Heal & Grow with Nickie
Join your host, Nickie Kromminga Hill, and her guests on a journey of personal stories and insights into healing and growth from past and current trauma. The focus is on fostering true connections through conversations centered around vulnerability and authenticity. The goal is to collectively heal and find opportunities for growth, promoting a sense of togetherness.
Heal & Grow with Nickie
45: A Conversation with Chris Karki
Imagine being a student teacher grappling with the chaos that follows a devastating tornado. In this episode, Chris Karki and I recount the challenges of navigating a path back to normalcy amidst such destruction, from the practical hurdles of resuming classes in FEMA trailers to the emotional toll of witnessing a transformed landscape. Chris opens up about her stress and breakdowns, highlighting the resilience required to overcome such adversity. The discussion brings to light the raw and poignant intersection of personal trauma with broader community loss, painting a vivid picture of the struggle and ultimate recovery.
We reflect on our own experiences during this tumultuous period. The bittersweet return to a familiar campus now altered beyond recognition by the tornado brings a flood of mixed emotions. We delve into the complexities of feeling grateful for survival while mourning the loss of what once was. Through personal stories of resilience and growth, we discuss the importance of allowing space for both grief and gratitude. This episode captures the essence of healing and moving forward, exploring how we can find closure and strength in the face of unexpected disruptions.
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Hey everyone, I'm so excited to introduce you to my bestie, also known as my breasty, chris Karki. Chris Karki is an actor, director and theater educator based in the Twin Cities. Performing since a very young age, chris has worked locally and regionally in outstate Minnesota and Wisconsin. Tours and out-of-town gigs have allowed Chris to work all over the country, including longer stints in Maine, maryland and Wisconsin. Tours and out-of-town gigs have allowed Chris to work all over the country, including longer stints in Maine, maryland and Ohio. The daughter of two incredible educators inspired another lifelong passion for Chris education. She attended Gustavus Adolphus College and got her degree in theater arts and English, as well as her teaching license in both subjects. Chris has taught and directed with many reputable schools and organizations. She's also been an education coordinator, program manager, curriculum manager, arts administrator, retreat director and artistic director and most recently, was a theater program director with a private high school for seven and a half years and received the honor of Theater Educator of the Year from Hennepin Theater Trust Spotlight Education in 2021. Chris loves true crime, dog videos, almost everything on Bravo, the Office, rupaul's Drag Race, boy bands, going on adventures and or relaxing with her family and friends and, for the better part of a decade, being the superest superfan of youth sports. For almost 18 years she's been married to her absolute best match, tom. He's also a performer and she considers one of her greatest fortunes that she's been able to work with him on 11 productions. They currently live outside the Twin Cities with their two rascal rescue dogs and incredible teen son who is living his best life while they're his chauffeur. She also forgot to mention that she has won an Emmy, but that will be for a different podcast.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Heal and Grow with Nikki. I'm your host, nikki Kraminga-Hill. Here we talk about everything Grief, hope, illness, work, family tragedy, possibilities, fun stuff and not so fun stuff. It's all on the table. Let's take a look at our lives and work to heal and grow together. I'm so glad you're here. Good people of the world. I have Miss Christine Nelson-Karki in my living room today. Chris, how do we know each other? We know each other from college. Yeah, we met. Way. We go way back, way back. So what? 25 years, no.
Speaker 2:No, Well, I met you my first year, which is okay. Yeah, so you were 18 and I was 19. Winter of 1995.
Speaker 1:So 30 years. Yeah, just about 30 years probably 30 years this fall, I know.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Yes, we met in the theater department. Yes.
Speaker 2:Well, I believe we actually met. Okay, you've, can I tell this story? You could tell any story you want. All right, this is what you told me, but I do not remember it at all. This is my recollection of you telling me this story.
Speaker 2:Yes, you told me that you first introduced yourself to me in the cafeteria the calf, as we called it um, I think we were getting food, um, like so, like you know, dishing up around our plates, and you came up and asked about the j term project that I was involved in my freshman year, which was called voices of diversity, and you were giving me a compliment or something and you said you really liked it and I kind of blew you off and you thought I was a big jerk. Yeah, Yep, but I don't remember that at all and like I can't believe that I would have blown you off, because I looked up to you, I thought you were great and a dear friend of mine, who turned out to be one of my roommates later on in college, talked about you and Jen and Betsy Can I say names? You can say names.
Speaker 2:I'm going to shout out Like you guys, because you all looked similar and you were the dancer girls she always calls you the dancer girls. Yeah, and so something happened later on with you and I was like, and so I anyway blah, but I guess you had approached me and I was probably very insecure and I was like, oh thanks, you know, because I probably didn't think I deserved a compliment or something.
Speaker 1:Oh, I think that's exactly what happened. Yeah, I don't remember talking to you in the cafe, necessarily, but I do remember coming up to you and just saying like, hey, I saw this performance and I thought it was great. And I thought it was great, I thought you were really good in it. Oh, that's so nice. And you did not say that. No, I bet I didn't. Oh gosh. Well, one of the things about you, just one of your quirks, is you just you don't do well with compliments.
Speaker 2:I don't, but I've done so much better under your tutelage.
Speaker 1:It's true, though it's true, though it's true. Yeah, I mean looking back at the time, considering that was the only time I'd ever spoken to you. I do remember thinking like oh gosh, what's up with that?
Speaker 2:baby, what's her problem?
Speaker 1:But now, that I know you. You maybe were questioning my sincerity.
Speaker 2:Well and honestly, I'm sure I had, although it didn't have a title at the time. I'm sure I had imposter syndrome, Sure, 100%.
Speaker 1:Right syndrome sure 100, right. So some rando coming up to you and just being like hey, you're cool, right. Like oh, no, I'm not.
Speaker 2:Yeah how did you even notice me in that?
Speaker 1:yeah, that kind of thing, yeah, so that's how we met, yeah, but yes then we worked together in the theater department, yeah, yeah, for years, and then I stayed for a fifth year, um, so we actually graduated together and then I mean there's a lot more history here. But then we lived together for like how long? Three years Was it. Yeah, yeah, 2000, like 2003 or 4.
Speaker 2:We definitely were living together on September 11th, absolutely, so I know that, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yep, yep, we were one another's maids of honor. I was your maid at the time.
Speaker 2:You were my matron, darn right yeah.
Speaker 1:So we've just been together for forever and we're both only children, and so we just have glommed on to each other like sisters. So, it's been a pretty incredible friendship throughout the years. Absolutely um, I like you I like you today, what we're going to talk about specifically and this is really interesting because chris and I both have we live through the same thing and we have completely different experiences with it, which I just that's just.
Speaker 1:One of the things I love about human nature is that two people can experience. You know, like, let's say, somebody broke into my house right now, we would still have different interpretations of of what happened.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's so interesting yeah.
Speaker 1:Anyway, we're going to talk about the St Peter tornado in March of 1998. March 29th, march 29th, yep, we were both seniors. I was a super senior and we were on. Well, it was spring break. It was the first day of spring break, maybe.
Speaker 2:Like the Saturday.
Speaker 1:Okay, see, chris has such a. Oh, this is so interesting.
Speaker 2:Chris, go ahead, just take over so I was student teaching that semester and um, I was student teaching I won't get into specifics uh, locally down there and um, meaning she was still living on campus with all of us and the high school I was working at did not have a spring break, so I went home for the weekend because my birthday was coming up. My birthday is the first of April, and so that's not an April Fool's joke.
Speaker 2:No that is legit. And so I went home for that weekend to celebrate my birthday and I was miserable because I hated my student teaching experience and I was not looking forward to spending spring break on campus alone oh gosh, it'd be so lonely and miserable and student teaching. So I went home for the weekend and it was Sunday, because I was at a play reading of a friend of mine who had written a play and it was very good and very funny.
Speaker 2:And I had, even though I was staying with my and my parents were there too with me and we had driven separately because they were going to go home and I was going to go back down to St Peter Wow, and we got in the car and my parents were showing me the way from this friend's house where the play reading was how to get on the freeway to go to St Peter, and they pulled over and I pulled over behind them and they came out of the car and said you can't go back down to school. And I said why? And I remember it being warm abnormally warm for March 29th in Minnesota, and humid.
Speaker 2:I remember it being very humid. I remember what I was wearing and they said you can't go back down to school. And I said why? And they said there's been a tornado, and there's been a tornado, and I and there's been. I can't remember exactly how they put it. If they said it went through St Peter or Gustavus has been affected, or something to that effect, where they said we're just going to go home, we're going to figure out what's going on and then we'll go from there. And so it was a sunday wow yeah wow, so you go home and
Speaker 2:you just like what turn on the television, what I remember um doing is going to my room and picking up my landline it's 1998 and trying to reach my friends who were still on campus yeah and I think at that point I must have listened to the radio or something and knew that it had hit saint peter and it had hit gustavus and um, I'm gonna, I can, okay, I feel I feel a little insecure about saying people's names, but I'm gonna say them because they're good things.
Speaker 1:I'll bleep them out if they're bad. Okay, bleep and bleep.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I called Kari Lipke I don't have to say last names, I suppose she's five foot nine, who is a dear friend of mine, and six, six foot eight me, who was also on campus.
Speaker 1:Yes, we did have a friend. Well, he's actually a twin yes he's six foot eight and his name is nate, and I have run into his brother a couple of times in minneapolis, you have. Yeah, and I only know this because I'm giving him a really weird look and he's looking really weirdly at me and I'm like oh, it's not nate, that's his brother. And then I'll be like hi, Nate's brother. Oh, I didn't know that.
Speaker 2:That's so great yeah yeah, and, as memory serves, they were still on campus. Yeah, and the phone lines, for whatever reason, hadn't been affected yet, and I was in the middle of a call, I don't remember with which one of them, and the phone line went dead. Wow, yeah, and because, of course, me, being I am, it's so interesting. This is a tangent friends on the podcast network. I am a tangent goer oner, so here's a tangent. I've noticed a lot with my kid that, like he, he's not a planner, he doesn't care. Yeah, like he doesn't care if he's got friends to go and do stuff with. He's like, I'll figure it out whatever you know. Like, and me, I would never do anything without having, like my my list of friends. Like, okay, so this spring break that I had to be on campus all by myself, I needed to know who else was going to be on campus who could I eat with, who could I socialize with, so that I'm not feeling so utterly alone?
Speaker 2:and so I had already known that who was going to still be there yeah, and there were a couple other people too on campus, but those were two that I knew I was like going to kind of like need in my circle and so I called them and at one point the line went dead while I was talking to them.
Speaker 1:Did they seem afraid or anything? Were they just in shock?
Speaker 2:Yes, in shock, yes, and I don't remember specifically what was said, but of course I was like are you okay? And on it you know what I think it was. So memories are coming back. I think they were actually together Somehow. How did I reach them? I don't know, maybe I called Caricell or something, I don't know, but somehow I got a hold of them and they were all in one place, or at least a large group of them, because when you stayed on campus during a break in our small little college, they needed to know who was there.
Speaker 2:So if there was, something like this an emergency they could reach you, and they did.
Speaker 1:They gathered everybody.
Speaker 2:Yep, yep, and so they were together. So I could ask them are you okay?
Speaker 1:And they were like we're're okay, and the phone line went dead and just for the people listening at home, I can't remember what category the tornado was. I don't remember either. I want to say it was like a three or something, but uh, everyone in saint peter was fine, yeah, however, there were a couple of deaths, I believe so for some people that were in a car. People were driving.
Speaker 2:It was just one, but yes, there was, I thought it was a little a little boy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a child, yeah and so that's hitting the news and we're you know, and so we're like who, who else has died oh?
Speaker 1:god I was up in bemidji when it happened. My boyfriend at the time he lived, he was, he was from there, so I was going to hang out in bemidji the whole week and he and I were just hanging out and my mom called and said, hey, you need to turn on the television right now because the tornado has hit saint peter. And so I remember we just were watching it and it was just surreal because we're like, oh, that's the mcdonald's, yeah, there's, there's windows broken. Like like you see it happen, but it doesn't connect that it's happening to your home, you know, to where you live. You're just like this is just another movie or something that I'm watching. It was so surreal. So, so that's, that's your Sunday, do you? When do you go back down to student teach?
Speaker 2:okay. So I did have to go back. So, um and you can chime into this because again, your experience was different um, they would not let us down. They wouldn't let us even on the freeway to get into the town. For what felt like a long time it was barricaded and everybody wanted to come down and everybody wanted to see and everybody wanted to help and we were told to stay away, like it was on the news stay away.
Speaker 1:We got calls.
Speaker 2:Yep, stay away, and there were still people going down and sneaking to go in and help. And so I remember I don't think it was, it had to be a couple days later, because my boyfriend at the time was at my house and he wasn't there that weekend before that weekend of the play reading. So I don't know, I don't know. At some point he came up and he was at my house and I got a call from one of my. I had two different cooperating teachers and I got a call from one of my cooperating teachers and they started just yelling at me and berating me for not being down there and not helping.
Speaker 1:Were the cooperating teachers from the high school in which you were student teaching or from Gustavus? They were from the high school in which you were student teaching or from Gustavus. They were from. Yeah, so they were from the high school.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay so cooperating teachers are the ones at the high school. And then you're like I forget the proper term, but like your advisors were from the college.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And so one of them called me and basically was like we're, you know again, it's been you know 26 years or whatever it's been. But like basically you know, we're down here suffering, we've been through this horrible tragedy and how dare you stay up there, how dare you not come down here and help us? Blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:It was horrible.
Speaker 2:I remember sobbing so hard. This is the very first time in my life where I cried so hard. My eyes like swole up. And so then I did call one of my. Actually she was not an advisor, but she did work in the education department and she worked through some breathing exercises with me because I could not even speak.
Speaker 2:It was awful, and I remember also and the reason why I know that, um, my boyfriend at the time was there is because I remember thinking I don't think he has ever seen me like this. Oh, he was not an emotional dude to begin with, and like I don't I, I was like this. This has got to be like what the heck am I doing here, because everything is falling apart and this girl is losing it, and, um, and he was just there, so I feel kind of bad about that. But, um, yeah, and so I was just. So I did talk with her and, um, she was incredible and we worked through some breathing exercises and she said, okay, we're gonna give it a couple days. There, everything is very. You know, everyone, everyone down here, has been gone through something really shocking, and so Were they still holding school.
Speaker 2:No, oh gosh. No, you can't Right, no, no.
Speaker 1:So why would they be upset with you for not coming down if there was no school happening?
Speaker 2:Nick, I don't know, but I think the fact that I just wasn't even there helping pick up the street is, honestly, and I do know that like, eventually they did go into the schools and try to clean and try to take things out the high school. Eventually we were not able to go back into the high school that spring that year after the tornado spring, that year after the tornado um, and I was told that one of the rooms because, like I said, I had two different teachers that I worked with one of the rooms that I taught in was really badly damaged. One of the worst in the school is what I was told. I don't know what she wanted from me, I just remember that I was like they won't let me.
Speaker 2:Like I can't get down there.
Speaker 1:They're telling us we can't get down there, yeah, which is possibly something that they didn't even know.
Speaker 2:They might not have known.
Speaker 1:That's what we were being advised. They might not have known.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think you know, if anything, maybe if I'm trying to you know, um, to show some grace to this person, maybe she just thought I need to take care of my personal life. I have this student teacher. I need her to take care of my work life which is essentially what they did.
Speaker 1:Not that that's okay, but maybe that's what she was thinking.
Speaker 2:Right, I honestly I have no idea. I have no idea. So what ended up happening was after that conversation I did talk to at some point. I don't remember and you know memories are in and out, especially after 20 some years, but I did have to go down before Gustavus students were welcomed back on campus and I go ahead.
Speaker 1:Well, gustavus, we were supposed supposed to be spring break was supposed to be one week. Yeah, it extended to three weeks. Um, because we, we weren't allowed at some point they allowed people to come down to clean up, because I was a part of that group, yeah, but there was well many dorms were destroyed, so they had to figure out where we were gonna. Well, dorms were destroyed.
Speaker 1:So, they had to figure out where we were going to. Well, dorms, um classrooms, they had to figure out where they were going to hold class, sorry about that. And they brought in FEMA trailers, like I remember having dance class and a FEMA trailer, so anyway it was. It was three weeks before we were even allowed back on campus. And and then I don't even know that we had class for several days. It was mostly like here's where you eat now.
Speaker 2:It was like a reorientation. Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like this is what campus looks like now.
Speaker 2:And they gave us the option, especially us seniors. And again, how word got out and how we all communicated, I'm not even sure, but we had the option. They were like, like we're just gonna let you graduate now and we all were like no, we need to come back yeah, yep, and finish up um, and I'm glad that we did that. I am because had.
Speaker 1:we graduated at that exact moment, like just think about no closure, Like well, the only reason why I graduated is because you know they wanted to get me off campus, Like we.
Speaker 1:actually there was like a petition or something and we actually kind of fought it and said no, we want to stay here, we want to continue to learn and take class until our already scheduled graduation, and we want to have graduation on our football field. That was a big deal for us, I remember, because all the other classes had done that unless there was inclement weather, and so we ended up all like they worked really hard to get the football field ready to go for graduation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you're right. And so, if yes and I remember different orientation meetings I remember Lund, which was the athletic building where I didn't spend a ton of time most until my senior year. Honestly, I don't know. I mean, I had to take an aerobics class at one point, but aside from that, I don't know if I stepped foot into that building.
Speaker 1:But then they made it like our cafeteria, our mailboxes, where we got our mail, yeah, yeah. So it was like the social hub.
Speaker 2:We sat. It must have been one of the most untouched buildings. Probably, yeah, but yes, yeah, and we all got our Re rebuilding a greater Gustavus t shirt.
Speaker 1:We did.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so before that I did have to go back down. I don't remember, see, it's so funny because you say three weeks and I was like, oh gosh, we were out for so long and I had to come back early, and so I don't remember the timeframe of all of it, but I do know that I had to come back before we were let back onto campus, so I could not go back to where I lived. So I was put up at some off-campus housing with some people I had never met, were they Gustavo students?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Okay, but Nick, when I tell, you.
Speaker 1:I don't remember this.
Speaker 2:I don't remember their names. I could not pick them up from a lineup, like I don't know who those people were. I remember a little bit of the layout of the main floor of the house. I stayed in like a sunroom, on a couch or a fold out couch or something, and my parents went. I had to go to the school and do some work and my parents went to target in mankato and bought me bedding and stuff because I couldn't go into my room, I couldn't go get, or you know from living on campus I couldn't get my stuff and I lived with these people who were nice enough to take me in, but I don't, I don't know who they were. Yeah, I don't know. I remember almost nothing from that experience, except I do remember the sort of sunroom where I stayed.
Speaker 2:I remember, um, two other friends who came down they must have lived off campus too, jared and tom machinsky, and um, we went to a movie which was so nice and there were other guys there too, but I didn't really know them that well and I think we went and saw that movie with Meg Ryan and Nicolas Cage. What's that movie, I don't know. Oh, the soundtrack was huge. Oh, it was really sad. City of Angels yes, that was it. It is that, yes, and it was's really sad. City of Angels yes, that was it. It is that, yes, and it was a really sad movie. So it's like, here we are, I'm back down on campus. No one I know is there, except for these two dudes. Were so sweet to take me like to a movie and like, oh God, such a sad movie to watch while you're living through like kind of this weird crisis, anyway.
Speaker 1:Um, so I remember that and I remember watching the cinderella musical starring brandy and whitney houston, and that is all I remember that I I don't remember a lot of it too, yeah, and I and I wonder about that Like, have I blocked some stuff out in order to survive that time? Because there are very few things that I remember about that time. I remember being so sad all the time. Yes, I remember not really knowing who to talk to about it, because we were all really sad. We're all just trying to get through it, right? Um, it was like it was just devastation. I had never seen anything like that in person. Well, I don't know that I ever have since, you know, and by the time I got down there, people had already been cleaning things up.
Speaker 1:I went down, I think towards the end of week one, maybe the beginning of week two, on a bus from my church and we picked tiny shards of glass out of the grass in front of the chapel. Oh, wow, you know, and my dorm room was okay, but they eventually demolished that entire building because of tornado damage, but was able to when I went back. I got to go back to my room and really most maybe not most people, but a significant amount of people were, you know, you leave for spring break, you leave your room a certain way or whatever, and you come back and it is all gone and you have to, like my boyfriend's house right was right was trashed, you know. And so, like you're saying, you have to go buy, you know just, new clothing or new bedding or whatever, because the campus is, it is absolutely not the same coming back, it just it was horrible it was horrible.
Speaker 2:It was horrible and like the, you know, everybody knows how to tornadoes kind of jump and whatever, and so you would see a street that looked perfectly normal, exactly what you remember, and then you would see a street where all of the roofs are tarps and there are no trees. And one of the saddest things for us, and I think for the town I would have to assume, was the driving up the hill on college avenue of, you know, driving into gustavus. That was one of the reasons why I wanted to go there. It was such a stunning campus and all of those old trees were gone and it was so barren and it was like it, it was. It felt post-apocalyptic, it it was.
Speaker 1:It really did so sad you know, I will say I was just there a couple weeks ago with you, actually, and we drove up and I thought oh, the trees are starting to, you know, 20 some years later because, you, because right when you drive up that hill you see, the first building you see is what we call old main, and you used to not really be able to see it because the trees were covering it and then the tornado happened and that's all you could see, and so it's kind of nice to have it grown back in.
Speaker 2:it is so nice. And I'm sure you know, yeah, I'm sure that was not a and and they didn't plant brand new baby trees. They planted, you know, more mature trees to put in. But now to see it, you know, 25, whatever it is, years later, it just felt better. Yeah, it does, it felt better.
Speaker 1:I wanted to ask you something. Yeah, I don't know if you you said this to to me often and I kind of just want to like dig into it a little bit. You have said that you know what I'm gonna say. That's why you're laughing so that the tornado was your fault and you have truly believed that. Yes, and will you, would you talk about that, sure?
Speaker 2:um I, I don't you know now where to begin. Um, so, student teaching for me. I. I started student teaching in February and it was unpleasant, to say the least. It was really awful. Yeah, you hated it, it was a horrible experience for you. It was a horrible experience.
Speaker 1:You were very much mistreated by a lot of people. You were left in the dark, poor communication, all that.
Speaker 2:It was really tough, and so I student taught in English and in theater although I didn't really ever teach the theater class because the teacher my cooperating teacher didn't want to give that up. But English I taught immediately, and what they did the way the school day was set up for that year was classes were 90 minutes and then you would only have English for half the year instead of the full year, and so essentially, my first day teaching. Okay, let me just explain for those that have not had to go through the experience of student teaching. Typically, with student teaching, what you do is you go in and you observe, for a significant amount of time.
Speaker 2:Usually yeah, like I think from a lot of student teachers like they get real antsy because they're sitting and observing for like a week, two weeks, three weeks, you know cause to just sort of ease into it.
Speaker 2:And then you teach a lesson, and then you teach a half a day, and then you teach a full day, and usually you teach a lesson for like a week, a week and a half.
Speaker 2:You teach a half a day or and by half a day I mean half a class period, pardon me so you teach a half a period for a week to two weeks, then you teach the full class period for two weeks, and then you phase and you do the reverse, right, so you've been teaching a full day, then you ease back and you teach a half day, and then you ease back and you teach a lesson and then you observe or you're done Right, and that's for the student teachers benefit, but also for the kids because again, like they're kids, and then this brand new stranger comes in, essentially, like you know, whatever it's to ease the students into it as well. So for me, I found out on my very first day that I was going to be teaching half the class period. So math has never been my strong suit, but for 90-minute class periods that's 45 minutes. On my very first day I was teaching 45 minutes and on my very second day I was teaching the full 90 minutes and they left. My cooperating teachers left.
Speaker 1:They left the room and they weren't even observing you.
Speaker 2:They were not observing me. That's correct. And the only time they never observed me, unless they had to Like they were being observed, observing me, and they never came back and watched me teach. They only would come back and like for me to ask questions or whatever, and if I would ask questions or if I would suggest things, they would shoot everything down, and that didn't really bother me as much because they absolutely knew. You know, they were the experienced teachers, they knew their students, they knew these classes far better than I and I had to teach the curriculum that they had set up. But I was under, I was under sort of the idea that I could maybe create my own lessons and they basically were like no, this is what you're going to do. Yeah, and it was. Also, it was ninth grade English, and so for anybody who knows 14 and 15 year olds, you can just get an idea of how that went and and so it wasn't great. It was not a pleasant experience and I was really all out there on my own with very, very, very little help, very, very little help, and that was really tough and I remember, and the lessons they wanted me to teach were it was interesting.
Speaker 2:They taught novels, and so you would read the novel and you would assign a chapter or whatever for the night. Students would read the chapter and then you'd give them a quiz the next day, and that's kind of. And then there would be a test at the end of the book or they would have to write a paper at the end of the book or whatever. And that's what it was. But I had never read these books. So I had to read these books and I wasn't given the books, like in January or anything like that to prepare. So every single night I was up reading the books and the chapters and whatever, and then I would have to create the quizzes. And then every night I would have to come home and correct those quizzes, read the next chapter, write the next quiz, and so I was up like super duper late all the time, getting very little sleep. There were nights where I would have my friends nicole don, you were one of them, I believe um come in and help me correct the quizzes oh, yeah, I think.
Speaker 1:Oh, I forgot about that.
Speaker 2:There was a time we had, like a paper correcting party, uh-huh and oh, and they also had to journal and you guys would read their journal sometimes and help me just sort of grade those and whatever. And so it was really very, very difficult. And both of my parents were teachers and they were both incredible teachers. I came from a family of educators and a lot of friends and family friends and whatnot, so I really grew up thinking that I understood how this was supposed to go and I was just miserable and I remember calling my parents so much and just begging please just let me quit, let me quit. And I just can't imagine how awful that was for them. I cannot imagine they were so supportive. They were great.
Speaker 2:Anyway, all of this is to say I was miserable and then, to top it off, I wasn't even going to get a week of spring break to take a break from this horrible experience. And so I mean there were and be like trigger warning. I suppose it's suicidal ideation a little bit, and I did not realize that that's what it was at the time. I really didn't, but I would say things like man, if I could just get into a car accident and be in the hospital, I would not have to finish this and it would not be my fault. I didn't want to die, but I did not want to keep doing this. It was awful and I just wished and I prayed for something to happen so that I wouldn't have to continue. And then a tornado ate the town and ate the school and I was like, oh God, that is not what I meant, you know yeah and do I really think that I willed that to happen?
Speaker 2:I don't, but like, oh god, yeah, it sucked, and then I got. I got a spring break and I got to you got. You got what you wanted, and yeah so when that woman called and like yelled at me, I sort of felt like maybe she's right, maybe I deserve it.
Speaker 2:Because, maybe I just you know, but then I went back, and so when I came back and was living with these strangers, um and preparing so what we had to do, um with the high school, and the high school and the middle school were connected and I don't remember they were all in the same building, I don't remember. I think the whole building was kaput and so both the high school students and the middle school students needed to be displaced somewhere. And so, if I remember correctly, there were two elementary schools in town and the elementary kids. How did? I don't remember exactly how it worked, but some kids went to school from 6am until noon. Oh yeah, that's right, went to school from 6 am until noon.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's right. And then my kids were noon until 6 pm. I forgot about that, and I forgot about that with your students and I forgot about that with Gustavus. Is that what?
Speaker 2:classes even remained, because some were just completely canceled.
Speaker 1:Yes, they're like oh, you're fine, you know whatever you had at midterm or whatever is what is your grade? But yeah, there were some I don't know that it was that extreme. Like 6 am, it was like, well, these, this building's completely gone, we have to share space with this building, so you'd have class at a weird time, yeah.
Speaker 2:Schedules completely changed.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I don't know if I would have survived. And I don't know if I would have survived and I don't think I would have done well. I don't know how I would have gotten through it if I was the 6 am to noon shift. I will be straight up honest with you.
Speaker 1:You're not really a morning person.
Speaker 2:No, no, and I certainly wasn't at the time, because, again, reading novels you know and like writing and correcting things and trying to do everything on time.
Speaker 2:There's just no way I could have done that and gotten up to teach at 6 am, right? And also, class periods got shortened to oh gosh, I think, even less than 45 minutes. So I went from 90 minutes class periods to less than 40, less than half um, and what they did was so, anyway, the high school kids, uh, I think the middle school and the I I don't remember exactly how the elementary and the middle school students, um, worked in the morning, but then the high school or or how they split into the two different schools, but I was, I worked with the high school kids at some, you know, um, from 6 am until, or no, no, no, from noon until 6 pm, and at one point I did have to go from one elementary school to the other school. Yeah, um, for something, and and so split my day that way as well.
Speaker 2:And what happened when we came back for that was my cooperating teachers basically said we have enough to deal with I think those might have actually been their words we have enough to deal with, you're just going to take our classes, you're just going to do it. And I wanted to be like that's what I've been doing all along anyway, but I didn't. I said, okay, yeah, I'll do that. I said, but I'm going to change things. And they said we don't care, right, because at that point they're like they literally, they literally, they basically washed their hands of me at that point, which was a blessing to me I remember this and so immediately I stopped and we were not reading novels anymore, and immediately I said no more homework, because these kids don't have power, these kids don't have roofs.
Speaker 1:I am not going to give them homework. They don't even have their. What is it? Mass loss? Hierarchy of needs. They don't have their basic needs being that's exactly right.
Speaker 2:That's exactly right. They had to go home and they had to help their families or their neighbors or whatever right, or just themselves try to live with what has gone on in their town. This is their town, you town. I was just a visitor and I was like I'm not giving them homework, and I changed the lessons and we did some poetry, we did Romeo and Juliet Because, by golly, you know, I was going to throw some theater in there and that made my last month of student teaching so much better, and I hate to say that too, because here we were in a tragedy, right, and it helped me get through it.
Speaker 1:But I think that that's just like I hear you apologizing for being human right now and that's just like the human experience. Like you can, you can be in a tragedy and still need some ease. You know, like, like, especially you need some ease when you're in the middle of a tragedy like that.
Speaker 2:I would have loved to have said, like, if I would have had the power, I would have loved to have said like we're not even going to, like we're not even going to study poetry or Romeo and Juliet or whatever. Like we're going to go and clean up the neighborhood, we're going to go work on your house, or whatever. If I could have, I would have. But again, these kids only had English for half the year and I still can't get over the fact that the school, the cooperating teachers, everybody, I don't know if they didn't know, like the administration, I don't know if they didn't know what was going on, but they let me a 22 year old oh, pardon me, someone who just turned 22 yeah, yeah while we were in this whole tragedy, um, be their one and only english teacher in ninth grade english which is needed to graduate.
Speaker 2:I cannot, I cannot believe that they let that happen. But they did Right and I was Right. So, yeah, yeah, and this was also really. There was another tornado warning during student teaching, right, I remember you saying this Because we went well, I don't know I was going to say because we went until 6 pm, but I suppose a tornado can happen at any time of day, it doesn't have to be later. And I remember I was with my students in the class and everybody was really nervous because it was getting dark and it was getting green outside, and it was getting dark and it was getting green outside and it was windy, and these kids who are 14 and 15 and at times you know, lovely little teenage demons, right, um, all of a, it's just sad.
Speaker 2:It was really sad, it was fine and there was not a tornado, but terrifying right, yeah, like these kids were screaming and we, we went into the hallway and they literally did like this duck and cover scenario where they had to sit and curl and cover their heads, and I remember feeling like even the teachers were traumatized.
Speaker 1:Yes, of course, Like how could this be happening again Exactly?
Speaker 2:And I just remember being like I have to be calm. I am the only one who wasn't here when this happened before and I, as someone who cries very easily, obviously I didn't. I didn't cry, I just tried really hard to keep everybody calm and say we're going to be okay, it's going to be okay. I know this is scary. I feel like I rubbed backs and I don't know. I don't know if this is real or if this is how I just yeah, what you're remembering, right? I remember standing there and just being like whoo, I have got to be strong, because these, these, these and kids who I was, I'll be honest, I was like they drove me bananas at times and they sort of they scared me at times and they, you know, here I was like they're terrified. They're terrified little toddlers right now, you know, and they just want their parents and they just want to be safe.
Speaker 2:And it was so clear that they were not like they were having PTSD, of course, and it was awful. It was awful, but they got through it and the tornado didn't happen and I felt like I found that. I think in that moment it did also help me too. So I don't know, but I got to, I got to do that one thing. I mean, I don't know, I also started to feel like you you talk about grieving a place I started to feel and this is a little bit after, obviously, the tornado after we graduated, I I felt a sense of bitterness. Oh yeah, that like well, yes.
Speaker 2:I was so glad we got to go back.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And finish and at least have some quote unquote closure. Yeah, I will never. You and I will never in the class of 98 will never have, never did have a campus to return to that was ours. That were where everything felt like you know, our five-year reunion, our 10-year reunion, whatever. I mean after 25 years. Yes, you expect the buildings to start to look different and everything like that. Our buildings looked at different. I mean, the campus looked different before we graduated. Oh yeah, everything was different and our campus and being an alumni, like I feel a disconnect from Gustavus because of that and what's wild is I don't. I mean, I think I felt that until you and I went back there with our dear friend Jeff went back there with our dear friend Jeff.
Speaker 1:Went back there a month and a half ago.
Speaker 2:Because the way you took us through the building that we were in the most often was just like it used to be, and I was like, oh, this is like this is the same, this is the same this is the same, and it felt so good, um, and it felt like, okay, I was here.
Speaker 1:Oh, interesting. Yeah, I was here, I am. I was very bitter for a long time too.
Speaker 1:I did not want to even go near St Peter let alone school and then, when I started dating Paul, I learned that he was a professor adjunct at Gustavus, and so I I remember the first. I was like okay, I'm going to go with you to your concert and I just walked around by myself to sort of reacquaint myself with the landscape, and have since been back several times to dance and everything. But I stayed away for a good 15 years maybe. I just I, it just made me sick to my stomach to think, to even go.
Speaker 2:It just, you know, and my parents met in college and so college was always a huge and you know, you know, huge, huge connection point for them, like they have such an emotional connection to where they went to school, and I just felt like we, we were kind of robbed of that. But and then, and then there's nobody to blame. Like you can't, like, who do you get to be mad at?
Speaker 2:nobody, you don't get to and and then it's like oh, you're so selfish, your school was changed, but also a they did rebuild pretty quickly and they did I mean like there are some really great advancements that probably wouldn't have happened had it not been for the, how did not been for that?
Speaker 2:yeah but you know, and, and, and, yet that tornado really, like it, affected and changed so many people's lives down there. Like how dare I be like bitter that my senior year at a very expensive private college was affected? You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like I just yeah, but it's not just that, like sure, the buildings, whatever you know. But it's more than that. It's not just that the buildings are gone, it's that something that was home was immediately taken away, you know, and it's about the spirit of the thing. As opposed to the actual physical objects, like our home, I mean it's the same. I mean let's, let's look at it this way. What if my house burned down tonight and I called you and I said, oh, it's just a house, it doesn't matter. You would never allow me to say that no say it's more than a house right it's, your entire life was in there.
Speaker 1:And, yes, they are only things and you will replace them, but that doesn't take away the fact that your house just burnt down. I mean, that's sort of how I look at it, where it's like what once was is immediately gone, and it's the same as a death that you're unprepared for. What once was is immediately gone and you didn't have a moment to process it, you just immediately had to go to oh, now I have to build a new thing, you know, and so it's just. I just want to caution you against saying oh, doing the comparative suffering thing, because, yeah, for sure some people had it worse than you, right.
Speaker 1:Someone lost their child and I like that you have that perspective there, because you have to have that healthy perspective there. But there's room for both. There's room for your experience and my experience and the parents' experience who lost their little boy. You know like all of that is relevant. All of that is valid. You know, we lost something that can never be replaced and we didn't know we were going to lose it. Because I think there is a benefit Thinking of how, like my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly and my dad is taking his sweet time yeah, there is something to be said for having the time there is To know, you know, like, had we known that that was the last time we're walking out of our dorm, right Right, that we would have there was, it would have been different for us.
Speaker 1:We would have had an appreciation and a gratitude and a, and we would have taken some stuff, and you know. So, just sorry, I don't mean to lecture you, but like no, I mean, I think, I think for all, for all types of morning.
Speaker 2:I, I really appreciate that, like sometimes I just need permission yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do you have permission. You know it was. It was an awful time for you.
Speaker 2:It was really.
Speaker 1:And just because it was an awful time for me too, doesn't mean that your time is less awful.
Speaker 2:No, and, in all honesty, you know, my time was so unique it really was, it was. And so I never, I never had a class. I had meetings in the FEMA trailers, had meetings in the FEMA trailers, you know, I continued dating somebody who is on campus and he ended up living in a FEMA trailer. Yeah, interesting situation, you know, like like all of that was, but I never had a class in a FEMA trailer. Right, my class, you know, as a matter of fact, because I was, you know, an overachiever in certain areas, I had done a lot of extra stuff before the spring semester of my senior year. I actually didn't even have to finish out. I remember I didn't have to do a senior project. Oh right, I got that waived because essentially I mean, my guess is it probably would have been waived anyway- yeah, I think it would have been.
Speaker 2:But I was able to make the case that I had done enough Right Up to that point to sort of quote unquote, prove myself, I guess, but I would.
Speaker 2:I mean like I still, I still would love to hear. I still hear things when you say things like oh, our class schedules were changed or I had to have a. You know, there were people that would have science class in a. I'm trying to think of a totally different room, other than what a science class would be, but, like you know, like having the cafeteria on the basketball court, you know, that's the kind of stuff where it's like, oh yeah, a lot of my memories with the tornado are intertwined with student teaching and vice versa. So there's a lot like I don't know that I can ever talk or think about the tornado without thinking about student teaching. Right, it was so unique, um, but I still am interested and intrigued to hear other people's experiences during the tornado, because it is also or their experiences after the tornado um, it's because it's still so different from mine, right, because I never I didn't have any more classes on campus.
Speaker 2:You know it was, it was all you know my, my student teaching and you know, so it's still very. I mean, our experiences are so very, very different, even though we were there at the same time. So I really I mean I would, I would love to hear more about that. Even though it's been so long, there's still stories that I I didn't hear in, things that people experienced that we have no idea.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we have no idea what happened with them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's such a weird thing to have lived through, you know, like a natural disaster like that, like really, if you think about it, not very many people have an experience like that, you know, and obviously if you were living down there at the time, like I was just watching it on television, I was dealing with like the aftermath, right. So I don't even know that I can say I've lived through a tornado, because I haven't. But if you think about it, it's so rare when something like that happens and to be so close to it is just a very interesting perspective to have nothing that I ever thought about before the siren goes off. And the siren goes off, y'all, you get inside and you take cover. You don't take pictures, you don't take video, you get your booty inside a safe place. I mean, there's my psa, I guess for the for the week, but like you don't, it's just not something to mess around with right, yeah, and I and I hope I mean there have tornadoes have really been in the news a lot lately.
Speaker 2:A lot of people are going through that, yes, and I just, oh, my heart goes out to all of them and I just, you know, I, whatever's going on with the environment, I hope that we, as humans, can figure out a way to get it back on the right track, cause I don't, I don't like seeing all of that.
Speaker 1:So it's going to be common.
Speaker 2:It is, yeah, and I don't like it and I'm it's scary. It's scary Cause it's. It's a pretty horrible thing to go through for so many so many reasons.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like just layered complicated reasons. Yeah, so many reasons. Yeah, like just layered complicated yeah reasons. Yeah, well, there's a. Let's end on this high note oh, golly I know, that's okay, you're gonna come back.
Speaker 1:I'll come back sometime. There's a million things to talk about, right? I know? Yeah, I really appreciate you coming on and just talking about your perspective of what, like, how that happened, and I know it was, I know it was awful for you, yeah, and it's really great to hear that.
Speaker 1:I'm not trying to be toxic, toxic, toxic positivity here, but, like, some good things came out of it. You learned to speak up for yourself, you know you, you learned to say here's what I will accept and here's what I won't accept. You know, and, and I think, as only children, we're not always taught that you and I have very different upbringings, which is a whole another podcast. But I think, as only children, you know, we're just constantly reading the environment all the time, like, oh, how do I interact with this person? You know, and and for you to be able to say, yes, I'll do this and no, I won't do this at a younger age, you know, I think was a good thing, and I've seen you stick up for your students ever since. I mean, there's no one that takes care of their students more than Mrs Karki, for real.
Speaker 2:That's nice of you to say it is true. Oh, thank you. Thank you, you're welcome. I appreciate that. Yeah, and I you know, I know I've said this to you. Nothing prepared me more for dealing with education during a pandemic than the tornado Than the tornado. That unique experience really prepared me for another very unique experience Weird.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's weird.
Speaker 2:It was very weird but helpful and maybe a little cathartic, because I got to stick up even some more and I you know. So maybe I got to do some things 20 years later, whatever it was you know yeah that I didn't get to do back in the day, and yeah, oh, that's interesting.
Speaker 1:yeah, you're right. Wow. Well, next time we could talk about the similarities between the tornado and the pandemic Riveting, riveting, oh gosh, oh golly.
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1:I love you.
Speaker 2:I love you so much.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
Speaker 2:Thanks for having me. I hope it makes some sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely Of course it does. Thanks everybody. We'll see you next week. Thanks for healing and growing with me. Hey, everyone, if you enjoy my work and you would like to support me, there are so many ways in which to do so. You could purchase my book things. I'm thinking about a daughter's thoughts on the loss of her mom. It's on amazon and also in the show notes here. You could buy me a coffee that's also in the show notes or spending money right now is not something that you're able to do. You could always share your favorite podcast. You could tag me in a post. You could follow me on Instagram, facebook or LinkedIn. Any of those things help me out quite a bit. Thank you so much for supporting me.
