Thrive Again - Your relationship podcast

The Four Hidden Reasons Women Walk Away and How to Become the Man She Can’t Resist

• Michael & Amy

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The moment your partner announces they're unhappy—or worse, that they want to leave—can feel like the ground has disappeared beneath your feet. But what if these "sudden" announcements aren't sudden at all?

In this deeply insightful episode, relationship coach Michael unpacks the four hidden reasons women walk away from men, often leaving them shocked and confused. Drawing from years of experience working with couples in crisis, Michael explains how men frequently develop blind spots while focused on providing and protecting, missing crucial signals that the relationship is deteriorating.

We explore how the lack of emotional safety creates disconnection when men jump to problem-solving instead of simply listening to understand. You'll discover why small breaches of trust—the "micro-cuts" like being 30 minutes late or forgetting promises—accumulate silently until the distance becomes insurmountable. We also discuss the modern crisis of masculine leadership, where passive patterns and resistance to growth create stagnation that drives partners to seek aliveness elsewhere.

Most powerfully, Michael shares practical, actionable steps any man can take to strengthen their relationship today, including a simple 5-10 minute daily check-in practice that transforms connection. This episode offers both urgent warning signs for relationships in trouble and proactive measures for those wanting to build unbreakable bonds.

Whether you're currently experiencing relationship challenges or simply want to safeguard your connection, these insights will help you become the partner your loved one can't walk away from. Listen now and start building the emotional awareness that creates lasting love.

Thankyou for listening, if you liked it, please remember to subscribe.

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Speaker 1:

1, 2, 3, 4 couples and singles who want to unlock their relationship potential and reconnect on a deeper, more meaningful soul level. We share insights, client breakthroughs and personal stories to help move your relationship from surviving to thriving.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to another episode of Thrive Again, your Relationship Podcast. We're here together today to run another episode with you and, um, yeah, just really going to drop into a topic that really feels alive in me for now, and that's why we're we're inspired to drop into this. I've been approached by a lot of men who seem to be surprised and it's almost like the world has just disappeared from underneath them because their partner, their wife, has just said to them and dropped the bombshell, that hey, I'm not happy right now, this relationship I'm not happy. And there's almost like this visceral announcement to them and maybe that can go to the next level, which is I need to leave or I need space right now, and that can be super hard for a man to hear, especially if it involves surprise yeah, absolutely, it's a, it's a big one.

Speaker 1:

I think, um, you know, we work with relationships, with couples, in couples, in this type of situation, and it can be a shock, you know, to a lot of men. So yeah, so tell me, I guess, a little bit more about what it is that you see as some of the reasons, I guess that men can be surprised if their partner walks away.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, look, the main reason is because a man often, and a woman, but a man in this case, finds it hard when he's involved in the doingness of life right, which is you know going to his job, doing his, his work, being of purpose, being a man who's a provider and a protector.

Speaker 2:

But it's almost like there's blinkers on to the other areas that are potentially being neglected from the feminine point of view.

Speaker 2:

Because a man and the way that he's made up is it's kind of, it involves structure, it involves clarity, it involves direction, and if we're on a one-way track and we're going somewhere, the peripheral vision of what, the collateral damage of that is happening, is sometimes hindered. So the man can't actually really see the shadows that are playing out here in in his life. For example, from a simplicity point of view, often men generalizing here, they overwork themselves, they place a focus on work, which is great, like I mean. It gives him purpose, gives him a sense of direction, it provides, it brings the income in which then his family should be happy. But there's a shadow side of this, which is that often there's a shadow side of this, which is that often there's a lack of presence with her and understanding her world. So the the big piece to this is that it's the things that we don't see and we don't know that is really important here that I want to bring to light today yeah, it sounds to me.

Speaker 1:

It's like a likeency the men can get dropped into this place of complacency and I shall always be there. I can just do my thing, and surely she'll be happy with just the income coming in and me turning up as I do without, I guess, that little bit of extra effort or support. So, yeah, it sounds. I guess the word complacency comes to mind when you're here, when I hearing that yeah, cool.

Speaker 2:

and and also the um, yeah, what? What I'm, what I'm also seeing is that when we get together, sometimes especially if it's before kids we have a plan and let's just say, our plan is to buy a block of land, to get a house, and when we do have kids, you can be a stay-at-home mom for the first two years and that's our plan. And what if that plan's actually playing out? But the experience itself is really disruptive for her and it's really she's really surprisingly dealing with all sorts of emotional stressors that she had no idea that she would envisage. Well, he's still going to be saying well, this was the plan, this is what you wanted, this is what we wanted. I don't get it. Why can't you be happy?

Speaker 2:

So, these are the traps.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely. I'm curious, like I'd like to know, from a man's perspective and, I guess, a relationship coach, from your perspective, what are some of the big reasons that women break up with men. What do you see?

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So I'm actually going to outline the top four big reasons in this podcast so you guys can actually do an assessment. Whether you're a man or a woman, you can really see whether this applies to you in your relationship. So the first big one is a lack of emotional safety and connection. So when we talk about emotional safety, that is, holding a space where she can actually feel like she's seen, heard and understood, and I know that we can maybe say that, oh look, I think I generally do that and I actually thought that I did that as well. Um, I thought that I was actually quite in tune with understanding um, women and you and and what's going on for you.

Speaker 2:

But what happens is, for a lot of men, we actually find that what she's expressing in her experience, if it's in direct um disagreeance or in direct conflict to the way that you're thinking, then sometimes there is an inner urge for you to change the narrative or to fix it. So, for example, if you're saying that I know you're really not happy right now and things are really sad for you because you're just struggling at the moment with the overwhelm of work and you're feeling the pressure of that and you haven't really been able to go out and see your friends or relax. Well, for me, I often would have just jumped straight into. Well, why don't you just go and hang out with your friends? Why don't you just go and have a bath or do what you need to do? And the man is wired to fix the problem.

Speaker 2:

But the issue with this is that we've missed a couple of key components. Firstly, we're listening to respond. We're not listening to really understand, and that was a massive learning for me. So listening to understand would be actually mirroring back what you've said. Oh, I hear you're really sad right now with all of that going on Sounds really hard, and what that does is that helps her to see that I'm in her world. I'm I'm in her world and I'm feeling the feelings right now with her. So that is the part that often is is missed, and so her ability to move forward and actually ask for help or speak about her emotional problems. It gets shut down because it knows she knows now that she can't trust that the space is going to be held for her yeah, because of the problem, because the problem solving, because you're automatically jumping into that fix it mode as opposed to the listening.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah and I know, with conversations with us in the last couple of days, like there has been no need for me to fix some of the things that you've brought up with me. There's been a need for me to sit and listen with you and sit with you in that without the advice.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, it can be really murky and it can be really disruptive for her if, as a man, you're just jumping straight into trying to solve the problem because it's uncomfortable for you to see her uncomfortable yeah, but the problem is is that, yeah, it just completely shuts you down, because the woman down, because she doesn't want to go back to expressing or sharing her feelings or our thoughts, because they're not ever heard, because it just feels like you're just solving the problem.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and it's like this emotional starvation that you experience, right, and then it's like, well, from here then I'm just going to experience loneliness in this relationship.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I'll isolate myself and just get more and more distance, because it seems like I can't go to you and that safe space to be able to feel heard, yeah, and seen. Yeah, yeah, go to you and that safe space to be able to, to feel heard, yeah and seen.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that is definitely like. I was just curious to ask you and we'll go into some more of these big reasons um, why you feel that women walk away from men, or you see, in your work, but, um, I definitely agree with that number one. You know so far. I think that that's, um, yeah, a sure reason why women will end up just getting further and further distant, distant distance, and then they'll get to this point where they're like no, I can't tolerate this anymore, and, and, um, they'll walk away yeah, yeah all right.

Speaker 1:

What's the next one? What's the next reason that you've come up with?

Speaker 2:

erosion of trust. Yeah, so this is, statistically speaking, this is a massive one, and the trust piece comes in when there's been broken promises, when there's been dishonesty. And I'm talking about even the small things. It's the micro cuts. They're actually just as damaging as the massive, obvious ones. Because over time, what happens is these little cuts, they create distance because, viscerally, because women are feeling beings, they add these up unconsciously in their mind and those cuts equal distance that she's going to create physically and emotionally and sexually with a man, because the erosion of trust is true and there can only be a reversal of that if he completely changes his own value system or his own accountability or his own integrity, and so that's a big one. Another part of this is inconsistency. So if she's witnessing inconsistencies in him, as in his words don't meet his actions, then then again that's going to lead to an erosion of trust which is then going to bridge the gap.

Speaker 2:

She's not going to feel like she wants to connect with him physically, which is, in fact, the very thing that he needs to feel connected and loved, and so the the the drift um becomes really prominent at this point, to the point where he might actually start to get really frustrated. And that's when things get a little bit shaky, because that's often when they come and get help. When he's sexually frustrated, he's not getting the things that he needs met. But there's been a brushing over of the micro cuts that have happened, that have eroded trust yeah, absolutely, and I think you hit the nail on the head.

Speaker 1:

Like women us we're emotional beings. We can sense things and feel things and you know we use our intuition a lot, so it doesn't have to be so black and white. There's this whole gray area with us women and that's the confusing part for men, and I see that. You know, what men generally don't see is that, like when he says, oh yeah, I'll be home at five, but he doesn't get home till 5 30, that's a breach of trust. It's a. You know you're not feeling that you can trust that guy because he hasn't said, hasn't done, what he said he would do. There's no integrity there, right, and that creates this little hesitation. It's like a instinct. It's like a you know, we're animal instinct. We're like oh, I don't know if I feel like I can really open up to you, so I'll create this little tiny.

Speaker 1:

Like you said, cut you know between us, or this wedge between us, and then, yeah, if you've done that in different ways over time, even I'll take the rubbish out you forget to take the rubbish out and you're like there's another thing he said he would do and he didn't do. That's a breach of trust. So all of those things, even though they seem so, um, insignificant, they're actually very significant for a woman, you know, because we see all of those things and and not by choice, I think it's more of an unconscious, primal, you know, awareness that we have whether or not we're going to be able to trust this guy or not.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I love how you said that that's actually a big thing for women. But for us, like sometimes, what we can do in the dark side of the masculine is to really just say something like oh, you make such a big deal out of something so small, right? So there's the dismissal again, that's the emotional lack of safety and um, and yeah, so it's, it's very true yeah, let's.

Speaker 1:

Let's move on to the third reason. That, oh, by the way, I definitely agree with that.

Speaker 1:

I'm just I'm actually going through your list and I'm like, oh, I wonder if that's true, that because, um, just for the listeners perspective, michael perspective, michael's put this together and he's going to share and talk on this soon and we'll share some more information on that in a moment. But I was always curious. I'm like, oh so what have you come up with? And I was just tuning in through this episode to see if actually, yeah, that is true, but so far you're on the mark, so let's go to the next one.

Speaker 2:

All right. Well, the third one is weak leadership. Weak leadership and being without masculine presence. Yeah, so what I'm speaking into here is really alive for me right now, because there have been many times in my relationship with you where I've lacked emotional sorry, I've lacked weak um, I've lacked leadership, and there's been a weakness around that.

Speaker 2:

So, as a man who is embodied in a healthy masculine frame, um, he is. He inserts himself without being domineering, right. Right, there's not like a domination element to it or an overpowering, demeaning kind of way in which he inserts himself, but he's actually. He has aim, he has direction, he has purpose, he leads. That's leadership. And so, instead, like weak leadership, looks like being passive, using the environment or the external view of of his immediate environment as a reference point as to now how he should turn up. Right, things aren't happy over here. How can I please you more? How can I, kind of um, be a better person for you right now? And that, to me, is not leadership, that's following, that's following our external reality and then conforming to whatever is demanded of that moment. So the insertion of the masculine is it's about sensing that I'm going to be bold enough here to make a decision, to be confident, to back myself and to lead the family or to lead my partner in a direction that is one that I believe in.

Speaker 2:

And, yeah, that takes courage right. Because what if you get it wrong? What if she doesn't like it? What if it's like a sexual advance, right, and you get rejected Like? These are risks, and so a healthy man who's in his masculine takes risks right. There are risks involved and that's the scary part of it, especially if you're starting to practice this. And we spoke about integrity before and how you said hey, if a man says, if he're starting to practice this and we spoke about integrity before and how you said hey, if a man says, um, if he's going to be home at five, then and he's home at 5, 30 like that's lacking integrity. What's really important for leading is for that man to own his part in that, to take accountability. So if he's out of integrity, can he own it? Because a lot of men will not own it. They'll turn to defensiveness. Oh, you make a big deal out of that, right.

Speaker 2:

That then signals to her that he can't be relied on yeah that he's a little boy still, and so that's the the weak leadership that I'm speaking about well, well, this is a big one.

Speaker 1:

I think this area definitely, and it's particularly, I guess I'm speaking for our relationship, but we see it in others that we work with. But I'm curious to know, like, what are some of the reasons that you can see this is an issue for men, particularly these days? Or, yeah, why is it challenging for men to be in their masculine leadership?

Speaker 2:

um. One of the reasons is because women have learned to become equal and with that feeling of equality or that desire to be in control and, to you know, have a high-paying job and to be moving into this focused direction which has masculine attributes to it, he might find that that can be overbearing or controlling, and then he will adhere to that. He'll actually conform himself to that. Another reason is also his upbringing and his upbringing. If he lacked masculine, healthy leadership as he was growing up, then how the hell is he going to model it? How can, how does he know what's a good reference point?

Speaker 2:

We don't get taught this stuff at school, like most of the teachers that that I remember were probably out of integrity and probably had no accountability, and if I called them out on stuff they probably would get defensive. So for me, if I'm looking outward at what I would what society may call leaders, then often I look out and I don't see much there. So it's hard like. So what I would really say? If you don't have a role model or anyone that you can model off, find them all right. Find them, and there will be one person that sits in your memory, whether that's an uncle when you were growing up, whether that's just a friend that you had, that maybe you're not connected to anymore, maybe it's someone you've never met before. But you listen to their podcasts. If you can see and you'll sense it someone who's in integrity, has accountability, has compassion, has all of those the wide range of the spectrum of of healthy masculine leadership then hang around them, listen to them and you'll start to really see what it takes to own that aspect of you and I do want to say that it's something that can be learned, because you, you've, you've definitely learned it, you know, like it wasn't something that was natural to you or you had a good role model

Speaker 1:

you know you didn't have any of those sorts of things. So, yeah, it's a process, um, but it's also able. You're able to actually change and learn that if yeah, if you're a man listening- yeah and um, I'm at the moment currently helping with another man, kyle.

Speaker 2:

We're working together in a really, really amazing, powerful group at the moment called the Inner Sanctum, and the Inner Sanctum is a closed group of men who are interested in growing in this exact area, and it's so potent and powerful. Right now, everyone is enjoying the depths that we're going to. Yeah, and it's fun as well. It's something that's quite liberating because we can see the effects immediately in our own lives. So, yeah, I love playing in this area.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's so important, I think, for our future, our future generations, the relationships as well, the model that we've been working off, I think, well, yeah, that work is so important. So, yeah, I love seeing that. Well done, all right. Should we move to the last one? Yeah, so tell us what's the last reason that women walk away from men?

Speaker 2:

Stagnation, yeah. So just lacking that aliveness, she no longer feels inspired. The inspiration has waned. It's kind of like the rat race of living and he stops evolving, he loses his ambition, he's just running through the motions and maybe there's even a resistance to growth or change, because there's some comfort in that and there's also some addictive processes in that too, just to cope. But either way, there's a zoning out and a dismissal of the fact that we're stagnating right now and as part of that, the relationship also feels flat. There's a, there's an element of predictability to the relationship. There's no excitement, or there's there's no zest or energy or uncertainty in a healthy way within the relationship. Right, because sometimes uncertainty is actually the very thing that's needed in a relationship, as long as it's housed in the container of safety. So uncertainty it might involve challenging each other in different ways so you can find out more. It might be spontaneity and taking your partner out for a random date without them even knowing about it.

Speaker 1:

It could be just disappearing away from the kids and just dedicating time for us and just inserting yourself into the stagnation and exploding that shit up yeah, I think that's, um, that's part of the leadership too, right, what comes to mind like the man needs to lead in that, because I guess, like reflecting on on our relationship, for for some period of time it did feel like that, but I noticed what I did is actually just kind of went and did my own thing, and I see this in lots of other couples too, even friends, you know that one one of you.

Speaker 1:

Well, I often see, I guess, because I'm in the circle of women, the women just go and like I'm not putting up with that anymore. I'll just go and find my excitement and my, you know, fun outside of the relationship, like with friends or with your own personal interests or, um, you know things that light you up. And if you want to, you know, if you want to well wellow in that or wallow in that, you can sit at home and and stagnate, you know, but that's what causes even more separation and more distance in the relationship for sure.

Speaker 2:

So and the wider it gets, the more chance that she finds excitement in another man.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly yeah, or just decides that she doesn't need you anymore, like life's easier without it, so why hold on to it?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's a very good reason. I like it. So then, I would love it if you could maybe speak in or share with the listeners. What are some ways? If, um, you know, the men are out there listening and they're like I need to make some changes here, I want to make be better, what are some things that they could do to help the relationship?

Speaker 2:

number one thing you can do is make sure that she is seen, felt and heard in some way, and the best way that I've found to really help this process is to insert yourself in to presence with her. And the way in which we can structure this because, as a man, we love structure is to have a relationship check-in daily, and a relationship check-in looks like five to 10 minutes of dedicated time just for the two of you to ask a couple of questions, check in on emotions and feelings and take any action steps that need to happen from there. So a question that you might ask is what's the emotion that you're feeling right now? So it could be just something simple. It could be like hey, I'm feeling really tired or I'm feeling really frustrated, yeah, and what that does is that helps for, firstly, for me to get a reference of how you are, how you're feeling, but, importantly, it also helps her to really speak up about what's happening for her on the internal world, because we only get to see the external. I hang out with you all day, every day, but I still won't know what's truly happening on the inside unless I do this relationship checking with you.

Speaker 2:

So checking on the feelings another question that you might ask is um, what's, what's something that really lit you up today? What was something that was really really exciting, exciting or fun or interesting for you today? And maybe another question could be hey, what's, what was the biggest challenge that you experienced today? And the third question, which I think is the most potent, is how do we, how does it feel to you, us as a couple, right now? Because what that does is that hones in on the relationship space, the bubble that exists, the space between you and I. How does it feel for you right now? And that gives an opportunity to opportunity for each to speak up about. Oh, I'm feeling really distant, or I'm feeling your spikes at the moment and I can't really get near you. It's like you're repelling me or something. And this isn't like to start up an argument or get a fight going. It's more just to get understanding. And what you'll find is, as a man, if you really initiate this, then she's going to likely get understanding. And what you'll find is, as a man, if you really initiate this, then she's going to likely really love it, because you're placing presence with her, you're helping her also to be seen, felt and understood, and that's really often what's missing beautiful.

Speaker 1:

I think they're really important key there for any of the men as well, that it's with presence, you know, and being um very conscious of whether or not you're getting defensive, you know, like if the woman shares. Actually I'm really frustrated because you know I'm I'm feeling tired and exhausted. I feel like I'm doing everything or whatever unsupported yeah.

Speaker 2:

And then the man's like yeah. The man's like well, I've been doing this over here, haven't you noticed? And then it can turn into a.

Speaker 1:

So there's a little bit more depth in those check-ins for both of you, I suppose in how that's delivered, but it's also how it's received. So I think that's important to remind yourself. If you're getting defensive, just be as present and stay with her as much as you can, just remembering this is her reality and she's not projecting it onto you, but this is just what she's feeling. Yep, yeah, is that it?

Speaker 2:

Well, that's it, but I want to just invite the listeners to something that I'm offering, and really it's a webinar that I'm running over two nights, so it's going to be two hours worth of powerful, um packed content, and the title of it is become the man she can't walk away from, and I put this together because I had so many men reaching out that were in this element of surprise that, hey, I thought I was going to write and apparently she's not happy, or maybe she should left me and I'm left wondering.

Speaker 2:

And so what this does is it stops the guesswork, it helps you to start leading and you can build an unbreakable connection. And I'm not going to go into too much of the details, other than it's on the 24th and 26th of March, and if you're listening to this after that date, that's okay. If you want a copy of that, make sure you send us an email, amy, at michael and amycomau, or you can reach us on our instagram, which is thrive again podcast, and we will get back to you with that, because I think that this is going to be really, really powerful for men who actually don't understand the shadow, the shadows that are there, that he can't see because he's got his blinkers on and so I help you to kind of take the blinkers off. Let's just look in our peripherals and let's just see where we can improve.

Speaker 1:

Beautiful. Yeah, and even if you're not in that space at the moment in your relationship, this will be really helpful for you to learn. Just in case, it's like a bit of a safeguard.

Speaker 2:

So it's like a bit of a safeguard, so it's it's available for all men and I think it'll be really, really powerful session. Thank you very much. All right, thanks, listeners. Um, really enjoy. Um, you know some of the comments we're getting about this podcast. That's really powerful. We want to keep delivering it. This is episode number 51, um, so we are just continuing to power on. We love doing these and love serving all of you, all of the community yeah, thanks so much listeners.