Happy New Year! As we kick off 2024, it's a great time to think about our goals for the New Year. In today's episode, I'm sharing a simple, straightforward system that will help you evaluate where you are and where you want to go.
As you go through this process, you'll learn to manage your mind to stay focused and positive. This will make your goal-setting more effective and more enjoyable, and you'll find you are less likely to get stuck in overwhelm or self-criticism.
Here's an overview of how it works: 1 List out the main areas of your life 2 Review each area & give it a rating from 1-10 3 Define what a "10" would look like for each area 4 Choose one main area of focus 5 Write down: - What's working in this area? - What's not working in this area? - What will I do differently to get closer to a "10" in this area?
The list you make at the end of Step 5 will comprise your goals or "Resolutions' for the New Year. As you look at the list, you'll notice that these questions have naturally guided you to create a list of goals and plans that are prioritized, pragmatic, and actionable.
So grab a pen and piece of paper and follow along with me as we set ourselves up for success this year!
_________ Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help: https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult _________
Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.
Happy New Year! As we kick off 2024, it's a great time to think about our goals for the New Year. In today's episode, I'm sharing a simple, straightforward system that will help you evaluate where you are and where you want to go.
As you go through this process, you'll learn to manage your mind to stay focused and positive. This will make your goal-setting more effective and more enjoyable, and you'll find you are less likely to get stuck in overwhelm or self-criticism.
Here's an overview of how it works: 1 List out the main areas of your life 2 Review each area & give it a rating from 1-10 3 Define what a "10" would look like for each area 4 Choose one main area of focus 5 Write down: - What's working in this area? - What's not working in this area? - What will I do differently to get closer to a "10" in this area?
The list you make at the end of Step 5 will comprise your goals or "Resolutions' for the New Year. As you look at the list, you'll notice that these questions have naturally guided you to create a list of goals and plans that are prioritized, pragmatic, and actionable.
So grab a pen and piece of paper and follow along with me as we set ourselves up for success this year!
_________ Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help: https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult _________
Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.
Kevin:
Welcome to Rethink your Rules with Jenny Hobbs MD. A fresh perspective on relationships, success and happiness for high achieving moms.
Jenny:
Hey, there it's Jenny. Happy new year and welcome back to another episode of Rethink your Rules, another year of Rethinking Our Rules Together. So glad you're here. I hope you had an amazing holiday season and that you are feeling somewhat ready to embark on a new year. I know for me, now that I have school aged kids, I always feel like the beginning of January is kind of a hectic time and I've had to really set aside that desire to have all of my plans and goals and everything locked and loaded by the very beginning of the year, which January 1st, like I used to, I had to kind of kid the kids back in school, get myself out of the post-holiday slumber. Usually I also end up working a lot around the holidays. If you're in medicine, which many of you are, you probably know what I mean. It's not exactly yet quiet time for my career.
Jenny:
Some people get like two weeks off around the holidays every year and everything shuts down, but when you work in hospital, it's almost the opposite right? Everyone has to pitch in and it's often quite busy. Anyway, if you're like me and you're in that place, it's totally fine. I am actually going to talk with you today about some of the really simple ways I start wrapping my mind around my new year goals and evaluating the previous year, because my life does get so crazy around the holidays and in January and with my kids. I really have a simple system that I really like that I'm going to share with you. It's also something that you can just give yourself some time to reflect on throughout the month of January. One of my goals and the work that I do is to really help all of us type A overachievers just calm down a little bit and let it be okay that we take our time. We don't have to hit the ground running and be pushing, pushing, pushing for our goals.
Jenny:
To be honest, I'm kind of talking a little differently than maybe I would have in the past and differently than a lot of physician coaches talk to, because I think physician coaches tend to be these very driven people and a lot of them do hit the ground running with all these business goals and everything. I just want to let you know. If you're like me and that all feels a little bit overwhelming or pressured or forced, that's really fine. Just there's time. There's a whole year ahead of us. It's beautiful. Let's enjoy it for a minute. If you're like me and you're looking at this gorgeous planner and you're so excited for it to all be perfect and getting out all your colorful pens and everything, just remind yourself it's a brand new year with no mistakes in it, like to paraphrase Anna of Green Gables. But also get in there and make some mistakes. It's totally okay. Let's have some fun with it. Okay, so this is my little rambling pep talk here, but I want to keep this episode fairly brief and just give you a super practical outline for how you can start evaluating your prior year and thinking about your goals and plans for the new year. And I guess I just noticed I'm assuming that you are setting goals and plans for the new year, because that's how a lot of my like-minded people are. But I of course want to also point out there's something magical about a new year and some people even have a bit of kind of a negativity or a backlash towards the idea of a new year's resolution and the pressure and the perfectionism and sort of the fact that it's kind of arbitrary and we say, okay, we're going to change our entire life in this one day and all that, and I hear that point. But I think what's really cool about what I'm going to talk about today is that it can apply to your new year, evaluation of the previous year and goal setting for the next year, but it can also apply to any other area of your life. So anytime you want to sort of assess where you've been and what you've learned and where you want to go, you can use this exact same system. That's very simple and easy to remember, and that's really a key point Simple and easy to remember and easy to use over and over. That is actually a great thing about this system. So don't be tempted to think, oh, it sounds too easy. I already know all this stuff. There's no utility in it. Taking a simple system and actually sitting down and spending the time to think it through and implement it. It's incredibly powerful.
Jenny:
I think sometimes we have this bias toward things that seem new and interesting and complicated and longer. We think that's going to be the key we're looking for and that's going to be more valuable to us and make more changes. Because it's so involved, it looks more impressive. I've done this myself. A few years ago, someone posted in one of the physician coaching groups this just really beautiful list of questions you could ask yourself to reflect on the previous year and go into the next year. I thought looks great, very impressive. Everyone was so impressed with it.
Jenny:
I said that thing and I never actually went through and did it. It was too long and complicated. It sat on my phone and my notes, I think, for months and I kept thinking when I have time, I'll do that, when I have more time, I'll do that. So, as great as it probably was and as appealing as it seemed, it wasn't actually great, because these tools are meant to help us get results and move the needle forward on our goals. None of that happens when you're overwhelmed, or it's too complicated, or you're forgetting about it or whatever. Since then, I learned about this really simple system I'm going to show you, and I've been able to actually remember it and use it over and over, and I'm getting better results. It's much easier to explain and teach to my clients, so simple is often the best way to go. That's one of the lessons I'm learning. So, as I said, I'm going to try not to ramble on too long today, so let's get into it. If you have a piece of paper, that would be great. You can write a couple of these things down. If not, of course, the recording will be here. You can listen when you are in a safe place to take some notes.
Jenny:
Step number one is to create a list of each of the main categories of your life, and you're going to think about what each of these categories looks like for you personally. So I've made them very general. I've made it into five big groups, but for each person these are going to look slightly different, so you may need to pause this and jot a couple of notes under each heading for yourself, so you know who you're picturing as you evaluate that category. So the five categories number one, your physical health. Number two, your mental and emotional health. I lump into here a spiritual practice, if that's relevant for you, something you want to evaluate. I also include in here recreation and play and fun, because to me that is all part of a well-rounded, mentally, emotionally healthy life. But it can also, of course, include treatment for things like depression or anxiety. Therapy can include coaching, obviously, like I do things like that.
Jenny:
Category number three is relationships, and so I purposely just call this one relationships, to keep it simple. But underneath that, you'll want to decide who you include there. So does that include family? Does it include an intimate or romantic partner or significant other? Does it include social circle, close friends? Does it include involvement in community organizations? Right, so all of those things go there.
Jenny:
Category number four is career work. Even if you don't work outside the home or you're retired, you know you could potentially put in there some type of vocation or learning, or you know, if you're a student, you know learning things like that. And then category number five is finances. Okay, so just recap the five areas Number one physical health. Number two mental and emotional health, including spirituality and recreation. Number three relationships, including family, romantic friendships, community involvement. Number four career. And number five finances. Okay, so you have those five areas. You can write them down maybe the left side of your paper and decide if you want to separate any of those out. So if you have a lot of different relationships and you want to get them each their own category, that's totally fine.
Jenny:
I just again like to keep it as short and simple as possible so we don't overwhelm ourselves. So now you're going to look through those five areas and you are going to give each of them a score from one to 10. So, 10 being ideal, your life is ideal in that category, and one being the worst. Okay, don't spend too much time on this. Go with your sort of gut feeling, how it's feeling right now in that area. One to ten, maybe set a timer and again, if you're finding yourself torn because the category you know feels like parts of it are great and parts of it are not awesome, this is your life, so split it up. It's fine, though I would try to keep it down to maybe like seven or eight or less categories, just so you don't overwhelm yourself. And if there are areas here that aren't really applicable to you or not meaningful, you can just take them off the list. Okay, so what? But you make sure you have your list and you've given each of them a score from one to ten.
Jenny:
Okay, now step number three is going to be to go through and define for yourself what would a 10 look like for me in this area. You can do that for each area if you have time, if you're in a rush or you just want to get a sense of this before you spend a lot of time on it. Just pick one area maybe the one you want to focus on right now for goal setting, or the one that has the lowest score and kind of go through the rest of this process. You're going to define what would a 10 look like if I was, you know. So take away all your misgivings about whether you could or couldn't accomplish it and just say, okay, what would a 10 look like for me in this area if I assume that I could make it work, no matter what? Okay. So write that down the best you can, and again, that's for each of your categories. Okay. So now you have your personalized list of categories and you have an idea of where you're rating yourself approximately one to 10, gut instinct and a sense of kind of what a 10 would look like for you.
Jenny:
So now, looking at this list, don't spend too much time on this, but pick one area that you are quite sure you're going to want to set some goals on in and work on this year. Okay, so pick your area, whatever that is. Maybe it's the one with the lowest score when you've already decided to work on. Whatever the case, and now you're going to go through this next set of questions just for that one area. Okay, because again, we're keeping ourselves focused and not going into overwhelm with all the different categories, right. So we've got the lay of the land, we know we're going to focus. Now we're going to ask for this one category. That's my main first goal for this year.
Jenny:
I'm going to ask myself what is working for me in this area right now, and this part is really important. Notice how we're focusing on what's working, on the positive. This is because our brains have a really strong bias toward the negative and our brains tend to want to take us there no matter what. And then they get drama and get frustrated and we start feeling bad about ourselves and we move into all this negative emotion. And just trust me when I say that is not a good place to be setting goals from Okay.
Jenny:
So we have to learn to consciously counteract that negativity bias that our brain has, and the way that we do that is by forcing ourselves to sit down with a piece of paper and saying what is working right now for me in this area? If you've already tried some things in this area last year, you can say what did I try that worked well in 2023? Write it down, and brain also is going to want to downplay the small changes like saying they're not a big deal. So you got to watch out for that and you got to tell your brain it doesn't matter if it's a small change. If it's working, it's working. I'm going to mention it and you want to write it down because your brain's going to forget and I want these in black and white in front of you.
Jenny:
Okay, and also forces you to actually keep track of the number, and you need to have at least five things that have worked, that are working in that area, and if you need to, you might have to just ask yourself okay, and what else and what else? And force yourself to sit there for a bit, because this is not natural for our brains and your brain also might do this thing where you say a good thing, something's working, and then to be like, but it could be better, or but that's not working. So you just got to remind your brain when you get to that later, right now, what else is working. Okay, we're training our brains here. It's not comfortable, but it is worth it. So, once you have your five things that are working, we're going to go on to the next question, which is what's not working for me in this area. Now your brain is going to be ready to go, as I mentioned, because this is the part it likes to talk about.
Jenny:
But do your best to ensure that you keep this very logical and factual kind of like what you would report in a court of law or to an accountant. Okay, so we want numbers, we want facts, things that are provable, and you want to watch out for your brain adding in little value judgments. So, for example, instead of saying I have this much money in my bank account, right? So you believe what's not working? I have $20,000 in my bank account, right? Your brain will want to say I only have $20,000, or I have less money than I did last year, or I only lost this much weight or you know, et cetera. Sometimes you know that mean girl in your brain is just ready to go with all these snide comments Well, unlike that other person, you didn't do this, or once again you messed that up, or you can't do anything right or whatever. So watch out for that. And you're going to need to again sort of set a little boundary there. Okay, one of my coaches has this phrase where she just says you know you're going to decide I will never intentionally mistreat myself. And so maybe for this exercise you need to say I will never intentionally mistreat myself.
Jenny:
Some other mindset shifts I like to keep front and center while I'm doing this are you know, it's okay for me to get it wrong. Everyone has something to work on. Right Adding in, I didn't get that yet. Yeah, I also love this quote I never lose. Either I win or I fail. So remind yourself that just because you didn't achieve a goal as fast as you wanted last year doesn't mean it's a failure. If anything, we know that the people who are most successful fail over and over. So maybe that was just one of your failures on the way to success. I also like to remember myself hey, I could avoid failure, I could do nothing. I could just not grow. I could avoid this exercise and walk away from the pain of sitting here. That would be maybe failing, because I'd be giving up, but sitting here, acknowledging what I need to work on and choosing not to mistreat myself and choosing to stay logical, that's never a problem, right, that's how I get all the good things in life that I'm trying to get. So give yourself those talks if you need to, if you don't have me there beside you coaching you through it.
Jenny:
Once you've made these lists, you've written this all down, you're ready for the last step. So in this category that you've chosen, you can see your score, from one to 10. You can see what a 10 looks like. You can see really specific and granular detail what's working, what's not. It's all factual, but now all you got to do is bring that together and say, okay, what will I do differently to get closer to that 10? So this is framed in a very specific way. Right, you know the goal.
Jenny:
You've got some information here about what's working, what's not. You've got your logical brain, your prefrontal cortex, online and ready. You've done your best to settle down the drama and the fear, the fear of failure and all this stuff. Now you're going to make your best smart, educated guess about how to get closer to that. You want to feel a little bit like you would if you were making a decision at work, right? So if you're a doctor, deciding what to give a patient or making a business decision or deciding the best route to take for vacation, you know your destination, you know your resources, you know your time constraints, you know your preferences, right. And then you're going to use all that information. You make a logical decision buy the tickets, order the rental car, whatever it is Same thing here. You want to kind of be in that energy right? I'm going to make the best educated decision I can with the smart brain that I trust, and I'm going to choose to be kind to myself, no matter what. And then you just got to make that decision and write it down.
Jenny:
Now I told you to pick one category to do this for the year. You could do, you know, the same thing, go back and do it for a couple of other categories. I would really recommend not more than three, and ideally you'd really like to pick the one that's most important. There's a really great quote from a book called the One Thing that I really like. There's a question you can ask yourself if you're trying to decide which area or which goal to focus on, because that could be hard for those of us that struggle to constrain down with our ADHD. But the question that they talk about in that book is what's the one thing I can do such that, by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary? So you could use that here. Right, you could look at these categories and say, okay, what is the one category that, if I were to improve it, get it to a 10, everything else would be easier or unnecessary? What's the one that will have the biggest impact on the most other areas of my life? Or another way to decide just a little less pressure, is to just think which one of these would be the most fun. Which one do I want to work on? It's totally fine, by the way, to just choose something because you want to. Sometimes we forget that.
Jenny:
Just to wrap up, here's the process that you want to go through as you start thinking about where you are and where you want to be in your goals in 2024. So, step number one make a list of the five main areas of life physical health, mental, emotional health, relationships, career and finances. Okay, and then for each of those areas, you're going to ask yourself where am I on a scale from one to 10? And what would a 10 look like? Okay, and then you're going to pick one category that you most want to work on and focus on, and then you're going to ask yourself what is working for me in this area right now, what is not working for me in this area right now, and what will I do differently to get closer to a 10? Okay, and you should have a really clear sense by the end of that exercise what changes are most important to make as you head into this new year and just want to wrap up by saying don't be afraid to keep it this simple, don't overthink it.
Jenny:
Stick to one, three tops areas to work on and then take these same questions and reevaluate, maybe decide you're going to reevaluate in a month or three months or six months and say, okay, where am I on a scale of one to 10? What's working, what isn't working, and what will I do differently? All right, so you can just keep coming back to it. Great, so I hope that that made a lot of sense and it's super valuable to you and I hope that this is fun. For me, at least, this is the type of goal setting that actually moves the needle forward and feels fun and doesn't feel like a bunch of negativity and doesn't feel so overwhelming. So I hope you have the same experience and, as always, if you want some help sorting through this and hearing how I can help you move closer to that 10 in all those areas, be sure to set up your free console the link is in the show notes and I would love to kick off 2024, helping you reach those goals. I will see you next week.
Kevin:
Thanks for listening to rethink your rules with Jenny Hobbs MD. Would you like to learn more about how to apply this to your own life through personalized coaching with Jenny? Visit us on the web at jennyhobbsmdcom to schedule a free consultation. If you found value in what you heard today, please consider subscribing to the podcast and giving us a five star rating so we can reach even more women like you.