll just deepen with me. Oh yeah, there's something about remember anxiety is. Well, let me back up for a second. Anxiety is. Let me back up for a second.

Sandy Sembler: 17:23

Thank you for the vulnerability about your childhood Me too, by the way. My daddy left when I was 12. I've been working since I was 12, literally to help pay the bills. It wasn't like a lemonade stand to buy a Barbie, it was like pay the car payment. You know, and I'm grateful for the experience. I can finally say that now, after a lot of work too, because I have a work ethic like an ox.

Sandy Sembler: 17:42

But it did come from childhood trauma and you know, I do. You know, bring into the Sacred she programs, you know work around trauma and attachment styles and all of that. It's not just about the five love languages, which sounds nice and cushy. It's actually the five love language of apology, for example. It stemmed from how do you receive an apology comes from how you were acknowledged as a child. How do you receive an apology comes from how you were acknowledged as a child. So again, these are things like sacred. She is my healing journey and so as I alchemize experiences in my life, I just metabolize it and then I bring it back to to my, to my audience, to my students. So I totally hear you.

Sandy Sembler: 18:18

So when we were talking about trauma, when I had the intervention, I it wasn't just like dancing around in goddess dresses and putting umbrellas in my drink and me to like lean back in the feminine and feed me grapes. I mean that would be wonderful. But it's so much more because, as much as we want to go, I'm going to embrace my feminine. The brain's going like no, you're not stupid, you got to live, you got to eat. You know who's going to do it.

Sandy Sembler: 18:40

If you're not because you, because I know for me, when I'm working with financial planners now I work a lot with professionals, whether they're teaching or they're holding space, or C-level executives, whoever it is, everybody can be a client of mine. But it's amazing to me people that hold space for other people my financial planner, for example, along with all the ones that are my clients do the ACES test to actually look at. You know, it's a way to see if there's been trauma, because I know for myself I have a portfolio. It's great, perfect. You know I'm not going to starve, however, because our house foreclosed when I was 12 and my entire landscape of my life changed. When my dad left in the same week, our house foreclosed, right. Nothing was the same.

Sandy Sembler: 19:25

Of course I love real estate. Of course I love. Of course I owned a mortgage company. Of course I flip houses. Of course I take a U-Haul when I go into an Airbnb with all my creature comforts, right, I'm like a glorified bag lady with a U-Haul when I go to the mountains, I mean, you know, and this all made sense and those are trauma responses. Me being hypervigilant to bills being paid is not because I'm a control freak, it's because there is, until I healed this piece, there's an undercurrent of oh my God, am I going to be homeless.

Sandy Sembler: 20:05

Sacred she is to how we do anything is how we do everything, and so to even teach my partner these things. So, instead of him feeling like she's a control freak, it's like, wait a minute. When it comes to real estate, comes to homes, sandy has an undercurrent of you know, she needs some certainty in this area. The problem was and it sounds like this is what your aha is now, jenny, and I hope that we can work together, like more closely outside of your audience. But I know that the awareness alone is the beginning of change. And then there's acknowledgement, and then there's acceptance, and then there's allowing, and the allowing part is really the feminine, because the feminine is also about receptivity. And so I find that, like I mentioned, the financial planners, they do this test Because I know my financial planner was like this, was years ago, saying Sandy, you know, like I mentioned the financial planners, they do this test because I know my financial planner was like this, was years ago, saying Sandy, you're fine. Like I don't understand the stress during when COVID first happened and then and he apologized to me later when I explained to him what was going on, and he's like I'm so sorry. And now he's implemented these, these testings with his, you know, with his clients. It doesn't matter how much their net worth is, because perception is reality. Our brain is made to make us safe, happy.

Sandy Sembler: 21:09

And so I go back to what I shared is is that, you know, it's that we have to be able. The good news is, by the way, is that we get. The neuroplasticity in our brain can change. We can say I got it from my mama and if you don't like it, you can actually shift it from your mama. It doesn't have to be the same, and thank God for epigenetics that we can do that, which is why, you know, I studied the brain and why I bring the unsexy side of science into women's work, because if it was just as easy, as you know, eating a lollipop slowly and drinking a frou-frou drink, you know that would be boring to me, I actually we can go into embodiment.

Sandy Sembler: 21:44

So anxiety anxiety is when we are worried about the future. Depression is when we were trying to change the past period, and so when we're feeling anxious and, by the way, I say just like me, when I feel anxious the best it is is the best thing to remember is that the issues in the tissues, your body is keeping score and so there's something somatically that probably is happening that you need to shake it out. Our dogs shake right, and my dog trainer taught me this. It said if you want your dog to be less anxious, if you know you're going to be working all day, you have to at least walk them for 10 minutes. They need to have at least 10 minutes of exercise. It takes 10 minutes to and for humans as well, to move energy through us. So that's why, by the way and I know I sent you one of these meditations as well, my moving meditations, or at least you know at least two to three songs, which is around. One song is like four minutes, so it's around seven to eight minutes, generally 10 minutes, and we're able to move energy through us. So what I would suggest if you start feeling anxious like that, yes, it's great to go into masculine transcendental meditation. That's because breath works. Masculine meditation is masculine in that way, moving meditation or even is a way that you can get that out.

Sandy Sembler: 22:56

So even you could have gotten up and go in the bathroom and you could literally like there's like you could shake, shake. You can actually speak gibberish, which Like there's, there's like you could shake, shake, you can actually speak gibberish, which is crazy. I met with a new client yesterday and you know I had her. She's in Dubai and she's like well, you want me to do what? And it's like ants, all that chatter in the brain, it's like ants marching in a line. If we can put your finger imagine putting your finger in front of the ants and they scatter. We need to scatter all those thoughts. So the ants, and they scatter. We need to scatter all those thoughts so you literally can do this as well. And this is great because you've got three little guys sorry, little kids too and so if you're frustrated with them, instead of like bitching at them or you know why'd you do that? You could.

Sandy Sembler: 23:35

You're driving and they're in the back seat and you speak gibberish and that literally is an embodiment practice. It's not just something I made up scientifically. You just speak gibberish and it sounds crazy, but what happens is it scatters the brain. It's the same reason if you've been to a seminar and they have you take a limiting belief and stick your finger up your nose and speak like Minnie Mouse, it literally will scatters the brain. It's the same reason if you've been to a seminar and they have you take a limiting belief and stick your finger up your nose and speak like Minnie Mouse, it literally will scramble the limiting belief.

Sandy Sembler: 24:04

Now I do like to bring some sexiness and some sensuality in some of the practices. But people start speaking sacred, she Sacred. She becomes who you are. Kelsey, you mentioned my assistant. I've known her for 12 years and 13 years now and another business where I was. I was a leader for her and you know she's like sacred, she is who I am. I mean, there's sacred, she isms and like how we do anything's how we do everything.

Sandy Sembler: 24:29

And so people are gibberish, saying they're moving, they're all, they're all these little nuances that we'll put into you know, into your psyche, and it's practice. Just like we practice piano, you practice meditation, the kid, we're practicing basketball. You have to you, you must practice surrender, and so you could get up and you could go in the bathroom and you literally just shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out. There's so many things you can do in that moment, allowing the body versus trying to suppress it. You know the body is trying to tell you something, and so there's nothing wrong with meditation to me, to me transcendental meditation.

Sandy Sembler: 25:05

I meditate every day as well, and then I also do moving meditation, because To me, meditation actually it is, it is, it's preemptive. So you could actually. So you, you're calming the system, and then when something comes up, so you, you're calming the system, and then when something comes up, then you actually can move something. And that's why I tell women especially, you know the issues in the tissues. You've got probably got trauma in your hip, so, teaching you how to do hip circles, you could, even, as you go through different doorframes, you can mentally go Every time I go through a doorframe, do a body scan and go as my jaw tight every time I go through a doorframe, do a body scan and go is my jaw tight, open your mouth right, do a little, do a, do a hair flip, do do a hip circle, something to change your state.

Sandy Sembler: 25:45

So it's not like you work for nine hours and then you go home and then you've got to like, oh, be in your feminine.

Sandy Sembler: 25:50

There's a way that I like to teach this work where you don't have to just go to a retreat, you know, and go to Sedona and dance around a fire and like flowy dresses to be in your feminine, cause I would do that and I'd come home and then stress would hit me and I'm like I need more and then so I just upped the ante and so what I do in Sacred she and the Sacred she method is I I've learned literally from I think there's over like 70 teachers I've worked with personally in the last 10 years and I'm collapsing time, energy, money, heartbreak, heartache, can share kind of what needs, what I believe needs to be done and who you need to be in order to attract that into your life. So it's not that anxiety needs to go away. We first have to you know, be aware, acknowledge, accept it and allow it, versus trying to shove it back into like the sausage casing. So you feel it Does that make sense?

Jenny Benitez: 26:56

It does and I'll share more because it literally is. It's literally what you're saying and it was happening in my head, so I already know the reason why I woke up in a panic. So, similar to you, I grew up in a with very poor financial examples. There was a constant feeling of scarcity and lack, constant. I make more money than my parents ever did. I am incredibly successful. It's wild. My daytime profession, I mean I really work very hard. I'm very proud of it. I am very proud of it.

Jenny Benitez: 27:36

And even with that knowledge, and even though I was approved to purchase my home and I by myself, right like I have all these like financial approvals along the way, even with all of that, the fact that we're buying a new, new car this weekend yes, yes, unnerving me and I mean I, like typical masculine, ran the numbers many times, made sure we were cool to do this, like we're good to go and even with all of that on paper knowledge, it still woke me up in the middle of the night like, oh my God, is this? Can you really do this? And, as you said, I tried to. I acknowledged it because I already know that. That's there. I already know that I have this reaction to money and I'm trying to course correct and I'm still work in progress. And so when I woke up, I already knew like all right, this is what's bothering me and this is why I'm freaking out.

Jenny Benitez: 28:37

And so I acknowledged it, I paid homage, basically to say, like I know why you're freaking out, it's okay, we don't have to be the ego anymore, we don't have to be trying to, like you know, tightly control this. We're already okay. You're okay, like you're financially stable, you don't have to panic. You're okay, like you're financially stable, you don't have to panic. But there's that knee jerk reaction and I want to share that because I think, as you said, like I think women go through that all the time and we have these, like you know, in our core reactions and it is resulting from something else. And once you can identify, like the root, then you can understand like okay, I know how to trim this tree, I know how to, I know how to work with this a little bit more. And then my hope is that eventually I will be able to to help my own feelings with this, but I also want to make sure that I'm showing up a good example for my kids. I'd like to break the cycle of scarcity.

Sandy Sembler: 29:31

Well, I'll say this. I mean as I call it. My mentor years ago calls it like its own zip code. It's scare city, scare, yeah, zip code. So I think we grew up I guess I didn't realize you were my neighbor growing up so but I want to say I'm just going to like coach you, if you don't mind, if I can offer this.

Sandy Sembler: 29:50

Everything you said is true, and it's a very masculine way to metabolize this. What I want you to do is in the accepting it, because I believe there's 10 women, jenny, that live inside of us, and one of the women is actually our little girl, and there's also our inner teenager. She has her own identity too. What I'm hearing is there's a relationship between those two, and what we do in my program is we name them. They all have their own characteristics the way they dress, the way they eat, the way they smell, the way they show up. There's a shadow side to them too. It's actually a lot of fun. It sounds like oh my gosh, this is Sybil, it's not. It's like.

Sandy Sembler: 30:30

And then you teach these women to your partner so he can go like what am I talking to right now? Or oh, tammy's here, I can't wait, and you know, I have a Tammy. She's a T-A-M-I from South Carolina, which is where I'm from Cut off jeans, white beater t-shirt, no shoes, and she is street smart. She's a scrapper. She got me through my life and, for whatever reason, I feel like a little verklempt talking about her right now. She ran the show. She was the one that all the guys loved but they never wanted to take home. She was the one who is the fun, and what happened is is that you know different iterations, and this is what again.

Sandy Sembler: 31:06

What I'm bringing to people is that you know, when I was learning about these different archetypes, the way I like to teach them, no one told me that you don't want to completely lose you know and put her in the back corner because she was the fun. So then I'm uber responsible. So my point is is that there's what I'm hearing from you is that there's a beauty and and perhaps that's meeting all of them, and then I was saying hey, and then you know, we'll find out who, who, which one you need to talk to and go. I've got you. Like it was one of the first things that one of my mentors did with me is I got to meet my. I mean doing all the therapy. Of course, I met my inner child and this fundamental, but it was almost like it was out here.

Sandy Sembler: 31:51

Little girl is here, in fact, I like to say she's right here. So what I do is I do a whole practice in the meditation where you're on your knees, you literally look at her, you talk to her. She's probably pissed at you, especially in her teenagers. She's like yeah, whatever you know F you, you're not there for me. You know, I'm here protecting you, missy, right? And so there's a way that I pull this in the embodiment, that cause.

Sandy Sembler: 32:14

Embodiment isn't just dancing and moving, it's actually in that moment. How can you embody and bring in the little girl? So, simone's my little girl. It sounds nutty but it works and I'm like she's the one that I go. Hey, simone, did you like Jenny? Like, after we talked for our pre-interview, I said you like Jenny? Was she good, feel good about it? Yeah, okay, you feel okay, perfect, right. And um, they literally, you know, have a conversation with her and I'm like what do you think? And? And because that way, by acknowledging her right and by accepting her, by allowing her, what happens is is that is that part of us can calm down. So it's actually versus versus saying let's, don't feel this, just like we're not going to tell our kids not to feel something. You know, we want our kids to feel, we want us to feel, but something in our psyche is like don't emote.

Sandy Sembler: 33:02

And so the reason why there's so many women that are adrenal fatigue, cancer, whatever it is, it's because they're not allowing themselves to express themselves. You know, I have a client. Her father had like triple lymphoma or something like some cancer of the throat, and it's fascinating when what they found out was that he had had a child with a woman at work 30 years ago and he hit it and he knew about it. And when the cancer was diagnosed it was the same week that I guess this gal, the daughter, found him through Ancestry. Oh wow.

Sandy Sembler: 33:40

So what we surmise is that you know, by withholding right, you know there's a release there and these things are scientifically proven. I mean, it is so the more that we can get things out. This is why you know animals. You know animals when they're in and they're being attacked, you know they'll freeze. There's the, there's the different F's right.

Sandy Sembler: 34:02

There's fight fawn, there's fix, by the way, which is me, fix, yeah, and then and then and freeze, so flight, flight, flight.

Sandy Sembler: 34:13

Excuse me those four.

Sandy Sembler: 34:14

And but I'm a fixer and I don't mean fix it Like I'll solve the problem, but I mean, if there's any issue and this is how we can emasculate, by the way, our sons and our husbands if there's any problem that we're like get out the way I'll solve this, you know, as if, and how grandiose is that that we think that we can be the one to solve it all and then what happens is we've squashed our little guy or our big guy because we don't even look to them to help us solve a problem where I believe personally that men want to help solve.

Sandy Sembler: 34:43

They want us to be happy, and if they're not doing that, then they probably got a wounded feminine energy as well, or some mommy issues is what I find. So, within our programs, we're healing the mother wound, we're healing the father wound, we're healing the sister wound. Money wounds I find a lot of times come from mother wounds. Within our programs, we're healing the mother wound, we're healing the father wound, we're healing the sister wound. You know, money, money wounds I find a lot of times come from mother wounds because they, you know, women are not, and men as well. They, they don't receive well, and receiving is the feminine.

Sandy Sembler: 35:11

Now it could be a masculine too. If they're not organized and they're not detailed and you know they're not balancing their checkbook or whatever. I mean I don't balance my checkbook with much of the chagrin of my husband, but I always know I have enough money in there that I make sure it works, and that works for me. Now it doesn't work for him. So we've had a compromise and because I had a feeling that was like just the way I was raised, that was like not raised, but I was people my parents introduced me to and they were mentors of mine. Thank God they basically, you know, I trained myself with books and tapes and seminars and such.

Sandy Sembler: 35:43

I grew up in an Amway family and my parents never built a business. They got a divorce but I was like, oh my gosh, I mean you can actually be retired, you don't have to actually go to a J-O-B. You know all these things. I'm like wow, and that was basically. You know a job, you know all these things. I'm like wow, and that was basically you know. I mean I went to university and then I left university and then I've owned many companies and sold them and blah, blah, blah. But so I'm telling you that I didn't get my financial success from my parents, but they were so gracious that they introduced me to people that I was able to glean from, so just was there. That was a lot of information. Does that any of that ring true?

Jenny Benitez: 36:21

Yeah, honestly it does. So I actually wanted to circle back to the. You shared the story about the gentleman who had the throat cancer. This is not as severe, but it's a. It's kind of like a dotted line, like kind of similar situation when I, as I was going through my over the past two years, like learning myself and like reintroducing myself to myself, I did do a whole series of meditations where I was focusing in on like and I call her little Jenny because it was like little Jenny and when I did that series. There's two things I want to tell you. So there's when I did that series. That's where I actually discovered how much I want to be creative and how and how much.

Jenny Benitez: 37:00

I wasn't getting that through my job anymore because for a really long time I sort of passed off, cause I had always been a creative writer and I used to paint and sculpt when I was little like I was all in it and I used to create. I did creative writing all through high school and then my parents separated and I was like, well, this is, you know, can't make money here, I need to get a job. I'm going to go into communications and marketing. That's my strong suit. I'm a good communicator, this is where I'm going to live. And for a really long time it seemed to fulfill that creative outlet. But as I got older, I noticed less and less of that happening. But as I got older, I noticed less and less of that happening.

Jenny Benitez: 37:43

Along the same time that I started realizing that I was not being fulfilled, I got laryngitis three times and lost my voice. Yes, see, and I remember the first time it happened. I was like and I had always heard of laryngitis, but I didn't really think you would truly lose your voice. And then, because I was going through all the meditation practices at that time, it hit me and I was like you yes, physically lost your voice. But you must have, like, spiritually lost your voice a long time ago and now it's just starting to come out of you and you need to deal with this. So I took that as a sign to slow down and every time after that that I would get laryngitis, because it happened three times which was insane to me within one year, that I got laryngitis and I haven't had it since then. Like, the more I lean into the quantum field and understanding that and leaning into meditation and I thought I was every. It's interesting Every time I connect with a new person for the podcast, I learn a little bit more that I'm like, oh, but there's more. And that's where I how I feel about sacred she, by the way, I'm like dang, I'm like I thought I was doing a great job and I guess I am, but this is really going to put me over the edge. So, like you know, the more that I leaned into all of the good things and getting into alignment, the less that I got sick in my throat. And now it hasn't. It's been, I think, like about a year or so that you know it hasn't happened since then, but now I do take into account, like when my physical body starts to show me like, jenny, we're not feeling good, we need a minute. Before, the old me would have been like you're going to press through, you're going to ignore that need, you're going to keep going. Keep your head down, put the blinders on, you'll be all right. And now I don't do that.

Jenny Benitez: 39:25

So there was like about three weeks ago I think this is where I had to reschedule our recording calls and stuff. I got really sick and I got I had a stomach virus and then I had strep throat and I literally was like I was so annoyed because in that week I had a couple of podcast recordings. I was nearing being able to launch this new product I'm doing a how to podcast, like learning module online and I was like I'm like I was like so excited and I was like really jamming and getting all that work done and I was building the website for it and I was like, all right, next week I'm like.

Jenny Benitez: 39:57

I was like so excited and I was like really jamming and getting all that work done and I was building the website for it and I was like, all right, next week I'm going to launch. And that's exactly when I got sick and instead of getting really pissed off which is what I would have normally done I took it as a okay, this is your sign that you need to just slow down, and when it's time to launch that product, then you're going to launch the product. Like, don't get hung up right here in this moment. There's a reason you need to slow down. Just slow down right now and listen to yourself, and that's very difficult.

Sandy Sembler: 40:26

Yeah, and it is. And so that's where you know, I know, and meditation too, and just not even meditation, but just seeing your future self. So, and again, it's easier to something I'll add it's easier to anchor in change when you actually can feel the feelings that you desire to feel at the end. So, if you can feel yourself what it's going to feel like to have great health, for none of your kids to be neglected, your husband to be neglected, and you also see all the people that are going to be served by your product, there's something psychologically that happens in the nervous system where you're actually able to. Then that's what magnetizes us with flow, to be able to draw that success in, which is different than going and getting it. There's something there. There is a yin and yang to it, but I know that's another way that we can visualize. We've not just see it, but you must feel it as well. There's a way to feel it Like for me to, before I go on any podcast. For example and I'll use that, since you mentioned podcasts and we're on a podcast together is, you know, how do I want your audience to feel when they're listening to me? What's the Deli, mamart, that I want to, you know to, to leave them with, and, and that that in itself, you know it will serve me. I mean, including, even I'm going on a phone call or I'm going to see my son next week and visit him Like, what kind of experience do I want us to have? Versus just showing up and just letting happen whatever's going to happen. I mean, yes, that is going to be, that's the allowing, but there is some intentionality to it, and so you bring in the intentionality to it, and so you bring in the intentionality of the masculine, you bring in the, the feelings that you want to feel and them to feel, which is your feminine, and that's, and that's, the beauty of the harmonization of the two, which is why I never say balance, because balance already brings in an air of certainty, and when we're looking for complete certainty, then that means that there's no, there's not a lot of grace in there for margins of error. And again I want to honor you too. I'll use again through the concept of my eyes is, you know, when I first started doing this work, 10, 11 years ago, when I was learning about masculine energy? The masculine is time and space, it's integrity, it's keeping your word.

Sandy Sembler: 42:31

So you know, I and I did this a lot when, especially after my son was born a month early, my only son, biological son, and I had committed. I was in the mortgage business training a friend of mine and Cameron was born a month early and I still trained her Like I didn't take any maternity leave because I gave my word. And I will tell you it still brings tears to my eyes because I was like I gave my word. It was like toxic masculinity, right. So I can tell you that I realized that I was, I didn't feel into what was best for the world. It was best for the world is, you know, hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen, I had no idea. And can we compromise here and work something out? And you know, if she would have been upset, then that's not my friend, but I didn't know. I was and I also I was in survival mode.

Sandy Sembler: 43:18

What I mentioned before and I wish that you know Cameron's dad, my partner at the time, that he would have come in and go. No, because all women will go to this in relationship. I've got it. Us hearing I've got it and having someone come in and go. No, you know, you know no me. He came in and basically I'd pump and he'd feed Cameron, but the resentment was building up because I wanted to be I mean, I wanted to be the one doing that, but I also didn't have the wherewithal.

Sandy Sembler: 43:46

People like, well, why didn't you speak up? It's the same thing Like, why didn't you leave an abusive spouse? Or why, because my brain was going, I need to make money, we're going to starve if we don't. Oh my God, he was born a month early. We didn't even have the crib put together. I mean, it was my whole world. Honestly, it was survival.

Sandy Sembler: 44:03

And so and I'm sharing these things so passionately because we don't know, we think it's just well, you should adjust. Well, you should adjust well, you should. Well, again, the brain is going no, danger, danger. So there are ways to override that lovingly. There are ways and and and also, like I love working with, with women who are single or you know whether they're newly single or they're just single, because there is is something about understanding your nervous system and how your body will, will, is a, is like a tuning fork and will tune to a frequency. And this is also why, when I'm working with a woman who you know, who is in partnership and wants it to be, you know, revived.

Sandy Sembler: 44:44

I don't necessarily never need to talk to the partner. Sometimes it can just take one person to do the shifting and, of course, most of us blame the other. We don't look within, but I'm going to teach you how to look within and then that's going to be a way that you can actually shift by simply how you're showing up with the three ways of relating that we teach. So it's just there's so much there to unpack and, like I said, working with people in relationship, not just an intimate partnership, but in all relationships. Again, how we do anything is how we do everything. And I have a way we do this sacred relationship vision, where it's not just he's going to be six foot four with green eyes and he loves kids, or when we do the business. It's going to be I've got 15 employees and we have this motto that we're going to serve 12 million lives in five years.

Sandy Sembler: 45:30

It's more of like there's a way that you want to feel, there's a way that you want to show up there's energetically. How does it jive with your nervous system? Does this even bring you joy? And one of the first emotions that we work with, with women, is there's two actually. There's first off, just unadulterated, childlike joy, not conditional happiness, because those are two different things, they're the same. They're the same the different sides of the same coin. But joy is for no other reason that we are alive, right? Other reason that we are alive, right. And then there's also rage. You know, there's so many women that are afraid to feel sacred rage, because they are afraid that once they feel an emotion, they won't be able to stop it. And so I'm here to tell you that that's why we do these practices, that we may actually even evoke those emotions in a container, you know, a 10 minute container, or what have you?

Sandy Sembler: 46:20

Whatever we set up that, you know, um, that you can feel it in that time. And then you give yourself permission and you, you train the nervous system. You train the nervous system, um, that's why you know, when you're working I love working with people that hold a lot of space, because, um, I help you train your nervous system, to train your masculine to be able to hold a lot of space, while also training the feminine to not be able to. You don't have to take everybody's stuff on, so you can zip yourself up, hold a lot more space. If you're doing groups, you know, instead of doing 20 people, you could do thousands of people, because you learn how to hold space, while also the feminine able to read the room and determine what do people need.

Sandy Sembler: 47:04

And, and this is what, when we work with couples because we do work with couples as well it generally always starts with the woman finding us and then and then going from there.

Sandy Sembler: 47:09

But we're training the more masculine partner because this works with same-sex relationships as well the more masculine partner to be able to hold, you know, the more feminist wildness and her, you know her big, her big personality, because generally what we find is that the reason why relationship has gone flat is because it's gone stagnant, because there, you know, one's trying to stuff, he, he more masculine, trying to stuff her and wants her to be calm, cause that calms his nervous system, but she sometimes needs to be wild and so to be able to hold more. Now there's a nuance to that too, I'll say, because there is a way we can emote and it can feel abusive, right, but so there's a way you check in as your back and heart open, because if it's not, then it can be abusive to you and to him. So anyway, it's like these nuances. Obviously, we're not gonna cover it all in this cast, but this is the work we do within our programs.

Jenny Benitez: 48:04

You know it's interesting because you touched on something there that happens between me and my husband and I'm going to share it with the audience. So we in our house are very mindful of our energy and keeping a peaceful. Household because our kids so my son was born in 2016 and my twins were born in 2017. Household because our kids so my son was born in 2016 and my twins were born in 2017. So it was pretty much pure chaos. Survival from 2017 to 2020, roughly Like I actually didn't even get myself to a doctor for like a checkup, just for a regular physical until like 2019. Like I, it was like just madness.

Jenny Benitez: 48:41

So we're very mindful of like keeping things like not too explosive. You know Cause for a really long time it was just explosive all the time and something that had happened was, you know, we'll feed off of each other's energies. So if my husband is in a really bad mood, like that will ultimately get to me and I'll start picking up on it, and then I'll start getting, like you know, bitchy with the kids. Basically, now we're like incredibly mindful of it, and so we'll literally say to each other, like and I'll tell them, like you seem to be in a bad energy, like I'm going to go out with the kids and we'll try to like like separate, basically, and let the other person like do their thing.

Jenny Benitez: 49:19

But what was happening too, was that if I was just stressed out, anxious, whatever the case was, he would pick up on my energy and then like later on he would kind of like shame me for it and be like you know, you know I pick up on your energy and you know, when you get like that, like it immediately like triggers me and we he would tell me about it and I my response was always like you're going to have to figure out a way to deal with this, because I am allowed to have feelings like you're gonna have to just be okay with this and figure out a way to tune into me, to like help calm the situation down. So now it's very interesting like sense for each other and when we get triggered, we're able to like dull the trigger within almost minutes. Now because it's just we're so aware of each other and like he is a really good communicator now and because I have worked so hard on communicating it, it has helped really like level that because for a really long time, like he would say that to me and I would get so mad, but I wouldn't say anything to him and then I would be pissed off and like begrudging him Cause I'm like what, I'm not allowed to have emotions, and I'd be mad for like three days about that. But now like, oh true.

Sandy Sembler: 50:36

We put it all out there. I love that. And there's even more artfulness that you could even bring to that. That's really incredible. So kudos to you guys, amazing. And there's even more that you can do to bring more art and fun to that. I mean, just sometimes an ouch is all you need to say for there to be a change in state. And then, because that's a very stage two way to communicate, which is beautiful, I'd love to bring in more stage three, which is this artful, sacred theater way that you know where he could, when he senses that you're stressed out, he could come over and you know, kind of gently like look you right in the eyes and say, hey, babe, you know I've got you, and I mean that just melts us Right.

Sandy Sembler: 51:22

I literally just melted a little bit when you did it. I mean I tell you what a man tells me, you know, oh my gosh, he's shocked that his wife's leaving, our partner's leaving. I'm like, well, and we have a conversation. I mean, when's the last time like you gently pushed her up against the wall and held her hands over her head and said, babe, I've got you, and he's like, but she'll push away. I went, yeah, I mean, I'm not saying you want to force yourself on her, but there's, energetically, you know, the feminine, the more feminine creature is going to always test to see, is it real, especially if abandonment and abuse and rejection in your childhood to see, are you, are you man enough to be there for me and there? And there's a way, you know, to that that we work with those energies to to be able to. There's nuances there.

Sandy Sembler: 52:04

Again, I, I love that you just brought up co-regulation. You didn't use the word, but it's co-regulation. And and again, this is not sexy. I, I mean, I teach the last 5% of healing happens in relationship and these are things as I've alchemized. This, you know, in my, in my current relationship is is because you know, these are things that I knew, obviously, but I didn't even bring it to to my, to my audience and my clients until we were cause, I just thought this, you know, we, we just did this together. And then, as we're together and I'm like, oh, wow, you know, are we co-regulating? And then how do we bring this and bring this to to our audience? Because that in itself is so loving.

Sandy Sembler: 52:44

Again, it's not sexy when you're doing your list. Oh, and he and we co-regulate, you know, got a secure attachment style like what but? But? But I was secure attachment style before I met my husband. I did all this work. I mean, I was doing this work for years before I met, met John, and, and of course, I was secure until I got triggered.

Sandy Sembler: 53:04

And then, when you get triggered, you go to the second and then so what do you do there? Because that's really where the juice is. The juice is you never really know you're in partnership until you look over at your partner who's asleep, snoring, and go good God, why did I do this? Why am I even here? Everything was so easy when I was single, kind of a thing, and this is why I love to work with people before they even, you know, commit to a partner, whether it's an I do or in any type of union, but definitely people that have already been a cycle or two you know of of relationships and they keep attracting the same situation. I mean we will do that until we stop.

Sandy Sembler: 53:41

You mentioned earlier that you really are hungry and your desire is to essentially heal some of the generational curses, and the buck stops with you, and I honor you for that too. I work a lot with energetics, where we actually are going to heal those things too, because we don't want to pass this down, um, and you know, like I said, we get it from our mama, maybe, but do we have to keep passing it on? No, um, we don't have to. But it it's simple, but it's not easy, and I don't think healing has to be arduous. I think there can be art form and some fun to it, and that's, you know. I think that's what you've picked on in the few times that you and I've connected and some of the resources I've shared with you, you know, off the grid, because I I, I want more people to be able to experience their, to in their feminine experience, their life, versus just doing their life. It's a big difference.

Jenny Benitez: 54:32

I like that. You said that because I have talked a few times on other episodes about, you know, being in the moment, because when so I'm not I'm not an avid social media user I literally will only use LinkedIn, like that's kind of my thing, and the podcast has an Instagram account, but I'm not really on there, and so when I'm out, I quite often see everybody with their phones recording things or doing that you know, whatever, and I always think to myself, like you know, you're not really here Right, like when you're out and about, and it seems like it's almost like something that is starting to bubble up in society, like on a greater level, where now we're having generations, not just like oh, a few thousand, we're talking. Generations are now growing up not being in the moment, being constantly plugged into a device, being constantly thinking about like, oh, I need to post this because I want to get these likes and this and that or whatever, or I'm going to go, I'm going to be a TikTok famous, whatever it is Like. Now we have this whole generation that is going to be disconnected from their core and from their alignment because they're so focused on the outer and really not being mindful.

Jenny Benitez: 55:47

In the moment I was coaching my stepson about this, because he's not like real big on it either, but he was telling me he really wanted to start meditating and I actually said to him I was like, look, you know what you should do. Why don't you just start practicing mindfulness, like that's like step number one, like start just being in the moment. Don't, like you know, spread yourself too thin. And I said, when you're at work, cause he works with his hands I was like, when you're at work, think about the feeling of the tools in your hands. Yes, I was like, just start there.

Jenny Benitez: 56:16

I actually that's how I started doing it. I would start to think about like, even like going like this, like when I it's literally like a little thing that I did and you can't, guys, you can't see me right now, but I'm taking my fingers and rubbing them along with the palms of my hands, and it's something that I started doing to almost like recenter myself back into the moment. And anything you're doing, if you're washing dishes, that you're folding laundry, like I mean I now use those examples because I always do it when I'm doing chores I'm like, jenny, just be in this moment, right now, like just true, it's the five.

Sandy Sembler: 56:43

I actually, you, literally to your point. That's making art out of the mundane. You use your five senses. You know you want to calm down. You go, what am I feeling right now? I'm like when you were in bed last night. I can feel the coolness of my sheets. What are you smelling? I can smell my fabric softener. What am I hearing? My husband gently snoring, right, what am I tasting? I can taste, you know, the toothpaste in my, whatever it is, and that literally what you're, what you're teaching him is, is mindfulness. And you can go deeper, like what you know.

Sandy Sembler: 57:11

In that moment you can orient yourself. You know, you know my name is Sandy Sembler. It's 2.02 in the. You know in the morning. You know I live in, you know, palmetto, florida, I mean all these kinds of things, right, there's way, and you orient yourself and that actually also calms the brain because you're giving it certainty. What am I smelling? So that's beautiful. What a beautiful gift you know to give him. And you know, I know I would love it if they would, you know, teach more meditation and such in school. And I want to say this too, and I know we're wrapping up in a few what you shared is true is it's not just that people are detached, that it has been proven now, and one of my clients who's a C-level exec and she said, sandy, these young people don't even know how to have conversations.

Jenny Benitez: 57:57

No.

Sandy Sembler: 57:57

She goes. We're literally teaching these. We have classes now to teach how to interact face to face they don't know how to do it.

Jenny Benitez: 58:05

Yeah, yeah, I've observed it. I've actually observed that in real time with my stepson, um. I've observed it with, like interns that would come in to organizations that I'm working in and they just don't know how to interact with people and it's because they're just used to those little snippet interactions on social media and they don't know how to do the full dialogue. It'll be very interesting and I think about this quite a bit. It'll be very interesting to see in 10, 15, 20 years what the workforce looks like and how jobs shift, because we have this whole generation of people coming up that are being taught things in a different way and they're just not there. You know, even like I think about communications industry cause that's what I do for for my daytime job and I'm like, wow, if we're not, these kids aren't being taught these tools, and like they are not really understanding how to engage and present and do all this stuff. Like what's going to happen here? Like you know, there there's it's. It's crazy when I think about it on that level.

Sandy Sembler: 59:05

It is, it is, it's, it's maddening too, and I, you know, my son's 24 and I witnessed that with him as well, and and it, yeah, if I could do it all over again, I mean I, I wouldn't have introduced any, any of those things to him until a later age, but then again it's become it's the, it's the times too. So it's like there's there is a, a balance to it all and also, um, I mean boundaries, to be honest with you. So I, I'm with you. I just, she was telling me this yesterday, my client, and she says it's just, it's maddening, it's hard to believe that that that's just such a hard, a hard, um, they don't know, they don't know what they don't know what they don't know, they're just what they're used to. And so, um, it's like my mom, for example, real lifetime.

Sandy Sembler: 59:50

My mom said you know I can't get Cameron to, you know to, to call me, and um, you know she just wants to text, and I'm like, and text him. I mean, if you want to talk to your grandson, and that's the way he's communicating, then just text him, just do it, yeah, or just bitching at him that he's not, because that'll never get a man to be motivated. If you're nagging him, I'll say this as we're signing out. I mean, listen, a sure way. What happens with most women is that we want to motivate our men and our little boys in the way that we are motivated through complaining, criticism and comparing, and that's emasculation. Your, you know your partner and your, your son. And how can you act? With little little steps, minute steps, to heal your own masculine energy, but also to heal your relationship to the masculine out there in the world. Fascinating, and yeah, I so. It's that we could go on and on. I mean, I could you know?

Jenny Benitez: 1:00:55

I could literally like, as you were talking, I'm like I was thinking to myself, like I and I know we could probably talk about that for a while, and I know we're going to wrap up, so I will just say this I had actually, when I, right before I met my husband, I actually had started to do research on that because I was one of those like hyper alpha females that was like, oh, you're going to mold to me. And and then I started reading all these books. That was like really telling me the opposite. It's like, no, you really that's not how it works. Like, and if you're, you know, trying to really build a life with a man, like you're not going to force him to mold to you. And everyone around me was like, no, like you put your foot down or you nag him or do this and that and my husband does not respond to that Like I mean, we wouldn't have made it past the first year if like, so, like I really took a lot of time to like understand his communication style. And well, how is it that? Like, and I would have.

Jenny Benitez: 1:01:49

I actually observed a lot how he interacted with his mother and was like okay, well, how does she communicate with him and I was like, well, you know she's a little bit, you know she's amazing, but she was a little bit much with him and I'm, like you know, like he needs like a softer touch, like needs to feel valued.

Jenny Benitez: 1:02:02

He needs to feel that I value him as a man, regardless of, regardless of anything else. Like he needs to feel valued as a man. What do men need? They need to feel valued. They do need sex and I know nobody really wants to like say that too much, but like they do, they need physical intimacy. They need to feel valued and like, as long as you're showing up for them in that way that they're looking for, like you're going to get this wonderful response. Like I was just talking to my cousin about this recently and I was like you know, the physical intimacy is such a huge component and a lot of women don't really realize how important that is to the man and how the man's going to show up in the relationship.

Sandy Sembler: 1:02:41

It's really a big deal, and that's why we call it sacred respect discourse, because it's about it is about respect. Of course the women also want their masculine energy, wants that as well. But if you want to polarize relationship, I mean this really is I mean again, I say same sex relationship to whoever's more masculine? There is something that that you know, that that's probably missing. And so the first thing is is that how do you pour on respect? And I tell women too, I mean you have to feel safe before you. You know you allow yourself to be penetrated, literally with another person and you know, notice yourself, because, remember, when we close our energy right and we criticize and there's three, there's C's I'm talking about it does, it does push them away. So there's there's ways that we, that we touch on everything you just shared within within the work that we do.

Sandy Sembler: 1:03:32

So I honor. I honor you for everything you've learned up to this point, and now it's just a matter of like getting it in the body. So it's just becomes who you're being versus something that you're doing.

Jenny Benitez: 1:03:40

Yes, 100%. I absolutely agree with you Listeners. I highly recommend I'm going to put all the links for Sandy's resources, for reaching out to her, to following her on her socials. Everything's going to be in the description of this episode Strong, strong recommendation to start looking into this. If you're feeling disconnected at all, or even if you're not feeling disconnected, you might not realize that you actually are disconnected. So this is huge. We are the wave of the future. Our daughters are the wave of the future. You need to really show up now for yourself so that we can make a better future for everybody else. So, sandy, thank you so much for coming on. I have literal tingles in my arms. I have goosebumps from talking to you. This has been so amazing. Thank you so much for joining me today.

Sandy Sembler: 1:04:27

I really appreciate your candor, vulnerability, and I'm looking forward to you and I helping educate women more to the to your point, the sandysumlercom slash quiz is a free resource and I know you'll have that in the show notes. But again I just want to say thank you for for again these are, you know, two successful women side by side and um, wanting to change the world, and I think we need more women who are willing to not compete and be able to help lift each other up, and that's why I believe in sisterhood so much. So again, thank you.

Jenny Benitez: 1:04:56

Absolutely. Thank you so much. Thank you everybody for listening and we'll catch you next time.