Thrive Again - Your relationship podcast

Re-energise Your Relationship Through Personal Goals and Boundaries

• Michael & Amy • Season 1 • Episode 46

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We explore how setting personal goals and embracing self-love fosters deeper connections in relationships. The episode delves into the significance of growth-oriented mindsets, personal non-negotiables, the importance of supportive partners, and how to avoid stagnation in love. 
• Reflecting on the past year for growth 
• Setting intentions for strong relationships 
• The role of individual goals in partnerships 
• Importance of non-negotiables for personal commitment 
• Navigating differing aspirations within relationships 
• Building trust and integrity through goal-setting 
• Preventing burnout by prioritising self-care 
• Upcoming programs and offerings for relationship improvement 
Let’s connect this year—share this episode with others seeking growth!

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Speaker 1:

1, 2, 3, 4 couples and singles who want to unlock their relationship potential and reconnect on a deeper, more meaningful soul level. We share insights, client breakthroughs and personal stories to help move your relationship from surviving to thriving.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to another episode of Thrive Again, your Relationship podcast. We're here today, in 2025, and so welcome, because often jumping into a new year signals big change and and sometimes it can also signal monotony, routine and much of the same. So today, in this episode, we really wanted to just pull apart how we can prevent, you know, boredom and prevent resentment and prevent relationship stagnancy moving into this new year.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, happy new year everyone. Whatever you're doing or wherever you are, I hope you've had a nice time with family. Often we can get opportunity to connect with family and friends that we don't normally throughout the year, so I hope that's been really beautiful for you, whatever you've been doing, and, yeah, excited to get started in this new year. For us, it's always an opportunity to reflect on the last year, but it's also a great opportunity to set some new goals, set some new boundaries and ways to move forward in a really positive way. So we're bringing this episode to you guys with that what we've been doing.

Speaker 1:

The last week or so, we've been away with family and now we're back in the office and really starting to get excited about what this new year looks like. So we thought this would be really helpful for both individuals and couples. Really this episode to try and get some clarity on where you're moving forward, but also why it's really important and healthy for the relationship space. Often we see couples kind of in this, like Michael said, this monotony or this kind of repetitive cycle and not knowing how to break out of it.

Speaker 2:

So we hope that this might help you guys to to do that yeah, so we've been through a process, as amy just spoke about, um, really, what we what we've done is we've gone through a process of reflection and reverence for the for 2024 and really just spoken into some of the really big wins and can we celebrate those wins and um. And then, as part of the second process, which actually happened while we were camping at the near the base of mount warning, um, we started to go through what it is that we really want to bring in into 2025, what we want to step into and what we want to let go of and the ways in which we can protect those desires that we're really looking to step into. So we wanted to share that with you today because it was really valuable and I know that for us, this has been really helpful in our, our relationship personally, and it's also been tricky as well.

Speaker 1:

So you know, maybe we'll speak into that, but yeah, I think that's really a good place to start about, like when we didn't have goals or boundaries or non-negotiables what that was like for us, maybe a bit of a story yeah about, yeah, that side of things first would be helpful yeah.

Speaker 2:

So, look, I think really it comes down to some of the research that that has really come out, which is based around how if we don't really have aspirations, we don't have a growth oriented mindset, we don't really have things that we're looking to accomplish, then what happens is our mindset suffers.

Speaker 2:

And when the mindset suffers, then we fall into our coping strategies, you know, and we fall into that monotony, and sometimes that can be our worst enemy, especially in relationships. So for me, I know that when I don't have something that I'm looking to achieve or aspire to, whether that be, you know, a course or something that is physical in nature, that's going to bring me health and vitality, then what happens is I tend to allow my mind to take over and with that I'm experiencing, maybe, maybe envy comes up for me, you know, in other people's lives, because I see them achieving things. I see them, you know, their lives going so well, and so I start to create a narrative that my life just isn't so good or I'm too busy, I don't really have time for that, but they do, and then resentment builds in me. So that was my personal experience, and when I have resentment in my body, then my energy is really shit.

Speaker 1:

I just sort of can be mopey.

Speaker 2:

I, yeah, I might even have like codependence and reliance on you to really pick me up or help me out, or you know, and so, because of stepping well, now that I'm stepping into more growth oriented approach to the start of the year and even mid-year, do this as well.

Speaker 1:

Um, it's helped me so much to just remain on track yeah, yeah, I think, um, you also you know in the past, being the the people pleaser that you were, you would put everybody else's needs first and you thought that that was what you had to do, which also related to your goals or your aspirations or your boundaries. Right, you didn't really have that clear, so you were just saying yes to everything else except yourself. So I saw that like, yeah, often you would want to do something, but you'd never actually have the courage to set that goal or step into it, because you might upset somebody else or it might not work that great for me or the kids or a friend that you said yes to. So therefore, your own needs got put to the side, and which left you, I guess, ultimately in that position of burnout as well.

Speaker 2:

Right, yeah, yeah, pretty much nailed it and I think, like the, the self-love aspect, um comes into it as well that I really didn't feel like um, I could prioritize myself or that I was worthy of that time really being invested just in me.

Speaker 1:

I'm sure some people can relate to that, yeah and so this is what I guess our message is how important that is right, because I, I think for me I always seem to find it fairly simple to set some goals, because I'm that type of person, I'm task orientated driven, so for me it was not so difficult to set a goal and just really put my energy into that um. But yeah, for some people it's actually daunting. It's like I don't even know what I'm interested in. I don't even know what I want to do, because I've just been putting everybody else's needs first and also that self-worth. I'm not worthy or I'm not don't love myself enough to actually give myself the time to focus on a goal or a task that you're really wanting to achieve.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and just on a side note there, our new program which we've just launched. We really dive into that and help you uncover that more clearly so that you can kind of step into life, you know, with such a vibrancy and authenticity, knowing exactly what it is that you're on this earth to do, and not just within your relationship, but also kind of having more of a clear focus as to who you are as a person, prioritizing self-love, prioritizing self-first, which sounds counterintuitive in a relationship. Right, it can sometimes come across as selfish, but really the research it keeps pointing back to the fact that if we can really foster self-love in the form of growth and personal goals and development of self, then we're generally going to be turning up better in relationship.

Speaker 1:

Being a better parent, being more energetic. Your life force is going to be more powerful because you're feeling good, right, and this is what we encourage with all of our couples that we work. We just don't want them to have just one component of their life good, we want a holistic approach across all of the areas of the people's lives. So, yeah, this is just one component of their life. Good, we want a holistic approach across all of the areas of the people's lives.

Speaker 2:

So, yeah, this is just one thing and I also just want to acknowledge that, when you hear the term goal and goal setting, that sometimes this can be triggering for some people in a way, because, um, I know for me, like fear of failure was a big thing, you know, and certainly, at a deeper level, fear of success, like what if I actually achieved this thing that I've set out to accomplish? Am I worthy of that thing? It could be a financial goal, you know, and so it could be something to do with health and fitness. I want to lose a certain amount of weight, and what if, after two weeks, I start this process and then I fail, or I stop going to the gym, or I have a binge session and then I just drop the ball? Does that then signal to me that I'm a failure and that just confirms that I'm not good enough? And so I totally understand that this is a challenge as well and just really wanted to acknowledge that there's some deeper things at play here, and I also wanted to really challenge you as well into, look, just having the courage to kind of really make a commitment or a stand for you this year, and that's really what we're talking about here.

Speaker 2:

So, yeah, just wanted to speak about what are goals and what are non-negotiables, because that's what we're going to cover in this episode. So the first one is just like individual goals we're talking about here. So individual goals, if we're going to define it, are aspirations that foster personal development. So it's going to be things like generally, like your job, your career, your health, maybe starting a new hobby or maybe learning something new. But a goal is something that is really specific, it's measurable, it's achievable, it's relevant to you and your situation and it's time bound. So we refer to those as SMART principles. So they're the individual goals, so they're things that you're aspiring to achieve.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I think the other part of that is so you set the goal, but then there's also parts of that that we can break down and they become your non-negotiables.

Speaker 1:

So it's interesting because I think you've been probably hearing out there in the world that you we've got to start practicing saying no. You know it's particularly these people pleases that always saying yes everything. So if we're going to start practicing saying no, we need to know, to understand what it is that we're saying no to, and to get clear on what's in most importance to you. What are your boundaries, what are your non-negotiables that are really important to make you feel the best you can. And that way, once we know them, then it's easier to be able to say no, or it's easier to to know what is on track for you and what isn't. So it helps to create that. So your non-negotiables become those daily, little, maybe weekly or daily habits that you prioritize yourself and your, your own well-being, on, whatever that trajectory is, whether it's a personal goal that you're achieving or a career goal or a health and wellness goal but they help to break down your goal into making it as a non-negotiable for you right.

Speaker 2:

So an example of that might be I want to feel more energy. Yeah, I want to feel more energy this year, and that's not really a specific goal, but let's just say that that was your intention for the year. The non-negotiable might be I'm going to walk on monday, wednesday and fridays, and on thursdays I'm going for a swim at the beach. So they're kind of things that are I'm absolutely not going to budge with them like they are.

Speaker 1:

I'm fencing those off and then everything else can come after that yeah, and that is so important because that shows yourself that you're important. You know that you're prioritizing self first amongst all the other tasks and things to do in life. You're committing to going to the beach or exercising every day or whatever those things are that make you feel good. So that really helps to show yourself that yeah, you are worthy. And it helps to just transition that belief of I'm not worthy and things that we all struggle with day to day as well.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So a couple of examples of goals that you might want to set. Maybe you've got like a, maybe a running race or something that you want to commit to. There could be a certain number of personal development books you want to read. So maybe you know I read 12 personal development books this year. Maybe you want to move into a new career path and you really want to just take that leap.

Speaker 2:

So when we write our goals down, I think that it's super important as to how you're writing them down, because if you have the energy of I want to complete a marathon by December 2025, then when you say I want, it signals to the unconscious mind that you don't have it. And so that's such an important piece is that a lot of people write these things down as in, like it's a desire, but the unconscious mind only understands present tense, and present tense you can also encompass past tense into it, because then it feels like you've already done it. So if the unconscious mind feels more like it's already been done, then it's more likely to help you and support you into the behaviors that are required for you to get that done. So, for example, if you want to complete a marathon by december 2025. Then you would write it I completed my queenstown marathon by december 2025. I completed it, it's. It's speaking as if it's already done yeah, it helps a lot.

Speaker 1:

I've done this before and it definitely helps the unconscious mind to um stop with all of the the negative thoughts like I can't do that, that's impossible because it's already done. So, all of that little um, your monkey mind that tries to create all of the reasons why you can't do that. It actually kind of helps to stop those as well. Yeah it's pretty powerful.

Speaker 2:

Cool. And then so with the, let's just stick with this example of the marathon. The non-negotiables might be something like. Non-negotiables are four times a week training, and that can be Monday, tuesday, friday and Saturday, and so they're dedicated times that you've put in.

Speaker 1:

So, keeping it pretty simple, that's kind of how we suggest that you frame your goals and also your non-negotiables yeah, I think, um, it's important to kind of share maybe our sort of non-negotiables of what we do to help us to stay grounded, help us to have that vibrancy in life. And I wrote mine the other day after a mentor kind of inspired me to do this as well. So hopefully this is getting inspired for you. But my non-negotiables are really simple. It's nothing too complicated.

Speaker 1:

Mine are I meditate every day for a minimum of 10 minutes. I'm in the gym two mornings a week. I'm at the beach two mornings a week. I have turned my phones off at 7 pm and my phone off at 7 pm and my phone off at 7 pm, and then the other one was I'm in bed by 9 pm. So those sorts of things, my non-negotiables, will help me to ensure that I'm at my best by good sleep, exercise, no screens at night, all of those sorts of things that you know are good for you. But if you put them down on paper and you they when you share them with your partner, maybe they can also help support you as well.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so this is your non-negotiables, yeah my non-negotiables, um uh, have have a similar theme to them. So my non-negotiables are that I'm committing to going to jujitsu the minimum of once, and probably twice a week would be great. I've currently got a bit of a foot injury that I need to work on, so which leads into another one, which is to really just care for my body, you know, and to really listen to what's happening there. But the other non-negotiables for me are to commit to doing weights training twice a week on mondays and wednesdays. That's super important to me. I know now I'm over 40 and and I know that muscle mass reduces by two percent every year unless we actually actively do something about it. So to me this has become like a real, a real driver for me. So once again, my goal, you know, which is to increase my strength it can be translated down into my non-negotiables yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So hopefully you guys are getting that now, um, and if you don't have a big goal, just start with your non-negotiables. Start with the stuff that's important to you, that you know is going to bring you life force, energy and vibrancy, that like going to bed, like turning your phone off, all those simple things and and grab a piece of paper and a pen and write them down.

Speaker 2:

It could only be like maybe four or five, it doesn't need to be heaps, but, uh, I'd really encourage you to do that and then share them with your partner, or even ask him or them, um, to do that with you, so then you can actually keep accountability as well yeah, and it just brings me to one point, which is that often we come across couples where one is more growth oriented than the other and I think sometimes that can have the propensity to cause friction when one person is really willing the other person to come on the ride with them and remember, like I think I I really heard someone saying this the other day and it was it really hit home because we we experience and see this in our relationship work a lot is that you can.

Speaker 2:

You can't actually change somebody. They can only change themselves if they want to. You know, if it's only if they have the desire to change. So of course you can provide a healthy environment for them to perhaps really want to change. But for you to really like will it out of them and and like make them into a beast at fitness when they've never really been interested in it or done it before is futile. So remembering that the more that we try to really will our partner into just jumping into our side of things, it might actually cause more friction than good.

Speaker 1:

So just respecting that your path may be different to theirs and that's okay yeah, absolutely, and I think it's also okay to keep focused on what is important for you, you know, don't let them drag you back. If there is things that you're in, you're driven by or motivated by or like to do, then make sure you're continuing on that path for yourself as well.

Speaker 2:

Cool all right. So one thing that I I really did want to want to mention as well, just to as as one of the other reasons as to why this is super important has been for me is the discipline and integrity, because when I witness myself sinking into discipline and I'll not necessarily even look at the results, but I just feel like I'm sticking to something then that translates to integrity for me, it translates to self-respect and stability, and I'm kind of thinking that when you see those attributes in me, that that might be helpful for you to feel secure. Is that right?

Speaker 1:

yeah, and it's also attractive, right, like if it's that secure and that safety. But it's also like that attractiveness, like seeing your man do something that he said he will do. It's definitely more attractive than than someone that's oh yeah, you said that be never going to do it, and that builds trust. You know as well, it's like there's little intricate parts of our relationship that you don't think it makes a difference. But those sorts of things, do right, builds trust, builds security, builds safety and it's um, yeah, it's, it's healthy for the relationship yeah, it's big and it's.

Speaker 2:

It's again, it's the unconscious mind and and how it's constantly scanning for safety. Every four seconds our unconscious mind scans for safety and you think, like in relationship this is a prominent thing, especially for women. They need security and safety and if they don't really, if they have maybe a man who's flailing around, who doesn't really not really anchored into anything for himself, then she's going to see him as being someone who she can't really trust at a deep unconscious level. So it's not to say that you need to have goals, but if you have some sort of focus and an idea of where you're heading, then that's what we're talking about you know, the goals are just a a process.

Speaker 2:

Okay, so just remembering that's just a process. The intention is what counts, it's the where am I propelling our family towards? Where, like what's? What's my focus over the next year? And I think, when we can see that and we understand and we can visualize that, that our energy changes 100 yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

It leads to more satisfaction. The relationship to yeah you've got somewhere to you're heading.

Speaker 1:

It's not just, uh, the the mundane day-to-day, day in, day out, sort of routine yeah, the other thing that I think is important, that is, a benefit from setting some sort of goals or non-negotiables in the relationship space is it actually really helps to reduce the burnout, like we mentioned earlier in Michael's case, when he didn't have anything like that at the beginning. You know what eight years ago, ten years ago, it did create that lack of energy and that lack of um vibrancy in yourself. So therefore it didn't it impacted the burnout, the, the um, the amount of burnout. I suppose you could, you could say, because if you are fulfilling yourself and filling your own cup and doing things that you love to do, that really does help to bring up your energy and it helps to balance out.

Speaker 2:

If you aren't doing those things, then it knocks your energy down.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly that's if you are setting yourself some goals and doing those things, it will lift you up it will bring you that energy and that life force which can prevent that burnout and that that kind of resentment that you know you look outside and you're the victim you know, everybody else is doing these things and I'm just here and I don't have much of a life or whatever your thought pattern is.

Speaker 2:

So, yeah, I think that little things like setting goals or doing some non-negotiables can really impact, um, that, that area of your life as well beautiful and look, if your goal is to actually enhance your relationship this year and and maybe it's just to get a bit better in terms of your connection, um, maybe not just even with your partner, but with um, with yourself and maybe with other like-minded people then then I'd love to hear from you. Um, send us a message, because we're really crafting together some amazing programs, packages, offerings that's going to help people to connect more to those those parts of our lives, because for us, like, yes, we're relationship coaches, but relationships encompass all sorts of things. Right like, I'm definitely stepping more into men's work and and once again, I have done that in the past but needed a year to really reflect on that so I'm going to be offering something really exciting Looks like it's going to be in February. It's going to be super, super affordable and really accessible for all men. That's going to help to have a community where there's a radical level of acceptance for each other's truth and where you're sitting right now.

Speaker 2:

I kind of feel like that's needed for men, like a brotherhood where they can actually trust what they say is actually going to land. And then not only that, we're looking at solutions-based approaches as well, of course, within the relationship space. Amy and I are really excited about what we're offering this year, and that's anything from really really low ticket kind of offerings to obviously just working with us two on two if you guys need some healing, because that's really what we're currently on this earth to do, and I really believe that. So if you're feeling stuck and you wanna make some shifts, make sure you reach out, because we'd love to hear from you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, thanks so much again for your support and always listening. If you think this episode's helpful, maybe just share it with a friend or your partner so they can also listen and hopefully get some benefits as well.

Speaker 2:

All right, guys, we'll catch you on the next podcast. Thank you.