CAN Talk Episode 2: Reframing Cancer with Guest Tara Coyote

CAN Talk Episode 2 with special guest Tara Coyote, author of Grace, Grit & Gratitude: A Cancer Thriver’s Journey from Hospice to full Recovery with the Healing Power of Horses.

Dr. Elisa and Tara discuss: 

2:00 *her journey with Stage 4 MBC 

5:30 *her decision to embrace conventional treatments after being an outspoken proponent of natural healing 

10:48 *advice for others who are unsure about what treatment path to pursue

13:04 *how to reframe a “terminal” diagnosis to truly focus on healing.

18:03 *Tara explains how the Mesopotamian Goddess Inanna helped her and 

21:02 ends with a short but profound meditation where she guides you on your own journey into the depths of the shadow in order to re-emerge whole and revitalized.

27:09 minutes total

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to the CAN Talk, CAN Thrive podcast where we examine how to shift our mindset around cancer from fear to freedom and joy. My name is Dr. Elisa Audo-Beliov please join me and my guests as we explore reclaiming reframing and renaming cancer. I am thrilled to share that today we are joined by powerhouse cancer thriver and author extraordinaire Tara Coyote. Hi, Tara. Aloha. Thank you for having me here. Tara, like me, lives on Kauai and she is a life coach and owns the Wind Horse Sanctuary, which is a horse retreat center. I have one of her t shirts here. And she is a certified equine facilitated learning teacher over the years. She has guided hundreds of people with private sessions, group workshops, and grief rituals with horses. Tara has also been journeying with late stage breast cancer since September, 2016, and has been publicly sharing her journey on social media. She is the author of grace, Grit, and Gratitude: A Cancer Triver's Journey from Hospice to Full Recovery with the Healing Power of Horses, which has been a number one bestseller on Amazon and is now available as an audio book. So check it out. It's a memoir about overcoming adversity and I devoured it. I seriously could not put it down. I read it straight through on a flight and I usually just watch movies the whole time. So that is how good this book is, it's the kind of book where you read and you feel like you and the author are BFFs, like you've shared some history. So after I read it, I actually reached out to Tara. And I feel so blessed to say that we, she and I have become friends in real life here on Kauai as well. So such a blessing. Welcome Tara. I'm so happy to have you join CANTalk and please tell us a little bit about your journey with breast cancer. Sure. Yes. Well, thank you so much for having me. Yes. So I was diagnosed with stage three hormone 2016. My best friend had just died one year previously from acute myeloid leukemia. And I had a lot of trauma about being in the hospital with her for months at end while she went through endless treatments. And so when I was told that they wanted to treat me doing chemo surgery and radiation, I ran the total opposite and said I'm going to do a hundred percent natural, which is what I did for many, many years. Spent lots of money, tried everything and then at a certain point, a very stressful incident occurred. I was living in Northern California. I ran a horse retreat center and I had to sell my horse retreat center. And, the cancer spread throughout my body, went from my breast to my lung, my liver, my spine, my adrenal gland, and, my hip. So basically throughout my body and, I decided to move home to Kauai, Hawaii, where my dad is from. In the winter of 2019, I was in a very bad space. I was referred to hospice and, I was coughing so much. I had so much cancer in my lungs. I could not hold a conversation. I had to sit up to sleep for two months because I would gag in my sleep. I was walking with a cane because my left hip was breaking and they were very kind here in Kauai and they said basically, you know, we know you don't want to do chemo, but you might have a chance of living here and I knew I was dying. I was losing weight. I had all the signs of decline. So I decided to face my fear and my son was 26 at the time and I really didn't want to leave him without a mama because I'd seen so many friends, you know, pass sadly from adhering from to a total natural treatment. And so I did nine months of chemotherapy during that time. I almost died a few times. My left hip did end up breaking. I had emergency double hip surgery, which was very challenging. I had to learn to walk again. And I finished treatment in February, 2020 with amazing results. I still had cancer, but it had shrunk dramatically. And, I also want to say during that time of doing chemo, I still kept up my natural treatments, doing lots of herbs and, vitamin and mineral infusions. And that was very important to me to keep my immune system strong. And I did a lot of like mental clearing and internal healing. That's all in my book, but, it wasn't just treatment, but I'm grateful for the treatment. So that was, over three years ago, I finished treatment and I just got the wonderful news this past fall that I was NED, no evidence of disease, which was an amazing miracle to hear. I never thought I'd hear those words and yeah, I'm just so grateful to be alive and taking care of horses and living my life. That's my story in a nutshell. Well, thank you. And for anyone who is not visiting us from Kauai, those are our adorable roosters in the background that are just saying right on, Tara. So, thank you so much for sharing. I know you have a wealth of resources about what you did with your natural healing journey as well. And so there are lots of places where people can look you up on social media and learn more about you. I know you have an exciting story extensive YouTube page as well. So if people are interested, they can learn. Of course, they can read your book. You know, one thing that I found so notable with your journey is that you were super committed to this natural healing path and very open about it on social media so I know that it you said it was an adjustment for you to accept that there was a point where it wasn't working. And I think you said the doctor said, well, you could you could live, you know, so you referred to hospice. What, what had to shift in you. Internally, for you to embrace conventional treatment. Yes, that's a great question. I really had to shift my terror around chemotherapy because I was in the public eye before, so committed to natural treatment and I've been sharing chemo kills, chemo kills. So I had to get really humble and be like, okay guys, I know I said I wasn't going to do this, but I am now going to do this treatment that I was talking about before. So I really had to shift. my fear around the treatment and think of it instead of it being poison to it being a healing elixir. And I did a lot of Byron Katie actually to shift my thinking around that. I worked with my dear friend, Bethany Webb. She helped me immensely. And, yeah, I really embrace it and think of it as a healing elixir rather than something that was just gonna annihilate me. So I can't emphasize the importance of your thoughts and how you think of things. It really makes a huge difference. Absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing. And Bethany Webb is the author of My Guru Cancer, which I learned about from you. Actually, hopefully she will be a guest on this podcast soon as well. And I know I'm familiar with the work of Byron Katie. You and I both lived in the Bay area and Byron Katie was very big there. And, I'm so happy that those questions helped you. For those of you who aren't familiar, gosh, off the top of my head, I know the very first one is. Is it true? So let's say you, you have a statement, maybe that statement for you was, chemo is poison or chemo kills, and then, you ask, is it true? And then the next question is, let's say you say, yes, yes, chemo is poison. And the next question would be, can you absolutely know that it is true? And I feel like it's through this self inquiry process, we really discover that there's possibilities, you know, and I feel like that's maybe. That helped you open up perhaps is what I'm hearing you say to saying, okay, I had to, I had to adjust my viewpoint from chemo kills and it's poison to actually this is my healing elixir and this could really save me and there are there are other possibilities out there. Exactly, exactly. Yeah. And then once I shifted that I was getting the chemo and fusions just think like, okay, this is healing elixir, rather than fearing it but it took a lot of mental energy and it's still does walking with cancer, you know, as you know, so well, it's a daily check into what is real and not to be pulled into the fear that can manifest with this path. Absolutely. And I also heard you say that you were really drawn by the love for your son too. And so it's almost like there's fear and then there's love. And I feel like there's a point where you're like, okay, yeah. I fear, maybe I fear what chemo can do, but I have so much love and I'm going to go on that path. I wonder if you can share anything about that. Yeah. Well, one of my, my statements I say I got printed on t shirts with mermaids is, choose love over fear. And that's been something that has been my guiding light for the last seven and a half years or so That there's always a choice, you know, it's it's all about energy. It sounds woo, but it's it's you know, this is very true. We all have a choice in every moment to choose You know an expansive way of being if something happens we can choose to fear it and contract or we can choose a path of expansion and acceptance and of love and positivity And i'm not saying to bypass the fear because it's very important to look at the fear But to acknowledge it and see what message it has and then let it go and then rise back up to love again. So yeah, that's so helpful and it still is to this day. I really reside in that way of being and it helps me tremendously. And I love that how you're not just negating fear and doing it, but you're saying, okay, I see you. I know that this is a real thing, like, and I'm going to address you, but you're not going to control me. Like I'm going to, I'm going to be pulled up towards love. I thank you for explaining that. That's beautiful. Yeah, it's part of the horse work we teach actually to acknowledge the emotions that come up because emotions have valuable information, but get the message and then metaphorically go back to grazing, you know, horse term. I love it. I love that. Thank you for sharing. Yeah, that's beautiful. And I feel like there are so many people who are in this situation where, you know, they have to make these choices, whether you're going to do conventional treatment or natural treatments or, or whatnot. And You know, there is a lot of fear around it. What advice would you give to people who are questioning whether or not they want to pursue Western medicine or a natural treatment path? I encourage people to really tune in to what their intuition and their gut instinct wants to do. You know, there's so many contrasting viewpoints from family, friends, the medical system. It's very overwhelming and confusing when you're diagnosed, you know, people will be like, Oh, do this, this will heal you. Everybody wants to help and they don't really know what to say or do. So I would highly encourage if you're recently diagnosed or confused to go into your heart and really tune to what is true for me, you know, and to follow that because you have to believe in whatever treatment you're doing, because you're like we're talking about if you're fearing it, it's less likely to work. So, you know, to, to really feel into what's right for you, whether it's natural or or conventional, I really believe in integrative like both paths are valid and obviously I'm still alive telling my story so it worked for me, but you know what worked for me might not work for somebody else and vice versa. So you really have to be true and whatever path you choose and make an informed decision to the best of your ability. I love that. I love that you're basically telling people to rely on their own instincts because we know sometime, you know, and if the path that we've gone on, like you, for example, went natural healing, there was a, there was a time when you said, okay, now I'm going to shift and just listen to that voice and it's okay that we change our minds. I think that the crux of the issue is really that you believe in it, that you believe that it's going to help you, that it's going to heal you. Because if you don't believe then it's less likely to be effective for you. So thank you for sharing that. Of course, of course. So, sorry, go ahead. Oh, I just said you got to believe it. Gotta believe. I love it. Maybe that's another t shirt coming down the pike for you. Or bumper sticker. Who knows? Yeah. So I know, you're active on social media and you're on different platforms and you have been sharing your message, which is very positive. Recently you had a post go somewhat viral about your thoughts around a terminal diagnosis. And, you got a lot of really positive feedback around that there was just a little bit of backlash, which I feel like there's always backlash on social media. Someone always has a different opinion. But I, I wonder if you would share your thoughts around what happened there. Sure. Yes, I just spontaneously made a video because I had read an article where somebody was talking about journeying with stage four cancer, talking about how she was dying, and she might well have been dying. But I read that and said, okay, well, I'm walking with stage four cancer, but I really pay attention to what I'm thinking. So my whole trajectory is to think I'm healthy, I'm healing. I don't linger in the thoughts of stage four cancer and I'm dying. You know, we all are dying in some level, you know, life is a terminal diagnosis. So I made a video just speaking about that. And to choose your thoughts wisely and how you think of yourself. Are you healing or are you sick? That sort of thing. Yeah, it was a very spontaneous video and it just went crazy wild on Tik TOK and Instagram. And like you said, I got a lot of positive feedback when then somebody had contrary opinions, which like you said. Not everybody's going to agree with you and like you and that's okay. But, yeah, it's really to think about our thoughts, because I could, you know, if I look up my statistics for living I'm already way past what they predicted, but I don't look up those timelines or prognosis because It's just depressing. I like to think of myself beyond that. Like, I am not statistic and I'm not terminal, Absolutely. It's almost like, giving yourself a deadline or something, even the word"dead-line..." I think in the video you used, why would I, why would I put that on myself? Why would I put that title of terminal on myself? Like, why would my body take that in? It's almost like if you accept that, then you're not able to focus on the healing. And what you want to do is focus on the healing and the thriving and not the terminal or incurable or whatever that word may be. And I think one of the people who responded saying, that you had said that you were cured and you never said you were cured. And it was also just the idea of, Oh, it can be dangerous. It can be dangerous. for people who have a terminal illness to think that they're not terminal. And that's an interesting thought. Oh no, it can be dangerous for you to think that you are curable. Because you're not. Whereas the idea is, but why would I want my body to accept that? Because if I accept that, well, then that's more likely to happen. And I want to focus on the healing. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. It's these, these boxes we put on ourselves and titles and such. Yeah. You're choosing to limit yourself or not by the way you're thinking of it. Yes, choosing to limit yourself. And it's almost something that I feel like has been put on us by the medical world for their purposes to help doctors. Even the word terminal. I feel like it's not about the person and the disease, but I feel like it's a word that has been chosen because the treatment options have ended. So it's the treatment. I mean, that's how I like to see it. It's like, Oh, those treatment options that the doctors are aware of, those aren't available right now, but that doesn't mean that there are other options that maybe the doctor hasn't explored or that haven't been quite approved yet, maybe they're in a clinical trial. So it doesn't mean that all the options. have terminated. And it certainly doesn't mean that a person has terminated, or is terminal. Sometimes I just feel like the language that the medical community uses and they put on people who are dealing with cancer aren't helpful for our healing. Yeah, well said. And I really believe we humans have so much potential. I mean, you look at the work of Joe Dispenza, the infinite power of healing. I mean, whether it be cancer or arthritis, and I'm not negating a physical condition because, you know, I've dealt with this in my body, so I know what's real. But, you know, to really tap into that infinite potential of healing, which all stems from the mind, we could really go much farther than our limited brain can even conceive of. So I encourage people to open up to that possibility because it's Yeah. Yes. Great recommendation for Dr. Joe Dispenza's work. It's fascinating and very expansive as well. so thank you. So people can check that out. Another thing that I just wanted to call attention to is, so in your book, Grace, Grit and Gratitude, you weave the story about a goddess named Inanna. And could you explain a little bit about Inanna and who she was and how she helped you in your journey? Thank you. Of course. I think I have this page marked. This is a great goddess, Inanna. She's a 5, 000 year old Mesopotamian goddess. She's one of the first recorded goddesses. And she's a great metaphor for diving into the darkness and coming into the light again. And a lot of the stories about, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars has been based on this metaphor, even, you know, Jesus dies and is reborn. So it's touched upon in so many different cultures, but the whole idea and why I wove her into my book is that as cancer journeyers or anybody on a difficult path for that reason, it's necessary to sacrifice things that aren't working for you, whether they be: relationships, jobs, lifestyle, cancer thrivers, you know, you go through chemo, you often have to sacrifice your hair or body parts, your breasts, whatever it may be, in order to really claim your light again. So in. The story in brief, she has to go down into the underworld, and as she goes down through seven gates, she lets go of seven things that are precious to her. One is her crown, one is her robe, so on and so on and so forth, as she gets down to the bottom. Once she gets to the bottom, That's a whole nother story about visiting her sister. I won't go into it completely, but her sister ends up killing her and hanged her on a meat hook. So she's dead, pretty much. She is saved by benevolent spirit forces that were already aligned with her. And they come and rescue her and bring her back to life again. She's resurrected. And she goes back up through the gates again, through those seven gates, and as she goes through each gate, she puts on her robe, she puts on her crown, whatever it is she let go of. So it's, it's a beautiful story of death and rebirth, and it's been inspiring to me for these last many years because whenever there is a hardship, whether it be somebody dies, you're in a cancer journey to align with the story can be a powerful empowerment to know that, you know, you have the ability to dive into your own shadows and be born again. And it's really in embracing our darkness that we really can claim our light. So, that's Inanna in a nutshell. I love that. I love that, invoking the goddess Inanna can help you, let go. And also, like, it's almost like release the fear, like, is one of the things that you release. You're going to release it all, go down into the darkness, having faith that you will come out. Oh it's a powerful image and I would really love to end the podcast with a short visualization around that so people can really take this home with them and use Inana invoke Inanna when they are, facing these difficult, dark times. Would you be willing to help us delve into the journey of the goddess Inanna into the center of the earth or right now? Of Course. Great. Great. Thank you. So. Just a little meditation. So wherever you are, just close your eyes. If you're able to, if you're driving, please don't close your eyes and just take a few deep breaths and just bring your breath into your body. Let go of any outside thoughts about what you're doing later today. And as you're dropping into your breath in your body, start thinking of things you can let go of in order to reclaim your light again. So think of these things, and as we go down to the darkness, You go down to the first layer and think of something you can let go of that is not really serving you. Could be something metaphorical, a relationship that is maybe a little bit draining, something that's not working coherently for you. And then imagine going down to another layer and imagine yourself maybe taking off a cloak, an old way of being, ideas and patterns that aren't serving you anymore. And then go down to another layer. And again, think of releasing and letting go of something. Maybe it's a way of being negative patterns of thinking about yourself that you're ready to let go of. And without going to each layer, just imagine yourself metaphorically going down each layer and as you do so, you're just letting go and shaking off these things that are keeping you from your highest potential. And then imagine getting to the very bottom, almost in the underworld, as it were, deep in the heart of the earth, and imagine yourself being stripped naked, you've let go of all these things that don't serve you, and there's a little death that happens, an opportunity to really transcend your limited self, and then imagine yourself giving life back again, and then we'll slowly travel up through the layers, and as you slowly travel up, You can reclaim these things that you let go of, but as you put your garment back on your body or reclaim the things you let go of, think of it being transformed in a way that really serves your highest good. So maybe you let go of a negative way of thinking about yourself, maybe call in a way of loving yourself in a new way. Maybe you let go of a relationship that didn't serve you. Imagine a relationship that really feeds you for what you need. And again, just slowly going up to the top, really calling in what you need for your own self love, self care, Aloha Ma. And as you get to the top, back upon the earth again, you're back in your brilliant, beautiful goddess or God self, reclaimed and refreshed and have a renewed sense of presence within yourself. Thank you. Beautiful. Oh, that was really lovely. I felt that. I felt that needing to shed some of the negative self talk, for example, that's been coming up for me lately. So, it's really lovely. I know that people are going to be able to use that in their homes when they need to and call on the goddess Inanna and remember you. So, thank you so much for sharing. You're so welcome. Thank you so much for having me on. I really appreciate it. And for all of those you going through cancer, remember you are so much stronger than you think you are. Aloha from Kaua'i. Aloha. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your experiences, your joy, this beautiful visualization that I know people will be able to take home with them and use. It was really profound for me. If people want more of Tara Coyote, then please know that she has a plethora of resources available to people. She has blogs and books, beautiful apparel. An audio book, now a YouTube channel, social media posts. So check out Tara Coyote for more. In the next podcast, I will be talking about becoming our own heroes. So how appropriate that we had Tara Coyote, a real life hero here with us today, a real life Shero, I should say. Thank you all for joining, sending you so much love and healing on your journey. And thank you for letting me be a part of it.