Navigating LA Dating & Personal Trainer Relationship Advice

Ever wondered how a personal trainer navigates the dating world, especially under the bright lights of Los Angeles? Buckle up for some hilarious and heartfelt advice in this episode of the Show Up Fitness Podcast. We share side-splitting stories and practical tips from our Qualified Personal Trainers Community Facebook group. Whether you're looking for a good laugh or some dating wisdom tailored just for trainers, we’ve got you covered. We also highlight our exciting upcoming events and professional development opportunities, ensuring you leave with both a smile and some valuable insights.

Picture this: Moving to Santa Monica in your 30s and diving headfirst into the wild world of LA dating. From decoding local dating lingo to recounting a bizarre casting experience on Matchmaker Millionaire, this episode unpacks the cultural quirks and challenges unique to the City of Angels. We emphasize the beauty of organic connections and shared interests over superficial dating apps, sprinkling in humor and heartfelt advice to guide you through LA's intricate dating landscape.

Ever had to deal with unwanted advances from clients at the gym? Our discussion today tackles the tricky subject of maintaining professional boundaries as a personal trainer, especially for women. We share real-life anecdotes and strategies for handling these situations with grace and professionalism. We also delve into the importance of building a strong personal training brand, combining business savvy with people skills to stand out in the fitness world. This episode is a blend of humor, practical advice, and professional wisdom, making it a must-listen for trainers at any career stage.

Want to ask us a question? Email email info@showupfitness.com with the subject line PODCAST QUESTION to get your question answered live on the show!

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to the Show Up Fitness Podcast, where great personal trainers are made. We are changing the fitness industry, one qualified trainer at a time, with our in-person and online personal training certification. If you want to become an elite personal trainer, head on over to showupfitnesscom. Also, make sure to check out my book how to Become a Successful Personal Trainer. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review. Have a great day and keep showing up. Howdy y'all. Welcome back to the Show Up Fitness Podcast.

Speaker 1: 0:32

Today we're going to be talking about dating Relationship advice. Yes, I am that good. The belt buckle trainer pretty much is certified and licensed as a clinical psychologist. Since my dad's a shrink, I get that same designation, kind of like USAA. It's passed down the family. I'm joking. I'm joking, but, as you know, as trainers we give a lot of dating advice, so we're going to talk about that. People were submitting questions inside of the Facebook group qualified personal trainers community. Make sure to join that. I'm not going to answer them all. We're going to kind of keep it PC, within reason. I'll tell you some of my weird dating stories. I'm not going to tell you about the butter churner sex position that someone asked that one. Maybe we'll get into that stuff later on. But today is about relationship advice, so don't think you're going to get a lot of fitness stuff in here. So skip this episode if you don't want to hear about relationship advice and come back for the next one when we get into chest anatomy, because we will be starting up our two-month internship on Monday, which brings me into our largest sale of the year.

Speaker 1: 1:37

We do two. Typically they're around the holidays and then around the belt buckle trainer's birthday I'm not going to tell you when it is, I'll give you a hint and then around the belt, buckle trainer's birthday Not gonna tell you when it is, I'll give you a hint. Tupac and I not only can we flow, because you don't even know, because my name is Hitchco yeah, we have that in common but also the same birthday 40-something I forgot. But we're gonna be giving half off to the in-person two-month internship where you're going to come to San Diego or Santa Monica and get your CPT, and half off for the weekend seminars. With our relationship with Lifetime, they want qualified trainers. So every month we're going to be going to a Lifetime. The next two on the map are going to be July 27th and 28th, river North in Chicago, and then August 30th and 31st, which will be our first Friday Saturday seminar, friday 9 to 2, saturday 10 to 4, and that's at the Dallas Mansfield Lifetime. We are working on Toronto, orange County, nashville, new York City, boston, north Carolina, denver, phoenix, miami. There's 170 lifetime gyms. We want to get through them all. We love working with trainers, educating, networking, build better trainers, and that's exactly what we're doing. We are working on releasing our level two, really excited to partner with physical therapists. Get your 100 hours of shadowing so then you can test with soft tissue mobilizations. Holy moly, we got a lot of stuff coming to you.

Speaker 1: 3:04

This is the best deal of the year. Half off in person it's $12.49. Half off the seminars. We have two more days for that sale. The seminar you can use for 12 months. Same with the in-person.

Speaker 1: 3:17

So if you bought it today or tomorrow, when you're listening to this, you could go to a seminar in March, april, may of next year and it would still be valid. The pricing is going to go up. That's the beauty of the market supply and demand. I guarantee you. When you first started training you were charging significantly less say 50 bucks but you want to be charging more. If you would have started charging more, you wouldn't have got that experience. We've been doing this for a long time. This is our third year doing the seminar. The prices are going to increase. You could go to a John Russen seminar and those are over a thousand dollars. There's some that I mentioned on the prior podcast, the DBC. That's over $2,000. Right now, $500 with monthly payment plans. That's seriously fucking nuts. We're gonna bump those up significantly, gonna bump those numbers up. And that's just part of allowing our business to grow. We gotta pay the instructors, we gotta pay marketing and build the operations.

Speaker 1: 4:16

As we continue to go through our SWIFT, I'm thinking of creative ways to generate more revenue. That's what you do as an entrepreneur. Our goal is to be known as the best certification in fitness. Right now people will tell you it's NASM, ace, issa and that's a level zero certification. You need to level up to become qualified. That's what we're providing with the Shelf Fitness CPT.

Speaker 1: 4:39

You need money to get in front of people. I was talking to a client today going over legalities on new LLCs and corporate structuring. It costs thousands of dollars to make sure you are protected as you grow and get more entities. You need money to make that happen. So if you want to show up to a seminar, we are now offering a VIP package where you're going to get dinner, two workouts, you'll get trained by an instructor. If you want to get trained by me, you can. That package is going to be $1,000, moving forward With the discount. Right now it would only be 500 bucks the normal price of a seminar.

Speaker 1: 5:15

We're excited about this partnership, the growth but, more importantly, helping you as the trainer. I want to thank you. I'm proud of everyone for the support. Get into the Facebook group Qualified Personal Trainers Community. Let people know where you're going to be going or where you'd like to go. If you reach out to someone at Lifetime, I will talk to them and we will get in there. Our goal is to continue to get out there. Hands-on learning is what we need.

Speaker 1: 5:43

But today we're going to be talking about dating and before we get into that, I'm going to talk a little bit about myself. I love doing that, right, but did you know the story? It's a sad, tragic story on why I moved to Santa Monica. So the girl I was dating at the time moved to Santa Monica because she had family here. There were opportunities for me to start teaching at MPTI, I was in the Bay Area. We still kept my non-physical location up there, which we began in 2014.

Speaker 1: 6:10

So we came down here. My truck was packed up. My first truck was a black Toyota Tacoma king-size bed. In the back it was stocked to the brim. I pull up flowers there ready to go, and she's bawling hysterically. I'm like, oh how cute, she's so excited to come here. And then she says I can't go and talk about a just heartbreak city right there. I had to show up though, called my brothers and they said Chris, don't be a wimp. You said you're going to do it. You committed. You got to make the change. So I came down here to Santa Monica heartbroken and got to experience the monster of LA dating.

Speaker 1: 6:44

I was in my 30s, learned all the terminology. You don't date west of the 405. If you want to meet chicks, you go to the bungalow for the bungahos. You are a fuckboy. If you do this, chad is a fuckboy. You learn all this weird, unique vocabulary. And it's even worse today.

Speaker 1: 7:02

Technology was prime with all the apps. You have your Tinder, you have Hinged and Bumble, but I never got into that stuff. I would just go to the bars, meet people, chat it up. I'm a big believer in social interaction, not technological interaction. We'll address that in some of these questions, but I was at the bungalow trying to find some of these girls that they were talking about, and I met someone who was a casting director for Matchmaker Millionaire.

Speaker 1: 7:28

She's like I think you would be a great candidate. Fill out this information, submitted it, and I got accepted to be on the show, not as the millionaire, but one of the people going for the girl. I think it was like episode 10 or 11 in season eight with Brooklyn Tankard. She was from Tennessee vodka maker of some sort. They don't tell you anything about this, though. So if you look at that season, I was originally casted.

Speaker 1: 7:52

When I met in the audition room, they're like would you be okay with being a secondary figure, meaning that your wife is going to be or the girl's going to be the main star? You're just going to support her. I'm like, of course, do you like blonde girls? Yes, they're asking you all these just random questions, and you just got to say yes to everything if you want to get on the show. So when we finally got accepted it starts at 9 am they start feeding you alcohol right away. So you're getting all buzzed up. They separate you into groups Patty Singler, I think that's her name. She was the main star of the show and she's drilling us to see if we'd be a good match and ultimately I was accepted into the top 15.

Speaker 1: 8:29

I had this ploy. I was going to be the country boy. I talked to this other guy next to me. His name is Matt. He's a badass. He's like howdy, how's it going? I'm like motherfucker. He was like 6'5" good looking dude, jacked up, lineman for Alabama, had the accent everything for Alabama, had the accent everything. So I was screwed.

Speaker 1: 8:49

They rank you from one to 15. I think I was the third one and the Brooklyn girl. She was tough, she was hammering everyone. So I was like, ah shit, she's going to destroy me. And when it came my turn, they ranked us from one to 15, one being the least likely, 15 being the most likely. So there's a good chance. We weren't going to align. The second person's getting drilled. I'm like, ah shit. So I'm running around backstage trying to find more wine, because before you have like cheers and they say two drinks is the max that will do and monogamy before whatever. They have these little rules that they say so I'm trying to find more drink to calm my nerves because I think she's just going to destroy me.

Speaker 1: 9:18

I get up there out of the blue, patty's like Chris, give me a compliment. I'm like, oh, wasn't ready for that at all. I look at Patty and I'm like you have pretty hair. She's like, oh, you're a nice little country boy. And the Brooklyn girl was actually pretty nice. She was just. You know, we weren't really aligned on our stuff. And she's like you know, I mean, the main reason why I won't choose you is because your neck's too big. I'm like, yeah, I love that Best compliment I could ever have. There's a glimpse of me in my green shirt. I had my blue jacket on, but that was fun, entertaining.

Speaker 1: 9:51

But we get a lot of questions from clients. We're training them, having a great workout, their hormones are flowing and they start talking about dating. I had a client who went on 10 dates in a week. I'm like what the hell is going on? And ultimately we're trying to find someone who we're compatible with and that's challenging. We settle a lot because of societal norms, maybe their family norms, because of physiological aspects that are going on. So there's a lot of stuff that goes into these conversations. And when my client asks about well, why did this guy dump me, or should I text him back, what do I do in this scenario? This happens all of the time. So when it comes to dating, my advice to my clients is pretty much the same Try to find someone organically. Compare it to getting clients.

Speaker 1: 10:36

If you are trying to work with a high-end client base, you got to go to high-end spots. If you want to work with small group training, you got to go to places where there's going to be that type of clientele. If you like sports, go to games, go to venues, watch them, enjoy, bring groups together. If you like playing sports outside volleyball, rollerblading, working out hikes you got to get involved in those meetups. I'm not a big believer in the apps. They work for some. I have some buddies that got married on there to each their own, but typically that is where you're going to find your fuck boys. People are going to be on there just looking for quick hookups. You're probably not going to have an amazing story meeting someone on an app versus at a country, concert or whatever venue where you're hanging out with people you like being around. So get out of your comfort zone and get out there. But, with that being said, you have to be smart.

Speaker 1: 11:25

Unfortunately, today, guys are really fucking creepy. I was at the Fig. That's my bar, I like to go. I know all the bartenders and this was like 2016, 17. You can type it into the Google machine Santa Monica, fig date rape. And there's this scene where these three girls they're hands up like Charlie's Angels because they saw a guy put something into a drink and the girl went to the bathroom. So one of the girls went into the bathroom and said hey, that guy just put something in your drink. Did you just meet him? Is this the first date? And what's going on? She's like holy shit. I've known this guy for years. So always be careful and you know, if you need to get some of those nail things they have today or you can dip it in your drink to make sure there's nothing in there, let your friends know. Do your location drops? So if you do go on a first date, you are getting checked up on. Guys are fucking creepy. You don't hear about the Christine Dommers or the Christine Mansons. It's always dudes. So make sure to cover all your bases and be super protective. Cautiously optimistic is what I would like to say.

Speaker 1: 12:28

I spend a lot of sessions helping clients conduct proper text messages where you're not coming off too needy or too aggressive. There's even rules that people will say you shouldn't text within 20 minutes first time. Blah, blah, blah. You shouldn't respond back that first night. Just go with your gut and if you ask 10 people, you're going to get 10 different answers. You're going to get the belt buckles way of doing things and you're going to get your coworkers. It is good to get the other sex's opinion, because our minds are very toxic in the sense you want to get after it, you want to text them and let them know you had a great time, and it can just come off as needy. I think the best thing you can do is put on that veil of ignorance. So try to get some unfiltered advice so that you aren't coming off too needy.

Speaker 1: 13:15

No one likes a passive, needy individual and, with that being said, for those that don't live in Southern California, one of the questions I love to ask at seminars what are your perceptions on? Californians Always have unique stereotypes, but LA is a weird monster. The dudes like to wear loafers. The girls are very high maintenance. They like the status. These are stereotypes that you're going to come across. Guys probably can't even bench 135. Their T levels are probably close to 200. You don't get a lot of the manly guys that you would find in the country. You get effeminate, passive, justin Bieber-looking dudes. That's what you get with this area. Guys are super pretty, girls are super pretty. You go to the gyms, people are wearing makeup, everyone is trying to impress one another.

Speaker 1: 14:02

So here's a thought how about you focus on growing yourself, helping other people? Where do you want to be five years from now? Your goal shouldn't be to get married. It should be to do A, b and C within yourself. Self-improvement is going to get you a lot further ahead than trying to find a partner, and your clients don't like hearing that, though. They're going to want specifics on.

Speaker 1: 14:23

Does this guy like me? He brought me a shirt today. Should I text him back? He touched my leg. Is that good? Is it bad? Shut up, do another set. That's usually what I tell my clients because I have a good banter with them. It's all about those people skills, right, but we know as a trainer, we get into the relationship device.

Speaker 1: 14:39

So, with that being said, should you date your clients. What are your thoughts on that? They tell you to keep it in your pants. That's a tough one, though. What if you meet someone you're really attracted to them? I'm a believer in it, depends. What's the scenario? I know trainers that married clients, so if you were to come up with some concrete saying, never, ever date clients you just have to be smart. This guy had a client who he was compatible with maybe not initially attracted to her, but he went to a work party. They clicked there had some feelings for her, so he let her know. In the next session, I want to pursue this. So this is not going to work as a trainer-client relationship. Moving forward, I want to bet on this, so I respect that.

Speaker 1: 15:28

Take this the wrong way. You start hooking up with all your clients. You're going to get a bad rep. When I opened up Santa Monica 2014, there was a cycle gym in the area and we would have booty classes and it was all full of girls, and the girls would come in and talk about this gym. Oh, this guy's hooking up with this girl. He's hooking up with this girl. Oh, and one of the classes, two girls that didn't know they're both sleeping with the instructor, they started getting into a fight. Well, guess what? That doesn't look good on Yelp or Google reviews. Guess where that gym is today, 2024? It's not here.

Speaker 1: 15:59

When it comes to your business, you are always on stage, so just go through worst case scenario, best case scenario. If you truly believe this could be your soulmate and you want to gamble on it, give it a shot. But don't fuck up and be screwing around with three other girls, because it's going to give them all a bad taste and they're going to get a knife and they're going to boil your bunnies and we don't want to have any bunnies boiled. It's a lot different for guys and girls, though I really do feel for girls, because guys are dipshits and they're a lot more aggressive, a lot more sexual in their conversations. I was having a conversation with Megan about this, because at an Equinox that she was training at, a lot of the members would be just very upfront talking about sexual stuff being inappropriate.

Speaker 1: 16:46

And here's the difficult thing is, you may want that client because you need business, so in the beginning you kind of brush it off, but then they sign up for a 24 pack and now you're stuck with them for months and then it just continues to get worse and worse and worse, and guys are dipshits. So if you smile at a guy hey, how's your workout going? He's then thinking, oh my God, this trainer likes me, but you're just trying to help him because he has shitty form and you don't want to go up there and say you have shitty form, bro. So just by having a conversation, he now thinks you're attracted to him. I feel for you, ladies, you hunkettes. The best thing you can do just continue to get stronger, be awesome like you are and try to be patient with all these dipshits that are out there, because you are trying to help people move better. And then you have this huge fork in the middle because guys are hitting on you and doing weird shit. So I apologize on behalf of all the dipshit guys. And this is just referencing lady trainers. If you are a girl and you go to the gym, it's a whole nother monster. So if you don't want guys to mansplain shit, I'd highly encourage you to get into the level one.

Speaker 1: 17:50

Bump up your knowledge with anatomy. So anytime a guy tries to give you a form correction, just ask for that muscle group. If you're doing squats, ask him the four names of the quadriceps and he's not going to know and say, kindly fuck off, sir, because you don't know your basic anatomy. So why would you be telling me advice on the complexities of movement when it comes to presses or pushes? Know your rotator cuff muscles, supraspinatus, infraspinatus, teres minor subscapularis? Ask them if they know the name of those muscles. If they don't, go stick a cactus up your ass, buddy, because you don't know anatomy and I do. It's unfortunate, but that's the type of stuff you're going to see Now.

Speaker 1: 18:29

The gym environment is, for the most part, positive. You're going there to get away from all the crazy shit the bars and stuff so I give you credit. But you will still experience a lot of the crazy stories within gyms, especially if you work at one. That is how I originally blackmailed my boss back in the day because I had my ACSM and degree in kinesiology. I was training at a gym. She came in as the new boss and said everyone needs to get NASM Conspiracy theory alert. Why the hell do we have to get this bullshit certification? I've never heard of Bouncing on BOSU balls, doing weird things to foam rollers and stuff, so I would just kind of duck and dodge her and then, like three months later, I got written up and she said you have one month to perform and hit these numbers. Because I was also working at Bank of America, I just wanted to keep that gym membership.

Speaker 1: 19:12

The time came I was getting like two sessions a week. She was going to fire me because I didn't get my NASM and she said you are now terminated. I slapped my hands on the desk and said I don't think so. I know you've been fucking this trainer. You're married, you have two kids. It's not going to happen. Have a great rest of the day. And I walked out. Every time she saw me from there and out she would duck and hide from me. But that is why you should keep it in your pants. Stuff flows around in the gym. I'm not talking about weird STDs, I'm talking about drama. It's out there. Stay out of it. Focus on helping your clients and you will be fine. But what if a client comes on to you? How do you handle that situation?

Speaker 1: 19:50

Here in Santa Monica I was training a client. She was a psychologist, super, super smart and she would ask me great questions during the workouts. And then it started getting kind of weird. Like after six months or so she would start canceling sessions and be like we're not going to train today, you're going to meet me at the bar and we're going to get a drink. She knew my weak point. She was really, really smart, maybe conniving, maybe crazy, but I didn't go because I knew that she wanted more from that. I have gone out with clients, happy hours, given them dinners and so forth because there was no sexual chemistry. But once you start gaining that feeling that maybe they start liking you, you gotta pull back. Maybe you need to ghost your clients, maybe you need to fire them.

Speaker 1: 20:33

And I knew with this client. She started getting kind of weird because she sent me like a selfie legs are burning after today's workout and she was like in a teddy. You know those like little nightgown outfits. I was like, oh God, I just gave her a thumbs up and I told my trainers about it. I brought them into the room. I'm like this is when you have to draw the line. That was inappropriate. I don't want her to catch any feelings or be misled, so I'm going to fire her today and I gave myself this huge pep talk and they were all fired up. Yeah, of course she's going to fire. We're going to see what it's like. This is so cool. And guess what? She showed up with this giant, fucking rustic longhorn because she knew I liked Texas. And I'm like, motherfucker, she is one smart SOB. So I'm like, guys, we're gonna do this next week. I took it. I'm like, yeah, this is badass, thank you very much. And then I fired a couple of weeks later. I wanted that Longhorn. It was badass. There was lights in it. It looks so good in my room. I still have it today.

Speaker 1: 21:25

But you have to use your best judgment. Just think of worst case scenario If stuff gets out there, of what you're doing with technology and reviews today. It takes years to build your Roman empire. It just takes one little screw up and you're going to be ruined. Hopefully you all enjoyed today's podcast.

Speaker 1: 21:45

I kept it short and sweet, just wanted to put it out there to see what the take was.

Speaker 1: 21:50

We're not going to be making a dating training show, or maybe will we. But I just want to answer questions that you have and they're not always about fitness or sleep or undulating periodization. You're going to have that other block of being a personal trainer. We have the trade tactical skills, we have the business skills, and then there's those people, skills, and it's very likely you're going to encounter some of these unique scenarios or questions from clients. So bring those questions out, if you like today's podcast. More than happy to do this once or twice a month as we look at our SWIFT. What can we do to get more exposure? And if it's just esoteric vernacular around fitness, it can be boring. We want to get in front of more people so they understand. Shelf Fitness has the best certification in the world and that begins with you. Get into your story, share it, tag us, let us know we can help and remember big biceps are better than small ones, and keep showing up.