Esteban Baez
Hello everyone and welcome to the Fate Shifter podcast. My name is Esteban Baez
and today, together with Martin Altherr, we're going to be discussing the topic of the three secrets for everlasting loving relationships. Hey, Martin. How's it going?
Martin Altherr
Hi Esteban, actually not too bad I caught a cold, so I may cough, so please take my apology for that. If it's happening, I say it already in advance because I'm feeling a bit like... you know that feeling when you have like a dust cap on your head?
It's like it feels a bit weird. But I'm here, I'm excited to talk about these three secret keys for a loving love relationship or for having a loving relationship that never ever will be breakable anymore.
It sounds really kind of like too good to be true. No, it's not. It's possible. And after today, you will agree with me. If both partners apply these three secret keys, their love relationship will definitely be unbreakable.
Esteban Baez
That's incredible because these days, the statistics say that out of five people that get married, I believe three or four end up in divorce. So thinking about family and children, this is a topic that is worth discussing.
And many of our listeners or viewers have probably been in more than one relationship or maybe more than one marriage. And you always think when you're going through a divorce you're like, I'm never going to do this again.
So I'm interested. I am personally in my second marriage right now, so my first marriage didn't work out. So I'm very interested because obviously when you get married again, you want it to work, you want to make sure you can have a beautiful relationship with your partner.
So what are the three secrets?
Martin Altherr
If I would throw them out now, we can go home in 30 seconds.
Actually, it's a bit of explanation around it and I would like to talk a bit maybe also about what you were saying.
We have this rate also here in Europe about a bit more than 50% of all marriages are getting divorced. So it's a high number and as we know, children are paying the price, right?
So I would like to talk about what is actually behind this.
So many couples start a relationship and get into a marriage almost the next day and have no chance to make it happen in the long term.
The first thing is, of course, as we were talking already about entanglements, imprints, and all that stuff. I hope... if you have not heard about it yet... please go back, and listen to the other episodes we have made.
We have talked about imprints, we have talked about systemic entanglements and what is it doing in your life, and when you are able to access them to change them, you can literally shift fate. So please go there, listen to it so that you're up to date with what we are talking about today.
But before I get into these three secret keys I want to give an example of my second marriage. Guess what, I was also once married and divorced, and from that moment on I started really to search for what are the keys that make love relationships happen.
What is it that really brings a couple together without ever having to go away from each other again? Because it just matches, it just works. It just really works out again.
One of the things is to dissolve the imprints or let's say add the information that was missing to transform the imprints. And we're talking also about the differences between breakthrough and transformation.
So you have really to make a transformation, transform the systemic entanglements. And when you have done this then you are ready for the next best step which is to start to discuss a relationship.
And that is something most people have not on their plan or their list to discuss a relationship.
That is what I did with my nowadays wife. We are now ten and a half years together, nine years married and we have never ever had a fight since we are together. Never ever.
Just imagine this, we never had a fight. Now somebody might maybe say yeah but the relationship without fighting is not a relationship.
Esteban Baez
Yeah, I was going to say that. I was going to say we hear a lot that if people don't fight then there's probably not a healthy relationship. Is that true?
Martin Altherr
That is totally BS. It's not true because why do you fight? Give me one reason why you should fight with the person you love the most. Is there any reason you should fight against the one you love the most?
There is something wrong with the imprint if you believe that you have to fight against the person that is actually in love with you and who you are in love with.
It's totally nuts to think and believe something like that. If you look from that perspective right when you say hey, we came together to love each other and now we have to fight against each other, there's something wrong.
That has nothing to do with relationships, that has something to do with things that are not yet properly solved. That is why you have to fight. That is why you're fighting. Not because your relationship is healthy.
If you need to fight it's actually unhealthy. That is why you have to fight. And by the way, there is a very nice saying, a very nice quote that says do you know why you have to shout in a fight?
The reason is that you're so far from your love's heart that you have to bridge the distance so that he can still or she can still hear you. The closer you come with your hearts, the less you have to shout. And that is why couples never shout in each other's ears "I love you".
They whisper it. "I love you" because they are close enough with their hearts, with their mouths, with their ears and they can whisper it.
So that's the reason why you have to shout because you have to bridge the distance you have created. We can take it from that aspect. But I would like to go even deeper into that.
When I talk about preparation and discussing a relationship we know every couple has its own conditions. In the sense every single individual in a relationship has their own conditions like what do I want, what do I expect, and what do I think is important? And this has to be discussed.
I mean, you come from a family that has imprinted you, that has given you all the values of life and you meet somebody else who has maybe completely different values of life given by their family. So when they meet together, they have to lay out all their expectations, all their beliefs, all their wants, and find and create a new system of how a relationship works. They have to create their own.
They have to make it their own. And that is what exactly my nowadays wife and I did. We had a far distance relationship of about 12,000 km we were distanced from each other. And in that time we had almost every single day a 1-hour to 2-hour call where we were discussing our relationship or how we think our relationship should be applied to each other.
So we were going into depth of it one and a half years long before we decided to get married. And if a couple would do that for one and a half years or one year, even half a year would be already way more than nowadays couples are doing before they get married.
When they really would discuss what they expect from life. How they think about life, and how they could create their own rule of what they believe they want to give to their children. Because that's the next story, right?
I hear it so often if you will raise our children that way then I'm going to divorce you. But actually, it has nothing to do with the relationship, it has just to do with your own thoughts, how you believe the children have to be raised, the other one believes it differently because you come from two different families and the disaster is already there.
So that is what I highly advise to all couples out there. Have first a time and discuss how you want to lead a relationship, and how you want to have it. And don't be afraid that the other one says that sounds weird to me, I don't like that.
Then find a solution to how it could work. And if you can't find solutions for important things. Guess what, you should not marry because it's going to break out then in the relationship, right?
Esteban Baez
So it seems like in a healthy relationship... It seems like communication is key. The communication of value, of your personal values and your upbringing and your preferences and your desires. All of this stuff needs to be communicated prior to entering into a loving relationship with someone.
Martin Altherr
Not only communicated but also negotiated. I mean if one says: "It's very important that in a love relationship, we go every day to church and the other one says: "Weekend... Okay... but not every day."
We have already a mess. I tell you after a year or two you have definitely already a mess because the one thinks I will find a way to convince the other one to do it the way I want it and it's not going to happen. And then the mess is going on.
Esteban Baez
Why do people do that? Especially, I see this among the ladies or the feminine energy when they try to get into a relationship with someone. I'm sure men do it too. They're trying to convince them later about their point of view and they are completely convinced that they can persuade them and then "it's too late" once they're inside.
Martin Altherr
It is not only a women thing, it's exactly also a man thing. Both believe it the same way that's a human thing because we have risen in a specific way. So we believe that's our reality and our reality is the best reality to survive, right?
So that is the reality we have to give to the other one and we have slowly step by step to convince the other one about that very nice way to live life and survive in life. But that's not a fact because there are variants.
I would say we have roundabout, let's say rounded 8 billion people on this planet. So we have 8 billion realities on this planet and already twins in a family will have different experiences and have different perceptions of life and different beliefs at the end, how they leave their life.
So just imagine it is immense and you have to discuss that because if you don't discuss it, guess what's going to happen? You're going to have a fight. And one fight leads to the next, the next to the next, the next to the next. And in the end, you have the trash and you just leave frustrated on both sides.
Of course, there are a lot of imprints and systemic entanglements helping to continue exactly this frustration to continue that manner of doing things. And maybe that answers the question "Why are people doing that?" the best.
Why human beings are doing that? Because they're imprinted and systemic entangled on it. And that is the way they believe. That is just their fate. And it's not. They just have to learn, that's not their fate. They can change that. They can shift that. They can have a completely different opinion at the end, even maybe an opinion they never thought that they will end up there.
But you have to work through it until you get there because you have to find a solution for both. Right? We were talking also already, I guess about compromise and solution. And you should never go into a compromise because when you go into a compromise, you lose. The one or the other and in the end both.
So you have to find solutions and you have to create them. And that is a creative process, a beautiful process. And when you have found that and created that, guess what? Then you are in a completely different level of relationship.
That's the first thing. And second of all, you provide a space for your children where they feel that both parents are leading them to the same goal. This means also introducing to them that when they have then later their partners, they're going to do the same, that they're going to create again a new thing.
Esteban Baez
I like that. And Martin, I want to clarify one thing. Fighting versus disagreements, or is that the same thing? Could you be in a relationship and still have a disagreement but you're not fighting? Could you talk about it?
Martin Altherr
That's a very good question and it's a very important one. Of course, you can disagree all the time. I mean, you can disagree, let's say two, three, four, or five times a day. That's okay. As long you have the skills to find a solution to your disagreement, everything is fine.
So even the other one will not be bothered by when you say, hey listen, I disagree with that. Let's find a good solution. We both love to do and both decide to do that. And guess what?
Then they have a solution and they are both fine again. So disagreement, of course. I mean, you're an individual. You have individual needs. You have individual ideas also about life. And when you say I want to go into a relationship, then you have to find solutions together with your partner.
A Relationship is not a single thing. It's a relationship thing. It's a partnership thing. It's something two people do together. And the thing that both people need to be able to thrive, need to be able to grow, need to be able to live life at its best.
Esteban Baez
So when you're saying fighting, I think you're referring to being in a situation that can seem toxic, where people are just harming themselves constantly and thinking that they're with the right person.
Martin Altherr
It's very simple. If somebody has to raise his voice and if somebody has to push against the other, we call already that thing verbal violence. And if somebody has to use verbal violence, conscious or unconscious, wanted or unwanted, doesn't matter if somebody has to use verbal violence against the other one, you're already not anymore in the right pool because you're out of love.
You're not anymore in the pool of love. And when you are in a love relationship, it's called a love relationship, then you should be in the pool of love with your relationship because otherwise, it's not going to work out.
Esteban Baez
I love it. I really love that. I've never heard the term verbal violence. That's pretty cool. So that just brought an AHA moment in my mind. It was just like, okay, I get it. So let's get into the three secrets. Did you already unveil the first secret?
Martin Altherr
No, not at all.
Esteban Baez
Okay.
Martin Altherr
I would love to also reveal something else and I call it the owner manual. When you start a relationship, you should give your partner an owner manual about yourself, how you function, what is very important for you, what is, what is, what is, what is, which trigger is going to trigger, what... means you have to be very self-reflected.
But having this and giving this owner manual is a very powerful thing. And let me explain that on a story of a couple that came once to me.
They were already married many years and she was pulling him into my practice and was starting to talk and what is not good and what is not right... and, and, and, and, and, blah, blah, blah.
It went and went and went and she started really to power up and fire up and I could see how his neck started to swell and I thought: "Whoa, there will come the moment where he explodes."
And the moment came and he exploded and said, I brought you every single evening a bunch of flowers. And as if she was in a mechanism, she was shouting back, what can I do with this broom thing when I need a hug? And I was looking at them and said: "Wow."
And then it was very quiet. Suddenly they realized actually what was going on. They looked both a bit ashamed to the ground and I said: "Hey, listen guys, you want to tell me you're so many years married and you never talked about what you really want and what you really need?
Then they were very quiet again and then we could start to work and then it had a very fruitful end. In the end, they had then the fulfilling relationship they were looking for. It took about twelve sessions, but they were there then.
That is an example of the owner manual. If you don't know what the other one really needs, you believe you give something very good because you believe it's good, but the other one just doesn't need it at all. He or she needs something completely else.
An owner manual is very helpful. If my partner tells me, hey, listen, give me not a single bunch of flowers every single day. Give me every single day a hug for more than 20 seconds. Because then the real flows are starting to happen.
...The hormonal bond starts to happen when you go longer than 20 seconds in a hug and do that... that is what fulfills me. Then I do this gladly and with time it comes automatically and is perceived like wow, he's delivering everything I need and suddenly the partner is the hero for you.
So that is the thing with the owner manual. But now we get to the three secret keys. So let me get there to the first one, the very first key. And it's really to understand... the partners, they have to agree upon that. It's like a contract they signed that they're going to behave like this. That's very important.
So the first key is:
when it hurts, what your partner says must be a misunderstanding. You have to treat it generalized as a misunderstanding when it hurts, because we have it very often in the relationship, somebody says something and the other one thinks: "Ha, he wants to hurt me and I hurt back" and the other one feels hurt because actually he didn't want to hurt and hurts back a bit harder. And so you go already into a downward spiral in your relationship.
So when it hurts, say wait a second, it was hurting me, I have to communicate, I have to say hey, listen, that was painful because I understood it that way and I'm sure it's a misunderstanding, but let me ask you, how did you mean it? And if that happens, guess what?
The partner can say oh, I didn't want to hurt you, I just meant it actually like this and this and this and this. And then it's suddenly like oh, if I understood that from the very beginning like that, I would not have been hurt.
But now I understand, so I can release it, I can be fine again. So that's the easy way. Now comes a bit the more difficult way it can happen that the partner said something out of a mood that was hurting and he was just not thoughtful, or she was just not thoughtful and the partner says: "Hey, that hurts, what have you meant with that?"
And then sometimes the partner realizes what happened and tries to go with a so-called white lie around the thing. I didn't mean it like that, I meant it like this. Allow your partner to get out of the trap. Because if you fix the partner now in the trap, there is no other choice but to say yes, I wanted to hurt you.
But it was not like that. It was just not thoughtful, it was not thinking at the moment, it was just out of a mood, shooting out a word or a sentence that was hurting. Giving now to the Partner the chance to escape this to make it fine again and deliver it in the right way.
Now you could say, but when I do that all the time he could betray me all the time, could tell me lies every day and I'm at the end just nowhere anymore.
No. Because you both have written in the contract that you treat it when it hurts, as a misunderstanding. So when the other one tries to get out and you realize that you can say:
"Listen, I understand it happened for no reason. Maybe you were thoughtless, maybe it was because you just were not in the mood. Maybe something is bothering more deeper than this and now you want to get around it by bringing up a white lie excuse. I respect that because I see by saying this that you didn't want to hurt me. I understand you did not want to hurt me and that's fine for me."
So the other one knows also... Okay, it's addressed, you caught him or her, you understood what's happening here and you are fine again.
And then the one who escaped the trap can come and say: "Okay, but to make it good again, look, here is a hug or whatever the one decides then to comfort the partner for what just happened by hurting the partner, to balance again the hurt into something positive. So that's the key, number one. That is what you have to take.
Esteban Baez
That's powerful. And it seems like we're going back to having genuine communication with your partner. I like the idea, the concept of the first secret, which is both of you are going to agree that anytime we feel hurt that we're just having a misunderstanding and we just need to clarify.
That's perfect because if you experience pain or hurt from your partner, you're not automatically saying oh, they did this on purpose. You can talk about it and you can share.
That takes a lot of skill, especially if you've been in a situation where you're constantly thinking they're out to get you. Which again goes back to probably an imprint or a systemic entanglement situation.
Martin Altherr
That's the reason actually why this concept would not work. If the imprints and the systemic entanglements are clarified, you can live that concept absolutely powerfully, and freely.
Because you never will feel any more attacked. You never feel any more hurt. Of course, it can also... I say sometimes something to my wife and she says:
"Ouch, that is painful. Why are you saying that to me?"
And I say:
"Whoa, wait a second, I didn't want to hurt you. What happened? How did you understand it?"
And then she explains to me and I realize, oh, actually you're right. When I listen now to what you tell me, I could have understood it also that way. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I meant it that way and I wanted to say this and then she can say oh, okay, now I don't need to be hurt anymore.
Then you just have actually to wait until these 10 to 15 minutes are passed because that is where the shot-up hormones dissolve.
Even if you are very well trained, hormones are shooting up in your body. You have a human body. You have to wait 10 to 15 minutes and then the hormones are again dissolved in your body, so you're again in a normal state, and then you can continue your relationship.
So, as you say, it's a powerful thing. And of course, you have to transform your imprints and your systemic entanglements to be able to keep that "contract" alive.
Esteban Baez
Sounds good. So what's secret number two?
Martin Altherr
Yes, secret number two is also a very nice one.
Actually. everybody knows it. And when I say it now, you might say: "Come on. Really?"
Yes, really!
Treat your partner every single day the way you treated your partner when you wanted to win him/her as your partner. Very simple. When you do that every day. When you give attention to your partner, when you show your best chocolate side to your partner when you prepare yourself to look nice for your partner, when you are always busy to really give this joy to your partner being the number one, guess what?
Your partner plays that back to you and plays the same thing. Guess what?
It goes up and up and up and up and up and up. It's never going down then. Because you constantly treat each other the way you were treating each other when you wanted to get into a love relationship while courting each other. Right?
And that's a very powerful tool. Most people know, but completely underestimate the impact of it.
Esteban Baez
It seems like we got to constantly court and date our partner. So it's not about I guess, especially with men. I think I could be over-generalizing. Men are like hunters, right?
They're going after the woman and they win her and then, all right, that's it, we're done. No more dating, no more going out on dates, no more doing all this romance type of stuff because you already know who I am, so why do I have to take you out on the date?
Martin Altherr
Okay, there is a message for the man out there. Just imagine when you go hunting, you've shot and you have now the head of the animal and you hang it somewhere on the wall. Is that the way you want to treat your partner?
Esteban Baez
No! Exactly. I get it. That's a good one. Good point.
Martin Altherr
And just imagine now when you would be with your partner as you were in the beginning.
Often I observe it can happen also for women, that women suddenly start to reduce and reduce and reduce the passion of giving and creating and taking care.
Often saying, it is because he doesn't care anymore. But actually, it's happening because they don't fulfill rule number one. When it hurts, it must be a misunderstanding, because then they feel hurt, they don't say anything. And by feeling hurt and hurt and hurt naturally of course they stop courting the partner the same way as they did in the beginning which hurts the partner and the partner also stops doing things and again they're in the negative spiral.
So it's very important to see here these keys. You have to apply them constantly and you have to be aware of them constantly. And if you are aware of them constantly you are 100% sure you will not get...
...already with these two keys you cannot any more leave actually or lose the relationship. Because if you're constantly taking care of your partner, if you constantly attract your partner if your partner constantly attracts you, and of course the relationship also moves from level to level to level that means different needs, new things to do, et cetera.
It's never ever boring. It's always very exciting and very fresh and new because new levels are reached. New levels bring new insights, new insights bring new experiences, et cetera.
So you're constantly actually in a fire of love and you will never leave that because you're so full of love and so filled with love, fulfilled with love so that you have a fulfilling love relationship. Why you should leave that? ...Never ever, right?
Esteban Baez
Right. But that's why people say we always hear the saying relationships take work. But I guess it's the work that you naturally did in the beginning which was to court your partner and to plan out what the next thing is.
Where am I going to take this person on a date? Or what do I want this person? What kind of gift can I give to this person? Or the affection, being affectionate.
I mean that's what you do when you're in the early phases of love, right? You're constantly figuring out how to outgive to your partner.
Martin Altherr
Here I have a nice quote from a musician that fits perfectly here especially when it comes to work. Nobody said it's an easy task. Nobody said it's no work. Yes, it is work, and yes, it's not always an easy task.
It can become more and more easy the more you evolve and develop yourself. The more you transform your imprints, the more you transform your systemic entanglements of course the more easy it becomes.
So he was a piano player and he was doing concerts all over the planet and was very, very famous. I just forgot his name. I'm very sorry for that. But the quote is tremendously powerful.
He said:
"When I'm not exercising one day I realize it.
When I'm not exercising for two days, my students realize it.
When I'm not exercising for three days, the whole world recognizes it."
And that's the same with the love relationship. If you don't take care of your love relationship one day, you realize. If you don't do it the second day, your partner realizes. If you don't do it on the third day, everybody around you realizes it.
Esteban Baez
Well, it sounds like taking a shower. Maybe you skip a day, right? And you're like, okay, maybe I should shower.
Martin Altherr
It depends on what you have eaten.
Esteban Baez
Right! I'm just being funny.
But after three days of not bathing and you go out, everybody's going to know, hey man, this person smells kind of funny.
Martin Altherr
It's the same concept. You're absolutely right.
It's really true. You have to constantly take care of it. And that's what makes a love relationship also so special.
When both are really committed to taking care of that every single day, that makes it so special.
And there is another saying that says to fall in love is the flower of the moment and to experience love is the fruit of time, right?
So if you go through a relationship, then you have first to earn the fruit of time. And that takes time and needs care.
And most people, don't even reach the state of turning from a "flower" into a "fruit". They just break up already very early because they don't have the power because they are frustrated because they don't know what is behind it.
They don't know that their imprints and systemic entanglements actually are the thing that majorly is leading them to not feeling and experiencing success. They believe that's their fate.
They believe: "I bump always into the wrong one."
But it's not true. It's just their imprints and their systemic entanglements that have to be transformed to shift their fate. To then be able to say: "Wow, I bumped into the right one. And since then we just take care of each other."
The third key I have not yet spoken about, but we have these two keys, and alone these two keys would completely shift the love relationship if we constantly start to apply these two keys, right?
Esteban Baez
I love it. And just listening to these two keys, I can already see that I can enhance and optimize my current relationship just by focusing on this, on the second key and even the first key just to make sure that if anything happens that I'm not going to take it personal.
I'm just going to talk about it and know that it was not done intentionally to hurt me. And I just love that.
Martin Altherr
Yeah.
Esteban Baez
What's secret number three?
Martin Altherr
It's the same powerful! Let's go to secret number three. Actually, I call it "Outsmart the odds".
What is meant by that? When you discuss with your partner, for example about raising a child, then you have actually to discuss how to raise your child and not about the relationship.
Most partners "in crime" make a big mistake when they start to have a conversation or a discussion about two different, totally different opinions, then they start to discuss the relationship.
Suddenly the relationship is not good anymore. Suddenly maybe they have to divorce. "If you don't follow my advice, I have to divorce if you don't do the way I do" and so on...
Instead of just discussing what is to discuss. And that's the third thing, which is so often seen and which I see very often with couples when they come for my expertise. I see that even in the room when they start to talk, or online when they start to talk...
because I do my work globally and through that we have often our calls on Zoom. And when I talk with them and they talk with each other, I suddenly see how they come for a certain issue and suddenly they discuss the relationship.
But the relationship is not the topic, the issue is the topic.
And when they do not take care of that constantly, they're going to discuss every time the relationship, "Oh, that person hurt me", "my partner hurt me", or "I have to leave".
No! my partner hurt me, I have to discuss it. That must be a misunderstanding, what happened, et cetera, et cetera.
So the third key is not as huge as it sounds, but it's super impactful if you constantly concentrate on what is the topic instead of the relationship. Because the relationship is usually not the problem.
The problems are the topics we discuss, we nag about. The more everything is getting frustrated, the more the toothbrush, if it is left and right positioned, is a huge discussion.
And then you start to discuss these two toothbrushes and at the end, you end up discussing the relationship. And to break up because of two toothbrushes that were not in the right way. How insane is that?
Esteban Baez
It's never about the toothbrush.
Martin Altherr
Exactly, it's never about the toothbrush, and also not about the toothpaste, by the way.
So it's really the topic they need to discuss. Discuss it. If that is a problem that the toothbrush goes left and right, okay, then let's find a solution that it goes always right.
Now, since we know the toothbrush is not the problem, let's figure out what is the real problem behind it.
It's not the relationship, it's something else that happened within the relationship. And then solve that and when you have solved this, then have a look if there is something even behind that.
If yes, solve that, and if that is solved, everything is fine again and the relationship can go on.
Esteban Baez
Many times when people can't even do secret number three because they're already looking for a reason to leave.
Martin Altherr
Yes, and that is a very good one. That's a question I, by the way, often ask when I see that a couple is at the end of the rope.
The first question I usually ask is:
"When do you have decided to leave the relationship?"
And then they look at me and say:
"Never."
And me:
"Stop! Think back. When was the day you said to yourself that way I cannot take it anymore, I guess I have to leave. When was that?"
And interestingly. Then they start to smile because they got caught. And then they say the date, normally even with the hour of the day when they thought it.
That's a good beginning. Because when we know that from both, then we can see what led them there, and then we can see what could lead them together again. After working over the imprints, the systemic entanglements, and maybe even sometimes the epigenetics to switch them off when they were hindering.
And when they were through this, those who were listening to the episode about love relationships and how love attracts know, there are different levels of how love attracts.
And when they figured out that it was only imprints that attracted them, felt like love, but it was only imprints that attracted them then either love has space to develop or they go really different ways.
They go away from each other but in peace. And they never ever will bump anymore into the wrong one because they have dissolved and transformed what was bothering them during the relationship.
Esteban Baez
Wow, this has been really deep. So what did you... You said the secret number three, it was optimizing the relationship. Is that what you said?
Martin Altherr
It is "Outsmart the odds".
Esteban Baez
Outsmart the odds, exactly.
Martin Altherr
Actually, just don't be fooled by thinking it's about the relationship. When you discuss a topic where you disagree with each other because you're allowed to disagree, you are allowed to think differently. You are just obliged to find a solution to it.
Esteban Baez
So "Outsmart the odds". Talk about the topic at hand. Don't mix the topic at hand with the reasoning that oh, if we don't come up with an agreement here, then the relationship is over.
No, let's solve the issue.
And I think that's why you said in the beginning when we spoke about compromises versus finding a solution... compromising versus solution.
So focus on the solution so that you can create a win-win situation with your partner.
Martin Altherr
Always! A love relationship must be a win-win situation. And now just let that go through your head and understand that when it's painful, it is a misunderstanding and you solve that. You take care of that secret number two. Now, when you take care of your partner, like the day you were courting, and when you outsmart the odds... How? Tell me, how can you ever get out of that relationship?
Because you would never leave it. You would be absolutely, sorry for that word, but you would be stupid to leave it. Because you have created such a powerful harbor of love, of acknowledgment, of being seen, of being heard, of being taken care of pure joy.
Esteban Baez
So it's healthy, it's loving, it's healthy, it's filled with goodness. Why would you want to leave that?
Martin Altherr
And we have a saying here in Europe, I don't know how it is in other places in this world, but we have a saying here: "If you leave the house well-fed, you're not going to eat outside."
Esteban Baez
I love that. That's awesome. Martin, this was great, man.
So you finally unveiled the three secrets of having an everlasting loving relationship. This was very powerful. I got a lot out of it.
I already know some of the things I'm going to start applying based on the three secrets that you revealed today.
Thank you so much, Martin.
Before we let our listeners go, and our viewers, if you're watching, do you have any final thoughts, Martin?
Martin Altherr
For this planet... and this planet, especially nowadays, in these times we have right now... A global transformation is happening, a lot of things are happening.
Many people are really in a struggle. So huge challenges are going on. It's a call-out. Just connect more with yourself and with your heart and start to act from your heart, because then you act from love, and that helps to heal your relationship.
Wherever your relationship is right now. And if you feel like you cannot manage it or you feel like you're overwhelmed or you are in a real toxic relationship, which can also happen, then reach out to us, talk to us. We're going to help you.
Esteban Baez
Thank you, Martin. And thank you, guys, so much for watching and listening to this episode. We hope we gave enough value to you today.
And if you did feel like you got something out of today's message, we want you to be blessed by it, but also make sure that you like it and share it.
That way, you could help spread the message that we have for the world. And if you want to learn more about Martin, all you got to do is visit Martin Altherr and you can learn more about Martin there and how to get in touch with us.
Again, we want to thank you for watching and also listening, and we will catch you on the next episode.