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Because I Said So!
Season Two Coming in September!
Because I Said So! is a podcast by John Rosemond. John is the nation’s leading parenting expert and provides common-sense advice for raising your children. John is a nationally syndicated columnist, author and public speaker. His audiences are left feeling empowered, educated and entertained.
A family psychologist by license, John points out to all his audiences that “psychology has caused more problems than it has solved for American parents.” John’s mission is to be a counter-weight to the psychological parenting paradigm that was sold to America in the late 1960s/early 1970s, restore commonsense to the raising of children, and give parents the guidance needed to raise happy, well-mannered children who will, as adults, contribute value to culture and society.
Because I Said So!
Picky Eaters, Adopted Children, and Fake Diagnoses
Children are soap opera factories. See Proverbs 22:15. Which is why, for the most part, no one should engage them in discussions concerning their feelings.
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You got yourself some children. They all be running wild, driving you crazy. They're keeping you up all night long. You better turn on your radio dial up to John Rosemond, sometimes known as a parenting expert. And this is in fact the only program podcast on the entire worldwide web where you will hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about America's mental health professions what a disaster they have been. And you will hear the truth whole truth and nothing but the truth about children. And you will hear the truth, etc, etc. About the raising of children. So I'm glad you joined me and I hope you enjoy the show and keep coming back.
Speaker 1:Other listeners know that I hold a very low opinion of my chosen profession, psychology. But for those of you who might be joining me for the first time, let it be known that, although I am a psychologist by training and license a license issued by the North Carolina Psychology Board in 1979, which they regret having given me and have tried to take away from me three times because they don't like what I say and I'm going to give you an example of that today, as I do with every single one of these podcasts Let it be known that, although I'm a psychologist by training and license. I'm convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that over the past century, ever since Freud, psychology has been a wrecking ball in American culture. Psychology and psychologists create more problems than they know how to solve. Psychology is a bogus profession of fake science that lacks even the most fundamental practice standards. I believe states attorneys general should indict state psychology licensing boards for deceptive business practices and violations of the RICO Act. If there are any lawyers listening, you could have a field day, believe me, by filing class action suits against state psychology licensing boards. If you're interested, I'll be glad to serve as an expert witness in any such action that you might bring.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's stop right there. That rant was brought to you courtesy of a mother who recently wrote me an email through my website at parent guru dot com. The mother writes our youngest child is sex and was adopted as an infant. He has strong food preferences, as everyone does. I make foods that he and his older siblings have a chance of liking, but the six year old most nights cries at the dinner table because he hates what's being served. All right, let's stop right there. I didn't need to have any more information to know that if these parents had contacted any other psychologist in America but me self, they would have been told that their son has at least two diagnoses reactive attachment disorder and sensory integration disorder. And they might well have been told that he has those two diagnoses and is also on the autism spectrum. Five sentences of information, three diagnoses, none of which have a shred of scientific or medical validity. His child, a six-year-old adopted child, is at great risk of being diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder because he was adopted, and nearly all psychologists believe all adopted children have reactive attachment disorder, which simply means a child behaves sometimes in weird ways.
Speaker 1:It's fascinating, isn't it? It's fascinating because all children, adopted or not, sometimes behave in weird ways. When a child behaves in some weird way, if he's simply told firmly to cut it out, as in come on, give me a break, I don't have time for foolishness of this sort. So just cut it out, will you? Billy? You will almost always cut it out, whatever it is. That's how my mother responded to weird behavior and complaints on my part. She wouldn't give them the time of day and because she wouldn't stop what she was doing, she was a single parent. For most of the first seven years of my life. She did not have time for foolishness and because she would not stop what she was doing to pay attention to my foolishness, I cut it out, it being the foolishness in question. I seem to be the only psychologist in America that tells parents to simply tell their children to cut it out.
Speaker 1:When children aren't told to cut it out whatever it is, they keep doing it. And because they keep doing whatever it is, they quickly develop a habit and their parents get more and more anxious. And pretty soon the anxious parents have said children take them to psychologists. Ay-ya-ya and they get tested. Ay-ya-ya and they get diagnosed. Ay-ya-ya and they get medicated. Ay-ya-ya. Does all psychologists know how to do these days, it would seem Test, diagnose, medicate Next. Test diagnose, medicate Next. Test diagnose, medicate Next.
Speaker 1:Anyway, back to the adopted six-year-old. He'd be diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, rad, simply because he's adopted. And he'll be diagnosed with sensory integration disorder because he's a picky eater and a psychologist would probably tell his parents quote when your son tastes broccoli, he doesn't taste what you and I taste, he tastes something else. Now let me ask you, the listener, how does the psychologist know that little Billy's broccoli taste buds don't work like yours or mine. How does he know that? Is he able to hook himself up to the taste area of Billy's brain? No, he is not able to taste what Billy is tasting. So on what basis then does he know that when Billy tastes broccoli, he tastes what I taste. When I taste a, what artichoke? How does he know what he claims to know? He doesn't. He's a charlatan, he's a pretender. He's making stuff up. He doesn't know what he's talking about. But notice, by telling the parents that Billy's taste mechanism is out of whack, the psychologist lets himself off the hook. He no longer has to solve the problem of Billy's tantrums at the dinner table because Billy's got a bad brain. And hey, billy's parents can't hold the psychologist to account if he fails to fix Billy's bad brain. I mean, hey, he's a psychologist, not a brain surgeon. And lastly, billy's going to probably be diagnosed, in addition to reactive attachment disorder and sensory integration disorder, which in both cases have no scientific or medical validity. The psychologist is going to tell Billy's parents that he's on the spectrum, in other words, he has mild autism.
Speaker 1:These days, any kid who shows up at a psychologist's office, it seems, comes out of there with a diagnosis of on the spectrum. That's the diagnosis du jour these days, like ADHD was 20 years ago. What does it mean that a child is on the spectrum? Why, it simply means, once again, he's a kid and kids do weird stuff. They always have and they always will. In fact, human beings are weird All of us. You're weird, I'm weird. All the God's children are weird. We're the only weird species in God's creation. Sometime during early adolescence, most of us learned to hide our weird stuff from other people Because we finally get it around age I don't know, 11, 12, 13, that people are put off by people who do and say weird things. But Billy, that's what I'm going to call him, billy. Billy is only six. He hasn't yet learned to put his weird stuff out of sight. So because he hasn't learned to put his weird stuff someplace where people don't see it, he would get diagnosed as being on the spectrum.
Speaker 1:Anyway, the mother in question went on in her email to tell me quote Sometimes he he being her six-year-old adopted child, whom I'm taking the liberty of naming Billy sometimes Billy refuses to even try a food I've cooked. I don't make him a new one, I don't serve him a special meal and I don't offer snacks to him after dinner, but this whole process is disruptive to our time at the dinner table. He's often tired. He gets plenty of sleep, but just end of the day tired. Can you provide a suggestion? I care less that he eats and more that we stop the tantrums at the dinner table.
Speaker 1:Well, madam, I can do better than provide a suggestion. I can solve this problem for you, mother of Billy, and I won't charge you a thing. Are you ready? Because you need to take some notes. Here's what I want you to do in five easy steps. Step one you sit down with Billy and you tell him you've spoken with a world-famous doctor. Now build a guy up World-famous, knows everything there is to know about children and parents and how to raise children properly.
Speaker 1:You tell Billy you've spoken with a world-famous doctor who told you that children who won't eat what's put in front of them and throw tantrums at the dinner table aren't getting enough sleep. Now, without getting too deeply into the weeds of this approach, please understand that Billy's behavior problems in reality have nothing to do with the amount of sleep he's getting. We are simply going to redefine the problem such that Billy is no longer a bad kid. He's merely not getting enough sleep. That's why he's not eating and he's throwing tantrums at the dinner table. And by invoking the mythical doctor, authority is temporarily shifted away from Billy's parents, who have, to this point, not exercised authority properly, to a third party, the imaginary doctor whose authority Billy readily recognizes. So, by invoking the doctor, suddenly there is nothing wrong with Billy, other than he simply isn't getting enough sleep. He has no fake disorders, he doesn't need fake therapy and he sure doesn't need any fake medicines, hooh-ha.
Speaker 1:Step two his parents tell Billy that, according to the doctor, they will know If Billy has gotten enough sleep by his behavior at the family dinner table. If he refuses to eat what everyone else is eating, whether he throws a tantrum or not, it means he hasn't gotten enough sleep. And to catch up on his sleep, he has to go to bed immediately after dinner. Step three Billy's parents use a digital timer to set a 20 minute limit on the amount of time Billy can take to eat his dinner, which consists of the same food everyone else has been served. Step 4, billy is served only one teaspoon of each of the items being served to the family for dinner. We're going to make this very easy on Billy. He's going to get one teaspoon of one teaspoon of broccoli, one teaspoon of mashed potatoes and gravy, one teaspoon of baked chicken. All he has to do to demonstrate he's getting enough sleep and can therefore stay up until his normal bedtime is, eat three teaspoons of food, and if he eats those three teaspoons within the 20 minute limit, he can have seconds of any of those foods, or any two of them, or all three of them in any amounts he desires.
Speaker 1:Step 5, during the 20 minutes Billy has in which to finish off his three teaspoons of food to demonstrate he's getting enough sleep, his parents pay no attention to him at all. See, that's that is a major part of the problem with picky eaters is their parents. They sit there at the dinner table going come on, billy, come on, let's eat. Okay, let's eat that. Try that. You've never tasted it before. Just pick it up and touch it to your tongue. It's got a lot of vitamins in it. If you don't eat vitamins, you'll just waste away and blow away in the breeze, and all of this attention that is paid to the picky eater does nothing but make the problem worse.
Speaker 1:And so, during the 20 minutes in which Billy has been given to finish off his three teaspoons of food. His parents pay no attention to him at all. They talk to one another. What a concept that at the dinner table, children are not the center of attention. Billy's parents don't encourage him to eat. They don't offer him rewards if he eats. They don't threaten punishment if he doesn't eat. They don't tell him how much time he's got left on his 20 minutes. Oh, billy, you've only got five minutes left. They don't talk about vitamins. They don't talk about strong bones, big muscles. They pay no attention to him at all. Billy is no longer the center of attention at the dinner table. Either eats his three teaspoons of food in twenty minutes without drama, or he doesn't. He either demonstrates he's getting enough sleep or he demonstrates a need for more sleep and has to go to bed immediately after dinner.
Speaker 1:Folks, if you are skeptical of this approach, I've been recommending it for more than 25 years. So I do say so myself. I am the inventor, developer of this approach. I've been recommending it for more than 25 years and I will tell you when parents have followed my instructions to the proverbial T. The approach I just described has never failed, never Again. No fake testing, no fake diagnosis, no fake therapy, no fake medicine and within usually two weeks the child in question is eating everything and anything put in front of him, because it is a universal rule that children hate going to bed early. But remember, if Billy has to go to bed early, which will happen for the first week or so, it will not be for any reason other than he's obviously not getting enough sleep. In other words, early bedtime is not punishment and Billy has nothing wrong with him, like all children, the only spectrum he's on is the drama spectrum, the soap opera spectrum. By the way, psychologists are infuriated by my general approach to behavior problems, which the interested listener can find explained in depth in my bestselling book, the Well-Behaved a Child. Why are they infuriated? Because my advice enables parents to solve behavior problems without getting involved with them, spending Money with them.
Speaker 1:For thousands of years, ladies and gentlemen, parents did just fine without psychology. As parents have depended more and more on expert advice from mental health professionals when it comes to raising children, the mental health of children has gone into a continuing tailspin. It is time, folks, that we kicked psychologists out of the business of raising children. It is time for a child-rearing retro-revolution of good old common sense. And that, folks, is a wrap You've been listening to because I said so with your host, john Roseman, heretic psychologist, wannabe rock and roll star. I hope you join us on a continuing basis, folks, for this very fun and exciting to me anyway program podcast, and next week I'm going to talk about the folly of believing that discipline is all about the proper use of consequences. In the meantime, keep on rockin' in the free world because, folks, if we don't rock it, we are in danger of losing it. Have a good one.
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