Q&A - Why and how do I make the decision to turn my will over to God?
Tara: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Pathway to Recovery podcast. I'm your host Tara McCausland and welcome Justin B, my co host. Thanks for being here.
Justin: Thank you, Tara. I'm happy to be here today.
Exploring Step Three: Turning Will and Life Over to God
Tara: So today we have a step three related Q&A for you. And the question that we're exploring is “Why and how do I make the decision to turn my will and life over to [00:01:00] God?”
That was a mouthful. But considering that question, Justin, because I think one of the interesting things that I have found, and we've discussed this before on this podcast, many people come into the rooms of recovery having been highly religious people. They come to find that they really struggled to do this, to give their will and their lives over to God.
Challenges in Surrendering to God
Tara: So I'm curious, from your experience, why is that challenging? Maybe that's a silly question.
Justin: No, I don't think it's a silly question. I think it's, well, it's my reality. I know that when I first started work and recovery, I thought, “Oh, step two and step three ‘Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.’ Yeah, I believe in a power greater than myself. I believe in God. Step three, ‘Turn my will and my life over to God.’ Yeah, I believe. That's easy.” Check, check.
But as I really sit and examine things, it's not as easy as [00:02:00] that. I love the wording of the step 3 key principle. “Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him.” I didn't set a goal. I didn't make a wish. I didn't set a resolution for the year to do it.
The Daily Decision and Its Importance
Justin: I made a decision. And a decision is a black and white word. It's not a goal that's ethereal. It's not a resolution that I'm going to break within a couple of weeks of setting it. It's a decision that I make for today.
It's a one day, one moment at a time thing. Right now, I decide I'm going to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. Any thoughts on that?
Tara: Well, I like how you emphasize, “I made the decision today.” And I think actually in the Step Into Action book, they emphasize that carrying out this decision is a daily lifelong process.
That's on page 43 of the Step Into [00:03:00] Action book. And I think it's kind of like the manna that the Israelites received. They could only gather it for the day. And then otherwise, the excess would go bad.
And I think we would love to say, “Oh, I've made the decision and I'm good.” But this really is a daily, lifelong process and a decision that we make every day that we're living and breathing.
Justin: Yeah. And that's sometimes such a frustrating concept, not only for the addict, but also for the betrayed: “Hey, is this going to last forever?” I can't promise you that. I can't stay clean on yesterday's shower. I can't stay fed by yesterday's breakfast. I've got to keep showering and I've got to keep eating my breakfast every day.
It's the same thing with turning my will and my life over to God. I have to keep doing it every day or it's just not going to work. It's something that I have to keep renewing and growing and building upon.
Spiritual Shifts and Personal Experiences
Tara: Yeah, [00:04:00] so when you made that decision, what felt or looked different as you were really working the steps in your recovery? Felt and looked different because you came from a highly religious background and you were engaged in your faith community.
But how did making this decision shift, how you were engaging spiritually?
Justin: I think what happened, the shift happened when I realized that I am not a capable manager of my life. And I'm going to make a sports analogy here. If I am running a baseball team, and that baseball team over a 162 game season goes 62 and 100, I'm going to lose my job.
And guess what, over my life, running my own life, 4 and 158 is my record. I don't deserve to keep my job. I may have a win here or there and I think, “Oh great, [00:05:00] I can do this.” And then I go on a 10 game losing streak again. And I need to step back and say, “Justin Incorporated is defunct. I cannot run Justin Incorporated. I have to work for God Incorporated. I have to give my will and my life to God and let God manage my life for me.”
I'm just there to do what I think God would direct me to do.
Tara: Yeah. Well, and we've talked about this again, sorry for the repeat, but I think so many of us in our religious practice, we did a lot of things to either check boxes or to achieve a certain outcome. And we placed our faith in outcomes.
And I'll speak for myself. I know that. I know that when I was a younger person that I would do things because I felt like, “Well, first of all, if I'm going to be a good girl, I'm going to do X, Y, and Z.” But it wasn't for the sake of [00:06:00] the relationship with the God of my understanding. It was to be a good girl or to receive the “blessings,” right? It was less about…
Justin: I like how you said the “blessings.”
Tara: Yes, it’s still true. There's nothing wrong with doing things, believing that you will receive blessings or positive outcomes.
Faith in Action: Moving Beyond Outcomes
Tara: But I think that there, for me, if I was to look at step three, the shift for me would be, “I'm no longer doing X, Y, and Z for outcomes or to check the boxes. I'm doing it simply because I want to have a greater connection with the God of my understanding.”
It really becomes all about the relationship and believing that God, using your analogy, can manage my life and make so much more out of my life than I could ever make it.
Justin: Yeah, and that's such a [00:07:00] powerful concept, Tara, that I think seems contrary to what these 12 step rooms are about. We think that we come into these rooms because I can't stop acting out sexually, I can't stop drinking, I can't stop eating, I can't stop whatever it is that has driven me to this room.
In reality, recovery is not stopping the actions, behaviors, or the addiction itself. Recovery is connection with God, becoming God's agent, employee, and doing what God wants me to do.
If I am constantly giving my will and my life over to the care of God and saying, “Hey, what would you have me do? Your will, not mine, be done.” Guess what I'm not going to be doing? I'm not going to be doing those addictive behaviors. It's not going to happen. And I think that's the step three shift in mentality that happens for me one day at a time.
I'm coming [00:08:00] to God to guide my life. I'm not coming to Him begging to take this away from me or begging Him for blessings that I think I deserve. I'm coming to Him and saying, “Whatever it is you have for me today, I'm going to go do it for You. I'm going to go do this, I'm going to be this for You and not for me.”
Tara: Yeah. Well, so I'd like to just read a little portion, this is actually quoting 12 steps and 12 Traditions.
The Role of Faith and Works in Recovery
Tara: But this is on page 320 of the SAL book, and it says, “Like all the remaining steps, step three calls for affirmative action, for it is only by action that we can cut away the self will, which has always blocked the entry of God, or if you like, a higher power into our lives.
Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives. [00:09:00] Therefore our problem now becomes just how and by what specific means shall we be able to let Him in. Step three represents our first attempt to do this.”
I appreciate that. Our attempt to do this. This doesn't have to be perfect. This is a daily practice.
“In fact, the effectiveness of the whole AA,” or if we put in parentheses, a 12 step program, “will rest on how well and earnestly we have tried to come to a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
But it continues in all times of emotional stress or decision. We can pause, ask for quiet and in the stillness, simply say, God, ‘Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference, Thy will not mine be done.’ Any thoughts about that as I read that, Justin?
Justin: Yeah, there's a couple things. In faith traditions as well as [00:10:00] in the 12 step community - we got this from faith traditions, this comes from the Bible.
“Faith without works is dead.” “Half measures availed us nothing”. That's a 12 step phrase. But faith without works is dead. And step three is that key shift in that.
You know, I have faith in God. I have faith that there's something out there that loves me or loves the world, cares for the world. Now, what am I going to do about it? And that's that phrase at the end of the serenity prayer and at the end of so many prayers that we say. And honestly in my life, it's the end of almost every single prayer I say. “Thy will, not mine, be done.”
That's the step three. “I'm giving this to you. I'm going to try and do what I think you want me to do. And the outcome is out of my hands. Your will, God, not mine, be done.”
And I'll just keep going and hopefully not give up and say, “Well, that didn't work. So I'm just going back to the things that I did for [00:11:00] so many years that seemed to work, even though they brought me misery.”
Tara: So this is certainly an act of faith. As we consider the steps, we have step one, we have embraced and accepted powerlessness and unmanageability. And number two, we have come to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, which brought us to step three, that we would have the faith to make the daily decision then to give our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
This is a really important process that we go through. We can't skip one and two and get to three. We have to have really worked those two steps so that we can safely put our lives into the hands of a God that we still may not feel we know very well.
And maybe [we] even still feel a little angry and resentful that “Here I am, [00:12:00] and I've been betrayed by my husband,” or [for] those who suffer from addiction, like, “God, couldn't you have protected me from this? Why has this been such a struggle for me?”
But it's a great experiment as we make the decision daily to give our lives and then our will over to the care of God.
Trusting God's Plan and Finding Purpose
Tara: And I believe that as we do that, we do really open the doorway to hope. But great miracles that just as you said, Justin, it's like, “Justin Inc is defunct. And I need a capital M manager to do the work that I'm unable to do.”
Justin: Right. That's just such a key thing as I go through my day, I just need to keep those thoughts in mind. I am God's employee. His will, not mine, be done. “What do you want me to do, God? Now I'll go do it.”
And it's that step three decision. I am [00:13:00] definitely not perfect at this, but I do know that God is perfect at taking care of things that are best for me. It may not turn out to look like how I would envision the perfect ending to be or the perfect outcome to be, but it is a great outcome.
And that's where I want to build back into. If I sit there and I ask God, “How could you allow me to have this addiction? Why didn't you take it from me early enough in my life to where it wasn't this life changing, mortality changing experience?”
I believe and I know that my past is my greatest asset, that God has brought me to where I am today so that I could be helpful to others. And that applies not only to the addict, but to the betrayed. Now, I'm not saying that anybody has to say, “Woohoo! I've struggled with addiction. My spouse has struggled with addiction and has betrayed me over and over again.” No, that's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying, if I [00:14:00] trust God and that He has a plan for me, all of these things work out for my good and work out for the good of those that I can serve. And if I can shift that mindset just a little bit, it makes all the difference in the world.
Tara: Hmm. I love that.
Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Tara: Well, and maybe I'll end with this thought. So I have the opportunity to see a lot of messages that come through SA Lifeline email. And when people send a Venmo, a donation, I see that as well. And I just really appreciated today that in the memo of one of those donations, it was stated, “I came to SAL to find sobriety and I found God.”
And I feel that's what the steps can do for us if we're willing to work the program. So, well, thank you so much, Justin, for this conversation. Really appreciate the opportunity to talk about this with you today. And to our listeners, thanks for being here. We'll see you next time.
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