#33: Legacy of Love: Celebrating and Documenting Our Valentine's Day Narratives

When the O.J. Simpson chase hijacked my wedding eve, it became a timeless story that my family still chuckles about at gatherings. Now, imagine a cozy evening where you're sipping wine and exchanging tales of love that make you laugh, cry, and reminisce. On this episode of The Preserve the Past Podcast we're celebrating Valentine's Day by sharing the art of capturing and cherishing those heartwarming narratives that bind us together. From the 'how we met' anecdotes shared from multiple angles to the quirky traditions that hallmark our personal histories, I'll guide you through four compelling ways to document the love stories that are the essence of who we are.

Ever wonder how to keep the ember of memory glowing for generations to come? The second part of our storytelling sojourn takes us through a treasure trove of personal Valentine's Day traditions and the rich tapestry of questions that unveil the full panorama of a couple's proposal story. With an open invitation to share your own love-laden memories, this podcast is not just an episode but a heartfelt embrace of the tales that showcase our unique connections. Tune in for a dose of nostalgia, laughter, and tender reflections that will inspire you to preserve and pass down your own narratives of love and relationships.

Read the blog version here!

This group is for people who are in the process of writing their own personal stories to preserve their past for their future. It’s a place to come for story writing inspiration, weekly writing-related events and memes, and continued support from me and the other members.

Join like-minded people and get your stories down on paper for your future generations!

Transcript

Melissa: 0:00

Vincent van Gogh is quoted as saying love is something eternal. The aspect may change, but not the essence. And if love is eternal, as Van Gogh says, then what better topic to look at through the lens of preserve your past. In this episode, I'm going to be sharing with you ways that, as usual, I'm mining for stories and documenting my memories of loved ones, and I invite you to look at this core theme of love and relationships as you begin mining your own stories. So come join me on the episode as we celebrate Valentine's Day now.

Melissa: 0:49

Welcome to the Preserve your Past podcast, where we'll explore all things related to the creative process of writing your stories for future generations. I'm your host, melissa Ann Kitchum, author, teacher, speaker and coach. I believe that your personal history is a priceless gift for family, friends and generations to come, whether you consider yourself a writer or not. We are discussing the topics that help with every step of the process, like how to mine for the juiciest story ideas or how to refine them into polished final drafts you'll be proud to share. Let's face it sure, your stories can be overwhelming, but I've got you covered. We all have a lifetime of memories to share, so why not save yours to pass along? Let me help you leave your lasting legacy. Hi, everybody, and welcome back to the Preserve your Past podcast. And today we are going to be looking at Valentine's Day.

Melissa: 1:51

And again, if love is eternal, as Van Gogh says and that quote I shared that's a great way to share your stories, and I hope you'll be able to share your stories with us as well as with the other people. Van Gogh says and that quote I shared then what a better topic to look at through the lens of Preserve your Past. So today we're gonna be thinking about how, in mining for our stories and documenting our memories of loved ones, one of the core themes is often love and relationships. This is one of the topics where we've realized there is both history and legend blended together, with the truth lying somewhere in between. And we also know that a classic love story is about two separate entities coming together, right, two humans coming together. So even here, as we call it history, we're often going to find there are two separate versions, and this makes gathering of the memories even more interesting and the stories that we pull out of this even more interesting. So, again, in honor of the essence of Valentine's Day, I'm going to give you four suggestions for places to explore when preserving your past. So the first item that I'd like to offer you today as a suggestion is to look at the classic how I Met your Mother story. Now I'm actually referencing a TV show One of my sons watched a lot. I think he went through all of the episodes and seasons. That was about told from the point of view of a father telling his children for several television seasons how he met their mother. But you don't know who the mother is through all of these TV shows. But anyways, you can look that one up. I'm not talking about the fact that you only need your father's version of how they met your mother, but I'm talking about that classic, how I Met my Love, how I Met my Spouse story. And so when we think of this as a classic, a universal topic, it's one that will have multiple points of views, different versions. It's something you can look at from different sides because it will look different and it will have been lived differently from the sides of both parties. Right, it can also be something that you write of your own relationship for your children, or it could be something that you research or you actually interview parents, grandparents or others to gather this information. I would also offer that it doesn't have to be a love relationship, but could also be about a friendship. So when I look at this example I think about.

Melissa: 4:59

We just went to dinner with my siblings who have been on the show Todd Nelson and it was a Christmas celebration and we had all Been eating and having a glass of wine and we're sitting around the table together and I had asked to remember for each of the couples that were there there I guess you would call it origin story but their stories, their versions of how they met each other. And we went around the table and it was fun to see how each person had a different version of what that looked like, of what happened In their point of view, how some of these were more straighter lines than others. It was fun to see the humor that was remembered, the misunderstandings that happened along the way, the bumps in the road, and then you know those moments of knowing. So it is a very Interesting place to derive story from or even just to be able to get the information to pass along and share with others. That idea again of the origin of a relationship, especially if we're looking at our parents, can be quite magical, because if we weren't here, many of us are here because Two people came together right and fell in love and that's a gift to if that's the experience you have. I know not every child will have that story, so this could be something you pass along.

Melissa: 6:29

This could be even an origin story of a friendship. I shared in the past episode that I went on a trip for my birthday weekend a couple weekends ago with my friend Michelle, and I think I actually talk about our origin story in the episode of how we both talk together and how we were introduced to each other because we taught in Las Vegas but we were both from Massachusetts. Her accent, her Massachusetts accent, was a little more apparent to them than mine. But when I started speaking of where I was from, they said you need to meet Michelle, she says Bob. So we were talking, we met over the idea that the kids drinking fountain was called a bubble, but we were also Patriots fans and then became, yeah, family being far away from home. So that origin story of how we met but then also how our friendship grew is really important to us and we've shared that with our children as we've grown our friendship through the years to be to the next generation. So that is one idea of where to start that classic how we met story or how they met story.

Melissa: 7:50

Another suggestion that I have for seeking stories from the past that that have that Valentine's love theme is the story of proposals and weddings. So, in regards to proposals, you know, looking at our whether it's our parents again or whether we're sharing our own story how did the person propose? Did the other person immediately accept? Where did the proposal occur? Was it a surprise? Did it go as plan? Asking all the questions and not forgetting, again, to get both sides, if you're able to, because this is something that when you allow a couple to speak about, you will see the synergy, but you'll also see the versions right. Yes, so that, again, in addition to that proposal could also be a wedding day and, as again, as far as wedding days go, there will be at least two versions.

Melissa: 8:55

This is something else. Maybe it's not just the couple year interviewing, it might even be guests of the wedding or parents of the bride or groom, but there will be at least two versions and they may even start before the actual wedding. So questions to think about is what was happening in the world at the time of the wedding? Who were the people in the wedding party? Again, as I always talk about, some of this can be from photos, it can be from research. Another way to kind of get into the depths of the story is did everything go smoothly in this planned? Was there a location that the wedding took place in that was special? Let the stories flow. So, again, as you're interviewing or as you are sharing your own stories, let these stories flow. So, in looking at these two proposals and weddings, it brings me back to, as I mentioned, thinking about things that happened maybe even before the start of the actual wedding.

Melissa: 10:03

But my husband and I were married in 1994, on June 18th, and we had been living in Las Vegas and came home to get married, and so, as we prepared for our wedding that week, we gathered with friends the night before, similar to doing that rehearsal dinner and a rehearsal, but it was a lot more low-key. Our wedding wasn't quite as formal. So we gathered at a restaurant and we're all kind of sitting and having, I believe, mexican or something I can't even think of now the name of the restaurant. And as we're kind of sitting there, there's TV screens up because it's in this bar area. We're all having these conversations that are amongst a couple people on this side and maybe others on this side, and reminiscing because we hadn't seen our friends in a while. We had come back to Massachusetts after living for nearly a year in Las Vegas, and so it was a real celebration of coming back and being able to be with our friends that night, more so than even hanging out with family for that particular dinner. Maybe it was the after-rehearsal dinner dinner, but it was kind of that relaxing and reminiscing and gathering again with friends. And as we are all in the midst of these conversations up on the screen, we now realize that all of the shows have been interrupted and we are now watching this white Bronco racing up a highway from overhead view from a police helicopter.

Melissa: 13:41

And any of you who know 1994 know that that was the year that OJ Simpson had been accused of murdering his wife. And I say accused because of that time. Friends were kind of unfolding and it was really really, really crazy to go back in time Now, knowing so much that how that affected media, how it affected a lot of different parts of our life. It's crazy to go back to what it felt like at that moment as we watched it, but also the idea that it interrupted our whole evening with friends, like the room went silent, this place just became all encompassingly focused on this white Bronco. The whole restaurant, our evening before our wedding was pretty much interrupted and while it's a memory that we will never forget, it kind of gives that marker of when in time it happened. It was kind of a bummer. That conversation stopped because we were just in awe of this crazy happenstance. So these are great stories to ask when you're thinking you know things might not have gone as planned.

Melissa: 14:59

Another funny story was that my sister and brother were both single at the time and this was the 1990s. So when I threw my bouquet my sister caught it and when I threw my garter my brother caught it. But anyone who knows that, like your brother, putting the garter on your sister's leg is kind of icky would understand why we don't. Really many people don't do that tradition anymore. But that was hysterical because we had to find someone else who could stand in for my brother when we realized they both had caught these and it was so awkward and funny and just made for a really special moment, which is kind of funny because we put our friends in a position, also because we did pick my friend who was getting married soon but he also knew my sister for a really long time and was older and didn't feel much more comfortable than my brother did. So get to the meat of what went right, what might have not got right and those silly stories that are in the background, because we see the pictures and wedding albums but we don't always know what's happening on the backside and for real. So that was the second suggestion to look at the proposals and weddings and ask all the questions and, if they're yours, share all the details of behind the scenes.

Melissa: 16:29

And for our third suggestion, I ask that you examine some of your Valentine's Day traditions, or Valentine's Day traditions of your family, so whether they are your own or from interviews with loved ones. Are there traditions that were followed or not on Valentine's Day? Are there stories where someone gifted the same heart-shaped box of chocolates or bouquet of flowers? Was there a year that somebody forgot? Was there a year where they hid it out of the park? Is this holiday not celebrated at all and is there a reason why it's not celebrated? And again, these can be questions for self-reflection or for interviewing family members.

Melissa: 17:18

Now, when I was a little kid and it still comes to me thinking about Valentine's Day my father would come home on Valentine's Day with a box of chocolates for my mother, a big heart-shaped box of chocolates, and for each of us he'd bring three small mini heart boxes. And this, to me, was so special. First of all, the idea that he thought of us on Valentine's Day and brought something home, and it would always be. You know. You knew he stopped at the store on the way by To come home from work, but it was also there's something to be said when you can see that your parents love each other. And so the fact that my mother's box was always bigger, more or Nate. She always shared those candies with us after she chose her favorites because we had our own. But it always was the special feeling that I can go back to, even symbolically, to see how much love my dad had for my mom and how Any time that he was able to show appreciation or be romantic or just show his love to her, that was something, that affection was not Hidden from us, that something that I know.

Melissa: 18:39

Even in losing both of my parents, the reason why I came out as well emotionally and a strong emotionally and mentally was because I knew my parents loved each other and I knew my parents loved me and as a school counselor that worked with that risk, students and kids from all different backgrounds that would be struggling Even if they had both their parents, and people would say to me you know, boy, your story is really challenging, how you lost your mom and then your dad, but I would always answer that knowing that my parents love each other and me was a strength that I had To A steam to as an adult in my future. Like I knew an example of a loving relationship, and I had been love unconditionally and thoroughly, and so this brought me a stability that many of my students did not have. So Thinking about even those silly heart shaped boxes and that was not the only way he showed his love Can bring you back to those Valentine's in the past. So, again, looking at Valentine's Day traditions and seeing what those mean to you in your present. And finally, the fourth way that I think I would suggest for you to look at Valentine's Day through this preserve your past lens Is to think about how you can bring Valentine's days of the past to the present, and I think, if you listen to me, you know this is one of my themes where, as I'm gathering my memories right. As I'm researching my stories and remembering my traditions and I'm inviting you to do the same I'm also suggesting that you look for how you can bridge the past and the present and bring these memories to life now. So, looking at your family's history for any remnants of old love letters or vintage additions of Valentine's Day cards. Was there a tradition that you learned about Above, like the one I mentioned about my parents, that you want to bring into the present? Is there something special that would help you be able to connect to a former time in your life?

Melissa: 21:06

Now, as a child of the seventies and eighties who bought store box sets of cards to swap at school, I would also suggest reminiscing and even researching some of those kinds of top. So, for example, if you were in nineteen, seventy, nineteen, eighties or even later kid, research those themed cards that you remember sending your friends. So when I was a kid in school, and even as a teacher later on, I know we did this in elementary school, but when I was a child, we would bring in boxes and decorate them to make mailboxes. I think sometimes they were shoeboxes with a slit in the top. Think we did all different kinds of things.

Melissa: 21:48

And then on Valentine's Day we would need to bring these little cards that we would fold and have to sign our names on thirty times. Sometimes you'd have to buy multiple boxes. We go all three of us and pick out what our Valentine's we're gonna be that year and then go home and write them all out and write each person you have a mimeo graft and bring in your back to the seventies photo copied. Maybe we're in the eighties or nineties List of names of your students in your class and so you would need to write their names on the envelopes and sign your names on the inside. And there were some very Memorable cards that I remember.

Melissa: 22:29

So I actually did this recently, preparing for this episode, googled and researched vintage seventies and eighties Valentine's cards and I've added some pictures I'm gonna put into the blog version of this.

Melissa: 22:43

So if you're listening to the podcast, remember there's always going to be a written blog with show notes and the pictures that you can go to from the website.

Melissa: 22:53

So I'll always put the link to the blog in the show notes from the podcast, but you can see some of the ones that I remembered specifically sending as a kid, and so, again, this is something that has been a theme lately where I am going and I am looking at my memories that might be fuzzy and researching something to clarify my vision and my memory and, depending on your age and stage, see how you could bring some of your Valentine's memories and traditions to life in the present. So, again, to recap the four suggestions I have of ways to explore preserving your past when it comes to Valentine's Day. Number one was to look into that classic how I met you story. Number two, as similar to the how we met story, was to seek out the stories of proposals and weddings and maybe even first dates. We'll throw that in there too. Number three is examining Valentine's traditions of your family, of your loved ones, that you remember as a child or through interviews with others. And finally, number four is kind of connecting it all together with how can you bring your Valentine's of the past to the present.

Melissa: 24:14

Again, if you learn a surprising story and want to share that with me, please email me at melissaatmelissainkitchencom. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram. So if you do want to either direct message me or you want to share it on the on Facebook or an Instagram, you can tag me on Facebook now at preserving the past with Melissa and Kitchen, or you can find me on Instagram and tag me at preserveyourpast, and I would love to see your childhood memories of Valentine's. I would love to hear the silly stories of mishaps and mayhem for weddings and proposals, or even the sweet loving stories how you met. So please take some time to share those stories, and we would love to have you over in our Facebook group sharing those stories also. So definitely reach out. If you need that link, it will also be in our show notes, but until next time, I invite you to remember to preserve your past and share your stories.

Melissa: 25:38

Wasn't that a fun episode. I enjoyed our conversation so much and if you would like to continue our conversation, be sure to follow this podcast and share with friends. This helped share the mission of preserving the past with stories. Want more tips, tools and inspiration? Head over to Melissa in kitchencom and, as always, let's get writing your powerful personal stories.