Hello everyone. And welcome to the Mr. Pick Me and the Man Hater podcast. As you know, this was a name given to us lovingly by a troll on the internet. Uh, despite the fact that I don't hate men and, uh, Chesco's already been picked. Yep. Thank you for that info. Yep. Uh, I am the king of intros. That should be my new king of intros. The best at starting a conversation. Yeah, you nail it. You're actually great at closing conversations as well. The end of our podcast is always stellar. It's always a complete closure. It's, you would think that, uh, you would be surprised that I teach public speaking for a living. And I literally teach the structure of how to grab attention, how to close the speech. No, this doesn't count. This is different. I mean, last episode, uh, you literally, you know, we were talking and Kaylee was talking and then you just go, I'm Mr. Pickney. Fuck you out of nowhere. That could have been, if you, if you guys had, yes. And did me, it would have been brilliant. I don't know. I said, I'm the man hater. And then we paused and then I was like. Uh, the most, the most brilliant ending. If people, if you're confident, if you tell the audience that it's great, they'll believe you. What side of the internet are you on? Not a good one. Not a good one. Speaking of, uh, some fun on the internet, what are some of the hate comments you've received recently? Uh, this is, this one's a very simple one. I like this one. Are you trying to sound stupid or does it come naturally? Did you comment back? It comes naturally I, I said I work hard to sound this dumb. So we don't all have your natural gifts. Sure are mean. People just knew mean for no reason. I, the, the problem is I was, I, I tried to explain it to this because I was like, just so you know, I was like trying to be nice. If you don't want, like, my videos don't comment. You're going to keep using it and he's like, that's not, you know, you think, you know, how algorithms work. You don't know how to understand how this, that's not even how it works. I'm like, that's literally exactly how you engage. You get this 100. There's 100 percent how it works. I had this happen on Spotify one time where, so on Spotify, sometimes if you start a podcast, And you don't like it. It'll it will play that every time you finish a podcast, it will play. It pops into it. Oh, it's the, yeah, I know what you're talking about. Some person was like, stop sending me your podcast. Stop playing your podcast on my phone. I don't want it. I don't, I'm not, I don't have control over that, buddy. I honestly think they thought I was like seeking them out personally. Like I have a vendetta and I'm like, you will listen to my podcast. It also goes like, and this is to be fair, we have terrible technological literacy and in general, uh, my, my mother in law. One of our favorite, my wife and I would quote this all the time. Uh, it's, it's the, uh, something was like a post got a Facebook. And she was like, Facebook better not be messing with me. And we talked about it. And she was, I honestly, she genuinely believes somebody was like messing with her on Facebook, this woman in particular, she had a case worker managed to like, how can we make this Boomer woman's experience on Facebook, the worst possible, like worse than it already is. Yeah. Uh, yeah, I, I, there was one time my wife. It was trying to help her dad get to a comment or get to a message He had received and he couldn't figure out messenger. He couldn't figure out how to get into it and then We're trying to direct him and we're like, okay, so you open the page. What are you seeing? And then he goes Oh, Facebook, it needs something from me. Facebook needs something from me. You're like, what is it? It's like, it's asking me what's on my mind. So we're like, no, do not put what's on your mind. Oh, you're going to hear it from me. Well, he's about to put his status. Cause now, like for a while now, Facebook is like, what's on your mind? And he was about to be like angry, trying to get a message. Can that it's so great. Oh Lord. Okay. Or that when people would repost the thing, I, I do not give Facebook permission to the whole, like, as if that post, Oh, well now you've, you've solved it, they can't do it now. I don't think you do not have, you do not have the rights to my image. Post this 10 times and Facebook cannot get to you. Or even people that are like, so like, I don't think, I think a lot of people have this like self importance, like this, this grandiose idea of themselves. Like Amazon does not give a fuck what you are saying on a Tuesday night. Right. Your Facebook's not listening in like, Oh wait, let's hear what Margaret's saying to her husband as they watch reruns of this on the game show network. What is going on? We better put a, we're a mute this one. Yeah. Oh, maybe they're trying to hear you cause they want to sell you stuff. But other than that, I think you're all right. I think you're just fine. Yeah. Don't worry. They don't care. Did they get the deal on let's make a deal? We need to know we got to be careful. Don't say your social security number out loud. Why were you doing it anyway? Just don't ever say it out loud. Don't write it down. Don't say it out loud. Oh God. Okay. Chesco. What are we talking about today? Mr. Pick Me and the Man Sorry, no, that's not where it goes. Uh, so today, we're talking about splitting the check on a date. And, uh, I saw this one, uh, it was interesting, uh, We, you'll see why in a second. But the, the person I saw respond, doing it was responding to it. That's a new word, uh, was they were responding. Um, they were responding to it and they were bla they were like, this is, this is what you get. Feminists. You, you ask for it now you're upset about it. And I was like, I don't think the people that are really upset about splitting a check are the people that were. Asking for, I don't think that's been the goal of feminism all along is to then, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't ask for that. It's so funny because I'm like, women are like, Hey, you know, we just want the same rights. You know, we just want to live our lives and like, you know, a long list of these things that help us and would make our lives better. That's, you know, stop attacking us, those kinds of things. And men are like. Oh, I hear that. I guess I'll be splitting the bill and punching you in the face. Cause that's equality. That's what you want, right? That's what you were asking for. That's the first thing that comes up on your brain. You're like, how can I financially gain more so than I already do? Do you know how hard it is for me not to punch women? Of all the things to take away from that conversation, the fact that what they're taking away, it's like, how do I gain from this? Yeah. Like, we just want the same rights. Okay. Well, how can I have more? How does this help me have more privilege than before? That's what I want from this. Like, Oh God. Well, it's, it always comes back to that same old, uh, quote is like, you know, equality feels like oppression to privilege, whatever the, I don't know the exact quote, but, uh, If you're privileged, equality will always feel like oppression. It's something like that. We're in it. Absolutely. Yeah. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I made it. I believe you. No. Well, right now, that was a quote from you. You did say it. I did just say it. So it is put that in a book. I feel like that's the best telling that someone has privilege, right? Is that when experiencing the same thing as everybody else, they're like, what the hell is this? This is horrible. Yeah. You're like, I think about like when we did the, when masks happened and people are like, you're going to tell me what to put on my body. And we're all like, Yeah, that was, yeah, I know, but I'm with, I'm happy. We're on agreement on that. You know, we never, it's been far enough along. We have never talked about that before, but man, yeah, I would be shocked if we had a different now, but like, it was wild because it's like, you're gonna. You're gonna tell me what to do with my body and like my point is that it was coming from people Who believe they have the right to dictate right a lot about not only just like Women's reproductive rights, but like also like clothing, like how often are these the men that are like, Hey, Yeah, cover them knees up girl. I don't want to say it was Yankees It's always like these people are seeking out reason like reasons to feel oppressed. You see this with like Christianity you see it with Always like oh, we're coming for a Christmas gift Cups and we are the most oppressed group in America as we celebrate Christmas, right? As we say, the pledge of allegiance in every public school, gun owners are the most oppressed group. As we, as like the average American owns like 17 guns, because there's so many people that own a thousand guns and they're spending all their paycheck. Oh, it's just like, like men now are like, I don't, I don't like the, women are saying they don't like the things we do. They're openly in groups talking about their disdain for us. And it's like, You mean every, every block of room, every game, every boys hang out there. You mean that, is that what we're talking about? Oh, okay. Or I get a lot of my channel. Well, why aren't you also critiquing women? I was like, cause there's 10, 000 channels online right now that are literally devoted to talking about how horrible women are. And there's like 12 of us that are responding to it. And, and the, and the, to be fair, a lot of people don't respond to the because of the violent reaction. You get from the people you're critiquing versus like, you can feel, men can feel comfortable critiquing women because they're not going to get, they don't get that same violent, vitriolic response. They might get critiqued. People get angry at them, but it's not, it's never a threat. It goes back to, it's never a threat of safety against them. They can say whatever they want. Yeah. That's like, if you think, you know what it's like to be a woman online because you see the comments, you would be shocked at the private messages. Yeah, let me tell you. Uh, yeah, I mean And of course anything with race when people talk about like reverse racism and shit. You're like, oh, yeah, absolutely Absolutely. What there's a whole do you remember and I I want to stay in my lane as a very white person But I remember when there was an argument On it on like I would say it was Fox News. I don't know that it was on some news show where they were literally arguing is the N word or the word cracker? Yeah, it's probably the one you can't say. Yeah, I think it was John Mulaney had a joke about that. It was like if you if you're arguing about the the badness of two words and you can't say one of the words. I mean, it's, it's a pretty easy indicator there. It's like, just say it, say the word. And we're like, no, no, and they're like, no, I, I, I wouldn't do that in front of a camera. In my home, maybe. It may be. I mean, I, if definitely with my friends, I'll say that, but. Oh yeah. Yeah, definitely with my friends. All right. Should we get, should we get to the video? Should we do it? Yeah, probably. Let's do it. Probably we should. What are you drinking? Is that a 40? It's kombucha. It's 40 of kombucha. I've never tasted it, because I saw someone making kombucha and it scared me. That like, little, like, creature that grows on top of it. And I don't want to, I don't know the cultural essence of kombucha. I'm, I'm, I want to be very clear. I'm sure it's delicious. I'm sure it's great. I'm sure there's health benefits to it. Your stomach, your gut. I should probably drink kombucha then. But it was the first thing I saw, I think it's a texture thing for me. They, I know it's not in the texture of that gooey thing on top is not in the drink, but knowing, but knowing that it was there and yet I'll still eat like hamburgers. I don't, this is 90 percent plastic, but it's not gooey. I'm not critiquing Kombucha. I'm critiquing myself. Speaking of which, let me read this first sentence. She says, Hey men, how are you not embarrassed? And I don't even want to finish that sentence because that's a big assumption. To assume that I'm not embarrassed. I'm chronically embarrassed. I am chronically embarrassed. Constantly embarrassed. I am constantly worried that I did something wrong. We had a conversation the other day about this when you jokingly got mad at me and I was like, what did I do? I'm so sorry. That's me too. I always assume everyone's mad at me. I just, that's my bear. That's like my baseline. Yeah. Everybody's mad at me. I always, I always, uh, warn people when we can friends that you have to constantly reassure me that you don't hate me. Could you send me a text weekly? Just being like, just so you know. You're, we're still good. You didn't do anything for another week, at least. All right. So how are you not embarrassed when you ask a woman to split the bill or go 50, 50 in a relationship with you? So let's start. There there's, she goes more in depth than that. That's the basic gist of the video, but let's talk about splitting the bill. Splitting the bill. Um, God, there's a lot of different thoughts on this. I mean, I, I have a unique experience where like, I feel like when I dated men, I paid more than they did. I remember dating older guys. And like they had like real jobs and I, you know, I was doing like my acting or whatever jobs, right? I was probably a magician at the time. God only knows. Um, and I would be ba like, I would buy their meals and I would buy their coffee. And I was like, I've never had the banana I didn't take like, right, lemme pay for you. I was like, oh, I got it. I'll do it. Don't worry about it. Like I, I have made a video about this before, but like my, my wife and I, when we started to think I was so broke, I was making 13, 000 a year. And granted, this was 16 years ago. Inflation hasn't been that bad. That was still broke back then. Like 13, 000 was not good. That was not good pay, uh, at the time. Yeah. And so like, I couldn't pay for stuff, right? Yeah. I think we talked about this with, with, uh, when Kaylee was on, right? It was like, like I didn't have the ability to, to just shower her with gifts, right? I just had to rely on, rely on my charming personality, um, my potential, my, uh, yeah, my awkwardness. And apparently some people found that endearing. I guess so. Here you are. I did always, my perspective has always been though. If you ask someone out to a place where they had no input in, then you, you should pay for it, right? Friend, whatever. Isn't that the, I thought that was the, um, like etiquette. Like I think they teach an etiquette is if you are the person that asks to go on the date, then you should. Therefore pay for the date. Um, which I could see that. Yeah. Like younger, when I was like, when I started working full time, I still had a lot of friends that were still not working full time, uh, you know, for, for, for various reasons, either somewhere in school, still somewhere still looking for a good job, et cetera. And, uh, you know, when we, if I was like, Hey, I want to check out this restaurant, do you want to come with me? I'd pay. Right. Because I was like, I had, I initially, I was like, I don't know what their financial situation is. I don't want to have, I don't want to say like, Hey, can you afford, Go into the, I just wanted to hang out with them. Right. And so my, my, my people too, if it's, yeah, like my, if it's my idea, my place, cause it's like, it's not even now because it's like, if it's super expensive, like I've also been in the position you've already been invited to a restaurant and you sit down and you open that menu and you're like, Oh, It's like 50. I'll have salad. Yeah, everyone okay with just splitting the bill? Like, you know, equally? Like, no. No, I'm gonna go. I will go home right now. I've had that too. That's also a big debate. It's like splitting amongst friend groups. But there's also, you know, some women are like, yeah, you are gonna pay for the bill because it's like, you make more than me. Like, you literally, like, I don't know. What is it now? Like, the percentages. It's men to woman, what they make on the dollar. What is that? In the same jobs. I think it's still like, I don't know, like 75 percent or something like that. Let me see. Hold on. I'm gonna Google it. But you're right. But just while you're looking it up, like when you take into account the structural aspects of, uh, these things, it's going to, uh, that, that does play a role. Into it. Is there any, do you know, this is something I don't know is that what is the norm for women dating women? Like, is there any, is that kind of the same real thing? Is it a, you know, are there, are there any cultural norms specific to that dating scene? I mean, there could be, if someone is more masculine and like goes out of their way to be like chivalrous, um, there might be, it's possible someone could assume That like, if there, if there's someone like who's showcasing, like, I like to take you out, I want to spoil you. Like there may be, there could be an assumption, but, um, in my experience, it's even like, I, like with my wife, like we. It was, it was consistently even, um, oh, so women earn 16 percent less than men on average, uh, women earn just 84 cents for every dollar man makes women of color are among the lowest paid workers in rural areas with rural black and Hispanic women making just 56 cents for every dollar that rural white non Hispanic men make. Wow. So there are women who subscribe to that saying like, uh, you make more than me. Or if like, they're put in the situation where the man is like, I want to, I want to be the primary breadwinner. Um, so I could see that. I see that too. Cause it's like, I mean, there is. And, and like, to your point, if you're asking them out and you want to like throw around your weight, you know, like how much you make, which happens, like buy a lot of drinks, there was just a girl who was talking about how she went on a date with a guy and like, they went to a fancy restaurant. And he kept ordering drinks and she was kind of like, like this bill's getting up. And then she went to the bathroom and he's like, no, no, no. I got it. I took care of the check. And like, they did the whole date and then like, she went home. And then after that he like texted her and requested that she send him a hundred dollars to help color cover the bill because It's, it was more expensive than he thought, uh, I have to be honest when I think he was probably hoping to get with her that night. And when he didn't. That was a result of him assuming he's not going to get what he quote unquote paid for. It's the transactional aspect. Yes. Like, even if he's not, even if he's not like, I'm with you to have sex, it's like, I wanted you to think I was paying for your evening up until that time to see how you reacted to it. Yeah. Uh, yeah. So it's, yeah, I, I don't have a hard and fast rule on that, but I don't think there's any issue with the, the splitting. If you're upfront about it, if you talk about it, it's the, you can't, Just pretend like you aren't aware of the cultural assumptions of, of what dating is. Right. And it's like, you can just, and this is not me saying it's right. This is not me. I'm not giving a qualitative statement saying, yes, men should always pay for everything on this. What I'm saying is we don't live in a bubble, right? We are aware that the assumption is that if you ask someone on a date, whether or not you think that's right or not, that you're likely going to get, Paid for, right. The person that, that initiate the date, and because of the cultural assumptions where men are the ones that are expected to initiate some dates, it does, you know, from, from a financial perspective, if you're objectively looking at it, yeah, that's not fair that, that it's only going to be, you know, that men are broke to, you know, that you're going to, but part, the reason that's the cultural expectation is the patriarchy, right? It's because, yeah, it was literally, this is how our society System was set up, right? And this is a holdover, obviously from previous generations, especially, right? Where women didn't have money or credit cards, literally when literally it was like, well, I'm going out. I have, you know, 18 cents in my purse. So hopefully this is, you're not going to ask me to stop. Like, you know, if you go, especially the further, further back. And so obviously there is a holdover from previous cultural assumptions, but it still is there. Right. And if you can't do that, which, like I said, I'm speaking as someone who was broke and poor, and it wasn't just my wife that I went on dates with. Right. I wanted, I, I did it. For, for, I know. Right. I didn't, she was not the first person I dated. Right. Right. I went, but I did it for years and I was broke and I didn't, I had one date where, um, we, it wasn't a long relationship or anything that maybe this is why, but, uh, but she, she was, uh, she was like, Hey, I know you don't have money there, there's a timeshare thing. Do you want to go, uh, listen to a presentation? And then we get a weekend. I was like, yeah, we did it. And we, and we just knew we had, and we said no the entire time. And we had a little. Little fun little thing. Yeah, we just, we just, and it was fine. It was fun. Like, it was actually fun. We pretended like we were, uh, you know, this engaged couple. Uh, and we ended up not having a lot in common, but that weekend was, was an interesting experience. We were committed though. To that point, I think when we were playing these characters, it was a lot of fun. Yeah, we were, we were great. We lived happily for the next 40 years. Um, and as those characters, It's not as uncommon as these guys like to build it up to Find someone that's completely okay with splitting it in and like when you split all the time all the time I mean, like I said, I paid more Like We're just picking that because like, it's, it's, uh, something that they can fight over. And again, it's something that like, in this conversation of inequality that they're like, yeah, well, we have to do this. Um, and like, I, I don't know many women that wouldn't split the bill. I will, like, I guess personally, there is, there is discourse online. That are like, I'm not paying for shit. If I'm, if I'm going to go on a date with you with all the stuff that goes on and you've invited me and a lot of times like They'll take women on like extravagant dates I guess to impress them and then if you're so if you're doing all that and then you're like, but we're gonna split the bill Like, she probably wouldn't go to that place had you not invited her and want to pay that much money. That's exactly it. It's like, you didn't, it's what I said from the very beginning, if you don't, if both of you don't have input into where you're going. Right. If you're like, I'm going to pick you up or I'll meet you there. I'll send you the address. I'll give you the name of the place, or you don't have any specific planning input, then yeah, that person should be in charge of, of paying for it and making sure of it, because you don't, like I said, you don't know, especially early in a relationship, you don't know the financial situation, um, of both people, but I don't think it's embarrassing to not. Be able to want to go 50, 50, uh, with someone I was, I will stand by that. And what the trick was, I just didn't date women that needed that from me. And it's fine. If that's something that's important to you, if that's the lifestyle you want, that's the relationship you want. Beautiful. Go for it. Everybody can have whatever they want. There are some guys that are adamant about, I need to pay for everything. I need to be in charge of everything because they want, they want that as well. That's, that's fine. Whatever. If that's a, that's a preference you have, you're probably not going to, I, I wouldn't, wouldn't have been the person you dated and I was happier as a result of that. And so were you wanted to be with me? The thing is, it's like, it's these imaginary situations. Like, even if you go as far as like, this girl doesn't want to split the bill with me. If you want to split the bill and that's something you want to do, and you don't want a relationship with that dynamic, then you're not a good match. And that's okay But it's not like the end of the conversation is like women just won't turn the bill It's like okay maybe some women don't want to split the bill and some women do and some women are comfortable taking turns like my wife and I Even when we were dating we would take turns buying for each other Because we like to treat each other and we like to take each other out Like going Dutch is not, I don't know if that's offensive. I hope that's not, but splitting the Dutch, the Dutch fight it. Very offensive, very offensive. Splitting the bill is not unheard of, nor is it uncommon at this point? It happens all the time. I think if a woman is not flat out, like I will not pay for a meal. Like if she is not just. Against it for whatever reason like I think the main problem with that is if You have made her believe that you're not splitting the bill or if splitting the bill happens as a repercussion Because she's not sleeping with you which happens all the time Mm hmm, there's a couple videos viral online right now of these men like trying to Like either on the walk home or at the door being like, well, am I going to, can I come in? Well, you know, and they'll bring in every one of the videos they'll bring up. Well, I did. How much I spent. I did spend. A fair amount on this date. Well, what do you, and, and, and like, there was one where she was like, well, what do you, do you expect we're going to sleep with each other? It's like, no, no, no, no, but yes. Well, can we come in and get drunk and maybe see what happens and just see where it goes as if that could go anywhere. Maybe we'll just play Monopoly all night long. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I think it's that aspect of it because like, it comes down to, if you switch to splitting the bill. Because you didn't get what you wanted. Or like, it's almost as if it's a, it's a punishment or repercussion. It's splitting the bill. Well, now that I'm not getting with you, but also it's like, if you're paying for the bill, like I think a woman, if you sit up front, which they will never toxic men will not say this, but if you're like, Hey, I will pay for this meal, but I definitely expect you to have sex with me. Right. I think most women would say, uh, uh, check, split it, write a down bill. Yeah, I would love to split this bill. I have never wanted to split a bill more in my life. Yeah, there's a lot more awareness too, I think, nowadays, because of social media, because of just lived experience, because of people willing to talk about it now. Yeah. Where, I know in my comment sections, when I've responded to videos like this before, the, I even did a poll, and the majority of them were, their preference, was women's. Was to split the bill. Yes. Because they don't want to be able to have the person use it against them in a, in a possibly violent way. Uh, of like, well, you knew what you were getting into. Like, is it, and it's a, it's a, it's a subtler. Not so subtle way of saying you were asking for, you know, for you, you, you knew the, you knew the game. And I think that's a very good point you're bringing up because I know so many women who will proactively say we can split the bill to protect themselves. Like if a date's not going well, if a guy's being creepy, if there's like a sexual undertone to the things that he's saying, that they'll be like, Don't worry, we can split the bill. And you see that in the videos and I've heard I've heard it in conversations with some of my girlfriends, like where, like I had a bad feeling about this. We'll split it because they don't want the implications. They don't want you to be able to use it against, which again is so messed up because unless the transaction is agreed upon, you don't owe dude shit. Like, unless you went into the day being like, Hey, I'm going to pay for this meal and I'm only going to pay for this meal if you sleep with me. And then she said, Oh, that's transactional. And I agreed to said transaction. In that case, if that's happening and everybody's consenting, great. But to buy a meal for someone and then say, well, because I paid for this, you have to sleep with me. No, actually not a hundred percent. No. Okay. Right. And I think there's, there's a big difference and this is where like from a, from a relationship advice perspective of like choosing not to spend money on the other person because of whatever reason that you've decided versus, uh, not being able to spend money on the other person. That's a good point. Right. I loved when I, when I was dating, whenever I could afford to buy something, I absolutely loved it. I remember my first Christmas with, uh, with my wife, we, my then, you know, we'd only been dating for, you know, about a month at that point. And I went, I went home to San Francisco and I wanted to get her something, but I was like, I am so broke. So what I did, I went around to I was like, I can't buy her like jewelry. I can't buy her anything extravagant. But so I went around to all my favorite. And I, by the way, I was deeply in love at this point. I was like, I'm going to marry, I already knew that I was going to marry her. And so you were probably like, this is it. Yeah. I mean, we were friends for a while before. And so like, I already, it wasn't like, just as like, yeah, but it was, but I'm like, I want to get her something special is our first one, but I can't, I just don't have money. And so I went around to all my favorite places that I used to visit growing up. Uh, like all my, like two spots and also little places and I bought little knickknacks, like a little dollar or two little thing. And so like, and so I, I framed it like, and, and, and I meant it like, I'm like, I, I really like you for our first Christmas together. I want to give you my home. Right. I want to give this to you. And it was so cheap. But I, I spent probably 10 bucks. Like it was probably the cheapest gift I've ever given to her, but it was, it was, there was, it was meaningful. And I spent what I had and I put thought into it. And like, she's, she starts crying like from it. And obviously it meant something in that moment because of the fact that I actually thought about it and I did what I could shocking that that matters. Shocking. Uh, I mean, I did a video. Not that long ago about like I had a boyfriend in high school. I actually saw the video but that's fine Uh who got me a necklace against my will a diamond necklace and I said repeatedly I don't like that, which I don't, I'm not, I'm trying to do that. I would rather, I told him like, write me a letter and he's like, nope. So he decided to do that instead. And I was like, I don't like this. Like, this is not sentimental. This, this says nothing about me. This doesn't make me feel like, you know, me, I mean, definitely because I said, don't do this. Right. But at the end of the day, I feel like aside from the women who genuinely are like, no, I like nice things. And I will be treated like a. Queen or princess or whatever. I feel like most women just want to feel special. They want to feel important and they want to know you care. And we live in a society where men feel most comfortable showing that through financial purchases, like through, through money, like flowers and dinners, like that's the way they feel comfortable saying, I care about you. Because men aren't comfortable, or a lot of men aren't comfortable saying. Their emotions and saying their feelings and doing sentimental things and like making gifts like all of these things That could showcase that they are most comfortable doing that through straight up purchases right and Most women they just want to feel special and loved and there are other ways to do that then buying expensive meals, right? When it comes down to like, you know, the, the only advice you hear online, the only things you see are from even like, this is not a new thing. I think people want to pretend like these dating coaches were brand are brand new. And like a symptom, there's more of them. The availability of them is definitely more pronounced now because it's become this huge, like money making scheme where they take advantage of these lonely guys that are trying to find them. Because you can film. In your mom's basement with a camera with no proof of anything you're saying back in the day. Like if you were going to coaches, they had some type of resume. They had proof that their things work. They had, they had eloquent and well thought out plans and packages and things. And these dudes are just like, no, I get, I get ladies all the time. No, you don't know. You don't even know. So go ahead and give me your money. Like it's, it's just so easy for them to lie now. Yeah. This reminds me, this is the, that's like, there was not a purpose of that perfect lead into that video that every, all of it, everybody responded to. Alpha Dom? Yeah, of Alpha Dom. Oh, I just did an episode on him with Abby, Rosemary. Literally, I just recorded it, it's coming out this, this week. Uh, we shredded him. You think that was bad? I found his quote unquote podcast. No! So much worse. Oh my god. Yeah, he's uh, He's so like he's he's one of those dudes that I first saw and was like I was like he's bad, but he's not that bad, you know, like i've seen worse And then the second he got a little attention and some pushback. He went off the rails Like do you know his original video was him saying? Hey If your girl gets upset with you, he calls them all girls. Red flag. Of course. Um, he's like, if she gets upset with you, when she's like, she's upset and you're trying to fix her problems, which you and I have talked about, maybe ask her, do you want, do you want me to fix something or do you want me to listen? That was his first video. Actually quite sounded nice. That's fine. Yeah. And then he just D railed because guess what? What gets engagement? It. Not good advice. And that's, that's part of the, the issue of why we need a band tick tock. No, no, sorry. I was like, no, but, uh, the, it's like the people that give, I think, good sound advice end up only having. Women, like I'll use myself theoretically. If, if you assume I give good advice, my following is 92 percent women. And it's, and so it's like, Oh, that's not showing it to the guys that are seeking, or maybe it is showing it to them. But the only advice I give is you actually have to put thought and work into it. Like I spent literally an entire, you know, weekend going around San Francisco, looking for things that I could afford that would represent my, my city. That's not an easy gift. It will be much easier just to go. Via necklace, uh, from, you know, or something. These men are not looking for good advice. These men are not looking for how to make women happy. They are looking for, how do I get with a woman? How do I get with a woman in a way that is absolutely manipulative, that I'm manipulating her and, or tricking her to be, have power over her and be smarter than her and deceive her into sleeping with me. Yeah, because that's what they want. They don't want equality. They don't want chemistry. They want power. They want dominance They want to treat a woman poorly And they want someone to tell them that's the right thing to do And so that's why you see this influx of all that because it's like they don't they don't actually want like good advice They don't want sound advice But you know to the other side of the coin, which you're talking about in your case, I think you just validate what women Believe and give your perspective. And, you know, let's be real healing, hearing a educated feminist man on the internet is great. And actually is a great service. You know what I mean? But there are, you know, the other side of the coin is there are a lot of fake, nice guy, feminist men that like, they act like they're talking to men predominantly, and then they're following as all women and you're like. Yeah. Oh, you're trying to be hot. Like you can see the way they film themselves. They're like sexy. Yeah. It's a very, it's one thing I've like made it a point, like only about people don't realize it, but only about 10 percent of my content is this anti misogyny, anti dating coaches content. Right. Because, but that's, it goes viral though. Yeah. And it's, but everyone thinks that's like, Oh, that's all you do. But I think, I do. And it's, don't get me, there are people that do focus 100, like men that focus. I think up to this point, knock on wood, I can tell her just good dudes that are trying to, um, but it's, it's one of those things where I, you do kind of have to put a side eye, like, why are, why are you doing? And I think you should, like, I, even including myself, like, don't, don't put a, don't get your hopes up everybody. Who knows? I don't know. I don't have faith in myself. I'm trying this. I'm scared. Yeah, but, but I do, I do, I think it's healthy to, to have a distrust because it happens so often where somebody, there's, there's been so many creators where I'm like, this is my, this is one of my favorite creators. And then something happens. You're like, Oh no, I think it's always just thinking about. Who are they talking to? Who are they saying they're talking to? What are they wanting from the content? How do they respond within the comment section? Cause that's a big one, but it's also, how are they presenting themselves? And like, if a guy. Well, first of all, any of the dating coaches present themselves like nightmares and it doesn't matter. Uh, but like if a guy is, is supposedly talking to men, but it's trying to be really sexy, like, listen, men, we really need to shape up because women deserve better. Also, I'm shirtless and it's raining right now. I don't know. I don't know how this happened. Like that shit. You're like, okay. Okay. Okay. A good example. This is me saying a positive thing about somebody. Okay. Is, uh, did you see the, uh, the interview with Ethan Klein? And, uh, the fresh and fit podcast. Oh, oh, Ethan Klein can be a shit, but yes, he was good. Yeah. But that particular interview was unbelievable. And I don't, I don't know enough about him. So I, so I will, I will not say that stick my repetition. Okay. Uh, but his, that particular interview was unbelievable. Amazing where he, and he brought up the fact where he said, he was like, you said you use sugar daddy websites as a dating site. Right. Right. And he said, yeah, of course. That's what I was like, and then you get mad at women who want you just for your money. It's like, and you could see they were like, Yeah, boy. And he's like, yeah, when he goes, he's like, what do you think, what do you think, uh, men even think when they see your podcast? He's like, I don't know, they see how to be in a loving relationship, how to treat your wife right. And he's like, hey, are you guys married? You guys singled out. I chose not to be married. I have chosen not to be with a woman. It's like, but you're preaching how to get with women, but you're chronically single. Yeah. And, and I, like, I don't understand the disconnect. Cause I do think there are, I stand by this and maybe eventually it'll change. There's so much terrible stuff in my comment sections that is pushing me the other way, but I do stand by, I do think there are good guys that are being misled and that want love and want a relationship. And they're thinking that this is who I have to listen to, but ignoring the fact that their comment section is just other men. That are angry about the same, like, why would you only take advice to somebody that all women are saying, or the majority of women responding are saying, this is horrible advice. This is don't do this. Here's what I think about that. Let me, let me, I'm not, maybe I'm disagreeing, but I have a different perspective. How about that? Okay. So I could see. Lonely, lonely, especially younger men. Cause that seems to be predominantly their audience and who they really hook into. I could see them getting a little caught up in this. I think there's a point at which the men's insecurities and need to, to feel better about themselves, supersedes their empathy. And care for women as a whole, right? So there's a point at which they are so insecure and they feel bad about themselves. And this guy says, Hey, Listen, it's not you. Women are bitches. Women are dumb. Women are gold diggers. It's never been your fault All you need to do is listen to me and be rich or whatever the hell these dudes are saying Um, but there's a point at which these these Young men who are led astray. Absolutely. They're, they're being, they're being targeted. Like it's not an accident that these guys are finding these younger men. Right. But there's a point at which these guys are deciding my need to feel better about my loneliness and my failures in getting a romantic partner is more important than, than women. It's not a deal breaker for them to stop listening to these men. When they are hearing deeply misogynistic things when they're hearing them degrading women and negging women and when they're hearing these things like It's not enough for them to say. Oh, actually no Fuck that because it serves their egos. It makes them feel better. And that's the point at which I say I get that you were led astray. I get that you are being targeted. I get that you're being led up to this point, but when you are hearing these things and still letting yeah staying And and knowing that these men I mean tate committed violent essays and crimes Like violent like he's done. He's done horrific things. No, you're right stand by him That is a point when you lose your own humanity and your empathy in order to serve your ego You Because that's what it is. They're they want someone to say. Hey, dude, it's not you. It's not your fault It's not that you need more social skills. It's not that you you know are struggling which I have so much sympathy for 100 the fact that men can't that there are so many young men in this day and age who don't know how to have intimate friendships who don't know how to have any friendships who don't know how to Have a healthy relationships with women how to flirt Who whose social skills are lacking who are anxious All of those things I have absolute empathy for as an incredibly anxious person myself, like I have my own stuff, but it's when you're willing to harm others to stroke your own ego and to feel better about that, that is when there's a problem. And you're right. And I thought I've said, we've, we've talked about that before. When I say like, somebody will send me a Jordan Peterson clip and there's a 10 second clip where I'm like, this is great. And if that's the only thing I heard, I'm From him, then I would think, Oh yeah, I could see. He is actually a very reasonable individual, but then you can't ignore the 90 percent or more than 90 percent of, of just horrible. So you can't just say, well, what about this good thing? Andrew Tate is saying that men should, you know, work on themselves and exercise and, and, and try to get to make money. That's not a bad thing. I was like, okay, yeah, but you can't ignore the whole package. You're right. And I think if you, uh, At a certain point, you have to just accept that if you're willing to accept that the whole package for the sake of this 10%, you're also accepting some of the other stuff. It's the idea of being friends with somebody that treats you nice. But treats everyone else like shit. That's a reflection on you. It's a good point though. Like when I'm talking, I'm talking about more like dating coaches who are very overt. Right. And misogyny. Right. But it's the same philosophy. I think that can be applied to a lot of things. Yeah. But I, I think to your point, the men who are more subtle Mm-Hmm. um, the nice guys, the men who pretend to be backed by psychology, the men who pretend to be, uh, backed by, uh, who the hell knows what they're Some study, like some Right. Weird study from, uh, 1991. Uh, yeah. Those guys who who put out like, you know, maybe they put out 70 percent okay content and then there's 30 percent of atrocious shit that people get confused where they're like Oh, well, he's smart, but he's saying this but maybe maybe But I trust him on these other areas those dudes I think for sure more so than the dating coaches can can get good people very confused quickly Right, uh can get maybe people who didn't have as Deeply misogynistic views can get them wrapped up in it a little bit more Because people I think online have a hard time like Separating things like oh if I like 90 percent of what he says But I don't like this 10 percent like, eh, probably the 10 percent is okay. Versus like, some people say profound things and are truly terrible people. Right. And, and that's the reality. It's like, you don't know everybody and we're con Like another dude, I for I don't know what the guy's name is, but he had a One of the most popular podcasts, and apparently he was, uh, it was like a s He was like a neuroscientist or something, do you know what I'm talking about? It was, uh, Huberman? Yes. Yeah. Oh, he just got outed for being a dog. Yeah. I've never listened to his podcast, but again, he took a hard shit. Cause I remember hearing about you're sending, I never listened to him, but I remember hearing about him originally. It seemed like a legit dude because of his credentials and everything. And no, but then, yeah, man, it's, it's where the money is. It's all about like, Oh, this it's, it's all a con. It's all about just like, what can I do to get more views and make more money? Uh, and this is the shift I have to make. Yeah. I feel like this is true of anybody who has privilege in any way. So we're speaking about misogyny, right? But this applies to racism, homophobia, whatever. I think that there's a level within most people unless they have unpacked it actively. Okay. Once they get to a certain level of privilege, they start taking more advantage of said, said, like, once they get to a certain level of like, whether that's wealth. Or esteem or fame They really lean into the privilege. So it's like it's like all the hollywood actors you see who get super famous and cheat on their partners and Treat, you know staff like shit and treat waiters like shit and maybe they weren't always horrible people but it's like you get people who all of a sudden are given absolute access are given Whatever they want whenever they want it And we see what happens with these people. It's like, unless they have unpacked their stuff and are. You know, actively working at being good healed people, which just because someone's field is in like mental health or whatever, like that doesn't mean they're about that. That doesn't mean their own ego doesn't supersede that right. And I think there's a level you get to with once you've had people tell you you're, you know, So smart, you're so intelligent, you're so great. Then all of a sudden you start thinking that you can be that same way about every issue, right? And no matter what you want, like, no, I've studied, you know, feminist issues and, and, and women's studies and things like that for and gender for 20 plus years, I still do. We talked about Elizabeth O'Kaley. I still do not, will never. Have the level of, uh, agency or expertise in what it's like to be a woman, right? Cause I still, there's still going to be blind spots for me, no matter how hard I work, no matter how much I read, no matter how much I listen, I'm still going to have certain blind spots just simply because I have the, the structural standpoint of experiencing the world in a way. Where I am not a woman, right? And I think it's hard for people to understand it. And they accepting that you, you, this very intelligent, smart human being might have someone who is quote unquote, lesser than you or let, and I'm not talking about gender, but it's just less educated than you. That might actually know more about a topic. Then you, and, and, and that's where you end up. I, and that goes back to Jordan Peterson, where he talks about these, these issues that he has no expertise on, right? He, if he just stuck to his bread and butter, I, you could just kind of like, let him do his thing, but he started then applying it to these things that had nothing to do with his background or his research and his expertise, and that's where you end up getting all these horrible situations. They still have those issues that they haven't addressed. And then they speak on these issues and act like they're the authority on it. Because. They feel that they are. And I feel like that brings up like two points with these people, which is like the first being they get to a point where they're not used to being challenged or checked. They get to the point where they are constantly being told out great there. They get to the point where they are, you know, being comment sections, full of admiration. And even their fans will fight other people who question them and they may foster that environment. And it's like, They get to that point and then anybody going against them, they're like, how dare you? And they turn into these like aggressive, like, like I will attack people and, and feel justified to do so because no one is like, they're, they're just so used to everyone worshiping them and they get a God complex essentially. What, where, how dare you question, how dare you question me? Which I think we see a lot. And like, I've even seen it. Uh, and like people I knew who then maybe got a little bit bigger on social media and I see them behaving towards people in ways that I'm like, Whoa, where did that come from? And it's just because they've been like a gas up, I guess, to the point where they think, you know, no, one's going to question me. I'm, I'm the greatest thing. I think that comes right back full circle to these, the dating coaches, right? Because why are they making, why do they keep on making such a harder and harder shift to saying this misogynistic stuff? Because they get comment sections full of people telling them, yes, you're right. You're amazing. You're fantastic. Tell me more about this. This is great. And so they, they keep on buying into it because it does, it feeds the ego. It's frightening to watch. It's frightening to see the people that follow them blindly. Um, And again, it's just realizing that like no matter what someone's showing you you're you're getting what two percent of them You're getting two percent of them. You don't know them parasocial relationships You know, we have to start looking at people critically and um Yeah, it's just scary. It's scary because we all fall into that trap of being like, oh, I know you don't know them But like this creator's good or this guy's good and then they come out You Yeah being not so great and treating people poorly. I mean like jesus christ look at fucking jlo like just Right. Oh, I mean i've been all over that and it's like, you know, you have this woman I think why it's so interesting is like she's dead set On presenting herself as like this humble rags to riches personable like everybody's girl, like, you know, just this very approachable relatable person. It's like you are, you know, according to everyone, like anybody that's met, you are so unkind and are so entitled and so bougie. Like just be bougie if that's what you want to be, you know, like, But treats people like shit because she's been able to for so long and it's like it's just an interesting example of like She's fine. Everyone collective is like no we don't buy that Like we know that's not true, but it but it is interesting to see like how people Are really being straightforward with the fact that like we want Authenticity we want realness We don't want to be sold something. We don't want You don't have to be like this this perfect idol person like just be real and that's why it's okay to split the bill 50 50 How did we get here Well, i'll tell you know what you know what What we need in the moments of splitting the bill is authenticity and honesty by saying either I'm down to pay for all this, I'm asking you on a date and I'm going to pay for it. I'm asking you on a date and I want to split what we need in those moments is authenticity and realness. So everyone can agree. Or disagree, but like everybody understands what's happening. And just because you pay, it does not give you unchecked power to do with whatever you want. Boom. Everything is full circle connected. It all is beautiful. We nailed that. There's no question that this was, uh, totally well thought out, practiced, and polished. I'm Mr. Big Me! And I am the Man Hater. Thank you for listening. Yeah, if you like our stuff, there is stuff we should say, like, right? You should, you should tell your friends about this super organized and very clearly thought out, Planned outlined podcast. Um, you should write nice reviews about us online instead of the mean ones. Uh, if you like us, if you like us, if you don't like us, just, just, just unsubscribe. What's the, why you gotta be mean? You don't have to listen to us. It's okay. You don't need to listen to us. And Reagan will keep sending you your podcast till you finish the one episode. If that happens, it's not me. It's Spotify. Bye. Yeah. Oh, Lord. But also check out, uh, our social Do we have social media? There is a Mr. Pick Me and the Manhater Instagram, and we have a YouTube channel set up. Once again, super planned out, super profesh. Super planned out, there might be a Patreon, profesh, my god. There might be a Patreon coming, there might be, just be on the lookout and we'll keep you posted. Yes, look in the show notes, I'm pointing to the audio. Oh, we are some bright bulbs up in here. All right. Thank you to everyone who's listening and we will see you next week. Bye. Bye.