#26: The Art of Embracing Change: Preserving Our Past in Evolving Traditions

Have you ever felt hesitant to embrace holiday traditions?

Well, you're not alone, my friends, and this episode of Preserve Your Past is all about understanding, navigating, and even reveling in the shifting and adjusting of holiday traditions. We explore how life's inevitable changes, including loss and major transitions, can affect our approach to holidays. We discuss the power of journaling and meditating as tools to uncover what lies beneath these feelings, encouraging you to introspect and find your own path to creating new traditions irrespective of circumstances.

We extend our conversation beyond the holiday season and into the realm of preserving our past through personal stories. We believe in the power of narratives and the role they play in connecting us to our past, and in this episode, I share anecdotal snippets from my own family's evolving traditions. We wrap up with a heartfelt expression of gratitude to our dedicated listeners and an invitation to continue cherishing and creating memories, despite the ebb and flow of traditions. So, come along, and join the discussion.

Join the free "Preserve Your Past, Share Your Stories" Facebook group where we are writing about holiday traditions this month!  Let me walk you through the story writing process from beginning to end! https://www.facebook.com/groups/652790609119191/

Last week's related episode :
#25: Shared Stories, Unique Perspectives: A Holiday Trip Down Memory Lane with Allison & Todd

This group is for people who are in the process of writing their own personal stories to preserve their past for their future. It’s a place to come for story writing inspiration, weekly writing-related events and memes, and continued support from me and the other members.

Join like-minded people and get your stories down on paper for your future generations!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to the Preserve your Past podcast, where we'll explore all things related to the creative process of writing your stories for future generations. I'm your host, melissa Ann Kitchum, author, teacher, speaker and coach. I believe that your personal history is a priceless gift for family, friends and generations to come, whether you consider yourself a writer or not. We are discussing the topics that help you with every step of the process, like how to mine for the juiciest story ideas or how to refine them into polished final drafts you'll be proud to share. Let's face it sure, your stories can be overwhelming, but I've got you covered. We all have a lifetime of memories to share, so why not save yours to pass along? Let me help you leave your lasting legacy. Welcome everybody to the Preserve your Past podcast. Can I tell you something that I was afraid to admit this week? This year I've been really reluctant to get out the holiday decor and I actually have decided that I'm probably not going to put up my big Christmas tree, and I really couldn't put my finger on the reason. It isn't that I'm really dreading Christmas. We didn't have a big loss, so I'm not really sad or worried about it, but more feeling like there's some kind of anticipation or excitement that's missing. So this weekend I took to my quiet time and my journal and some meditation, and I really tried to explore my feelings. I asked myself why I might be feeling this way and then went deeper with my usual questions to myself and why is that? And then again, and why is that? What's happening now that might be causing these feelings? And once I let my feelings flow honestly, I realized that for me, there were a few things going on this year that were adding to how I was feeling. In this episode I'm going to share about those reasons because, while we were writing about traditions in my Preserve your Past Share your Stories Facebook group, this month that's our theme I am acknowledging that traditions around the holidays can bring up a lot of feelings and there may be times when some of those traditions have to change. So if your holidays are going to be different in some way this year, then this episode is for you, my friend. So maybe you've lost someone, or maybe you've moved, had a big life change or, like me, somebody you love is far, far away, then this post and podcast is for you. Today we're going to look at how we can bridge the past and the present with our family traditions. We all have memories and traditions that are sensitive and it's always hard when those traditions need to shift or change, and I've had to do this several times in my life. I'm actually going to share a few in this episode in a little bit. But that doesn't mean it's ever easy. But it also doesn't mean that new traditions can't be special as we bridge that transition of the old and the new.

Speaker 1: 3:40

For me this year, once I looked at what was going on, I realized that my reluctance for decorating was twofold. First, this year I feel like I'm in some kind of groundhog day version of home repair, and when I say this year, it's not even really this year. My kitchen has been redone twice since I've lived in this house. My downstairs bathroom has been redone three times. My son's bedroom upstairs has been in disarray from three different pipes, issues, leaks, and so this idea of groundhog day, of Reconstructing and then putting things back together neatly, is a real thing for me. Last year we had work done upstairs due to a leak and I worked really hard getting both of the bedrooms ready for my aunt and my son, who was out of state. He comes home from the Air Force and so I wanted them to have their own spaces and I wanted to get that cleaned up after some of that work was done. And it was a lot of work and I was up there for a whole like long weekend just pushing through, pushing through, pushing through, trying to get ready and I remember thinking, boy, this is a lot of work, but it's going to feel so great to have this done and I'll have a craft space and I'll have cozy place for company. And I was so excited that everyone was going to be coming and because he from the holidays and enjoy a wonderful visit. And they were and it was beautiful and everyone was cozy.

Speaker 1: 5:19

But right after the holidays I had a serious fall in January and had to have my elbow reconstructed. Things were fractured and broken and my tricep detached, and all this happened Right after the new year and while my husband was in the busiest part of his business. So I remember after Christmas not yet even having the surgery trying to take down the ornaments and the tree, because it was a live tree and I didn't want to burn down and I didn't need all that, you know, dumping Needles in the house. So I was taken down the ornaments one by one with my hand. Trying to move was excruciating, and I just remember tossing everything into boxes and bags. That mark had to then Pretty much throw them down in the basement because he was barely home. Things weren't sealed up and their usual rubber made containers and bags, and so Because they were kind of all free and open, I could see this year when I went down to kind of pull some things up that mice had gotten into a few of the bags and things just felt kind of basementy, gross and Kind of just dusty and yucky. So I think that's when it kind of started was I don't even want to have to go through all this and what do I want to put up here and I'm just gonna have to take it down again.

Speaker 1: 6:42

And Between that fall and that leak, you know those bedrooms were torn up. And guess what happened again this year we had another leak in our Downstairs bathroom. Well, actually it started in the upstairs, ended up in the downstairs and they had to get to the closet of my son's bedroom. So that same bedroom that I fixed up last year got torn apart again this year. And there's the groundhog day feeling of just like knowing that I need to Create another, like take the time and space to be able to go up and clean and make that room cozy for everyone. So that was kind of the one issue that's going on.

Speaker 1: 7:28

Then, secondly, I know this is was part of my reality, but I didn't realize how it was popping up for me. But this year my Air Force boy who came home with his great hand last year for Christmas is not going to be home for the holidays because he stationed overseas for two years and while my mom heart is so happy that he's loving his overseas adventure and he's doing really well and we all keep in touch regularly, this year will be different and I shared a post on Facebook and Instagram with pics of my two boys in front of the tree. For all 24 years that my youngest has been born, we've had pictures in front of the tree of the two of them. One of our traditions was the boys coming home even as they got older and putting their school ornaments that they made. You know, the macaroni ornaments are the ones with their school pictures, the little wreaths and things. They'd go through, organize those and put those on the tree. I'd make them pose in their Christmas Eve jammies and we never knew what was going to happen, because their humor and belly laughs would just fill the house and then put them in the tree and some of them didn't even make the cut to Facebook because they were so hilarious and not quite appropriate.

Speaker 1: 8:45

But what we'll do today is we'll focus on one of you next week's Israel winter, that's knowing that we won't have that time in front of the tree together is a little bit of a downer and it makes me realize like for 24 years, this is something that we did and we won't be able to do it. So I started realizing that I needed to look at it differently. I needed to shift. We didn't have to ditch the routine, but there needed to be a way that this tradition was able to be done in a different way. So I promise you we will be making every effort to reenact some sort of in front of the tree photo and we will all get together, virtually thanks to amazing technology. But I realize now that what feels different Is the space and that for 24 years we did that and I wasn't even realize I was gonna miss that so much. And it also explains why it was about the tree and the ornaments and the decor. So, even though the shift was not due to a big loss and it's not a permanent change, I know there are ways that I could carry it on with just a bit of an adjustment. So today I'm gonna share with you just a few times when my past and present traditions needed to be shifted a little, and then we're gonna talk about how Some questions that on how you could shift and adjust a tradition that might be changing, or Whether it's a life change or loss for you. So we'll go through some questions and some guidance for you to think about how you can shift what that tradition was in the past and maybe tweak it to be a more modern.

Speaker 1: 10:44

Okay, so let's talk about three short stories of times that I had to bridge my past and present traditions. The first one that came to mind right away was the first Christmas after my mom passed away, and I can imagine for my father that it was very hard to be able to plan a regular Christmas. Now, remember I was in high school, but my sister was five years younger than me, so I was a senior. She would have been in middle school. My brother was between us and so we were all home. So we were all home for that Christmas. That would have been the Christmas of my first freshman year college, but it was definitely a very different feeling and it brought to my attention, as I look back, how different Christmas was without my mom.

Speaker 1: 13:38

And for those of you who want a little taste of Christmas for the Sheeman family, I recently did a podcast the last podcast actually is on perspective and a walk down memory lane with my brother and sister and we share one of our Christmas traditions and part of the reason why we realized this tradition existed of my dad taking us Christmas shopping was so that my mom could be Santa Claus, so my mom could prepare all the things that needed to get prepared. So I think, looking back at that first Christmas after my mom passed, that it must have been hard for my dad knowing that Santa was not there, because I'm Fairly certain that most of the effort and time that went into getting all of those things was her. Although I do remember my dad going out really last minute and doing a bunch of different Shopping and probably and I know, like some of the big gifts we got that he would would been really excited about I know we're probably things he had thought of. So he was not an absent dad, but I do know that he was very busy working two jobs and my mom often was the one kind of pulling it all together. And so the year that after she passed, he decided for Christmas that we would all go away on a ski trip. And it was an amazing vacation and we had beautiful weather and really enjoyed ourselves. And I think for him the importance of starting that tradition was to give us a new Environment with a whole different way of looking at the day, a different schedule. I mean we weren't at home. So even where we woke up, where we slept, what we were doing, the fresh air and everything, the adventure of it all would be a way to shift our perspective from what wasn't there, what was different, but the difference would be accentuated in a positive way. Now it didn't mean that we weren't sad and we didn't miss my mom, but I do remember that it was a nice way to not so obviously realize how much things had changed so suddenly. So that was one shift in pivot of a tradition from having Christmas at home, with waking up with the tree, to then going skiing and being away from home for Christmas morning.

Speaker 1: 16:14

Another time. I remember a shift of a tradition was just again had to do with Christmas morning, this time after my dad. It was when my aunt had moved down to the cape and was now the official guardian of my sister and we all had our first Christmas all together and Auntie Kristen introduced us all to mimosas for Christmas. So we were in our PJs in the morning and she had bought some bubbly and some juice and so while we made our our breakfast and ate our snacks and munched on some you know breakfast type things, we all sat and had our mimosas together and that was special because bubbly is special and it just we had them in fancy glasses and it was a new tradition and it helped us shift again from another loss and another change, because we weren't at home then. We didn't have the house anymore and we were living with her and that just made it a little more festive and was exciting and different and so much fun.

Speaker 1: 17:26

And the way that's even shifted into the present day is that we still do mimosas with Auntie. Now she comes to my house. Since the boys were born 24 years ago, since we've been doing Christmas in this house and we still do. The mimosas in the morning Someone will you know last minute were like who's bringing the bubbly and who's bringing the, you know, the juice, and sometimes the bubbles are so good we're not allowed to put juice in them, but it's all so much fun and still adds a nice celebratory feeling. And then the boys were so excited when they got old enough to either appreciate or enjoy or partake in those mimosas. So it's. We even have special mimosa glasses that are so not practical with holiday decor on them, like little decorations on them, that those tend to tip. We might be transitioning out of those, but that tradition of having mimosas started the first Christmas after my father.

Speaker 1: 18:29

Another tradition that's shifted is when I was little. We used to get and you can hear this again in that last podcast, episode 25, which is a walk down memory lane with Todd Nally, my sister and brother. But we used to get PJs on Christmas Eve so we could open a present from. We gave each other a present, we could open one present from each other and then we were able to open a gift from my mom that was special Christmas night pajamas. And so we did that all through growing up and I can look at pictures and see myself and feel what it felt like to have those brand new pajamas. If they were the you know, the felted kind, sometimes they'd be a little stiff, but yeah, it was always fun to see what they were going to be and put those on and you knew the excitement of the next day was coming when you had your new PJs. And so that turned into a tradition when my boys were little, from the very beginning, that we got them the PJs for Christmas and then my aunt would get them their PJs for Christmas and bring those down and as they got older we would just find the most ridiculous pajamas for them. Between the two of us we had some really good ones. Again there's I'm actually going to post this on my business Facebook one too, on the Preserve your Past Facebook page, because there are some really good pictures of the boys and I'll share a little bit about the behind the scenes of. You know this tradition change, but that's part of what was a little bit hard was knowing the boys weren't going to both be home for. Posing with their PJs in front of the tree and getting packages to the youngest overseas is really hard, so I'm not sure that we'll even be able to get him pajamas, but maybe I can have him get his own pajamas and share a picture and some holiday PJs. But we will see how that one gets further shifted.

Speaker 1: 20:32

So if you're having to shift or adjust a tradition this year due to a loss or a change because I know in my friend group and in my close family we have lost some amazing people this year and it's never easy to go through a first holiday with the loss of a loved one but even changes that are big changes either divorces or separations, or moves to a new house or kids growing up and not being able to make it home for Christmas, whatever that looks like that change I want to invite you that, if you are feeling that, that you take some time to pause and to feel into what would feel good, even though it's different. That's what I did when I was thinking about the tree and I was like, oh, I just don't want to put up the same thing I always put up and it would feel dirty. You know, some of those things got ruined. So I thought what would feel good, even though it's different, and for me I knew I wanted the lights and I wanted the twinkles and I wanted some greenery, but I wanted it to be simple. I wanted the music, so I started playing music, but I just started thinking about what would feel good, even though it was different.

Speaker 1: 21:59

Another question that I would ask is how can you carry on a piece of the tradition while honoring your feelings and honoring the fact that things have changed? Is there a piece that can continue? So for the boys not being in the same house, like I said, maybe Benny can get his pajamas on base and we can still reenact a pretend picture in front of the trees. I mean, you can do all sorts of things now, but maybe there's a way to still recreate that feeling. And maybe it's a different day or time of day or whatnot. But what part of the tradition can I keep? What piece can I keep? Just even how we transferred those PJ ones onto my boys or some of those other ones where we knew we needed to do things.

Speaker 1: 22:54

But I wanted to keep parts of the tradition so that it could be a connection to the past. Right, because that's what our traditions are there to help us feel connected to the family that came before us, that maybe started them. But we also need to remember to honor our feelings and honor the change. So when you do that, think about what are the pieces that need to be adapted and what can stay the same. And then I want you to think about this, because this is really what helped me to get to those feelings is I gave myself time to think about it. So I want you to ask yourself how could you give yourself the time and space to honor the loss or the change, to feel the feelings.

Speaker 1: 23:46

Even if it's a good, positive change, it might be feeling uncomfortable and stressful, and acknowledging those feelings is better than avoiding them. Let me say that again, acknowledging them and feeling them is better than avoiding them, because when you have the feelings, they're there. If you don't acknowledge and let them kind of be, without really getting stuck in them, they're going to just be under the rug, festering. They're going to end up this holiday with you just throwing, like me. I could have just said, okay, I'm going to put up the decorations that I always put up, and I would have just thrown things up and I would have looked at them from my cozy spot on the couch and just felt grossed out or aggravated or sad, and I would have just not really taken into account my feelings. So, acknowledging your feelings, thinking about you, know I'm sad, I miss him. While I know he's okay and I know other people are in worst case scenarios, it's still real for me that this is the first time in 24 years and, even though he's doing great, it's still real for me to feel this way.

Speaker 1: 25:01

So if you are going through a loss this year or a change this year and need a shift of your traditions, please know that I'm thinking of you and I'm really sending my heart out to you. I invite you to reach out on Instagram or Facebook or even email me at Melissa, at Melissa and kitchencom, and share with me if you did find a way to bridge any of those transitions of those traditions. I'd really love to hear if this touched you and if there was something that you needed to change, please do share it in the group. If you haven't already joined us, I do have that free Facebook group called Preserve your Past Share your Stories. I'll put the link to the Facebook group. We are talking about traditions this month. I'll put those in the show notes and it's a great way for us to reflect and preserve the past, knowing that those traditions might not always be the same, but there's no reason why you can't bridge over to new traditions.

Speaker 1: 26:19

So that's the end of the podcast today. Again, thank you so much for joining me. I know that I am honored by the time that you take to be here with me and I would appreciate it if you could put a review in wherever you listen to your podcast. That really would be a lovely gift for me for the holiday season to be able to get our podcast seen by people who would have an interest in this topic. And, as always, here's to writing your powerful personal stories. Wasn't that a fun episode. I enjoyed our conversation so much and if you would like to continue our conversation, be sure to follow this podcast and share with friends. This helped share the mission of preserving the past with stories. Want more tips, tools and inspiration? Head over to Melissa in kitchencom. And, as always, let's get writing your powerful personal stories.