Let's Chat with Will & Tony
Let's Chat with Will & Tony
LCWT - The Impact of Technology on Mental Health, Personal Relationships and Society
Technology: it’s a tool, a toy, a treasure trove, and to some, a tyrant. Ever noticed how a simple scroll through Pinterest can turn into hours lost? We're cutting down to the heart of these issues and more, offering you a comprehensive look at the indelible mark that technology has made on our society, our relationships, and our mental health.
In our discussion, we share personal anecdotes, hard-hitting facts, and invaluable insights into the world of technology. From the distressing reality of app addiction to the underbelly of data manipulation, we're pulling back the curtain on the digital age. We dive into the critical topic of mental health, exploring the surge of depression and suicide in the young, and the correlation with technology overuse. But it's not all doom and gloom, we'll also be sharing practical strategies on setting boundaries, making wiser choices, and transforming technology from a dopamine dispenser into a powerful tool that serves us.
Lastly, we delve into the impact of technology on our personal relationships and communication. The virtual world can be a double-edged sword; while it connects us, it can also isolate us, often leading to misunderstandings and miscommunications. As parents, it's our responsibility to guide our children through this digital labyrinth, and we'll be sharing our thoughts on setting rules and having those important conversations. So join us on this journey of exploration, reflection, and action, as we learn to navigate and thrive in the digital age. Don’t just listen, join the conversation.
Get out of your rut and into your groove.
Speaker 2:Let's chat with Will and Tony on News Talk 107.9. Now here's Will Kesley and. Tony Peck.
Speaker 1:Well, hello, well, hello, friend, I'm Will Kesley Ask my buddy, tony Peck.
Speaker 2:I'm here and we're ready to chat, ready to chat, had a fun week.
Speaker 1:How'd you week go Good? Oh yeah, my week went awesome. Learn anything good and crazy and wonderful that you could share with everybody.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, we were doing that discussion with the DOLTS channel.
Speaker 1:The DOLTS group.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was awesome. We were talking all about tech and that was crazy. You know what inspired me to go do?
Speaker 1:I went and watched that documentary on Netflix the Social Dilemma, also the dilemma yeah, that'll scare the behemoths out of you, won't it?
Speaker 2:It did. You know, I got in there and I was like no, it's nothing. I mean, I think it's important. I think we should chat about that today, because I was watching it. Tony and that show the founder of one of the founders of Pinterest Pinterest, one of the top programmers that you know designed Pinterest and how Pinterest work yeah, was on that, and he himself got addicted to Pinterest and had to delete his own app Something he created because he was getting so addicted.
Speaker 1:But is he willing to shut down the site? No, he likes the money.
Speaker 2:He refuses to let his kids get on any social media at all.
Speaker 1:By the way, I think most say that it was crazy, right, most of those designers. So the stuff. I'll say that now, don't they?
Speaker 2:Yeah, they said. The one designer said that they were. These are engineers refused to have it until like 18, their kids were 18. They wouldn't let them have it.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't let them have it then either. I think it's just disgust to society. Now here's the thing We've talked about tech. We get a lot of feedback on this topic. It is getting away. It's getting away from us. It's getting worse and worse. It's getting worse and worse. I agree, worse seeing all kinds. Let me just ask this question If you have an issue with your spouse and they're on tech all the time, you can't get them off. You probably have to listen to the show. If you got kids, grandkids, we need to visit because it's coming. This huge train wreck is coming, and if you don't start taking control of it now, wait 20 years from now, when all of their relationships are screwed up, all their jobs are screwed up, all of their abilities to find joy.
Speaker 2:That's serious, I'm not trying to be a catastrophist here.
Speaker 1:It's just what's happening.
Speaker 2:No, I think anybody who is out there walking around right now. Just take a look around a restaurant, take a look at a football game, even in a movie I was in a movie theater the other day and the movie I was in a movie and it got so boring I guess that people picked up their phone and were scrolling through YouTube videos right next to me, right, because the entertainment that was right in front of them that they paid for wasn't good enough. It blew my mind right. How this is taking over.
Speaker 1:So social dilemma. It's not the answer to all things, but it's an interesting documentary. If you don't have Netflix which I don't, by the way I dumped Netflix for their choices. They chose to put pornography and other things on their system that showed horrible things with children and said that that's free reign. And I said, well, so is my money, so I took it somewhere else.
Speaker 1:So I'm not going to advocate for getting Netflix to see the show at all. In fact, you go to YouTube and you can find parts of it on YouTube. In fact, I think someone's even posted the whole show on YouTube. Yeah, I'm sure it's out there. So why have I done that? I'm not trying to be, you know, crazy man with this kind of stuff. I'm trying to make decisions based on the evidence that says this is how the train is going. If I stay on that train, I'm going to end up where the train's going. And just because I feel like I'm living a little bit above, maybe, the rest of society in this area, I have to make some drastic change. We all need to make some drastic choices that say we're just not going there anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and one of the things I think in that is important is we learn how to manage the tool right. We live in a fabulous time, absolutely. I think of all the things you can do with tech. I'm researching like golf simulators now and all this crazy stuff you can do with the technology we have, and cell phones are one of the most amazing tools that have ever been created in the history of man. Right Yep, and they're not going away and you're going to have to learn how to?
Speaker 1:No, I should I think yeah, absolutely. I'm not condemning it.
Speaker 2:I'm not condemning social media, I'm just saying you got to use it, you got to know the risks and you got to learn to manage that the risks and keep it from destroying your entire ability to have risks.
Speaker 1:People saying we want to shut down bars. You don't have to shut down bars. If you don't agree with that concept, just teach whether it's good or bad for you. We don't have to shut down every movie that comes out. Just decide which ones are good for you and which ones aren't. The problem is, we're not making that decision anymore, we're just going through what. Well, here's this cool new thing, this cool new app. Yeah, this is cool new social media site.
Speaker 2:And we're not understanding what it's doing to our own brains Correct and how they're designed.
Speaker 1:So let's kind of get into that. Okay, in the first half of today's show we want to dig into technology a little bit. We're going to talk about some tips and some strategies in which to address it in your own home and to address it with yourself Most of all, and we're also going to feed you on some information that's coming.
Speaker 1:In fact, let me share this now with you Just to give you an idea and I think, tony, you showed it quite well for us. Please don't take away from the show. We're saying that the phone is evil. That's not what we're saying. What we're saying is these things are great tools.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, do you use it as a?
Speaker 1:tool, or are you letting the programmers use you as a tool?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's what that goes, and it goes into a lot of the studies out. There is when the phone starts selling you because that's what. That's what comes down to. Yep, all the big tech companies. They're selling you to the advertisers Every second you put on it every second you're on it.
Speaker 1:They're getting paid by something because they're picking up part of your stuff and you give away, by the way, most of your freedom and privacy and you're like, I don't care if people know what I do. Well, understand what they're doing with that. Now manipulate it to get you to be manipulated into doing things they can sell you for Absolutely. If you're okay with that, okay, but you'll start seeing you get targeted for all kinds of things. You walk into a store and it starts showing you that the guy down the street stories got cheaper stuff. How do they know that?
Speaker 2:No, it was interesting. We were at a wrestling tournament a while back and we were talking about a certain product just in a group Yep, phones weren't even out Yep, and a number of us started getting pop-ups Yep of that type of product and we're like what the heck? Yep this is crazy.
Speaker 1:Listen, listen, do it. You look at the Amazon things and stuff like they'll tell you that unless you say, hey, siri, it doesn't do anything. Oh, hey, alexa, it doesn't do it. I just said that. Now Just woke up. Everybody's Alexa yeah, it's not hearing anything. I got news for you. They're monitoring they.
Speaker 1:They need everything you say, cuz you'll say things with that thing off, like I was talking about some hearing stuff the other day and the next thing I know I'm picking up. I was even at my house. I don't have one. Yeah, I just don't need that tech of my life. Well, a Siri, turn on the TV. Really, I'll get up, walk over, turn on my TV, yeah it's not that big of a deal.
Speaker 1:But also next. I know I'm getting all these ads for hearing aids crazy, right like I don't have a hearing problem. Why oh, I remember this guy's house. We were talking about this. It picked up on it next day. I know it's tracking me.
Speaker 2:So I know there's something you you're always talking about and we talked about this weekend when we were doing that thing for the this adult the adult program you you always talk about, and this is where I really want to pivot with this topic, because this is where I think it comes down to it and I think what we just talked about it's a tool and use it as tool and it's important. But I Want to talk about what it does to us, what it does to our minds, and I think you give a really good, you give some really good advice there. And Because I don't think people recognize the risk right and they, they just think of it hey, what's the harm? I'm not looking at anything bad, but they're not recognizing what it's doing mentally to them.
Speaker 1:That's on. So there's so many of these. We'll try to get as many as we can. But as a clinical counselor again, I see this all the time. As a neuro therapist, I see this in brain wave activity and how it starts to change brain wave activity in that it produces the brain to produce different types of amplitudes and certain Wave formations in the brain and and to that point what we see is there are certain chemicals in your brain that make you happy. We got dopamine, oxytocin, neuroponephrine glutamate, some other things and that naturally in life you get those. You know. People say you'll feel better if you'll exercise. The reason is because your body produces natural dopamine when you do.
Speaker 1:Oh there you feel better about yourself and so when you do, it's like a little happy drug. Well, there's things in our life we do that create that and then you create oxytocin. Oxytocin is this chemical that that gives you joy and enrichment and you feel loving and you feel excited and it causes you to bond.
Speaker 2:So that's like when I go home and see my beautiful wife, oxytocin See to see we connect connection correct, correct.
Speaker 1:The problem today is is that a lot of these devices are producing that for you in small amounts throughout the day. So every time that like button goes off, you go. Ooh, how are we gonna? Oh, people like me zing off goes a little dopamine. Zing off goes a little dopamine. My phone just vibrated. Who wants me zing? Off goes a little dopamine. So when you feel nervous or bored, you kind of go where's my dopamine? You start hunting for dopamine.
Speaker 2:Okay. And then your brain says I know where I found it.
Speaker 1:I know I found it. Oh, I found it when I was watching porn the other night. So bam, you're back into porn and that's why you don't get off it, because it pumps a bunch of that stuff in your brain. When you get too much of that at a constant level, your brain will actually set a set point, just like it does me. Take Medication for years, it gets a separate. You gotta take more medication, right? That's why, if the addictions, they always have to go deeper and deeper and deeper. But once that set point gets to a level that's higher than life, you've just lost your ability to feel loved and joy.
Speaker 2:So now? So let me see it. Let me see if I'm understanding this. So what you're telling me is right now I go home and see my beautiful wife and I'm like boom oxytocin, I'm feeling happy, it's like she's amazing.
Speaker 1:And you're close to her and you give her a kiss and you hold each other. Those all create dopamine and oxytocin.
Speaker 2:But if I was to get into, you know, even just scrolling YouTube on shorts, on fails, and that's fun to my brain If I do that so long, pretty soon I'm looking at my wife and I'm like oh, whatever, and I'm right back to my phone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cause you get it more instantly and it's more gratifying.
Speaker 2:I think that's so.
Speaker 1:And so what you do is spend more time on your phone, and what happens? The guys on the other end of this are making more money. You're basically become a hoe, crazy, a hoe.
Speaker 2:That's short for a whore You're just being sold to the-. You're being sold and I think that's such-.
Speaker 1:And you do it voluntarily.
Speaker 2:Well, I think that's such a powerful concept that people are not understanding. Is you're thieving your future joy? Yes, by spending constant time and letting the tool use you.
Speaker 1:Yes, and-. Instead of you use the tool for your betterment, you're using it for their betterment and their money, and you sell your time that you could be doing lots of valuable things in your life for them to make money off you. If you're okay with that, hey, good luck to you.
Speaker 2:Well, I-.
Speaker 1:I happen to not-.
Speaker 2:No, and I'm the same way. I like going home. I like going and playing golf and getting excitement about I'm doing something active when I'm playing golf. I'd much rather be doing that than sitting on my phone for hours flipping through some videos and actually not getting any joy. Yep.
Speaker 1:Just and think about it. When you do it for a long period of time, you finally get to a place where it's like, no, yeah, you're just scrolling for scrolling sake you just find something you gotta go faster and faster through the picture, the movies, the reals and stuff.
Speaker 2:No, we all know how it's like. Right, that talent works. It's out there, right?
Speaker 1:Look, this is no different than the drugs we take that do the same thing to your brain.
Speaker 2:It's like taking a little Opiates heroin, cocaine. Sniff a cocaine every time you flip your phone on.
Speaker 1:And here's what's crazy we're putting these in front of our kids at two years old. The baby's at them.
Speaker 2:Oh man, we gotta talk about that coming up. Crazy, it's nuts.
Speaker 1:We've got steps to consider. Like, we're not trying to condemn you, we're just trying to help you. That's right. These are the facts. It's a beautiful tool. If you ever want to test it, here's the tip. The test is put it down for a couple of days and see how freaked out you get. Yeah, see if you get the shakes. Try it with your kids, watch them freak out and then call me back. We gotta take a quick break, tony. All right, let's do it. We gotta make some money. Yeah, we're not making any money, so anyway. So we'll be back. More on tech Also in the show today we want to talk about communication. We've got several emails in about things going on in families, about raising kids and how to address them and how to manage our anger. We're gonna talk about that in the second half of the show. I like it. All right, we're back in two. It's let's Chat with Will and Tony on News Talk 1079. Common.
Speaker 2:Sense. Advice for Life helping with self-awareness, family and relationships in a complex world.
Speaker 1:Now here's Will Kesley and Tony Peck. All right, welcome back to the show, Will Kesley. This is Tony Peck, Long lost friends.
Speaker 2:That's right, and we'd love to chat about these important issues. We used to play in the sandbox together with Tonka.
Speaker 1:Trucks yeah, a year ago.
Speaker 2:Don't tell him it's a year ago.
Speaker 1:You'll think we're weird, all right. Well, welcome back to the show. It's. Let's Chat with Will and Tony. By the way, you can catch us on your favorite podcast. Yeah, we're out there now, that's awesome. Got a handful of podcasts. Thanks for those that are supporting us on our podcast. You can also call into the show 607-414-Chat, or email us at willantony, let's chat.
Speaker 2:With willantonyatgmailcom. Yeah, it's a long email, but it's a good one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's chat with willantonyatgmailcom, and so, speaking of that, we went to the break. We got a couple of things that came in and we're gonna address this. We're talking about tech today. We're also gonna talk about communication with our kids and our spouses when it comes to things that can be harmful in the way we do it. Okay, right, because not all spouses agree with how to do it, and maybe we'll give you some guidelines today that give you a little something to work together on.
Speaker 2:How to come together.
Speaker 1:How to come together on it. Let's start with this. The first thing they've asked is to the show is tell me what your rules are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I like that because we've scared them Right, we've scared everybody else. Okay, your tech is what?
Speaker 1:What do you do there, mr Kessley? Well, I'll give you my top three. Okay, let's start with I got a top 10, but let's start with top three. Okay, top three, let me hear them Number one. Cell phones never go to bed and they get put in a basket by 6 pm. Love it. Now. You may wanna move that to 7 pm, that's fine. I wouldn't go further than 7 pm. The reason is many issues that get into your brain that you can't sleep. It messes with your rhythm of your brain.
Speaker 2:Yeah, especially. I mean, there's so many studies on blue light, blue light. On the.
Speaker 1:You know everything that's gonna you know feeding your brain TV, all the stuff, it's all blue light, and then everybody has sleep disorder and then you go without sleep and it's even worse. Grr, you got it so if we're not gonna deal with our sleep hygiene, then we get into other problems where we start desiring more things that you know we need caffeine, we need this, we need that or we need social media to jack us up.
Speaker 2:And I love how you said make it work for your family, don't get all crazy about it. I mean, we're just giving you ideas. Go try them, you may have to Help them.
Speaker 1:You may. Here's the thing you're gonna know when you put this in place Tonight to say kids, here's the deal, mom, dad, we've been Phones in the basket, phones are going in the basket, that's the charging basket. And they'll say things like what can I talk to my friends? I've got to do my home.
Speaker 2:Stop, life will go on yeah, see if you can handle it. See if the whole family gets the shakes, but right.
Speaker 1:If your kids can't sleep for the next three days, then you have a serious issue. You better start addressing.
Speaker 2:If you sit around and can't talk for three hours as a family because the phones aren't there, you can't get along and you have a problem.
Speaker 1:You know how to social interact with each, so good test.
Speaker 1:That's the test so they never go to bed and the reason they don't go to bed, in particular with children. But we're seeing with adults now Kids are getting on these things and then they start chatting in the middle of the night, etc, etc. I will just share with you very quickly an interesting thing that I just learned about We've known this been going on, but it's happening now even locally is that there are criminals who are getting sexting pictures of girls or guys and they sit in there and they're Columbia hideout and they get on. They start trying to hack people's emails and you can buy email accounts and they go to emails of companies that have names, right. So if you have a name in your company, they just put a little random thing on it, hit every name that exists Bob, john, will, susan, it's.
Speaker 1:Everyone comes back and goes there's a person on that email and then what they do is they start becoming buddies and with kids at night They'll start going hey, talk to me tonight when your mom, dad or big guys I'm sure I think you're really cute, you know, I show me a picture of you and they send this really hot picture of some girl and they're like wow, you're cute. I know, but your friend told me about you who I can't tell you my friend is. She'll be embarrassed and they get down this line next thing you know. Here's what happens. Hey, I got to send you a picture of something that I think you're gonna like and here comes a picture of my naked body kick, and Then they go. Now I want to see one of you, yeah and then the kid goes no, they have your.
Speaker 1:Now you're at your out now you're on click, click, click, click and you're in this game of sexting and it is a serious issue in teenagers right now. It's even serious with kids in college and, of course, much more out of that. But it's kids, it's, it's criminal. Yeah, what?
Speaker 2:happens, though, exactly manipulated by someone who's Simply trying to get their information and get their images out there. You got it, they're hitting people of influence.
Speaker 1:You know you, you run a business, you work at some place or you're an elected official or whatever case may be, and then what they do is have to get this picture going back and forth and they get to know your life. A bunch is being buddies. Then they go. Oh, by the way, I don't want to have to tell your wife about this. I don't want to share this out on your Facebook page that I've just hacked To all the friends that you have it work that you've been sending all my pictures of me and that and here's the deal you got to send me a couple hundred bucks a month. You send me a couple hundred bucks a month and I'll make sure that these things get off the internet. If not, I don't know. Now You're scaring me will you're scaring me.
Speaker 2:I go home, I break my phone.
Speaker 1:This is the extortion that's going on. Yeah, exactly right, and we think it's all fun and games. Now there's a whole nother side of this. Kids are having fun and games. Careful, your kids playing fun and games. Someone out there is not real number one, number two. It's illegal. But and and you may get in this place, you get extorted over it and we're seeing kids getting some serious and people in some high positions and it work. Next, you know, shows up on the company Facebook page.
Speaker 2:It's not pretty, no and it's not pretty and and I'll go even a much lighter version of that. I mean that's, that's deep.
Speaker 1:That's dark and that's heavy. It's real, it's happening a lot.
Speaker 2:I'm hearing a ton but on. Just as severe is the kids who are on there on totally appropriate stuff, but they're so stuck to their phone on the appropriate fail videos that they can't sleep. They aren't getting what they need, their dopamine levels are increasing and they're depressed and nothing in life Satisfies them anymore most of the time kids get into well, even adults as well.
Speaker 1:But kids in particular, when they're developing, is at night, when they're alone. Yeah right, if you're hungry, angry, lonely or tired, who I love? That halt, halt.
Speaker 1:Hungry angry, lonely or tired, you are at risk of falling for something Absolutely and so lonely is a huge one, and then lonely ends up to no hope. I don't feel hopes. They go screw it, I don't care, and off they go. So that rule no phones in the bedrooms. And if they say, well, that's my alarm clock, go buy one. I did so. We've got a Walmart bottom and I still. One sits to the side of my bed, goes beep, beep, beep, beep, yep alarm clock. They're great. Take your phone, put it in the basket. Rule number one. Rule number two set a standard for the amount of time You're gonna spend on it you, your spouse, your kids, what your time is. And on your phone there is an app. My Android says screen time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you can set it for your use. Just set, hey every week pick which apps are it applies to and everything. Look into it.
Speaker 1:Here's what I'm looking at. Here's long I'm looking at it. It says it right there for you. Part of why that was developed, by the way as I understand from a gentleman I spoke to that worked for Apple is they were getting concerned about lawsuits saying that you're doing this to me, apple. Your machine is ruining my life.
Speaker 2:And so I will said, hey, I gave you. I gave you the tool to manage it.
Speaker 1:You didn't manage it. It's not our responsibility anymore. But nobody knows. It's there. Yeah but it's writing your general settings.
Speaker 2:You know, what I like about that too is when you to actually talk to your kids about it and ask him is like hey, how much time do you think it's appropriate? That's the key. Most of the time, they actually come back with a reasonable number. They're gonna come back. Well, 20 hours is appropriate, mom. They're gonna come back with, I don't know, two or three hours. And I tell you, if you put screen time on your phones for two or three hours, you're probably in a reasonable spot, because and if you're following rule number one right, you end up being able to manage it now.
Speaker 1:So screen time is if you're doing you know something that's healthy with it. But if you're out just getting dopamine hits from like buttons and sharing and making, then Then that that kind of time is a different kind of time on your device. Yeah, that's productive time right like why use it for work? I get it. That's not what we count on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're talking screen time.
Speaker 1:Use it as a tool social media.
Speaker 2:Videos yeah texting, you know all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:So my rule is if you're under 18, no social media. I agree with that. Zero, your brain is not developed enough for social media and what they're trying. They admit to what they're doing. Now I'll tell you a little story about my own kids.
Speaker 2:Because until I got with Will and started talking about this stuff and actually Started really thinking about it, I was just like every other parent, you know. I was like oh, what's the harmless napchat, you know? And and then I got thinking about it and all these these things we started talking about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when you have evidence to prove this now and I started talking my kids about it.
Speaker 2:I started talking about the risks, I started talking about these rules and we started playing them. And I had one of my sons that was, you know, really into some of the different apps and and he was. It wasn't like he was super depressed, but he was just kind of heavy right and and he decided he was gonna get rid of it all and he got rid of all his social media ads and within a Month it was like he was a whole new kid. He was happier, he was more engaged with us. He was, he was doing more external activities.
Speaker 2:He was you know, yeah, connect him more with his friends. Not blowing hours of time and all sudden he had time for school.
Speaker 1:He had time for studying he got it. It was amazing, right, my in my home. I'm not a social media freak. In fact, you go up to the let's chat with Will and Tony Facebook page. You're gonna find nothing on it. Yeah, I know, because if we could use it as a tool for work. We don't, yeah, because that's just not where we spend our time, but we'd love to have you go up there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can go out there and look at it, it's up there, but you know the company put it up there, so you're you chase me. I'm not gonna get up there and chat on it. The the other side of that is that why I say 18 is that the brain doesn't really start forming itself completely until about 19 to 24. In those early eras you're teaching the brain things that will stick with the child forever older, don't?
Speaker 1:they don't need that, just like, for example, they don't learn well from 2d, meaning they don't learn well from computer screens. They learn well from 3d and 4d, which means they see an object and they touch and fill it yeah smell it, you know, get the textures.
Speaker 1:That's how the brain develops, particularly when they're super young, but throughout life. So that's why I say absolutely zero. Now I know what they're doing with it. Zero is there's. Nobody is going to miss anything in life by turning it off. My own personal Facebook page was just my family. It was just to share things visually between each other, and that's one of the gifts of technology.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's one of the gifts. It's a tool that you use specific purpose, right?
Speaker 1:So if you've tried to friend me and I didn't friend you back, nothing personal, it's just.
Speaker 2:That's not what I use the tool for the funny thing, I don't even have accounts. I got rid of them. I couldn't. I personally couldn't handle him.
Speaker 1:I, I didn't, I was.
Speaker 2:I'm out, I can't, I can't do this. It's taken too much my time. It's messing with, but we're old, see where we don't understand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's they tell us yes, we do, we just don't see the value in it. I actually only started it because I was trying to keep relations with my people in Ukraine. Yeah, when we went back to Ukraine to help all the refugees off the border.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I've got hundreds of families that I'm trying to make sure they're okay, and so that's something they had and I had, where we could communicate with each other and use the translator yeah, communicate. Great tool, great tool.
Speaker 2:I'm using it as a tool, not as a place to lose myself in yeah, and that's one of that's one of the recommendations I give to everybody when they they're asking me about it, right? I always say hey. If you're picking up your phone because of a notification and Because of a habit and you want to fill a void, your board in trouble If you're.
Speaker 2:If you're picking up that phone because you're bored, you're in trouble If you go to church and have to check the scores trouble, put it away right when I say, if you're picking that phone up to do a specific task like I'm gonna pick up my phone and read my book, I'm gonna pick up my phone and look up this product so that I can purchase something, yeah and, and you're using that tool versus it using you then you're probably in a healthy spot. But if you find yourself picking that phone up out of habit, just like I want to check something, I want to check my notifications. I want to check my email. Yep put it down and that's your clue resist it.
Speaker 2:That's your clue. So I say, hey, only pick up your phone to do something specific that you want to do and think about that before you touch your phone. Is, why am I picking this phone All?
Speaker 1:right. So here's what happens with addictions. See, if this is how you're gonna judge your addiction with yourself. When I was dealing with cancer fight here handful years ago, six years ago, they put me on a bunch of Opiates okay, pain kill, kind of things. I got it understood as a therapist. I like this will be interesting. I Want to see what this does. I want to see the game that everybody's up against. Right, oh, my heavens, did I learn a lot of things.
Speaker 1:What happened is I decided to wean myself off it. I knew not to just come off it. I was on massive doses of this stuff during the middle of the cancer treatment. Yeah, and I mean, at least who's, I don't cancer treatment. I'm like, okay, I'm weaning off. And I started to schedule over a month. Okay, to wean myself off on it. What was interesting is when I got down to I only had four pills a day to take. I Started getting freaky. I started going man, I just oh, in between each one I was like I just need another one of those right now, you just urge, urge, right then.
Speaker 1:I finally got to, I got off of them and my body freaked out. I got the shakes, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't walk my numb, my legs went numb. I mean, crazy stuff happening. Yeah, I ended up in the ER over it, you, and they said, what's going on? Yeah, what? And they were doing all this work and they're like, ah, we don't want to do it, that's all it was. So what happened is that I then had to put myself back on it and weed myself off slower from it. It's the same thing with your phone. This is what it's gonna do to you.
Speaker 1:But what's interesting about that addiction is that at some point after I got off everything going down the road a month or two, I started having these feelings like I just wish I'd take one of those and just go away for a minute. And here's the trick If you do that and take one, you're gone. You're lost. If you let your brain convince you you need something, then the brain learns and triangulates that it wants candy. It wanted the opiate candy. It was figuring out how to get it and as soon as it could do it emotionally. You're gonna have pain chronically. You're gonna have emotional problems chronically because the phone's doing the same thing. It produces the same kick in the brain. So if all of a sudden you're feeling like I just need to go get lost on the phone for a minute, I just need don't touch it. If you pick up the phone, you're gonna triangulate this issue and the brain will progress.
Speaker 2:Every time you're in one of those states of hungry, angry, lonely, tired, the brain goes boom, boom the way you go. This is your time.
Speaker 1:Hit it, that's what you gotta work with. Okay, let me give you five quick ones. We gotta take a break. Okay, here's the five things I want you to write down. First of all, number one set boundaries with your technology Agreed. Establish certain times that you will use it and not use it. Love it, live by it. Live by it. Do this, please do this. But this in place Now in that same story about setting boundaries. Set places in your home.
Speaker 2:It's off limits. Yeah, like it's not allowed in the bedrooms, it's not allowed at night, it's not allowed at great dinner tables Having family time it's not whatever you set, you set your boundaries and it's not wanted.
Speaker 1:Then and don't fall for all the excuses that I gotta have it because my friend's committing suicide. Your kids will give every story you need to get on their phone again because they're feeling the urge to do it. That's how you'll know if there's a problem right. Number two seek alternative activities. Start adding in your life other things. If you've got time to do reels with Facebook, find something else to do.
Speaker 2:I'm always telling people go connect, connect with something real, disconnect from your technology.
Speaker 1:Anything outdoors, anything that causes you to move, anything that kinetically you can do with your hands and eyes, and feelings connect with that develops Any real connection with a human being.
Speaker 1:Connects Not through the phone, but Face to face face to face, learning body language that connects. Number three practice digital detox. Okay, that means you've got to be able to say it's just like losing weight. At some point you've gotta cut back your calories. So follow what you're doing, go, hey man, this is too much. And here's the thing, kids, this weekend we're going on a no, no phone hike, no phone hike, and it's gone. Or this week we're taking a seven day break and if you have to text all your friends and say, hey guys, family's taken a seven day break, I'll see you in a week.
Speaker 2:Try to go on a week-long youth camp and put your phone away and I'm telling you, by the end of it you're happier Because I see this with kids. You're excited.
Speaker 1:But my friends are freaking out. They can't get a hold of me. Tell your friends up front and just let them know. You guys, I take one too. Why don't we all take a seven day break and try to see what happens? If you want to talk to me, come over. There you go, and then just remember to use technology mindfully, which means that be mindful of your usage. Be mindful of what you think the other app is doing to you. Be mindful of how you feel and when you decide to do it and why you decided to go to it. Be mindful of those feelings.
Speaker 2:Understand the hazard Right, understand what it could do to you, so that you take the precautions and use it properly. We live in a wonderful world, people. It's great. The technology is amazing, amazing. We love it. It is such a great tool.
Speaker 1:Don't fall for the tricks, don't let it control your life Right and please take it out of the hands of children. They don't need it If.
Speaker 2:I can show you what it's doing, and they can ruin them and they don't know how to communicate.
Speaker 1:They don't know how to feel, they don't have any coping skills.
Speaker 2:Depression's going up. Suicide's going up. They don't know how to date anymore.
Speaker 1:It's all coming because they're getting lost here and we've got to pull that back. And you're probably not doing as much as a parent because you're getting lost in it as well.
Speaker 2:So it's time, it's time.
Speaker 1:It's the day. Today's the day the revolution. We're going to detox from it. All right. All right, here we go. Got to take a quick break. Bottom of the hour news and back with more. As we come back, we'll be talking about communicating with your kids and your spouse, about how you can be more unified and what you're going to do with them. Oh, I love it. Got a couple of texts and emails on this one. Ok, let's talk about them. This is going to be good. Back in a couple minutes, news talk 107.9.