Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Mr. Pick Me and the Man Hater, which, as you all know, came from a lovely troll's comment as the name for me and Cheska. Today, we have a special guest, Kaylee Cressa, and she is joining us as someone else. who likes to shred bad men on the internet, but also receives her fair share of hate comments. And let's just give them a little sampling of the things that we receive. I have no idea why your videos are coming across my page, that you may be the biggest douchebag I've ever seen in my life, and I've traveled the world! Congratulations! He did congratulate me, though. I love how you had to qualify that he was well traveled. That's just Just so you know. Just so you know, I have not lived in my little town. Exactly. I have left my mother's basement. More than once. More than once. Oh god. So I had one where a man told me that my attitude is why no one will give me their seed. That's why no men, no man will give me their seed, which just in case anyone doesn't know, I have a child. So I've gotten the seed and it has been fertilized on top of that. So I had made a video talking about how you have to like unlearn abuse. So, you know, this idea that if you had a boyfriend that always punched the steering wheel, you know, you would tend to, to freeze up, right? So you're all admitting that you're emotionally and intellectually inferior to us since you're so easily manipulated into rewiring your brains. Damn, I'm so happy I don't have such a victim mentality, bitch. And also, he spelled your wrong, so. They always do, but I just They always do! Why? Why? The simplest of grammar! Like, if you're trying to make it look like we're idiots, maybe use the correct form of your I don't know. Yep! It's just me. Oh, I love the bitch at the end. I got one because I dared to talk about Matt Rife. Guys, I called him trash, which I stand by because he was making fun of a woman's genitalia that he dated on a podcast. So, I'm gonna give that a go. That's a, a stand by my opinion. And he said, before calling someone trash, look at yourself in the mirror. Even if I look like trash, he's still trash. Trash does not negate trash. But like, A plus for originality. No, you are. Like, okay. I know you are, but what am I? And I love, it's someone else. It's Matt Rife. It's a stranger you don't know. For the boys, you gotta, you gotta come in for defense. Yes! For the locker room talk. Yes! I did something on Adam Sandler one time. Not him as a person, but one of his movies. Then the boys come out on that one. They were like, Oh, dare you. Adam Sandler, the greatest actor of our generation. Have you seen Happy Gilmore? Billy Madison. I was like, guys, I'm sorry. I didn't say Adam Sandler was a horrible person. I was talking about a fictitious character in a movie. Right. Right. It just happened to be played by Adams. Well, and that's the thing, right? Because you make such a good point. They're not defending Adam Sandler as a person, they are defending Adam Sandler as Happy Gilmore. Or they're defending him as the, you know, the person they've seen in the movies. They, their attachment is to a character. Did you see him win that golf tournament? He's great. He was a great hockey player. He made it all the way through grade school. Yeah, I think I might have also mentioned the fact that like, The casting in his movies, it's always like men who are older and are not probably like as aesthetically pleasing based with young models, right? You're like, okay, we need to take a time out. But it's clear, it's clearly appealing even in a comedic fashion. It's still, once again, going for the male gaze of like, this is fulfilling fantasies for men. It's like, I'm who's, who's Adam Sandler's primary audience. It's. It's young men, right? And then this is a way for them to also jump into that fantasy. He's featuring more realistic looking actors, right? I will always be on the side of anybody actually trying to represent what we actually see day to day, right? So I'm, I'm all for that. But like you just said, it's not like a realistic men, realistic women. It's realistic men. With supermodels. Rosario Dawson. Like, okay, okay. Well, that's the thing, too, is it's like, my friend calls it the Kevin James effect, which is like, these guys get this idea because they see these movies, and a lot of times it's like, the girl does not like him. The guy and then eventually he wins her over through usually like some form of manipulation. Like usually it's not like like she He wins her over and she's like, oh This whole time I should have gone for you. Like even like mall ball court mall cop. You're like You have the audacity to To speak ill of Kevin James. Do you know how much I resemble that man? Zero percent. Like, what? I am a round man with a small Italian wife. Do you know how much I've connected with the King of Queens? I am the King of Queens! But, it's funny, because we were just talking about this, like, I feel like this is another phenomenon. I'm trying to be careful here, but I'm like, you know what? I really don't care below average men with really with above average women. But every time that scenario happens, every time we have one of those pairings, I feel like Almost always, the above average woman reports being treated like absolute shit by the below average man. And, you know, we could unpack this for the next ten hours, so I don't want to go on like a rant, but there's something to be said for that, right? This, this idea of, hey, you make me feel bad about me. Just existing. And so I'm going to make you feel bad about you. I know we talked about that on Reagan's podcast about the the wedding vows or, or something similar about how the guy that did that really degrading wedding vows about what's, what's the goal is. Like it's clearly, he knows that he's not. This God's gift to the world, to women, to anybody who wants to believe. And so what he has to do is try to bring her down as much as possible. So that the narrative of why she's even with him makes any sense. And just because we were just talking about hate comments. I have to say I got more hate on that video on the video of me kind of dissecting those vows For men and women a lot of hate and all I kept thinking to myself because I really do sit there after and try to say Like listen Why did people take this the way that they do? Am I off about my point like, you know, I really tried to dissect these things with myself And the only thing I could come up with is how many women You Are constantly kind of explaining away the bad behavior from their spouse And they love that man, but they don't like the way that that man might humiliate them in public And so maybe it got a little personal for some of them, you know, and they could maybe see themselves reflected in her Which I think speaks to a bigger issue, but it was it was pretty fascinating. Yeah, and I think something that's interesting too like jumping a little bit back to when you're talking about the below average by societal standards Right guy, I think also those dudes probably have had bad experiences with women They've probably had women they pined after they've probably been rejected a lot And I feel like they get with the girl. They think they deserved this whole time And I feel like they take out every single time They felt less than because of a woman probably not by her own, you know, probably not her intention But that's how they felt. I feel like they punish You The girl that they get once they have power over her. Absolutely. And I, I think you, you hit that directly on the head because when you, when you really break it down, you sit there and say, How many men who have been mistreated by women go on this, this kind of mission to break someone's heart just to make someone feel as bad as they were made to feel. And I actually have had these conversations with men sometimes in public, like if men recognize me and they come up to me always, you know, sometimes they spit on me, sometimes they yell at my face, but the few, Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. My, my in person interactions are interesting to say the least. But the few that have been willing to talk to me always want to quote the way that women have mistreated them. And somehow that's justification for their hatred towards women. And You know, it kind of amazes me. We'll see men say, Oh, well, don't take the behavior of one man, you know not all men, but they have no problem making all women pay for the action of one. And also every video is all women. Every single video we, we watch is all women are this way. All every single one. There's it's so, the disconnect is so wild. Every single I, the amount of times I've said in a video, women are not in a monolith and the amount of men that get upset at the idea that women are individuals and they, they, they don't all think under one complete hive mind is so upsetting. Naya Papaya. She's, she's awesome. She's like, I think she's a doctor now, isn't she? Did she just get her doctorate? Yeah, she just got, she just defended, yeah. Anyways, I love her. I think she's great. But she talked about the idea that like, part of, like, sexism and objectification is men have this It's the idea of fungibility with women because they see them as objects. They're like, Oh, it can just slot in. It's the same for every person. Their inability to see them as people makes them speak that way because they're like, well, this will work on every woman because you can just swap them. It's all the same. Every woman's the same, but it's like based in that deep rooted, deep, deep, deep rooted, like. Sexism and objectification. It's like it's literally instead of like you're a person with wants needs and desires. Here's a pen I could use a different pen and it'll still write and it'll still work And how many of those like that they don't see that like you are doing that you are doing the thing that you hate You are literally doing it and I actually like when you put it that way It's like, it is kind of one of those moments where you're like, yeah, it's perfect sense. You don't look as at objects as having individual personalities and individual wants and needs and experiences. So it makes perfect sense. Speaking of which, do you guys want to hear the video today that where a guy does exactly this? Yes. So this man is someone that all, all of us have seen before on the internet and we have responded to, and I've, I think Kaylee and I have made multiple videos responding to previous videos that he has, but this one, this one I think was extra special. And I want to. Go line by line with this. And I think, I think the very first line is when we want to spend a little time on, and I'm going to read it to you. And it says, a woman is living her ideal life when she is completely dependent on a man. Ooh, fact check. I gotta go. Isn't that the best? It's like, they don't even have to make sense. Right? Like that's what kind of kills me is they, they don't even, have to make sense. They just say whatever comes to mind. But the idea to go back to your point, to Reagan's point, this idea that women are objects and therefore have no individuality, the idea that women as a whole are living their best life if they are dependent on a man. So what do you believe is like it for women? What do you believe is the goal? Because you, you have to believe that it's all the same, right? You, you have to believe that. If being dependent on a man is it, that's all we want. Like, that's all we want. My favorite thing is, is the way they, and you're gonna see this more in, in the, the wording he uses. He sets this up like he's being this benevolent, Like I care about what women, this is what's best for women when really it's like, this is how to trap women into an abusive relationship. This is how to make sure that they cannot leave no matter how badly you treat them. This is the, this is the guide. But it said, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what I'm doing. I'm what I'm trying to do is what's best. Best for what women want because their best life is when they are solely dependent on a man for everything. Yeah, and and can I just I have to just make a little I just have to Make an asterisk here. I think sometimes when we argue with these men, right? Right away They try to use the same. Oh, so so you don't think it's fulfilling to be a wife and a mother And, and so I just want to like, get ahead of this, because this is the way I always hear them argue with us when we talk about these, this particular topic. This has nothing to do with being a wife. This has nothing to do with being a mother. At the, at the heart of feminism, we believe that women can be whatever they want to be, whether that be child free CEO, or stay at home mom. Mother of ten. Okay, whichever that is, it's your choice to do. Being a wife and a mother and finding those two things to be completely fulfilling and feeling great at the end of every day is not by definition synonymous with being dependent on a man. And so I just, I have to get ahead of it because I hear that argument every single time we go here. Wait, let me, let me read the next line. This, because that leads perfectly into the next line is, I'm going to say this as clearly as I can. All any woman wants in life is to be at home taking care of herself, her kids, and her environment. That's all any woman wants. All you women, that's the only thing you want. It's like, who, who is your source? Who are you talking to? What are you talking about? My mom. Well, literally, literally, my mommy loved her life. She says, I'm the best thing that ever happened to her every day. She suffered from clinical depression, I don't know how the two are related. So is he talking to men in this video or is he talking to women? I think he's looking in a mirror talking to himself. Not to a therapist, I'll tell you that. Think he's making it appear like he's talking to women, but he's very clearly talking to men in how they should be under the guise of talking to women. Like, Hey guys, this is how you can frame how to get this thing. Watch how good this were. And to be fair, not to be fair, that's a word. If you look at the comment section though, a lot of people are like, Yes. Yes, this is what I want because it, cause it's, it's a very manipulative tactic that makes it sound, if you're not really diving in and critical, if this is the only video of his you've ever seen, you might think, Oh, well, the, the wording he's using is making it sound. Cause I, cause if you are someone that wants to do this thing and you're like, yes, this is what I want. Well, ignoring the fact that he said, no, this is the only thing you can want if you're, if you're living your life as a woman correctly. I think also he sets it up like, Oh, you know, women want to stay home and take care of their kids. It's like, yeah, there are a lot of working moms who like would kill to be able to support a family without like with a partner that helps them. Or, you know, maybe they're not working full time. Like, I think a lot of moms would like that, would like more time with their kids. Like, so there are situations in which, yeah, like they, they would like to maybe have a little more freedom or a little more quality time, but it's like, that's not what you're talking about though. You're not offering up this great life of ease. You're, you're talking about like, usually very gendered roles in a household. They're talking about you do the cooking, you do the cleaning. I will do all of the work and. I will punish you for that. Like, I will ask you to be in a traditional role, but I will expect you to be subservient to me, and I will expect you to make it up to me that you're not giving, even though that's the role that I put it in. That's what drives me frickin nuts with, like, TradWife, is, like, even if the woman, like, wants to do that type of role, the guy still acts put out, and, like, he should be getting all of the praise for doing the, like, set up that he has asked for. He still wants to be like, I worked this hard. So I'm kicking my feet up. I did this. It's like, wait, you said that was the role you want to, why do you then get to complain about the situation you have set up? All she wants is my money. Right. All she wants. You said that. Well, she has to work. 40 hours a week as well. Yes, exactly. All she wants is my money. Because how many households are one income anymore? Like zero, like almost none. It's a fantasy. And not even, we can't even say by choice, right? It's not even an option for so many families. And so to sit here and, and you know, that's, that's another thing, right? They're always infantilizing women. Yes. Right? We can't make our own decisions. This is what women want. We're scared. Yeah, it's just like, we're capable of saying what we want. And, you know, you always say it, women are not a model. And also, like, the idea that If if, if you are a woman who does desire to work, does desire to have success outside of the home, then clearly there's something wrong with you because the natural state of women, according to this, to him is not that. And so you are going against what's actually, hold on. That leads literally right into that. I forgot. Women are not meant to work, literally not meant to, their bodies don't Don't handle stress the way a man's does and their fertility and overall femininity are much more severely impacted by that stress. Let me add them Tesco. First of all, first of all. Okay. I'm sorry. The idea that women's bodies can't handle stress. Okay. Do you, how many women are pregnant, nursing, working 40 hours? Still picking up someone's dirty underwear off the fucking floor, doing laundry, cooking dinner, and still has to look at a man and go it's Tuesday, can you take the trash out? Mm hmm. So the idea that women's bodies can't handle stress And once again, where, where are you getting this data? Where are you getting this information? His own fantasy. Like it's nowhere. Absolutely. Now we're talking about men who, who go to work and then come home and are so disturbed that you won't let them watch SportsCenter without interrupting them and can't remember their mother's own birthday. He has another video where he says something like, sometimes men just need a blow up because they're holding in all this. Like sometimes a man just needs a good blow up. Women don't understand what that's like. Healthy processing. Sometimes we just need to punch a wall. Sometimes we need to get violent. You know, as one does when you bottle up all your emotion and stress. We handle stress right. Start punching stuff, women. So let me let me add in. So I actually looked up. So just on the science of this, Because he claims this is the natural scientific biological state of women. There was a study done by Dr. Shelly Taylor from UCLA that literally looked at how our bodies react to stress. And they found that women are able to produce more oxytocin, me making them able to be better at regulating stress that the, in, in day to day life. And, and they also said that. That women handle stress better because they are better at creating social networks of other people to talk to about them. So it doesn't get to the same level. So literally even his base point. Of this natural, biological need for men to be the workers because they're better at it does not hold up to literal science that looks at the actual chemical makeup of our bodies. And let's, let's acknowledge how many times I've seen a grown man have a tantrum at the office who can't handle stress. And let's, let's just for a second also consider, let's take a couple. Both of them have the flu. Who's laying on the couch? And who's wiping down the counter with Lysol? Not me. You know what I mean? The weirdness of men being like, I stick it through, I'm strong. And then they get like a mild cold and they're like, Ah! Take me out! I'm done! Yeah. I need to lay down. So sorry. But the thing that really kills me is that there's this constant parallel between Men's physical strength, or what they perceive to be their physical strength and how that somehow is synonymous with them being better at everything. I think it's also really funny that, like, a lot of men think being, like, parenting, it just naturally comes to women. Because that is not, there's nothing, like, there are probably some natural parts about being a parent, but like actual, like, you know, I'm like, okay, your toddler has a fever of this much and they're puking, like, what's the, there's so much that, like, you learn on the fly, you research, like, I'm, I'm Googling all day, like, what is this? Because you don't have a choice! You don't have a choice. That's the difference. There's, you know, men can say, Hey, honey, here, the baby won't start crying. Take them when the baby won't start crying. We don't have anybody to say, take that. I'll never forget, you know, having my son breastfeeding was so important to me and not being able to breastfeed. I, you know, and they were calling me bored in the milk cow. I had so much, so much milk that they were, it was out of control. So I had plenty of milk, but I couldn't get my son to latch. And these women would come in and they would just like grab my boob and be like, You know, do it like that, but it wasn't working. And I remember just crying for hours being like, I'm a, I am such a failure of a mother because we're shown, you know, breastfeeding as being the most natural bonding experience in this beautiful thing that happens with your baby. And I couldn't do it. I wasn't capable of doing it. And so. You know, that's, that's a problem. That's a problem when we're taught that motherhood comes so naturally for women and that men aren't supposed to know how to do it. It, it sets us up, you know, to not be the best parents we can be. It sets us up to not be the best. The best partners we can be. And then, then it even comes down to like something like changing a diaper. I don't know. She's just so much better at changing diapers than I am. As if they're somehow inherently, yeah, it's because she's changed a thousand diapers compared to the three you did when you could not wind her to do it. That blows my mind when, Oh, she's just so much, but it's the whole weaponizing competence. But you see it so much more with parenting all the time. I just don't get why she just, she just comes natural. No, she's just done it more. I don't get why that artist is just so much naturally better at drawing that picture because they spent they spent decades studying and doing that task and I think like also Like maybe women hearing him talk like that aren't seeing what they're setting what he is setting them up for right because he's like oh Women just need to be at home and women just need to be dependent and women just need it's like This man is shoving you into this, like, very, this box of what a woman should be. You will have, there are so many expectations that he's going to have for you. He is going to expect that you're doing the cooking. He's going to expect that you're going to raise the child. He is going to expect you to be completely dependent on him, which any guy who wants you to be dependent on him, like, or, or it is a necessity that you don't have their, your own money, your own independence, that if he leaves you, you are screwed. That is not a good sign. And they, they are setting it up as this gift on that you'd be free when it's actually quite like confining what they're going to do to you. And I think that's the dangerous element of the way that he's phrasing this. Absolutely. Then when something happens and they can't do, fulfill some aspect of, of this trad wife kind of lifestyle, then it's like, that's your job. Why aren't you doing your job? Yep. You said, this is what you knew what you were getting. And then he's like, and then they could be like, why I, I was upfront about this from the start. I, I was, yeah, I was trying to be the benevolent caretaker for you as I work for 50, 000 a year at, you know, not, you know, not actually providing this, this and you also, she's also like, cause that, and that's what happens is that when both of them start working, then they're like, well, well, yeah, but I'm still the, I'm still the caretaker. I'm still the breadwinner. I'm still the primary. I'm still the primary one. I make one more dollar. And it's, it's funny. I was actually just making a video about this before we started doing this because we value women's time so much differently because we, we value men's time by physical labor or by dollars. Yeah. Right. So we value men's time by money until women start working. And then all of a sudden we value it by physical labor. And then the second we say, okay, well, a woman's doing physical labor too. Yeah. But she's not working as hard. Yep. Right. Yeah. Well, they're, they're not having her do the most labor intensive work. So it's always gonna be our, our work not being valued in quite the same way. The goal post has to move. Or even if it's not physical labor, it'll be like, Well, she got advantages or she gets taken like in the, like in the, like, I remember like in the agency, like I worked at a production house, there would be like, Oh, just cause she's a girl, she's getting favorable treatment or blah, blah. It's like no, she has to work just as hard. The men are stealing her ideas. Like I've seen men take women's ideas. Like it's, it's insane, but it's always this idea of like, I, I have to, think I'm superior to you in some way? Not even I have to think it, but you have to think it. You have to think I'm bringing more to the table and I will move the goalpost however far I have to, to keep you believing it. Cause at the end of the day, they need, and I've talked about this so many times, men who will not do the things to better themselves, to be good partners, must have women believe they need them. They have to have women think you need men because they will do nothing to be desirable. They don't want to be wanted. They want to be needed. So when they are met with, well, women are saying they don't need you. They want you. They double down. And they say this stupid shit, which is like, Oh no, you need us biologically. Like you, the studies show you need us. It's like, just be desirable. Just be nice. And I, seriously. I always It men will tell you that you need them if they don't want to work to keep you and that that's just bingo. It is what it is. And so we have to, you know, when people say, Oh, okay, well how do we deal with this stuff? We have to walk into our relationship. saying, is this man encouraging me to have independence? Right. And not only financial independence, independence of thought, you know, independence in hobbies. What do you like to do? What are you, anybody that's saying, I want you to revolve your life around me, does not want to see you happy as an individual. One of the new, Tactics. Some of the guys in my comment sections have been using is when I, when I bring up that, like I married, when I was literally, I started dating my wife, I was making 13, 000 a year as a grad student. And then I was for five years, I made literally below minimum wage as an adjunct. And she was with me and now their new thing as well. Well, she's, she's not like other women. And I'm like, first off, thank you. She's not like other women. She's as if she is wonderful. She is perfect. She has, I love her. And how dare you make me now say. Yes, she is like, no, it's like the only way to counter it. I can't wait for that because I, yes, I do think she is absolutely amazing and perfect and only unique. That's why I love her. It's why I fell in love with her. Having said that. She's not special in that regard. That is a really tough position. That's a really tough position. Come on, guys. How dare you say that my wife is wonderful and that she could see through and accept me for who I am. Jerks. How dare you? Oh my god. I think it's also important to notice not just does a man expect expects. Your life to revolve around him, but also realizing how little of a relationship is reciprocal Especially when it comes to emotional processing. Are you, are you his emotional processor? Does he come to you with all his issues? Do you have to break down his emotions for him? Do you have to translate for him? Do you have to be the one to help him work his things out? And does he do the same for you? Because so many women become Come men's emotional processors, they become their therapists. They become the only way they can break down what's happening in their life and what they are feeling. And it is so taxing and it takes so much energy and so much time. And they can't even get this guy to listen to them talk about their day. So, so not just that, but noticing like, is it both ways? Do you both help each other be better people and, and process your emotions? And just to kind of add to that, I think. You make such a good point about them having to translate those emotions. But then I think we have a whole other step of this with men that don't even go to their partner. They don't tell their wife, their girlfriend, what they're feeling at all. And yet the, the girlfriend, partner, wife, spouse is still making the excuse of that emotion, even if it hasn't been communicated to her. So, How many times do we hear women say, Oh yeah, well he yelled at me and yeah, he gets a little violent, but that's how his dad was. So we never saw any other way. And it's like, he didn't even apologize. And you're making excuses for why he's not treating you well. So You know, I think that's, that's kind of twofold, but you're, you're so right. That's a good point. That is a good point because a lot of times it's like they'll get the benefit of conversations. They never had. Yes. That's so perfect. Oh, it's just because he had a bad day at work And you know, his boss has been really writing him. It's Did, did, did he say that? Did he blink twice and tell you? Cause it's like, they, the woman's like, Oh, I will interpret your body language. I will interpret your breath. That sigh you gave me. I know it must've been work. Let me, let me make you the right dinner that you love. Let me do all these things to facilitate. And he never even had to say, I'm upset about blank or I'm sorry, I took this out on you. So it's like he, it facilitates him to continue the same cycles because she gets so good at interpreting. His body language and his actions. And I say this as the son of a father who was a narcissistic abuser that was, was like the definition of this toxically machismo, especially in Latino culture of this, of all the things that I had to grow up kind of being around and seeing the, the, at a certain point of your life, it becomes a choice to continue down that path. And I get, and that's not just to discount trauma. That's not to discount the things that absolutely affected me. Right. But you, you. Have a choice eventually to, to unpack it and to see a therapist and to work through that. And you can't just continue until you're an old man blaming your father for setting you up to believe this way. Cause you, you know, especially in today's modern age, We have so much exposure to alternatives, right? We are hearing other perspectives. It's not just the small town you're living in or in your household. There's everyone there's us online, right? There there's, but there's a million other people that are in between too. It doesn't have to go to the extreme of, of, of listening to every single person that's fully disagrees with you. They can get you there. And if you choose to just simply stay exactly the way. That your father raised you or the way that he treated your mom, then I don't know what age that, that starts being a choice, but it is, there is a point where you got to stop forgiving it and, and stop pushing the blame off of the person that's still continuing that narrative. Right. Well, and, and I think that's such an incredible point because at what point do you kind of try to excuse your behavior by being the victim of trauma that you are now inflicting onto people that you claim to love? And, and, you know, like you said, I don't, I don't know what age that is. I'm sure that would be different for, for different people, but you know, I think that's so important and that's where you really see. Men that are willing to do the work, be great partners and men that, you know, they don't want to do the work. And they'll come at me and they'll say, well, you're, you're not special. There's nothing. You're just, you're, but I'm like, I'm not special. That's the whole point though. That's the point you're agreeing with what I'm saying. It's literally, well, I appreciate that, but I don't think like, I'm not, He's already picked me, don't do that. No, stop it, I've already been picked. I've already been picked for this. But I don't, I don't, like, I don't think there's anything I've done or can do that literally all men are capable of doing, right? But, and it's the Somehow me saying that men are capable of being human and, and respect and loving their partner is offensive to men when that's like the most positive thing I could say about even the worst guys out there that they're capable of growing and changing. Well, so, but the problem there is that your existence. Actually disproves their excuses. The biological narrative, yeah, this idea of this is who I am. Society didn't give me the tools. Society didn't give me the resources. I have trauma that I'm not allowed to talk about. My wife's gonna call me a pussy if I open up. Buh, Your existence. proves all of that. Right? Right. Here you are. You are a great dad. You're a great husband. You sit here, you, you have meaningful conversations with women because you've done the work to understand the experience. You'll be the first person to sit here and say, no, I have not lived it, but I have done the work to try and participate in conversations that help both men and women. And, That's what they're claiming is impossible. Right? Their idea is that men can never win. You can have, hold space and empathize with how someone got to where they are and still hold them accountable for the way they take that out on somebody else. Like I look at myself, for example, like, like I'm bipolar, okay? So, I didn't choose to be bipolar, and my brain does, does what it wants, right? But, I take medicine, and I go to therapy, and I work very hard to maintain my mental health. Because, I don't think I have a right to punish. The people I love because I'm not taking care of myself. There is a point where that is on me. I don't have the right to do that to my family members. I don't have the right to do that to my daughter. Like that is why I check myself. That is why I am constantly trying to do better. And of course we hit points where, you know, we all have bad days and we all have those moments that we're not our best and we're not acting the way that we would like to, but it's the idea of. I think they feel like they have the right to weaponize it. They have the right to harm others because of what has happened to them. And that's the entitlement from misogyny. It's like, I've had this harm to me so I can harm you because my harm is more important than the harm I am causing. What has happened to me is more important than what's happening to you. And I think that's the difference. I So well said, you know, because you are, you're weighing out, they're, they're weighing their own trauma as being more important. Well, you guys wouldn't understand how hard it is to be a man. Never. Never. I've never known the masculine plight. Yeah, we don't know any trauma. No, no. You have it so easy with your, with your long hair. And your makeup. I actually have heard men complain about that. That's kind of funny. I can't wear makeup. Yes, you can. You can. You could. I have a little nail polish on still right.