Ep. 6 Overcoming Trauma and finding yourself in the process Part 3.

 Trigger warning! Discussion includes sensitive topics such as physical, mental and sexual abuse, violence, drug addiction and suicide. In part three of this four part series, Tiberius explores strategies for gaining insight and new perspectives as it relates to past events and trauma. 

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Everything is so good as a community space to explore what it means to be spiritual while belonging to a greater community. With your host, Tiberius Rayu. Hello, I'm your host, Tiberius Rayu, and I'm glad you're here. I want to give a warning in this series we're working on, we will be touching on topics of addiction, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, violence, and suicide. If these topics make you feel uncomfortable, I strongly suggest you reach out to someone. So we've been covering the topic of overcoming trauma and finding yourself in the process. This is part three, and we're going to be touching on reframing experiences in this section. So, what's this mean to reframe experiences? For me, this is through a self-inventory process that can be done solo, or I suggest it it be done with someone who can kind of walk your hand, uh hold your hand and walk you through it, a guide, a mentor, a therapist, someone that can give you some hopefully unbiased input and help you to really assign things appropriately as far as what your experience is and what your part in those things may be, and what others other people, what their active participation in those events was, in just helping you to delineate and get a better understanding of or a different perspective of what took place. So in this section, we really want to focus on approaching our trauma from the adult ego state. In part two, we talked about Eric Burns transactional analysis and broke down how we how we can initiate different transactions depending on what ego state we are entering into those communications from. Now, when when we're trying to reframe our experiences and get a new perspective and kind of come out on the other side, seeing it a little bit differently than we have from the victim viewpoint or however we've been feeling in our trauma and in our pain. If we can approach this from the adult ego state, we're going to be focused in on that logical solution-based mindset. And that that is certainly going to benefit us and help us to move beyond our trauma a little bit with a little bit more ease. Um, as we discussed in the last episode, the parent ego state and the child ego state are they are both informed by our past, and they are very emotionally charged mentalities or ego states, really, really guided by our motions and our history, right? And the adult ego state is guided by logic and the now, you know, where we are today, what we can do today. We're also going to be talking about reassigning shame and guilt and ultimately taking responsibility. And I don't want you to balk at the thought or the idea of taking responsibility because hopefully uh when I present it to you in this way, uh it won't be what you might think I'm suggesting it is. So thinking in terms of remaining in this adult ego state, we need to remember that we we can often get really wrapped up into our survival response, which which tends to be rooted in that adapted or rebellious child ego state. So we're we're doing a very reactive response to our external inputs and and even our internal, you know, our memories of of trauma and thoughts about trauma. We are we are being very reactive to that from that child ego state. And as a result of that, we can continually exhibit the same behaviors, same thoughts, same feelings that we experienced during that traumatic event. We can get really anxious, frightened, or combative. Um, or as some would say, triggered. You know, when when anytime we're reminded of that trauma event, we become triggered, and and a lot of those emotions that we felt during that traumatic event come back up, come to the surface, and and we can feel like we're right there in that trauma. So using the help of what whatever whatever choice fits you the best, whether it's a a guide, a therapist, mentor, a trusted friend, whatever it may be, we can go in and revisit that event from a more logical mindset, right? Um, and and it's not gonna be easy, and the the first time, first few times you revisit traumatic events, it it's you're you're you're likely gonna be triggered. That that's just the nature of it, that's what we know. We we talked last episode also about kind of our programming and our conditioning, and we know what we know until we know something new. And so hopefully, as as you're taking in some new information and some new experiences, you're starting to know something different, and being able to take that into your process of going back through and and re-evaluating your life and and reassigning some of these interpretations or perspectives of of what took place and and where you are and who you are, hopefully as each day goes by and each new experience comes, you're gaining some new insights and some new experiences and some new information to lean on and and to use to inform you. So, talking about this self-inventory, there are many, many guided self-indo inventories available. You can do a simple Google search, you can go on Amazon, ThriftBooks, there's tons of resources. Um, you can do a Google search for free guided self-inventory, um, and and probably find some stuff free. You can use a 12-step guided uh or a 12-step inventory format, which can be found. You know, there's various different 12-step groups out there, and they they have various modified versions of the 12-step self-inventory. There's religious ones. There's the the bondage breaker by uh Neil T. Anderson, which is one that uh I went through in in somewhat early recovery. I went through a 12-step self-inventory process, and then I later went through a bondage breaker self-in-inventory process. And I've I've done a few others through through the years, and it's not something that for me I I felt was adequate to just do one self-inventory, you know, that one thorough self-inventory that I shared with with a guide or a mentor, and then called it good and said, Okay, I've done that, and you know, moving on with life and and looking forward, I've felt it necessary to do that multiple times throughout my life, and until the point where it it kind of became a almost not quite daily, but almost a daily ritual where I'm I'm doing an inventory, you know, when when something's bothering me now, I do a spot inventory, and you know, I really try to place things where they belong logically and process through that and and work through it kind of on the spot. And and like I said, not necessarily daily, but I would say once or twice a week, I do a pretty deep inventory where I look at things that have taken place in my life that week, and you know, where there was conflict, I I look at it from a logical viewpoint, and sometimes I'm still wrapped up in the emotional response to it. And in those instances, I have very close friends and colleagues that I can rely on to share that information with, and they can give me some input from their perspective, and and hopefully that's unbiased input, and that helps me to get out of the emotional response to it and into the logical response to it. And you know, through this process, we learn to to have people in our lives that we trust, that we lean on and lean into in these times, and and hopefully we can become that for other people, right? So sharing that self-inventory with another person, I feel is a very necessary step in this this healing process because it gives some additional perspective to it and it removes it from you know the the difference between real and imagined, right? So if something's imagined, it's it's fully in my head. And it's not until I get it out of my head and I share it with another person where I can find out where this thing that that I'm going through, that I'm thinking about, that's occupying my time and my energy, sharing it with another person, now I can find out if this is a real thing or if it's something I'm imagining, right? And and a lot of times we can imagine bad things are happening to us. And and we can inform ourselves based on historic his our history and and historical data um that this current event that's going on feels familiar. There are some things here that remind me of a situation in the past, and so I can kind of you know play it out in my head and dictate what the outcome is going to be before there's any outcome. And you know, it's sometimes we're imagining what's going on when it really isn't, and we're we're assigning um some of our historical experience to our current life, right? And I think a wonderful way to kind of give an example of that is in the dating scene. Um, if if you're on any dating apps or or whatever, just read through profiles. And every once in a while you'll run across a profile where a person might say that they have trust issues, and or when you first meet someone, they may tell you, you have to earn my trust, or you have to earn my respect. Right? And that is that's what I'm talking about. And and I've I've been there where I have presented to the world that they are at a deficit, um, and they must do something in order to receive from me trust or respect, right? And that is really um that that comes from living firmly in your past, right, and and leading out with your trauma and leading out with your your pain. It is completely unfair to someone new that you've met in your life to to tell them that you don't trust them and that you don't respect them because they have not yet done anything to earn that. And and trust and respect are are a couple of things that I believe now should be universally extended to everyone. It's not something that must be earned, it is something that can be lost or revoked, right? So we don't revoke those things from people who haven't committed offenses, right? You don't you don't get your driver's license uh suspended because your cousin got a DUI, right? Um you don't pay uh a fine because someone else who is your height and your race and your sex um had some traffic violation. And and so just because you look like them, now you have to pay the the same fine that they had to pay, right? Until you can prove that you don't do the thing that they did. That's not how it works in life, but for whatever reason, when we've gone through trauma, we we adopt this ideology that we can assign these consequences to complete strangers, to everyone we have yet to meet, now must pay the consequence that is rightfully assigned to the person who offended us, right? If we're logical about it, and we start applying things the way we want them to be applied to us, right? And this is this is how I started to be able to apply this a little bit more universally, is is looking into situations like do I want to be accused of of harm that I didn't do? Do I want to have to pay a price and a consequence for shortcomings that I don't have? Um do I want to go into every single relationship from here on out having to prove that I'm honorable, having to prove that I'm trustworthy, having to prove that I should get respect, right? And if you think about it, if if if you have to earn respect, then what are you getting during that time that you've yet to earn it? If you're not worthy of respect, then you must be getting the opposite of that, right? You're being disrespected. And so I I really didn't want to be the kind of person that was applying that with a wide swath paintbrush to the rest of the world, where I was blaming the whole world for things that a very small population of the world had done. So one of the other things we need to look at and start doing, and I found it really helpful for me, was creating a nurturing and spiritual practice, right? Whether it's meditation or relaxation exercises or whatever it may be, whatever spirituality means to you and how you define that, and how you find some peace, tranquility, balance, whatever that may be. And and you know, if you're listening to this series, if if someone recommended this to you and you're here for the first time, and you're just going through this trying to find some some relief from some trauma or or whatever it may be, and you don't have any idea of what a spiritual practice is or or what how you find peace, start exploring that. Start, you know, really spend some time and reflecting on yourself. And we'll get into that a little bit more on part four. But it's it's really key to to put in that effort to to try to discover who you are, what makes you tick, and most importantly, um as as it relates to our trauma, what calms you down, what de-escalates you, what you know I let out with my trauma, and I was I presented to the world as a victim for so many years because I didn't have a tool set that offered me any other solution, right? So picking up on the little tools that may work for you. And you may not know what those those are, but the important thing is is getting into it and kind of making a commitment to yourself and and trying some new stuff, you know. Pick up some self-help books and and read those. Listen to a podcast and and get some pointers from that. Talk to a friend who's maybe gone through some rough stuff and ask them what they do to calm themselves and to de-escalate and and and whatever. You know, for some people, water is a wonderful thing, you know, just soaking in the bath or or standing in the rain or whatever it may be. But find that thing for you, whether it's lighting incense and and candles and sitting in a in a room with some meditation music and or doing yoga or going for a run or going for a hike or whatever it may be, reading a book, just getting some alone time or listening to music, whatever that may be. Find find those things, write them down, and then go out of your way to spend some time doing those things as frequently as you can to get that that peacefulness and that enjoyment in life and and try to get more balanced and more centered. Practicing self-care is really important. You know, a a big part of my victimhood and and my my trauma based living was I kept compounding, and I talked about this a little bit in the last episode, I kept compounding the issues by Making bad decisions, right? Whether it was drug addiction or alcoholism or or gambling or whatever the the bad decision was that I made today, I would feel guilty about that. And that would compound the issue. And now I've got one more thing that I'm blaming myself for, and I'm feeling guilty about, and I'm I'm down in the dumps about, and I'm stuck on my pity pot, right? And then I get stuck on my pity pot and I feel guilty about that. And I mean, it's just a never-ending cycle of self-imposed guilt and remorse. So practicing that good self-care helps to break that cycle. Some of the things you can do is start eating a little bit healthier, living a healthier lifestyle. You know, these things will will reinforce a positive emotional response to life. You know, if you're doing things that you really feel are good for yourself, then when you look in the mirror, you've you've got some things that you can be proud of that that you can feel good about, right? Abstaining from depressance is really big, right? Because a big part of, at least for me, a big part of my trauma response was depression, you know, the that guilt and grief and depression and all that stuff. And you know, last thing you want to do when you're dealing with depression a lot of the time is take depressants, right? Um and so alcohol is a big one. People turn to alcohol a lot because you know they think they're numbing themselves, but what what they're actually doing, yes, they may they may get some temporary relief, but it's a depressant. So you you're adding something in your system that's actually throwing your brain chemistry even further out of balance, causing more depression, and then you wake up with a hangover or whatever, and you feel guilty about drinking, and you know, again, that endless cycle of guilt and grief and remorse. And so that's that's not necessarily a good idea. Stimulants are also, you know, they can increase your anxiety and um they can interrupt your sleep patterns, and they they can do a lot of things that are detrimental to the the process of healing. So alcohol, drugs, caffeine, um and and even nicotine, you know, which is a big one for me. I'm still on nicotine. Um, you know, I quit quit drinking and drugs over 25 years ago, and you know, I'm still on nicotine. So um yeah, I've cut that down big time, and I'm I'm really very aware of how it affects me. Um so you know, it with that in mind, this isn't about perfection, right? Uh we're probably not gonna do any of this stuff perfectly, and and if if we could, then we probably don't have a problem with trauma in the first place, right? We probably don't need healing and recovery if we're that person that exists, that between you and me, I don't believe exists, who can just do all this stuff perfectly, right? We can't, and we we can't expect ourselves to, and we can't expect others to. But the the more distractions that we can remove, the the more uh negative things that we can abstain from, um and and the more positive things that we can add into our life, the better we're gonna be feeling about ourselves, and and the the the better chance of having some healing um is gonna present itself. So shame and guilt were really heavy for me when I first got sober, before I got sober, and I couldn't explain it, but I somehow knew deep down that I was the problem. You know, we talked about this a little bit in in previous episodes. Um that was the common denominator, right? And and I would always I would look around, and there's this situation where I was harmed, in this situation I was harmed, in this situation I was harmed. And when I look at all those situations and I put them all together and I go, okay, well, what do they all have in common? Well, me. So obviously I'm the problem, right? And then I had all of these adults that were not intervening and not stepping in and and um and and being there and and protecting me and and doing you know what what they could do to to help me out and intervene. So I you know that just compounded that and reaffirmed that there was something wrong with me. But I think the most important message when it comes to to trauma is we are not to blame. It's very important, and and it might be very difficult to adopt that belief, but start today and remind yourself every day that you are not to blame for your trauma. And even in instances where you may have been the perpetrator of your own trauma, I'm here to tell you right now you're still not to blame. Because whatever we did yesterday we were operating with the knowledge and the skills we had yesterday, right? So if I did something completely terrible, um and and just to give an off um an off example of of where someone might be the perpetrator of their own trauma. Um let's let's say um I had too much to drink and I decided to get in my car and drive, and I hit someone. And there was a tragic accident. And and I, you know, um, and that tragedy takes space in my head, right? That that person who made that decision to to drink and get in the car. That person is not me sitting here today. That is a past version of me, right? That that was the me from then who is not the me now. And that person is responsible. And today I'm a different person, right? I'm I'm someone who wants to heal, I'm someone who wants to do good, I I I want to be of service and benefit the world. So this person here today is a a completely different version. And so to blame me is is just going to to keep push me down and hold me down and and keep me from from reaching my full potential. The the trauma we've experienced, it's not our fault. And it and should not define us as a person and who we are. It simply is something that happened to us, right? Um, and then our response to those events was was generally the best we could do with the tools we had available at that time. And many times what we did was necessary to survive, and so we may not have reacted to those events in a way that others, society, or even ourselves would deem appropriate. But again, we're not to blame for that. We reacted the way we reacted because that is what we had. That was the tools we had, whatever deficit we had at that time, whatever reaction we had. It is what it is. And and we're not to blame for that. You know, we we do what we need to do when we're we're faced with decisions, when we're faced with with events. We react how we react. If our trauma was perpetrated by someone else, that perpetrator is the one to blame for that event, right? We don't need to carry that burden for them, but many times we do. We for for some reason we twist it up, and instead of blaming that person, we blame somehow blame ourselves. So in in doing this self-inventory, this is where we're gonna break these things down and we're gonna go through events in our life that we we hold on to, memories that that crop up for us, and we have some sort of emotional response to it, right? And it doesn't have to be categorically traumatic events that we're doing a self-inventory, and and it's even better if we can we can do a whole lot of stuff on this self-inventory that we don't necessarily consider traumatic events, but if you know we had some undesired outcome in a relationship or in a transaction with with another person or whatever, put it down, you know, because those ones are gonna be easier to process than the big traumatic ones. And that that's gonna give you the experience of going through and and listing the event and and then assigning things appropriately, you know, as far as what role we had to play in it, what role someone else had to play in it, and then you know, even breaking it down further and throwing some transactional analysis on it and seeing where the language that we were using could have contributed to the situation and all that stuff. So the more of these um, let's say, bothersome events that we have that that aren't considered by us to be traumatic events, the the more opportunity we're gonna have for practicing this process, this inventory process, and practicing breaking it down and and getting to know things in a more logical way. And the more practice we have, then the more success we're gonna have when the big ones pop up, right? When we're when we're actually addressing those traumatic events. If if we've got a few other things under our belt where we've we've looked at this process and we see now what's going on and and the benefits of of the process, then we're gonna we're gonna have a little bit more success with the bigger ones. So I mentioned earlier taking responsibility and how hopefully I was going to describe it in a way that uh was different from what you're thinking. So taking responsibility is very important, but we can't travel in time, right? And so speaking of traveling in time, back in around 1992, I was in rehab for the second time, and my primary counselor at this rehab, uh at this treatment center, used to define responsibility in a way that was very unique to me at the time. I'd never seen it defined this way. Um, and he'd make us open up uh the Webster Dictionary or whatever dictionary, and one of the definitions there was responsibility is the ability to make appropriate responses. And so that was different, right? The ability to make appropriate responses. So if we take that definition and we apply that definition of responsibility, right? Um, this is something that we can do in the present. We can do this right now, we can um make an appropriate response now. It's something that we can prepare to do in the future. You know, we can work to have the skills and the processes in place so that we're less reactive to things that that may come at us, and we have a higher chance or higher ability to make the appropriate response when those events happen to us in the future. Can we go back in time to one of these traumatic events that we maybe didn't react to in the in a healthy way? Can we go back to that point in time and respond appropriately to that? I haven't figured out a way to do that. And you know, some belief systems think that you can suspend time and you can travel in time and and through shamanism or or some other astral projection or whatever, it may be possible, but it's not a skill set that I have, and it's not a skill set that a lot of people that I know have. So let's let's focus on things that are more common and more universal concepts, right? So I can't travel back in time, so I cannot take responsibility for events of the past, even if it's something I did, you know. Um, I got multiple DUIs when I was running and gunning back in the day. And I can't go back and respond appropriately. I can't go back to those dates and not get in the car after I drank. I can't go back to those dates and not drink because I knew I had to drive somewhere. It's impossible. It what's done is done. I cannot be responsible for those things, right? The time to be responsible for those things has passed. Can we expect other people to go back in time and respond appropriately to the events that we've experienced? No, we cannot. It's it's a done deal. So ask yourself, do you respond appropriately to events that are happening today? Right? Because that's something that that I can have a say in. That's something that I can influence. I can influence the way I'm reacting to things today. Am I responding appropriately to life? When when someone says something that I don't like, am I responding appropriately to it? You know, or am I responding inappropriately to it? And that's where this transactional analysis stuff can come in really handy, right? If you know that someone being a critical parent is going to trigger the rebellious child in you, um, you can you can interrupt that, right? Someone comes at you being a critical parent and you can just ask yourself a question, maybe ask them a question and interrupt that transaction. And you don't have to respond inappropriately, right? But you may still do that today, you know. Answer these questions honestly. Do we respond appropriately to events that are happening today? If the answer to that question is no, there's something you can work on, right? You can't work on the stuff in the past, you can't respond appropriately to events that happened in the past, but you can work on responding appropriately to events happening today. How can we improve our ability to respond appropriately to events that may happen in the future, right? So, in in doing this self-inventory and sharing it with someone and getting some logical, hopefully unbiased feedback, you're gonna be able to create a list of what some of your character defects are, um, where where you have some liabilities, where you can do better, you know, where you're seeing consistent patterns of behavior, consist consistent patterns of reacting to other people in inappropriate ways. And so you can use that list to start developing some strategies on how to interrupt those patterns of behavior, right? And and this is all it's all about interrupting the behaviors and the reactions to life that compound the negative experience, right? Our trauma and and addiction and and all of these things that that hold us back and and and bring us down, these they live in a negative mindset, right? They live and they feed off our grief, off our depression, off our despair. So the key to healing and and finding some relief is throwing the balance out of whack. We have to start interrupting that negative feedback loop, right? We need to start interrupting that and throwing in some positive feedback, some positive experience. And then with enough experience and enough interruption, hopefully we get to the point to where our feedback loop is a positive feedback loop. And now we're living and existing in a positive mindset and a and a positive framework, right? So think about it. Do you carry the baggage of your trauma into new relationships? You know, do you lead out with that um I have trust issues, right? Or you have to earn my respect. Is that the way you lead into new relationships? Do we place expectations on people in our lives based on experiences that we had with others, right? So if you've had three former significant others were unfaithful to you, do you go into a new relationship expecting your new significant other to be unfaithful to you? Right? Because this is this is pretty common stuff. We inform ourselves. Based on our past experience, right? And this is a little bit different than intuition. Um, I think I think intuition is is something that everyone has on some level, and it can be developed to where you can really rely on it. But intuition is only slightly informed by past experiences, right? It's more informed by an energetic field, like what's vibrating and what you're feeling between yourself and someone that that you're intuiting information from, right? Um, but without developing that skill, a lot of people can misplace their um leaning on past experience for intuition, right? They'll meet someone new and they'll say, Well, I I can just feel that they're gonna do this bad thing to me. Um, and it may not actually be a feeling, it may just be a thought that is so focused on that it brings up feelings, and you're what you're feeling is that response to your past trauma, and you're not actually feeling a vibrational energy coming from this person. You're feeling a vibration, you're feeling a fear that stems from a memory of past trauma, if that makes any sense. So often we're we're tempted to tell new people that we're untrusting or skeptical of their intentions. We base this bias on our experience with uh with people in the past. And although this experience and this response is completely valid, and I I don't want to I don't want to take that away. It is a valid feeling, it's a valid response, but it's not appropriate. We are effectively placing new people on probation solely based on the transgressions of someone in our past. We're punishing them for something they didn't do. In turn, we're punishing ourselves by creating these hurdles to intimacy. And often we miss out on any opportunity to experience other people genuinely. We force these people into a box that dictates the terms of engagement before they've even made an emotional investment. And so, faced with that, a lot of people just aren't interested in investing energy after already being punished for something they didn't do. These are all adaptive responses to trauma. And although they're not appropriate, they have served us to keep us safe from further damage to some extent, right? They've they've become the tools that we lean on and we rely on to keep us in our safe little bubble. And although we may not, you know, they they might be sufficient in protecting us from experiencing the kind of trauma that caused this type of response in the first place, we're inadvertently causing or experiencing new trauma. Since people find it difficult to get close to us, we might begin to feel isolated, unwanted, unloved. This can reaffirm any self-doubt that might occur in our developed sense of self, and it feels like a new betrayal. So we may blame the universe for making us broken or dealing us a bad hand in life, whatever. And it just becomes this compounding issue that seems to get worse and worse over time. Alternatively, we might be too open with people, sharing too many details about our trauma early on in the relationship, then they might use this information against us, which adds to the evidence that we're a victim, right? It's that self-fulfilled prophecy. We might carry these traits into therapeutic settings, refusing to open up and be honest with a therapist because we're afraid they're going to betray us or they're going to shame us. Then, as a result of not being fully honest, we decide therapy doesn't work. This can become more affirming information that we are broken or doomed to fail, which in turn feeds into the negative self-image, and we build higher and stronger walls. Not only to protect ourselves, but we might be convinced that we have to protect others from ourselves. We might have created an internal dialogue with us that says we're to blame or we should be ashamed because we don't know how to deal with life like other people do. We might turn to drugs or alcohol to deal with the shame or feelings of inadequacy. We may offer temporary relief. It may offer temporary relief, but it actually compounds it further because now we feel guilty, remorse, whatever. Much of our internal dialogue might exist between our critical parent and our rebellious or adapted child. We mentally criticize ourselves for our maladaptive behavior, and then we either hide or engage in risky behaviors. It can become this endless cycle that continually compounds the issues and makes recovery seem impossible. We have to interrupt it at some point a new cycle has to begin, or it's just going to continue to repeat itself over and over and over again. And so that's what this this is all about. You know, and this this third part of reframing experiences. It's all about taking the steps to view the world through a different lens. Right? And we need help with this part. Up until this section, um a lot of what what I've been talking about, I've made some some strong suggestions of of leaning on other people and finding someone to hold your hand and a guide. But this this part here we we need outside help. It is virtually impossible to have a different perspective of the world than the one that we have. Unless we bring someone else into the picture, right? Because our perspective is valid. It's a hundred percent valid. It is your experience, it is what you see, it is what you know, it is completely valid, and it's always going to be that truth that you know until you invite in a different truth. And I'll tell you, there's more than one truth out there. And and if you're suffering from addiction or you're suffering from trauma and you're in pain, and you're stuck in this cycle, this maddening cycle of negative feedback, that's all you know. And I've been there, and I understand it, I understand that being all you know. And no matter how hard you try, you can't know something different without learning it from outside yourself. So at at this at this junction, it is imperative that you reach out, preferably to someone who has some experience with this stuff, and give them permission to give you some insight and and help you to find a different perspective. And as much as you can to to exist when working on your trauma, when working on any character defects, to go through those processes from the that logical adult ego state as much as you can. And it's not gonna be perfect. Um but but just keep reminding yourself that that is that's the goal is to process these things from a logical place. That's going to allow you to start having some different perspective. But it really is going to require you to to let someone else in and and allow them, give them permission to to point out when and where you're not leaning into logic when you're relying on those emotional responses that you learned from your past. So um hopefully this wasn't too heavy for you guys. Hopefully you found a little bit of insight in this, and uh looking forward to closing out this particular series because I will tell you, um, as I mentioned on the last episode, just going through this this process of of regurgitating this information to you guys, I it's required me to give a lot of additional energy and thought to my trauma and my past uh that I don't normally do on a regular basis anymore because I've I've applied this process and and I I really do try to exist in that that positive place, um, at least as it relates to my trauma. And this process here has it's been having some effect on me. And um I'm I'm really looking forward to finishing this series and getting it out there and um getting back into my normal routine of focusing on that positivity and and being of service and and doing what I can to keep that positive feedback loop going. Um so next episode is part four in this series. It's called Finding Yourself, and I'm really looking forward to it. I hope you are too. If you guys have any questions or you just want to reach out, you can email me at Tiberius Ryu at gmail.com, or you can find me on TikTok as the chemonic druid. Until next time, take care.