Imagine & Believe That Anything is Possible | Ep. 003 - Dr. Violeta Garcia

Join host Lynn Debilzen in this dynamic interview with Coach & Systems Disruptor Dr. Violeta Garcia on Redraw Your Path! 

In this interview, Lynn learns about Violeta’s bold turns that upended power and helped her create her own story. Their conversation touches on:

• The impact of childhood expectations and trauma on life paths, and how to heal from them to write your own story
• Overcoming adversity and leveraging coaching tools to realize that you are already perfect the way you are
• Using a systems lens to understand and reframe personal experiences
• What can happen when you believe anything is possible

Tune in for a dynamic discussion on life and growth!

About Violeta:

Dr. Violeta García: Systems Disruptor and Advocate for Inclusive Excellence

🌱 Embracing Nature as Our Teacher

🌟 Inspiring Leaders for a Thriving Future

🔗 Connecting Communities for Change

Dr. Violeta García is on a mission to reshape the landscape of education and corporate culture, advocating for the advancement of historically marginalized professionals. As a scientist, she draws inspiration from the wisdom of nature and employs concepts in ecology, systems change, and engineering design to empower individuals to design the life they desire. She is the driving force behind Ecosistema Design LLC, a consulting powerhouse dedicated to building interconnected systems that empower women and BIPOC leaders in Colorado to excel in high-level positions.

🌍 A Global Visionary and Systems Thinker Dr. García is not just an educator; she's a systems thinker with a passion for dismantling outdated paradigms. She envisions a world where every person has access to high-quality, culturally relevant learning experiences. Nationally and locally, she's a sought-after content expert and an influential connector, fostering collaboration among industry, education, and community stakeholders.

‌Connect with Violeta:

Website / URL:: https://www.ecosistemadesign.com/

LinkedIn URL:: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drvioletagarcia/

Other social handles:: @‌DraVioletaGarcia

‌

Connect with Lynn:

• www.redrawyourpath.com
• www.lynndebilzen.com
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/lynndebilzen/

Transcript

Lynn: 0:01

Hey friends, welcome to Redraw Your Path, a podcast where I share stories of people who have made big changes in their lives and forged their own unique paths. Guests talk about their moments of messiness, fear, and reframing on their way to where they are now. I'm Lynn Debilzen, and my goal is to inspire you about the shape your life could take. So let's get inspired. Hey, y'all. I am really thrilled to introduce my guest on today's podcast. She is incredible. You are going to love the energy that she brings to the podcast. I'm lucky enough to have crossed paths with Dr. Violeta Garcia many years ago when I lived in Colorado and I had the chance then to contribute to a book she was writing. so a little bit about her. Doctora Violeta Garcia is on a mission to reshape the landscape of education and corporate culture, advocating for the advancement of historically marginalized professionals. As a scientist, she draws inspiration from the wisdom of nature and employs concepts in ecology, systems change, and engineering design to empower individuals to design the life they desire. She is the driving force behind Ecosistema Design LLC, a consulting powerhouse dedicated to building interconnected systems that empower women and BIPOC leaders in Colorado to excel in a high level. She is an absolute rock star. I'm really thrilled that she spent her time with us and sharing her story. And I can't wait to hear what your takeaways are from my interview with her. Enjoy. All right, Dr. Violeta Garcia, so great to have you on Redraw Your Path. Thank you for joining.

Violeta: 2:00

Thank you, Lynn, for inviting me. Really appreciate it.

Lynn: 2:03

Yeah, I'm, I'm really excited for this conversation. Violeta, I'd like to start the conversation, with bookends. So, the beginning of your life and then where you are now. can you give me some context about where and how you grew up?

Violeta: 2:19

I grew up in El Salvador right when the Civil War broke out. And, uh, I lived in El Salvador for about, yeah, for about eight years. So we managed to stay alive for eight years and then one day my dad said, enough. We're done, we're done. This is not the life I want for my kids. And he slowly, he was a merchant. So he would come to the United States and buy school buses and take them down. And he would fix them up to put in the public transportation system in El Salvador, which is really, it was a private system. So people own buses and then they would, move the communities around. So he had several routes that were assigned to him and he would put buses. So he would come back and forth, back and forth in the U. S. And slowly, each trip he started getting visas for us, as if we were just going to come and visit one day. and then once the day came where We were threatened and he said, you know, this is enough. We're going to leave the country. So we left overnight and I remember he, he separated us into different cars and years later I asked him, Dad, why did you separate when we were going to the airport? And he said, because if one car was bombed, not all of us would die.

Lynn: 3:31

gosh.

Violeta: 3:32

Not a lightweight to start the day, but that was my early beginning and so the trauma that that's gonna come up you know as we talk today because that's part of healing we all have different stories, and we all have different paths that we come from, and that influences how we build the current self that we have, the future self that we want to, who we want to become, for sure. So, we stayed in the country, I've been here for over 30 years and we made this our home, and we were fortunate enough to be Granted, legal status, which is totally a game changer in there in the United States, and that allowed me to just really build something that no one really has built before in my family.

Lynn: 4:10

Wow. That, is I'm sure an incredibly traumatic start knowing how important early childhood is, but also, you know, that amazing opportunity that your father gave you as he was saving your family.

Violeta: 4:27

And as a child, I had no idea, right? I just thought we were coming to Disneyland. That was it. And that was the picture he painted for us, so we would stay calm, and that's what, we didn't actually go to Disneyland for about maybe 20 years after that, but it was a way to keep us calm as children.

Lynn: 4:46

yeah. Were you aware that there was a war going on around you?

Violeta: 4:51

Yes, it was so obvious. We would hear the, like, the battles overnight. And speaking of education, and Lynn, that's how you and I met, right? Working within the STEM early education space. I worked with STEM education all the way around at that time. And one of the things that I found fascinating was how real, how, a couple of things. Number one, that children can be happy even if there's a war. You still have a life. You just have, you still have things to look forward to. You still have, we used to play in our backyard. It was a coffee farm. We ate mangoes off the trees. And, and then at night, we would just go inside and we would hear all the bullets kind of land on our, on our metal, the roof was metal. It sounded like it was raining whenever there was a battle going on. And in the morning, there would be dead people outside. And so, in order for, for you to get to school, you had to have a reason to drive the street. When there were curfews, no one was allowed outside. So we, my dad, my oldest sister was about maybe 12 at the time, he believed so much in education that he would hide her in the pickup truck underneath, kind of where you, when people sit as a passenger, there's kind of a space in between, and he would put her there and put a board. And in order for him to have something to do, he would pick up dead bodies. And so she was just like, hey, dad, how many did we pick up today? And it was just like, oh, 10. Oh, that's more than yesterday. Or that's less than the day before. And I'm thinking, can you imagine as a child having, having that part of your life as if it's no big deal? And, uh, to this day, she doesn't want to go back. She still has that trauma. I've gone back a couple of times, but it's definitely, it's definitely heavy, right? And it's also a reality for many children around the world as well. And I think that's a good reminder that, that yes, we're fortunate and it also still happens around the world.

Lynn: 6:47

Yeah, absolutely. I know we're recording this in October, although it won't come out for a while, but, everything that's going on right now in Israel and Palestine and Ukraine and so many places with ongoing wars that have been going on for decades. So, it's a reality that a lot of children experience I'm glad that your experience has that, quote unquote happy ending. so I'm curious, so where and how are you currently spending your days? Let's bookend to your life now.

Violeta: 7:22

so one of the memories too that I had as a child, you know, where I was a scientist just from the beginning, I would go play outside in the coffee farms and ask questions. I was very deep questions about the world. It's only, you know, seven or eight years old. But it was like, where do the leaves go when they fall from the, the coffee trees and all these different things? Why isn't that we, why doesn't all the, the, the trash or the debris that falls accumulate? Where does it go? So I was always curious, a very curious child. And so from that curiosity, science was the easiest path For me, because it was just that was what I did from a very early age. So I became a scientist. I have a doctorate in ecology and system studies and focusing on biological education, which is how people learn biology. And, uh, and I love doing, uh, just engaging youth in programs. So that was kind of my early career, uh, focusing on STEM education. And then I stepped back and I said, well, like these systems, they're in nature, but they're also people. They're people systems. And when we don't design them intentionally, we get a certain result. And the system produces exactly what it's supposed to do, either pushing people out or our children out for that matter, right? Or it's an inclusive system that really fosters belonging and a place where we feel like we do want to be there, where we belong. So now, I said, what if, what if all these life experiences that I had were good, bad, or in between the spectrum, right? And I started asking myself, why was it that, as a woman of color, Going into leadership positions, and I didn't thrive, you know, there wasn't anything wrong with me and I knew that, but it felt like there was something wrong with me. So imposter syndrome would kick in. And I started asking myself, what if, what if there were, what if we took the time to design systems intentionally? What would they, what would they include, right? What are the, what are the, the pieces of the ecosystems that we could do, but they're focusing on people. So, I started realizing there's a couple of layers. Every system has multiple layers. You know, the individual is 1 layer. We are a system in and of itself. The way we work together, you and I, the way that I work with other people, maybe from different backgrounds, that's another system. The way we, our departments work, right? And many organizations were split up into department or different units. And then we're part of this massive organization oftentimes. And so I started asking, what is a good work at different levels? And what would that look like? And I have to tell you, my favorite level right now is individual and team coaching. Because I learned that I had a lot of power that I just gave away because I just thought, well, if other people would do things for me, then maybe my life would be easier in this system. And when I started coaching, I realized, wait, I'm the one that has the power here. What would it look like for me to step into that power and help other, especially women of color? And women as a whole, because I think that there's so many, societal expectations that we have. What if we said, what if it could be different? What would that look like? And so I love working at that level. And there's also this reality that unless we change some systems, then it's Sometimes it's almost impossible to thrive. And the sad part is that that's the reason why so many women and women of color leave is because these systems push them out. so it's almost like working from the bottom up and from the top down. And that's the company that I created. It's called Ecosistema Design. And I absolutely love doing the work that I do and it keeps me really busy. And at the same time, keeps me doing exactly what I want to be doing.

Lynn: 11:15

Oh, I love that. I love that. And I think it's such important work because, as you said, every system is designed to get the results. whether that was intentionally or lack of intentionality, um, somebody made the decision to have the system that way. And I think oftentimes in our culture, we tend to look at the individual and what's wrong with the individual and not look enough at the systems and what's set up around them. So. I love that you're digging into that. thank you for sharing that. So we have the bookends, we have what you're doing now, and we have how you started. I want to ask just for the lens of this conversation, many of us grow up with certain external pressures or expectations placed on us, so molds we didn't ask for. what were some of those for you? What were some of the things that your Parents or your system around you had, you know, what were the ideas they had for your life?

Violeta: 12:24

Well, There were many. I grew up in a household full of women. We had one brother and we had four sisters at the time, or five kids. And now we're six, so there's five girls and one boy. But one of the patterns that I would see in my life right away was how my brother was treated and how differently it was from how I was treated. And it was sometimes it was subtle things like calling him, the king of the house. Other times it was very blatant. For example, when a toaster would break or, the radio would break, my mother, and I love my mother, and it goes back to, it's not her fault. That's how she was socialized as well. She would say to my brother, look, this broke. Can you fix it? Or can you look to see what's wrong with it? Right? She never asked that question of us. And so from an early age, these patterns of what type of opportunities we offer to our children have a big impact in career choices, for example. So my brother became an engineer because he was used to taking things apart and we were never given that opportunity. And I don't think we ever thought to say, Hey, I want to see what's inside of that too, right? It was just like, oh no, That's what he does.

Lynn: 13:38

Mm hmm.

Violeta: 13:39

does, not what I do. I do remember, I got to tell you a funny story. funny yet kind of gross. my hamster died and I was like, oh, I wonder what happened, you know, to the hamster. So I set up a little lab and I dissected it and to see what had killed the hamster or if I could figure it out, right? A little CSI kind of thing. And I, I opened it up with one of my dad's razor blades. so it was like, that was okay. And it's interesting because those patterns kind of We have enduring impacts of those patterns. So we have a lot more women in the life sciences, for example, because that's okay. You can do medical things, and there's still under representation there. But then in engineering and math, we see a huge under representation. And it starts from the moment we offer opportunities for our children. And what they, what we see in them already, right. So one of those, one of these patterns or molds that we're talking about, is just how our parents were brought up and what they're passing on to our children. As a mom of two girls, I remember I was at a yard sale one day and, there was a little Tonka truck. Do you remember those little yellow ones that were really well made? They were metal

Lynn: 14:48

Yeah. Mm

Violeta: 14:50

um

Lynn: 14:50

yes.

Violeta: 14:52

like super, super cool trucks. And it looks just like the big ones that are used out in the field. And I went to get the truck. And I said to the woman, I said, Oh, you know, how much are you selling this truck for? And she's like, Oh, it's 10. I said, you know what, what a great deal. Like, I'll take it. She said, I hope your little boy enjoys it. She said, and I said, Oh, my girls will love it. She goes, why are you buying a truck for a girl? They shouldn't be playing with trucks. And I thought, wow, this is. It's inter woman in every aspect in the fabric of society, right? So I come home, and I give the truck to the girls, and they absolutely love it. And then, the funny thing is that the truck is still around. My daughters are now 9 and 12 years old. And they literally will pack the Barbie's in the back and go on an adventure, right? And on the truck. And so there's this really, really interesting mismatch or disconnect between almost like disrupting our own belief system about what our girls can and cannot do and what our boys can and cannot do for that matter. Because another pattern, the other way around was We have two girls and my husband had to learn how to braid hair, but yet we don't teach our young boys to braid hair because we see that as a taboo. So all these societal expectations, we have to, the question I like to ask is, whose story is this? Or who wrote that story? And do I want that story for myself? And if not, what do I do to make, to create a different story?

Lynn: 16:23

I absolutely love that.

Violeta: 16:26

So, with my daughters, they are raised right in a space where being an engineer is okay, being a scientist is okay. It is just part of who they are and who they can be as people.

Lynn: 16:36

And you're being really intentional about that. it sounds like from those stories, it's not just adding in those opportunities, but in your experience, it was the fact that you, as a child, saw that you were lacking those opportunities. Your brother had them and you and your four sisters were not given those same, those same opportunities. So it's really thinking through what am I offering, And what am I not offering, across that gender lens?

Violeta: 17:08

You know, there's a little fun fact over here about computers Do you know the story about computers in the 80s?

Lynn: 17:14

um, wait, which, which story? I feel like I'm on the edge of my seat now. I don't know.

Violeta: 17:21

Okay, so if you watch Hidden Figures, you see computers were people, they were women and at that time because it was considered kind of a a job that was, there were cards at the time, you know, and you would put them in and you would write programs and put the cards in and test them, that kind of thing. But in the 80s, a big shift happened where the computers are marketed to boys as kind of a more of a gaming, like, you know, boys should have this type of toy, kind of thing. And then it shifted completely who had access to computers, like the physical computer changed from the cards, right, that that were used in the early years to an actual machine that was accessible and that was marketed to boys. And that's what shifted that. So we all of a sudden had The beginning, workforce for computers were women, and then it shifted in the 80s to pretty much all men, and now we have a big gap there's a big disparity in women and men in computer science careers.

Lynn: 18:24

Well, and it's interesting too, because before you talked about kind of this individual level of like, what are the beliefs we hold and how are we reinforcing that? But then there's like this whole societal level of marketing and what are the narratives we're continuing to move forward? and also, I love that question of, well, what if things were different, you know, like, what if that marketing had never been targeted at boys? what would look differently, now? so I'm curious, I know, you had these external pressures or expectations, and, I want to get into some of your big turns, and how you have shifted your life, because I know you've been through many, many different periods of redrawing your path. So is there one way that you've redrawn your path, Violeta, that you would want to highlight for listeners where you took a big, big leap or made a huge change?

Violeta: 19:27

I think that In my doctoral program, you know, I, I went to a school that biology was biology, right? All the hardcore biologists were just like, oh, you have to do research in biology and study insects or bugs and, and do a dissertation on that. And I said, why, why, why should I, and you know, like I have, oh my gosh, I've taken like 150, you know, doctoral level classes, units, so I have, I've taken every single science class you could think of, right? And had an amazing GPA and I was able to hang in there, but there was this nagging, just kind of a tug inside of me that said, you know, I could study bugs all day long. And adding the dynamic that I was the only Latina in the entire STEM division at my university. I thought, I I, like, I, I can only make so much change saying, yeah, you can be a scientist too, but no one is showing us how. So I really pivoted and my dissertation went from focusing on the sciences, uh, and, and I did research and, and finished, you know, several things. I had enough for a master's degree. And I thought, I don't need another master's degree. I'm just going to focus on what I love doing. So I, I really shifted to studying how young girls learn and how they move towards what I call a, a, circle of belonging is really what it boils down to, but it went from when you're an outsider in a field, anybody, right. It is a person listening right now could say, you know, I never have seen myself as a scientist. So that, that type of person, right. Being an outsider in out kind of, kind of an outdoors. How do you bring that person into the periphery to say, you know what, what if you could, what if you could become a scientist, what would that look like? And then once you get them to the periphery, it's okay. What could it look like to get them to towards a more central participatory role where you are actually doing the science, right? All the way to that outsider person going all the way to saying I am a scientist and I can do science. So I shifted My dissertation completely to say, what would that process look like? But in doing so, it was almost like I rebelled against the system. And so then I became an outsider in that space where then people started questioning like, why are you even here kind of thing? Like you're doing education and I'm thinking, yeah, it's a biology education degree. I can do that. Right. And, but, but with that is it's all science too, right. In terms of systems design. So I think that that was something that I completely pivoted. And at the end, The journey was so rough that when I finished my dissertation, I literally threw it under my chair, my, sofa, and it sat there for eight years. And I did not open it again after I was done. And it's, you know, it's so sad because I think that research is actually really important stuff. We really need to be talking about that more, right? What does it look like to have People who do see themselves as outsiders, to have them all the way to being a central participant in that community of practice. We need that. But because I was so, um, not hurt, it was, it was almost like, and I, I don't like to use the word trauma because it's a very different experience, uh, but it's also, it was to a certain degree, it was very different than the trauma I encountered in El Salvador, you know, very different, yet, It was all these microaggressions and these moments of being other that I didn't belong, that in that space I felt like I didn't belong, yet I knew that the work I was doing was so important, that it was still beyond me, that all the girls I was working with that never had seen themselves as potential scientists all of a sudden had hope and had an opportunity to see a career that they didn't even know was possible for them. And their parents, their parents will come to me and say, I Didn't even think that that could be possible for my children. And so just that shift was worth it for me. And I also had to, had to almost, I think every pivot came with healing and came with making sure I reminded myself that I, there was nothing wrong with me. I was okay. It's that system that didn't know what to do with me.

Lynn: 23:44

Yeah. Yeah. Well, and can I ask you what those reminders for yourself look like? Because what I hear you saying is that you are so committed to figuring out what does this pathway look like from helping young girls really believe that they can be. Scientists and move through that path. So there's commitment, but then also there's, I'm gonna throw this under the couch for eight years. And so what did those reminders for yourself look like? Or how did you rewrite those narratives?

Violeta: 24:21

Well, to get through the dissertation was really tough because, um, once I had all my research done and I had my I remember going to my Um, it was in the prelims. I don't even remember what it was called, but where, where my entire team, I had a couple of strategies. One was, the people I'm surrounded with right now don't want me to succeed. So I need to figure out how to succeed despite of that. Right. I remember my department chair was so, um, you know, she came across as having really high standards, but now I know that it was really her way of excluding people.

Lynn: 24:56

Ooh.

Violeta: 24:57

I thought, well, if that's her game, right, then I need to surround myself with people who will move heaven and earth to make sure that I make it out. So I put the provost on my committee. I was like, provost, I need you. And I built a relationship with her and I said, I need you because I know you believe in the work that I do. And yes, you're going to hold me to high expectations, but not not to the point where the, The goal post moves every time. It's like, oh yeah, you did that, but you haven't done X, Y, and Z. Now you got to do that too. And you know, you got to do that too. And so I feel like that happens a lot to women of color, whether it's in the workplace or in academia. The goalpost has moved. And so I always, whenever I coach my clients, when we do strategy work, I tell'em know what the, what a successful outcome looks like. Because if you don't, that goalpost will move and, and then it becomes your problem, right? Oh, you didn't meet that expectation, but you really never knew what the expectation was. So with, within the system, I always tell people, know what you're looking for, know what your job is. Role clarity is also a huge thing. So I said, okay, let me define that. What does a successful dissertation look like? Who do I need on my team that will help me get there? And then after I submitted the first, you know, the first full draft, it was bleeding to death. And it was like, this doesn't go here. That doesn't go there. We need this. We need that. And I was just so devastated because every single person in my department, that meeting was like, yay, great job. You have a couple of changes here and there, and there you go, Dr. So and so, you're done. And for me, it was like, Not good enough, right? And I said, I thought, okay, so, so now what? Right? Now what? So that's one phrase I asked myself. Now what?

Lynn: 26:45

Yeah.

Violeta: 26:46

Right? Or so what? Like, what does this mean? What am I going to make it mean for myself? Right? So now what? Um, I got a job at, at the Department of Education. So I, that became a buffer for me. And I was like, well, now I'm busy doing other things. The dissertation just sat there, or the, the, uh, the draft at the time, right? And then my advisor, so second thing was going back to surrounding yourself with people who believe in you. My advisor said to me, what is it that you need to be successful? What can I do to help you be successful in this? And I said, you know, there's so many things going on that I just can't even make time for this. And he said, what do you need? And I said, I need time. I need time away from my family, just a space to be able to work. And he goes, done. He goes, let me talk to my partner. We have space upstairs. He goes, you can move in. I literally moved into their house, right,

Lynn: 27:36

What?

Violeta: 27:37

weekend. And every chapter he said, okay, he goes, when you're done with the chapter, you print it out, you go downstairs, you bring it to me. And she was like, do you need food? I'm like, I need food. You're going. So it was beautiful to see how we can show up for one another that way. Right.

Lynn: 27:53

Yeah.

Violeta: 27:54

sometimes just that question is like, what is it that you need? And knowing how to answer it, because I think that through the guise of overwhelm, we put up this shield of, I don't know what I need. And so the question I like to ask myself is, what if you did? What if you did know what you needed? Right? And so then when I asked myself that question, I'm thinking, I do know what I need. I need time. I need space. I need no kids around, right? So I, I talked to my partner. I said, okay, you got to take the kids, you know, I'm going away for the whole weekend. And this is what the plan is. And he was like a hundred percent in support. And I started Friday night, chapter one was done that night, chapter two, three, and four were done Saturday. And chapter 5 was done on Sunday. I remember leaving his house and he was like, done. And then, so he, I took pretty much a, going back to the goalposts, right? That idea that you should know clearly what the outcome should be and work and keep eyes focused on that. He said, take the approach of a revising a paper for publication and say, this is what the revision is, this is what I did about it. Whether I did something or didn't do something, to be explicitly and be very clear about that process. So every single comment, I addressed. And that was something else, like, super organized, like, say, this is what you said, this is what I did about it. Very clear. And then, when they got it back, they had a list of all the changes that I made. They had the dissertation as it was. And I actually won dissertation, best doctoral student, At UNC that year. Which was crazy to think about, right? Because I'm like, yeah, and when my story started as I'm not good enough, I'm not, I literally was crying. I remember when I got the draft back to having, and it's funny because I look at it and yes, there are things like, you know, little typos here and there. I didn't even know you could hire an editor for a dissertation. So I would have done that differently. But at the end of the day, the content was so important that I won, top, doctoral student dissertation that year,

Lynn: 29:59

that is amazing. Yeah, and something to celebrate. And so to hear that you won that, and then, it kind of went under your couch for eight years is, is a lot, right? But it's, it speaks, I think, to the process you went through. And so what you said was, the first thing you did was you named what that department chair was doing. You named that she was moving the goalpost and that she was hiding behind this idea of high standards to, like really be exclusive and exclusionary. And you built a community of people around you that were not only willing to ask you what you need, but then do what they can to give it to you. that is really, really powerful. Is there another turn you'd wanna share with listeners in terms of ways you redrew your path?

Violeta: 31:03

Yes, you know, that pattern that I was sharing with you, that pattern happened three more times before I figured. so the second time it happened to me, and now in retrospect, now that I have all these coaching tools, I can name the different things that I did. I just didn't know I was doing them right at the time. And so I think it's so important, especially for your listeners to know that just to take a moment to just name and, I'm actually reading a book right now called the choice point. I don't know if you've heard about it, but it's, this idea that you come to a moment in your life. And you have a choice to make. Our brains are so quick to make decisions sometimes, and we make them from our survival brain, our amygdala, you know, kind of the brain that, there's a tiger chasing us and we've got to do it now. And instead of from the front lobe, where we're like, you know, that's calm, connected and rational brain. And so the choice point is this notion of, uh, just taking, stretching that moment of decision from two seconds to five, something so simple, right? But We want to react. We want to just make it, um, sometimes prove our point, right? Prove that we're right. And so I stopped letting, I let go of that. So, you know, what if I just don't even do that anymore, right? So the second, hard lesson that I learned, and I call them my hard lessons, because now I, I'm so appreciative. I would not be the person that I am today. I would not be the person that I am today had those things not happened to me. But I am thankful for those experiences. But at the same time, I also have to, I wish I had these tools, these coaching tools, because it would have made it so much less painful,

Lynn: 32:39

Mm-Hmm. Absolutely.

Violeta: 32:41

to say that, number one, there's nothing wrong with me. Number two, that other people, um, other people's problems are their problems, right? And not to make it about me. And number three, I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be okay. Like that part was just so powerful. But my second experience was when I left my um, my government job. And we had a conflict, and it was just like, okay, but not knowing how to deal with conflict, it really escalated. And to the point where I, a second pivot was going back to the network of support. It's like, what do you do when you don't have a network of support? You think you do- and it's like, But you don't, right? You're really alone in a way. I remember my supervisor asked me, Oh, how would you like to grow in this company or this organization? And I thought, wow, that's, that's, that's a good question. Like, well, how would I want to grow? Right. So that question kind of, um, gave me a sense of hope. But then when, when everything kind of, happened, I became the problem. And I thought, wow, this is so fascinating, right? But not knowing that at the time, I was just like, well, there's just something wrong with me to the point where, I, and this is another lesson, hard lesson to learn. Y'all don't have two supervisors because they, if they don't get their priorities straight, it's always going to be conflict. You know, it's a, it's a tug. One wants to pull you one direction. The other wants to pull you the other direction. But what was so, the hard lesson learned was that. And this is where the system produces what it produces, whether it's designed intentionally or not, right? I hear people say, oh, our systems are broken. I'm like, no, no, they're working just fine. When they push our kids out, kids of color, they're working just fine. That's what it's intended to do right now, you know? And until we redesign those systems, we're not going to have a different result. So in this system, the power dynamics were such that A white man, who identified as LGBTQ+ so it's like, okay, so you would, he was like, oh, I understand, the minority experience, you know, I'm a gay man kind of thing. And I thought, oh, okay, oh, I learned the hard way that that's not the case, right? Like that identity, being a male in this white supremacist system was way different than being a white woman even, right? So when he had a power, power uprising is what I'll call it. My other supervisor, a white woman, didn't even know what to say. And she just let him behave the way he behaved with his, you know, kind of child brain in a way. It was definitely not his adult brain. And I didn't know what to do. So I just like literally cried, right? And so that was the first time I didn't know what to do. So I silenced myself. I checked out. So then I created a result that, that it was just like, I couldn't do anything. Like, I couldn't get my work done because this person wouldn't give me what I needed. So my result was that I didn't get my work done, and then I became the problem, right? So then I became, it became a performance issue, but because I couldn't do my work. And so now I owned it. I'm like, you know what the reality is, is that I didn't have the tools to show up that way to say, you know what, I do not allow somebody to scream at me. And if you can't calm down, I need to leave this space. I did not have those tools, right? And not to mention, I, to say, I can't get my work done because I need these pieces in order for me to actually get this project done. So then it became a conflict and then it became a, oh, you didn't do what you were supposed to do. So you're the problem. So I left that system. But in realizing that today, I thought, yeah, I had more power than I thought, right, at the time, but I didn't know how to access those tools. And so that was a big pivot because that's what really. What that's what really took me from saying I need to have a job where I work for somebody else or for another organization to what if I could have my own business. This work is so important, right? Very similar pattern. First one is this work is so important. But now I have the tools to ask myself, but what if I could create something that nobody has created before? So I founded my first company. It was called STEM Learning by Design and I designed STEM programs because there was so much work I'm thinking I could still do this work. And if this organization doesn't want to do it, I could still do it myself. And I was doing program design, you know, helping, schools and nonprofits, either create resources or programs to say, what would it look like to engage kids in STEM opportunities? And I did that for about two years. And I even worked internationally. I worked on a project in El Salvador. It was really exciting. I trained about 120 teachers to do STEM development and that kind of thing. so that was my second pivot. But what I walked away with was, wait, I could create something. I don't have to wait until she hands me something. And that was a huge, huge narrative

Lynn: 37:33

Yeah, you, you really took your power back, it sounds like. were you still, it sounds like now you're realizing, okay, there is nothing wrong with you and this was a systems issue. At the time, were you having that realization or at the time, I know, we've had some similar paths and, experiences, and, I tend to, internalize that, I think, until very recently, but really internalizing it, there's something wrong with me, why can't I hack it in this, you know, in this culture system, if only I were All Fill in the blank here were those thoughts that you were still struggling with when you left and started your own

Violeta: 38:21

I even had to take some time. I think it was about three or four months. I went through the, all the cycles of a grieving process. Did you go through

Lynn: 38:30

Yeah. Oh, my God.

Violeta: 38:32

Have you ever thought about it that way? Yeah. Uh

Lynn: 38:34

and grieving of identity, too.

Violeta: 38:38

Oh my gosh. I remember going through. First, it was like, I can't believe this happened. Right? That was like what the first stage was denial or something. And then I was so mad. I was so angry that, you know, because of these messages, oh, we can't wait for you to move up. And, and it's like, how, how messed up is that? Right? But they, like, they would even say something like that. And so I went through being so angry. And then of course, I was like, maybe, maybe it's just, yeah. Maybe this is actually not real, like something else happened. And I think that I went through another stage where it was like There's something wrong with me, what you're saying. I'm not cut out for this. I'm the one, you know, even with a doctorate, and I think that this is one thing that I find, and I hear in a lot of my clients, they'll say things like, well, if I get this other degree, then I'll, I'll have the tools that I need. if I do this, then I'll be happy with weight loss. Once I lose weight, then I'll be happy. And I, I share with them that they are perfect just the way they are. Right. There's nothing wrong with them. And no one told me that at that time. Right. So that's why I went through all these stages. And finally, of course, you get to what acceptance or something. And it's this sense of, thank you. Thank you for that opportunity. Because that was what I needed. To open up the doors to say, now my earning potential is unlimited. So all these different things, but had I not experienced that, I wouldn't be around that kind of thing. But I got to tell you, it is real, right? So whenever you are kind of forced out of a space, it feels like that. Obviously, now I know we can think differently about it, but it really was the five stages of grief. and that was something that Now that I have so many coaching tools, I can name it and say, wow, this is so fascinating. And some of these things I did without knowing, but now that I have language to describe them, it just helps make sense of things. And I think that making sense of things just gives me more power back instead of saying that happened to me. It's like, Yeah, that happened. And this is what I make it mean. It's very

Lynn: 40:48

hmm. Absolutely. And I think if someone would have come to you, even the wisest person in the world, and at that time said, Violeta, you are perfect the way you are, you probably wouldn't have believed them. You would have still had to go through what you went through. To be able to come out on this side as that butterfly and seeing that as a gift, an opportunity that, that hard lesson gave you. Um. Yeah, go ahead.

Violeta: 41:21

Oh my gosh. And it brings me to the third

Lynn: 41:24

Yes, please.

Violeta: 41:25

Um, the third, because it was so different, right? It was so different. So my third one, uh, my third experience, and because you said that it just triggered this thought about what does it look like to stand in your power and leave something that just doesn't serve you, right? But I was kind of merry going around, going along my merry, you know, life and it was great. It was just like, Oh, this is great. It wasn't, I wasn't making a ton of money, but it was just enough, you know? And, I got tapped into a position. Somebody convinced me, right? To say, Hey, have you ever thought about being an executive director? And in my mind, I'm thinking, No, I have not. Right? So someone put my name forward they recommended me for a position, and then it opened up this, hmm, what if? Like, that kind of sounds really cool. And I was so overjoyed, right, in terms of like somebody seeing that potential in me because it goes back to validating, validation from others and how we seek that as human beings. I thought, wow, what a neat opportunity. I got to have to be a director. And I said, that would be such an amazing opportunity, right? And I started seeing red flags, right? I asked for financials, they didn't have them. I asked what's going to happen with the executive director that has been there for, for decades. And they're like, oh, well, he's going to stay. Are you okay with that? And at first I was like, well, Yeah, but I didn't even know what that meant, right? Because I've never been an executive director before, right? And so I took on this position and it was like red flag after red flag after red flag, but my Little teary brain of like, yeah, I'm so excited that somebody saw this in me, but I'll be okay. I'll be okay. So like going back to listening to your gut. Oh my gosh. Right. But, but once again, it was a great experience. And I'm so thankful for the opportunity because it taught me about myself and it helped me. Learn about like the deep, deep inner workings of my brain that I never would have tapped into had I not, had I not been in such a, uh, I don't want to call it a dire situation, but in a, uh, stuff got real, real fast. Right. So I, I took the job and, one of the biggest red flags was I show up because once I seen, I'm like, Oh my gosh, this is a lot of work and I need to get going right away. So I show up my first day. And then the person that, um, my co workers, I guess, technically now, right? My employees, really, I show up and I'm like, hi, you know, and it's almost like, why are you here?

Lynn: 44:03

Oh no.

Violeta: 44:04

And I'm like, because it's my first day. I'm thinking, yeah, so that was not a good start, right? So, but it was one thing after another, right? One thing after another. And I thought, listen to your

Lynn: 44:15

gut. Mm hmm. Mm

Violeta: 44:17

you, no, run, you should run. It takes those five seconds to really decide that, right? And so after, eight, nine months of that, and at first it was like, man, there's a challenge. but I started realizing that the financials were not clear. And so once I got my team to figure it out, it wasn't like, a couple of thousands of dollars. It was like hundreds of thousands of dollars. And I was like, Oh my gosh. But then my brain was like, great challenge. Let's figure this out. Let's raise, millions of dollars. And then when I stepped back and I said, am I doing this for me? Or am I really doing this for the people that we serve? And when I answered that question, I realized that, you know, I am here for community and to make better, to create better systems, right? And when decisions are made in a way that doesn't do that, it's not being true to myself, and it's also not being true to the people that I serve, the people that I work for, especially, you know, in a nonprofit setting. So one day, I literally woke up and I said, this is just not who I want to be. And so I remember writing a letter and I said, if you want this executive director to do X, Y, and Z, that's fine. It's just not who I want to be. So, as of now, as of this moment, I'm done. I'm resigning. if you don't want an executive director that's going to be there for community, that's going to make sure that there is a, there isn't a disruption, so that this, this system can have a different outcome for the, for the communities that we serve.

Lynn: 45:49

Mm.

Violeta: 45:50

If you want that, sign me up. But if you just want somebody to sign a paper to keep the status quo, I'm not it, right? But I, I remember turning that letter in on Friday and by Tuesday I was done. Like I walked away and it was right around this time I remember because the leaves were falling and I remember going up into the mountains and I didn't go through the grieving process. I went through the process of standing in my truth and letting those leaves fall and saying, great experience. It wasn't for me. And I'm ready to go back to what I was doing that I absolutely loved. And then I asked the question of what if, what if we had a better system to help women of color who are entering these high level positions thrive? What could that look like? And that is how I founded my current company. And, it was just such a natural progression, but I didn't go through the five stages of grief that time. I literally said, I'm going to stand in my power. And I'm going to create something to improve the system. I can't just complain about it now. I have to do something to help improve the system and also to help women see that there's nothing wrong with them. And that's how coaching came about. And that's how systems design came about from that last experience.

Lynn: 47:01

I love that. And that sounds like the clarity for the first time, maybe gave you that sense of relief. Like you are on the right. path. Is that, is that kind of what you were feeling of just like this release of burden?

Violeta: 47:17

Oh, absolutely. And it felt like the sky opened up and, you know, there was a moment of, of truth that was just like, Wait, what if I am exactly who I am and accept it and love that exactly for what it is? What could I create instead of trying to get validation from others? Because as human beings, we do seek that we like getting awards, we like being recognized. Yes, that's important. And when I realized that I'm like, wait a minute, what if I have exactly what I need inside, inside my brain, inside my body already, what could that look like? The power to just really just stand in that power. I don't see power as a tangible thing to be handed. It isn't, you know, it's an idea. And so, but knowing that, you know, we empower communities, we empower women, and I'm like, that's a bunch of, you know, it's just not accurate because we don't hand power, like say, Oh, here, let me give you some power. I can create a way for other people, right, to have opportunities. But I don't see power as a tangible thing to be handed. It isn't, you know, it's an idea. And so, but knowing that, The power in me, I can step into that power and create something that hasn't been created. That was really life changing for me, completely life changing to the point where I'm thinking now I want to create more of this for many more women. So if they want to stay in their high level position, great, let's do it. And if they say I'm done, okay, great. what now, what do we create? how do we create something that really is true to who you want to be and to, to what you have to give to the world? Because. The world needs you, right? You, just as you are. And when we try to change ourselves, we can't, we can't be that. And it's never good enough. And that's, that's a hard lesson

Lynn: 49:02

Oh my gosh. One, one hundred percent. The world needs you. just as you are. And I think when we try to put ourselves into boxes, when we try to change ourselves to fit into these systems that are not built for anyone other than a white man. it is just like robbing the world of our beauty and what we can contribute and what we can create. Can I ask you about, so the word empower has always felt Meh, not great to me. is there an alternative that you like? Is it activate power? It's not activate, when you support people to take their own power, how do you like to talk about it?

Violeta: 49:52

So I have a visual when, and I see it when I'm coaching my clients, it happens around session five, six, is that they stop believing all the Sticky bullshit is what I call it. You know, the sticky BS. We'll keep it PG. they stop believing on the sticky BS and they step into their power. So I like to use, I help, I help women, especially women of color step into their power because they've always had that power, you know, but when we give it away, then, then it feels like something that somebody has to hand back to us. so I help them redefine that because the behaviors, you know, for example, a good example when. When we're in conflict with somebody, with anybody, right? Our partners, our siblings, parents, whatever. The moment we start screaming, we give our power away. Because all of a sudden, we, we don't have control over what we think, what we say, or even what we do. And so when, when Women see that, wait, I don't have to scream to get my point across. As a matter of fact, I don't even have to get my point across, period. Like, if I could let go of trying to be right, that completely is a life changer, right? What if I just listen for understanding, listen for that other person's perspective? Then I'm stepping into my power because I'm calm and connected. I get to understand a little bit more about them. And it's not about proving myself at all. It's about just holding space for that other person to be just who they want to be. And you can say, I don't agree with that. I have a different perspective. But it is not your job to prove that you're right. And when they see that, they're like, Wow. Talk about life changing, right? Because this entire time they've been trying to prove themselves over and over and over again, and it's never good enough, right? And when they let go of trying to be right, when they let go of trying to prove anything, they realize, wait, I can write this story. Who do I want to be in this space? Even if this person is screaming, how do I want to show up in this space? is stepping into their power.

Lynn: 51:54

it's through That process of letting go. And as a coach, you're really helping them or creating space for them to really step into that power.

Violeta: 52:05

Yeah, and they have to see it, right? They have to see it before they can. I can't just tell them, you have power, you're giving it away. They're like, no, I'm not. They're the ones that are, you know, they're taking my power. And I'm like, okay. So it's a very interesting conversation. And like I said, it takes a couple of coaching sessions. To get them over the hump of saying, wait, my brain does that. I teach them about their brain. I teach them what they're creating. And then I ask them, do you want to continue creating that? Because you, you can choose to stay just as you are. And many times they'll say, no, no, no, I don't want that. And because sometimes they complain. I call it the mirror effect. They complain about their partners, disrespecting them. But they don't realize that by their actions, they're disrespecting themselves, right? And I asked, do you want that as your result? They're like, no, I don't want that. I want to show up as this. And I'm thinking, okay, great. Let's create that life for you. And

Lynn: 52:56

Yeah. Awesome. Oh my gosh. So powerful. I want to hire you immediately and I want to keep this conversation going, but, we can't, which makes me so sad because I, feel like, we could probably talk for hours. so Violeta, what advice would you give to others who are considering redrawing their path or trying something new?

Violeta: 53:19

I think just by the sheer nature that they're considering it is a huge first step because that, I think that disruption happens in your brain first to say, wait a minute, what I'm doing here, the pattern that I see in my life is not working for me. So just the fact that they say out loud, I want to redraw my path. I, you know, you use that phrase, I use disruption, but that is a necessary step in order to step into that path to say, oh, wait, now that I, I need to let go of the belief that it's supposed to be this way, I love asking the question, what if, what if you could redraw your path, what would you create? Right. So that's my first piece of advice is really looking at imagining what's possible and then also believing that anything is possible, right? Because why not think about all these gigantic businesses, right? All these of the billionaires of the world. You know, one of the things that I got to tell you, I want to redraw my path even now. Create a model. And this is just like, putting it out into the universe because that's how I manifest things. Create a model where it's great that I hear coaches become millionaires and have, you know, 50 million businesses or 100 million business. Good for you. Right? For me, I look at it as what would a system look like? To bring women along where we can have many millionaires and create a coaching brand, for example, where women are empowered to build their businesses, to learn how to coach, to learn how to train, to learn how to do workshops, all different things. So I want to build a school of some sort to really say, what does it look like to have a different economic, instead of just saying capitalism, one person gets rich off of other people's back, what would it look like to say anything is possible? And guess what? 50 women own this company. 100 women own this company. Thousands of women own this company. And we're all raising each other. As we go and teaching each other how to be the best coaches, we can be the best trainers, it can be. So I'm even doing this right. We, you know, as we, as we talk, because why not? No one's done anything like this before. And why not create more wealth for our women, for our women of color? Instead of just being bound to these big companies where we think, oh, making six figures is a great thing. And I'm thinking, but what if we could make more, right? Why not? And so that's the question I ask myself all the time. And that's really kind of what I'm working on now, among other things. And, That's something. Oh, I guess that we can talk about it now too, right? I have two projects going on right now. One is Launching my small coaching program because for me that not only creates accessibility, but also creates community, which is something I don't have right now. I do a lot of one on one coaching. I do a lot of team coaching and trainings, but I don't have this space where, where anybody could come, right? And say, Hey, I want coaching. And I want to listen to coaching calls, and one of the fascinating things about group coaching is that the questions that we are too afraid to ask for ourselves, somebody else asks, but we benefit from their coaching. So I love that because you get to hear the process of how they get coached and, and asking very vulnerable questions. And sometimes we have to build ourselves to ask those questions, but if somebody does it, you're like, wait, that benefited me too. So I want to create that and that's going to be launched by the time you release this podcast, which will be great. That's one thing. And then the second project I'm working on is writing a book. And this book is called Cultural Assets and Cultural Leave Behinds. And it's really about, as a Latina, as a woman, within my culture, just the conversation we had earlier about, you know, who wrote this book, right? Who wrote these messages that we end up internalizing and believing. But what if we didn't? So what I'm going to do is take all these nuanced messages and break them down. So a very famous one, and I hear it even from my mother. What will people think? What will people think? And I'm thinking, yeah, what will they, you know? So what if they think that? As a matter of fact, one of my favorite songs right now is called y que? In Spanish. And it's, so what? So what if you dress a certain way? So what if you show up a certain way? Why do you care? You know, why is it that we internalize this? And so looking at all these messages, and I'm sure you could probably think of some as, as a white woman, right? Being internalized and being socialized as a white woman. What messages have you held on to that we just need to say, you know what? That is a cultural leave behind. We don't need that message in our life, but what could we replace it with to become, more centered women that can step in for power? So that's my second project.

Lynn: 58:08

I love that. That's so great. Um, and I'm excited to read it. I know it probably won't come out for a while, but I am really excited to read it. And you heard it here first, folks, she's manifesting a school with a new economic model, and I love that. so where can people find you, Violeta?

Violeta: 58:31

So I, I hide behind the rocks. No, I'm just kidding. The place where I truly thrive is in LinkedIn because it's a professional space that, where I can share gold nuggets. And, but I got to tell you, I am not very active on social media and I think that's one of the interesting things that once I create more of a community, I feel like that'll grow a little bit more organically, I think. But it's interesting because a lot of people who launch businesses think that they have to have this massive following before they can launch. I have built my business all on what's called relationship marketing is the people that I know, the people that refer me to somebody else and they come to me and they know what my work looks like. And they're so excited to work with me, right. To just jump right in and work with me. So LinkedIn is my go to place right now. And I'm thinking down the road, I might activate a little bit more of the social media channels, you know, Instagram or things like that, but, but that's where I'm at. And, um, yeah, that's, thank you so much.

Lynn: 59:32

Thank you. LinkedIn is a platform of choice for this podcast, so I'm with you there, and yeah, I get drained so much, and we have to ask that question, what if? Social media weren't a, cornerstone of our life. Like, what if you could use that time for things that bring you joy? Dr. Violeta Garcia, I want to thank you so much for your time today.

Violeta: 59:56

Thank you Lynn. Thank you so much.

Lynn: 59:58

Awesome. Thank you, my dear. Hey, thanks for listening to Redraw Your Path with me Lynn Debilzen, If you liked the episode, please share and subscribe. That helps more listeners find me. And don't be shy, reach out and connect with me on LinkedIn. I would love to know what resonated with you. Can't wait to share more inspiring stories with you. See you next week.