Truth & Shade
Understanding the LGBTQ+ Experience: Acceptance and Beyond
Have you ever paused to consider the immense impact of societal acceptance on the individuals of the LGBTQIA+ community? This episode promises a deep dive into the world of LGBTQ+ identities, presenting compelling conversations about the growth of the community and the importance of living authentically. We'll take you through a candid discussion on the unique challenges faced by black gay men and the harmful impact of societal expectations and media stereotypes. By the end, you'll understand the fascinating intricacies of these identities better than ever.
This episode also throws light on the distressing reality of abandonment and the struggle for acceptance faced by many LGBTQIA+ individuals. The poignant stories shared will make you reconsider societal norms and expectations. We delve into the power of media and its potential to shape public opinion, perpetuate false stigmas, and its impact on the LGBTQIA+ community. We discuss the significance of self-expression and the importance of allowing children to explore their identities freely.
In the final leg of our conversation, we underline the need to break gender stereotypes and celebrate individuality. We draw on insights from the world of media, exploring their role in shaping public perception. From discussing the image of homosexuality portrayed in the media to the pressure of leading a 'down low' lifestyle, this episode is sure to leave you enlightened and inspired. By embracing authenticity and breaking gender stereotypes, we aim to encourage everyone to live their truth and wear their pride with a smile. Tune in for an insightful, honest, and empowering conversation about the world of LGBTQ+ identities.
Have you ever paused to consider the immense impact of societal acceptance on the individuals of the LGBTQIA+ community? This episode promises a deep dive into the world of LGBTQ+ identities, presenting compelling conversations about the growth of the community and the importance of living authentically. We'll take you through a candid discussion on the unique challenges faced by black gay men and the harmful impact of societal expectations and media stereotypes. By the end, you'll understand the fascinating intricacies of these identities better than ever.
This episode also throws light on the distressing reality of abandonment and the struggle for acceptance faced by many LGBTQIA+ individuals. The poignant stories shared will make you reconsider societal norms and expectations. We delve into the power of media and its potential to shape public opinion, perpetuate false stigmas, and its impact on the LGBTQIA+ community. We discuss the significance of self-expression and the importance of allowing children to explore their identities freely.
In the final leg of our conversation, we underline the need to break gender stereotypes and celebrate individuality. We draw on insights from the world of media, exploring their role in shaping public perception. From discussing the image of homosexuality portrayed in the media to the pressure of leading a 'down low' lifestyle, this episode is sure to leave you enlightened and inspired. By embracing authenticity and breaking gender stereotypes, we aim to encourage everyone to live their truth and wear their pride with a smile. Tune in for an insightful, honest, and empowering conversation about the world of LGBTQ+ identities.
Hey welcome back to true and she with Alyssa and Jay. How are you Welcome friends? Yes, we're so excited to have you. I know we always like five we get on here, but it's just almost kind of just like. For me it's feel like a cyber leaf, like. Hey, this is a safe space yeah.
Speaker 1:This is a safe space.
Speaker 2:Yes, and release. We don't really have any kind of like celebrity. For years it wasn't given Anybody doing shit.
Speaker 1:Really it was nothing new. What was without was not worth talking about.
Speaker 2:Bad Like it, just it wasn't given so no celebrity today, Right. We do have a great episode for you. We're shooting our pride. Shout out to the community. The LGBT QA Right A is because I think one is asexual and the other one is is the other. It could not be a thing I don't want to.
Speaker 1:I'm very old timey game Now I feel like all the new things that happen I just be like I don't know Very bad it just be like okay, that's cute Y'all doing this.
Speaker 2:Now I like that for y'all, for the new people.
Speaker 1:But I'm not like bitter about it, I'm like okay.
Speaker 2:I'm like girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what y'all doing now Okay.
Speaker 2:Because I feel like, okay, what is it? Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, wait, qia, queer, intersex, asexual, then it's plus.
Speaker 1:I think they put a plus yeah, so I guess that would be like non binary.
Speaker 2:I think that's it. That's it. That's the plus Nine binary.
Speaker 1:Yeah, whatever, I guess that's falling between the cracks. I guess I don't know who's the judge of it.
Speaker 2:I don't know who I really like, if it's like and I really don't mean to be offensive Like I just if I think those are the correct terms. I think that's the most of the date, Because I feel like anybody should just be able to be who you are and be able to love who you ever want to love, and as long as you're not like a toxic person being doing toxic things to other people.
Speaker 1:Like I don't understand why, I never understood why gay was an issue Like I don't feel like that's the most the whole, even just for gay to still be an issue and the things going on and going on in the world, even still with sexuality, I just feel like what? Because what somebody else eat don't make me change, so I don't care. I believe he did. I believe he did, sorry. I just feel like why do you care? I don't know if I want nobody to do, as long as it's not hurting you yourself and others. Like, do what he do.
Speaker 1:Like I don't give a damn what you got going on Like, that's what you do over there, I do what I do over here that I don't have no judgment about, I don't care, and the world is just so involved and so intrigued with everybody else that's going on and how they live their life and how they should be or want people to live up to their standards and have their opinions be the forefront of just this is how I feel the world should go and what people should do, and it's like that was the thing that we would all be having, just like marital missionary sex only for appropriation.
Speaker 2:Like yuck who wants that? Like what, yuck who? Wants that Because, um, we y'all. You've already seen the dick episode, you know how we feel.
Speaker 1:Um, it ain't nothing like it, I was just so funny.
Speaker 2:I think it's about something that they have like.
Speaker 1:Sex is like literally like the oldest activity, like the world's oldest activity is still fun Like so people, the fact that people have been doing this for hundreds of millions of years and then people still doing it like, and I feel like, even like, because, like, obviously we're mammals, but I feel like we're like, the only mammal that, like other animals, use sex is like. It's like it's not like pre-long periods of time. We're the only form of mammal that like, continue to do it for fun, like activity. Yeah, it's like. I feel like animals only do it for procreation yeah, well you know, there are um instances of homosexuality in animals too.
Speaker 2:It is, and I feel like nobody ever rings that up. You know what I'm saying, like oh, you're not brown gay people are not you.
Speaker 1:This is a decision to like. Animals are gay. You say that it's like you don't have nothing to argue about that, because animals are gay and they have no influences. So what's that? What's what's? The reasoning for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so explain, explain.
Speaker 1:I feel like people who care that much to be in this always. You always find them and be like the ones. Like you will see some of the Republican parties like they'll be all for like okay, then we need to get rid of them. Then they eat ones that get outed and expose what happened to a young boyfriend.
Speaker 1:Because you didn't got, you didn't drug the boy up in the hotel and, man, now he dead. And now we gotta arrest you because you beat you, like, and it's always a black boy, it's always a young black boy and I'd be so sick of that to you, and it's like so the one that's always so loud about.
Speaker 1:Oh, we need to get rid of. This is detriment and make that before fun. It's like either your insecurities are showing and you really want to be living in your truth and you can't, or you actively partake in this and you feel like it's. It just comes to my head down, low man, yeah.
Speaker 2:Download is just real sad, just because, like one, you live in a lie and, like two, just be man enough to say you like what you like and it is what it is. Because, like, the man out here is like that, that's, that's a man Right and he can just. Those are the type of men that set trends. Those are the type of men that, like, leave legacies, that do stuff that way that they want to do it and just claim what it is that they want to claim and if you like, wear your clothes backwards, then do your thing and call yourself crisscross, like boom, there it is. It was a whole movement, like I feel, like it's like with that.
Speaker 1:I feel like it's so many issues with why people are, because I feel like I don't understand the reason. But I feel like the reason why most men are down low or choose to be down low, because the image of gay is always of a more flamboyant aspect to it. Like you know, it's always a more flamboyant feminine image that's put out of homosexuality and I feel like, most especially well, from my experience, most black men, I feel like they don't want to. If they do say it, that that's what people will see, that's all people think, because in the black community, once people know your gay, that's all they see you like you're not even a human, you're just gay. Yeah, and I feel like that's one reason why a lot of men choose to be down low and I also feel, well, no, yeah, that's the main reason. I feel like another reason?
Speaker 2:what? And correct me if I'm wrong. I feel like another reason is because it's so taboo to like any form of like anal play without being considered gay yeah, that's a stupid reason, because you know what I'm saying because, like, at the end of day and I feel like I've said this episode before I feel like the only thing that like actually makes you gay is like if you're a woman, like if I'm a woman, and like the curve of a woman's back and the way how soft her calves are and her dainty ankles.
Speaker 2:If those are the things like how a woman thinks her mind, oh, she pays attention to detail, how she wears her fingernails. Like don't, that would make me gay, make me want to be in a relationship with this woman. And like love on her body and all of that. That's what makes you gay.
Speaker 2:But like wanting certain sexual experiences, yeah, even as a woman like me wanting certain sexual experiences, I don't get automatically like oh, you're gay you because you want that you're gay or somebody you know, you get that from you know what I'm saying, type stuff, and I feel like it's not fair because like man don't get that birth to like explore different things and experience different stuff outside of the realm of like oh, what did you get something? Oh, why would you ask me to do that?
Speaker 1:I don't like and I feel like that leads to download stuff yeah, because once they feel like you're not a, it's not a safe space and they can't come with that, then the next thing they can do is get it from a man and then now you're a download man, but I feel like that also causes a rift, the image of being a gay being a more feminine image.
Speaker 1:I feel like it causes a rift within the, at least within the black gay community, because you have a lot of masculine gay men who feel like it's always just they look down on feminine gay like you have some that are attracted to feminine gay men, but you have a lot of them that look down on feminine gay men.
Speaker 1:One because that's the only image they see and it's like, oh we're all not that and it's like, well, yeah, you gay doesn't have a look to, but that's all you see in the media, right, that's all. When people find out you gave. It's like, oh, you're gonna act like this, this is what they assume about you and I hate that because it's like, I hate the way, because, even because being gay for one is a thing in itself, being black and gay is a thing in itself.
Speaker 1:On top of that and I feel like within the black gay community is just so much division. It's not a community based, nothing like that's when I first I knew that firsthand, when I first was like in the scene because I was, I think at that point I'm like I was kind of looking for community. Yeah, because once I realized I was gay, that's like I always knew, because I was different as a kid, just always into different things, like I like sports, but I feel like I only like sports because I feel like people told me I should like sports and so like within, like I guess, pretending to like it, I started to like I respected sports in a way, but like this still was not something I wanted to do like.
Speaker 1:I was just always geared towards feminine things. I always wanted to do what girls are doing, like I want to play with dolls. I wanted to dress the same way do some things, but yeah, that intrigued me and I didn't restart having an attraction for boys. I don't. I want to say probably until fifth grade, maybe fourth and but there's definitely before sixth grade.
Speaker 2:That's all right.
Speaker 1:The point fourth and fifth grade is when I was like, oh well, brian's kind of cute, I guess. Like I thought girl and that was, and it was weird because I thought girls were pretty. I thought girls were like I like to be in around girls. Obviously a lot of my friend groups up until after high school were girl based. Oh good, even as a kid I always had girlfriends. But like I always thought girls were pretty. Like I knew who a beautiful woman was. But I was like, oh, but I also think Brian's. I like how Brian looks, like Brian is also cute as well. But like I can never tell the difference in my mind as a kid, I'm like, well, yeah, at least it's cute, I guess, and she's a pretty girl.
Speaker 2:But I didn't see nothing past that I didn't want to kiss Lisa.
Speaker 1:I didn't want to do anything with Lisa, but I'm like, well, brian's a cute too and I actually like spending time with him and I don't know what's been going on with him.
Speaker 2:Like right, like.
Speaker 1:I want to kiss Brian and I don't feel like it got to that up in, probably like I thought boys were cute, probably like fourth to fifth grade, but I think once I obviously once I got to high school it was like that's where the hormones kick in and I was like I don't want to fuck these men Like these niggas is cute, these niggas tall, somebody short, but they some tall ones in here, like Okay.
Speaker 2:Cause I, I, I love that because I was thinking when you were saying around that time, like fourth to fifth grade, cause I was, maybe I was fast for second grade, when I seen my teacher office I was like oh, that's a man, oh, my God, that is a man. And I'm about to grow up and get me a man like that, Like, like, like and um, like you know, just knowing at a young age, like elementary age, like what you like, and that's why I hate it when people always try to like people who are so out of touch with childhood, like, try to say like oh them.
Speaker 2:kids don't know what they want and they don't know how you. You too young to be talking about you, but when you see a little boy and a little girl interacting and certainly like oh there's your little boyfriend. Oh, that's your little son Like, then it's okay, but I can't know that I like the way Jimmy smells when he comes in here, versus I want to smell like candy, so that Jimmy can be smelling me and we can be smelling good together.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying Like that's good, Because people, often times parents, put on they want their kids to live a certain lifestyle and that's all they see them as. So anything that's outside of that is almost like. This is not the vision I have for you and you're not supposed to be doing this. It's like, but like this is still my life to live.
Speaker 2:Like.
Speaker 1:I still have to live my life and I don't think parents see that, like they always just see their version of how they want their children to grow up, but if they want them to do the things, they want them to do.
Speaker 2:Which is also like ask cause, check yourself, like your kids is y'all, is they own people, like they gonna be? They own people like doing their own thing and have their own thoughts and ideas and they are valuable just because they're theirs, not because, like, they're an extension for you, like that's weird.
Speaker 1:Like as long as you're, I feel like I'm not a parent, so I don't know how you raise a child.
Speaker 1:But I feel like my way would be very like. Cause I feel like at a point when I have work, when I did talk about going to kids, I was like I want my son to do this, I want my daughter to do this, I want him to do these activities. But then, as I got older, I'm like I feel like if I do have children, I'm definitely going to let them, I'm not gonna push anything on them. Like whatever you lean, towards whatever you lean in.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna support you as long as it ain't hurting you, hurting nobody else. I'm gonna let you lean into it and help you navigate it along the way.
Speaker 2:Like oh, you're into emo okay. I guess you can dye your hair. That's fine.
Speaker 1:Cause if you're gonna do it like, okay, well, this is the good dye that you supposed to do, this is gonna keep your hair long.
Speaker 2:You want to go to the salon, we can get it done Like let's just do that I don't want you to get your hair to fall out now.
Speaker 1:Let's do it, don't put too many chains on, at least take one of them off. Like you know, that don't look right, that's right, we're probably gonna get through the metal detector.
Speaker 2:We are going through the air for a break.
Speaker 1:Like I'm gonna support whatever, like express yourself, however, do what makes you feel like this is your life today, and at least be happy while you're living that.
Speaker 2:That that cause I. I told you I started rewatching Pull's recently and I was just like.
Speaker 2:I'll be so sad watching the part where Damien get kicked out of his house and this is like it's really people out here that were like that and are like that. We're like you will really kick your son or your daughter out of your house and your life Because they're gay. That's crazy. Like I had to slow it down so you hear how crazy that sounds. Like that's legitimately insane. That's legitimately insane to me. Like you could really like cause of who your kid is attracted to.
Speaker 1:Like it's that vision Like this is not what I saw you doing, because this is goes completely opposite of what I seen. But you gotta go. I don't even want to see you. I don't want to get around it, cause this is not. I don't know who got you into that. I don't know where you started and then it's always just something happened, maybe like shut up.
Speaker 2:So the part that make me sad is like knowing people or have known, have had known people who, like, legitimately, are absolutely afraid to the point of coming out to they people or don't even want to recognize it in theyself, or like let themselves, like, just have that and know that. And then they're like you know. You know you just live your life in shame, or this is like. You know what I'm saying Like don't nobody want to leave, like that, that shit is crazy.
Speaker 1:Cause I think I was very like. I've always acted like the same way, so like I've thought my whole life I've acted pretty much the same way, Like nothing was ever really different.
Speaker 1:But I would never say like, once I got to like high school and a little older like me, saying I was gay was not a thing Like I, I it was never like something that I advertised, I just was who I was. Yeah, and it wasn't until I was outed Cause I was like, oh, it's not that bad, it's like okay, like I'm still the same person, really like nothing's changing about me. Now people just know what I am and what I do. And I think, cause I think the image of what was like like I said, like everything was always depicted, even if it was in movies, tv, it was always just like a thing of like you come out as gay, you get kicked out the house.
Speaker 1:Now you're on the street and that's all I would see and I'm like okay, so this is something I just can't say. I gotta wait. At least I got to talk about it, yeah, and once it happened I just was like huh and now people know, oh, and it's always like a horror story, like that was depicted, like you come out like a world shake.
Speaker 2:I was, I was, I was, and it was a complete opposite.
Speaker 1:It was just like oh, nobody's out casting me, people are embracing me, actually go.
Speaker 2:Okay, I feel yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:This is not how I thought it was gonna go. Right, Okay. So I was thankful I didn't have a like a horror story of coming out and it just being like boys don't cry type of situation, Good God. And. But I always was, I always felt empathy for cause I knew everybody never didn't have that type of story.
Speaker 1:So I always felt empathy for the ones who, like do unfortunately get put out and have to live on the street or getting neglected from their family. Like I always felt so bad Cause, like I don't know what that feels like.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I can only imagine what it feels like to just be abandoned, like it has to be a horrible, horrible experience, and I'm so sorry to people who have experienced that.
Speaker 2:It is this like it's literally heartbreaking. I just feel so bad Cause, like, and then also like, when these beautiful, talented, creative, incredible people become something, become all that they can and do all that they can in spite of your deference, like don't try to come back either and circle back and spend the block, like, oh my child, and do do doop, nope. Cause it was the same gay child that you threw out in the streets, oh no, no thanks, but no thanks, like it's just. Oh, you blow down.
Speaker 1:Like I remember cause I was out by the end.
Speaker 2:I had to be, I was out by the end.
Speaker 1:It was my thing, my briefcase, when I'm hearing about gay pride, I don't know what gay pride was.
Speaker 2:I was just like, oh, I want to go, like I want to go to this thing.
Speaker 1:It was like probably my first thing that I did. I was like gay based or something. I was like I'm sorry, I'm still looking forward to it. I was real nervous about it, like I was trying to put a cute little outfit together. Like I was like the whole day like we ended up getting there late and saying.
Speaker 1:But I had a very emotional reaction because, as far as I knew, I was the only gay person I knew. I had never met another gay person. The only gay pictures I ever had were on TV or like, in like or in media. So I had never experienced the gay person and been around. All I knew was I was gay and that was all I knew. That's it.
Speaker 1:So I remember we got off the bus. We caught the bus down there. We got off the bus we just walking because it was at Herplies and we got off somewhere else and we just lost the sale. We turned this corner and everybody was like most of people's leaving gay pride because it was still going on, but it was getting late and I just saw, like so many different people, and like just a whole bunch of gay people and I'm just like these people gay Like, oh my.
Speaker 1:God, I had an emotional, I started crying and everything I had a real emotional reaction to it and I just sat there and I'm like, oh my God, I'm not alone. Like these people are gay too, Like this is so this is beautiful, but then I see my cousin, and at that point I went out to my family.
Speaker 2:I was just on the out to my friends and she was. She, was she been gay?
Speaker 1:since I don't know.
Speaker 2:Anyway.
Speaker 1:And I remember, and I just kept having this feeling. I'm like I'm gonna see somebody I know I don't know who it's gonna be, but I'm gonna see somebody that I just kept having this feeling. So I saw her friend first and I saw a, caught a glance of her and I immediately like, did a turnaround and like, fast walk, like we'll get the fuck out of here. Before I see you, they seen her cut another corner. There's my motherfucking face.
Speaker 2:I'm just like I looked we locked eyes.
Speaker 1:I looked at her, she saw me. I saw her. I pushed it. I'm like I ain't got the fuck away from here. But she never said that to the body. She just like okay, right, but I'm when I my family knew that was a whole different. It was very I was. I had anxiety about it, cause I guess that I've always been the same way. But like I guess that was like always something sacred to me, like it's my thing and I don't want to like let nobody know.
Speaker 1:And again, I was outed in my family. Well, I told my mom.
Speaker 2:I had to tell her three separate times.
Speaker 1:She just didn't want to. She's like it was a phase and I'm like I'm going to laugh and I'm like mom, no, I'm just not a phase, I'm gay.
Speaker 2:So do what that?
Speaker 1:what you want, I don't know, but it's not gonna. I was outed to my dad cause my raggedy ass brother. I thought he was doing something like this. I don't know what he thought he was trying to do, but my dad called me and just was like no, so it was my 18th birthday. He just called me and was like you know, cause I was going to hair school. I think I was going to hair school at that time and he just was like I heard you on the hair school. You know I want you to do whatever you're going to do. That's going to make you happy and whatever you do, be the best that day, because you know that's what we do. We always the best what we do.
Speaker 1:He always just gonna be like, no, we can't be the long we can't be the best father.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, girl it's the only thing they can do that is, raise it to you.
Speaker 1:know, whatever you do in life, just make sure you do the best at it and be as authentic to what he just gave me. It was one of the better him, better times with him being a father.
Speaker 1:And she's like I needed this. Like, thank you, I didn't, I needed this. This was, this was nice. And then one of my cousins told my auntie I don't know why that was such a big deal, but I guess she felt like I should have told her. Why didn't? She know, cause I'm real close to my aunt, she's like second mother. I don't know where she was. She pulled up on me. She called me. No, she didn't even call me. My mom called me. I was like well, honk on her way. She, you know, you gave her the girl. She just wanted to come on.
Speaker 2:I'm like what's she coming over here for?
Speaker 1:I'm like I don't know what we got to talk about, so she gave me. She like um, so you gave now and I'm like, well, I've been gave the phone for five.
Speaker 2:Well, why you?
Speaker 1:ain't tell me. I thought you knew. I don't know. I thought everybody kind of knew. Like I'm not acting up, she's like I mean, are you ashamed or something? No, I just thought everybody knew. So this is what you're going to be Like, don't hide behind it. Like that's what you're going to do, I'm like, okay, so it was very like a passion of like. I love that. Why didn't you tell me I should have known? And if this is what you're going to, do it and don't be ashamed about it. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I just like, okay, god Thanks, I love it Like. Cause I feel like what's so funny is I feel like, especially back in like my high school days, like just being able to like coming in just so much more knowledge Cause. First off, very much for a very young age, I feel like the gay community was like my community, like, even though I'm not gay, I just felt like these are my people and I used to, um, I used to love watching um, let me see so Noah's Ark. I want to say I was like 12 or 13 when Noah's Ark, when I, when they first kind of came on the scene and I was like flipping, kind of like through channels, I'm like, oh, this is and it was literally, you know like get a black gay girlfriend.
Speaker 2:And it was like, oh my God, this is so good, oh my God, this is such a good show.
Speaker 2:And I remember like the logo channel was just like a whole thing and I used to just love watching Noah's Ark and I remember, um, when RuPaul's Drag Race first started and I was like, oh my God, this is so glamorous and so beautiful and so and I know that I feel like I went through like a um you know a few different phases I raise. Obviously everyone goes through like a bunch of phases. But um, just you know how, you have one of those not feeling like you beautiful or not feeling like cute or none of that, and it's just like, well, I can't do that.
Speaker 2:I'm not one of those girls that can do makeup and that's not for me Like you know, but then like RuPaul's Drag Race, like the way how inspirational everyone was to each other and how they just be, like this is for that kid that don't know that you can shine, and you look when he do, like, yeah, like it was. Like, literally, that show was just like it would just give me so much life, like I just, oh, shout out to room.
Speaker 2:I'm a room cause like it's so much for me, and like RuPaul also did, like a lot of um, like get stars on a lot of 90 shows. Like um. So I thought that was really inspirational too. It was just like just being able to like if they could see the beauty and femininity in femininity. I, it helped me to see the beauty and femininity and it was like oh, oh, it's like candy Okay, fabulous Okay.
Speaker 2:I can't do this. Okay, I can't do like. Um, you know how they used to always like every season. They would always do a challenge when they would make over like regular people and like give them some like extra and the way the people would just be feeling after.
Speaker 1:Okay, oh. I've been so old Cause you got to like you got that beats.
Speaker 2:Uh, good wig, it does something to you, you know, so like it was the first time I got a drag, I would be grateful for the drag community Cause.
Speaker 1:Well, for one, I went through a period where I thought I was trans. Um, I was very. I was like 18, 19, it was, and that's usually around the time when you have an identity crisis and I was desperately going through, like who am I, what am I, what am I going to do, I don't know. And I kind of leaned into my femininity and I was just like well, maybe I'm trans, like I don't know, I am feminine and I do like a lot of girl things, maybe cause I think I'm wrong that time Like I knew what trans was like.
Speaker 1:Trans was kind of like more becoming like a you know cave, and Jenner had just been her little high and she was like oh okay, I'm like hmm, maybe I am trans, I don't know. Maybe I'm a man, I don't know. I don't know. I like the hair and the outfit. I like the hair, they are beautiful and I don't know. So I kind of went down that rabbit hole. I started.
Speaker 1:I started I started to get into the kind of went down that rabbit hole. I started looking stuff up, doing research, and then I'm like, okay, well, this is something I'm going to do, I'm going to do it. So I started going to counseling for you to go to counseling and get approved for the hormones and I did like at least three counseling sessions at that point. And through that, well then I started befriending. I had befriended someone who also was going through. He had went through that experience and he was around the same time I did he's a lot older than me.
Speaker 1:And I had connected with him and he just started like kind of like telling me like why do you feel like you should be trans? I'm like I don't know, I feel like where my life is headed I guess.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I'm just like this is what I'm supposed to do. Natural, for real.
Speaker 1:And he just like he just will always be telling me like no, like he will just always be like I don't think that's what you want to do, like maybe he just I'm like you stupid. No, this is what I'm doing. I'm going to be trans, like I'm a woman, like you know, and so. But I started because I've always been a fan of, like therapy and psychology and, you know, mental work. Like I was interested in knowing why people did the thing that they did and, through me going through counseling and just always doing my own, I guess, set a council for myself.
Speaker 1:I just was like, once I got to a point of the surgeries, I started thinking, okay, I'll have to get this surgery, this surgery. And I'm like, do I really want to do this? Do I really want to? And I thought I kept thinking like if it was something that was definite, I wouldn't have to question it. And I started to question like a lot of things, like do I want to get this? Should I do this? Like I don't know how that's going to look or I don't know if that's right. And I just started questioning the whole thing and I'm like, well, this is something that was definitely. I wouldn't question it Like I would. It'll be innate Like I'm going to do this no questions asked, and I didn't feel that way.
Speaker 2:I feel like every trans individual that I've like known or have heard from interactive it. It's always like literally the same. Like I know I'm in the wrong body. And so they see, the surgery is like okay, this is like. I'm going to be able to finally correct what I see is incorrect. You know, what I'm saying Like, bring me to. This is how my narrative this is the correcting the narrative. So, I feel like if a lesson feel like that, you ain't trans.
Speaker 1:And it really got to like once because I was into like, okay, I'm going to get my titties done, get a little body work, I think real cute. But once it got to, if I was going to keep my penis in it, I was like, hmm, I don't know, like I'm going to keep my. Then I was in also at that time getting introduced to TS Madison and she still has her, and I was like I guess I could be like a TS Madison, like she didn't cut her off and but I knew of, I started learning of some trans women who that was like you know, they got the whole thing done, like the way they fix, done that vagina now. And I once I looked up you know you can find everything on YouTube I started looking up the procedure and how to do it and I was like, oh, okay, so that you can't reverse that. That's, that's definitely that's that.
Speaker 1:And I'm like I don't know how those work. I've only had a penis my whole life. I don't know how to. Then I start thinking like sex. I'm like I know how to work out and feel.
Speaker 1:I'm like I don't know what that would feel like. I don't know, like would it be the same, would it be different? So what happened? Like if it happens. And then I'm like, once I started doing that, I'm like, oh, maybe I don't want to be trans, maybe, and then I started thinking like why can still be who I am and still live in my authentic self and just be the version of me? I want to be Like I'm like this was grabbed to nothing and just do what the fuck I want to do.
Speaker 2:And then that's when I found drag.
Speaker 1:And I was like started, why was always in school, Was drag, was just because there was only gay thing and I was on TV and stuff. So I leaned into that a lot, since he's one and then.
Speaker 2:but but then I started thinking like I could do drag.
Speaker 1:And then the very first time I did drag what. What very first time the girl did what had my makeup done. It was an experience.
Speaker 2:I was like because one.
Speaker 1:I think I was always curious if I did transition. What that person? Would have been, and so I always kept her like in my heart, like she's always like, she's like right beside my younger self, my baby's kind of be chilling with each other. And so once, like, I got my makeup done, I did the whole thing and I see myself, I'm like, oh, this is Kendra, like cause I always gave her name and her name was Kendra.
Speaker 2:I was like I was going to change my name.
Speaker 1:It was going to be Kendra, so I saw every Kendra I knew was pretty it was a pretty name.
Speaker 1:I'm like I'm Kendra. And when I see myself I'm like oh so this is Kendra. Okay, girl, you're well-pissed. And I think I always just kind of like live through that. I lean into her a little bit sometimes. Like she didn't get to, I feel like she didn't get her chance to flourish, like I guess I gave her a soul, like I feel like she didn't get her chance to like really be what she wanted to be. So in some ways, like I'll dress up and do things and like on my own time, be like I'm just like Kendra Lee and have her moment of. I'll have her little moment to shine.
Speaker 2:And so yeah, so this is the other thing I love about like drag and things like that, like there ain't no rules like, or even being gay like, it ain't no rules to it.
Speaker 1:Like you, can you?
Speaker 2:can be still masculine or still feminine, or you can be non-binary, or you can be. Hey, I know I'm good, I'm they them like. Don't you know what I'm saying? This is cool, but don't address me as sir or madam. Address me as captain.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I don't know, Like I just I love that too and I feel like that gave me freedom in a sense as well and it just made me want to like fight and go hard for like the community. And I feel like by the time when I was like in high school and like verbalized online and having different opinions and stuff like that, especially like that in my parents and being just being like well, no, I feel like it ain't nothing wrong with gay people.
Speaker 2:Why do you think that that's an issue with that Like, just like actually speaking up about stuff like that?
Speaker 2:I think they thought that I was gay because, like it was a period like they I don't know what they was thinking they was like we don't know. We're like. I know I wore a mohawk for 10 years Like I didn't bring nobody home, like my ex was the only person that I had brought home. Like even though I had like dealings with other people, it was just like he was the only person that I had just brought home. This was way before that and I remember they was like having a conversation. One day they must have not known I was in like the next room because I was like in there watching TV and they were like do you think that? Listen? You know, I don't think so. I don't know why would you ask that? And it's like they really going to date and talking about this. I mean I don't know she just being. I mean you know how she, she wears her hair. So different.
Speaker 2:sometimes she don't bring nobody home, I don't know. And I'm in the next room like I can hear you, I can hear you and I just think it's to this day. It's just so funny to me because I'm like, I'm just like, I'm literally not gay, but I just I will ride for what's right.
Speaker 1:Like.
Speaker 2:I just feel like it's not cool, and especially when people try to get no offense but people try to get biblical with it, Like well, man, should I not play with that? That's the most high, because me and my mama we had gotten into it with that one because I was okay with it. I was like I got a tattoo and she was like, okay, well, she's like, that's fine. You know tattoos and stuff and I'm like, okay, but also, when you pierce her ears, is that not marking your body?
Speaker 2:And she's like, well, you know, no, not taking you know what I'm saying, but it is because there's a mark there that wasn't there that you know what I'm saying, so like are we splitting hairs or like well, let's talk about what the semantics of it is, because you can't just make it like, oh, it applied here, but oh, the stuff about pork, that don't apply, no more here. But this stuff about the Sabbath, that I'm fine, no more. All stuff over here, this apply, you know. I'm saying like you can't do that like cuz, realistically and the way I heard it, which makes sense to me, if it was that big of a deal, why is it not one of the ten commandments? That's true. Why is it not like the 11th commandment in number 11 is man shall not lie with man as he lies with woman? Then I can see if you would be like, hey, now that's one of the big 11, you know that's not.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying, even then, you still shouldn't shame people into behavior that you feel is acceptable, because that's not okay, because who are you to judge anybody about how they live their life in any way? Mm-hmm, but it. If it was that big a deal, why is it not the 11 commandments? And then that's just on the list and that's on there, and hey, that's the big no-no right under there. Don't kill, don't be a need to like.
Speaker 1:I mean I just hate. I hate the way to media, I Hate to things and it's so irresponsible because I feel like they only do it to Distract from what's the real issue and within that, y'all are also causing division, in Homes one, and in public life. You're causing division, unknown Well, probably knowingly. I mean, I'm not knowingly, because knowingly, because this is a it's I even I just so mad I can't talk. Okay, it's intentional, yeah, and Like they would piss me off so bad because the more clear sign that the shit was happening was the wind.
Speaker 1:The whole school shootings were on a rise and Instead of because the conversation was easily turning to, we know, get rid of guns and where I issue needs to overturn me, to make more rules that the book. So to distract from that, they started saying they made a big issue of drag queens reading to children for one or People bringing their children to drag shows and have to get rid of drag show because these are the real threats. They just drafted the whole talk from gun, getting rid of gun violence and getting ready guns and turned it to oboe. These are the real problems is these drafts.
Speaker 2:We can't let our children go to the drag show like the fashion things, unnecessarily try to create a stigma and they constantly do that.
Speaker 1:when it's something that's a press issue, that should something needs to be done about it, they distract with a gay issue at the same thing with Muslims and terrorism. And they do it with black people too, and I guess a constant and it's so irresponsible.
Speaker 2:It's literally like you're reporting things in a certain way. That causes a stigma. You're attaching ideals and ideas to certain things and they're not true.
Speaker 2:And, unfortunately, like a majority of the world, believes everything that's reported on the news, everything that's posted online, and they believe it and the interesting thing about that is that most people don't realize that the news, they think that the news is supposed to be unbiased, but any news outlet can have an agenda. Every news outlet has an agenda, because the news is actually an acronym that stands for noteworthy events, weather and sports. So what you and your station and your producer and your owner, you all feel are noteworthy events. You're gonna report on those and what you think that they are, and you're spent on it and your idea about it. So again, attaching ideas to a group of people or things to create a stigma, it's not cool.
Speaker 1:You know, side knows and remember what gave me inside of how the media works. And he probably wasn't the intention of the show, but I took a lot being a dream. Okay, the way that shit. Oh, it gave you such an insight on how the me, how the media and the news work like the shit that they would do.
Speaker 2:I'm like this is exactly like this is how shit really be, so this is why.
Speaker 1:It gave me such an insight on how she, how the news is ran.
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh yeah, I completely understand and agree because, oh they, it's, it's. And that's why it's funny to me that, like when I hear news or things on social media, mm-hmm, that's why I hear it first there's something to happen. And then I'd be like dang what? And then go to Google it and then go to find like dang Wow, I have a splitting and have, oh, dang Wow, there is People lost in a submarine under the water, oh wow people did go to space.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow these things are happening. Canada's on fire. It's been on fire for more than weeks, like you know what I'm saying. So, but wildfires, I imagine it's hard to tame or you got.
Speaker 1:How does a wildfire start? Um, I Always picture a cigarette in the forest.
Speaker 2:I somebody was smoking Be quite honest, I did watch a documentary and they were talking about how Native Americans, like indigenous people, used to actually in some parts of America they were actually set controlled fires, hmm, as a way to it was it had something to do with Keeping the ecosystem going. You know what I'm saying. There was something like that. Like this is something maybe that's like in some areas a natural occurrence of wildfire needs to happen. Hmm, to kind of clear, and I don't know the details, I am very much paraphrasing all of this, but I Do believe that that was actually a thing where, like, they would set controlled fires to kind of help with the ecosystem. There was, it was a something, hmm. So I learned that that was pretty cool. So it kind of makes sense. The wildfires or they, maybe, if they just be spontaneously happening or it just be so dry over there, then you know the weather conditions. Just you know, squirrel jumped off too fast, I don't know.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I don't know it could be anything, you know, because I do feel you on that smoking the bearish, it just be thinking like oh you careless cad, how you gonna throw out your, your unlit cigarettes and that's how I always think wildfires happen.
Speaker 1:As soon as I hear wildfire, I'm like oh, somebody flick, they stick right off.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, like it starts with you, like I understand that that condition to me deep. I'm saying um what?
Speaker 2:but back to you know, queer matters. Yeah, I Love their representation for gay people has Expanded exponentially and elevated In the time that we've been like kids I mean in adults, because, like when I was a kid it was stuff like he was either the saty gay friend there was, um, it Was the stereotypical, like over-the-top gay, or it was the low-key choir director type gay. Or there was the white, white feminine gay, the you know studdish, like Lesbian, white gay, like you know that oh, we're secret, secret lovers, like that type of like she is Right, or Ellen, I know that was like a thing, um, and it was, it was stuff like that. You only had like those few, like little instances. But, like now, I love that we have so much, there's so much Representation, and the part that irritates me is how people try to make it seem like, oh, there's an agenda. They try to make everybody gay and and that's not actually true, really what? It is just representation, everybody wants to be seen everybody want to see be seen on the big screen, just like um.
Speaker 2:People in wheelchairs want to see themselves. They want to see characters portray with dignity on screen in a wheelchair, people with um. That's why X-Men was like a big deal with you know, charles Xavier. You know I'm saying like that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:People want to be able to be see themselves depicted in a positive light and there's nothing wrong with that, and I feel like we should be able to see gay love story, we should be able to see gay comedies, we should be able to see um, gay horror, gay Sci-fi, like all the things like, or whatever, or just being seen people be included in a way that's not comical, in a way that's portrayed with dignity in merging these characters into these universes, because they exist, they exist.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy that the way the world is now with the representation of gay kids, I'm envious of the kids that get to grow up in this well, kids aren't a detriment right now but I am envious at the um representation that they get to see and I'm not in. This is I'm like damn. When I was growing up, you didn't have no, no clue, no people to look to, nothing. It was just like there was no representation.
Speaker 1:And like black representation that's why I feel like I give myself chair of laser rights, because I was definitely a feminine gay man boy Teen and I didn't care yeah once I came out, I just was like. I had a sense of like I'm good, the fuck I want to do and you don't like it. You don't like it. If you do, you do, I'm gonna fuck, but this is why I am I love it I was just honey down here, whatever kind of I wanted doing.
Speaker 1:I was doing whatever I wanted to do and I didn't know how. Nobody talked about it. Yeah, that's tough. Coming from a definitely a urban Surrounding, that's very bold and very Courageous. But I was a bold and courageous bitch and I just was like I Was ready for whatever. Whatever was gonna come from me. Being my authentic self, I was willing to fight and lay down the law. I was willing and ready to lay down for it.
Speaker 2:I didn't care like Whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen, and I don't care like but I think, being, I think being that, being authentic and choosing to live your life for you and do what you want, as you like and how you want it, that takes a lot of balls anyway, like anybody on anything like on any level. It take a lot anyway because, like you ever been to, like, you've got like the ball or something like that, or like specifically like greenfield plaza, something like that, and you see, like, whatever the season is, you can just see like on me is just walking around with like the same outfit on Actually like, don't let it be fall.
Speaker 2:Everyone's got on the plat button With whatever jeans are in style and they're in Berlin's and everybody just like. They literally just look like little copies of each other. And like and that's why we, you see, like the punk rock black guy that's like got his like oversized jeans, yeah, chain wallet and stuff like they see him. You can be like you gonna look at him twice.
Speaker 1:Like you know what I'm saying? It was like dang okay.
Speaker 2:And it's not to say that, like all of the brohams that all got the stuff all on the same and everybody is like the same. But it's very weird to me how, like a lot of black men like look to other like black men to see like, oh, is this okay, is this cool or is this da da, da, da da. Cause, like even with like Diane O'Hare, like how you saying Diane O'Hare, niggas, straight niggas, wasn't on that until, like you know, wiz Khalifa said it's cool, odell Beckham said it's cool, sada Baby says it's cool.
Speaker 1:Now, okay, I now, I want to do it.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying Lil Yachty says it's cool, I can do it, I can dye my hair now. But, like, realistically, if you wanted to do that, you could have just did that. That's why, like this one dude, when I was in the fourth grade he was a year older than Earth. I was in third grade, he was a year older than me in the fourth grade and he had like dyed his hair like platinum blonde. I thought that shit was so cool. I was like, ah, he is, he is fire, that's shit, that's shit. Aw, he's there. I was like I can do that. Oh, but it's just.
Speaker 2:It's crazy to me how, like a lot of them just like really are not comfortable with stepping outside of the box or like having their own style or like, okay, well, those, those ain't those, those, those not the ones, or whatever, like you know what I'm saying. But like a nigga that can come put outfit together and it's just like flying fresh fuck and I don't know what it is or where it is, but just how he got it laid and slayed and doing the things like that is indicative of personality and I feel like with it's almost closely related to a gender identity Because, like, in expressing yourself and being able to just be like this is me. It takes a level of like getting to know yourself and being willing to be like I want to break through this and I, this is how I wanted it, this is how I want to show up and this is how I'm about to do it and like I can say it. It takes courage. It takes a lot of courage and confidence to get to that level.
Speaker 1:And I feel like I used to probably like, when I think about my younger self or my teenage self, I don't know what I feel like. I don't know where a lot of that came from. I mean, I do think a lot of it came from always living my life how other people wanted me to live my life and always being told what to do. And I just got to a point where I was like what the fuck I'm through with, the fuck I want to do, and I'm living for me, Like no, I'm gonna do what I want to do. Same man I was just. I was just like mm-mm, do what the fuck I want. Cause what did the lecture say?
Speaker 2:Like I know our presence scares you because we've fought for our way to be here and that makes us stronger than you'll ever be Like you know what I'm saying. Like it really takes a lot to be able to like pull yourself up and out to a place where you can rise and express yourself. Okay, yes, rise up and do the things, express yourself and express yourself.
Speaker 1:Like I want to say I have thought, like with children, cause I know it's, always I had a fear, cause I remember I didn't want a son. I never wanted, I was always wanted daughters. And then I'm like, cause I felt like when I felt like me, if I did have a son, we wouldn't relate I'm like what are we gonna? I'm not, we're not gonna want to do the same thing, cause I feel like he's definitely gonna get sick of me and like you're, like my daddy gay, like I'm gonna get on my mother's back, I'm gonna get on my mother's back, but then I'm like, but then I didn't want to influence on my cause, not even to say that being gay is a negative.
Speaker 1:But I think I knew, I know the like, I know how the world will, the struggles that come with being gay is not something that you want to purposely sign up for. Indulge in. That's why, when people like it's not a choice I would choose to do, to live a harder life Like come on now. Like I would obviously choose a easier basic. Our name will say basic. How more easier. Don't call me basic.
Speaker 2:That was a federal sexual, I had to remember.
Speaker 1:Not basic, but just a regular life. I would choose to live an easy life and just go with the flow, Cause I didn't. I think I didn't want to influence my kids either, which I would obviously embrace them if they were, if that was an authentic choice, Cause I was my son. I want to get into ballet, dance or whatever the fuck you want to do. I'm gonna.
Speaker 2:Whatever my kids doing, I'm coming with a straight, like you know what I'm saying and like you know cause it's straight male ballet dancers, like I think that's the other thing that like where we mishandle each other as humans, when we misgender things. You know what I'm saying. We needlessly apply gender to things that don't have no gender.
Speaker 2:A talk of truck is a toy. If a kid want to play with it, they want to play with it cause it's a toy. It don't matter if it's a girl or if it's a boy, like if it's a kitchen. If it's a play kitchen, the kids gonna want to play with it because they see their parent more than likely in the kitchen cooking and doing the things they're gonna want to imitate in their play what they see. If it's Barbies and it's people little people they see that it's people. Of course people are gonna want to play with it because you're imitating oh, you could be bomb and this is gonna be the the auntie. You know we're gonna imitate the life that we see, like I don't understand why it's a thing, even with like sports, like if you want to throw the ball and get muddy you want to throw the ball and get muddy.
Speaker 2:It's some people that just don't like that and it's some people that love that shit. They do it, and they do it with a smile on their face, like it is. Activities are just activities, and because we needlessly misgender things. It's just another reason to try to create division. It's just like oh, y'all don't do that.
Speaker 2:Boys don't do that, we don't do that, the girls don't do that, we don't. Da, da, da da. And that's not true because everybody can do anything Like it's literally when you hold your soul back with stuff like that, you miss out on so many different opportunities and experiences and chances of a lifetime that you never even know or even think because you too busy over here talking about. Well, this is don't wear, wear purple. Back in my day we ain't wearing purple, so we ain't. I ain't about to go in there. My team got me wearing the purple shirt. Da, da, da, da da.
Speaker 2:Now you the missed out on the whole field day, adventure day or whatever, because you don't want to wear purple. Like hug, grow up. Like it's just, it's stuff that's like you don't want your kid to have domestic skills. Like, let your kid play with that kitchen. Let your kid play with that that clean up set. Let your kid play with that little room and mop. You don't understand. Like, let them kids play with that barbeque. You don't want your kids to have emotional intelligence. You don't want them to know how they react, how people react and react off of each other and do the things like let your kid play with the things that they express interest in, because I promise you you keep not allowing them to do that. They gonna express interest in not being around, joe ass one day?
Speaker 1:Okay, cause this is gonna speak to do it and I'm gonna go off doing it.
Speaker 2:That exactly Because I would love to raise the next, uh, michael Kors, or the next, uh, fucking Rupaul. Rupaul you know what I'm saying, like because that's lit you. You know you do your thing as long as you live your dream and going for what it is that you want to do, mm-hmm, I'm here for it. Do your thing, raise the roof, I'm gonna bring my sign. I'm good for a sign.
Speaker 1:Okay, damn the whisper.
Speaker 2:Okay, hey, we in the thing.
Speaker 1:That's my son, that's my daughter.
Speaker 2:That's my day, then that's my child. Okay, that's my human child that I birthed, and that's how they want to be. That's they pronouns. So fuck you. Ha ha, ha ha. So, um, be here, be queer. Okay, be proud Be all that you want to be and I'm, and fuck these people.
Speaker 1:Okay, do what you want to do. Live your life how you want to live your life. It's your life to live. You might as well live it happy. Do one of the things you want to do, the things they enjoy, that you enjoy.
Speaker 2:And at the end of the day, don't nobody really know what happened after we died, until we die. So I mean, do what you do and when you make your maker on the other side, as long as you would be a good person, had a good heart, I'm sure you get to where it is that you need to be, or, at the very worst case, we just gonna be dead under somewhere.
Speaker 1:So Okay, fuck.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I hope you happy pride to you all, I hope y'all enjoyed the pride month. I hope y'all you know have the strength to hold on. If you in a place where it ain't safe, I have the strength to keep breakthrough. If you feel like you wanted to come out or do the things, just being able to live your life, and also the strength to just you know exist in how you are, you don't have to make no announcement, you don't have to be no spectacle of yourself.
Speaker 2:It can be however you want to be, because it's your life and it's how you choose to live it. So you don't even need to have a label, you don't have to go to no parade or no cry. You can just wear it in your heart and wear it with a smile, even a Swiss secret smile to yourself every day like, yeah, I got this to me. If you do that, I hope you did that for yourself this month.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that's all I got what you got Just be you and fucking fucking. Okay, that's all I got.
Speaker 2:I heard that Well until next time, truth lovers and Shayseekers, this has been Truth and Shay with Alyssa and Shay. Bye.