Heal & Grow with Nickie
Join your host, Nickie Kromminga Hill, and her guests on a journey of personal stories and insights into healing and growth from past and current trauma. The focus is on fostering true connections through conversations centered around vulnerability and authenticity. The goal is to collectively heal and find opportunities for growth, promoting a sense of togetherness.
Heal & Grow with Nickie
46: A Conversation with LeAnn Slama
Have you ever felt like you're not quite good enough, even when your achievements say otherwise? My friend Leanne Slama knows that feeling all too well. Join us as we reminisce about our days at Valleyfair Amusement Park and share some laughs over our various roles. Still, the heart of our chat is Leanne's incredible journey to earning her doctorate despite her battle with imposter syndrome. Listen as we celebrate her success and discuss how she overcame self-doubt to reach her goals.
Get LeAnn's journal here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1647758971/ref=cm_sw_r_as_gl_api_gl_i_G2G4M8G453YQHKDG9WHF?linkCode=ml1&tag=beingboujee-20&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR0gkpM7XLiU24Gmi_n2w6wcHF3E3860RPfkTtRqllAU66-eczfte9d39LQ_aem_Ab1dC2jZGfI-iOnlLll_cdYaP1ZJGmq352V9l9NiWSZqNTW-dio__rfWfKwXWI_BbXlg1whS11FDrckeKHpy-73J
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Welcome to Heal and Grow with Nikki. I'm your host, nikki Kraminga-Hill. Here we talk about everything Grief, hope, illness, work, family, tragedy, possibilities, fun stuff and not so fun stuff. It's all on the table. Let's take a look at our lives and work to heal and grow together. I'm so glad you're here. Hello everyone, I hope you're doing great. I'm really excited to introduce you to my special guest, leanne Slamma, whose last name I just learned how to pronounce about one minute ago, even though I've known you for 20 some years, yeah, a really long time.
Speaker 1:A really long time.
Speaker 2:Since 1995.
Speaker 1:Okay, Was that my Okay? So we met at Valley Fair Amusement Park.
Speaker 2:Talking.
Speaker 1:I don't even know how much I've talked about Valleyfair on this podcast.
Speaker 2:Oh, really yeah.
Speaker 1:I used to work at Valleyfair everybody, so I was doing a country show in 95 in the Red Garter Saloon. May it rest in peace. Now it's something stupid called Stadium Pizza, but I'm not bitter.
Speaker 2:Let it go.
Speaker 1:Let it go.
Speaker 2:And Leanne was serving, yeah, yes, in this very flammable red short dress with a little white, with a little white apron. We were like saloon girls yeah, not great, not a great look at all, um, but yeah, that's where our worlds first collided, yes, and then you were at valley fair a lot long.
Speaker 1:I mean a long time.
Speaker 2:I was there through 98 so I was there and then I left, and then I came back at times so I ended up having this really great job. Which employee relations coordinator, which was really like you, hosted parties for all the employees, yes, which was great right. So, like after hours, some of the rides are open just for the employees and pizza served, or whatever so you just get to kind of socialize, and those were things that I coordinated.
Speaker 2:So I actually love that aspect of it because it allowed me to be this extrovert that I thought I was.
Speaker 1:I remember you were really good at that job. Oh, thank you. Yeah, that I thought I was, I remember you were really good at that job.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you. Yeah, I think I was faking it the whole time, just so you know that goes so well with what we're about to talk about right yes, yes, because I was just like that's a lot of work to be so happy all the time that you just oh yeah, oh yeah, exhausted.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're like I can't keep doing this, yeah they literally it. Leanne just got her doctorate. I have to share that with everybody because I think it's a big effing deal. Congratulations, thank you. What do you plan on doing with your?
Speaker 2:doctorate, oh gosh, you know, it's been years in the making and it was one of those things that I never thought that I would be able to do.
Speaker 1:I wasn't smart enough.
Speaker 2:I didn't have the skill set for it, which is the only reason why I kind of went out to do it, Because I have been in the field of education pretty much my entire career. There's not like a big incentive by any means financial incentive to complete your doctorate at all. So I don't know right now.
Speaker 1:That's okay, you don't have to. Oh for sure.
Speaker 2:I just think it's awesome that there's a doctor in my house. Oh gosh, I don't want to hear about your ailments or you could teach me about my ailments. I told my girlfriends I was just like I promise when they ask for a doctor on the airplane I will not raise my hand.
Speaker 1:I am. I'm a doctor, right, so this is so awesome that Leanne's even in my house right now, because you live near Denver.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, five years yes.
Speaker 1:And so Leanne reached out, I don't know like a month ago, to just completely chat about something completely different. And then I was like, hey, I'm going to be in town for a couple of weeks. I was like, great, you're going to be on a podcast. And what did I say? You said, no, I don't think I want to do that. I said, yeah, there's no way I could do that.
Speaker 1:I cannot do that and I, I mean, I wanted to respect that, Like if someone tells me, no, I'm not someone to push. But it was very interesting that you were like no, that's not. I don't think that's for me, Because it wasn't like you said. No, I don't like podcasts or anything like that. It was. I don't think that I could do something like that.
Speaker 2:Right, I don't think that I could do something like that, right, because I feel like I'm not sure I have any content that would be of value for anyone to hear, so I don't want to waste people's time, which goes back to the topic that we're about to talk about, which is about being an imposter and this feeling of faking it till you make it.
Speaker 2:So I didn't, and which is what I said to you. I said like, as I articulate this to you, I am recognizing the fact that this is my imposter syndrome that's creeping up, that's saying to me you're not smart enough to do this. So therefore, I really got to lean in and do it. So I have a lot of anxiety, but I'm going to do this.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're gonna be fine friend. Um, no one has died so far. Thank you, yeah, good to know. This is extra interesting to me because will you tell the folks at home what you just have done and what you are about to start selling?
Speaker 2:oh yeah, so um, I got my doctorate through St Mary's University and when I started the program I told my advisor this is going to be a stretch for me. I don't know if I'm going to be, able to do this.
Speaker 2:I feel like I am just like this fraud. And she said oh, you have imposter syndrome. And of course I was like what the heck is that? I had no idea what it was and just the idea of it has lingered and held on to it for all these years.
Speaker 2:That I decided when it came time for my dissertation topic was like I really wanted to talk to female leaders and I specifically focus on K-12 superintendents, who had less than 10 years of experience, but I wanted to talk about their lived experiences as having imposter syndrome and what I kind of learned along the way was like A, a lot of women have it and they don't know what it's called.
Speaker 2:And B, like there's not a ton of research or support out there, whether it be like conversations about it or networks of support or actual like book resources to provide. So I had this phenomenal experience talking to nine women across the United States regarding their experiences with imposter syndrome and then how they were trying to tackle it. Not even some of them didn't even know what they had right. They just thought it was like this lack of confidence that they were experiencing. So when I got done with my research, I was just. Like you know, I have to do more, so that is where I came up with some journaling. So I have a journal that's coming out shortly that is called Conquer the Impostor Within, and it's a 52week journal that has a midweek reflection each week as well, but it's the strategies of which to help someone kind of overcome that feeling of being an imposter.
Speaker 1:You guys. I will link all this in the show notes. Leanne brought a sample of her journal today so that I could see it, and it is firstly, it's just pretty like I like how things are packaged.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm such a sucker like.
Speaker 1:Anytime I go shopping, I am the person that's like, oh, this, this, this. And then I open up the package and I'm like, oh, never mind but, anyway, it's beautiful, but but the prompts, the prompts are. So what do I want to say? You can get super reflective. I just think I'm super impressed with this.
Speaker 1:I'm super impressed with Leanne that she did this and I can't wait for you to see it Because, like, really the only way out is through you for pretty much everything yeah you know, I truly believe that if someone um buys your journal and goes through the 52 weeks like they're exiting the program for lack of a better word because it's a journal, but they're exiting the program like understanding themselves, understanding where their imposter syndrome really started and how to just have their confidence back and how they can just like own their power.
Speaker 1:Because really I don't think that we I don't think we're we're not born with imposter syndrome or thinking that we're less than or whatever. It is Like that's something that's instilled in us as we, as we grow up, and then all of a sudden we're mid forties and we're like uh yeah, that was actually one of the questions I asked.
Speaker 2:The females was like when was the first time that you remember experiencing imposter syndrome? What?
Speaker 1:did they say? I mean, I realize you talked to nine people, but yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's interesting, because one woman and I have to be careful, right, can't use names but she said that she grew up in a home that was an abusive home, right, but on the outside no one would be able to tell. So she's like. I went to school each and every day with a smile on my face. My teacher had no idea that I was staying up late to make sure that my mom wasn't being abused by my dad. Oh my gosh. And she said that is the time that I remember that I was having like two faces. I was having to put a mask on when I left my house and coming home to something completely different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you know completely different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you know it. Yeah, right, and other times where it was about being on stage, people you know referred to it kind of like analogy wise, about like being on stage having multiple masks to wear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and going into like performance mode.
Speaker 2:Yes, completely. You know, I think that happens to a lot of us at times, right, that we are trying to be like I'm going to be this extrovert and it's going to be fantastic, right. But then, like for myself, that drains me, like I am this extrovert, introvert, because I refill my bucket, I recharge, by being alone or in smaller groups yes, me too Than being, you know, with a large group of people. I can do the large group of people thing, but then I just need some other time to get away from it. So I mean, it was really insightful to hear these women kind of be reflective. So I think that that's part of this, is reflective aspect of it. But then the intentionality to do and be better, yeah, and that is where, like, the actual work comes in, where I think, like sometimes we fall short on that. We make a short term commitment to something but it's not going to change in the short term.
Speaker 2:No it has to be like this longer term commitment to state that you know I acknowledge this, I know I have to do better about it and I acknowledge it and I'm going to share it with other people, right? So these, these group of women that I talked with, you know, small group of female superintendents anyway, across the nation, I'm sure? Yeah, there's some recent research from the Wallace Foundation that it will take us 80 years for male and female superintendents to be equal percentage.
Speaker 1:Oh, come on. 80 years, 80 years Isn't that crazy. We thought we were better than that, yeah.
Speaker 2:But yet when you look at educational classrooms right K-12, the majority of them are female teachers. Right when you look at administration and additional leadership, it is males. So part of this research was really trying to figure out, like how did you get to where you were? Like what were the steps that you took to get there and who helps you along the way. And then how do we repay that to those other women to get them into leadership?
Speaker 2:I love that, because I think that it's yet again a roadblock that people experience, especially females, because some of the behaviors that are exhibited by men right Like fierce leadership, bold decision making you know, all of these things are characteristics of like a strong leader. But sometimes, often when looking at a female leader right like they're can I swear? In your podcast, you can swear Okay, great Like she's a bitch.
Speaker 1:Yeah right, she's hardcore, you know what I mean. And she's doing the exact same things, following the exact same steps, as the male Right.
Speaker 2:But we have a different level of expectation for female leaders, as we do for males. So some of that, I think, is like understanding that, how gender plays a role in all of this, sure, and then also about, like I said, all of these strategies to try to overcome. So these I was going back, sorry, these female leaders that I spoke to I said like do you talk about this with other female leaders? Like you're in a group, you're in a state group with other superintendents and there's other females. Have you ever talked about it? And it was like shame.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, no, we don't talk about that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:No way at all, cause I no way at all, because I don't want them to view me as being less than Right. So for sure, we're not talking about it with other male leaders, but I'm still not. I don't want to show weakness with other female leaders, but I can almost guarantee you people who wouldn't have qualified for my study was like below 45, okay, um, which is, you know, more manageable, uh, but those of the 90 level are getting up every day questioning what they're doing, why they're doing it right, um, they put in a lot of extra work in preparing just to ensure that they don't get caught not knowing something. Oh, my gosh, right, so it's exhausting to them.
Speaker 1:I'm just thinking. I was just thinking like what I? I do understand it on a certain level, but not only is exhausting, but just like just so much extra work, just because you feel like you have to prove yourself over and over and over again and right and just it's just not sustainable right and I asked the women about like so when will you know that you're over this right?
Speaker 2:how, how will you ever overcome this?
Speaker 1:yeah, what. So what do they say? Like is there an end point?
Speaker 2:I don't think there is. Personally, yeah, I can't imagine myself without having imposter syndrome. And one of the women was just like. I loved her response of like it's just me, it's like who I am. It's who I am, it's a part of my DNA right of it, and to me that's also scary because I'm like I don't want to live like this the rest of my life, Right?
Speaker 2:I don't want to be continually questioning myself and like have this fear that's above me, in the sense of like I'm going to go to work and my boss is going to say, like who? In'm also not quite sure, and me being you know, a doctor that I am that studied this area, like I'm not even quite sure that I'll ever be able to get over this, yeah, but it's one of those things that like I have to try because I can't. I'm not sure I can continue going down the same path.
Speaker 2:That I have been going and that there has to be some type of different structure of it or different avenues of trying different strategies. I wish to assist and I think part of it is just like. The first step for me is like having a conversation about it.
Speaker 1:And just the awareness, just owning up. Yep, I actually am not feeling like I have any worth right now. I find like there's so much power in just saying the thing out loud Exactly right. Because then the thing out loud, exactly right. Because then it's out there, everyone's heard you, or whomever you're talking to has heard you Nine times out of ten. The person you're talking to is like oh, me too, right. And you're like oh, I have a connection here.
Speaker 1:I'm not all alone I feel like I'm all alone, but I'm not Right and just owning yeah yep, I'm not all alone. I feel like I'm all alone, but I'm not, and just like just owning. Yeah, yep, I am not confident in myself.
Speaker 2:Start there, right? And you know, one thing that I say to the female leaders was about like so if somebody said that to you, what would be your response? Like, would you think less of that person, right? And then you said, like, actually no, I think more of that person that they were willing to articulate it, that they were had the courage to step forward to say something about it. So I said so why is it okay for them to say it but not for you?
Speaker 1:to say it.
Speaker 2:Right, and I think you know it provides an opportunity for you know these leaders to be reflective about that, to be like, oh yeah, why do I hold myself to a different standard of accepting something than what I would hold, you know, a peer to? Yes, right, yes, and I think for some of these superintendents it would be more challenging to have that conversation with their board of education right yes. Board of education has one employee and that's the superintendent.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And it's really challenging to come forward with your weaknesses. Right To be able to say, like you know, I'm not super confident in this job. Right, like I'm not sure about all of this and I know if I was sitting on the board side I'd be like whoa Chika you know I'm very worried about this. Like I just hired you to be you know, I thought that you were going to be in a LeBowlin China shop here, trying to get this job done here, right?
Speaker 2:So I'm worried about that. But in the other side of it it's just like but yet you're acknowledging it. And now it's like what can I do to support you? How can I continue to give you praise and recognition and ways that resonate with you so you know that we believe that you're doing a great job and that you're doing good for kids in this situation, and that we see your leadership and your values and your mission being lived out every day in our organization. Right, because it's going to take like that type of repeated behavior over and over and over again in order for you to start changing your inner thinking and your inner feelings about yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and when I'm teaching, um, choreography, uh, I I have this saying that actually was passed down to me from a friend, but it's, repetition breeds recognition and I'm not someone who likes to repeat things. I am someone and I think I'm probably pretty typical in this where I, if I'm going to do it, I want to do it very well the first time, um, even though what's so interesting about that is like I made my living singing, dancing and acting and I've never gotten any of it right the first time. But just, I just wanted to like stop here and just validate what you're saying. Just repetition, it's all about repetition. You know, I also heard this other. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna pull out facts from my butt today because I don't know if these are real or not, but I heard that like you need seven touch points before you remember something?
Speaker 1:you know. And so when you're talking about how do I support my staff members, my teachers, my friends who are acknowledging that they feel this deficiency, it's like, well, I'm going to be here to support you and I'm going to have to continue to do that multiple times until you start to feel it for yourself or you start to understand what I'm saying. Yeah, and I just think that we forget that.
Speaker 2:we forget that you know no one no one shows up a perfect human being and the word that I would add to that is the intentionality.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, like I'm going to be intentional about how I'm going to how I'm going to show up for somebody else, as well as how I'm going to show up for yourself yep, right, I think one of the journal prompts that in um the, the journal that I am publishing.
Speaker 2:That really resonated with me and I'm like I don't even know why, but like one of the questions was like when other people see you, what do they see? And then the second column is when you look in a mirror, what do you see, right, and is it similar or is it different, right? And then how do you, how do you get more towards how other people see you, right, because my columns would look very different Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:It would look very different about it.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of people's would. Other people are so much kinder to me than I am to me.
Speaker 2:And why, though, yeah?
Speaker 1:yeah, great question. I need a journal to think about it. Great, I know I can find one. How did you find these women to interview, like, did you just research?
Speaker 2:like female superintendents. It's like the worst thing ever to try to do. Um, so I yes I went online to try to find like list serves of female superintendents. Usually you can find them like by state, so that I literally just went through to be like that sounds like a female name, so I added them to the list and then I just did like kind of like blind emailing them to say like this is what I'm doing, this is kind of your time commitment that we'd be looking at if you qualify Right, take this quiz first. I use a Clancy imposter survey.
Speaker 1:You can find it online for free.
Speaker 2:I've done it In order for you to see where you fall on the scale of 0 to 100 for having imposter syndrome, and those that were at that higher end were the ones that were invited to participate in it. And I'll be honest, while I was doing this, I kind of felt like I took the easy way out, because I felt like we probably know this about female leaders, like, yeah, we know that maybe this is a feeling that more females experience than males. So as I was doing this, I was just like, oh man, I kind of wish I would have focused on male superintendents and do they feel imposter syndrome?
Speaker 2:I bet they do. How many of them would be willing there you go Right To acknowledge it, to show up and say, yep, this is where I am on. I bet they do. How many of them would be willing?
Speaker 1:There you go, right To acknowledge it To show up and say, yep, this is where I am on this scale.
Speaker 2:And to actually have really deep conversations about it. Many of the women were like I feel like this is a therapy session. I'm like, great, I'll send you a bill. I do that. But I was just like I don't know if I would have had the same experience with men. But I was just like I don't know if I would have had the same experience with men. But I do think it would have been really powerful to kind of hear how some men struggle with it, because I think that it's got to be true, it's got to resonate for some men as well.
Speaker 2:I just don't think we're as open discussing it, right Because we set up this expectation that women are more open to talk about their feelings than men are. So part of me feels like I, you know, fell into this trap of you know, following the stereotype of women and feelings, where I should have went and done something kind of a little bit more outside the box. So, yes, I agree, maybe my next study will focus on men. We'll see.
Speaker 1:Well, how okay. So this whole thing started because you had someone say to you sounds like you have imposter syndrome. Has your imposter syndrome changed at all? After doing this research, after publishing this journal, did you learn? Did you learn anything new about yourself?
Speaker 2:you know, it's interesting because I don't remember having imposter syndrome until I started to kind of advance in my career. So, like as a classroom teacher, I felt confident in what I was doing. I was a sign language interpreter, I was decent at that. I moved into building administration. You know, like, like you know, it wasn't until I became chief of staff at.
Speaker 2:Minneapolis Public Schools that I was like, whoa, yeah, because that's a big deal. How did I get here? Yeah, you know, even my boss at that time, michael Gore, phenomenal leader, and Dr Bernadette Johnson, also phenomenal leader was this idea of, like I just happened to be the right person at the right time it wasn't my skill set that got me this job.
Speaker 2:I just happen to be someone that can kind of like decode for them or be the mole to tell them what's really going on and what people really feel right like that's kind of the job of chief of staff um. So I kind of felt like I was just like the right person at the right time for that type of an experience.
Speaker 2:And then it was just like, oh, now I'm going to go to Colorado Springs and be the chief of staff. And then it really hit again when I got to Denver, because as a chief of staff at Denver Public Schools we had like 205 schools and like 86,000 students.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, it was. You know the largest district I'd been in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm like what am I doing here? Like I am small town girl from Janesville Minnesota. You're from Janesville Minnesota? Yeah, no, I know.
Speaker 1:I'm familiar. That's where you were from. Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:Yes, a town of like 1200 people. Yes, um, what am I doing? I know nothing. I, you know, and it just kind of, you know, my imposter syndrome kind of came to a boiling point at that point to be like I I'm not sure I have value to add here, right, um, and that's where I was just like, okay, I got to figure this out yeah like I can't, I don't want to continue to live like this.
Speaker 2:Um, so I think for myself it's more of acknowledging, when it comes to light, yeah, and then really trying to figure out, like, the strategies that work for me and the strategies that don't work for me, which is really hard to do sometimes, like because what works for me isn't going to work for you Right, right.
Speaker 1:What are some of the strategies you use? Trial and error.
Speaker 2:So you know, I think affirmations are so cheesy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but they work.
Speaker 2:I'm trying really hard. I completely agree with you. I just it's in the book, it's part of you know the strategy of it, but I'm just like I, you know, I don't know why, because it's me questioning myself, right, right, why would I put such greatness out there about myself? Like, shouldn't I be humble? Shouldn't I be? You know all of these things, but it's just like no, like this is what you have to say to get over this. Right, a lot of it is a reflection.
Speaker 1:Right About Yep. Why do I feel this?
Speaker 2:way, why do I feel and we had kind of spoken earlier about when something happens, maybe this is what I was trying to think about before but, um, when something happens like we have this fear of something happening. So what if it happens? Yeah, what happens then? Right, so one of the exercises in the book is, like you know, like I am fearful of whatever the situation is. So for myself, I'm going to be graduating soon and I think it's like a hooding ceremony. I feel like when my advisor is going to put the hood on me, she's going to be like, uh, actually you're not taking this off, right?
Speaker 2:You know, like, actually you didn't earn this type of deal, and it's a fear I have, yeah, right, so then I have to think through it of like. So what happens if that happened, right, like, what happens if she actually did that Right, well, I guess I'd be embarrassed. B we'd have to have a conversation about right as a but I'm not gonna die.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not gonna. It's gonna be a little bit traumatic, it would be emotional, but I'm gonna be able to get through right, right, right. I think sometimes we just hold ourselves back with a lot of the what?
Speaker 1:ifs, exactly, and I love this idea of okay, let's say that the what if happens. Let me, let me play that out in my mind, right, exactly you know, how bad would it actually? Yes, I'd be embarrassed. I think is probably what's going to happen through all of these what-if situations, but like it's going to be okay, right. So I love that idea of like I'm going to play, I'm going to play that negative or that fear. I'm going to play it out all the way through and see where I get.
Speaker 2:Which comes back to a lot of, you know, other strategies like over-preparing, right, Because what if this happens? Okay, I'm going to respond with this right. If I'm in a staff meeting and a teacher calls me out about something you know, like I don't know the answer to it, right? So what am I going to say, right? Oh, I'm going to get back to you. Great question, I'll get back to you in 24 hours or 48 hours, make sure you follow up type of deal.
Speaker 1:Right, there you go.
Speaker 2:If that's the what if situation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if I don't know the answer to a question, I can always say I don't know the answer to that. Could I please have some time Right?
Speaker 2:And that's again a strategy right Of like trying to overcome the imposter syndrome. Yeah, this idea of like of how all these fears that we have right, that are holding us back, think them through Right, like what is it, what is it really going to mean if something like that happens? And and then I think like it's supposed to take away some of that anxiety.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that it, I think that it could, and I also think this is from a previous conversation that we were having earlier. But you know where? Where is that? Uh, where is that coming from?
Speaker 2:where is that fear coming from?
Speaker 1:why? Where is that worry coming from? And I was telling leanne just the way that I was brought up, um, just in my family I have, I have reason to be afraid of certain things. But also, I'm not a little girl anymore, I'm a grown-ass woman supposedly, so I don't have to be afraid of that anymore because it's not going to happen. Yeah, we talked about that. Right, those are.
Speaker 2:some of the questions that I asked you about was like so what? So what? If that happened Right, Then what?
Speaker 1:Then what? Then, what do you do?
Speaker 2:Nothing actually, I guess I'm fine.
Speaker 1:Right, I'm safe, but how?
Speaker 2:do we trust ourselves on that, and how do we? You know like? I think it all comes back to the intentionality of it, right? Like being intentional in our thinking, being intentional in our strategies, being intentional with our timing of things. You know, and and making the effort for all of those things. I think it's really critical. So, it, it takes work, you know like if well, I think that's.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you said that earlier and I wanted to. I'm glad you said it again, because it takes reflection and work and I think a lot of times and I'm being you know, this is a general statement, but I think a lot of times we do the reflection, which is necessary, like you know, you want to know why you're doing what you did, or you know, but then you have to do extra work and I feel like we don't want to do the work, oh for sure, and I think that that's a reason why we're kind of broken is because we, we refuse to.
Speaker 1:you know, take the time and energy to really do some, to really yeah, I don't know what else I want to say about that.
Speaker 2:I was. I you know personally. I had a lot of loss in my life, which is one of the things that brings us together as friends.
Speaker 2:In 2019, I lost my brother to cancer and in 2020, I lost my dad, who had Alzheimer's but also contracted COVID. During that time, and shortly after my dad died, I kind of I decided I was going to take a retreat to Mexico. So I packed up my little dog, rudy, and we went to live in Mexico for 30 days, and the first day that I arrived I was like, oh hell, no, there is no way I'm going to be able to get through 30 days of this. And it was Rudy, it was me, it was self-help books. There's this amazing book, a workbook that I actually utilized, that was about loving yourself. Yeah, self-love, it was phenomenal, um, but it was all about that. I did like paint by number. I love that. I was just like being me right you put yourself on a little retreat.
Speaker 2:Totally, I didn't know what I was doing, right? Yes, that's exactly what I was doing about it. And I said to my girlfriends when I came home, I was just like, oh, I came home with more baggage than I left with. And they were like what do you mean? And I'm like, because I started to work through things, I started to really unpack, yes, and it gets messy first.
Speaker 1:It gets messy before it starts to get clean.
Speaker 2:It's awful, yes, like I came home and I'm like I feel like maybe I'm more confused than I was before, and at times I think that I'm like I'm more confused than I was before, I you know, and and at times I think that I'm like I'm just going to zip up those emotions back in that bag and put it in the back of the closet.
Speaker 1:You know what I?
Speaker 2:mean, but I'm like it's still there, I still have to figure it out. I still have to like continually unpack it, but I think it's like this intentionality of this space to do that, and in our day-to-day lives that's super challenging. It's really hard to do that. Yes, so that's, you know, one of those things where I still struggle with that. And I know you and I were talking earlier about, like my current midlife crisis, but I don't the current one.
Speaker 2:There's been a lot, but it's one of those things of, like I said to Nikki, like I'm actually trying to find like the better version of myself for the second half of my life. I love that, instead of it being a midlife crisis so no sports car, no, nothing along those lines that are, you know, bookmarking my current midlife crisis. But I'm really wanting to take that time because I think back to those 30 days that I had and that forever changed my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I had. You know, I was blessed with the opportunity to do it. I had a boss that was like it's COVID, we're working remote. You know it was winter break for two of those weeks. You know, not a ton happening, like you can do your job from anywhere, and I think back to that to be like that is the most growth I've had, because I was alone and I had to figure it out. Yes, right.
Speaker 1:I had to. That's lovely, because really the only person who can do the work is you, correct? We try so hard to push it off on other people and, oh, if you just do this or you just do that, but really it's all about us and that's all we can really control.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, and the self-love workbook that I had utilized at the time was, you know, was really going back to the root of feeling of things. So, in whatever situation, you know like I feel sad. Well, why do I feel sad? Why is it making me feel sad? Right, well, I'm disappointed in myself, I'm frustrated. I had different expectations in my head, like there's a whole long list of why it makes me myself I'm frustrated. I had different expectations in my head, like there's a whole long list of why it makes me sad, right yeah, and a lot of times we don't acknowledge like that second part of it.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yes, I acknowledge that I'm sad, I acknowledge I'm depressed, right. But what has caused that? Right, because we have to get to the root of it in order to solve for it, right, instead of being stuck in the fact of, like I'm sad, I'm depressed, right, but I gotta figure out, like, what's making me feel this way in order to try to problem solve for it, and that, like I said, takes time and it creates more baggage temporarily.
Speaker 1:So yeah, but then you get, then you pack it all back up and you're like, oh my gosh, I actually have less than I had before it's lighter weight.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna get a new set, yeah, of baggage, and it's gonna be cute this time maybe I could go from like check bag size to like carry-on size right like it's just is gonna, yes, and it's more manageable because you've learned kind of on ramps and off ramps, right. Especially you can't necessarily be willing to tackle everything all at the same time, right, and there's a time and a place, you know, for certain topics and you may not be ready to tackle a certain topic.
Speaker 2:But, yet I think you know, in due time it will come to be.
Speaker 1:Whatever will be, will be.
Speaker 2:So, yes, I encourage everyone like, have that time. Whatever that looks like In the journal that I've created, it's a 52-week thing. It doesn't have to be 52 weeks. You could do it, you know, in a shorter period or you could do it in two years.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Three years right.
Speaker 1:But offer yourself that chance to get some work done. Yeah, allow that space in your life, right?
Speaker 2:And to be vulnerable, right, and to be like okay, I'm just going to write, I'm not going to worry about the spelling of it, I'm not going to worry about grammar, I am just going to write. And while it's a workbook, do it online if you want to Like. Start a Word document, if that's the way in which that you process things right. Do a memo on your phone, you know whatever it is. Do a memo on your phone, you know whatever it is. But like there's so much intentionality behind the questions that are asked there you know it's 52 journal prompts with a midweek reflection each week. That really ties back to the journal prompt but very intentionality, like the intentional aspect of like, why am I asking this question? What is it going to lead to? And then reflecting on it later, right, say like, okay, how am I doing with this? Where am I at with it? Yeah, and is it? Am I utilizing it to take steps forward?
Speaker 1:I think I think that you've created an incredible resource. I truly, I truly do, and I'm um, I'm excited to see like what this might. You know what doors might open for you? Um, or maybe you and I'll collab on something at some point. Sneak peek, sneak, peek y'all. Leanne, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. You did such a good job. I hope you don't feel like you're an imposter.
Speaker 2:You should see my pits. I'm sweating like crazy.
Speaker 1:It was so good to have you on.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much Thank you for the opportunity, for allowing me to share and to be vulnerable and to really encourage people to have like those individual reflections themselves.
Speaker 1:I think like this is a great opportunity for us to change.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Thank you. Yes, hey everybody. Thanks so much for listening and, as always, thanks for healing and growing with me. Hey everyone, If you enjoy my work and you would like to support me, there are so many ways in which to do so. You could purchase my book Things I'm Thinking About A Daughter's Thoughts on the Loss of Her Mom. It's on Amazon and also linked in the show notes. Here you could buy me a coffee, Mmm coffee. That's also linked in the show notes. Or spending money right now is not something that you're able to do. You could always share your favorite podcast. You could tag me in a post. You could follow me on Instagram or Facebook or LinkedIn. Any of those things help me out quite a bit. Thank you so much for supporting me.
