The Destination Won't Be Different From the Journey: A Framework For Balancing Ambition and Joy

We think we have to either push ourselves, strive for excellence OR enjoy our lives, embracing joy and peace. It doesn't have to be either / or. It's AND. 

By learning that the destination will feel like the journey, we can focus on bringing all of our aspirations for more - learning, growing, achieving, celebrating - to the journey. We can embrace our desire to make a significant impact AND enjoy our relationships, experiences... all of it - along the way. 

This does not come easy, and it's harder for some than others. A strong inner critic can suck the life right out of the room, if we let it. 

Let's not let it. 

Using a simple framework can keep us on the journey that we WANT to be on, moving forward toward the "destination" of our dreams, our vision.
 
Listen and Share this episode with a friend! Let me know what your take aways are! 

Transcript

0:59

Welcome to a week of defaulting to yes to your extraordinary self. This is Julie Reynolds, your host and a nurse coach, aromatherapist. And I am welcoming you to another week of defaulting to your extraordinary self, defaulting to yes. I'm curious, what advice would you give your younger self? What is something that you wish your younger self had understood? I have many things that I would advise my younger self, and the irony is in the piece of advice that I've been pondering this week. It would be unrelatable if I had heeded any variation of this advice that I now acknowledge from my mentors early on. I was so busy trying not to be a perfectionist or pretending that I wasn't getting offended when someone said I was, that I couldn't. I couldn't just own it. And when I accomplished something very extraordinary, I tended to downplay it. Sound familiar? Maybe. I even took the Enneagram test and on that I tested to be a one on Enneagram and the description of that is perfectionist and I then chucked the Enneagram because I didn't like that. I did seek out someone who uses it in their counseling practice, a friend of mine, and she took me all the way through it and it wasn't the definition of how Enneagram takes you through that is. It's spot on, but it wasn't as bad as I thought, but I had a block on being able to really just embrace that trait that I have as far as always wanting things to make things better. Now, I know a lot of women like this, and I actually just ordered a book called Take Back Your Brain by a coach that I know from the life coach school, Kara Lowenthal. She's an attorney turned life coach and an author. She has a podcast if you're curious and she's very engaging and has a lot to say that we as women and I'm a nurse and I think that this affects the nursing profession as well. She has a lot to say about the way we, our brains have been conditioned. Our minds have been conditioned to process and to show up in the world in a certain way. This. Quote is from one of her thought encyclopedias, and we all should have one of those. This is actually a good, really good idea for journaling as well, as you transform your mind by taking every thought captive, and as you change those old soundtracks. out for new ones, creating an encyclopedia of thoughts. would be a fresh way of journaling as well. Maybe if you're not somebody who wants to write everything out in detail and finds journaling very time consuming and you maybe want to do it, you just can't, or just don't do it. Is one of the evidence based practices that we can do for our personal growth. It's very proven and one just a very powerful tool. So somehow figuring out how to incorporate that, but creating an encyclopedia of thoughts is. A fresh idea on how to journal. You could journal just the thoughts that you are creating replacing those negative soundtracks. So for those of you don't journal or won't journal, maybe creating an encyclopedia would be Fun. This is what, this is a thought that came up for me this week and from that encyclopedia of thoughts and that really resonated and made me stop and think about how my clients experience their successes. And I think I've shared with you, I really try to encourage celebration along the way. But this is a thought, the destination will always feel like the journey did. I can't criticize myself the whole way and expect to feel good at the end. I think that's not a new idea. That is something that I was encouraged by mentors early on and really didn't. It wasn't computing. So it's brought me back to just the importance of remembering the, that the way we treat ourselves throughout the journey will greatly impact how we feel when we reach our destination. Self criticism can weigh really heavy on our hearts and minds and make that journey feel really burdensome. Instead We can practice self compassion and kindness as we move through those twists and turns. The, we've talked about the process of mastery is full of obstacles. And as we meet those obstacles, how do we treat ourselves with that? How do we navigate those? By nurturing ourselves along the way, we can set the stage for a more fulfilling and positive experience when we finally arrive at our destination. Even though we all know we're going to move that destination when we get there. So that's part of it is that we get there and then we just want to move the goal line, right? We want to make things even better. If we came this far, we could go farther, see what we're capable of. We all know that might be our tendency, but getting there is going to feel better when you are good to yourself along the way. So let's be gentle with ourselves, push ourselves hard and then embrace that journey with that open heart and open mind

juli: 6:27

so if your tendency is to hold yourself to those exceptionally high standards, it's going to be really important for you to join me on embracing a framework and that I'm going to share with you to inject that energy and joy into daily life and transform this journey into a more fulfilling and vibrant experience so that you're not always beating yourself up or feeling bad or procrastinating on your goals because of something that you're telling yourself about how it's not good enough, it's not right enough, you're not qualified enough. If I can't even tell you how many courses or how many courses or downloads or new books or things that my clients have compiled over the years in effort to learn more, be more prepared. to step out and do what they really want to do, put their work out there in the world. So here's my framework for balancing that ambition with happiness. Now, first of all, we embrace imperfection with curiosity. Now I'm talking a lot about the perfectionist trait, because again, I just want to embrace that. And I want to make that something that we can work with. So whatever level, now perfectionists. Are not all the same. So there can be, and you can be a really messy perfectionist. And again, there are different types of perfectionists. And if you want to dive more into that, schedule your call, we'll get on a call and we'll talk a little bit about that and see what this looks like for you and what resources are available to you. I'd love to share that with you, because if this is It's A game changer. All right. Perfectionists often struggle with that fear of making mistakes. And so instead we can approach our imperfections with curiosity wherever you are on this, with this, ask yourself what you can learn from each experience and view mistakes as opportunities and growth rather than failures. See the things that happen to you, maybe the criticism that you get from others or the revisions that you're asked for, the obstacles that are put up. See those as a sign of how extraordinary and how you're showing up as your extraordinary self. Because those things can change you. do not come up for people who don't do things. Those obstacles do not arise unless you're on the journey or on the path. If you're not running, you can't get cramps. years ago in my nursing career, I started a new job and I really wanted to excel at this job and I was surrounded by nurses who had been doing it for many years. And I had lots of people to learn from and they were. involved in teaching me and because they were so invested, it was very evident to me how I was falling short almost on a daily basis. And I was sharing with a physician friend of mine, I was saying, I just, it's going okay. And I'm learning a lot, but he just, I feel like I'm the dumb girl. And I don't like that feeling. And she said to me, The dumb girl never knows that she's the dumb girl. So as long as you think you're the dumb girl, you're not. And I, that is, really is true. All right. have that fear of being wrong and it holds me back sometimes. Believe it or not from weighing in on some discussions, it is why trivia games are hard for me. My boys like to play trivia. And when they would put, when we would play together, they would always just tell me that I just need to make a guess. that probably somewhere in there I'm going to pull from something and I just, if I don't know the answer with confidence, just take a guess. I want to be correct. So that was very uncomfortable for me. And so sometimes I would sit out of the game altogether. That's not true. definitely not more fun than just getting in there. And some of my guesses when I would take guesses actually turned out to be really funny and how good and how much fun is it to laugh? I and I don't even remember what trivia that I did or didn't know. I just remember how we felt and how we connected and how we laughed. And so that was, that's another lesson I follow a nurse influencer that I really resonate with and she says things that I would love to say, and she sometimes takes it beyond what I would actually say, because when we overshoot the facts with speculation or assigning intentions to others to make our point, that's when I feel a little out of integrity. My friend and accountability partner, Carrie, asked me what it would look like if I put my coach hat on when I want to really speak out and ask the questions. This was an example. Is it in fact a good model to forego safe staffing ratios ever? What if I asked that question? it brings the issue up without me having to say that this is what people are doing. Because I don't know that people are really having the intentional business model that for go safe stashing ratios in for the sake of holding or keeping to the budget. I suspect that's true. I suspect that's the case. It seems, it feels like it is in a lot of cases. But if I ask the question about, is it really fair wages for nurses who are expected to manage critical care and to anticipate, assess, prompt the providers, check the providers on their work, 12 hours at a time, sometimes without support, adequate pay, breaks, nourishment, hydration, making life and death decisions for 30 or 40 an hour. Is it ever okay? Okay. So instead of stating that I can ask the question, I could get curious and ask others to get curious with me. That's how I can embrace imperfection with curiosity. And so what is it for you? What are the things that you would like to embrace with curiosity? I do this with my own skills, embrace those things that are not by definition, perfect as opportunities. What does this make possible and what can I learn to pursue with excellence? And what can I use to. Again, see what I'm capable of. That makes it exciting to have these things to work on, and it's less daunting. It doesn't feel bad. It feels more like an opportunity. So the first part of our framework for balancing that ambition with happiness and with fulfillment would be to embrace our imperfections with curiosity. Second, we're going to, we can set realistic goals and celebrate small wins. Now realistic goals aren't as fun as as miracle goals or or the optimal goals or the outrageous goals. So while it's great to aim high, and we love to do that feels fun. Setting those realistic achievable goals can provide that steady stream of motivation and satisfaction. And this is where that framework for SMART goals comes in. I think SMART goals are more the way we take action instead of, they may not be, SMART goals may not be our optimal, our dream, our big, outrageous, amazing goal. Smart goals may actually be our strategy to get those things and to blow our own minds and get what we really want to stretch and to aspire to more and aspire to better aspire to excellence. All of those things, Smart goals can be our strategy and we could do that by breaking our larger tasks into smaller manageable steps and then celebrate each accomplishment no matter how small it is. This will keep us energized, but also reinforces that positive outlook, making our journey towards our goals feel rewarding and joyful. Celebrating progress is so important. If you're a list maker and you like to check things off your list, that's celebrating progress. And it's really empowering. Perfectionists have a tendency to struggle to celebrate something that isn't finished. But when we break up the big thing into small things, it gives us lots of things to finish. Lots of perfect pieces to celebrate. In my coaching programmer curriculum, I always share the time management, my time management system. And that includes. Things that we finish that are part of the bigger process and in growth day, the app that I use with Brendan Bouchard, he calls them Friday finishers. I call it a weekend wind down and that includes winding down by celebrating the 3 things. Maybe that we got done during the week. Those might be part of a bigger picture, but there are 3 things that we can finish. So write that perfect outline, make that perfect plan or strategy, stay, start a day with perfect morning routine, plant a perfect garden, have one perfect meeting with your team. There are lots of things that we can do and do well and finish that are part of a bigger picture. Then we can enjoy that process. Now, maybe we need to back up a little and define or reimagine the word perfect. What we really mean is that everything is right according to us in context. I think that's what we are wanting when we're saying, I want everything perfect. That's according to us, right? It's subjective. So defining perfect is really important. very fascinating because it touches on both objective standards and subjective ideals. At its core, the term perfect implies a state of flawlessness where everything aligns seamlessly according to a specific set of criteria or expectations. In math, for example, A perfect number is one that equals the sum of its proper divisors. This definition is really clear cut and leaving little room for interpretation. but when we venture into the realms of art or love, personal achievements, relationships, perfect becomes a far more fluid and individual concept. Imagine a world where perfection is a tailored suit. It's designed specifically to fit the contours of your life, aspirations, and values. For some, a perfect day might be a quiet afternoon with a good book. While others, it could be a thrilling adventure in an exotic location. The idea is that perfection here is not about a universal standard, but rather, but more about achieving that balance that brings joy and satisfaction, fulfillment. This perspective is one that So taking that on this perspective will encourage encourages us to appreciate the unique qualities and experiences that make our lives richer and more fulfilling. And if we want to take a little playful twist on it, we can consider the quirks and imperfections that a lot of times will make these make things difficult. Endearing, a handmade mug with a slight wobble might be more perfect to its creator or its owner than a mass produced flawless one. And this kind of perfection celebrates character, history and those personal connections that we make. So ultimately perfect can, we can see it as kind of those ideal standards, individual preferences that remind us that life is a tapestry. It's a lot of times the unique threads that make the most beautiful patterns. When we can change our mind around what is perfect and make it our own and not the comparison or what we see. Think that others expect of us. Where did those expectations come from? So what if we took that and made it? We rec, we could recognize those unique threads that make those beautiful patterns. And we. Chuck. The things that we think other people expect of us, because honestly we're honestly, we're a lot of times very wrong about what other people expect. And when you bring it out and you think about it that way and you bring it out into the open, it sounds. It even sounds silly. But. We have these voices in our heads telling us what we should or shouldn't do, what we should feel, how we should be doing this, what it should look like. All those things are things that we ultimately, it's all made up anyway. All right, third is, so we have so we're going to embrace our imperfection with curiosity. We're going to set realistic goals and some celebrate those small wins, make it our own, And then cultivate mindfulness and self compassion and mindfulness practices like meditation and deep breathing really can help us stay grounded in that present moment. It helps reduce anxiety about future outcomes as well. We can start to let go of our tight hold on how this is going to turn out, our tight hold on the outcome. And then we mix this in with some self compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness that you would offer a friend. It's a beautiful partnership. So recognize your efforts and progress. Give yourself permission to rest and recharge without guilt. That is how you're going to replenish your energy and bring a deeper sense of joy into your daily life. So what would you do today for your best friend if you wanted to show her how cool she is? Now go do that for you. All right, so cultivate mindfulness and self compassion and then balance your structured routine with playful activities that ignite that creativity and bring you joy, whether it's dancing, painting, or simply taking a walk in nature. These activities Will provide that refreshing break. I know that every once in a while I just have to get a book that is just for fun. Maybe something that I wouldn't normally pick, or something that, or an author that I really enjoy, just enjoy reading. It's a quick read and brings me joy. I reach for those books. In those times, allow yourself to engage in these moments fully without the pressure of achieving perfection, You don't have to pick the perfect book. You don't have to pick the perfect show. Just enjoy what it brings your way, whatever that is. Have a list. If you need to have things that you enjoy. One of my things that I have on my list is going to Cheekwood. It's the botanical garden here in Nashville. And I have a membership that makes it easy to get tickets. And it also makes it so that I can go whenever I feel like, and I don't have to stay and see everything to make it worth it. I can go for a walk for 20 minutes if I wanted to. And once I walked for 20 minutes, Straight to the cafe, I got a latte, and then I walked back through the Japanese garden, enjoying the nature, enjoying the, what the, it was a beautiful day out. And I just felt refreshed and ready to take on the rest of the day. I didn't have to make, it didn't have to be a day retreat, but it was something that I could do that was a little spontaneous. I just quickly bought tickets and drove there, went for my walk and then came home. And normally I would. I would plan a week in advance on this day. I'm going to go to Cheekwood and I would plan to be there for maybe an hour or two So make a list and just pull one out of the hat and go do it. Have a playlist ready so that you can turn it on and have a little dance party in your home. what is it going to be for you? Incorporating these elements into your life, you can create that dynamic, joyful framework that not only supports your ambitious goals, but also enhances your overall wellbeing. You don't, your goals should never come at the cost of your health. So that is what I'm going to be talking about today. Your job. You know that, that thing that you want. Should never come at the expense of your health and your overall well being. That's what it means to balance the perfectionist mindset. And You don't have to procrastinate anymore. Or if you build some margins into your life to embrace those things that you want to do anyway. because those obstacles along the way are going to come up. And And they're not just challenges to overcome, but they're opportunities for us to really experience the joy on that journey and the energy that comes with accomplishing something. so if you're criticizing yourself all the way to your weight loss goal, your dream job, your revenue goal, your relationship goal, skill achievement. You should not be surprised when you get there and it isn't quite as fun or fulfilling as you had hoped. It's time to train your brain to honor the process of mastery. Celebrate along the way to, so that you can enjoy the journey. Then getting to that goal will be easy to celebrate. even if you know that you're going to set a goal, a new goal right away, that's also can be part of the fun. All right. maybe, you have a friend that you think could use this message that you could go on this journey with, share this episode with them and then celebrate your journey, doing something for you to celebrate the work that you're putting in on your personal growth. I celebrate you. I honor you. and I believe in you. Let's practice self compassion and kindness as we navigate through all of life's twists and turns. As we come up on those obstacles along the way, we can nurture ourselves. We can train our brains for a more fulfilling and positive experience along the way, and when we finally arrive at our destination. If that even is a thing, let's go after what we want. Let's work hard. Let's push ourselves and let's play often and embrace the journey with an open heart and an open mind. As we get up every day and default. To yes.