Let's Chat with Will & Tony
Let's Chat with Will & Tony
SEG 2 of 4 - Values & Traditions - Upholding Values in a Shifting Culture: Reflecting on Moral Choices and Discovering the Secret to Marital Bliss
As I sat at that red light in our small town of Whole Falls, a creeping realization washed over me — are we witnessing the quiet slide of our collective moral compass? This episode isn't just about traffic laws; it's a deep reflection on how these seemingly insignificant moments are actually canaries in the societal coal mine, signaling the eroding of our public virtue and personal standards. I, Will, get personal with a confession of a momentary lapse, and together with my wife, we unveil our conscious decision to sidestep R-rated films, a choice emblematic of our commitment to upholding the values we hold dear. We're not here to preach, but rather to spark a conversation on what it means to maintain one's principles amidst a cultural backdrop that often seems to blur the lines.
Then, join Tony and me as we venture back to a transformative trip to Mexico that forever altered the fabric of my marriage. In this chapter, we're not just reminiscing about the past; we're unlocking a 'trick' to a blissful marriage, one that we swear by and are excited to share with you. The journey through love and commitment is as personal as it is universal, and we're laying ours bare in hopes that it resonates or even guides. Whether you're flying solo, navigating the dating scene, or nestled in the nuances of married life, this revelation is bound to stir something within. We're eagerly waiting to weave your perspectives into the continuing tapestry of our conversation on News Talk 107-9, so don't hold back—your experiences are the heartbeat of this dialogue.
Common Sense Advice for Life, helping with self-awareness, family and relationships in a complex world. Now here's Will Kesley and Tony Patek. Alright, welcome back to the show. Here we are, let's chat, Will and Tony. I'm Will, my good buddy Tony, and we're talking a little about the old broken window theory and how we water our culture down based on what's so like, for example, especially in our town.
Speaker 2:You're not at Whole Falls, alright, I don't fall.
Speaker 1:That's where we home this show out of us, it's directly here at Whole Falls. Is the number of people that run red lights in this town? It's crazy, right Off the chart.
Speaker 2:Every light.
Speaker 1:I stop now, even if it's like Do not jump a green light in this town, you will get t-boned by somebody coming through five minutes after it turns red. No, it's crazy. It is Right Because it's now become. I saw it happen. You saw it happen. The other day, I actually saw a yellow light. It turned red on me and I thought everybody does it. I'll just go through the red light and I was horrified at what I just decided to do. Yeah, I just did the same thing. I watered down my own. What I stood for is right and wrong In public virtue doing the right thing because, after all, everybody else is doing it.
Speaker 2:No, I mean. So I'm talking about this. You know what's going to happen.
Speaker 1:The cops are going to come over here at the show right.
Speaker 2:I mean I'm at the door. Kisley just admitted running a red light.
Speaker 1:I didn't actually see it turn red.
Speaker 2:No, but you talk about public virtue, right. So we get off the plane in Dallas, we're coming home, we're exhausted and we had a pretty tight connection. I kind of messed up a little bit and booked a tight connection, not realizing the customs and everything you have to go through coming back internationally, right. So I get in the customs and we hit this customs line and three or four planes must all got in kind of the same time. So it was long and I was stressing and I was like, oh my goodness, we are not going to make our plane and customs is not necessarily a fast process, right?
Speaker 2:It's like the park line, you know the Disneyland line, where it's a snakey line that goes back and forth between ropes right, and so we're standing there and well, I noticed like in front of me a gap kind of opened in the line.
Speaker 2:People are talking and they're not paying attention and a gap opened up in the line. There was a slight delay before the second group moved forward to close the line back up. Well, there was an individual who ducked the line from one row to the other, just snuck under the line and everybody noticed everybody around him.
Speaker 1:Notice an idiot.
Speaker 2:Everybody's looking at this guy like really you just you just ducked the line, you just you're okay with that. And now the social norm was nobody challenged him, nobody was a surprise.
Speaker 1:More people didn't join him now?
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe so, but we didn't have nobody confronted him directly. But you could tell by people's faces, everybody just kind of like okay, whatever, your chuck, yeah, yeah chuck, anyway, so close in line, and I sat there and I and my wife turned to me and said I guess that guy's, you know, tight connection is more important in anybody else's tight connection of these other 300 people that are standing line. And it's back to that public virtue.
Speaker 1:Get all you can get Like you know, get all you get.
Speaker 2:It's only me. I'm the only one I have to worry about. You know, I'm going to run the red light, I'm going to pass on in the, in the median, you know, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to get me my, my due and everybody else can suffer for it.
Speaker 1:Certainly, we don't know, maybe he was trying to get to a plane, his wife's dying of cancer. I mean, you don't know. However, tell us that. Yeah, however, I think if you said to right guys here's the deal, can I have you know? People would have respected that.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:I think what you saw was just greed, selfishness, self-indulgence. And I bet you, if we were to pull that guy aside and ask about his life, his marriage and his family, it's a train wreck. Why? Because it showed in his virtue in public Correct. And if it shows there in the privacy of his own life, it's a train wreck.
Speaker 1:And so the point we talk about in this show all the time about we don't be happy or not be happy is easy. It would have been for you to duck under and take that stink. It is better if you didn't and lived by a principle that you can walk home with your integrity in place, because it says something about where you set your standards right. You don't get yourself washed into society saying, well, if this is the better way, it doesn't mean it's the better way. What I want you to do is be able to live by a standard, set a standard and stay by your standard, even if that standard may seem weird, odd or you may not even like it If the idea is to keep it like. For example, my wife and I decided years ago we first got married we didn't want to do rated R movies anymore. We got to point to kind of disgusting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like whatever you were watching was like that Newly married somebody came on and I was like I don't ever want to do that again.
Speaker 1:We're not doing that, so we decided our movies were out of our picture. We've now taken probably half of PG movies. We'll look them up, man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, use the technology to see what's gonna be in them.
Speaker 1:I'm not interested anymore it does nothing for me in entertainment value to go see and water down a standard that I've decided to keep. I've had people challenge that throughout my life. It's just a war movie, man. It's just violence. It's just blood and violence. I don't care. I've decided to set a standard and that's just one I choose to live by. Now you have to pick your standard, whatever it might be Well, everybody has to pick their own standard right.
Speaker 1:There's something that happens inside you when you set a standard and keep it. There's a self-respect that happens. That will radiate through everything else you're gonna do in your life and your success level will adjust by it. Your relationships will adjust by it. Even if it's only five things you say, I stand by these five things. It comes down to it's like what do you believe?
Speaker 2:I believe these things. And that's going back to the first of the show, when we're saying, hey, be open-minded, kick around what you believe, but when you decide, and you've done that analysis, and this is the valuable thing you're gonna believe, stick to that belief because it anchors, it, gives you character.
Speaker 1:That's what I call it. You know character, so don't be so bounced around by the social whims of the world. We say the same thing about technology. Yeah Well, everybody's got a phone, everybody stop. That doesn't mean it's a good, healthy thing for you, oh, better. Yet it's not even a healthy thing for your children. What, but you keep, I gotta have a Facebook account.
Speaker 2:Huh, I said that the other day I had a guy call me about a job, you know, and he was looking for information about the company that you know I'm a member of and I was talking to him and he said, hey, put me on your LinkedIn account. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, man, I totally would, but I actually don't have a LinkedIn account. Well, what about Facebook? I was like I actually don't have any social media accounts. He's like what?
Speaker 1:I do a show called Will and Tony. Yeah, listen.
Speaker 2:I said no, I just I never found much value to him, I mean, and it just caused me more havoc, you know, hassle than good. So I got rid of him, and that's something I did.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying everybody, you know, but that's a social norm now, but it's a social norm now that you have to have these things and now then set a standard In your standard. I've heard you say it, as at night I put the phone away. That's my new standard of my home and live by that standard. There's something respectful about it.
Speaker 2:It can be from dating standards, yeah dating's huge right, dating or the way you talk standard, the way you treat people's, your standard. What is that Public virtue Do you pick up?
Speaker 1:trash when you see it, even though you don't have to Stay by a standard, do you open doors for people? Stay by your standard.
Speaker 2:You know it's interesting you talk about that. So I was a scout master for 20 years in Boy Scouts of America, love that program, everything. So I spent years and years camping out and one of the things that got beat into me that was you know, leave no trace and clean. You know, leave it better. And you found it. You know. So whenever I'm hiking, you know it just fires me up if I find a you know pop can or a piece of trash on the pristine wilderness. So I always pick that stuff up, just throw in my backpack and carry it out.
Speaker 2:Not your standard and that's the standard. But you know, it's funny when you do that and you stick to that, like you were saying how it affects you, right, and you fight against it. And we rolled into this one campsite and it was, it was thrashed and we stopped all the boys and we're like, hey, we're going to cancel what we're doing tomorrow and tomorrow we're cleaning this place up and we we hauled out like six, seven of those huge black you know, we trash bags full of trash out of that and clean this whole campsite up because it'd just been thrashed by all the previous occupants.
Speaker 2:And the amazing thing is like two years later we came back and it got. It stayed. It stayed good, it wasn't thrashed.
Speaker 1:It was broken window theory.
Speaker 2:It was broken window theory all over right and and we walked away and we're like, no, we're not walking away and leaving this.
Speaker 1:However, here's what the idea of challenging some of these, if you had walked away and said you know, everybody else has done it. It's just how it is. There's something that happens inside your soul that waters down who you are and what you stand for and, more importantly, about the value of who you are. And that's the part people don't understand. When you water down whatever your social norm is, whatever your public virtue is going to be, whatever decisions you're going to be, like, I'm not if I decided now I'm just going to watch some of the great movies, because there's something that changes in your soul and I'm telling you, people who do this do not feel a sense of worth and they do not feel a sense of value of who they are.
Speaker 2:Now what you hear yeah, your self-esteem. Well, you're really watering down and ruining your self-esteem.
Speaker 1:You hear people say, well, it's just gonna be self-esteem, it's just gonna be self-confidence. And we like to think today in society that means they need to win more, they need to be complimented more. That's not actually what changes it. What changes it is to give them some standards. Let them come to some standards they want to live by and encourage them to keep them, and then watch how their confidence will grow. Yeah, watch how their success will grow based on these new norms. They're living because they can walk away going. I did good because I chose it and I lived in on it. I didn't have to Exactly, I chose it, I chose it.
Speaker 1:So that's kind of our challenge in this second segment. I want you to think something in your life. You're going to stand by and be unmovable. Keep it as a righteous one. Why do I mean by righteous? Now, it doesn't have to be a spiritually righteous, it doesn't have to be a God righteous, it has to be a good thing for society. Yes, like, don't stand by something because it's like well, I stand by this because careful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I stand by hating this race. Careful, that's what we're talking about.
Speaker 1:Exactly, howard. Now, when you come back, I want to go back to you being in Mexico. Oh, okay, I like it. The reason I do is because there's something special that happened when you went to Mexico that has to do with your marriage. Oh, yes, yes, and one of those things is a commitment that I'm going to ask people to try to keep, because it is at the root of how you have a successful marriage.
Speaker 1:All right, if you want to know the trick, I'm ready for your question. I got it coming up next, all right.
Speaker 2:Let's chat with.
Speaker 1:Will and Tony Join us on the show 607-414 chat and or give us an email at let'schat with Will and Tony gmailcom. Love to get your comments. We got those coming up at the end of the show On the way News Talk 107-9.