SEG 2 of 3 - Parenting - Embracing Parenthood: Navigating the Decision to Nurture a New Life
Feb 13, 2024
Let's Chat with Will & Tony
When the profound urge to nurture a new soul collides with the stark realities of financial and emotional responsibility, the decision to become a parent looms large. We've all been there, at that fork in the road, where the heart's longing meets the mind's caution, and it's no small matter to sort through. That's why, together with our insightful guests Chath, Will, and Tony, we venture into the heartfelt conversation about the journey of contemplating parenthood. We shed light on the multitude of aspects that come into play – from filling voids to selflessly guiding the next generation – and share our own stories of laughter, reflection, and the rewards of parenting and grandparenting that often outweigh the challenges.
In our latest episode, we don't just skim the surface of a topic as complex as deciding to become a parent. Instead, we go beyond the predictable pros and cons, inviting our listeners to join us and our guests in a deeper dialogue that examines the essence of readiness for children. Our candid discussion peels back the layers of fear and hesitation, offering up our own experiences and vulnerabilities as a compass through the unpredictable rollercoaster of parenting. Whether you're on the fence or just looking for different perspectives, our conversation promises to be an honest, no-holds-barred exploration of one of life's most significant crossroads.
When the profound urge to nurture a new soul collides with the stark realities of financial and emotional responsibility, the decision to become a parent looms large. We've all been there, at that fork in the road, where the heart's longing meets the mind's caution, and it's no small matter to sort through. That's why, together with our insightful guests Chath, Will, and Tony, we venture into the heartfelt conversation about the journey of contemplating parenthood. We shed light on the multitude of aspects that come into play – from filling voids to selflessly guiding the next generation – and share our own stories of laughter, reflection, and the rewards of parenting and grandparenting that often outweigh the challenges.
In our latest episode, we don't just skim the surface of a topic as complex as deciding to become a parent. Instead, we go beyond the predictable pros and cons, inviting our listeners to join us and our guests in a deeper dialogue that examines the essence of readiness for children. Our candid discussion peels back the layers of fear and hesitation, offering up our own experiences and vulnerabilities as a compass through the unpredictable rollercoaster of parenting. Whether you're on the fence or just looking for different perspectives, our conversation promises to be an honest, no-holds-barred exploration of one of life's most significant crossroads.
Now here's will kesley and Tony back. I look back to show will Kesley, my good buddy, tony Heck. Here we are, as known as the toner.
Speaker 2:
Do you have a nickname? We called like, like. Like Tony's my nickname my real name's Anthony, that's my real name to my million we?
Speaker 1:
do we ever know that? I think so because I say people call me Tony just not to call me Anthony, just to be weird, cause I was a William Anthony, I'm a Anthony Addison. Wow, I didn't know we were the same. They were brothers from another mother's.
Speaker 2:
I have like three nieces that are named Addison, but that's it. Addison has become a universally.
Speaker 1:
So toner is not a name you get called like now. I was always called tone.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, tony's Tony, tony, tone some of you cut all the kids around the whole. If I call me Tony, I always got called Kes or Kes man yeah, it is called Peck a lot, never William.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, when I got called Williams when I was in trouble, did you ever get called Bill? Oh yeah, but only by people that were like no, yeah, yeah, they're night 90. Hey, billy, you little Billy, come over here, billy, and I'd be like shut up I always know when anybody gets on the phone and say is Anthony there?
Speaker 2:
it's not you.
Speaker 1:
It's somebody who doesn't know me. I get that because my name looks like Kessel, but it's pronounced Kessley and some people call it like as will Kezzle there. Oh no, he passed away here's. Oh, we're so sorry. Yeah, you won't need to call back.
Speaker 2:
Bye, bye, yeah it's funny that you find out. It's the.
Speaker 1:
It's the president, states he just had your name wrong.
Speaker 2:
There's two random kids in high school called me Anthony, and those are the ones ever. Well, kate, anthony, there you go.
Speaker 1:
I'm gonna call you Anthony oh Anthony who let's talk about.
Speaker 1:
So we let's listen to, said yo tones, yo kes man. They didn't say that, said well, tony, so we're thinking of having kids. There's something we ought to be thinking about before we do this, because we got people that are saying to us just people at work are telling me, don't even have kids, they are a nightmare. And then I have other people like oh, is it crazy? It never happened to me. She was what are we missing? What's missing tones? Should they or should they not have children? Give me the answer.
Speaker 2:
I can't her name is Charlene, so Charlene, this is for you.
Speaker 1:
Here's your answer. Tones gonna give it to you.
Speaker 2:
Here's my answer first off, yeah, kids, I think, are the most amazing thing ever now I had had more kids.
Speaker 1:
I had five, you have five, I have five. So I had more kids. If I knew that grandkids are gonna be so cool, I'm like honey, can we have a few more kids? We have more grandkids. Yeah, there you go. Okay, sorry, interrupted you.
Speaker 2:
Good, no, I was saying that it's along those lines of you know whether you're not, you're ready to have kids. I don't think you're ever ready to have kids, but kids are a commitment for sure. Yeah, and you want to go in an eyes wide open, yep, but you also want to make sure that you don't scare yourself off, because if you talk about all of the crazy things that go on with having kids to this point, we, we, tony and I, pulled up some show prep before the show.
Speaker 1:
Let's see what the world says about having children. Yeah, just for a second. And we talk about scaring people off, like we picked one from MSNBC. Oh, bless them. But they're just weird where the people there they get into all the stuff like do you have the financial support for this? Your child would cost you over $300,000 over the life of the child. That was the number you finances, that was the number one concern they had. And do you have the funding for them to go to college? And I'm like, okay, stop right there, I'm already done with you.
Speaker 2:
Maternity leave and paternity, yeah, and how much? How much leave you?
Speaker 1:
here. Let me make one month so, charlene, the number one thing about having children and there's we're going to several things I mean mental health, your ability to take care of them, the willingness to be a parent yeah your commitment to the fact that, that, that you will be a parent for a long time.
Speaker 1:
These things are all critically, critically important. You don't have children because, like, well, I'm lonely and I just want somebody to love me. That's not a good. Yeah, go get a fish, not, yeah, right, get a small puppy. They, they, they, they poop less. So did I just say that on the radio? I think so I did. We went there. Can I repeat that? I think the first thing I want to say, though, is that it's a selfless thing. Yeah, having children, adopting children, is selfless. You can't, you can't, you shouldn't have children and think it's about you see, and I think we've got to choose to want to be a good provider and support system and trainer and developer of children and to make society better because of this.
Speaker 1:
But it will never be because you get convenience out of having children.
Speaker 2:
There's no convenience in that, you know well, even even that statement you said there just feel so clinical to me. You know, whenever I think about my kids and having kids, there wasn't clinical, it wasn't all this, well, you need to, you know this and that and so much, and it was about. It was all about I wanted to expand the love I had and I expand my family.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, you know, an expansion of did you feel guilty Like you had to, because your parents were like hey, when we get the grandkids, because that's part of this problem, some people have children, because, well, I'm getting to that point and we probably need to have them for gonna have them and yeah, I go, but that's that's poor motive, right?
Speaker 2:
If you're having, if you're off to have kids just because your parents want you to have kids, it's like you need to check your six. Yeah, because having kids shouldn't be a.
Speaker 1:
Somebody wants you else to have kids.
Speaker 2:
It's like no, if you want to have kids, go have kids. If you, if you don't want to have kids and your parents are trying to tell you, have kids, well then you probably need to check what you're motivated.
Speaker 1:
So many of us who've had children and we look I look back to my own motivations of we, my wife and I, were just excited to build a Family and to do family and to be a fan. I mean it was kind of the whole thing. We understood that there was a financial obligation. We understood that there was an emotional obligation. We understood there was a spiritual obligation. We understood there was a time obligation. That wasn't a surprise to me. So this, like this list coming out of MSNBC was just like this is just odd the 13 reasons you ought to check off before you even think about having children.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and, and that's why I say it's, I'm, I'm, very same way I'm. I always looked at it as this is gonna grow, my happiness, this is gonna be something where I can see it. And and me being a football coach I had this realization. So this is years ago, right when my first kid, he just got into football. I was coaching in, he loved it, and I was sitting there watching one of his games and I thought, man, this is way better than even when I played football. Yeah, and, and I had that realization that when you watch your kids succeed, when you watch your kid grow, when you what? And you see that connection, it's like a whole nother level, better than even when you did those things yourself.
Speaker 1:
I had to do more, growing as an individual, as a parent. It started with being a spouse. Yeah, without having the chance to be a spouse I would have, I would have probably developed to be a real loser, honestly. I mean because the experience of having a spouse and somebody that was healthy in that environment and helped you grow in that environment was super healthy in helping me develop who I am. Children just went another layer, because you can't really be fake with them because after a while they figured that out. Oh then You're either legitimate or you're just man.
Speaker 2:
Kids will smell out hypocrisy faster than anybody, right? I mean, when's the last time you'd talk to a little kid and they look up at you and go hey, you're kind of fat.
Speaker 1:
You're like yes, I am yeah, and you've got a funny hairdo kid, I bet you.
Speaker 2:
You know they see the world different. But I think, going back to the point you were making about, you were talking about selflessness. It's the same thing in a relationship when you enter into a marriage relationship, that marriage bond, you can't go in it with selfish motives of I'm going into this marriage so that she gives me this and she gives me that yeah, and I deserve this and right.
Speaker 1:
We call that marriage for convenience. It's one of the reasons why living together rarely works out long-term. Yeah, because there's no commitment. Right, you've got it backwards. So if you're living with somebody right now and you're expecting that someday you're gonna get married, it just caution, you, you're gonna have to really, really, really think about this. It's most likely what's gonna happen if you're gonna threaten them with I'm leaving if you don't marry me, and they'll marry you, and then a year from now you'll be divorced. And that's just the odds. And if you say, well, if you don't live together, how do you get to know each other? Because marriage isn't about convenience. It becomes convenient if you have first commitment. It's about commitment, it's about making a commitment and focusing on that commitment to having a healthy relationship that grows and develops. And that work you put in is what makes it so amazing. If it's just convenient and becomes easy and simple, then, when it's no longer easy and simple, what do you do? You bail out, you bail.
Speaker 1:
I mean you don't want to be married to somebody that wants to be conveniently married to you, because it works and we just work. There's something bigger than this.
Speaker 2:
You're missing and you know there's gonna be the hard times, there's gonna be the challenges. And if it's all convenience, as soon as those challenges hit they're like oh, not convenient anymore, I'm out Right. And then versus the next level of love and compassion and connection you get when you work through that challenge.
Speaker 1:
Right, absolutely, it's that work that makes it so. Look anything in your life you've worked really hard at. Yeah, it's what makes it special, have you worked hard on your plane.
Speaker 2:
Absolutely how hard, 30 years hard, yeah.
Speaker 1:
And how special was that when you flew that thing for the first time, unbelievable, when I got it up and got in that sunset and the plane flew and it's a dream my whole life. But I had to learn patience. I had to learn long suffering. I had to learn to give it up when other things were more important. I had to. All these kind of things had to happen. I had to learn a lot.
Speaker 2:
And all of that is wrapped up in that plane, right? That's what made it special it's the exact same thing in a marriage. It's great. You put in the work, you put in the time, you put in the effort, you learn together and you get to the spot where it's just glorious yeah, get out of it being convenient, get into commitment. That's what kids can be.
Speaker 1:
And it'll work. We gotta take a quick break. We come back. We're gonna talk about in addition to this is the time to be a parent. How do you know when to be a parent? One of the questions we ask her is what do you wanna give your kids? And I leave that wide open what do you wanna give your kids? And that has a really interesting topic behind it. That is, what do you wanna give your kids? I have to think about that. Yeah, quick break, got a bottom of the hour news. We'll be back with us. Chath, will and Tony Talking about having kids. Should you, when, should you, and whether it's the right thing to do or not For everybody. Yeah, here we are. That's a dicey board, isn't it? That is a dicey board. All right, gotta take a quick break. We'll be back. This is Will and Tony on News Talk 107.9.
