Esteban Baez
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Fate Shifter podcast. My name is Esteban Bais. And together with Martin Altherr, We're going to be discussing the topic of how couples attract each other. Hi, Martin.
Martin Altherr
Hey, Esteban. How are you?
Esteban Baez
I'm good, man. This is a very exciting topic because I believe this affects everybody because everyone is in a relationship with someone in some way shape or form. But I think specifically today, we're talking about romantic relationships.
Martin Altherr
Oh, yes. We do.
But it also works with other kinds of relationships. Actually, it has also to do with business relationships. It has also to do with actually every kind of relationship.
But today, we focus a bit more on the love relationship, the romantic one.
Esteban Baez
Perfect. So let's get to it. how do couples attract each other?
Martin Altherr
That's actually a very simple one to answer, but there is one thing, I guess, that most people don't even know about. And, of course, the simple things are like... this olfactory thing, you know. It is this optical thing or the finances sometimes also play a role.
I mean, there are these 8 typical ones we know or most of us do know. But this one I want to explore today together with you is the one I bet most people don't even know about its existence.
And it is actually systemically and the imprints that attract couples. And now somebody who is new in this doesn't know these terms maybe exactly or our definition of these terms.
So I make a very short definition of it. Imprints are everything, that happens in your brainstem, which is coded from your youth or childhood between zero and seven years old, which you have just by observing in your environment and copy-pasting how your environment deals with life and surviving... You have copy pasted that.
And later when you're adult, when you come into a stressful situation, the brain stem has that like a backpack and is playing that full out by shutting down the frontal cortex and all your plans and mindset and all that stuff you normally have built is off and you start to react and act accordingly what the brainstem is dictating you to react.
That is what we call imprints or we talk when about imprints, that's the thing. And systemic entanglement is everything else that is the connection and the bond in a family that comes on a conscious energetic level and even on a biochemical level.
If you want to know a bit more about it, then just go a few episodes back, and there you will find... because we have talked specifically about these topics so that you know exactly what I'm talking about when I say, actually, the major attraction of a couple happens through imprints and systemic entanglements.
Esteban Baez
Okay. So we have the imprints, and we have the systemic entanglements. and we've done episodes already about these two topics. Now I do wanna clarify just for anyone that's never heard this before, what is the brainstem versus the frontal lobe or the frontal cortex, like you said?
Martin Altherr
Yeah. Okay. The brain stem is the part that is responsible for your survival. It's this fight, flight, freeze, reproduction... these 4 "f's". Right? And he's taking care of you and sets on all the time, and he feels the alert of something is not going the way he believes you can survive the best.
Then he goes on and shoots a hormone cocktail to the frontal cortex because the frontal lobe is responsible for your visions, your mindset, etcetera. and set it off.
You can feel that, and everybody can relate to that when you had a fight once. Fighting with somebody must not be physical but verbal...
And suddenly, you say, I cannot hold it anymore. You leave the room. You maybe bang the door. And then after 10, 15 minutes, you start to think, oh, this I could have said. Oh, this would have been a logical argument. Oh, this I could have said, etcetera, etcetera.
That is what's happening. The hormone cocktail releases and dissolves slowly in the body after 10 to 15 minutes, and that is where the frontal lobe starts to click in again.
So that is how you can feel, like "Ah, that's happening in my life when I suddenly don't know anymore what to say in an argument. When I don't know anymore how to fight back in an argument..." because the brainstem overtook your actions and let you just play down the codes that you have learned between zero and seven years old how to survive.
Esteban Baez
Ok. And how does this relate to relationships?
Could it be that we fall in love this way?
Is this what happens when we fall in love? We're no longer reasoning. You know what they say... You know, the song by Elvis "Fools rush in" Right? Or fools falling in love.
Martin Altherr
Yes, I do. And, yes, it's so. That song is not for nothing.
And, yes, what has that to do with imprints and systemic entanglements?
The systemic entanglements and the imprints are actually our core code. We are managing our lives. means everything, like money, like business, like love relationships, like everything.
And we start to observe by seeing another person, alone through their mimicking the behavior of the body, the movements and the expression through the body, and of course, also through the energetical area of the body... We start to scan.
The better, the patterns and imprints plus the systemic entanglements fit then to their own story the more they feel attracted. And it feels similar to love. It's like, that's a beautiful person. And after a while, you realize, I bumped again in the same story.
And that is because your brain stem leads you all the time in life to the right place where you see what you believe about life is the truth, and you create it, and you perceive it, and you can say: "You see, I was right. That's the truth."
But, actually, it's not. Actually, it's only the imprints and the systemic entanglements that are holding you in that place so long you don't transform them. And when you start to transform them, then you start also to look for another partner because now you have a completely different view of life.
You have a completely different expectation of how your partner plays out. Let me explain that in a specific situation. I guess that makes it the most clear.
When you are with parents, for example, where the father every time neglects the mother, and you are, let's say, a girl. You see that actually your father neglecting your mother all the time. Of course, that is kind of nervy, but on the other side, it imprints you, that women are in a relationship always neglected.
Then when you go to find a partner, you automatically feel attracted by somebody who is neglecting women in a relationship. And that person, of course, had parents that showed the same game on the other side around.
And so you fit actually perfectly like your parents, and you play the same game of relationship. And you feel like: "But I love him so much, although he's so bad to me, I love him so much."
And he says: "I love her so much, but she's so bad in reaction, but I love her so much."
But, actually, it's imprints and systemic entanglements that brought them together. Of course, that is not the only alone aspect. There is, of course, also love that really also plays in the game, but the systemic entanglements and the imprints are a very strong one.
When I'm working with couples, I almost every time see that a couple either is attracted by imprints only. That is a bit rare that it really is just through imprints and when they are attracted by imprints only, they will not find together anymore after dissolving that normally.
I had it once that really actually twice or thrice even that a couple after realizing that they were only attracted by imprints that they could after dissolving that and transforming it, they could start a real love. And then they said, that's a totally different quality of feeling. Every time they thought that it was love, but now they understand what love really means because now they feel it totally differently.
So that is maybe the best example to explain it.
Esteban Baez
Wow... you gave a lot in that section about how this stuff really works and I wanna talk a little bit more about love because you did speak about the imprints, and you did make a distinction that there's a difference between imprints and actually love.
So it means, like, we do attract our partners by imprints as one way but we can also fall in love and sometimes we could just be attracting a partner just because our imprints match.
Is this why they say that you usually end up marrying a version of your parents? So they say that you attract someone that reminds you of the same environment you had when you were a kid?
Martin Altherr
Here we go. Exactly that is the thing. And I was the same! When I realized that I actually married a sort of my mother, in behavior, in thoughts, in reaction, in so many things. I was so shocked!
I mean, I realized that first very much later. But just to say, it is very much that way, and many people know that. They even say: "Yeah, the first marriage was actually the try to marry somebody who is like my father/mother.
Normally then, they start a kind of either transformational work or coachwork or something where they start to transform in a way. And often, what I see, they don't go really through a complete transformation.
They go through breakthroughs. where they have insights and know where to look at. But in the end, they bump again into a similar one or into somebody who has still aspects of it.
If you go through a real transformation, you never ever bump anymore in somebody who has that, because you're out of it. You are then really yourself.
Esteban Baez
Ok, So how about certain imprints that are healthy? Are there healthy imprints you know, that someone might seem when they were growing up, and now they attract the right partner?
You know, what about the people that you know, some people marry their high school sweetheart and years later they're still married, right? And they seem at least to be happy and have a good quality relationship.
Does it always... what are the other possibilities? I mean, is there a possibility of falling in love with one person and being together with them for the rest of your life?
As you know, I live here in the States. I don't know what it's like in other countries, but divorce is a common thing, especially nowadays. Everybody, it seems like everybody's having children and getting divorced.
And I've been divorced. So Is there a possibility for people to fall in love and be in a relationship with someone and attract the right partner the first time around?
Martin Altherr
Absolutely. That's possible. I mean, when we talk about imprints and systemic entanglements, we don't talk about, like, that's always crap. It's just that if things are not working in your life, if things are not playing for you, if they're playing against you, then you have for hundred percent sure either an imprint or a systemic entanglement or even an epigenetic coding that is playing against you.
And this is not your fate. It is something that's playing against you. You can do something about it. You can transform it. And through this, you shift your faith.
Esteban Baez
Okay. That sounds great. Now you spoke about falling in love or being in an attraction where there are only imprints taking place. Right? Then there's the other version you spoke about, which is there's love and imprints.
Is there anything else?
Martin Altherr
Yes. There is the third one. Pure love. That can happen. Pure love. It's also a rare one, but it happens. And it happens all the way again and again. The thing is here again... If you are really in pure love, nothing plays against you.
Everything works fine. You have, although, also to learn other things. How to lead a relationship, how to do different things... When you are attracted by pure love. I mean, it's not that the learning has not ended just because you fell in love with true and pure love.
You have to learn how to respect your partner, and how to deal with your partner. Does it make sense to make compromises in a relationship? No. It doesn't. It makes only sense to have solutions.
Do I need to know exactly how my partner ticks? Do I really need to know the depth of how my partner functions? Like, you know, like, an owner manual?
Yes. You have to, because if you don't, you're gonna play wrong.
I promise you! You're gonna play wrong. Because you cannot know your partner that deep. You learn by years, by being together, you learn about your partner, and you learn more and more.
The easiest way to keep that in a good place is to constantly work on it and to constantly leverage everything you learn and bring it into your relationship to make it even more exciting, make it even more powerful, and to make it deeper.
Esteban Baez
Now you did speak about compromise, and you said, that it doesn't make sense to do compromise. A lot of people believe they have to compromise in a relationship. So can you expand a little bit about compromises?
Martin Altherr
Yes. I can, and I gladly do. Guess what happens? When you make a compromise, one is winning, the other one is losing, or both are losing. In general, both are losing, especially in the relationship.
Let's take an example. Let's take the example of buying a sofa.
You go in the store, the guy, typically, I take now a bit, the typical, Okay? The guy typically says: "Ah, she is the one who decorates. She is the one who makes the designs. I just follow her. I'm just with her."
And then she says: "Oh, look, that sofa."
And he thinks, oh, my gosh. Please not that one. And he says: "Maybe we find another one, baby.
And she says: "Ok, let's have a look." And then she says: "Oh, with that one, I'm in love."
And he thinks, uh-oh. It's not going to get good. And then he says: "Look, here that one."
And she says: "This one? Really? seriously? that's so male. That's so typical like you! That's only for you! Let's find something better."
And you start and go maybe a whole day from store to store. And with time you give up and say: "Okay, Let's make a compromise. That one was the best option. Let's take that one. I'm okay with that, baby.
And she says: "I'm so happy. Thank you so much."
Okay. So far so good. Now you made a compromise Now you go home, and every evening when you come home and you look at that sofa, something is bothering you. I promise it. Subconsciously, it will... Often, it will even consciously bother you.
You think, oh, that sofa. Actually, I should have said something. But you haven't you have made a compromise, so You have to accept it. Right?
Now you come in a situation where there is an argument going on. You have an argument with her. You start to fight maybe even. And now when you fight with her, then it breaks out of you and you say: "You see! Again, I have to make a compromise. Again, I have to adjust. I adjusted the last time. This time, it's your turn."
So now both have lost. Okay?
So what is here meant by a solution? You have to go, and even if you have to go a second day, even you have to go another day, you have to go to find the perfect sofa. A sofa both are absolutely excited about and happy with.
It takes a bit more time, and often people say, yeah, we don't have the time!
Question!
Don't you have the time to find a solution, or do you think shortening that time is worth losing the relationship after a while?
I think better if you take your time and you keep your relationship and you are happy in your relationship, and you're excited about everything you shared together in the relationship, and that needs solutions.
Compromises are actually the death of a relationship.
Esteban Baez
Gotcha. Because compromise is creating either a win-lose situation or a lose-lose situation just to get the step over with.
So what you're saying is: "Don't compromise find solutions, find win-win scenarios."
I think that's what you mean by that.
Martin Altherr
Absolutely, that's the thing! Because only when you have a win-win, you have a pure win. Right?
Because otherwise, you have 50% okay, 100% okay, but it's not 200%. And we know in a relationship, it must be 200%. Each of both has to bring 100%, which makes 200% to make it equal.
Esteban Baez
Wow. So that covers that. That's that's good. Thank you for clarifying that. So let's talk about love.
How do we know which one of the 3 we are in? How do we know if we have found true love? And we're in a truly loving relationship. How do we know if we're just in a loving relationship but also in an imprint relationship as well? And how do we know if we're just on an imprint?
Martin Altherr
I make it even more difficult now by saying, look. And there is actually another level as well, which is then the hormonal situation of you. If you are in a specific hormonal state, you feel horrendously attractive.
And it's like you put on pink glasses and you don't see anything anymore. You just see what your hormones need, and what they need to fulfill. And that feels also like love.
And, actually, this love feeling we often feel is actually hormonal love and not true love. Whoo. What does that mean? So we go here actually and a level higher by going to the energetical experience of love.
And that is something you feel in it a very different way. You feel that intuitive, and it has nothing to do with this strong longing. It has nothing to do with this being pulled to somebody. It has to do something with being with somebody and feeling this vibration that just completes the whole situation among you when you are together. And that is true love.
Esteban Baez
So you have to be in tune with your energy, with your vibration. So I guess that's something that that you get good at. How do you get good at feeling your vibration and knowing that you are in harmony?
Martin Altherr
There are many possibilities. One of those is for sure to meditate, to get aware of your energetical field. I mean, when you never have meditated, you have to start just by learning to focus and center yourself.
And after that, you start to become more and more aware of everything else that makes you as well because we are human beings, and being human doesn't mean we are a body having a soul, we are a soul having a body.
It would go even deeper saying we are a higher consciousness having a body, experiencing this reality we go through. We call this "matrix" the world.
Esteban Baez
Good. So that kinda answers that in a sense.
So we gotta practice meditation. You highly recommend learning to know your energy and yourself through the practice of mindfulness or meditation.
So... good. I don't think I have any more questions in mind. I think we covered a lot of things today about relationship. Is there anything else you would like to share before we close this episode today?
Martin Altherr
Yes. I would like to add. I mean, that with the meditation was already something you need discipline you have to work on, which can be already for somebody who's very new to this, very tiring and even exhausting, and then you drop it again and you don't play that game anymore. You don't go deeper into it.
So if you just sit here and you just feel how you feel in your body, and then if you try to feel how you feel around your body. And if you start to become aware of that, there is a difference in quality between how you feel in the body and how you feel around the body.
That is something very simple that doesn't need a lot of meditation practice that you can do immediately and instantly. You can just take a moment, a place where you are not distracted by anything, and you just sit or you stand or you lay down. It doesn't matter which position you take and you just be aware of how do I feel in my body and how do I feel around my body.
And the thing you feel when you start to focus on around your body is your energetical field. And maybe you can also understand it that way. When you are sitting in the room, you maybe have suddenly the feeling you sit next to somebody you have never seen before, and you feel like, oops, it pushes you away.
You don't feel comfortable next to that person. Or the other way around, you feel extremely comfortable next to that person. That is already when energies around your body start to match or mismatch.
When it's not a match, then you feel it. Actually, you feel it automatically. You just have the idea. I don't like that person, but how can you know? You don't even know that person. but you have that strong feeling.
So, that's like an intuitive thought. But in fact, it is when the energy fields start to touch each other, the vibrations start to exchange information you feel that's not a vibration that fits me, and then you distance yourself.
So that is what is around your body is the first step towards your higher consciousness in your energy field, and there you can make the distinction between the physical body and between the energetical body.
And there are two different qualities of feeling. That is how you get very quickly there to feel it and to understand it.
Esteban Baez
That's amazing. So what would you say, Martin, to someone that has felt that in their relationship, you know, maybe they have children together, maybe they don't? But let's say they do have children together, and let's say that they've been together for so long, and they truly feel like they love each other.
But they always have this feeling around this person that maybe the energy is off, maybe they're not matching. What should someone do if they find themselves in a situation where they truly feel like they love their partner, but the energy is no longer there? They feel a mismatch of energy.
Martin Altherr
Can happen over time. Right?
It's like getting bored or it's like being empty. or like being. I mean, when you take a garden and you plant nice plants and all these plants when you buy them, they have flowers, right? You put them there, and it looks beautiful in that garden.
But you don't do anything. You don't nurture the soil. You don't give water. And after a few weeks, you have actually desert again, or let's say just a grass ground, and the flowers are gone, The beauty is gone. Nothing is there anymore.
That is one thing that can happen in relationships specifically when both partners are super involved in what they have to do through daily life in order to survive and keep the family surviving.
And that's the horrible thing especially nowadays. So many people are exactly in this rat race trap that there's so much involved in what they have to deliver that they cannot live anymore the relationship and then they forget to keep the focus on it.
There are secrets to it. And there are secrets to how to deal with that. There are many secrets to a blooming relationship. And actually, I would say if somebody really wants to know about that, he should maybe check out our "Relationship Secrets Masterclass" because there, you get really the information.
And if you don't want to go that far as a first step, there is an ebook you can download, which is about the secrets of how to find true love without having your heart broken. There, you get already some insights into how you can immediately fix that garden, which is not anymore blossomy, which is just a bit dirty and grayish brownish, and how to give there a bit of nurture to the soil.
How these plants can get up again to have a blossoming garden again. And then from there, you can even go deeper if it's needed. to get more help and more insight into it, which would be then the masterclass.
Esteban Baez
That's awesome that you have resources. You've taken the time to write books. You've taken the time to create masterclasses.
So anyone that's watching or listening, whether you're listening to the podcast or you're watching us through video... Know that you can visit martinaltherr.com and you can get access to a lot of of Martin's material.
I really enjoy today's message. I think it's very helpful, and I think a lot of people are gonna get massive value from this. And remember to watch or listen to our previous episodes about some of the topics that we touched on today.
So, again, thank you, guys, so much for watching!
Martin. Thank you so much for today's message.
Thank you guys again. And please stay tuned for our future podcast episodes that we're gonna be producing constantly delivering value to all of you. Thank you for watching and thank you for listening.