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Steel Roses Podcast
Steel Roses is a podcast created for women by women. Social pressures for women are constant. Professionals, stay at home moms, working moms, we are here to tell you that you are not alone! This podcasts primary focus is providing real honest content shedding light on the daily struggles of women while also elevating women's voices.
All women are experiencing similar pressures and hurdles, and yet, no one is talking out in the open. If these topics continue to only exist as whispered conversations then we further permeate a culture of judgement and shame.
Join Jenny weekly as she discusses topics that effect women in a relatable, honest way.
Steel Roses Podcast
Elisabeth Schellekens from Elle's Corner Addresses Post Partum Trauma to Becoming Whole Again
Does the pressure of motherhood sometimes feel like too much to bear? Join us as we chat with Elizabeth Schellekens, the founder of Elle's Corner, who opens up about her deeply personal battle with postpartum depression despite her background as a mental health counselor. Elizabeth shares her journey through a difficult pregnancy and the emotional toll of motherhood, shedding light on the immense pressures new mothers face. We touch on the importance of support and understanding in overcoming these overwhelming feelings, and Elizabeth's mission to break the stigma around maternal mental health.
Ever felt the mental strain of trying to "do it all" as a parent? I reveal my own struggles with severe sleep deprivation and its severe health impacts, while Elizabeth recounts her battles with anxiety and depression, even with medication. We discuss the unsustainable pressures of certain parenting styles and the importance of accepting help. Elizabeth's story of being unable to sleep despite taking strong sleep medication underscores the severe impact of maternal anxiety and depression. Together, we emphasize the necessity of support systems and partnerships to alleviate the mental load carried by mothers.
Elizabeth's journaling during her pregnancy and depression led her to create three impactful courses for mothers. These courses focus on mental health during pregnancy, postpartum challenges, and building confidence and joy in motherhood. Our discussion also highlights the physiological and emotional complexities of postpartum depression and the critical need for societal support and awareness. Through personal anecdotes, we underscore the importance of self-compassion, educating our children about managing health challenges, and seeking professional help when needed. Tune in to hear Elizabeth's empowering insights and learn about the resources available to support maternal mental health.
More from Elisabeth:
Blog: Creating a healthy social media diet
Elle's Corner https://www.elles-corner.com/
Elle's online courses:
Pregnancy Guide to Postpartum Mental Health
SOS Postpartum
Confident Motherhood
Interested in podcasting? Check out Podcasting Unboxed: Your Comprehensive Start Up Guide
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Hello everybody, good morning. Welcome to another episode of Still Roses podcast. This podcast is created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. Another amazing guest today. I'm very excited to introduce Elizabeth Schellekens to all of you. Elizabeth is actually on a mission to remove the stigma around maternal mental health. She's the visionary founder of Elle's Corner and a passionate motherhood and mental health counselor. Her driving force is to ensure no mother has to face challenges of postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety alone background in psychology and her own harrowing experience with a difficult pregnancy and severe postpartum depression to create essential resources and tools to empower women during their transformative postpartum journey. Elizabeth, this is so important I cannot say it enough. I think I've done at least four or five episodes on postpartum discussions, so welcome to the show. Yeah, I would love it if you share your story where you started and what your story was, and then how you got inspired to use your story to help other people.
Elisabeth Schellekens:Yeah well, thank you so much for that wonderful introduction. I think it briefly touched upon it already a little bit. I'm Elizabeth, the founder of else quarter, and after I got pregnant, my pregnancy was really difficult. I spent nine months in bed and after my daughter was born, little wonderful bundle of joy. But unfortunately I got a horrible postpartum depression very soon and I spent months being really depressed and suicidal. Um, and even though I had an amazing support system and access to health care, it was still really hard and I felt so, so alone and that is why slash how Else Corner was born. Before I got pregnant, I already was a counselor, I already had my own private practice, but I just remember telling myself when not if I get through this, I'm going to make sure to make it my life's mission that no other mom has to go through PPD, ppa, postpartum motherhood, motherhood journey alone, without resources, without support, without, like all the things that I felt were lacking in my journey, and that's what I'm here to do. So that's a short version of it, jenny.
Jenny Benitez:I think this is amazing and you know how excited I am about these kinds of things, because using our own experience to help other women is like the cornerstone of the podcast, like that's why we do all these episodes is we want to hear everyone's stories. So for you, during that time after your daughter was born, did you know about postpartum depression before?
Elisabeth Schellekens:Yeah. So already as a mental health professional I was already treating women who had postpartum anxiety or were already a bit further through postpartum depression anxiety or were already a bit further through postpartum depression. So intellectually I knew all about it, I knew what to look out for, I knew all the signs, I knew the difference between the baby blues and actually postpartum depression. But let me tell you, when you actually are experiencing it and then you think of it, it is a very different.
Jenny Benitez:You know, um, I I've actually had a note to myself cause I wanted to say this to you I remember, before I got pregnant, before I had my kids, um, I had, I was not prepared like at all. I read books, quote, unquote, and you know, I used to my husband already had two kids and I used to like really just go to town on a soapbox and be like, well, this is the kind of mom I'm going to be and this is what I'm going to do and you know, I'm going to do all this and I'm going to make all my own food and I like had all the all these like really grand, grand designs on, like on how I was going to manage things.
Jenny Benitez:And then, when my son was born, I didn't have PPD. When my son was born, I actually was able to bounce back fairly quickly after he was born, but what ended up happening was my twins I got pregnant with only four months after my son was born and I think because of that my hormones never really settled.
Elisabeth Schellekens:And so.
Jenny Benitez:I never experienced PPD with him, but after my twins were born, I remember, prior to pregnancies and prior to everything else, I had anxiety, I had depression, I had issues when I was in my early 20s that I had to deal with when I was in my early twenties that I had to deal with, and so I already had a sense that there there could be times in your life where your mind is not your own, almost, and that's the best way that I could I could really think of it is that it's, it's almost like it's running. And then there's a part of you that's like wait, this doesn't really sound like me. And so after my twins were born, I remember the initial feelings that I had was resentment, because not to them. But I used to get really mad when people would come to the house and be like freshly showered and makeup and you know, just kind of like waltzing in and being like, oh, they're so cute and kind of like playing with them for a few minutes and then leaving, and I was like, are you kidding?
Jenny Benitez:me Like, I'm like crusty and gross and and um, I stayed home with. So when I stayed home with my twins for Matt leave, I was out of work for about four months. My little my son stayed too. So I had all three of the kids at once and my husband went to work every day and were you resentful to your, to your husband?
Elisabeth Schellekens:You know I, I wasn't resentful.
Jenny Benitez:Yeah, you know what I that part I wasn't as resentful about because I also and this is like that mental load thing early on that I had I also was really cognizant of his mental health and, like him getting out of the house, and I absolutely prioritized go ahead, go like I'm suffering here, but you don't have to just go and.
Jenny Benitez:I used to like because he, you know, he needed to get out of the house too, and I and it was a lot, and I recognized like this is a lot, a lot, and I recognize like this is a lot, and to me in my head I was like I will handle this, I will take care of this, and I did, um, but to my own expense, basically like to my own expense.
Elisabeth Schellekens:Yeah, what cost indeed, oh my god, that that sounds really like. Obviously, like all moms and all women are champions, but you know, when you actually hear the stories like yours, it's, it's just amazing what a woman can do, but at the same time, like the sort of resentment that you just talked about. I feel that way too, because we shouldn't really have to all the time, right, no, no, no. Just because we can doesn't mean we should.
Jenny Benitez:Exactly, and it took me a very long time to to really and I mean literally like seven years like it took me. It's taken me like my whole kid's lives to realize like just because I can't manage everything doesn't mean that I should be managing everything, and that's one thing that I've said on like a lot of other episodes. When I talk about like remembering back when the kids were little, I was like adamant, I'm going to take care of this and I'm going to do all the things. And just because I'm working full time and you know, having to juggle back and forth, like when I returned to work after everybody was born and I went back to work, I was fortunate enough that I was able to.
Jenny Benitez:This is pre-covid I secured a work from home position and I was able to manage my own schedule, so that was a huge help.
Jenny Benitez:But on that same note, it was like a 24-7, like constant cycle of like I would be awake at five o'clock in the morning, um, sometimes I would have to work from like 5 to six 30 to like get the ball rolling for my day, and then I would stop work from six 30 to like seven, 30 to get my kids over to daycare and then I would go back on to work and I would work all the way through, like literally I wouldn't even leave my desk, I would just sit there and work until about four, 35 o'clock, make dinner, go and get the kids from daycare, get them home, feed them, bathe it Like it was, and it was just, and then I would log back into work at like nine o'clock.
Jenny Benitez:Because I also had the mentality of well, yes, I have three young children, but I can still do all the things I can still do all of this. And I went from 26, starting in 2016, not so bad, but once I had all three it got really, really bad. And from 2017 to about 2019, 2020, like right before COVID, I was only sleeping maybe two hours a day for about two and a half years.
Jenny Benitez:And it was like sporadically spaced out. It wasn't even like oh, I was sleeping for two hours and getting up. It would be I'm sleeping for 30 minutes. Somebody woke up. I have to get up, I have to do this, this and this, and then I would fall asleep somewhere random.
Jenny Benitez:Yeah, and then I have to get back up and like it was it was. It's not legitimate. No, it was legitimate insanity and I've said to a lot of folks like this was not the way to go, this was not like this is not what you want. Just because I did it and I was able to get through it doesn't mean that I advocate for that. I don't advocate for that. I actually drove myself insane. Um, my health was in in toilet. Basically, I was incredibly obese. I was almost 400 pounds.
Jenny Benitez:I was miserable. And then when I went to the doctor because I was like I'm having all these health problems, my knees hurt, I can't lose any, any weight, I'm trying this and that and she literally boiled it down to. She was like well, if you're only sleeping for two hours a day, your body doesn't have energy for anything except maintaining essential functions. So if you don't get more sleep, you're, you're taking years off your life and at the time you didn't end up in a psychosis or something yeah, I laugh about it now, but I, I mean yeah.
Jenny Benitez:I, elizabeth, when I tell you that I like had blinders on, like I legitimately in my head would say to myself just keep going yeah, that's all I would say to myself. Yeah all you can do is three steps ahead. Just keep, keep going, it's okay.
Jenny Benitez:You're going to get there and I just kept my head down for about three years and like, literally, if I had gone any further down that path and if I hadn't changed what I was doing, I probably would have ended up breaking at some point, either physically or mentally, like something would have happened. It would have been yeah terrible.
Elisabeth Schellekens:I get that like, but also the, the. What I'm hearing a little bit in your story is the, the feeling that you had to do it all yourself. Because you chose this, uh, because, like that's very familiar to me, that for me I guess, like some moms that I treat in my practice are don't really want to have anything to do with their baby or have trouble bonding with their baby. But then other moms for instance, that was also me, like I, I thought I wanted a baby. Yeah, I have to do everything myself.
Elisabeth Schellekens:So I like, like I was with her all the time for everything. I could not sleep. I could like I was just so tightly wound I couldn't even sleep because I wanted to be there for everything and I held her so close and like I couldn't even like be in the other room, I wouldn't even go to the toilet without her. Like and yeah, I mean you know I always say for every mom and every family you have to do what feels right for you. So if that is a style of parenting that feels good for you and doesn't exhaust you and gives you energy, then that works for you. Then you know, good, good for you. But if you're doing it because of some misguided feeling that you feel that you have to do it, then you're on the wrong path.
Jenny Benitez:Yeah, I was in that misguided bunch and because I at the time both my parents lived very close by Like my mother-in-law was amazing. She always was willing to help. She was always willing. She was like I'll come and stay, Like I'll take care of them, Like I'll help you, and I was so damn determined to just do it all myself.
Jenny Benitez:That even when people Elizabeth, even when people came to help and said, go, lay down, we're here, we will just watch the kids go take our nap, I couldn't do it. I'd be like, oh, you have the kids, okay, I gotta go grocery shopping, I gotta do laundry, I gotta do it. And it would be like, oh, you have the kids, let me do everything else and try to squeeze it into a two hour period. And it's like, why, why, why were you doing that to yourself, jenny? Like, but I, I just I couldn't let it go. And you know, I have heard from mom friends that like their anxiety was like through the roof same way, and they just couldn't, they couldn't let anyone else help. So during that time for you, when you were going through, like after you had your daughter, was it like similar in nature, like you couldn't, yeah, you couldn't.
Elisabeth Schellekens:So for me that's the same, but also, like I hear this so much from my clients in my practice. But for me, my, my parents, my husbands, were amazing. And my my husband, like, just immediately, like you know, that pink cloud, like you know the in love with the baby he had, that he was like let's have another one. Two days in and I was just thinking, what did I do? But uh, and so my parents, they were also really great with her and I remember one time it got pretty bad, so I hadn't, I just couldn't sleep, I hadn't slept in like a couple days and I was just a zombie.
Elisabeth Schellekens:And my, my doctor, my psychiatrist, he, she prescribed me sleep medication, right, so I took the sleep medication, but I was still breastfeeding, but there was enough pumped milk in the fridge and there was there, there was everything. And so my mom was sleeping actually on the same floor as me and baby, and baby was sleeping in her own room. And I remember waking up through the sleeping medication, waking my mom up, because I was at a stage where I wasn't really seeing straight anymore. So, like, even though I was going to feed her myself, I knew that I needed my mommy there, you know. So I woke up through the sleep medication.
Elisabeth Schellekens:I went over to wake up my mom and then, like we both went to my baby's room and got my baby and I latched her myself on my breast while I was like in the midst of this intense sleeping medication that was supposed to knock out an elephant, you know, and I was so tightly wound with anxiety and depression that that was. That was just my reality. That's just one example. But yeah, I like stories like yours and stories like mine. Um, when I open up about them, I almost every single person I talked to either says I've had that too, or they say I have someone in my direct vicinity, family circle that has gone through this, but still we only talked about it that much. So kind of crazy.
Jenny Benitez:Well that you know what I think too like, and you had said, you highlighted it from my, you pulled it from my story and you said you felt similarly. I think a lot of of women, once they have the baby, are like I. I made this decision to have a child and well, okay, yes, sure, but like this, somebody else had to be involved. Like there wasn't, there's no way you could have done it alone. Like somebody else was in the mix here. So it's just, um, I it's almost like, and I don't know, I know that chemically like after you have a child and I think we talked about this during our, our intro call but after you have a child, like they have done studies on women's brains, and after you give birth, that there's an actual physical change that happens to your brain.
Jenny Benitez:And it's like a rewiring almost in some sorts, because now you're a mom and it's almost giving you that instinct to your kids. I actually used to say and I still say this, like when my kids were younger. I remember the one time like I, we were like about to go to sleep or we were in our room watching a movie or something and I popped up and I was like oh, I think one of the kids has a fever. And my husband was like why, oh, what are you talking about? Like he was like don't go in there, you're gonna disturb them. And I was like no, I know, I think so I think someone's sick.
Jenny Benitez:And he was like what the hell are you talking about? And I opened the door and I it's almost like I could smell it and I was was like you don't smell that. And he was like what are you talking? And literally he was like what are you, are you insane?
Jenny Benitez:And I went in and, sure enough, one of the girls had a fever and needed care and like, and there was a lot of times where I would pop up and be like the baby's awake and he's like what? I didn't hear anything and then three seconds later the baby would cry and he was like how did you? And so there's this innate thing that happens. But my point because I kind of went off there is that we physically go through a change after we give birth, like our brains actually change. It's quantifiable and a lot of issues that I've heard too, is that women experience this grand change, but then their partners are not going through that same physical change, grand change, but then their partners are not going through that same physical change. And that's actually where a lot of the problems will start, between couples too, because now I've had this massive change in my life and then you hear that, like men are from Mars, women are from Venus. It's like every single woman that I have heard about this is like it's like nothing changed for him.
Jenny Benitez:He's totally fine, gets up, goes to work, goes to the gym and continues on his life yeah with no like.
Elisabeth Schellekens:You know, there's some sense, but at the same time it's like there's almost no sense and it's like no, but he still is like yeah, but you know we're talking now about brain, brain chemistry changing, and I do know that there's some things for men as well, but I think I don't really know conclusive, like conclusions on that. But next to the brain, changes the physiology there. Uh, what about our hormones? So you know, you have certain hormones that you make and that you um make up and through giving birth, and then as soon as your baby comes out, they drop, like you know, like from a cliff, and then if you breastfeed, your prolactin and your oxytocin and all those hormones, they like, they go, like this.
Elisabeth Schellekens:And for men it is the sun comes up, they get up, literally, sun goes down, they go to sleep, to sleep, that is, that's their hormone levels.
Elisabeth Schellekens:So for us it's, like you know, roughly 28 days for women, but for men it's just so different, and I'm I'm not saying there are not changes for men when they have children, but you know, if you look at the statistics and and the numbers for for, like, I think, 100 years, you see that when men get married and have kids they live longer, they're more attractive to employers, they get a whole bunch of benefits, and I'm not saying that I don't wish for men to have those, because you know it's great. I just wish women would have something similar to that, and, yeah, I just think that also. You know it's great, I just wish women have something similar to that and, yeah, I just think that also. You know.
Elisabeth Schellekens:So, mental health and postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety isn't just like a singular conversation. It's not just one topic. It's. It's an ecosystem that there's so many variables in there, um, that it's just not talked about enough and, yeah, nothing is being well, nothing is being done like. That's not true either. I'm trying to do something, and I'm sure there's other people as well, but yeah, it's.
Jenny Benitez:It's something we definitely need to be more aware of as a society yeah, and and I and I'm with you on this like men do go through some changes, like they do, I don't want and and I've actually said this before like I'm a man lover, not a man basher, so I like feminism aside, like I, just because I'm a feminist, doesn't mean that I don't love my husband.
Jenny Benitez:Like he's in there and he works very hard. So yeah, it's definitely um, but it's just definitely that that physical change that we go through, that's different. And also, like what you just said too, this isn't discussed and so like that's where you have these really horrifying cases where women lose their lives or their child loses their life because the mother, like went through this terrible time and the support system just isn't there. I remember when I went home with my son and you know they released me from the hospital I was like that's it, like that's it and I just go back to living my life. But now I have this little tiny person like you're not going to give me any guidance, like I have nothing, I have no way to know.
Jenny Benitez:I didn't even realize that I was doing his formula wrong in the beginning. It took me like a week to figure out that I was not preparing his formula property. I was like, you know, it's it's these little things that you eventually learn and people laugh it off. It's like, oh, it's like part of being a new mom and it's like, but why?
Elisabeth Schellekens:though.
Jenny Benitez:Like should it be, like should it be? And you know that's where, like I have even said, you know, now that I'm older and I and I plan to do this, you know as much as my kids will let me once they have kids but, um, it takes a village and I think that's why we're we lose, we lose, we've lost something along the way with, like, everyone being so separated and like physically distance wise, you know, and you know they're not being like a united community helping young mothers like to navigate what, what's happening with themselves and their children and how to really handle things, and that's not that support isn't there for everybody. Some people are really fortunate with it. But even with that support, postpartum depression still happens and there is a lot of judgment and stigma around it.
Jenny Benitez:Because I remember, before I had kids, a friend of mine had said to me she had, she was the first of us to have kids and she told me she was like, yeah, I had to go on medication. I was like what are you talking about? And she was like, well, she was like I'm just getting really resentful and like you know, when she's crying and all that, and she's telling me all these feelings that she had. She was describing postpartum depression, but at the time I had no idea what she was talking about and all I could think in my head was what are you talking about?
Jenny Benitez:You've always wanted. I know in my head I was like oh, you're just being dramatic, you're full of crap, like you know, you've always wanted a baby. You're just looking for more attention. Now that you had the kid, and after I had my son, I was like, oh my God if I was still friends with that girl. I would have called her and been like oh my God, I'm so sorry. Yeah, like there's this whole stigma around like, oh well you, I wanted kids my whole life.
Jenny Benitez:And then after I had my three and I saw like how tough it was.
Elisabeth Schellekens:I was like, oh, oh, my yeah, yeah, oh, my God, it doesn't mean you don't love your kids to death. You know it's, it is. This is really difficult and that's okay, but like both of those things can exist in the same, in the same place and time and that is often forgotten, um, and also, you know, you, you, there's more talk about it. So like, oh yeah, she has postpartum depression, and then people understand what, but like knowing and feeling, and experiencing it is very, very different.
Elisabeth Schellekens:So, like you know, I, I also get moms who, in my practice, that, um, I've been seeing a psychologist or even maybe prescribed medication, and I did, did, did help, you know like I, I seeing a psychologist or even maybe prescribed medication, and that did did help, you know, like I, I, I was, I am also on medication, uh, and that helped me tremendously, but it was just one component of me getting better. But these moms that are coming to me are saying, yeah, look, I was prescribed to go to a psychologist and either it was a man or it was a woman who herself had not yet or not, was not a mom. And I do believe that with you know, certain education, you can treat anything. But I really do believe as well that with this topic of postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, if you seek help, um, you are more likely to accept help from someone who's also a mom.
Jenny Benitez:Yes, well, because there's that and it it's different, it's different.
Jenny Benitez:Yeah, I, I don't, there's no way to articulate it, it's just unless you're going through it, yeah it just is um, yeah, when I, when I was going through, when I was going through it after the twins, and I had a very lightly in comparison to a lot of the stories that I've heard Um, I, I remember having this moment of like because I was felt like I was going down the hill into like a pit of despair, basically, and then I had the moment of no this this isn't you, this isn't you and I started to recognize that it was an imbalance.
Jenny Benitez:And then I started to because, again, like I need to do all the things I was doing research on like, oh, what supplements can I take?
Elisabeth Schellekens:what? How can I?
Jenny Benitez:like make this better for myself, like I don't have time to stop. So let me just continue to move forward and just maybe I can take some vitamins and be fine. Um yeah, I don't have time to stop, so let me just continue to move forward and just yeah, I can take some vitamins and be fine. Um yeah, not, I don't recommend any of these things to anybody, because it was just the worst it was.
Jenny Benitez:it was and you know it's sad because that part of my life where I put blinders on and was like, oh, I just need to get through this. Well, I lost those years with my kids.
Elisabeth Schellekens:Yeah, you lost, yeah, you lost them and you're never getting them back.
Jenny Benitez:I'm never getting them back and that brings guilt.
Elisabeth Schellekens:It brings guilt and it brings shame for a lot of women and it is shitty. It is. It's for me as well. I barely remember those first six months. I, um, like I remember things, but I, for instance, I remember that I forgot what it felt like to be happy. Yeah, I just, I couldn't for the life of me remember it and I just kept going and you know, one step in front of the other, and it was such a weird thing because I knew that something was wrong.
Elisabeth Schellekens:But I sometimes I don't know if I'm making a fair comparison, but sometimes I say it's like being an alcoholic An alcoholic is not going to get better for for his partner, for his mom, for for anyone except for him or herself. And I think that's the same with postpartum depression or maybe any depression. Um, you have to want to get better first before anything else can be done. And as long as we perpetuate a society that shames women, shames moms, pushes unrealistic expectations on moms, and just it's a society generally not talking about mental health, nothing's going to change, and I'm pretty sure we all want want it to change.
Jenny Benitez:Yeah, there's definitely more, there's a lot. So there's like the good and bad of social media. Yeah, the bad, the bad of it. And I'll even say this for when, like I, when I was, when my kids were little, I remember like seeing all these like shiny, beautiful images of mothers with their babies and this and that, and I was always like oh my god, with your kids. Yeah, I'm like oh look, I'm like enjoying their children and I'm over here like miserable, like feeling like I'm just trying to survive.
Jenny Benitez:Yeah, so that's like the good and the bad that's. The bad part to me is that there's these perfected pictures put out there, and I think that that's really part of the bigger issue with like women in general and mothers in general, because you see this perfection and you're like, why don't I have that? And then you start judging yourself.
Elisabeth Schellekens:And that is not real.
Jenny Benitez:Yeah, that's not real, it's not realistic. But on the flip side of it, there's a lot of resources out there that, like are people out there that are starting to have the conversation and you yourself. So for Elle's Corner, elizabeth, let's tell the listeners a little bit more about, like, what you're doing to affect change and like I know you have women that you meet with, but what else are you doing?
Elisabeth Schellekens:yeah, um, so definitely, but I what you just said. One more thing before I start rambling off again like I wrote this blog a while ago that's sort of it's called something like, uh, how to have a healthy social media diet, and what you said there's definitely so many resources, so many real moms out there, right, that do show them crying and saying, oh, we can't take it anymore, and and stuff like that. And I, you know small steps that we can make. Take now. We don't all have to be social warriors, because that's also not for everyone, but as long as we start following the people and listening to the people that we believe in and that make us a little bit of a better place, like your podcast you know that's exactly what you're doing that then we're using social media for the right way. Yep, okay, on to else corner. Um, yeah, so basically, after my, after I got better, I shifted the focus of my private practice into um, helping moms and specifically helping moms in their postpartum journey. We do this. My husband actually also joined the company a while ago, which is very nice because we're doing it together now. We offer counseling, coaching sessions, but really our core is on our online courses.
Elisabeth Schellekens:I am a very meticulous journaler. So even when I was going through my depression, my pregnancy, I wrote a lot of things down. I wrote things where I felt lonely, what I felt that I needed, what I was not getting. So I took all of that information, combined it with my obviously my professional experience the moms I actually have been treating already and just more and more literature and more like information. I studied again, I took courses and I bundled them all together into this big piece of yeah, like my I don't know what you call it my main log or something. And what became clear in that is that I had a story to tell and I wanted that my story would help other moms. So I divided all of the information up into like categories. I started sifting through everything.
Elisabeth Schellekens:Long story short, we are ended with three different courses. One is a pregnancy course. So say, you have no idea what to expect mentally after birth, you have maybe a little bit of a history of depression or anxiety pre-kits and you're worried how that's going to transfer into your postpartum or your pregnancy. That is the course for you. It's just filled with information on what is the baby blues, what's postpartum depression, what's postpartum anxiety, what are things that I can already do now. It's chock full of exercises that can actually help lay the foundation to make sure, if you do get it postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety there are fallbacks in place, many fallbacks, and also you've educated yourself further.
Elisabeth Schellekens:Then my second course is called sos postpartum. As the name indicates, it's very much an sos course. It's a very nice also, again, short lessons five module course that really heavily focuses on trauma psychology and positive psychology, because combining those two separately they're already great psychology principles, but together combining the two really helps when you're in the thick of it. So I wrote that course specifically for moms at 3 am who are googling. Will it get better? Will I ever sleep? How? How long is this gonna take? Like, am I gonna feel this way forever? You know, like those moms that immediately want to start, and, like you know, micro learning lessons very small, you just read them on your phone. They're written out, some of them are audio, so you don't have to wake up your baby either, like you know, to watch a video, which is very common nowadays. No, it's very. Again, it's also chock full of exercises that just give you this really big toolkit that you can use to fight your postpartum depression and anxiety.
Elisabeth Schellekens:And then my last course is called Confident Motherhood. So we have a pregnancy course, we have a postpartum course and then the confident motherhood, which is for moms in all stages. Usually the moms that I get have kids in zero months to four years, so a bit pre-K and this one is really all about building the confidence as a mom. So a lot of moms that I meet in my private practice they come to me and they say Elizabeth, I wanted kids so bad. I wanted kids, I wanted to be happy. This was supposed to be fun. I am not having fun, I am not enjoying this role. So it's really about reclaiming the joy in your motherhood journey. And, yeah, again, through a lot of exercises, joy in your motherhood journey. And yeah, again, through a lot of exercises, education, positive psychology, uh, mindfulness, a lot, uh, just really proven, proven techniques, um, that will help you create long-lasting habits that will actually make you enjoy motherhood like you anticipated and once wanted it to be. So that's in short. I'm sorry that was long and very passionate.
Jenny Benitez:That was perfect and I and listeners listen we're gonna link everything in the episode description and bonus. Um l's corner and elizabeth are going to be featured on the resources section of um the still roses women website so you can access it anytime um well, it's such an important resource, like as you were talking.
Jenny Benitez:I don't know if you saw my reaction when you said, oh, at 3 am, and I'm like, oh my god, do you? I can't even tell you the amount of reading and research I was doing at three o'clock in the morning most nights.
Jenny Benitez:Okay, right, yeah, yes, and that's the part. What do you believe? What do you believe? And that's the other thing that I want to highlight here too, because misinformation is a big concern of mine and I work in marketing and communication, so I dissect messaging quite a bit, like when I see stuff, my husband will show me things and I'm like wait, hold on, can you go back? I want to see this part and I was like show me the text and show me this, because not everything can really be taken as truth, like you have to remember.
Jenny Benitez:I don't know if you remember this commercial. I can't remember what it was for, but this young girl was like it was in the States. So you probably this one you might not have seen, but this young woman was outside and she's telling somebody, like her friend, like, oh, yeah, like I believe everything I read on the internet. And he was like, well, no, like not everything on the internet is true. And then she goes yeah, you can believe everything. And then this guy walks up like real bummy, looking, and and she's like, see, look, this is my, um, my date, jacques. I met him online. He's French and he does not look French, he just looks terrible and like, and the, and the friend looks at the guy and goes, oh, hello. And the guy goes, oh, uh, bonjour. And like, just kind of, like you can tell. And she's like, yeah, cause I met him online and he's, and it's online, so it has to be true.
Jenny Benitez:I wrote, I actually wrote a post, a social post, the other day and I was highlighting I don't know if you heard this and I just want to use this really quick to say like this is how you know, like things are really not as they seem online In 1990, this is like back in 1993, way back in the 1900s, as my kids like to say. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They were like, wow, you're bored in the 1900s and I was like, holy hell, I guess so. Um. So in 1993, before social media, before everything was really big and and people were online a lot, before all that happened, um, this woman wanted to test out how misinformation, how quickly it spreads, and she wrote in an article that people swallow at least 10 spiders in their lifetime while they're sleeping.
Jenny Benitez:Yeah, still going around, guys, still going around. I believed it until I was about. Um, me too. 30, 38 like or something like or whatever it was. Or was it recently? Like I, I believed it for forever and I had heard it from, like my dad and like you know there's things like that snowball.
Jenny Benitez:And then the other day, the reason why I wrote a social post about it is because I was driving my car. My kids are in the backseat, they're chatting with amongst themselves and one of them goes yeah, you swallow spiders at night.
Elisabeth Schellekens:And then they started talking about it and I was like Wait a minute.
Jenny Benitez:And I turned the volume down. I was like Hold on, let mommy tell you something, and I like went into this whole spiel and they were like, anyway, went into this whole spiel and they were like anyway, so you don't remember it, though the message will probably receive you.
Jenny Benitez:Oh, I think I think so. I hope so. Um, but the point is is that, like you know there, you can say anything online. You don't have to reference it, like you don't. You don't have to like fact check things, like you can say anything. So the reason why why else corner is so important and it's such a big deal is because this is legitimate information from a professional who has experienced personally but also understands the psychology behind it and what really is needed to get yourself through that time. You don't want to look back on your child's early, know early years and be like I missed all this and I wasn't I wasn't enjoying it.
Jenny Benitez:I didn't enjoy it when they were little like.
Elisabeth Schellekens:So I was miserable.
Elisabeth Schellekens:You made that a point, because that is something I do really pride myself on, because, um, ever since I was in university you know, during my master's degree I have always been super obsessed with making sure to use right resources, the right sources. So everything that we have a I I I really make sure that it's the information is coming from peer-reviewed articles in respectable journals. Actual scientists have researched this and there are conclusions on it, and it's not just one little article somewhere, it's real research, real science, because I believe that that is the way to treat yourself with respect and also your kids and, um, not I mean a lot of you know, old wives tales do turn out to be true, but that has been researched and that has been approved. I mean that is okay. So I'm not saying I'm like super new age or anything, but like, yeah, it is very important to especially it's this very vulnerable group right that they don't have to think about if the source that they're reading something from or learning something from is reliable, because that's it should be. That's so important.
Jenny Benitez:Yeah, yeah, and I know that, like because of my background, I look for that Like. So, even like, if you see my social posts, like if you look at the bottom, like you'll see references because I don't, I don't mess around, I'm like. You know if I'm going to put a statistic out there, like, yeah, let's make sure this is legitimate.
Elisabeth Schellekens:Yeah, like, yeah. And in my blog post, where I do that, I also put, like, my, my references to look it up. If they want to like, no, like they want to read the actual article, I'll just send me an email. I'll send it right to you. You know what?
Jenny Benitez:It's like you know jumping on and it's you know this is something that does need to be handled with care. This is your life, this is your child's life. Like this is not something that you really want to mess around with. And like, as I said, like I got through it and I survived it at my own personal cost and also the cost of my kids. Like they don't have you know, they don't remember it exactly, but and they'll always remember me always being around because I was always there and I made sure I was always there. But again, like my God, I could have done things so much easier for myself. I didn't have to do it that way.
Jenny Benitez:Um, so, for moms today, new moms today, elizabeth, um, what do you think that they should be doing? I mean, obviously, I want to point everyone to your website and your resources and your online learnings. Like I think this is important. I wish that I had known and even had the forethought, because before I had kids, all I heard about having kids was it's a beautiful experience. I loved it. Like from my mom, I loved it. It was a beautiful experience. It's very rewarding. Yeah, that's it. That's all I got.
Elisabeth Schellekens:The hard part was just like swept under the rug a little bit. I think, like what I want to tell moms, or moms to be, or women who want kids that loving your kid immensely, this is this incredibly powerful thing and beautiful, but it does not mean that you cannot be struggling. So those things can exist at the same time and give yourself some grace in that it's okay. Accept it for yourself. There is, there is help there. We can do something about it. And, yeah, don't beat yourself up, because you know we.
Elisabeth Schellekens:What's that saying again that you, um, don't borrow trouble from tomorrow or something like scary things will always happen, but like we choose, if we're worried about it, like you know, obviously take that with a grain of salt, but don't beat yourself up too much. Like I hear you say like, yeah, I, I miss that part of my life and I also said it like I miss the first six months of my. A grain of salt, but don't beat yourself up too much. Like I hear you say like, yeah, I missed that part of my life and I also said that like I missed the first six months of my daughter's life. But I know now I got better and I know that there are resources and I know that I'm an amazing mom now and I was in the way that I could be back then. But those two things can exist at the same time and that's okay.
Jenny Benitez:Yeah, you know what? That's actually a really excellent point. You can love your child unconditionally, but also be unhappy, or you can be sad about it? Yeah, it can happen.
Jenny Benitez:Even like I actually am teaching my kids the distinction between like I love you, but I don't like what you're doing right now. Yeah, and I started to talk about it like that because I'm like, you don't have to like what someone's doing all the time, and this is, you know, like, but you, I will love you forever. Like, just because I'm yelling at you or just because I'm, you know, mad at you in this moment, doesn't mean I think you're a bad kid. It just means I don't like this particular action that you took.
Elisabeth Schellekens:Let's like correct this kind of thing, but that's perfect because that's so good to give to kids but turn it inward too.
Jenny Benitez:It's like you might not like yourself right now, but you will. You love yourself and you look at, look at what your body has created and look at everything that you know has come around, and it is a blessing and it's it's just, it's tough I a lot of uh like first response.
Elisabeth Schellekens:If a mom's really in the thick of it and like really really down, one of the first uh tools I go to as a, as a counselor, is that I I want her to tell herself, speak to herself. In a way she would speak to a friend, a very close friend, in the same situation and immediately you hear the language shift around and change and in kindness. So please just be so kind to yourself. Whenever you're feeling down and you feel that you're beating yourself up, do that. Talk to yourself like you're talking to your best friend.
Jenny Benitez:Sometimes when I'm having a moment like last night, yesterday I was having a moment.
Jenny Benitez:It was a Monday. It was to quote one of my colleagues it was the Mondayest of Mondays. It was the to quote one of my colleagues it was the mondayest of mondays. And, um, I'm in, as we record this, we're. We're in august and this is the month where my um day camp is done and I have a gap before school starts and thus my kids are home with me whilst I work and do everything that I do. And yesterday I got to like the end of the day and I'm washing the dishes, and I was like Jenny, just don't burst into tears right now, and and and it's fun. And the reason I'm laughing is because I talked to myself out loud and I'm like it's okay, Jenny, you just got to wash these plates.
Elisabeth Schellekens:And then it's all right, you're going to roll back.
Jenny Benitez:It's totally fine and you know it's this, this conversation. Honestly, the podcast gives me a lot of. It helps me in the moments of like that because, elizabeth, to be perfectly honest, when I go through those moments in my head, I'm like all right, jenny, you got to talk to the listeners about this. Like, make sure we talk about this. Like, because this is like, this is the reality of it Postpartum depression that's not going anywhere, like that's a reality we all have to face. Let's educate ourselves on it. Let's make, make our daughters more aware of it. If you went through it, like biologically, I think your, your child might go through it. I think that there's a through line there.
Jenny Benitez:Okay, um, you know, if you already know that this is happening, this is something that I talked to myself about with um. I have endometriosis and I know my daughters will get it. It's hereditary, it's going to happen. And at first I was like devastated by this and I'm like, oh my God, my girls are going to have to go through all this pain that I go through. But on the flip of it, I've also I've changed the, I've changed the narrative to say you know what, jenny, actually you already know about this.
Elisabeth Schellekens:You're going through it.
Jenny Benitez:I can educate them and I can prevent them from having to go through it as badly as I went through it.
Elisabeth Schellekens:Same thing with postpartum depression You're going.
Jenny Benitez:If you're hearing this and you're going through it right now, seek support. Check out Elle's Corner. If you can't get to a computer, if you don't have that and you're only listening on your phone and you can't get there. There's resources You'll be able to click links in the description here. But I mean there's get, get some help. Get yourself to a doctor. Like it's. It's. It's really crucial that you do get the support. Medication is fine. Don't be ashamed I think we're all we're all on medication these days. Like, don't be ashamed to get some help. If it helps, go for it. Go for it. You know, go for something Like I was on anti-anxiety and antidepressants for like three years in my twenties.
Elisabeth Schellekens:Like it's just get help, it helps you be better for yourself, like don't do it for anyone else, do it for yourself. Like I'm also on medication, I'm also on antidepressants and they saved my life.
Jenny Benitez:Yeah here, save my life. I wouldn't be here today without it, and I think there's a lot of people in the same boat. There's no shame in raising your hand and saying I need a little extra help here. So, um, we're here for you. Elizabeth is clearly here for you.
Jenny Benitez:I'm going to continue doing this podcast forever, just because I want to make sure that everybody hears these stories and is like that's me, or that was me, or that's my friend and let me help them out. Like let's, let's do this, you know, like let's be there to support each other. That's the whole purpose that we're here for let's be each other's village.
Elisabeth Schellekens:You know, that's, that's, that's all there is like yeah, definitely also the same for me. Shoot me a DM, shoot me a message. There are many ways of contacting me through email. You can always schedule like a free 15 minute session with me where you can just talk to me.
Jenny Benitez:Yeah, whatever you need Take it and at the top of the description in this podcast episode and all the podcast episodes, there's a link that says I think it says text, or reach out or something to that effect. It's literally a text message service that gets sent directly to me. So if you're confused and trying to reach Elle and you click it and you're not really sure where to go, just put it in there. I'll connect you to Elizabeth through Elle's Corner. We'll get you there, you're not alone going through this.
Elisabeth Schellekens:You're not the only one who's gone through it.
Jenny Benitez:You're not alone. We're here. Elizabeth, thank you so much for coming on today You're welcome and for everything that you're doing.
Elisabeth Schellekens:I loved it. I'm so passionate about this topic. I love talking about it, especially to people like you, jenny, who are also super sympathetic and empathetic to the cause.
Jenny Benitez:I say the cause.
Elisabeth Schellekens:I'm all in. You helped make the world a better place. Oh, my God, thank you, thank you Tell yourself that next time you're doing the dishes with tears, okay.
Jenny Benitez:The next time I'm crying in the dishes. It's all part of it. It's part of the process. Well, listeners, thank you so much for listening today. Um, share this episode with somebody who you think might need to hear it. Um, and all the links will be in the description. Um, for everything that we talked about and for ways that you can reach out to Elizabeth and get to Elle's Corner. Um, thank you all for listening. Bye-bye, and we'll see you on the next one.
