Mastering the Art of Connection through Love Languages

Can understanding your partner's love language save your relationship? Unlock the key to deeper connections with our latest episode, where we dig into Gary Chapman's transformative concept of love languages. We'll share real-life stories and practical advice on how words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, and quality time can make a world of difference in how cherished your partner feels. Don't miss out on learning how to make your words and actions speak directly to their heart.

Ever wondered why your partner doesn't seem to appreciate your grand gestures? It might just be that their love language is different from yours! We'll walk you through the subtle yet powerful impact of physical touch, and why a simple hug or a hand on the shoulder can be more meaningful than a thousand words. Discover the art of giving thoughtful gifts that speak volumes without breaking the bank, and learn how undivided attention during quality time can transform your relationship.

Finally, we dive into acts of service and how small, everyday actions can be profound expressions of love. Hear personal anecdotes about navigating mismatched love languages and how recognizing these differences can lead to fewer conflicts and better communication. Plus, stay tuned for an invitation to our Relationship Healing Clarity Call, designed to help you and your partner reconnect amidst the pressures of daily life. Join us for a heartfelt conversation that promises to enrich your relationships in ways you never thought possible.

Here's the quiz
https://5lovelanguages.com/

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:19

1, 2, 3, 4 couples and singles who want to unlock their relationship potential and reconnect on a deeper, more meaningful soul level. We share insights, client breakthroughs and personal stories to help move your relationship from surviving to thriving. Welcome everyone to another episode of Thrive Again, your relationship podcast. We're very excited to join you for a short and sharp episode today.

Speaker 2: 0:46

Yeah, we're going to do a punchy one and it's about a topic that might be familiar to you and to many people, but whether we apply these things or not is another thing.

Speaker 1: 0:56

Yeah, it's a good reminder, I think this one and it's something that you probably forget, like Michael said. So let's get straight into it, and today we are talking about love languages. Now, you might have heard about love languages before, but maybe not paid any attention, but ultimately, an amazing man called Gary Chapman has done a lot of research in this area and he has come to a conclusion, or to an understanding, that there is five love languages that we have.

Speaker 2: 1:28

Yeah, and what are love languages? I guess is the first thing that we need to clear up, because sometimes we just think we can make up our own love languages and just completely ignore what Gary's saying. And really this is based on a lot of research and a lot of understanding between dynamics of human beings and communication, so it is actually attributed to our upbringing and our environment, and really what we're talking about here is the essence in how we receive love and how we give love as well. So let's see if we can maybe pull apart each of the love languages and that way you can get an understanding as to, maybe, what you are. If you haven't done the quiz, if you haven't done the quiz before, it's worth doing. Yeah, it's worth doing, and we can leave that in the show notes.

Speaker 1: 2:22

Yes, just a free quiz online Probably takes five minutes max and goes through, and it helps you identify what your love language is. And, like michael said, a love language is how we give and receive love, but it's more importantly how we receive the love, because often um I, in our relationship, I was giving love to you and how I wanted to receive it, but you weren't receiving the love I was giving because it wasn't your love language, so it was like I was speaking a different language to you in that space.

Speaker 2: 2:56

Yeah, it's like barking up the wrong tree. You're putting all your energy in and you feel like you're not really in effect, getting any reciprocal love back. Or you know, you're feeling like you're undervalued in some way or they're not really kind of appreciating you. But really what's happening is you're just crossing, you've got your wires crossed and you're operating on your field and they're operating on theirs and you're not really understanding each other in terms of how you receive love.

Speaker 1: 3:25

So, for example, with us let's start, I guess, firstly going through what are the five different love languages and maybe, if you haven't done the quiz, you can maybe guess what your love language is when we go through each of those.

Speaker 2: 3:39

Yeah. So the first one that we'll speak about is words of affirmation, and for those of you who haven't studied the love languages before, they might sound a little bit odd, these titles. But words of affirmation is simply words that have meaning and they're like a verbal acknowledgement of affection, Like I love you, you know, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement and even like texting, you know, and social media, using social media to kind of message other people is actually it also impacts and just shows affection to that particular person. So that's words of affirmation.

Speaker 1: 4:17

Yeah, so words of affirmation probably needs to go a little bit more than just I love you's. I think, like for a person who has the love language of words of affirmation, it's important to expand on that. I feel like in our couple work with our couples, we go into maybe why, why you love them. You know, what are some things that you love about them, what are some of the things that you appreciate about them. So often, the people with words of affirmation love languages potentially weren't told this much. As a child, they weren't reassured or confirmed that they were loved, so therefore they potentially seek that in their partner. Now, this is not always, this is not gospel, but this is what we've come across in our work and we've seen as well. Well, so, yeah, please, um, if your partner has this love language, or if you do, you'll know that, adding that little bit extra to the why thank you so much for being a present dad, the kids I can see the kids adore you.

Speaker 2: 5:23

that might mean a lot to that person yeah, lots of encouragement as, as it says, affirmation. So can you affirm the things that they're doing really well, and of course, it's really listening to them intently and actively is going to be really helpful in this as well. So yeah, just dropping little post-it notes and things like that is going to just help them to just really melt. They're going to feel so safe and secure when you offer this to them.

Speaker 1: 5:49

All right, so that's one. The next one of the love languages is physical touch.

Speaker 2: 5:55

Yeah, so physical touch is just as it says. You know, like some people just really value having that physical connection and that physical intimacy and that can just be like hugging, kissing, holding hands, showing affection in different ways. That's physical and um and that's a priority for them. So if that's, their love language, then touch is so important and it can be just glances, like just as you walk past, just touching them on the shoulder.

Speaker 2: 6:26

It doesn't have to be anything crazy or overly sexual or anything like that. This is more just to help them feel safe and secure and warm and nurtured and complete yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:37

So just a hand on the shoulder hand on their leg, um yeah, all of those sorts of things are really helpful for a person with physical touch. And again, potentially they maybe did or they didn't receive that as a child. Maybe they did have a very loving, affectionate mum and dad who gave them all of that, and then they still seek that in their relationships or potentially they didn't receive that and that means a lot to them as well. So, yeah, physical touch, pretty straightforward yeah, I think more than that.

Speaker 2: 7:04

That's right, yeah, okay. The next one is receiving gifts.

Speaker 1: 7:08

Yeah, this is a different one, isn't it? Because I don't think we've come across many couples where this has been predominant. But yeah, receiving gifts is a love language that people do love and that's just making that extra time to think about another person, like it's the thoughtfulness that goes behind the gift.

Speaker 2: 7:36

And I think that's the important part of this. Yeah, language, yeah, it's kind of like a gesture of love and and so by offering a thoughtful gift or being thoughtful in nature, that helps them to feel loved and appreciated. So small things, you know, really go a long way. And it doesn't necessarily mean, um, you know always, that you have to go out and just buy expensive and lavish gifts. Right, it's, it's just being really thoughtful of them and maybe picking a flower or, um, you know, just just giving them gifts in some way that helps them to feel special.

Speaker 1: 8:07

Buying a little chocolate, leaving it with a note, those sorts of things. It's the effort that goes behind, I think, the receiving gifts. That's really important for those people who do have that love language. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:20

And it can be a tricky one. This is a good example of why, in love languages, we have this problem when ours is one and our partner is the other, because if you don't really value receiving gifts, then you're going to find it really hard to have this in the forefront of your mind for your partner if they have that as a primary love language. We had this issue and had to help a couple through this because um one of them, um, was from germany, and in germany gifts are a big part of of, you know, that person's upbringing and so that's how she felt really loved and appreciated a lot of the time.

Speaker 2: 8:55

It was a really a token and a gift of um you know, for them and so yeah her partner really was finding it hard to wade through this, because it was a completely opposite, because he didn't value gifts at all he would actually, as a child, he would say, wouldn't he he was?

Speaker 1: 9:11

like oh, I didn't even want christmas presents because I kind of got stuff that I needed all throughout the year. So he didn't value that. So for him it was challenging his partner's like just buy me something um so yeah, just be mindful of if it's, it's the actual gesture behind the gift not so much the gift itself.

Speaker 2: 9:31

Yeah, thoughtfulness comes to mind. Yeah, yeah, all right. Next one is quality time. So quality time again is just as it sounds, and quality time together. That is right. So one-on-one time and quality time, because I mean sometimes maybe you work in business together or work together and that's time together, but is it quality and it's the?

Speaker 1: 9:57

presence and the undivided attention in this time that I think those people with this love language crave. It's like putting everything aside You're the priority, I'm with you and that's all I care about right now. So you know, it's coming more and more rare in this society is to give each other this time, and particularly if you've got that love language, it's even more challenging, right? Because our phone is such a big distraction, or social media, or our work, our laptops, our emails everything else becomes like a distraction. So yeah, if you, if you or your partner, have this love language, put everything else aside and just give them that particular undivided attention.

Speaker 2: 10:44

Nailed it. No need to expand on that one, I don't think. But the final one we're going to discuss is acts of service. So acts of service it was a funny one when I first time I ever read this years and years ago, because I'm thinking, really, people like receive love in other people doing things for them. And yeah, I actually ended up marrying someone who has this as a primary love language. So I had to learn.

Speaker 1: 11:11

Actions speak louder than words.

Speaker 2: 11:13

That's right, it's all about actions. Yeah, that's right so yeah really can you alleviate the pressure for your partner. You know, can you contribute to some of the tasks and I don't know what are some of the things that you love for me to do. That's really helpful and it just shows love and appreciation yeah, I guess.

Speaker 1: 11:35

Um, as you can see, acts of service was my, is my love language, and when you peg the washing out, without being asked, without being asked, without being asked.

Speaker 1: 11:43

When you hear the you know the, the sound that the washing machine's done and you just go and start pegging it out, I'm like, oh, he loves me. I'm so lucky silly. Hey, I know it sounds so silly, but if you have this love language you will know what I mean. When it just means so much, it just kind of melts my heart that he's actually taken that little bit of effort to see that that pegging out the washing releases some pressure and it kind of shows that he's supporting me and loving me in who I am.

Speaker 1: 12:14

So, yeah, acts of service. It could be quite simple. It could just be making a cup of tea.

Speaker 2: 12:21

It could literally be just like fixing something that's broken or picking up the groceries, things like that that are quite practical.

Speaker 1: 12:29

But also, I think you can incorporate things like just giving your partner a massage right, and even though that is like a physical touch, it's still an act of service, right, so these can actually lay over and cross over each other as well yeah, yeah, I think, um, it was interesting when we first started and we'll talk a little bit about, I guess, how we kind of were speaking different languages in our love languages right, because I was my obviously my love language acts of service and I was doing a lot of acts of service for Michael because I thought that that's how he received love as well. So I would cook dinner and I would clean the house and I would do the washing and I would, you know, change the sheets and, you know, do the groceries and all things, but it just didn't ever seem to be like really received, like how I would expect you to receive it, and I felt like, yeah, yeah, I really enjoyed that.

Speaker 2: 13:22

you did those things, of course, like you know. Yeah, but did it feel like love and appreciation? No, actually Appreciation. No, actually. What would feel like love and appreciation to me because my primary love language is quality time would be for you to actually just put all of that stuff down and come and just relax with me on the balcony and let's just have a chat.

Speaker 1: 13:43

Interesting, isn't it? We completely crossed paths there.

Speaker 1: 13:53

You know we're completely on different sides of the fence because, yeah, me doing the jobs actually probably showed you I didn't love you. Yeah, because your love language was quality time. So we can see how this happens in relationships we completely miss each other. We're like what's going on? So that's hence why we do this with our couples and why it's important to to know this and actually keep it in mind when you're with in with your partner in a relationship yeah, it takes some real conscious attention, you know, because our natural default is to just go back to what we love, how we love to receive.

Speaker 2: 14:23

So, yeah, just remembering that this is just another way of connecting with your partner. This isn't the be all and end all and the you know, the thing that's going to heal your relationship, but it's certainly going to make some real inroads into just finding more connection, especially if you've, you know, kind of been together for a long time and um, and you might be just missing each other so yeah, there's.

Speaker 1: 14:44

There's a couple of benefits also obviously just from filling each other's love cups up, but also it really does help to improve the communication. It helps to enhance your connection, to get that connection back. You know that that maybe you are missing each other. It actually helps to reduce conflicts because you feel more appreciated and you feel like they're making an effort because they're they're consciously choosing to do this for you and it can also help support that, that longevity of a relationship. Those little things can go a long way. So I guess it's paying maintenance, doing maintenance on the relationship in some capacity. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 15:25

So that's what we wanted to go over today. It's a short and sharp one. If you haven't done the quiz, go and do it and get your partner to do it as well.

Speaker 1: 15:32

It's quite easy to do, it doesn't take long and you're going to find a better map of your partner if you decide to do this I encourage you, once you've done the quiz, to sit down together and actually say hey, what are some of the things I can do to fill that for you? Well, how do I meet that love language and what would you like me to do? What specific things? So then you can get really clear as well and just keep them in the back of your mind always yeah, fantastic.

Speaker 2: 15:57

well, if you have any issues around this or maybe you wanted to explore going deeper in reconnecting with your partner, because maybe you've drifted apart over a period of time or maybe stress and kids are really bringing tension to the relationship, make sure you just contact us for a clarity call because in 40 minutes we can actually pull apart exactly where the brokenness exists, what you actually need to do to kind of mend the hurt and the disconnect and finally and obviously, give you some strategies and tools to help with that. So why wouldn't you do that? It's a great opportunity to connect with us. You probably feel like you maybe even know us if you help with that. So why wouldn't you do that? You know it's a great opportunity to connect with us. You probably feel like you maybe even know us. If you've heard a couple of episodes by now, we're not going to bite your head off. We're not crazy.

Speaker 1: 16:42

We're not weird. We just simply just want to help relationships to heal. We're a little bit weird. Anyway, thanks so much for listening, guys, and I'll see you on the next episode.