Ep. 46: Reclaiming Your Power in Motherhood

In this episode of Chakras and Chardonnay, Maria Mayes welcomes Alena Turley, a passionate advocate for holistic living and founder of the Soul Mama Hub. Alena has been empowering mothers since 2009, offering a nurturing and supportive platform that helps women on their journey to self-discovery, self-care, and mindful living. Through her blog, workshops, and online community, Alena shares insights on how mothers can embrace their authentic selves and create a life infused with love and intention.

During the conversation, Alena and Maria discuss the importance of prioritizing self-care and incorporating holistic practices into daily life. Alena shares her experiences working with mothers in Australia, England, and America, and the transformative impact that mindfulness, intentional living, and self-nurturing can have on both individuals and their families.

Featured on this Episode: 

Lowe Zinfandel

To get in touch with Alena:  https://www.alenaturley.com/lovely-links

Learn more about Maria and her work at Take5.Health and subscribe to receive tips and free Guided Meditations each Wednesday. Connect with Maria on social:
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Transcript

Maria Mayes: [00:00:00] Well, welcome back Chakras and Chardonnay listeners. I'm so excited to be back with you again and grateful today to bring you another amazing guest. And so today I have with me, Alena Turley, who's a passionate advocate for holistic living and the founder of Soul Mama Hub, a transformative platform dedicated to supporting mothers on their journey to self discovery.

And she's been doing this since 2009. So her warm nurturing approach allows her to empower women to embrace their authentic selves, prioritize self care, which we are all about here in Chakras and Chardonnay, and cultivate mindful practices that nourish the mind, body, and soul. So I'm so grateful to have her with us today.

She's got a blog, workshops, an online community that's coming up. Growing and has been a trusted source of inspiration for mothers from Australia, England, and America who are seeking to create a life infused with love, intention, and holistic [00:01:00] wellbeing. So grateful to have you here, Alena, and she's Zooming in from Australia.

So we are in different parts of the world, but through the beauty of technology can connect here. So, so grateful to have you. 

Alena Turley: Thanks, Maria. It's really lovely to be here. And yeah, it's 6am. I'm looking at a very beautiful vista of gorgeous gum trees and a little bit of a sunrise. And I've gotten up out of the bed and left the kids sleeping and hoping they stay asleep so I can talk to you for a good little bit.

Maria Mayes: Beautiful. Beautiful. Well, did I leave anything out that's important for the audience to know in terms of your background and the type of work that you do? 

Alena Turley: Sure. Look, that was really interesting hearing that. That was, I'm going to be really honest. That was my AI bio. I had that written, written based on the bio that I'd written for myself and it does have some interesting vibes to it.

I quite like it. Um, I guess what there is to know is that I'm a mother of three. Um, I live in Sydney's Northern beaches. I've had a life. [00:02:00] Filled with adversity and recovery. And there's a lot, a lot of stories I can share about that, but essentially these days, I'm also a podcaster, so I really enjoy talking in this format and sharing in this format and my work is evolving all the time, you know, at the moment.

I'm really focused on how to serve women as they emerge through motherhood, because I feel like we forget our power. And we sometimes need a little help kick starting and becoming re empowered. I don't talk about empowerment. I talk about re empowerment. And the reason this is such a passion of mine is that that's what happened to me.

And since becoming a mother, all kinds of remarkable things have occurred when I decided it would make me more than break me. That was really the moment that changed everything for me and I've got a very blended family. I've also had, I've got a black belt last year. I'm in my early fifties menopausal.

So there's a [00:03:00] whole lot of stuff going on and I tend to serve women kind of like me who are looking for that reignition of the spark. You know, 

Maria Mayes: I love that reignite the spark. And just the, I got. And full body chills when you said, make me rather than break me because 

Alena Turley: that's something I've just realized 

Maria Mayes: that there, there is that nothing brings you to your knees more than becoming a mother.

Really? I mean, there's a lot of things that other things that bring you to your knees, but in a similar fashion, I would say, but in terms of just in my journey, I know that the pivot of just having responsibility. For other being and not being fully prepared at the time to really understand what that meant.

Right. And how that would then. As you say, you know, it kind of, you can feel it take some of your power and lose your [00:04:00] identity to some extent of the woman that you were prior to. Right. But then to be able to look at how do I re empower myself because of the growth, just in the fact that you're growing a physical being in your body.

And then you're, you're carrying that through their, um, childhood to adolescence. I've got two teenagers now, so the journey is constantly changing. Um, but yeah, that is, That's, that's so beautiful. So I, I'd love for you to expand a little bit on, on any aspect of that, because I think it's a conversation that we don't really have that much.

I'm just thinking all the conversations that I've had on this podcast so far, you know, I've got male and female listeners and some parents, some not, but that, that transition, that journey that we go through in becoming, um, a parent, right. And specifically mother and. And whether or not you, that, [00:05:00] that child came through your vessel or it was another vessel that it came through, but becoming that, that center of nurturing.

And of safety for lack thereof, for that being, it's such a huge responsibility. And with that, I think a lot of, there's a lot of loss within that process of the former self. Right. So, 

Alena Turley: yeah, you've got to surrender. That's right. There has to be an element of surrender and, and we give so much of ourselves over.

There's a fantastic word for this process, which you may or may not have heard, which is matricence. So matricence is a word that encapsulates. this transition. So there's so many elements to the transition. It's a psycho spiritual transition and that would occur whether you physically had your baby or somebody else did.

But then there is actually physiological and hormonal and all of the actual physical changes that can happen if you're birthing. So, If you [00:06:00] look at that, as with so many things to do with women's health and women's psycho spiritual health, there is very little research, but the science does tell us that this change that occurs on every level of your body and your being, and physically as well in the world, how you're seen in terms of identity, is paramount.

Actually greater than not just paramount to, but greater than adolescence. So the amount of your brain that changes, you actually, your brain actually restructures itself when you become pregnant and when you birth. And it does that in a way by Eliminating. You've heard of baby brain? Baby brain is the brain that happens after your body decides which things it needs to hold on to and which things it needs to jettison for good.

And it does that so that you can prioritize your baby and your intuition. So the reason that we need our intuition is just in [00:07:00] that primal survival element of we need to be more aware of the safety of our baby. And so we move into instinct. And we can't do that if we're overthinking, if we're rational, right?

So sorry, dads, but this is for the moms. But, uh, dads will notice it and dads will feel the effects of it for sure. And dads have a mirrored effect. They do something similar, but not the same unless. They can birth too, you know, so physiologically, I think often we talk about parents because we want to be fair, but physiologically women go through different things.

So it's important to, I think, honor that process. And then often what follows is a period of re identifying who you are, a very big identity shift, but also a massive amount of depletion. And if you create a small human, you know, a symbiotic creature in your womb for anything between seven and nine months, then [00:08:00] this actually goes for baby loss as well.

And I'm sorry if that's your experience, but even if you've lost a baby, you've still experienced this incredible symbiotic relationship. And that means that your body is depleted and often really low in various minerals and minerals. We have an incredible doctor who works specifically in this area of postnatal depletion in Australia.

His name is Dr. Oskar Saralac, but the thing about this is that the postnatal depletion doesn't only happen for four weeks or one year or two years, it can happen for 10 years or more. So if you never recover, if you never actually are able to recover, because that's the truth for a lot of people, you're operating in a very different paradigm.

Physiologically, psychosocially, socially, spiritually, on every level. So we, I think we have so little compassion. You know, we talk a lot about mothers. We talk a lot [00:09:00] about the challenges of parenting. We talk a lot about, especially in America, the period of leave is so short often. So there's very little forgiveness and compassion around that, you know, and I feel like that's just misinformation and misunderstanding.

So one of the missions I have is just to spread this information because I feel like. It really helps people to understand that, uh, we need help, you know, women need help. And also that there's no shame in needing that help. It's a, it's a medical, mental health, physiological, spiritual health perspective, but it's whole body, whole system change.

So, of course, You're going to feel challenged by that. And of course, those around you will feel challenged by that. So when it comes to drinking, there is a drinking culture for women. And I see why, I can understand why. When you think of all of this stuff that's going on, it's [00:10:00] actually kind of understandable that women might want a little break from that now and again.

You know, 

Maria Mayes: and you 

Alena Turley: don't want it to tip into something more negative, but, but I can see how the two go together, you know, a little bit of healthy numbing is probably okay. You know? 

Maria Mayes: Yeah. So many. So many things came up for me as you shared that and I'll just share, you know, one of the things, as you said, the 10 years of depletion, I was thinking after you mentioned that in my own journey, right?

So my kids are, um, my daughter just turned 15 and my son's 16 and a half. And in their early childhood, But from really pregnancy through, um, through their early childhood, I was in such a survival mode because of, um, other things that were going on in my life at the time, um, that [00:11:00] I don't know that looking back now I see this, okay, I was in this constant sympathetic state of survival.

Of course. Yes. Right. 

Alena Turley: Absolutely. 

Maria Mayes: Also, not really able to process some deep grief that occurred during that time, right? Some deep loss. And then knowing that the brain itself and the body was in this still depleted state more than likely, right? Yeah. And without having cultivated the skill. To have self compassion because that's something, you know, I learned much later in life and, and I agree that is, it's one of the biggest outcomes of my one on one work is developing that self compassion because I think it's the number one thing that's not taught anywhere in the world.

Right. That compassion for self. And so. 

Alena Turley: Yeah. 

Maria Mayes: And looking at how that might change the journey for someone, if they can leverage that compassion for self early on and not so late in the game and, and, [00:12:00] and I'm grateful for my journey because it took me to where I am today, right? In this very self compassionate place, but, um, I couldn't say the same even five years ago.

Alena Turley: Right. And self compassion can't happen without understanding, you know, so there's so much that we don't have time to learn about. We don't have systems or supports. You know, I think in the past there's that kind of idealized image of the grandmother who just says, be gentle on yourself, darling. You know, that kind of voice that we may not have.

I remember saying to my grandmother, I feel so old when I was about 40, and she just looked at me. She said, you're not old, darling. You know, we need that voice and we, we don't have it a lot. anymore. And we don't have those kind of village systems. We don't, we don't have networks that fill the gaps and give us the wisdom of the ages like we used to, which is, I think why we do podcasts and listen to [00:13:00] podcasts and why we, we seek online networks to a large degree and why I've built one as well, because I do think we need that.

And there is a big a big gap, you know, in that, in our Western lives and that self compassion piece. I mean, I'm, like I said, I'm a martial artist and I know that when you get a black belt or when you train in an ancient or traditional martial art, you have to learn a lot of levels of self awareness and you know, Buddhism's really good for, for explorations or reflections on compassion.

I think a lot of Eastern traditions, yoga, martial arts, Buddhism, any of those, even actually stoicism, believe it or not, will offer different perspectives on what to do when you're being too hard on yourself, you know. But I think the thing is, none of that can be sought out or taken in without awareness.

So a lot of the times we're, like you say, we're in survival mode, we're [00:14:00] operating without the luxury of that awareness or that pursuit of knowledge or understanding. So when you're in that space, It's a whole different situation, 

Maria Mayes: you know, right. And I think there's a, there's a hunger, um, within the, the collective on the planet right now to, even if we're not, maybe it's not obvious that it's self awareness and compassion that you're hungering.

Alena Turley: Yeah. 

Maria Mayes: So for example, someone that like I'll work with, they don't come to me and say, Oh, I want to be more self aware and self compassionate. Right. Those are just outcomes. Right. But there's a hunger. Yeah. There's a hunger there. I think that because all of the world and the devices and the media are designed to withdraw from ourselves.

Yes. To have that ability to come back to self through awareness. So I'd love to hear more about, um, the [00:15:00] community that you've built and how, how you work to Um, really help women embody this message, right? 

Alena Turley: Yeah. So it's funny. I'm always training and expanding my knowledge, but I do actually get guests into my community also to share what they do.

So I curate workshops and I also run workshops inside my program. And the program itself is called the Lion Life Roadmap. And the reason I call it that is that I, I do feel like we often, like I said before, we lose touch with our. courage to change and we feel we've almost lost that sense of that we can be bold enough to dream of bigger things, that we can be bold enough to dream of a life where we can be amazing mothers and show up as the best mom possible and also pursue our dreams for ourselves.

You know, that we've sort of been given this false story of, that they're mutually exclusive. You know, that you can only be an incredible [00:16:00] mother if you completely surrender and completely give up on your own dreams, at least for a time. And I guess part of my message is, I don't think that's true. In fact, I live a life that shows that it is not true.

Yes, there are periods, sure. You know, in early newborns, early motherhood, where we might want to bubble up and just get in there. But, but then, you know, yourself will come knocking back on the door and your spirit will come knocking back on the door. And that can be really frustrating. That life where you feel like you're not authentically yourself, like you're putting yourself in a box that's too small because you've got bigger dreams to make change in the world for your children and for the future.

And that can be a really hard push pull. paradigm, you know, and I feel for you, if you are in that space, I've, I've been in that space, it's really hard. And I guess I'm just here [00:17:00] to say it's doesn't need to be that hard. And so the program that I do runs through five stages. And it basically runs from awareness, it starts with awareness, and it ends with purposeful alignment.

So, yeah, and it becomes also, you know, there's a conscious parenting element. How can we parent through that lens? There's a conscious lifestyle element because I've been a conscious lifestyle blogger for 15 years and I'm really passionate about looking after the planet. So becoming better carers and custodians of our own health, our family's health and the health of the ecosystems around us.

I feel they're really connected. So. I talk about all those things and it's pretty wide ranging and it's a lot of fun and we're always coming up with new things to do. And I have a free online community as well, which you could find. If you find me, you'll find it. And then I have a paid community, like a VIP community and women in that community support each other.

And it's pretty small. It's growing all [00:18:00] the time. And yeah, it's a really great. It's a really amazing process and I work one on one as well with women. I'm actually learning a new modality at the moment. So I kind of work in a coach mentor therapist space in between all three. So it's really cool and it's very holistic and bespoke.

So it's a little bit different for everybody because there's just really no one size fits all when it comes to this kind of thing. 

Maria Mayes: Right. Well, we're all so unique within our own journeys, right? And I think that's really the, the message of this podcast too, is, is just keep exploring different options because there's going to be one that really resonates with you.

And, um, it just sounds like such, just as you describe it, I could sensory, uh, you know, I got the sense of just that, that safety and that compassion and that. that bravery and that boldness that you were talking about all embodied with [00:19:00] just in the how you described it. So it sounds like a really beautiful offering.

And so, and do you have folks from all over that are part of that? I do. 

Alena Turley: I actually do. It's mainly America, US, Australia. Okay. Um, but yeah, it's definitely open to all and it's English speaking, but I've really noticed that women when they come in to this space and they see it modeled this kind of women supporting women.

We boost each other up. We become more brave. You know, I just had a weekend away with five business buddies and we've over the last couple of years, we've gotten to know each other really well. And we just had like a little self organized retreat and we went into a beautiful luxury house in the city and we, um, talked about our businesses and we did some kind of group coaching sessions and planning for next year.

And, and then we went out to dinner at a really fancy restaurant and we, you know, had a beautiful glass of wine and [00:20:00] we celebrated. And I think that often things can get very serious, you know, and it was so beautiful to just have that reminder that we need both, like we need to do all of the hard work and the challenge and the let's get deep and work out what's at the root, what's stopping us.

But then we also need to go and have fun, you know, and I think that's a, that's why I was probably drawn to your podcast because it, it really elements of both are there. 

Maria Mayes: Yes, we 

Alena Turley: need to do that. And yes, we need to do that. You know, we did both. 

Maria Mayes: Yes, I love it. So tell me what, what wine did you order? Tell me a little bit about your palate and what's your favorite type of wine to mindfully enjoy?

Alena Turley: It's very much food matched. So I actually worked in the wine industry. In fact, when I was younger and for many years, I worked for the French champagne information center. So I do love a really beautiful sparkling wine. Australia now has an incredible sparkling wine culture and, and beautiful brands. One is called Grant Burge.

That's a really cool one, but there's [00:21:00] lots. And then, um, I also actually. I really choose according to what I'm eating. It changes all the time. If I had to pick, you know, one amazing wine that I've drunk in the last few years, it's probably a Zinfandel that was grown in an area that is usually not associated with wine in Australia called Mudgie, but it's a high altitude agricultural area about five hours from Sydney.

And there are beautiful wines coming out of Mudgie, M U D G E E. beautiful soil and this particular winery, which is called the Lowy Winery. I met the winemaker, his name's David Lowe, Lowe or Lowy. And he is a really passionate winemaker who went from conventional farming to organic farming. And he's so committed to the quality of his Zinfandel that he will let the grapes drop to the ground rather than have a bad batch, you know, and he's really passionate.

[00:22:00] And amazing winemaker. So he's a bit of a favorite of mine, but that was some time ago. Um, pretty hard to get pretty small batch, but you know, it depends where I am. Like summer day with a light Mediterranean meal. I'd probably go Pinot Grigio or something like that. A little bit full body, maybe Chardonnay, um, Australian Chardonnays are really beautiful.

But at my wedding, I need to tell you this story now. So when I got married, I was married in a, an area about two hours south of Sydney called Kangaroo Valley. Beautiful, beautiful part of the world, amazing local food and wine. So I had a friend who was really into wine and I said, can you please do my wine list, but make it as local as possible.

And so he matched all of the wines with our menu and he. beautiful wines that were as much as possible organic or at least chemical free and It was an amazing meal and one of the reasons it was so amazing [00:23:00] was that we were careful in our choices. You know, we chose carefully which wines we chose to go with which food and where it came from.

So I think that's a really good place to start. If you can look around where you are and go a little bit seasonal and go in. Talk to the winemakers and learn about where the stuff is grown. And it's such a great experience anyway, to do that. 

Maria Mayes: It will up level your entire, and, you know, we chatted a little bit before we hit record in terms of, um, the whole 80, 20 thought and just the, the journey of, uh, uh, sounds like very similar for both of us in terms of, you know, having, having been wine drinkers and then stepping away for a bit, and then maybe coming back.

With a new self awareness, with new mindfulness and with, um, really intentionality in our consumption. So, 

Alena Turley: and sometimes not as well. Like, so we were just talking about that, right? Yeah. Yeah. So it's really tricky. I think for me, I was never a big drinker. I was always a, an enjoyed wine, but I [00:24:00] maybe didn't have the means to drink great wine anyway, till I was a bit older, except when I was given it through my work.

And so, What happened for me was I had an addiction and that led me into the 12 step rooms. It wasn't an alcohol addiction, but when you go into a 12 step program, you do make a commitment not to drink and not to take any intoxicants at all. So for five years, and this was soon after I had my first child, I was recovering from a whole heap of trauma and adversity and domestic abuse.

And so I basically just decided. I needed to make a big change and went five years alcohol free and that was amazing. Like it was a really amazing time, but when I came back to drinking, I was a lot more conscious of it and conscious of being very moderate with it. And so over the years, I've been pretty careful.

And then, as I said, it's never been my favorite drug anyway, so I wasn't too worried. But recently just through a process of being stressed out, buying a house, working a lot more, being busy. I've come to the habit of drinking a glass of wine [00:25:00] every night. And it started to creep up, you know, it started to creep up to become two glasses of wine every night.

And I know when I was working on fertility, having my two children over 40, I barely drank it all. I had maybe a glass of wine every couple of weeks, you know, as a special treat. So I've been through these different periods where it's crept up and crept back down. And, you know, I'm at this stage now where I've realized, It's probably not that healthy to be in my 50s with young kids wanting to live to 100 for them and have two glasses of wine every night, you know, plus it's expensive and I'm not necessarily focusing on equality then.

And so I've just made a decision to Drink kombucha or alcohol free wine while I transition to much less alcohol and just really enjoy fine wines when I decide it's the right time. 

Maria Mayes: That's beautiful. All the, all the awareness of and compassion. [00:26:00] In that, I mean, it just, it shows, it's a testament to the work you do, right?

In terms of if we, if we can turn it on ourselves, right? And look at, okay, there's been these different parts of my journey, but this is where I'm at now and, and I'm transitioning. And I, I think it's beautiful. It's how I look at things to me. There's some weeks where it's like, I'm feeling a little inflamed.

There's not going to be any alcohol in my, in my week. Right. And then there's other weeks where it's like, you know what, we're going to go have a beautiful dinner and I'm going to have, you know, a glass and a half wine rather than one. Right. So it's, it's, I really think that it all boils down to. The opportunity we all have to truly empower or use, as you said, re empower ourselves by becoming aware and intentional about our actions, whether that's drinking a glass of wine, whether that's eating a tub of ice cream or that spending all day on social media, right?

Whatever. 

Alena Turley: Absolutely. I've just thought of what I'm going to, [00:27:00] I know you're going to ask me an interesting question in a moment and I've just realized exactly what it is I'm going to share with you. 

Maria Mayes: Oh, I love it. So. So do tell me, um, how do you, how do you keep it mindful? How do you keep your consumption mindful?

How do 

Alena Turley: I keep it mindful is, well, I just realized actually, as you were speaking, that say in the evening, and I'm looking forward to that glass of wine sometimes in the evening, you know, so maybe it's Friday night and it's time to sit down and have a nice glass of wine with dinner. If I had something happen that frustrated me or really, you know, Like I was really pissed off about, I will always make sure that I express that feeling and allow myself to feel that feeling fully before having the glass of wine.

So I want to make sure that I don't numb or suppress those big feelings. with substances. That's crucial for me with the history of addiction, right? So, so one of my big things is if I get pissed off about something, I don't rush to pour that wine [00:28:00] and guzzle it down. I wait and I wait for that feeling to be fully expressed and fully felt, or I wait for it to pass before having the glass of wine.

And I think that's really important, not only for me, but also for my kids to see, you know. 

Maria Mayes: Absolutely. The, the power that we have as parents to. Model our relationship with any substance. Yeah. Anything or any person for that matter. Yeah. Is a lot. Right. And we don't. Yeah. We don't necessarily always have that.

front of mind. So I love that. That's an amazing tip. And I'm very in alignment with my process of using the breath to step into awareness and then just asking myself, what is my intention behind this? Is it to know? Yeah. 

Alena Turley: Or getting really angry with somebody and saying, I'm really angry right down his way.

Maria Mayes: Right. Right. I love it. So that works 

Alena Turley: too. 

Maria Mayes: So [00:29:00] how can, Folks who are listening who this resonated with and want to know more about your community and your services. How can they find you? How can they get a hold of 

Alena Turley: you? Look, the best thing is to Google me. There's not that many of me in the world. And it's A L E N A, Alena, A L E N A, Turley, T U R L E Y.

But you can also find me on socials at SoulMamaHub. And that's S O U L M A M A H U B, SoulMamaHub. So that's a really good way to find me too on Instagram especially. 

Maria Mayes: Well, I'll put all those, uh, details in the show notes as well. Thank you. Encourage the listeners to reach out. 

Alena Turley: Yeah, please do. I love hearing from people about this stuff.

Please message me. 

Maria Mayes: It's been such a pleasure. Such a joy. Definitely a divine connection. You too. So thank you for your time. 

Alena Turley: Amazing. Thank you for having me.