The way you speak to yourself is incredibly powerful. It determines your relationship with yourself, how you feel and the results you get (or don’t) in your life. Yet if you’re like most people, you are focusing more energy on communicating with others while not paying much attention to your self talk.
But here’s the great news: the same skills you use for talking to others can be used when you talk to yourself! In this episode, you'll learn strategies to improve your inner dialogue, and several suggested phrases you can start using right away.
Curious to learn more about how this works? Then be sure to join me for my upcoming webinar on Wednesday, March 6. I'll be sharing how to use the CALM method to cure your Headless Chicken Syndrome." And one of the first steps is to treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you show others. Be sure to register at the link below so you don't miss it!
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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
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Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.
The way you speak to yourself is incredibly powerful. It determines your relationship with yourself, how you feel and the results you get (or don’t) in your life. Yet if you’re like most people, you are focusing more energy on communicating with others while not paying much attention to your self talk.
But here’s the great news: the same skills you use for talking to others can be used when you talk to yourself! In this episode, you'll learn strategies to improve your inner dialogue, and several suggested phrases you can start using right away.
Curious to learn more about how this works? Then be sure to join me for my upcoming webinar on Wednesday, March 6. I'll be sharing how to use the CALM method to cure your Headless Chicken Syndrome." And one of the first steps is to treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you show others. Be sure to register at the link below so you don't miss it!
_________
Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
_________
Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.
Welcome to Rethink your Rules with Jenny Hobbs MD. A fresh perspective on relationships, success and happiness for high achieving moms.
Speaker 2:Hey, there it's Jenny. Welcome back to another episode of Rethink your Rules. This week, what I'm going to be doing is bringing back an episode from last year that I did. It's called Talk to Yourself Like you Talk to Others, and I'm bringing this back for a couple reasons, one of which is that it's one of my most popular episodes ever. The last time I checked it was the most downloaded episode, so I know people are finding it really useful. And the second reason is because it ties in so well with the theme of the webinar that I have coming up, where we're going to be talking about how to allow your emotions and give yourself compassion when things are difficult and stressful and big emotions are coming up.
Speaker 2:And, as you'll recall, the name of that webinar is how to Cure your Headless Chicken Syndrome with the COM method. And the COM method starts with the first step of connecting and recognizing your emotions and allowing your emotions. And that is the skill that we just are not taught in life and that is the key to everything and making life so much better. And I'm so excited to teach that skill and one of the biggest components of learning to allow your emotions and sit with really uncomfortable feelings inside of our bodies. A big part of that is actually talking to ourselves kindly when we are struggling with that and showing ourselves compassion, just like we would to a kid who is stressed out, or to our best friend if she's having a hard time, or to our mom or whoever is. Think of someone who's really, really close to you that you just love so much, and when they're hurting, you just want to help them feel better, and that is the energy you want to be able to bring to yourself. And so often those of us that are running around like headless chickens we don't give ourselves the compassion and the space to feel how we feel we think we need to solve for it. I shouldn't feel this way or I should make this go away by working hard or whatever the case, and so this episode talk to yourself like you talked to others really gives you a hint at what we're going to discuss in the webinar, which is going to include other strategies just like this to really give yourself a break, connect with yourself, ask what you need and give yourself that, and this is a really great way to get yourself started on that, and then we'll take it and expand on that in the webinar.
Speaker 2:The webinar is happening in March 6th. It's a Wednesday, it's one o'clock Pacific time, for PM Eastern. It'll be about an hour and it's just going to be a really nice practical opportunity to you know, you can be anonymous if you want, but you can type in situations or questions and I'll actually use those as examples so you can really get some free coaching and a free opportunity to work through and apply this to your own life. And if you can't make it live, that's totally fine. Just register at the link that's in the show notes and then you'll get the replay and everything. So please, please, join me there. If you know someone that might want to come with you, and invite them to come along.
Speaker 2:And the last reason I decided to replay this episode today instead of a whole long new one is because we are heading on vacation and I'm going to be offline this next week, so I wanted to get this done ahead of time and you know, podcast editor Kevin and I are both kind of busy doing all the things to get this family out the door for our trip. So I'm going to keep it short and sweet and bring back this really helpful and practical episode. So I hope you love it and I hope that you will be inspired to join me on March 1st for our webinar about how to cure your headless chicken syndrome with the calm method, starting with allowing yourself to feel any emotion and giving yourself that self-compassion. It's going to feel great, it's going to be fun. I will see you there. This week we are going to be talking about how you talk to yourself. I'm going to keep this one super practical lots of examples and specifics on the strategies and tips that I give my clients, and I am hopeful that you will find it as useful as they have.
Speaker 2:So, before I get into that, I do want to share my heck yes and hard pass for this week. So my heck yes is honestly the amazing feedback I have been getting this week from people listening to this podcast and from some of my amazing clients. I just want to say thank you so much to those of you who have reached out and told me that something on the podcast has impacted you or changed things for you. I've had people tell me that they go back and listen to some of the episodes a couple of times and have got more and more value each time they listen to it, which I really appreciate. I've seen a couple of the reviews come through over on Apple podcasts and that's so helpful and, honestly, even some of my clients and you know who you are, but I just so appreciate you taking the time to let me know hey, this made a difference for me or you've really made me feel better, or things like that. So please keep that feedback coming and maybe use that also as inspiration.
Speaker 2:Even if you don't send me feedback, send it to someone else that has really impacted you, because those of us who are creators and putting this stuff out there in the world, it's not easy and it can be discouraging at times. You know, sometimes you don't know if it's hitting home with anybody. And for me you know I've alluded to this I've had a really tough personal season and I haven't gone into details because a lot of it does involve other people and of course, I want to respect their privacy and of course, as a physician, a lot of things that happen in my life are not things I can share openly all the time. But it's all that going on behind the scenes. It just really means so much when people take time out of their busy, stressful lives to say something supportive and to let me know what it's meant to them that I put these things out here. So I encourage you to do the same thing to someone in your life, someone that you think may need to hear it. You never know what people are going through on the other side and what impact it may have.
Speaker 2:My hard pass for this week is that I am choosing not to stress about the future. I may have talked about this before in relation to things with my kids or things like that, but in this case I'm thinking about financial uncertainty in the future, and I see so much in the news and socially, with people stressing about the recession and the stock market and housing prices and inflation, and I'm not saying that we should put our heads in the sand and ignore all that, but sometimes I think that it sort of ticks on a life of its own where we're worrying about the future so much and we sort of lose sight of what's actually going on in real time. Right now, like, for example, a lot of people are so stressed about the future and the finances and everything, but then they're also like having plenty of money to be very secure in their homes and they have a really great job and they have retirement funds and they have college funds for their kids and they're taking really amazing trips, and so I think sometimes we have to take a step back and be like, yes, there's a lot of things that could be uncertain or scary in the future and they may or may not go that way, but we don't know what the future holds and, honestly, these people in the news and these people predicting stock markets and all the things like they don't know either. Right, no one knows the future. There's always uncertain things. That COVID taught us. Nothing else definitely taught us that, right. So I just choose actively to put my blinders on and look at what I have in the here and now, what I see is there, and not to get myself anxious about the possible future that may be coming in. I really think that, honestly, in the case of the economy, I see this happen all the time, where people spend so much time worrying about the predictions of the economy that the whatever bad thing happens, the economy ends up affecting a huge portion of their life, when it maybe only had to affect a smaller portion because they could have just waited to be so stressed out until the time happened, and we also. It's like we're worrying about the future. We're also thinking about, you know that we're putting all this emphasis on like the choices we make right now are going to change that uncertain future, and even that's not guaranteed, right, like I could try to adjust how I'm invested and adjust this and that and all the things, and like like that might make it better but also might not make it better. There's no guarantee even then, right, and so not that we shouldn't do our best with the information we have available, but just taking that emotional stress and worry out of it and making economic predictions ruin my present, right, it's something I'm just choosing to take a hard pass on. So, anyway, let me know if your thoughts on that, if you're worrying about the economy or if you're going to do the same. I'd love to hear. So tonight.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about self-talk. I want to point out that we are always talking to ourselves. I mean and I don't mean to make us all sound crazy, we're not crazy. In your brain, you constantly have sentences that are running through, which is how you're speaking to yourself, and most of the time we don't even notice it, and I think it's something like 60,000 thoughts a day, they estimate, or something. So you're having all these thoughts, and you've been having them your whole life, and so the ones that you have frequently become the things that you believe and these beliefs that you've thought over and over and never challenged feel so ingrained that they feel like factual truth to your brain. And one of the quickest ways to change your life is to change the way that you're talking to yourself, change those thoughts going through your brain, and we always have that opportunity.
Speaker 2:But we often forget. That's the case, and we often also have so many of these thoughts sort of jumbled around in our brain that we aren't examining or putting onto paper or saying a lot of other people that we don't realize that a lot of them are just not even true or not even helpful. People will sort of have this shorthand in their brain. I always read People the Wrong Way. Or maybe I'm just toxic, or this came from a book club that I'm in.
Speaker 2:We read a book where this character had this thought and he said I'm a murderer, I'm a murderer. And then eventually, through the story, it came out that the facts were that he didn't actually murder this person, but he was assigning himself guilt because it was a downstream effect of something that he did. And someone else heard the story and was like you're not a murderer. But he just had the thought going through his brain all the time I'm a murderer. I'm a murderer Never examining it. And so if we're constantly talking to ourselves and those words that we say to ourselves are becoming beliefs and those beliefs are creating our reality, which is kind of the foundation of coaching, and I'll talk more about that in another episode but if that's the case and often those thoughts are maybe slightly untrue or exaggerations or just not helpful and we're not ever examining them or sharing them we get in this cycle where our life feels really stuck and we don't know why, and so we can't stop that whole cycle by going back to the thoughts and going through this process I'm going to talk about.
Speaker 2:The other thing about the way you speak to yourself is that for a lot of people not for everyone we speak much more nicely to other people than to ourselves, right? So maybe if our kid's having a hard time or our best friend's having a hard time, we might give them some grace, we might give them a little bit of leeway, we might tell them oh no, you're doing great, oh, it's okay to feel that way, or it's okay to mess up, right. But we're so much more harsh on ourselves we don't give ourselves that grace and we almost think it's like a rule that we have to be hard on ourselves, otherwise we're not being in touch with reality or we're being arrogant or whatever the case may be, or we're not going to improve if we don't have this inner critic telling us what we're doing wrong. I thought I was thinking about this today. It's interesting because in the Bible there's the golden rule treat others the way you want to be treated right. But what about the other side of that right? Like what if we treat ourselves the way that we are treating others? What if we talk to ourselves the way we talk to other people? Like, can we sort of give ourselves the benefit there?
Speaker 2:And I think this is another example of where a lot of the things that religion and society have taught us, particularly as women, that we need to be doing to be good people which are very other focused right, sort of miss the boat a little bit because they miss a step. Like treating other people like I want to be treated is great, but like, first and foremost, like, why not treat myself like I want to be treated right? And when we go back and do that, then we can do such a better job of helping other people. So the other reason I think this is really important is because you know I'm so passionate about helping women improve their relationships at work and at home so they can enjoy their life and they can see success. But the fact is, the strategies we use to improve our relationships with other people also are the same strategies that are going to improve our relationship with ourselves, and our relationship with ourselves is really where we can see the most lasting change in relating to other people, and I've talked about this a lot on this podcast.
Speaker 2:But you know, if I'm having a difficult interaction with my husband and he is giving me, you know, his feelings and his thoughts and whatever the only way I can deal with those in a centered, grounded, useful, selfless way is if I've already taken care of myself and my own self identity. My relationship with myself is not dependent on him making me feel good, right, and so I want to talk about all this because I think we, as women, prioritize improving how we show up in the world to other people. We don't prioritize improving how we take care of ourselves, and the two are intricately linked. You can't do a good job of showing up in the world for other people unless you're already doing a good job of having your own back. Self-talk is just one of the most straightforward ways to do that. The way I want to go through this is I'm going to give you four reflection questions that you can think about and maybe jot down in journal about to start coming up with phrases that you want to use when you're talking to yourself, because the best way to do this is going to be very personal to you and the way that you talk and the way you think and what works for your brain. I'll give you those four questions and we'll go through some examples of those. Then, at the end, I am going to list off a number of examples of phrases that have worked for me and for my clients and talking to ourselves. That will give you some ideas to start from, even if you're not at all sure where to start, you'll be able to grab one of the phrases and borrow one of the phrases that's worked for me and give it a try and see how it works for you. First of all, here are the four questions I want you to think about as you're looking at how to improve yourself.
Speaker 2:Talk Number one how do you talk to other people? How do you talk to your kids? How do you talk to your friends? How do you talk to your coworkers? How do you speak to strangers, people where you want to make a good impression? Really think about that. I believe we talked about this in the episode I did with my friend Kelly, and a lot of people told me it stuck with them where she thought to herself how would I talk to my son? This is going to be different for everybody. For those of us that have kids, that may be a good example, but some of us are hard on our kids because we're hard on ourselves. Some of us don't have kids. Another great example is your best friend, someone that you really, really admire. This came up for me.
Speaker 2:I was in a meeting recently and I said something and I was tired, I hadn't taken my ADHD, I was post-calling the things and then, 10 hours later, I realized that what I said was factually inaccurate. I have a hard time with that kind of thing because it was like, oh my gosh, I was so embarrassed. I would have rather someone told me in the meeting hey, jenny, that's not right. I would have been like, oh, you're right, I would have corrected myself and they would have all known that I acknowledged it. But now it was so far after the meeting and it wasn't the sort of thing where I could go back and tell everyone hey, I realized that I was wrong yesterday, sorry.
Speaker 2:And then I thought, oh my gosh, has everyone been sitting around all day thinking that I did this stupid thing? That didn't even make sense? And do they think that I don't realize that? And do they think that I think I'm always right? And it was just in my head about it? And I felt helpless. I can't change their opinion of me, and so I'm letting you into my own neuroses. But I stopped myself and I was like, okay, jenny, if your friend was in that meeting and she had done that, and she came to you and said, oh my gosh, I wasn't as mean today.
Speaker 2:And I said this, wasn't that so dumb? I can't believe no one told me I was wrong about that or whatever. What would I say to my friend? And I was like, well, it's okay. Probably no one really noticed and they all think that you make all these contributions. They probably know you're retired. They probably want to remember later If it comes up. Everyone will know that you're doing the best you can or whatever. And so I thought about how I would have talked to a friend and I realized I would have never been as hard on my friend as I was on myself about this, about not realizing my mistake earlier and correcting it.
Speaker 2:And so I decided okay, you know what I'm just going to choose right now to talk to myself like I would talk to my friend. Probably not that many people notice, probably they're not going to hold it against you. If they did, you can always come back to that later and you know that you have these things to offer and you know that you did this with good intention and that you could have prepared yourself better. And I just literally coached myself like I would have coached a friend or one of my clients. And so think about that for yourself. Like when your friend comes to you with a problem, something embarrassing, whatever your kid comes home with a problem, you know someone that you really love and care about your spouse how do you talk to them, and then those phrases that you come up with are ones that you could literally write down and practice on yourself. Number two how do your biggest fans talk to you? And so I love this one, right? Because I have, as I was saying earlier, I have the benefit of some really amazing people who are my clients, who tell me gosh, this really meant a lot to me. You're really good at this, right.
Speaker 2:I have some friends. I have a friend where I told her recently that I was diagnosed with ADHD and I was like, oh my gosh, now I understand why all these things are so hard and all those people don't like me and that. And she was like, what, I can't imagine you having a hard time with anything, right? And I was like, oh, what if I just thought of myself the way she does, right? And then I told some people that I work with, but not super closely, like, oh yeah, you know, people have a hard time working with me and they think I'm not very polite all the time. And one of them looked at me and said what are you talking about? You're the nicest person. Like, why would anyone say that? And I could give you tons and tons of examples, but in the interest of time I won't.
Speaker 2:But my point is those people are my biggest fans, right, and they are like what are you talking about what? No, you're nice, you're, you know. I can't imagine you having a hard time with anything. You know my husband is great for this. He's my biggest fan, you know, and I'll be like gosh, like no one likes me because I say the things no one wants to hear. And like all my evaluations should be 100% that I'm the nicest, best person. And you know my husband's like.
Speaker 2:I mean, what are you talking about? That wouldn't. That wouldn't make you interesting. That wouldn't make you like he's like people who are contributing things that matter and having a point of view and changing the world, like they don't have all positive evaluations. If everybody liked you, that would mean that you weren't standing up for anything Like I think you're great the way you are right, and so I could just choose to adopt some of these things that my biggest fans think about me as what I'm thinking about myself, right, other than sort of the worst possible scenario, and so you can choose. This is your own self-talk, nobody is hearing you, and so I could choose to start thinking like my biggest fans.
Speaker 2:Think of me instead of my biggest haters, why not? I've only got so much airtime and so much space in my brain. I might as well fill it with something positive and useful or at least give it equal airtime, because we know our brains have this negative bias. So my brain is going to replay over and over the things my haters say to me and I'm going to be likely to take the negativity bias and think that those things are true. So, even if I can't completely get rid of that and switch to being, you know, my biggest fan 100% of the time, can I give equal airtime to what my fans say about me? Okay?
Speaker 2:So number three is what would someone jealous of you say? Or someone maybe like your past self? So I love this one, because a lot of us have these amazing lives as high achievers and female physicians. We have these beautiful homes and we have this great life and we've worked so hard to achieve it and yet we're having such a heart and we're like well, everyone says this is about me and I don't have this and I don't have time and I'm so tired, and you know I didn't get that promotion and all the things and it's so easy to do. And, of course, our pain and our frustration is part of being human and it's valid and we can allow that to be there. And at the same time, there's someone out there who's jealous of what we have right.
Speaker 2:I have a client who was telling me, you know, she was really having a hard time with a bunch of things and she is in a position where she was able to take some time off of work and work from home. And you know, she's like I need some self care. And she was able to rearrange her schedule and do that because she's at a certain point in her career where she has that flexibility. And I was like, well, let's just stop, because you know, she was really in a lot of negativity and frustration about it and, you know, feeling like she wasn't being successful and she was letting people down. And I was like let's just stop for a minute and notice that like there's someone out there who's having these same terrible emotions and frustrations with their work and they don't get to rearrange their schedule and take the time off right, and she is kind of going there already, even without me prompting her right. But so even just in that moment, like she could talk to her. So she'd be like, ok, like this is really hard and I don't know what I'm going to do, and I dislike all this. And it's also pretty great that I have this freedom to do this right, and so we have these opportunities to think about what would someone outside of me think?
Speaker 2:I often think about this with my medical career when I have a hard time or I feel like I'm running into roadblocks and I'm feeling like a failure because I'm not the perfect doctor and I'm not everyone doesn't love me or whatever. And the other day I was like, wait a second. Like back in the day I dreamed of getting into med school, I dreamed of being a doctor. And what would? What would my past self say right now? She's like oh my gosh, you're so lucky, you have this beautiful life, you have all this stuff you know, like. And my past self, who was a resident who worked 80 hours a week and never slept and didn't feel comfortable in her own skin and wasn't taking good care of herself oh my gosh, like you're healthy, you're active, you've got this beautiful life, you have all this time off, you can travel right, you're out of debt, like. So my past self has some pretty awesome things to say about me, but I forget that in the moment. And so, whatever your situation, you know there's someone out there who has it worse, who may be jealous or is like pining or like trying to achieve what you've achieved and maybe it's your past self or it's someone else. So can you remember those things and write those things down to talk to yourself and get yourself in a more appreciative frame of mind?
Speaker 2:And then the fourth thing is what do you wish other people would say to you? So this was really powerful coaching I received, because I tend to be a person who goes into a meeting and I have all these ideas and things I want to share and I want everyone to immediately tell me I'm right and they agree with me, and I want to convince them of all that Right. And of course spoiler alert they don't always agree with me. They don't always tell me I'm right. They don't always give me the response I want. And then I get very frustrated and I get in this sort of condensing energy that's, you know, comes across really strong and maybe like argumentative, and people don't like that. And so I was trying to work on this about myself and this coach asked me. She was like, ok, but like, when you're going into this meeting, like what do you like, what do you wish? That they would say, you know? And I was like I want them to say like you're right, and we agree with you and you know she's like.
Speaker 2:Or like if you were talking to a friend before you went in there, like, and they were going to encourage you, like what would you, you know, what do you wish they would tell you to help you feel great about going in? Or after the meeting, right, when they don't agree with you, like what do you wish that? Like when you're thinking about it, like what do you wish they would have said? Or what do you wish your friend would say when you talked about it and you know, I realized like I want them to say like I agree with you, that totally makes sense. You really thought this through, you know, whatever. And then she was like, well, you could say that to yourself before you went there. You could literally like you know, jenny, I agree with you. Or you can tell yourself like they agree with me. They just don't know it yet, right?
Speaker 2:Or another one is like you know, I have this feeling like people don't have my back, and it's probably you know all my therapy and all the reasons why, and, you know, never having felt like I was good enough for my parents and all that stuff but I can give that to myself, right, I wish that my parents had been parents who said, like you're smart, you're amazing, you're wonderful just as you are. You can never do anything. That's, you know, not good enough. Also, they didn't say those things to me, right, and so I can say them to myself now, though, and so when I go into that meeting, I can go in and say, like OK, jenny, like I got you, I'm on your side, I got your back. There's nothing you can do that, you know, will make me think that you failed here or whatever. Right, like.
Speaker 2:So think of those things that you wish others would say to you, and I really like this one, too, because you know you may not feel like some of these others that I mentioned related to you may like well, I don't have kids. I don't have, you know, biggest fans to rely on what they're saying about me. I don't feel like anyone's jealous of me, like you could be so deep in negativity in your brain that, like you can't see any of those things there Right, which is totally fine, like we all have different experiences. But anybody can say, ok, what do I wish other people were saying to me right now, what do I wish I had? And I'm telling you I know it sounds cheesy, but it works to give it to yourself. It really does, because you are talking to yourself anyway, like you're not crazy, that's just what people do, so you might as well take control of the things that you are saying to yourself.
Speaker 2:So those are the four questions I really want you to think about. I recommend you write them down, actually journal this out, and then also come back to it in different scenarios, like when you notice something that someone says or a thought that someone offers you that really feels good, like remember it so that you can practice it and start giving it that equal airtime and teaching your brain to repeat that over and over. And Then, the last thing I want to point out this is not an additional question, but just as you're going through that process, I also want you to do a check on the thoughts of you write down, because it's one thing to be like oh, I wish people would tell me I'm the smartest person in the room. And like I never make any mistakes, right.
Speaker 2:But like Is that believable to your brain? Because if the thought that you come up with is not believable, it won't stick and it won't create the change that you want. Because the thought has to be believable so that you can emotionally attach to it and then it will create your life that you want, right? So so, after you do this process of going through those four questions, go back and check like is this believable? And it's okay if it's not believable, it's a starting point. I'll tell you about that in a second. But really ask yourself Does this feel equally believable to the negativity that I have? Right? And then, if it's not quite believable yet, there are things you can do, and this is where you, you grow the thought. So, instead of I'm always right, or you know something like that to be like, you can add these words like maybe I'm right, and they just don't see it yet, right. So is that believable? Probably right, it's possible. I'm right, it's possible. No one noticed that I said that.
Speaker 2:So some of the examples are to turn it into a question. So what if? And then add on the thought that you're trying to get yourself to believe, or it's possible, or maybe. Maybe I'm good at this, maybe I Can become more efficient. Another example would be I'm considering, and then add on this thought you're trying to get to right, or I'm becoming a person who, right, so so those are just some examples, but you can do these things to make a thought that sounds totally crazy, slightly less crazy, right, and you're kind of training your brain to think about it in that way.
Speaker 2:Okay, so those are my tips for coming up with your own thoughts, and then I'm just gonna give you a bunch of examples right now of things that you can think, and I I want to point out You'll notice this, but if you listen back to my previous episodes, there's a lot of thoughts I have offered you to think about other people and Phrases that I have suggested you could even say to other people, like your kids when they're upset, or your spouse when they're frustrated. And the crazy part is, you can just go right ahead and say and think all those same things About yourself, right, so you can talk to yourself using the same phrases that you would use for another person, and it's actually probably even more powerful when you do it for yourself, because you have a relationship with yourself, just like you have a relationship with other people, and Cultivating that relationship to be healthy is actually going to spill over into all of your other relationships and it's going to make you much less vulnerable to self-doubt and Criticism and all those things that come in from outside. Alright, so anytime on this podcast that I give you some word or phrase that I think might help you Relate to other people, you can just go right ahead and practice using that same one for yourself. Okay, pro tip, here we go. Some examples are it makes sense. You feel this way, just like we say that to our kids when they're upset. You can say that to yourself.
Speaker 2:Every emotion you have, even if you'd never admit it to anybody else, that you're pissed off about something, you can just say to yourself. It makes sense that you're angry. Okay, you can say I'm glad you brought this up To yourself. When your brain gives you a problem or something nature's about, you can say everyone has something to work on to yourself when you feel like you're not, you know successful, as successful as you want to be, you're growing as fast as you'd like in some area. You can say to yourself I'm doing the best. I know how right, remember, talk about, just can't believe everyone's doing the best. I know how well you're, you're doing the best, you know how period, give yourself that gift. You can say thank you, right.
Speaker 2:So when your brain is getting really anxious and your inner critic is like getting fired up and telling you all the things You're doing, I could just be like thank you, I Appreciate you, I hear you Right. Remember. Those emotions want to be heard, they want to be acknowledged. They're trying to help you there, maybe not getting you where you want to go, but they're trying to help you up and and by saying thank you, I appreciate you, I hear you. To that, to that inner critic or to that anxiety it will call it, will take the tension off that relationship that you have with yourself. You can say to yourself You're so resilient, right? I've had people say this one to me before and I Realized how great it made me feel when they noticed that I could say it to myself anytime. I want, right, you're brave. You can tell yourself you're right, kind of like I mentioned before, maybe you want everyone else to believe you're right. Well, you can just tell yourself like you're right, or maybe you're right. You can say to yourself how can I help? What do you need?
Speaker 2:And the last one I want to share is one that I recently added to my list. I Came up with it because I had that it to my son and I decided to offer it to myself too. You know, my son was frustrated, thinking he was never gonna get better at some things he's working hard on, and you know he was never gonna be successful. And it was a pretty emotional conversation and I Kind of tapped into my own personal sort of stubbornness and like the fact that I'd never give up on things that I care about. And I said to him you know what I Don't think, so not if I have anything to say about it. You'll figure this out, I'm not giving up on you.
Speaker 2:And After I did that, I Reflectionized that I'm really glad I gave my son that gift and I will keep giving him that gift. I'm not giving up on him, even when it seems like he's not gonna figure this out. And then I thought to myself you know what I could give myself the same gift? And so I added that to my list of self-talk. I'm not giving up on you. Hey, here I am as we speak, you know, still struggling with time management, still struggling with lots of big emotions and feeling like I'm not making the strides I want to make in so many areas and probably letting people down because of all the things that are not perfect about me. And you know what I say to myself, jenny I'm not giving up on you. So don't give up on yourself. Try this out. Give yourself the gift of positive self-talk. I don't care if anybody else thinks you're crazy. I promise you it will work.
Speaker 2:And if you're struggling to come up with it or you need a little help Even coming up with positive things to say to yourself, some of us are so deep into the inner critic. It's really hard to do. I can tell you it's a little easier with the coach. So because Basically, what I'm offering my clients when I'm meeting with them is like an outside person saying here, I believe in you, here's a positive thought like right, and kind of encouraging their brain to start thinking that way.
Speaker 2:And while you can do Everything I described in this podcast for yourself and you can see amazing results when you have a coach helping you through the process, who's done this for other people and done it for themselves, and they have these thoughts at the ready for you to just grab, hold on and keep you accountable that you're actually giving them equal error time. The way you change is so much more powerful and it happens so much more quickly. So if that's something you want, reach out. As you know, I have free console calls. You can just sign up for a few sessions with me. I would absolutely love to work with you on this and I'm telling you by Christmas you can be feeling a Million times better just with a few simple, actual changes. I can help you make all right. I hope you have an awesome week and I'll be back next time with more good stuff. Thanks.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to rethink your rules with Jenny Hobbs MD. Would you like to learn more about how to apply this to your own life through personalized coaching with Jenny? Visit us on the web at Jenny Hobbs MD comm to schedule a free consultation. If you found value in what you heard today, please consider subscribing to the podcast and giving us a five star rating so we can reach even more women like you.