#34: Tributes of Love: Turning Grief into Generosity and Acts of Kindness

Personal tokens of remembrance  lead us on our latest heartfelt exploration of transforming our sorrow into acts of kindness that resonate with the legacies of those who have passed. Join us as we share touching stories and creative ideas that remind us that our loved ones can continue to inspire and impact lives long after they've left us. Together, we'll uncover how to craft living tributes that not only preserve their memories but also propel us towards acts of generosity and compassion.

This conversation weaves through the motivations that propel us to memorialize those we've lost, from dedicating a playground that swings with the joy of a grandparent's spirit to establishing scholarships that ignite the passions they once held dear. We delve into how these symbols of remembrance serve as enduring beacons, guiding others through challenges while celebrating the essence of those we've admired. Tune in for an episode that promises not just an emotional journey, but a pathway to making a tangible difference in the community, in honor of those who've touched our hearts and shaped our lives.

See all 10 ideas in writing on the blog here!

This group is for people who are in the process of writing their own personal stories to preserve their past for their future. It’s a place to come for story writing inspiration, weekly writing-related events and memes, and continued support from me and the other members.

Join like-minded people and get your stories down on paper for your future generations!

Transcript

Melissa: 0:01

Whether it's through creating a scholarship, planting a tree or raising funds for a cause, many of us who have lost a loved one feel compelled to take an action to help others in our loved one's name. I believe there are several reasons that that happens, so today, in our episode, we're going to be talking about the reasons why we feel this way and some ways that we can take action in honor of our loved ones. So let's go take a listen to today's episode. Welcome to the Preserve your Past podcast, where we'll explore all things related to the creative process of writing your stories for future generations. I'm your host, melissa Ann Kitchell, author, teacher, speaker and coach.

Melissa: 0:51

I believe that your personal history is a priceless gift for family, friends and generations to come, whether you consider yourself a writer or not. We are discussing the topics that help with every step of the process, like how to mine for the juiciest story ideas or how to refine them into polished final drafts you'll be proud to share. Let's face it, sure, your stories can be overwhelming, but I've got you covered. We all have a lifetime of memories to share, so why not save yours to pass along? Let me help you leave your lasting legacy. Welcome back, my friend to the Preserve your Past podcast. I'm your host, melissa Ann Kitchell, and today, as I mentioned, we're going to be talking about all the ways we can honor our loved ones memory by performing acts of kindness and generosity in their name. I'm actually recording this episode and have written this blog in honor of the Random Acts of Kindness Day that was celebrated on February 17th. As a former teacher, this is something that I work through with my students every year and has a special place in my heart, and as I was looking at it through the lens of preserving your past, I realized that there is definitely a way that we all can connect with this idea of Random Acts of Kindness in honor of our loved ones, and that that does happen, naturally.

Melissa: 2:37

So I mentioned in my intro that there are reasons why that occurs, that we are drawn to do that and we are compelled to do that, and so some of the reasons I believe that happens is that, while processing through our grief, I think that we have several motivations that we feel. First of all, I believe that we don't want our loved ones to be forgotten. Right, we want them to be remembered, but it is really that idea of we don't want them to slip away and be forgotten by us, by the world. Their life mattered to us and as much as we feel that need, I think, to not be forgotten. When we have loved ones that we've lost, I think there's that holding on of reminding everyone that they lived and they were real, and we don't want them to be forgotten. Another reason why I think we often do that is that we want to honor the activities and interests that belong to our loved ones. So we might be creating a scholarship that honors the activities that match what our loved ones' interests were, or we might set up some other activities that matches again those interests. For example, if you had a loved one who played an instrument, you might create a scholarship for a high school that helps with students that are in the band that play that instrument being able to go to school to study. But there's somehow that I think we naturally want to honor the activities that remind us of that loved one.

Melissa: 4:18

A third reason that we might do this is that we want to continue to help and impact others who may be in a similar situation as our loved one. So this comes into play, I think, when we coordinate ways to either draw attention to a cause or again to raise money or to support someone going through something like cancer. If a loved one that we know had been going through cancer treatment, there may be a physical activity that we can do to support others in that situation. There might be fundraising that might be able to be done in that situation, but somehow we know what our loved one went through and we are feeling drawn to helping others who might be in that same scenario. We also a fourth reason might be doing this is because we want to create a physical space that will remind us of our loved one. So this could be something like a park bench in their name or a room or an office or a library or a church classroom that's named after that person. This is a physical space that we could go to, that we could see that serves the community, does well but also reminds us of our loved one.

Melissa: 5:36

And a fifth reason that I see us being drawn to do that is there is a quote and I'll have to find that and post that on my Socials, but that talks about when we have a loss of a loved one, someone passes away. That part of our grieving process is finding a place for all the love that we still have for them. Where is that love gonna go? And so learning all the ways that we can share that love continually, whether it's still with them in a different way, or whether it's with others. So I believe those random acts of kindness or acts of kindness that we do in honor of our loved one is another way to take all that love that we have for them and put it out into the world. And that's a beautiful use of that love, right to use the love that that still flowing, that feels like it doesn't have the same place to land, but that would also show our loved one how important they are to us.

Melissa: 6:38

So, in honor of all these reasons and others that may be even more personal to you, I'm going to share today 10 ways that you can honor your loved ones memory through an act of kindness. So I want you to listen to each of these. On the list there's 10 ways. This is another episode where I am going to make sure that you have the blog post in the show notes for you to go to, and if you are on the blog post, you will see that we also are linking our podcast episodes directly in the blogs also. So, because this is a list of 10, if there's anything here that you want to look at further and see specifics, please feel free to go to melissaandkitchencom. Forward slash blog to this will be episode 34.

Melissa: 7:30

Let's look at our top reasons. We're going to go through these. I'll do some descriptions and share some examples of how these might be used in order for you to be able to look at some ways that you can do an act of kindness and honor of your loved one. So the first idea for a way that you can honor a loved one Through an act of kindness is to create a memorial fundraiser, organize a fundraising event or a campaign in memory of your loved one, with the proceeds going to a cause or a charity that they care deeply about. So again, whether this is due to what caused their death and illness that they overcame or that they succumbed to, or a charity that they already cared deeply about while they were alive, is it to save animals? Is it based on their illness? Is it helping out with children's events? Whatever that is, creating a memorial fundraiser or a campaign where the proceeds could go to that cause is a great way to keep a person's memory alive, because not only are you doing good but you are doing it in the name of your loved one. You're bringing again that first reason of keeping that loved one's name on people's lips and their memory at the forefront. So that's a great first way to do that.

Melissa: 9:05

Number two is to start a pay it forward movement so you could encourage others to perform acts of kindness in honor of your loved one by starting some type of pay it forward movement, share their story and encourage people to spread kindness in their name. We've seen pay it forward in a very simple format of going through a drive-through and paying for someone's coffee, for the order behind you. But there are so many different ways you can pay it forward. It could be at the grocery store, it could be not just in a store but another way that you do something with the idea that then that person, when they are able to, does an act of kindness for the next person. These kind of movements even can be sharing fun and joy by silly things. Like I know, there's some groups that, in order to create playfulness and joy and even neighborhood involvement, will go to someone's home and put things in the yard or things on their door to kind of spread something fun. Like I know, there's flamingos. You know people have been flocked with flamingos and so a whole yard is filled with flamingos and that person has to then pay it forward by putting the flamingos in someone else's yard. But there could be something that does fit the personality of the person you want to honor. That could be a kindness that you share, whether it's purchasing for something for someone and asking that in the future they do the same for someone else, or whether it is spreading kindness through play, by this idea of taking an action. Whether it's putting lawn decorations in someone's yard, that's something that reminds you of your loved one.

Melissa: 12:49

Another action you could take to honor a loved one through an act of kindness is to donate blood or organs. So donating your blood or registering as an organ donor in memory of your loved one is a selfless act that can save lives and honor the legacy of your loved one through giving. So there's definitely a need for a blood donation or for you to register as an organ donor, but this is a way that you can impact the health of others and do it by honoring the legacy of your loved one, and it doesn't take money. It doesn't take. It takes effort, it takes dedication, but and again, the organs is something you're committing to in the future. But it's a lovely way, especially if your loved one needed to benefit from other people's blood or organs. It's a great way to honor a person.

Melissa: 13:49

The next way, number four, is to support caregivers. Offering support and assistance to caregivers who are caring for individuals with illnesses or disabilities, either through volunteering or providing respite care, can honor the memory of your loved one by acknowledging the importance of caregiving. So, whether your loved one was a caregiver or whether they were supported and cared for by a caregiver, offering support and assistance is a way to pass along that positive, caring support for individuals who dedicate themselves to caring for others, whether it's older individuals or chronically ill individuals or young persons, while the families are going through issues with illness and need assistance with caregiving. So some ways you could support them are by offering comfort kits or supporting through donations for items that might make their jobs easier. If you have a specific organization that you've worked with, you can talk with them to see what would support the caregivers the most. If you've connected with people and you already know what they like, what they can do. Just honoring them, even personally, by gifting them something that would comfort them, is wonderful. Also, honoring them in some public way and giving thanks to them in a public way and acknowledgement is another way that you could support them in their future endeavors of supporting others.

Melissa: 15:30

And number five, another way that you could honor your loved one is to create a legacy project. Start a community project such as building a playground, renovating a community center, organizing a neighborhood cleanup and memory of your loved one. This can leave a lasting impact on the community while honoring their memory. So when my husband's grandfather passed away, there was a memorial playground that was built in one of the community areas in our town and we did have a specific bench dedicated to him and the playground was named for him and his brothers. And that was a legacy project. That is a neighborhood situation, a neighborhood location that we could go to and be able to remember him and think about how much he loved kids, how much he loved his community and how much he was active in that community him and his family. And so a legacy project is a wonderful way to not only benefit a neighborhood or a again local community, but there's ways that you can take it from being a very simple project, like just even a bench, to a larger project such as renovating a community center or a whole playground or park. Now, when my mom passed away, we did have updates to our church happening for Sunday school, and my mother was a Sunday school teacher and so one of those Sunday school rooms was dedicated in her honor, and that's a nice way to know that she was remembered and impacted her community even after she was gone. So legacy projects are a wonderful way to make a lasting impression on a community and neighborhood but also honor your loved one and something that maybe they took part in or enjoyed.

Melissa: 17:34

Number six another way to honor them is to foster or adopt an animal. Now, this is thinking outside the box, a little different than some of the others, but providing a loving home to a shelter animal by fostering or adopting in the memory of your loved one is an act of kindness that not only honors the memory but also improves the life of an animal in need. Now, if you're not ready to foster or adopt an animal, but your loved one was passionate about animals, even supporting a shelter and providing resources, whether it's monetary, whether it's time, whether it's food and physical items, is a great way to honor a loved one who had a passion for animals. So if you have an aunt that was a cat lover, or you have a brother-in-law who is very much into a certain breed of dogs or whatnot, like somebody in your family that may have had that passion for animals, a great way that they would love to be honored would be either from fostering or adopting, but especially supporting animals that are in fostering adoptions and supporting those local community organizations that support those animals. If you're not ready to foster, adopt one yourself.

Melissa: 18:57

Number seven an additional way is to support mental health initiatives. So advocate for mental health awareness and support by volunteering for organizations that provide resources and assistance to those that are struggling with mental health issues. This can honor your loved one's memory by raising awareness and reducing the stigma surrounding mental health. So this way is a very impactful and poignant way, specifically even more so if your loved one suffered from mental health issues. This is going to be a way that paying forward the experience and the lessons that you learned through working through this issue with your loved one if you were able to have participation in that or to support something again, whether or not your loved one suffered from mental health issues. If they also were supporting of mental health awareness, then that's another way to honor them. But many times we have experiences with the loss of loved ones whether it's through the taking of their own lives or through deterioration or through depression at the end of life where we know that anything that we can do that will support mental health and advocate for mental health awareness would be an amazing thing to do to honor their memory.

Melissa: 20:32

The next one is to create a scholarship program. So establishing a scholarship program in memory of your loved one to support students pursuing education or training in a field they were passionate about can provide opportunities for others while also honoring your loved one's legacy. So this could be again, as I mentioned in the intro, a scholarship for an instrument if your family member played that instrument. It could be a topic that your family member or loved one studied, that you know. There's many others pursuing that education and you want to support students that are pursuing those same pursuits that your loved one did, and creating a scholarship program that can continually give back to your community is an amazing way to do that. If it's in your loved one's name. There's usually a ceremony where the scholarships are awarded and a little bio is able to be added so that the students understand that the impact of the person that the scholarship's named for and some information about why it's important that they be honored through the scholarship and number nine.

Melissa: 21:53

Another way to do this is to organize a community service day. So coordinating a day of service where friends, family, community members come together and volunteer for various projects in honor of your loved one can foster a sense of community while also honoring their member through collective acts of kindness. So this is a great way to choose an area in your neighborhood, an area in your community even if it's local to a specific building or a specific lot or a specific need in your community where everyone could come together and work through that. And coming together that way to volunteer and make an impact not only is a great way to remember your loved one and improve your the outcome right Of whatever that service is working through, but it's also a great way to connect people, for people to come together and enjoy each other's company and enjoy the feeling of a job well done, and connecting and making a difference in their community can help them to feel that joy and passion that then lives through from your loved one. And finally, number 10, the final way that you could honor a loved one is through performing random acts of kindness.

Melissa: 23:17

So this brings us back to the topic throughout the year, performing random acts of kindness in memory of your loved one, whether it's paying for someone's coffee or leaving uplifting notes in public places or offering a helping hand to a stranger, small gestures can make a big difference and keep that person's memory alive. And I love just the idea of keeping this at the forefront, because I think these random acts of kindness, these small, random acts of kindness, are easier for us to maintain on a day to day basis. So, waking up and thinking when you miss that person, you know what? What can I do today? Show me how I can give back, and then going through and anchoring to ways that, when you see someone in need or something fun that you could do in kindness for someone else, that it takes you from that sense of loss and into a sense of magic, into a sense of giving and generosity. So, again, whether it's paying for someone's coffee in the honor of your loved one's name, whether you are leaving special notes or different objects that you're kind of passing along, some type of offering or helping someone right, helping a stranger. Anytime we can offer compliments or give a small gesture. That's easy to do on a daily basis and it makes a huge, huge impact on the people that we affect with that and I think that's a very easy, consistent way that we can honor our loved one. So that is our 10 ways.

Melissa: 25:06

Let me just repeat what they were. Number one create a memorial fundraiser. Number two start a Pay it Forward movement. Number three donate blood or organs. Number four support caregivers. Number five create a legacy project. Number six foster or adopt an animal. Number seven support mental health initiatives. Number eight create a scholarship program. Number nine organize a community service day. And finally, number 10, perform random acts of kindness.

Melissa: 25:51

Now some of these reasons overlap, but I would say all of them fall under the concept that I say is defined and explained in an African proverb that says, and I quote as long as you speak my name, I shall live forever". And what better way to assure a loved one's name is spoken than through acts of kindness? So thank you for joining me for the podcast today. I invite you to continue this conversation over on Facebook. You can find me there at Preserving your Past with Melissa Ann Kitchen on Facebook. Also, feel free to comment below where the blog is. Again, the blog will be hosted on the website melissaannkitchencom forward slash blog and always available to email me melissaannkitchencom.

Melissa: 26:54

But I love for us to continue this conversation. Share your thoughts of ways that you have done this, where you have created a random act of kindness or an act of kindness that has memorialized a loved one, and please feel free to share this podcast with whoever else you know is thinking of these topics of remembering their loved ones, of preserving their past and sharing their stories. And until next time, I encourage you to preserve your past and share your stories. Wasn't that a fun episode? I enjoyed our conversation so much and if you would like to continue our conversation, be sure to follow this podcast and share with friends. This helped share the mission of preserving the past with stories. For more tips, tools and inspiration, head over to melissaannkitchencom. And, as always, let's get writing your powerful personal stories.