I Was Your Friend For Three Years And You Still Won't Date Me?!

On this week's episode, Chesko and Regan discuss:
"AITA for no longer walking my friend home to her dorm after she rejected me?"

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Transcript

0:00

Hello, everyone. This is Reagan, a. k. a. The Man Hater. Hi. I mean Stop! It's because I did it different, isn't it? I mess it up. Okay. And this is No, we're going with it. This is Let's go. The Man Hater's friend. Nope. Mr. Pick Me. Waiting to be Or already been picked and picking some more. Mr. Picking My Nose. We have to redo that. A hundred percent. There it is. Oh my, no, we have to. That was so not right. No, that was way bad. That was not, that was awful. Okay. Hello everyone. And welcome back. I am Reagan. I'm Jesco. Oh my God. Stop. Guess we're doing a podcast. Okay. No, I am Reagan. AKA the man hater. Bye. And I'm Chesco, AKA Mr. Pick Me. Even though I do not hate men. And I've already been picked. See, that's, we did it. That was the thing. What if I, what if I cosplayed one week as like a capable adult that could do a podcast without It would be noticed probably. falling apart. Yeah. Oh shit. Yeah. I, I just blacked out as soon as I realized I messed up. I'm like, wait, what do we say? How do podcast? Oh, anxiety. I feel like everyone, this podcast, they don't realize that we talk for like an hour ahead of time for the Patriot. So when I feel like everyone listening that Jess listens to the podcast Yeah. Is like when they, why are they so loopy when this, they're like winded, confused, just sweating. Why is JCO always sweating? You don't even wanna know what goes on. No. Or you might wanna know. It's on the Patreon if you need to know, but it's, it's a lot. You're better off. It's become a weird little, little community of weirdos. could be a weirdo with us. Okay. JustCo. So we. Are going to be getting potentially some bad advice today from a redditor who had to ask Am I the asshole for no longer walking my friend home to her dorm after she rejected me theme song You want bad advice, man. I'll give it out. I got some good advice for you Got some good advice for you There you go, buddy, oh nailed that That was great. To be clear, I am saying weirdo in the most endearing way. It's too late. You've already insulted everybody. No. When I say you're a weirdo, what I'm saying is you're the real normal one. Let's just go! It's the normals that are the weirdos, right? In certain ways, at least in my life. You're still using weirdo in a derogatory manner. But I mean, I guess you're right. I can't really keep doing that. Um, what I, what I like to think is that I'm trying to think of something to fly and there's nothing there. I'm just a bad person. Just cancel me. I'm going to go. We have got to get this together. We have not even started. We are going down. I'm sorry, everybody. I like you all. And I like weirdos. We like weirdos. We're weird. We like weirdos. Keep Mr. Pick Me and the Man Hater weird. Stay weird, friends. Okay. Yes. Here is our fun little story for today. Okay. Am I the asshole for no longer walking my friend home to her dorm after she rejected me? Okay. Yes. Probably. Yes. All right. Podcast over. All right. See everybody. Okay. I 21 male have been friends with Annie 21 female for three years now since the start of college. So that's a long time. We usually chill at one of our friends places every Saturday night with our friends group. After we're done. I walk her to her dorm first before heading back to my dorm. This has been the default and I never really thought too much of it. A month ago, I asked her out, but she wanted to remain friends. It didn't bother me too much, but I obviously wanted to cut back on our friendship a bit. We were still amicable and part of the same group and still joked around with each other. However, I've stopped walking her back to her dorm and just walk back to my dorm. The first couple of weeks, she did walk back on her own to her dorm. However, last week, she asked if I could walk her back because she was extremely scared walking alone at night, especially when she was drunk. I told her to just get an Uber or ask someone else because I was getting too tired to walk her home to her place and then walk back to my place. The conversation was sort of awkward and we left it at that. Am I the asshole? I'm just gonna go. You can't keep leaving. You have to help me. Let's rewind a little bit too because and so obviously the uh, I want to cut back on my friendship. A little bit after the, uh, the rejection happens. I don't think that's wholly unreasonable in the sense that, uh, you know, you're, you're like, all right, I don't want to, I don't want to make this weird. I don't want to, you already did make it weird, but I don't want to get more weird. Maybe I should just kind of, I don't want her to think I'm still trying to, you know, to do anything, et cetera. That that's fine. Sorry for muting myself and then coughing when I unmuted. I know, I was like, what did that accomplish? Um, assuming then the implication, at least from this short story is that they are going to attempt to remain friends right afterwards, right? There's still, he still would like to keep hanging out on a platonic level on a, in a friend group level. And. Would you do that for any other friend that had not rejected you? And if the answer is yes. I mean, honestly, the answer either way is kind of no, because if you wouldn't do that for a friend. You're an asshole too, right? You're kind of, kind of suck anyways. Like, and I'm saying this as I'm the, you may not have known this. I'm six foot five. What? I thought you were a short king. No, I was the big guy that would walk people like, cause I lived on campus, right? I walked people all the time back to their places. So I'm saying this as someone who had that role of not having to worry when I was walking back to my apartment, not having to worry about, uh, those and, and obviously aside from any. Normal person having any worries, but it's a different type of worry. Uh, and so of course, especially if I was out drinking, we're, uh, out of people, I was always walking people home because we're on a college campus with other drunk people and people doing stupid things. And so, uh, you know, that was a very common place. So I understand that role. And if you cut that role off simply because you were rejected, uh, then, then you're at that point, you're being malicious. Yeah, I think you make a lot of good points. I think it is important to address the fact that like, There is something reasonable about like wanting to pull back a little bit. If you are attracted to a friend, you make that clear to that friend. That friend is like, no, thank you. Like sometimes you do need to pull back maybe because you're realizing like I'm emotionally invested and she's not, or he's not, or they're not. So I need to maybe distance myself because it feels awkward or I need to get over it because I want this friendship to continue. And the other option is like, Oh, well I'll just keep loving them and pursuing them and trying to sneak. Like that's not good either. So I think, I think it's good to acknowledge like taking a step back is not a bad thing, especially if it's protecting both of you. But we're looking at the fact that this girl has been your friend for three years. She has counted on you walking her back for three years. She is used to that. And you've, you've made that to be an aspect of your friendship with her. This is not a new thing. This is not because you like liked her, I guess in her mind, that's not because you liked her. She didn't know about it. And now that she doesn't want to date you, you're revoking what she saw as friendship in general, general care and concern for her. Because she won't date you. So it, it brings to mind questions of, were you only ever doing that because you liked her? Did you want to be alone with her at her door? Was this always way of getting with her? It was in that case is incredibly manipulative and the fact that like, again, you're removing an element of safety. Because she won't date you like you're punishing her by removing safety. That is malicious. That is a little bit nefarious and It just think it just makes me think so like all the toxic men who when you ask for equality They're like then go to war and I get to punch you like, okay. Whoa Yeah, whoa Okay. Why did your mind go to that immediately? Like instead of seeing all these other aspects, you're immediately thinking, okay, well, since I'm not getting more of what I want, I'm going to take something from you. And that to me is not a good sign. And the response is always, uh, it's, well, it's not my, it's not my job to have to do that. I shouldn't have to do that. That goes for every nice thing you would ever do for a friend ever though. Like, but it only becomes a talking point when it's in this particular situation, right? Of course you don't have to Help someone that fell down next to you. Obviously a nice person would be there. You don't have to help. So if an old lady can't open a door, I don't know, old person, it could be, there's old people in general. Um, if you see something bad happen to somebody in general, as a nice person, or if you see something, you can prove something, a way to prevent something bad from happening to somebody else that has no real material cost to yourself. Then a good person does those things, right? If the only, he says, uh, he's tired or he was, or something, it was the end of the night, but that only mattered now. Right. And I think, I think that's the thing too, is it's like, this really isn't an issue of you walking her home or not. This is an issue of. Why now are you too tired? Why now are you willing to push through because what did you expect from this? And if you had an expectation then you were never being kind and that needs to be examined Like this nice thing you were doing supposedly out of friendship. You were only ever doing to get with her like that's not cool that's gross and of course she didn't understand that because This is why she's confused. And it's like, it's always scary to me when someone revokes basic decency. Like, basic friendship. Like, I walked my friends to their apartments. Like, I don't see, I'm not six, five, but like, I still try, you know, yeah. Especially if they were intoxicated or, yeah. Yeah. And like, you know, as a woman, you have to be really conscious of your surroundings. We would always go in groups and it's like, I did that because they're my friends. I mean, I work a guy, whoever I, you know, because I care about my friends. And so like, For him all of a sudden to be like, I'm too tired to care about your safety. It's just such a gross thing to do. Like, oh, you won't date me. Now you have to walk home scared every night. It's also, I've, I've been, I've been on huge campuses. I went to grad school at Arizona state, which is like gigantic. Like the, the dorms are, are a fair distance. It's still not that far to walk. So if you both live in the dorms, you know, like Cooper, like how far is it? Like, Two blocks that way than a block the other way. It's not like it's this really huge thing. Um, but also, and then, but then it comes back to the question of, uh, Was like, he, like you said, was he always only doing it in the hopes that it would eventually pay off? He was putting in his friendship tokens, uh, to eventually have her become his girlfriend. A hundred percent. He was because that should make no difference unless it was a means to an end for him. Unless it was to gain something from her to manipulate her, there would be no reason that walking her home would stop because he couldn't date her. Right. I mean, like the amount of tired he was that wouldn't change now that you won't date me, Mike. Zosh gone way tired of her bullshit. Yeah. Am I right boys? Am I right? I'm tired of the games. I'm tired of the friend zone. Why should we play these games? And the thing is, I don't. It is very possible. It's happened. I'm sure to lots of people before, like my, my wife and I were friends before there was any romantic, uh, interest there. I mean, I did. I thought she was cute at first, obviously, but she had a boyfriend. I moved on, dated other people. Um, but there's, there's plenty of times where you can be friends with somebody and all of a sudden, one of you might gain interest, uh, in the other person. Um, but what, like what comes down to is, it. You can, if you can be honest with them and they give you an honest rejection, uh, to that, it's how you respond to that. That says a lot about the entire friendship. A hundred percent. And how sad is it as someone who has experienced this before? Guys, I genuinely thought, like, I thought we were my friends, like, truly. I thought we were, like, really good friends. And then I rejected them, and guess what? The friendship disappeared, gone. It's such a sad realization. Like, I feel so bad for her, because I assume she genuinely thought this was her friend. And the second she rejects him, he's like, yeah, I don't care if you get home safe. Sorry. Sorry, I don't do that now. You won't sleep with me. Sorry. I think a lot of it has to do too with the, uh, the constant. Media and talking points that tell men that, uh, that you can't be friends, you know, with, with, uh, someone of, of the quote, unquote, opposite gender. Um, right. The weird thing is, uh, and I, I made a video about this a week or two ago. Um, I'm still friends with literally every woman that I've dated, not just like friends, but like, Women that I had romantic relationships that didn't work out with, right. And it's not like I'm obviously we don't, it's not like we're hanging out all the time and, and going to parties together. I'm like, Hey, I'm going to sleep over at so and so's house tonight. Is that okay? Um, but I, I still have a, if they were to ever say, Hey, I need this favor, Hey, can you do this thing? Of course I would treat them the exact same way I would any other friend. Um, because I wasn't. I didn't need to turn them into a villain in order to move on with my life. And that's, that's the, the key. The lot of, a lot of people just don't. And I would say it does happen to their men and women. This did absolutely do the same thing. Anybody. Yeah. That, uh, will, that will all immediately argue, well, this didn't work out romantically, I have to turn them into a terrible person and stopping around them. And if that's what you need, that's fine, but it doesn't sound once again, in this particular instance, Like that is what he needed. It's just, he still wanted all the other benefits. He wanted to go back to normal and that's fine, but you can't then have these weird stipulations that you won't do for someone. And I think I love the point you're making about making them the villain, because if you villainize the other person, you remove accountability. Because you can say I'm dropping that person. I'm never talking to them and That is a cruel act to do to someone who's never done you wrong other than rejecting you But if you villainize them and they're a bad person, it's like, okay, then that makes sense to cut that person off So I think villainizing them is a real great way for these men to avoid accountability But it's also interesting to me that these men make it sound like it's the worst thing in the world to be friends with a woman You Literally, they're like, Oh my God, she wants to be my friend. Like, ew. You don't like women? There's nothing I would ever want to do to be around a woman. That is the, it doesn't logically doesn't make any sense to me. Like, like there's a reason why. I married a woman, like, there's a reason why I dated women, right? You get, you get me, right? You get it. You get it. Like there, I like being around women, both in friendships and, and like, you know, with my wife, like that, that was, that is something that was enjoyable. If I hated women, I'd date men. Here's the thing though. That's where we see the toxicity with toxic men is that by their own behavior and their own commentary, one can only conclude, like the way they talk about the friend zone, for example, they don't like women. They're sexually attracted to women. They like men. They want to be around men. They want to talk to men. They do not want to be around women unless the women are providing them with some type of sexual interest or whatever that is, whether flirting, whatever, because they genuinely get so upset when women just want to be friends because they don't want, like, they don't want to talk to them. They, like, they make fun of them all the time. Toxic men, of course. And it's so bizarre to me. And like, they genuinely despise The woman they're trying to sleep with uh, and it's um, It's really sad. It's really gross thinking about how many women like Dedicate their time attention and love to friendships With men who only interact with them in the hopes of sleeping with them Like build it build the whole relationship based off of manipulation Because what that means is you were never my friend If you only want to be my friend to sleep with me, then that's not friendship You It's manipulation. And it's just, you just feel so bad. But I do have an update for our story. I don't know if you're ready for that. Okay. I'm a little worried. I know. This is from the guy. Okay. I was the asshole. No shit, buddy. No shit. I apologized to my friend this morning and explained to her my feelings because I guess I haven't been too upfront about it after she rejected me. I told her I wanted to cut down on our one on one time, and that's why I didn't walk her home last week. But that obviously was the wrong way to go about it. I was extremely drunk that night, and I did not think too clearly about it when she asked me to walk her home. I told her from next time on, she could ask me to walk her home, and I would. But I would prefer if she had someone else walk her home, and to consider me as sort of a last resort. She did tell me I had nothing to apologize for, and that she understood, and it was her fault. And she shouldn't have sprung it on to me at the last minute. I expected the whole conversation to be super awkward, but it was not. And she seemed very happy and sort of emotional about it. We joked around after that. We're not the type to be serious with each other. We joke around with each other a lot. So I'm super happy things are not awkward between us anymore. I do think that is an acceptable boundary. If you express it, if you say, I don't, I personally, like in a bubble, right? If I said, you know what? I just, I've tried. I'm not comfortable because I, I don't want it because if the, if the purpose of it is, I feel like I'm misleading you. I don't want to feel like I'm trying to manipulate you. I can't separate my feelings right now. So I don't, I would like to not be in one on one situations or try as little as possible. I think. If you communicate that as a, that is a personal boundary that is not controlling somebody else. That is, that is a thing for yourself. But once again, it comes down to, and he admits it, right? The, if you don't express that to the other person and you have led them, then it, then it becomes cruel, right? Because you're still leading them to think that everything you're doing is on the surface is honest. When in reality, there might be something hidden beneath. I have lots of thoughts on this one. Okay. Um. One, I think he's changing his tune a little bit. Oh, yeah. I don't believe him. I'm saying, I'm saying in this, if this, that's why I said in a bubble, I think that's an acceptable boundary to communicate. I think, you know, the fact that, you know, he said he was too tired and then it's cause, you know, he has too many feelings and then it's because he was too drunk. I want to cut down on our one on one time. Like, you know, I, I think it's interesting that there's so many different excuses than the first time. I think these posters always. It's always, Oh, well, let's say face this. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what I'm saying. I don't, because if, if you really, if that was really all there from the get go, you would have included that in the original post. Right. Well, you know, and for me and I am biased in the sense I've had This happened too many times. I think the whole thing is very cruel. I think men pretending to be friends with women and doing kind protective things under the guise of friendship and then Removing said things when you won't sleep with them, right? I think all of this is incredibly manipulative and in that case, it's like If you walked a girl home because you wanted to sleep with her, then you should be upfront about that. If that whole time you were walking her home, you wanted to get with her. And that was just a way of manipulating her, which also, if she's trying to be safe, like that's not that safe. Like, that's actually a risk. Um, I think if you need to be up front about it, like then you need it to be up front then from the start. And that, and that 100%, and that's, I've, I've made videos, but the point where the idea is that it's the second you, you have to be honest, right? And it might not always be like immediately, like, Oh my God, I have to tell her immediately. Cause it, cause sometimes you might just be doing something that is not actually there. Um, but if you do the set, when you do realize That it's, you have more interest in something more than what is going on. You owe it to that person. If you do actually care about them as a person to tell them that, or else, like you said, it, it quickly transforms into manipulation into, uh, and a lot of emotional abuse. Because you are leading them on to believe they're developing this friendship view and they're putting stuff into that friendship that they may not have done either. They likely wouldn't have done if they had known your true intentions in that moment. And that's all it comes down to is why it's so important to be honest with other people. Yeah. Yeah. And I, I guess it just feels like in this case, like it's a little bit of a weaponization of emotions in my opinion. Yeah. Because for me, there's a pretty clear takeaway from the original, which is like, you rejected me. Why should I go out of my way for you? Like, right. You didn't, you know, that's the vibe to me. So this, this secondary one where he's instead saying to her, like, Oh, you know, I just care about you so much that like, I can't be alone with you. So I can't walk you home at night when you're scared and drunk. And you know, he's saying she got emotional. We don't know if that's true, but it could be true. And, you know, I've had that happen to where it's like, I just like you so much that I can't do this thing. And it's like so many women I think fall for that. Uh, when in actuality, like it's, it's not a kindness he's doing for you. It's not that he likes you so much. It's that you rejected him. So he doesn't want to do a nice thing for you. Like I'm sure he could walk you home. I'm sure you guys could talk about. non emotional topics, you know, and, and like, I'm sure this girl will absolutely find somebody else to walk with. Like, I don't think that's, I don't think that's the issue we're talking about here. I'm sure she can find a safe way to get home. But it's just the idea of him being like, Oh, this is actually cause I'm such a sweet boy. I'm not walking you home when you're drunk on like, when you're scared because I'm such a sweet boy, my emotions are so strong. Like it's like guys who only bring out their emotions to excuse their behavior is gross. Yeah, in this particular situation, like when you pop the bubble and actually look at all the context to it, it does feel like this is a further attempt to, uh, manipulate her into seeing how wonderful he is, and also in a lot of ways, a, uh, a type of blackmail, like, just so you know. I, I, because I care for you so deeply and I don't trust myself and blah, blah, blah, that if you want these things that you clearly did enjoy for years as my friend, if you want this still, the only way you're going to get it. is by giving me what I want. And that is where that's once again, where it stopped being a boundary and starts being coercion starts being something a lot more, uh, and, and, you know, obviously there there's, we can, there's only so much you can tell from a 300 word. Sure. Right. It's all possible. Intent is hard to read. Um, you know, we're giving our interpretations of that's why people listen to us. But, um, you know, that it's shocking, right? Not the facts about things. Yeah. It's the flavor. Because I think it's, I think often as people Well, listen to say, well, I really wasn't intending anything. I just don't, and that's fine. That does happen, right? If you were that individual in the same way, when I, if I say men do something, I'm not saying I don't have to prep preface, but saying not all men are doing this to the vote, not all. Um, but it, it does feel like this is the next step in the game to continue to be a part of her life so that eventually she can realize, you know, Oh, my God. He was there all along. Yeah. It wasn't until he took this, this thing away that I realized he's who I should be walking. He still should be walking me home every night for the rest of my life. Oh, a walk to remember. We were talking. I don't know. That might have been on the Patreon now that I think that was the pre show. Oops. Sorry. Sorry. Go with that. If you're a walk to remember fan of Mandy Moore, you'll enjoy our Patreon. Oh, Lord. Yeah. I mean, it's just, you know, I've, like I said, I've had this. before. And like you put up with a certain level of flirtation because you don't want to have this abrupt thing, especially in the dynamic of a friend group, because that really can cause a problem. Like if a guy likes you in a friend group and you like really are firm with him, this shit happens. Where they do, they're like, I don't wanna be alone with you. I don't wanna do this. And they can make it really awkward for you. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's really hard to Yeah. Deal with this type of dynamic and, and I think it's what, what you're saying right there too about the, the way the friend group functions, they want her. To adjust things so that they are not uncomfortable anymore without ever asking the question, how can I adjust things as the person who made this weird, right? Not make them uncomfortable. Right. It's, it's very much pushing it onto. The, the, the person who did literally nothing wrong, it is now on her to figure out how to make this all better as opposed to, to him figuring out and, and dealing with his own stuff. And that is the way it goes. Most of the time is like the person who has. the attraction just like that on the girl or the person and then that person has to be like oh shit well i'm not interested and then they have to somehow figure out how to like deal with that without losing their spot in the friend group because people will pick sides if it goes and again it's like this was never a relationship like it's one thing if the two dated and then it didn't work out right and then yeah for her to have huge social repercussions which they We're not saying they are, but in general, it can happen. Or the person who just had a friend who was not their friend, who liked them. And they didn't know that. And the friendship was built off of an attraction they weren't aware of. Can then lose out on their friend group because they, because there was, they didn't know about it. And then all of a sudden they're being punished as if there was a breakup when like literally they were never together. And that is, that's never, that's never good. But my favorite thing is to, uh, cause you hear this in a lot of stories where they're like, Oh, and she, she was totally, she laughed, she cried. It was just beautiful. Like that, that she was being very honest with me as if she couldn't also be. Uh, doing what she has to do in order, once again, to coddle his feelings so that he doesn't then get angry and ruin everything that she, like, literally, like you said, it's as if a breakup happened, even though she literally was just existing in this thing that she thought was just a platonic friendship. You know, it's the same thing as if, like, You like someone of the the gender you're not attracted to like you thought you were this bff and then they're like I guess in my case that was kind of what was happening But like you build a friendship with them. They're like, oh So this whole time I actually liked you and you're like, Oh shit, sorry. Like I'm not attracted to you. And they're like, Oh, okay, cool. So I'm going to make this really awkward. Now we're not friends anymore. Everything you thought was friendship was a manipulation for me trying to get with you. That's all gone now. You don't get any of that anymore. Even though you spent in this case years building this friendship up, uh, I'm going to retract that. And now you've just like wasted all of that time with me because I was never who I claim to be. Yeah, like that sucks like especially like Cause I, you know, the friendship on the girl's side or whoever's side, but we'll talk about the girls, the woman's side was a hundred percent real, they thought, and the guy's side wasn't. And so like those realizations are rough. And I don't know if you're going to say, like my worst, my like emotional breakups are from the friends I've lost. Like those hurt so much, like ex relationships and that's probably why I've been able to maintain acquaintanceships with them. Cause I was like, yeah. Whatever, like, there's a reason we moved on. Yeah, we're good. We're good. Yeah. But like, when, when friendships end, those, those still hurt. Yeah. You know, cause there's something happened for whatever, for any reason, um, it's, those are the things that really, and so this is, yeah, I feel like this is such a, a big deal that, that she is, you know, Being forced. And this is what happens repeatedly that it's, it's in order to make this continue in order to not literally ruin her entire social life with this because it's a friend's group is a part of, uh, and, and then, and what, what would happen if it got weird is that once again, people will be like, well, You know, you didn't, we didn't have to be so mean to him about it, or you didn't have to be, you could have, you could have at least like, did you ever try, you know, we can't, can't blame him for having feelings, especially with young. I feel like older, if this was an older friend group, people would probably, I think, be a little bit more aware of it, but I think with younger groups, it's always. Immediately to the defense of the poor little boy. The poor little boy with few wings. He had his few wings and he couldn't help it. He just liked you. You know how boys are. Can I tell you a tale? No. You're so mead. Please tell me your story. Alright? I'm going to pretend the lesson. I would love to hear about your life. Chesco, watch yourself. You're gonna get cancer. It's our final podcast episode. I know. Thanks for joining us. This is my last story. So I was in a friend group, okay? And there were two guys in said friend group who liked me. One of which I was very attracted to, one of which I was not and was never attracted to, never, never flirted with. Like, to be fair, I, there are men I'm attracted to. I, that I am like, you're very, you're good looking, I like flirting, I like all that stuff. Just once we get to a certain point, I'm like, oh, you lost me. Like, ugh. Any form of anatomy involved, I'm like, I gotta go. So this guy's probably the most I've ever been attracted to is this guy. Uh, anyways, so C was the guy I was attracted to and J is the guy I was not. Okay. So, There was absolutely like, it was very clear who I was attracted to. There was no question among, in the friend group, everybody knew, but Jay was positive that it was a competition. Okay. How that came about, I don't know. So like, you know, like we would all hang out and he'd be trying so hard, but he would also be pretending to be my friend. We'd all hang out in like a big group and You know, there was like weird little things he would do. Like, I remember we were out drinking one night and, and, uh, he was just like, Hey, you're getting a little sloppy, which like, I didn't drink very much. So I'm like, uh, okay. And then he tried to kiss me later. So I was like, Oh, well that's those two things should not go together. If you think I'm sloppy, don't try to kiss my face. You know, these, that should have been just end of friendship there. But like he was always trying and I was like, Oh my God, he was like really tiny. So I was like, get out of here. You know, um, doing exactly that. Oh, I don't want to ruin. Yeah. I was like, please don't ruin our entire friendship. By the way, they were best friends. But you know, Jay would constantly be talking shit on C to me was always trying to date me and I, you know, I was overly because I've had this happen so many times. I was like, I'm not interested. I'm not, we're only friends. He's like, no, I know. I know. I know. But just one, let me just, let me just give you one time. I gotcha. Gotcha. Oh my God. I'm in love. Yeah. So, okay, no, just buckle up for this. So, so he's like, Hey, you know, he's texting me. I was like, let's, do you want to drive around? Which I used to love that like honestly like I had guys that was a whole thing We and not parking not parking literally driving and we listen to music like I I to this day Love like a good drive at night. So he's like, let's go. Let's go for a drive and I was like I don't know. He's like, no, no, no. Cause I don't remember what was going on, but I was upset about something for years. And I'm like, I, we're not going out. Right. Like, we're just going for Jeff. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, okay. Like I was so, cause I was like, I can force this with my attire. So I was wearing like sweats, like, like, you know, not like you're not, you're going out sweats. Like, sorry, that's the way I live my life. Sadly, I know exactly what you're talking about. Not your fancy sweats. These are my home sweats. These are my torn up from high school. Yeah. I know what you're talking about. So I was wearing my dirty sweats. That's how badly I was trying to signal without imploding a friend group. I don't want you. So I look a mess. I mean, I look, like, purposefully. So. We're driving around and all of a sudden we're getting a little too close to things because normally you go on the back roads, right? Right. I'm like, then he pulls up to this big mall that has a theater. And he's like, we're gonna go see a movie. And I feel like I didn't even have my purse with me for some reason. Because I thought we were just like, doing a little, you know. Cruising, yeah, yeah. Um, I probably forgot it home on purpose, which now I would never do. Like, don't leave anywhere without your purse, please. Um, but I don't think I have my purse for some reason. Because I couldn't pay. And I was like, I don't want to do this. And he's like, no, no, no, I've got money. I'll, I'll take care of it. I'm like, no, this is not a date. Like, I don't want to do that. That's not why I don't want to do this. Right. I'm like, this is not a date. I don't want to do this. And he's like, no, no, no. I got it. And he's like, it's a friend thing. It's a friend date. Like I, I told like, he was still like, no, no, no. I get it. Like, we're just friends. I, I hear you. Just a quick commentary. I that is one of the things I hate so much when anybody even when for actual friends are doing this Yeah, when it's like you you express a like like literally I know about something. Yes, and they're like, oh, no, no No, I'll do this like no, that's not what oh, okay. Well, don't worry. We'll do this and they're continually Yes, giving you like fixing what they believe is the problem possible reasons like just Take my no, I don't feel like doing that. No, I said no! Especially if you're a people pleaser, it's so hard. Right, right. And you know, it's like, I've learned, because, like for example, my wife, is introverted and has some solid no's that she's not you know if she's a no it's usually a no and so i used to be like i'll fix it i'll make it but sometimes i had to realize like no it's just a no like sometimes she needs to be by herself it's there's nothing you don't need to fix it you can't fix it and i think people have that idea like i'm a fixer too so like i get the urge granted he was not trying to fix anything no except us up well guess what movie he took me to chesco A walk to remember with Mandy Moore. No, no, that'd be funny though. It was date night. He took me to date night on our not date. Okay. So he forces me to go to this. We go see the movie. It's fine. Steve Carell, Tina Fey, it's alright. And then we're driving and I'm like Pulls into the parking lot like instead of going out. He's going it more in and I'm like, stop, stop, stop doing it. Stop. Okay. So I have like flip flops on sweats. Like just, I, I don't want to be out right now. And he like opens the car door and he's, he cranks up some Latin music. He's Latin by the way. Um, and he starts playing. Um, it's like salsa or something. Um, and he's like, come dance with me. And I was like, No! No! And we're literally in a mall parking lot. He's got his headlights on. He's blasting music full volume. The doors open. And I was like, Jay, no, I really don't want to. And he's like, no, no, come on, come on. Let's dance. Come on. Let's dance. I will say, and this is not defending him. Uh, this is something I absolutely would have thought was like the most romantic thing ever at 21 years old. I was like, this is it. This is something he used more than once. So, so he's, he's blasting the music and like, I love that music. Like we had gone out dancing several times. Like I love salsa. I love all those, like all different types of dancing. Not in a mall parking lot, not in my sweats, not in my flip flops. You know how hard it is to dance salsa and flip flops. It's nearly impossible. Oh yeah. You're like, of course I do. Yeah. I do it all the time. Uh, no. So, so I'm actually, I'm very good at salsa dancing. Thank you very much. I believe that. Salvadoran, you'll remember. I, I believe you can dance. I've never said you couldn't. No, I'm very, I'm very clumsy. I'm not terrible. I'm not terrible. I'm not great. I don't want to, I don't want to lead my audience on to believe that I am some salsa king. If we ever do an event, I'm like, do it, salsa music. Oh no, no. Oh shit. Oh shit. Only when everyone's drunk and there's no cameras. So the music is blasting. I've said no multiple times at this point. He's not leaving. He will not let this go. So I'm like, So I just like didn't it just do like a couple steps and a spin and I'm like good god. We're done. Thank you Thank you, because at that point you are just giving you're like, okay fine. This is gonna go quicker if I do this thing Dance with you in mall parking lot in my flip flops in my sweats It is awful because he literally would not let up. I mean, I cannot I cannot put that Like strongly enough. Like, he's like, come on, come on. And I'm like, fine. So we do, I mean, I couldn't have done it any quicker. And then I was like, all right, get in the car. And I'm like, take me home, please. So we get home and then like. Again, at this point, I've made it very clear I like C, like, have made my intentions quite clear. I'm pretty sure we had kissed and stuff. Like, it was not, it was not a mystery. Uh, and we end up dating. And, two things that he did that I think are very interesting. One of which, right after we started dating, or, so we weren't together yet. We were like, dating. And, I think I, Had said, I did not the dancing. What, what finally convinced you to, no, I was dating C, I'm joking. I'm joking. Yeah, I did. He actually, C was a very good dancer and it did, it did have an impact. So I am swayed by that. Just not by this guy. Uh, so we were all hanging out and like all of them were Spanish speaking. I was the only person who like, who did not speak Spanish, but I'll tell you what, Chesco, I do know a couple of words, including kiss and girl. So we were all hanging out and they all started speaking Spanish to each other, which is never a good sign when I'm there because usually that means they're like, and Jay, I'm gonna say his name. Jay very slowly and carefully said like the words to see about kissing a girl and laughing. And I just looked and I was like, see, sorry, question. Did you kiss a girl? Is that what we're talking about? Which he had. When someone is fluent in Spanish and they're speaking like, I cannot catch what they're saying. Like, this was said very slowly and deliberately in my presence. Now, luckily for, well, not luckily for Jay, luckily for me and C, I am a rational person and was like, I had specifically told you that we could not be official. But the fact that I'm this jealous about that makes it clear that I do like you and we should date. So we ended up dating, but like, you know, I, Jay was trying very hard to break it off, whatever it was. Um, not good friend behavior and definitely making the friendship weird. And after we had officially dated, Jay then starts being incredibly weird with me, ices me out, is weird when I'm around, won't speak to me, uh, won't, won't engage with me, like super passive aggressive, super nasty. And this person who was so like my really good friend, who I thought we were really close, all of a sudden has no interest in me, doesn't want to speak to me. And I'll never forget when I was at home and I got a little notification And it was a Venmo request. He had asked me for the money for the movie ticket. And I think maybe snacks. He Venmo requested that. Wow. I declined that. Yeah, that's I was like, I told you so many times not to do that. Uh, but yeah, that was how that friendship kind of ended. Wow. I mean, good. Like it ended, but oh man, you can't just say, well, I think it's funny though. And it's, it's a weird, I don't know if I keep saying the word weird, but, uh, and it's a normal thing that, uh, that people do, but you have your, like your cool things that you want, that you think are really impressive that you show. And I, like my cool thing was that I was a slam poet, but this is the best thing about it. It never worked. Like, I thought that was the coolest thing about me. Like in, in my, my, like, because in general, I was like, this is, this must be very impressive. I can go win poetry slams and I only brought Two, I brought one date to one and it was going really great. Mm-Hmm. Uh, and then we went to the date and I won the poetry slam. Oh. And I was like, this is gonna be, like, this is gonna be so impressive. And it was like that was what ended it. It was all well and good until the poetry slam very clearly. Like, this is kind of, this ist my thing, this is clearly important to you. She didn't say it, but it was so implied. I very, very, the implication was. I, that's a cool thing for you. This is not my, it was also, she was a very kind of, um, the poetry scene is a very, uh, I don't know how to put this, but a lot of us were broke there. And it was like, it was very much just like a lot of broke people hanging out with each other. Yeah. It was a lot of broke artists, a lot of, you know, hippie dippie kind of like, it's a one, I look, that's my favorite community to be a part of, but she was very, very, uh, like it's and she was like, it was very clear. She was very uncomfortable hanging out with the people there. And so like, I was probably good then that you figured it out. I never going to work it anyway. Versus when I, my, my wife, when we were dating, I took her to one to be on and she was totally. Also not impressed, but she liked the people and it was, I didn't understand. I was like, why is nobody impressed by my cool thing? This is my cool. You know what though? I think it's interesting because I think like. Like, I, I, in college, well, I, I'm a writer, I went to school for script writing, uh, and I wrote plays, and had to, like, some of them got put on, and my wife actually went to one of my shows, and she was so, like, amazing, dead on, that later, I can't remember if it was the same night or like the next day. She quoted my own play verbatim to me. And I was like, Oh, that's the most attractive thing I've ever heard. But, but she liked, she took interest in it because I was interested in it. I think that like. If you approach dating from the aspect of I have this cool thing that applies to all It like never never works versus like either i'm showcasing something I love and I want you to also enjoy that or like be a part of that Or, what do you like, and how, is there parts of me that work well with that? Cause this guy, like, I don't, I don't mean to slam punch you, cause I, I probably would think it was awesome, actually, but, Um, like, that, that, uh, car move he did to me, when I told other people about it, there was at least three other girls in the friend group who said he did that. Oh yeah, because that was his cool thing. He's probably good. Was he a good dancer? Not as good as the other guy, but he was all right. But did he believe he was a very good dancer? Oh my God. Can I tell you something? He had, um, uh, what's that guy's name from Jersey Shore? Pauly D. What's, who's the one who had the straight up hair? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't watch it, but I didn't either, but I know that's the hair. Yes, it definitely is Pauly D. Oh yeah. That straight up wall of hair. Yeah. Jay had that, uh, and he fancied himself a very cool guy, very cool guy. And he like, it was just so like one, the way he iced me out was so cold. Like, I mean, he didn't just ice me out. Like as soon as I reject, which I had already rejected him, he was just refusing to be rejected. As soon as I started dating his, like he actively tried you. The one time I was there, he was trying to break us up. He would try to break us up, our entire relationship. He talked a lot of shit on me as soon as we started dating. Um, he made it very awkward to hang out in groups. Like there was tangible things that he did to punish me because I wouldn't date him, even though I had been quite clear the entire time I had no interest in him. Right. And that's why I like stories like that just really pissed me off. Cause they're so unfair to women. They're so like, there is tangible punishments that happen for women. Cause they're like, well, why didn't you? Yeah. You let him on, like you get accused of leading people on, but then if you ever reject anyone, you have social punishments for that. You can lose friends. You can lose a friend group. Like, I mean, if I wasn't dating C at the time, like, he absolutely would have iced me out of that group. We just would have stopped hanging out. There's like a group of guys and girls. I probably just wouldn't have hung out with those guys anymore. I've never got along. Those, those guys that are like, I remember when I was younger. And I was trying to figure out how to date. I, I like would befriend the cool guys, like, like I, cause I, and it was me, uh, and this is me learning a lot about myself though, but I didn't understand how peopling worked. And so I was like, study these guys that look like they had a lot of success. And I was like, okay, what are they doing? And once again, this is what guys are, young guys are doing now and why they listen to these horrible people online. Cause they masquerade as these really confident, successful, um, people. But they, they were always like, I'm like, why does anybody, I'm like, man, I hate being around you. Why do women like this? Yeah. I mean, they, they they're because they're manipulating them. They're not seeing the side of the guy. See is never the side that the girls see once the girls are no longer viable as people to date. Then the girls see that side, like the side of him that I saw, because everyone was always like, you know, there was, there was hints at him being kind of sneaky and snakey, like But I had never, he never, but he was so sweet to me. He was always adoring and kind, except when he would make those little passive aggressive negging things, which I would just kind of be like, whatever, that was weird. Uh, but then, yeah, the second I didn't give him what he wanted, it was so manipulative. And like, it wasn't even that like, They weren't like the cool, like, well, Steve was kind of cool, but he was cool. Cause he, he didn't really, he was just cute. And like, didn't care. Naturally just so handsome. He was handsome. I think he was handsome, but he was really down to earth and funny. He actually really smooth. He'd probably had, he had good game, which normally I'm not attracted to, but I was like, Oh, He was smooth, but he wasn't like trying to get with girls all the time. He just was a naturally kind of smooth person. The thing is though, like I, cause I've, I've had conversations with the guys that like, where you have to be always be the, you have to be performing or you have to be a certain way of the, the, the second I started accepting that I wasn't good at doing that was when I had so much success when I was just, cause I am, I, this is me. I am awkward. And goofy and weird. And the second I just started like doing that and being me, I S I had so many, like I had so many options to date. I was just, I was whenever I wanted to date, I just like, was I already, this is who I am, I'm a weird fucking guy. And then here's, but I, but that's why I think I was trying to show, I was, was so embarrassed by that though. Uh, and, and I just, I constantly told myself that, Oh, I I'm the thing that they must be liking though, is that I'm a cool slam poet. And so that's why I always like that's, I was like, Oh, that's a, that's an objectively cool thing that makes up for the fact that I'm so awkward. And now like in hindsight, I can look back and I'm like, Oh no, the reason I was actually able to was because I wasn't like. being all weird. Yes. I would just start, I would go up to like, it was the, the running joke in college was that I would be making out with somebody at a party. Um, but the other night it was just like, that was just my thing. And there, and it was like the guys, and I was like, always like, I don't know. I don't know how this happened. It just kind of happened. Um, and it was, but it was because, and I would literally just start being fucking weird and like, not like in a weird, not in like an awkward, weird way, but like in my awkward, weird way. Yep, yep. And it would just, and it would just happen. Um, and it was like, they were like, people would try to gimme advice. I was like, well, you gotta be a slam You gotta find something cool about yourself. You have to be six five. It was. It literally, yeah, I've never did a click in my head that I happen to be a six foot five and was not trying to actively, like, yeah, manipulate. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's interesting cause like. I feel like I get along with people really well and like particularly with not men, but like when I would date men I I was always actively performing like I was always like even like I would wear heels and skirts and makeup and do always do my hair like straighten the shit I'm trying to get it curly now because I used to straighten the shit out of it all the time because I was like That's what it that's what men like I need to straighten it and like I I would do really well and like they just wouldn't pick up on or they didn't care maybe the performance They're like this performance is good. I'll take that This looks nice, but I never felt comfortable. I always felt like the guys I was dating like tolerated my actual personality Like just tolerated it in order to get this fake persona that I was really trying to be which like, you know You know, it's i've did that for a long time. I was very successful. That's why people didn't know I was gay So it's like yeah, I really get it this straight thing I'm, like but like all I feel like so much of me was this persona and it was so exhausting But I thought that that was normal. So I didn't I was like, oh god, it's exhausting being a woman um And then when I started dating Not men You know that non cis men. Um, I was so relaxed and I was like, oh, This is how it is like I can just because there was a very distinct switch between me dating someone and Trying to be what they want, you know Like trying to yeah, it was basically like gender norms like really trying to be what that what I was supposed to look like And how is it supposed to interact? Mm hmm And then just being myself, just being myself, like there was, there was very, a very distinct line for me and how it felt. Uh, even like being friends with someone and then dating them, I could feel that shift in how I'd perform. And then like when I was dating non cis men, I was like, Oh, I can actually date people as myself, just myself and like, not try and conform to what I think a woman needs to be to date them, you know, and. I was not so exhausted all the time, and I had so much more fun, and I found that like, the most charming parts about my personality, I think, are the things that I would try and hide before. 100. It is. So there's a reason we get along. I think that is, I have, I relate that. So, so I mentioned just a couple minutes ago, like how my wife didn't, wasn't impressed by my poetry. And I was like, wait, so you like me for the, for the uncool stuff, like for the stuff that I honestly, for the stuff that I hate about myself. Right. Right. That's something you. You actually like the thing that I have told myself that nobody will ever like, that nobody will find that I actively try to hide, uh, with, with this, this persona, with this person. That is a mind blowing moment when you real, when you come to that realization. And it's also, it's also depressing in some, in a lot of ways, because you're like, Oh, so I didn't, I spent so much time, you know, Sam, you were just saying crafting and working on this person that I thought I was supposed to be. Yeah. When in reality, I was also really bad at crafting that persona. Right. And the other reason I had success was because people were able to see who I actually was as a person and not if I actually was this person that I thought I was supposed to be, nobody would have wanted to date me because I was an asshole, you know, or that person I thought was cool. Yeah. This cool artist, like, you know, you can also be a goofy artist, right? You can be silly. Well, and that's even like my mental health stuff. Like that was something I always tried to, I was honest about it, but I always was horrified, like trying to keep it in check all the time and not like not ever let it impact anything. And like, if I was going through something, I would just like internally deal with it. And like, I never wanted to put it on someone I was dating, which like, you shouldn't put it on someone you're dating, but like. It's okay to be honest. And like, you know, normally a partner would want to help you in some way. And I'd be like, don't tell, just don't just die internally. It's fine. Uh, but I remember the first time, like I was talking to her and something happened and she was asking me a question about it and I was like, it's fine. I'm just anxious. It's not real. Don't, I don't want to even talk about it. Cause I know it's not real. And she was like, yeah, but it's real to you, right? And I was like, yes. She's like, so shouldn't we talk about it? Even if I don't need to take any of that on, even if it's not my fault and I'm not responsible for it, I still kind of would like to know about it. And I was like, well, that's like jaw. I was like, what do you mean? And I, it was like the mind blowing thing of like, oh, she genuinely cares. This isn't a shameful hide thing. This is Just a piece of myself that she is interested in and wants to understand and she's anxious too. So, and that's, that's such a beautiful example though, of like, you were not relying on your partner to be your therapist, right? There's a difference between Your partner genuinely caring about you and wanting to hear about you and learn about you and be with you, as opposed to the, what we've talked about before with men relying on women to be there, their therapy, you were already dealing with your things and finding help in the ways that you knew you needed. It just was happened that you found a person. That did not, uh, you did not need to hide those things from that was also willing to be a part of that with you. And I still have a therapist now and I can talk to her about my things, but there are things that I talked to my therapist about when I realized like, Oh, that's, you know, that's something that's for therapy. You know, that's something that maybe like, you know, if you're ruminating on something, cause sometimes there's just things that go through my head that she's can't help with, you know? Um, so sometimes you have both. But it was, it was just a beautiful thing to realize, like, there are people who will love you for all aspects of you, not despite certain aspects of you. And I think that was something that took me a long time to figure out. And like, the more authentically I am myself, the more she loves me. And, you know, You can't find your partner if you're not authentically yourself because you're not presenting the things for that person to match with. Then they're, then they're going to be a perfect partner for whatever fake thing you're putting forth. So the more authentic you can be, the more likely you are to get a really solid partner because then they actually know you and then they can, that's, they're attracted to the real parts of you versus this image you're projecting. And that could be a whole podcast episode, uh, to go into, cause there's, there's a lot of those things we're talking about. Like, uh, there was a video I responded to just a couple of days ago or yesterday, I guess. Um, when I posted it, the, uh, about this guy that was like, men are the most objectified people in our society. Uh, and what he was talking about by men. Yeah, I know. Well, but what he was talking about was, was not that men are being objectified was really was that he didn't like that men are being objectified anymore, that they're expected to be human, the person they're expected to offer more in a relationship other than simply the money and the, you know, to, to be that because really And that, that's what I go into the video. I'm not going to break down the whole thing right now, but the idea is the patriarchy of a sojournistic system turns men into objects and that's what they want because then they don't have to work anymore. They can just provide housing and money and food and they get their rewards, right? They don't have to grow as a person. Um, but what he's upset about is we'll now. If you want it, but then when that's all you have to offer, if somebody has more housing, more of money and more, whatever, you know, more resources, then obviously they can leave you for the better person. But if you're expected to actually offer, be a person and be loving and to be emotionally aware and all those other things, all of a sudden now you actually have to put effort in outside of simply, you know, I feel like it's that they're, you know, they want to just be like emotional in one direction. They just want to, because you know, they're not like, women are literal. They're seen as literal objects. Like you don't have wants, needs, and desires. You do what I want, when I want, because I am giving you something like they are the owners, right? I like, you are my possession. And you know, I will do the things that it takes. to literally provide for said object. You know what I mean? Uh, but the second anything reciprocal is expected, they're like, Oh, hell no. I'm not doing that. Like I want you to process my emotions. I'm not processing yours. It's, it's so interesting because they do, they do expect that of their wife. They expect a wife to, to even if it, here's what they don't get. I think like Even in the one where we talked about last week, the five things or whatever. One of the things was be quiet because the man wants the be quiet for his mood. He wants, that is his emotional thing he wants. He wants this little cocoon so he doesn't have to deal with anything because his emotions are so close to the surface. That he doesn't want to deal with said emotions, but he doesn't want them, he doesn't want them to mess with you, he doesn't want to be upset, quote unquote, right? You're still asking them to provide a service for you, you, they, you still want them to cuddle you and hold you, you little baby, uh, but it's not reciprocal, and that's the difference, it's like, when women are simply asking for a reciprocal relationship, they're like, Gov! What? I'm not doing that. I don't want to do that. It comes full circle to what we were talking about. You do those things naturally when you actually like the person. Facts. You, if you actually like the person you're with, but if they don't want to do it, it's because they don't, they're only with you because they, they don't, because they don't like you because they don't want to be, it's a completely transactional thing. And, uh, and, and it's where you're like, They're keeping track of everything. Why shouldn't I do that? I shouldn't have to do that, right? And there's lots of people that do that, I think, across the gender spectrum. But yeah, but it's, it's, it's just especially noticeable. I feel like in this room, because of the fact that they, that so many men so clearly despise the people that they're with that so clearly, if they did not want to have sex with them, would not ever spend time with them. I mean, that's where all of these problems jump out of from. I mean, literally how many times a day I see women talking to other women be like, they hate us. Those guys that treat you like shit, it's'cause they hate you. Not all, not all men hate women. The good ones do not. Um, but yeah, it's, it's such a weird like societally accepted thing and I think we're just getting to the point where society and women as a whole are. We don't want to date you if you hate us. If you openly hate, openly! I know it's a lot to ask. I just ask that my partner doesn't openly despise me as a human being. I know it's weird. Talk shit on me every single day to the boys. Call me the old, old ball and chain. Think you should have access to my body 24 7. Think I should be his servant, essentially. Feminism has ruined women. They want us not to hate them. That's crazy. Yeah. Oh, shit. Chesco, that's, that's, that's all we've got, I think. That's a good, yeah, I think that's a good place to call it a day. Well, friends, thank you so much for listening to this episode. As you know, we have, uh, YouTube that we post the video. So if you want to see our faces and our, I think our facial expressions are pretty good. That one right there. Yeah, yeah, that sounds good to go. It's going to go on the screen for the don't you dare make that the thumbnail. Don't, don't. Alright. We also have, what all do we have, Chesco? Uh, it's, it's uh, there's stuff. Thanks, thanks for that input. We got Instagram. Yep. We should probably make a TikTok and a, and a Facebook or something like that, but. We'll get to it. That's a lot. But we have a Patreon, where we have, we do a pre show on there, which is always a good time. It's supposed to be 20 minutes. That's it. It's not. It almost always goes longer. And we also, if you want to learn about stuff that probably neither of us will ever share in social media consistently, for some reason, we feel comfortable talking about some really personal things behind a paywall. So, um, so a couple episodes ago, we talked about doing like a giveaway. If you leave us a 5 star review, what we realized is That if you reviewed us on certain platforms, it does not tell us who reviewed us. You have to leave, actually, like a written review. Like, I think Apple Podcasts, you can leave a written review. But like, on a Spotify, for example, it does not tell us who left a review. So, if you have left us a review, send, like, screenshot it or something, I don't know, and email us at the mrpickme And what is it, Mr. The Man hater@gmail.com? Mr. Pick me and the man hater@gmail.com. Let us know. Make short email address that. I'm sure nobody will miss Well put it below. We'll help you. Well in the show it'll be in the show notes. Yeah, it'll be in the show notes. Uh, send us, if you like, can screenshot it and send it to us. Also, if you haven't left us a review, please, if you don't mind, leave us a five star review. It's very helpful to us and it will put you in the raffle. And then, I don't know, in a week or two, we'll give you guys a little time. We will take all the reviews that we have and we will select a winner. I like it. Because I realized that later, I was like, Oh God, there's probably a lot of Spotify's that I can't access, but that's what we'll do. I just forgot. Cause I say lots of things on a whim and then forget they exist. So I'm happy. We have a capable and responsible podcast host partner, because it would be like three years from now and somebody be like, did you ever pick up who won that contest? Yeah. No one. It was me! I won! Yay! Yay! No. That's because, listeners, I love you more. We can talk all day, Chesco, but actions speak louder than words. You know what? I don't have to prove how much I love our listeners. They just see it in my words and in my heart. They see it in your heart? They, yeah, I said what I said. Mm hmm. So when you lie to them about boom raffles, I didn't that was no lie It was a forgetfulness and I feel like you're judging me for my disability Then same bro say yeah, we both have in spades bye