A message for the new year…
I'm about to reveal a "secret" that's been a quiet cornerstone of my journey – a confession that feels like turning a page in our shared narrative.
As we stand at the threshold of a new year, I want to express my deepest gratitude to the soul tribe that has grown with me since the podcast's inception on March 30th, 2023.
The journey, which began as a personal exploration of my own grief, has evolved into something profound, a space of connection and authenticity that has touched lives in ways I could never have anticipated.
Now, as I stand at the intersection of past, present and future, I'm peeling back a layer of my identity to share a truth with you. This revelation is a stepping stone into a deeper exploration of the heart-centered work that has become the core of my existence, and to our connection.
I also offer an invitation of hope for the New Year and a beautiful poem by the incredible poet, Donna Ashworth, as we close out 2023.
Timestamps:
- 0:15 Introduction & Personal Journey in 2023
- 2:04 Evolution of the Grief and Light Podcast
- 2:47 Confession: Revealing the real name
- 7:20 Key takeaways from the Grief & Light Podcast Guests in 2023
- 10:47 Clarity and Alignment in 2023
- 12:09 Invitation of Hope for 2024
- 15:36 What's next for Grief & Light?
- 16:29 Closing and Poem by Donna Ashworth
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Nina Rodriguez: I have a Confession. And it may not seem like a big deal to you, but it feels like one to me. The Grief and Light podcast launched on March 30th, 2023. Unplanned, no big announcement, no roadmap. And that's not the fashion, by the way. I'll get to that in a second. This year I learned to dare anyway, to dare to do something from the heart, to create from the heart simply for the plot twist. What began as a personal exploration of my own grief has evolved. What began as a personal exploration of my own grief has evolved into a beautiful platform of service to others on this journey. For those of you who have listened to me from the beginning, my day ones, my soul tribe. Thank you. Thank you for listening to my message to returning to the next story, the next guest, the next update. Even as I work to figure out and fine tune the technical parts that echo the mike, the editing and all the technical things that podcasting entails. And by the way, you may have noticed a difference in the quality of the sound, which I hope to continue improving. Santa got me a fancy new microphone, so future episodes will sound much better. I hope this is heart centered work for me. Or should I say heart centered creation? It has been the most time consuming and important work that I've ever done, and I've worked with some renowned clients and people in my other jobs. But this podcast, the grief groups, the social media accounts for, I've connected with so many of you and the one on one sessions. These feel so level important exploring grief authentically, doing justice by your stories, providing a space of authentic expression in many forms, and honoring our people no longer with us in physical form. Honoring each of your journeys. This all feels like the most important work that I could ever do. At first, I was not focused on the audience at all. It truly started as an outlet for my grief, and then it doubled as a sort of Batman signal to connect with my soul tribe that I desperately needed back then. It then evolved into a resource and now a go to platform. For so many on this journey from all walks of life faiths, backgrounds, countries, experiences and beliefs, I feel honored that my guests have entrusted me to share their stories through the podcast and to everybody who has connected with me and with their own heart centered space through this podcast. Okay, now for the confession. My real name is not Nina. My real name is Nadjalisse. That's it? Yes, that's it. But it feels important to share with you, especially those of you with whom I've created personal connections through this podcast, Instagram account or otherwise. I didn't make up this new name. Nina is the nickname that I've responded to since I was in the sixth grade. That's the year my parents uprooted our lives from Puerto Rico and relocated us to Portland, Oregon. As my father dared greatly to and pursued a new career opportunity. I had just graduated from the fifth grade and entered the American Middle School system as a fresh sixth grader who did not speak English fluently. As I adjusted to a new culture, new weather, fashion, demographics, food environment, language, school curricula, etc., a new identity emerged. And that's not to sound strange. It really is just a simple evolution that a person undergoes when immersed in a new environment with the purpose of creating a new home. Not only did I look different from others, but I dressed differently. I spoke differently, and I probably acted differently to the status quo. But my name was and has always been unique to write and to pronounce. I now think my name is beautiful and I love its uniqueness. But as an 11 year old doing her best to fit in, my name became the loudest hurdle to overcome at the beginning of every single class where the teachers called each student by name. They did their best, but as usual, I would end up being Miss Rodriguez. Even as a pre-teen. One day, a fellow student assigned to sit next to me said, You're Nina, right? And at that moment, what mattered most was this authentic opportunity to connect with a new person who seemed friendly and welcoming. And although I hesitated, I then said, Yes, I'm Nina. And I've been Nina since. It turns out that there was another student whom I apparently resembled, and some people thought I was her. I actually never met her in person or ever, actually. But Nina became a doorway. The name Nina became a doorway to connect with others, and she has served that purpose since. I use modules to connect. I use modules with close friends, families, acquaintances on legal documents, of course. And make no mistake, I love my name. Especially now. Nadjalisse is comprised of two names. It's Nadja and Lisse. Nadja means HOPE. A name that carries humanity's greatest strength. I've been told that's of Russian and Scandinavian origin. Origin according to Google. Despite me having no other relationship to either place, at least that I know of. And my name, meaning hope, was part of what unlocked this new journey of exploring grief and life in its fullness. It's the force behind daring to create the grief in my podcast and what empowers me to speak boldly about grief in a society that shuns it at every opportunity it has. It's the glue that holds me when the heaviness gets to be just too much. And what helps me hold nuance. It helps me check my bias and focus on keeping the main thing. The main thing which is holding space, speaking authentically, and transforming the conversations and the public discourse around grief. So that's the big confession. Thank you all for supporting me as I show up even more fully with time. Now, does this mean that I'm changing my public name or that you have to call me an idealist even though you met me as Nina? No, not at all. I also love Nina. She allows me to create unapologetically and continues to be a portal for connection with others. And I love her just as much. So feel free to call me by whichever one you prefer. And for the sake of this account, and for the sake of remaining consistent, I will continue to refer to myself as Nina. She has served me and supported me since I was 11 years old. But I'm also aiming to be more congruent, which is the inside matching the outside reality. And part of that is sharing this confession with you today that helps me achieve congruency. So now that we've established an additional bit of closeness and in the spirit of Nadja, which, as I explained, means hope, I want to leave you with some hope as we close out the year and embrace what's in store for next. As I search for the words to say to you, it dawned on me that there were some beautiful takeaways from each of my guests this year. There were 11 guests in nine months, and here are my takeaways from each one. Joe, my father, spoke of the importance of not suffering in silence, especially as a man and as a father. It's okay to feel your emotions fully, to give yourself permission to grieve and to speak your truth fully. The loss of a child is a forever kind of pain, a forever kind of dance. And it's okay to feel every step fully the painful ones and even the ones that give you joy. Thomas Guerra spoke of the importance of meeting people where they're at. He works with overdose prevention, harm reduction and recovery efforts. He shows us that recovery is possible. And what it actually looks like and what is actually working in helping people. Dominique Rice taught us that many stillbirths are preventable through a simple test to measure the placenta. She fiercely advocates for better health care for mothers and birthing persons, particularly in underrepresented communities, and taught us about the power of grieving unapologetically. Amanda MaCoy Flanagan taught us how to be all in in life loss and recovery and love. She shares her powerful story in her book. Trust yourself to be all in Safe to love and Let Go. Melinda Tynan speaks on grieving. Melinda Chinen speaks on grieving meaningfully as an art, not a science. And when we do so, we also get to live meaningfully. She has developed the ability to beautifully hold space not only for the grieving after loss, but also for the dying and the living. Cesar, might your husband share what it's like to love a spouse who is grieving and the importance of allowing them to feel their grief fully without trying to change them? Understanding that there's nothing to fix. Only an increased commitment to loving your person fully through the ups and downs of life. Andrianna Moustakas is and is an example of how the outcomes and power of grief can be harnessed to help others feel less alone while transmuting our own grief. Brittany Merz created awareness about the dangers of exposure to illicit opiates, even with people you thought you could trust, and how this silent killer is only silent if we don't speak up. She shared her early grief with the world in her sister's honor. Danielle Catherine Baker showed us how to feel our own grief within our body, how to honor it and allow it to be as it is as a way to transmute it. She taught us how to reclaim grief in her book, Reclaiming Grief and the Importance of Creating Awareness Around Death by Suicide and the overall grief experience. Jonathan Niziol is a living example that sobriety and health after addiction, sexual abuse, loss and trauma are possible. And lastly, Dr. Kelly S Thompson showed us how loving well can be the way to inoculate ourselves or as close to it as we can get to inoculating ourselves against grief. In her memoir, Still I Cannot Save You, she shares her story of sisterhood, loss and love and what happens to our hearts after the loss of our person. A heartfelt thank you to each of my guests, who share their truth openly and authentically. If you have not yet listened to their stories, I encourage you to revisit those test episodes. They are so heartfelt and honest and full of wisdom. And as for me, my words for 2023 were clarity and alignment. I stopped trying to change everyone around me, including my husband, family, community and world. And I finally understood that the true change true change begins within. I've known this for years, but there's the difference between knowing with your mind and knowing with your full body, heart and soul. This year, I allowed myself to connect with the divine within and I asked it why it was here. How could I help it achieve what it needed through this lifetime that I'm living? How can I be of service to my soul, not my ego? My life began to experience profound shifts, aligned shifts. I changed careers. I began accepting people exactly as they are, even if I don't agree with them. I read more books. I reached out to others and I decided to embrace my curious nature. The Grief and Light podcast was born. I aim to explore fully. I aim to explore grief fully as it manifests in each person and in their reality. I'm not looking to correct or fix or otherwise change anyone I'm not looking to. I'm not looking to correct, fix or otherwise change anyone. I'm looking to explore documents and support. This to me is clarity and alignment. It all began through surrendering to the divine spirit within me and following its lead instead of my own ego driven desires which were not working. In other words, I allowed the outcome using power of grief to transmute me as I show up with myself in private and publicly to the world. Being of service to this community is an extension of that. Life is so beautiful. It's so painful, bittersweet, full of odd joy, lust, sorrow. It's all the things, everything all at once. And I'm learning to embrace all of it as it shows up. For the New Year. I want to leave you with an invitation of hope through the lens of grief. And although this might seem counterintuitive, I have found to be I have found grief to be the greatest teacher. I invite you to be gentler with yourself in the New Year, to explore your online self and tap into the Divine Sparks within to celebrate that you made it through the most difficult time in your life. And you're still here. Listening. Surviving. Living. Maybe even thriving. Thank you for being here. Really. Thank you for being you. I also invite you to ask what the divine within you wants out of this life. How can we tap into serenity in the tiny, everyday moments in the present? Exactly as it is. What have your unique life experiences of loss, grief, joy wins, discoveries and everything when combined through your unique life? What does your life want to express to the world? How can we create a kinder, more compassionate world knowing that the biggest changes start with the tiniest step forwards and generally by showing ourselves grace These questions don't require immediate answers, nor do you need to answer all of them. They're just tools to help you connect with yourself in a more powerful way and to awaken that part of you beneath the stress and the pain and the demands of the world. Beneath the limiting believes imposed by others society. Beneath the trauma. Underneath the layers of sediment and stone that has calcified around our spirit. It's an invitation to reconnect with that eternal part of you that knows why you came into the world and knows how to move forward. May the New Year be a sacred invitation. May the New Year be a sacred invitation to step into your full self as you are imperfectly and in your own timing. If this resonates with you but you don't know where to start, I can help. I created a 12 week one on one, or, as I like to call it, heart to heart program for the person who wants to move forward in their grief but can't seem to figure out the next step. You can go to my paycheck refund light dot com and go to the work with me tab for more information where you can schedule a complimentary no application where you can schedule a complimentary no obligation call to get started. And I'll also link it in the show notes for easy access. I mean it when I say that we're in this together. Grief has a way of sobering us to the realities of life. Grief is a great clarifier and this can feel dissonant with the life that we lived before loss. It can feel difficult to pivot, shift change when so much of our lives feels like it's set in stone. And we can't really change that much, can we? But I offer that change is our only constant, so we may as well get better at it. Grief is hard. Life is hard. They can also be beautiful and powerful and transformative. I invite you to lead a softer life that's in alignment with your purpose. To learn. To hold nuance and not look away. To grieve meaningfully, live meaningfully. And to love well. Before I say goodbye. For now, I want to give you a little preview about what's in store for Grief and Light, the podcast and the account. I'm looking forward to 2024 and I'm excited for what's in store planned unplanned. I really have more for amazing episodes featuring incredible guests with unique perspectives on grief, and these will come out in the next few weeks, so be sure to subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts so that you're notified and if you enjoy the content, I would really appreciate that you rate the podcast, which will help us reach larger audiences who resonate with our message. Join our monthly support group for the first Tuesday of the month. Or join my one on one heart to heart sessions. And if you would like to be featured on the podcast or have an idea for a collaboration, then let's talk. All my contact information is on my website and in the show notes. But lastly, I will leave you with this beautiful poem by the amazing Donna Ashworth, which I feel summarizes most of what I said. And I'll read it to you. It says, Why do we start a new year with promises to improve? Who began this tradition of never ending pressure? I say the end of the year should be filled with congratulation for all we survived. And I say the new year should start with promises to be kinder to ourselves, to understand better just how much we bear as humans on this exhausting treadmill of life. And if we are to promise more, let's pledge to rest before our bodies force us. Let's pledge to stop and drink in life as it happens. Let's pledge to strip away a layer of perfection to reveal the flawed and wondrous humanity we truly are inside. Why start another year gifted to us on this earth, which with demands on our already restrained humanity, when we could be learning to accept that we really that we were always supposed to be imperfect. When we could be learning to accept that we were always supposed to be imperfect. And this is where beauty lives, actually. And if we could only find that beauty, we would also find peace. I wish you peace in 2024. Everything else is just a part of it. Let it be so.