Uniqueness - How to never leave the house without your GLOW!

In this episode, KC, Bri and Nikki explore the idea of uniqueness and how black women have had to carve out their own identities. They discuss the importance of being true to oneself and embracing what makes each individual special. The conversation touches on various aspects of black womanhood, from fashion to personal expression, and how these things contribute to the overall essence of being a black woman with that undeniable glow.

Host KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage), Bri Giger (@brigiger) and Nikki Styles @nikkigot_it

Transcript

00:00 SPEAKER_02 Have you ever felt like your uniqueness was being challenged? Oh, yeah. Oh, y'all should see the eye rolls in this room. For those listening, y'all should see the eye rolls.

00:10 SPEAKER_00 Mm hmm. Mm hmm. When you start thinking about all the people that you've encountered, like you just like, mm hmm. Right. I remember you. Yes.

00:30 SPEAKER_02 What up? What up? What up, y'all? This is That's It, That's All. My name is Kasey Carnage. This is a podcast made for black women, made by a black woman. And today we got our guest on the show. We got Nikki, a.k.a. The Kreg Machine, a.k.a. Very Much That Bitch. Hey. We got Brie Geiger in the house, a.k.a. DJ Brie, a.k.a. Top Supply Security of the World, a.k.a. Your Wet Dreams. And on today's episode, we talk about being unique as a black woman, not letting anybody to take you down and definitely doing you boo. All right. I want to pose a couple of questions as far as the uniqueness of the black woman, like the essence of the black woman. And I just, you know, curious to know, what does that mean to you?

01:37 SPEAKER_00 Like, what do you think makes the black woman unique? I feel like nobody can do it like us. Oh, tell it. You know, like it is because of what we had to come up with. We were forced to be unique and it really benefited us in the long run.

01:51 SPEAKER_02 You know what I think is unique about us? A mix of what you're saying most of the time makes something out of nothing. And also to like our style, like just the way we do things, how we speak, you know, more so how we come together. You see a black woman for also what you like. Hey, girl, like, hey, girl. You know, like we can you could talk about a lot of things and it comes to black women. But I think that like, you know, there's things that makes us make us very special. And I think it's, you know, comes down to our fashion, comes down to the way we cook, the way we speak, the way we, you know, just the fact that we come in all different shapes and sizes, like we aliens for real. And it's funny because I was looking at this post that had like old pictures to new faces and they were like, we keep coming back. Like, it was just a different time. And I and I always thought that was very like it's always been so cool to me.

02:43 SPEAKER_01 What do you think, Bri? I agree. What if that was just my answer?

02:49 SPEAKER_02 I'm like, yes, I hope not. That would make a long show.

02:53 SPEAKER_01 I just like, oh, man, I love this topic because I just I I think about it all the time. You were in the mirror and you're just like, I am like this beautiful black thing. And I couldn't imagine being anything else. I really couldn't. I sometimes I'm like, I'm like, no, I can't. And so I'm like, it's just, you know, you go back into you say, like, alien. It's like there's a thing that's like when a black woman enters the room, we all, you know, you always look, I always look and I'm always like, why did I just look at that? That person? I can't even look at it. It's like this little glow. It's a glow. You can't like you can't even prevent it to like, you know, whether whatever is happening, you just your body, your eyes, the whole thing is it's all eyes on on that. I know I think it's rooted in like, you know, we came to this world, this country as three fifths of a person.

03:43 SPEAKER_02 And so you have to find out the other two. Exactly. We had to figure out that maybe that's what it is. The other two pieces we had to figure out on our own and had to cultivate what that was because it's something different. Every generation, every age is something different. Like you ever seen these like super bionic children like these? These like, oh, wow, you've been here before. Oh, no, definitely. You've been here before, child. I was wondering, like, where you even got that from? So I guess my next my next thing to ask you is that how do you think that you are unique in your own ways? I don't know whether you had to create an alter ego or it's just something that you said, this is what I do. Like, it's only for Nikki. It's only for Casey. It's only for Bree.

04:25 SPEAKER_01 Like, what do you think that is for you? For me, there's like this persona of like, I'm just going to do it. Like, I'm I don't I'll find figure out the repercussions later, which have been really bad, but really good. And the uniqueness of it to me is just that there's just like this like nonstop like go of like, I just like if I see it and I want it and I know I already see it, it's like it's already happened for me.

04:49 SPEAKER_02 You already have it. You just snap your fingers and they did it.

04:51 SPEAKER_01 And for me, yeah, yeah, like it all kind of like comes together, you know, eventually. But for me, even as a kid, and I was always getting in trouble and getting this thing because I was like, that's what I want. And that's what's going to happen. You know, whether it was arts or sports or whatever it was, it was me just like I was doing it. I figured out you pinpoint a time where it was like the aha moment for you. With what? Like as a as a.

05:15 SPEAKER_02 OK, you just said that you came to a conclusion at one point in your life that you were just going to do it.

05:20 SPEAKER_01 Yeah. Do you know when that happened? Oh, wow. I would say I was eight years old. I had a I grew I was on and off in different types of foster care. But I feel like this is I remember the exact foster care home that I was in. And there was a play I wanted to audition for that wasn't like part of the rules or something like that. Parts of like a like a time I needed to be home and like someone's picking me up or some weird structure of some some shit.

05:46 SPEAKER_02 Some government structure that don't align with the play you was trying to audition for. Right. Got it.

05:52 SPEAKER_01 And so I my idea is like, I'm just going to do it and tell everybody after. And that was this for my nose ring. Literally everything in life, I was like, down my head, like everything that was like, no, you're not going to do that. Being gay, everything. I was like, I'm going to do it. And then I'll just figure it out later. And so I remember I auditioned for that play Little Shop of Horrors. And I auditioned for the play. And yeah, I love that shit. And so it was like, it's a big time commitment and whatnot. And so I after I auditioned for it, they were like, oh, well, maybe we should get you more into theater stuff. As if I would if I would have asked, I would have never been that way. But the aha moment for me was literally auditioning and thinking, you know, oh, my God, if I missed out on this opportunity, like this would have been, you know, I felt the draw like be like, OK, this is for the rest of my life.

06:39 SPEAKER_02 You know, does that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. Look, you got to get in where you fit in, you know, and I think, you know, going back to what we said earlier about doing it and being it and creating it. Right. I'm sure like being in that system, there was a lot of odds against you. And you probably did need it to ask permission. But you was like, look, I know what I want to do. I think I don't even know. Like, hey, because you don't know. You think I want to do and you got to jump out there and do it. And I think that strength, you know, plays in, you know, the uniqueness of a black woman, the strength to just be like, all right,

07:10 SPEAKER_00 we're going to do this. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Thank you. Just like, yeah, I'm going to do it and then we're going to deal with it later. You're all going to deal with it because it's already done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For me, it's been a long time to figure out who I actually was. And I think I created, like you said, like an alter ego of like being falsely confident until I actually began to believe and be confident, you know, and now I'm able to like do things like put this on the end of my nose. This weird makeup on the end of my nose.

07:45 SPEAKER_02 We're going to talk to you how I feel about you in a second, because like one of the most creative people I know. Like I'm like, what you got on today?

07:52 SPEAKER_00 Just like just wearing wearing whatever makes me feel good. I don't know if there was a specific moment, but it's just like over time, like I'll be outside being falsely confident, being what I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I started just like feeling super low, you know, and I retreated back inside, back into myself and started going therapy. And I'm like, wait a minute, you know, OK, I know who I am now. I'm the shit for real. Yeah. And I really doubted myself for a long time. And now I'm just going to go outside and let everybody see this.

08:24 SPEAKER_02 You know, you get to participate in this. Yeah, I feel that. I feel that. See, Nikki, she's a she ain't gonna tell you what she is, but she is a designer and like some of the craziest pieces I've ever seen. Like I'm a I crochet to people know, but she started crocheting like a little bit after the pandemic or whatever. And I remember she used to come over. It's like, oh, what's that piece? What's that piece? And like, all right, cool. And then she started like making these pieces like she has this piece on now. I know the people that are listening ain't going to be able to see it, but the people that are watching. Well, tell them about this, because I'll tell you, this is one of the most inventive crochet things I've ever seen. And as a crochet, you're like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm a little bit more prissy. Like, I'm not as I say, I don't wear a lot of streetwear. I do. But like, that's not my like when I think of what I'm going to design. I don't think about that kind of stuff. So when she made it and this thing comes, she got ones that are down to her leg, like down to her ankles. And I was like, that was just very creative. That's a unique thing, like to come up with pieces that are different. I've seen her just grab fabric and wrap it like and tie it. And then she out. Like, and then she and then she's out. So like, like that makes you like, did you find your uniqueness

09:33 SPEAKER_00 inside of your designing? Definitely. It was definitely a way to express myself like for this piece right here. It literally just like was on my mind one day. I was like, I'm going to make something. And I keep seeing this in my head. That's what that's how it happens. Well, I used to call it like a headdress, but then somebody started calling it a Craig, like a crochet wig. Yeah. And we just ran with it. It's been called like Rick James, like a whole bunch of stuff.

09:59 SPEAKER_02 Yeah. Well, you ever thought about having the Creegs with different names to it? Oh, yeah. This is the Rick James Craig. This is the Diana Ross Craig.

10:06 SPEAKER_00 There you go. Right. Cher has something that's similar to this. Like she took a photo. She did a photo.

10:11 SPEAKER_02 So does Nefertiti. I was going to say that. She does. She does. She's original. She's original Craig, for real.

10:17 SPEAKER_00 I don't know. Like with with designing, like I'm really able to bring like what I feel and what I see in my brain outside. And for a long time, I used to like really get upset with myself because I don't sketch that well. Like I can't sketch for shit. And I'm like, you know, I'm just going to do what I see in my head. And when it comes out, I'm like, you know, this is fire. That's with this. Like I've had so many prototypes with this one. And now I'm at a point where, OK, this is one I can produce.

10:41 SPEAKER_02 You got you got you got the pattern on lock. It's easier to show than explain. Yeah, I feel like for me, if I had to say what makes me unique again, and I relate to the fact of trying to be something that people expect you to be. I grew up in a very diverse community. I'm very good at a lot of things, even without being taught. So like I had to like decide on. OK, I got to be this like I'm a singer, so I got to be a singer. I was in corporate America. I got to be this. I got to be this marketer. I'm in college. I got to be this college student. And I realized one day, I don't know if it's necessarily something that I pinpointed, but I realized that like I can utilize everything in my toolbox. And a lot of people around us try to put you in a box to say that you can only do this one thing, like that you didn't know. Like, Brie, you DJ and you, you know, you act and you're a comedian and stuff like that. But what do you get more of? Like, do people label you as the DJ? Do people label you as the comedian? You know, you have many other forms of what you do.

11:45 SPEAKER_01 Yeah, yeah. And I was just going to say, I struggle a lot with what you said that you your strength is of having a bunch of different things and trying to like hone it all together. I struggle a lot because I feel like people always are trying to pull me into a different direction. Like, what do you want to do more? I'm like, it's I acting is my everything. I love it to be a different character, just escape from Brie for a bit. I love it. But I also love music a lot, you know, and I love comedy and I love working by myself. Oh, my God, I love working by myself. Group projects suck. Yeah. Right. Right. So honestly, to answer that, it is a big struggle. It is something I really want to hone in this year and figure that out. But also, I'm like, do I need to figure it out?

12:23 SPEAKER_02 That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. And that was for me, my hot moment. I realized that, like, I moved faster. And I don't like to use the word faster because now everything sometimes things take time to develop. But I felt like I was moving at a clearer intention when I wasn't so focused on what I needed to be all the time. Yeah. Like I was just able when I decided to be like, I'm going to be in my realness and be who I am and whatever I am produces. That's what your motherfuckers is going to get. Yeah. And you're either going to like it or love it. And one of the things about me is that I love building community. Like, I got a lot of friends and I know a lot of people. And I said, like, all the people that I know are my friends. I won't say that. But I will say that the biggest thing about me is that I do like bringing people together. One of the biggest things that I love seeing out on the crowd when I have five different pockets of friends and then y'all all are getting together. You know, like y'all all having a good time. We all are making connections together. That fills my heart. And I think that's a unique trait of mine is that I can have that ability to say, oh, y'all can be in this room together. You know what I'm saying? And y'all gonna be like, oh, that person was dope. Like, you know what I'm saying? And it's just it's it's it's funny how we do that. And I think that as black women, you know, like going through, like, you know, history and stuff like that, we all is the gatherers. Right. Oh, you know, the gatherers, like we're taking care of people. We're putting people in places where mothering, we're nurturing and stuff like that. And I feel like when it comes to like a tribe of black women, it's very powerful. Like, it's a very powerful force. And I made a decision like I think on one of the episodes we had, we're talking about sisterhood. Right. And how I didn't feel like I was a complete woman until I had some form of a sisterhood. Right. I had like, you know, not everybody's tribe is as big as everyone else is. But like, I feel like when you have that commonality, when you have that kind of sisterhood, it brings out a lot of you. You know what I mean? That you didn't know was in there

14:19 SPEAKER_01 because you also didn't have nobody to bounce that off of. Right. And then you find out like, oh, that happened to you. You felt that way, too. Right. You know, you're like, oh, I thought I was alone with that feeling. Right. Your sister, your friend is like, oh, no, friend.

14:31 SPEAKER_02 I've been no friend. That's the one for me. Get me together. So how do you think your specific uniqueness or your specific talents play in your life?

14:43 SPEAKER_00 Like your day to day? I'm kind of similar to what you were saying. Like, I'm good at a lot of things. And it's like that allows me to meet a lot of people, too. It just helps me to explore myself more through meeting people. Like you realize you see yourself in other people. Yeah. Like, like, damn, I used to do the same thing.

15:02 SPEAKER_02 Or you just see how you've grown, like, and because all of you seeing yourself with other people, you also like, I don't want to see that. It's like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. That used to be me.

15:11 SPEAKER_00 I don't want to do that no more. And it feels better. How does my uniqueness? Tied to my everyday circle back to me.

15:20 SPEAKER_01 OK, OK, little tag team. I feel like acting and performing or just performing, even DJing and stuff, too, has brought a sense of ease to me. Somebody yelling in my ear trying to tell me to play a song or even like a club owner or something insane or some ridiculous or some type of racist weird shit all here while I barely have a headphone.

15:42 SPEAKER_02 OK, I'm a pause you. Tell me the funniest thing that you heard in your ear while you was DJing. Funniest. The craziest or whatever, some outlandish shit, because I got to know because I know DJs get it. They're like, play this, play that, play this, play that. And they like, I don't take requests.

15:59 SPEAKER_01 I know. Because sometimes the request is like, oh, damn, yeah, I'll play that. But sometimes it's like, what? You want to play John Lennon right now? No. OK, the funniest thing someone's ever said in my ear was I just looked it up. It was like some Beethoven. There's like Beethoven classical stuff. And I was literally like, no, they're like, please. They're like, no, it's like some remix thing or whatever. But it was the song was Beethoven. Whatever. I was like, I don't even know how to spell it. And so I was like, no. And then he slept me a 20 and I put it on and I played it, some remix Tiktok, X SoundCloud song. I played it. I was getting real nervous. You know, I only had a few minutes to like preview it. And I played it and it had some wild ass, crazy ass Afro beats drop. And it was and everyone went wild and crazy. But it was a minute of just Beethoven, blah, blah, blah. So I definitely had to work for it. I was kind of sweating like, oh, my God. And so it was funny because I was like, no, I'm not going to play Beethoven. I get out of here. Hey, you know. And then I played it and it was it was crazy. The funny, the weirdest thing, the craziest thing that happened was somebody came up to me and said that they they were like, hey, I'm so sorry. With a security team behind them. But I think I hit your car. And I was like, because I had just parked outside. This is crazy. We are friends now and it's fine. And they handled it. But I parked my car outside and they saw me take my DJ stuff out. And then this drunk girl hit my car. And that was crazy because I had to just like, you know, had to just.

17:29 SPEAKER_02 You know, like the back of your mind, you're like, my car is fucked up. I don't know what to do. And I don't know if my insurance is right. You know, like something like something you got something in your head you really be worried about. Like, but you got to you got to step up to the plate. Like, I'm still at work. I can't just be like, I said over like, yeah, that's the thing.

17:48 SPEAKER_01 You can't do that. That's the thing. And I think that has helped me not like, you know, smack a bitch, because I was like, because that energy of just being like, oh, it's all good. Also, everyone's seeing me. Everything seen anything could be videoed or used against me at any time instead of freaking out, which Bri and her 20s would do at everything. I would say that because, you know, we're talking about lessons and learning. I would just slip out for just as an Aries. I just slip out. And I would be in. So when she said that, that hit my car. My first thought was like, you know what? That's what happens. You brought your car to a club. There's young people in Hollywood.

18:25 SPEAKER_02 You know, I mean, my brain, like, bitch, I'm not the fuck.

18:27 SPEAKER_01 Well, you know, that was my third thought was definitely how bad is it, bitch? But the first I was like, I said, OK, I really was like, OK, you know, I was I was thankful, though, because the security guard brought it over to me. All these people, because I don't think she was going to say. But I was thankful because I was like, OK, you know, I was thankful. I wasn't in that car and no, you know, whatnot. But yeah, it's helped me say calm for a little bit.

18:55 SPEAKER_02 I think if I had to think about it or had to say something, you know, like this, all that question, like, I got to say something. I would have to say, I think identifying when you need help is a it's a it's a it's a very unique thing to do. Oh, yeah. You know, we talk about being strong black women. We got to be strong all the time. We got to hold everything on our shoulders. We got to do all this stuff. I can't take care of man, husband, wife, you know, whatever it is. We got to take care of it. So I think that, you know, what I try to use in my everyday, as far as my uniqueness is really try to not overwhelm myself. Like I do suffer from anxiety. So I've had to cope with certain mechanisms that help me daily. Like, like I'll get in a car with my friends and just like, and they're like, you good? I was like, no, I'm just I got to gear myself for this ride because you're about to be in my you're about to be in my ear. Like, you know, I'm saying if I walk in and walk into a space that feels uncomfortable, sometimes I walk out or even like I'll be at parties sometimes like it's two or two things that I'm going to do at any given time. I'm taking that somewhere. Like if it's one of those overnighters, those all nighters, like I'm a find somewhere to take me in. Right. Right. Right. Or I'm the disappear. Like I just like I'll go for a walk. Like I'm good for just like I got to go for a walk. I need air or whatever. And I think that like I try to keep that in my in the back of my mind every day that when I am feeling overwhelmed or if I need help with something or knowing that like I'm a person that likes to plan things and do things and constantly keep moving all the time. And, you know, sometimes you fall short of that. Sometimes you lose yourself. You know what I mean? And I've tried to like, especially in the last year or so, really try to be very intentional about when I'm feeling in these certain ways. So I think I think that's a unique trait, like, you know, like to like really be aware of what you need for your body. And I try, you know, I can only be, you know, who I can be. And I can only try and strive to be the best I can be. And with that, you got to accountability, you know, kind of kind of accountability. You know, like those words always like trip you up, even though your mind is saying it, your mouth don't say it.

21:01 SPEAKER_00 Wait, can we circle back, Nick? Yes. OK, so I think that over time, I realized that I'm supposed to like talk to people. But I used to like just not talk to people and be shy and quiet and act like I don't know how to talk. But being that I know how to do so many different things or what I do is like really unique like this, this is going to cause somebody to come up and talk to me. Right. And that's another connection started right there. And who knows like where that connection is going to take me? It's taking me a lot of places. Like I've met a lot of people like off the creek. Yeah. Off the creek, off the music, off of something I'm wearing, making friends on the Internet. Like I think it's I think it's been very beneficial to me and my growth as a person. Like to stop being scared to be me. Seeing that I'm unique and somebody's going to fuck with something that I do. Like, OK, you're good. You're good. You're still good. You're enough. You're more than enough. Someone's going to fuck with you regardless. Whatever you got going on, you got a hundred things going on. It's a hundred people going to fuck with you. Like, right. Yeah.

21:59 SPEAKER_02 Yeah. I love that. Yeah, I love that too. And it's funny because you don't know who's going to fuck with what. That's the that's the that's the special part about it. Like you really don't know. Like you can even go like this, but outfits that I've thrown on, even though I am a early riser, I am a well prepared person. I always feel like I'm running behind. Like I always feel like I'm running five minutes behind. So sometimes I wear something and I'm like, I don't even want to wear this, but I don't got time to think about what I'm going to wear. And somebody like that outfit is fly. Oh, my God. I just put this on. Like, you don't know. Like, you don't know what I usually do. Like, you don't know what I usually do. You don't know how I usually show up. So it's like it's funny that, like, you know, the perception of how people perceive you is way different than you may perceive yourself. And I think that is that is golden, too, because you you might think you're looking like a hot mess and you do that. And it's like, oh, that's the newest do rag in the game. Yeah. Like they read the do rag. Like, what can I get one of them? Right. So it's like it's like that. So I also ask, do you have a person or a thing that you can attach being unique to? Like, as far as like your inspiration, you look up to something or something or being or could be a painting. Like, is it something that you just thought that was so beautiful? It's just like, I wish I can capture that kind of creativity,

23:19 SPEAKER_01 that kind of uniqueness. Your questions are so good. I keep checking to see if they're like written over here, because I'm like, how is she coming up with these?

23:27 SPEAKER_02 Like, they're at the top of the dome. Off the dome. Actually, my friend Chris made this. Chris, Chris actually painted that. I knew it. He actually painted that. Yeah. Another dope artist.

23:37 SPEAKER_01 He actually painted that. That's beautiful. Yeah. What a good question. Inspiration, like a specific person.

23:44 SPEAKER_02 Yeah, a thing. It could be a thing. It could be that plant literally right next to you.

23:47 SPEAKER_00 I feel like I can attach mine to my mother. I lost her when I was 19, but it's just like, I'm still realizing how unique she was every day. Like something different to come. I'm like, damn, my mom was really the shit. Like, and I didn't even know. Like, so many things happened when I was young that I suppressed so much shit. Like, I was like, I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm not going to be able to do this. I was like, I was depressed so much shit. Like when I got older and started doing fashion and just like being a creative person. Like my mom used to sing. She was a very Christian, but she still knew how to dress, you know, to nice. Like she wore the long skirts, but it was always some fly shit. Like my mom always wore some fly shit, even though it was like very covering. And she used to crochet too. And it's like, I didn't even remember that she crocheted until like I had like an epiphany. Like I was like 29. Is that how you learn? No. Oh, what? No, I just remembered like out of the blue. And I was like, damn, there was a big bag of crochet items in the closet. And she she stopped, you know, obviously, like I guess to take care of the kids and to like pursue her dreams of being a teacher. But I was like, damn, like she taught me a lot without teaching me a lot. Like, I think subconsciously I saw her, like I saw her doing these things and it didn't. It didn't register until I was older.

25:13 SPEAKER_02 Right, right, right. I mean, I guess I would have to say it's not necessarily a person, but a thing. Watch, I knew I was unique. OK, so I didn't go to school for music, even though I'm a singer now, ironically. And then and then fifth grade, you know, like the fifth grade yearbook was like black and white pictures that they just kind of like stay put together. Like, you don't really get a good yearbook in middle school. It's saying my thing that I wanted to be a singer. And mind you, like I wasn't I didn't go like I just went to art school. So we did everything we did. So we sang, we acted. That's what we did. Mm hmm. But I remember distinctively where I felt like I was unique in that field, even though that wasn't in my for my forefront of what I thought I was going to do. I remember in choir in my church, we had one of the best children's choirs. Like, I don't know where these kids came from, but we all knew how to sing. Like that junk was bussing. Like, I wish I could find those tapes. I had such a powerful voice that had a lot of range. I was singing everything. And not only was I in the children's choir, I was also in bells. I was also in chimes. I was also in liturgical dance and I was also in adult choir. So I guess if I had to pinpoint where I felt I was unique, the fact that I was so young and so versatile in that art form and whether it was what we called because not visual arts, it would just be like performing arts, performing arts. Yeah. Like I didn't really although I wasn't like, you know, my mom couldn't really afford to put me in dance classes or any extra outside of my school. I still was innately given the talents to be able to do it in so many forms. So I have to say, if I had to identify as a young age, like a special inspiration or anything like that, I would have to take it back to me in choir and in church and them giving us the platform to do all these mediums, you know, because not everybody gets that opportunity to do that. And I think that that helps build who you are. Like you said, subconsciously, like, you know, like you don't think that like why you five going, you're going to be able to, you know, now you know, pitch like, you know, you didn't know they just give you a sheet and a whole bunch of different bells. And you're like, all right, the C one is the big deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That G bell is like, you know, it's like, it's like, you don't know that these things are getting instilled to you and inspiring you until you get older. You like, oh, I can see that. Oh, I can do that. Oh, I can get in front of a camera and talk to people. And it's so funny. Another thing is that I used to have, although I did all those things, I could never do any lead parts because I still had like major stage fright. Even though like you get you get me in a group and an ensemble. I was there, you know, I'm saying, but when it came to like anything solo, you know, it actually got me on the stage fright. I literally had stage fright until I moved out here, really. What? Maybe college ish. And I used to go to karaoke every Wednesday. That got you out of stage fright or like got me on a stage fright where I can be by myself and solo like that. You know, like, you know, after after a while of going to karaoke. Right. Right. Right. Right. And I was like, it's funny because it's like it's so dumb. But I guess because it took off so much pressure.

28:15 SPEAKER_01 Right. Because everyone's like, yeah, yeah, like that energy. But really, that's the energy at any place you go when you're performing.

28:21 SPEAKER_02 But it's more so like finding it in yourself. Right. You know, I mean, once you get over, you know, you're you are your worst enemy. They are your worst enemy. Yeah, Brie. Yeah, Brie.

28:30 SPEAKER_01 So what about you, Brie? Those were so good. I love those. It's crazy, because like, for whatever reason, Sister Act keeps coming in my head. And I don't and I don't know. I think I know why, but I don't like I'm like, why?

28:46 SPEAKER_02 But I mean, like, joyful, joyful, little we adore it. You know why? Yeah. That was lit.

28:53 SPEAKER_01 Besides that, I'm like, what? There's something I mean, obviously, like that was I just like watch that all day, every day. But I don't know, just the and then the the the cast of it, how they excelled in life. And then also the, you know, the Sister Act two, the classmates, the the the ensemble and how different what they were in all the different homes and things that they were coming from and whatnot, but they were so swaggy and then talented and then great. And they were like the least unexpected people to just like pop off. And I love that. But I'm whoopie. Like, I guess the whole OK, just the whole the whole thing. I don't know. Just yes, Sister Act, for whatever reason, is just like predominantly like really in my upbringing.

29:40 SPEAKER_02 OK, so with that being said, have you ever felt like your uniqueness was being challenged? Like someone made you feel bad for being what you wanted to do and who you needed to be? Oh. Mm hmm. Yeah. Oh, you should see the eye rolls in this room for those listening. You should see the eye rolls. Mm hmm.

30:00 SPEAKER_00 Mm hmm. A black girl would definitely be like, hmm. You start thinking about all the people that you've encountered, like, you just like, mm hmm. Right. I remember you. Yeah. OK, OK, OK. So maybe that's too easy of a question.

30:11 SPEAKER_02 Like, we know we got those. Right. Let me ask. OK, let me let me let me tag. Let me put a tag on that. So has anything or anyone made you feel bad about being your uniqueness that actually put you in a space that you felt like you couldn't move forward? Like actually like made you doubt yourself? Are we naming names? You could do what you want. Oh. Mr. Sanderson.

30:34 SPEAKER_01 No, I was just going to say I was a great teacher. Yeah. Mine was Miss Cox, C.O.X. Miss Cox. Yeah. Look at her now, Miss Cox. Yeah, she's yeah, she's gone. But yeah, she's gone. Yeah. OK. I wanted to so bad because when I got into my BFA program, I wanted to so bad go back and like, tell her, you know, what's what's good. But but I I got kicked out of my BFA program when I was like, was I just like 20 years old sophomore year that you it's a class of 10 and then at the university and so the BFA. And so I was in it for two years. And then on my third year is when I got kicked out. And the older I got, I realized there wasn't a lot of things for me to excel as an actress to like really perform and showcase or anything. There was nothing I was in, you know, to show what I was doing or what I like, what I could do when I like break it down like that. But then their idea was they told me that they didn't see it in me as like a longevity, as a long term thing. It wasn't a serious thing. It wasn't then I was 20. I almost was 21. I was I was those four locals and stuff. I was like, you know, I didn't care. I just I didn't I wasn't it wasn't there was no if there was a thing for me to excel in, I would have excelled in it. I was having my own. I put on my own shows. I had this like Black History Month show that I did. And I was, you know, I was trying to make my own stuff or whatever. But it was like a university. So these things that they were putting on were things that I like. They weren't going to cast like a big black woman. You know, I was making the other, you know, men in the cast like seem small. Even when we did Shakespeare and stuff, like the man I was paired with, he like I had to switch up with him because he was too small. And I and I, you know, I'm 60 tall, 200 pounds. Right. They couldn't handle the thickness and all this stuff. Like they were always trying to put me somewhere or whatnot. But, you know, for years getting kicked out of the BFA was like, it's like this huge thing for like for my family, for everyone else in the BFA, for all the theater kids I've acted with. And then coming to L.A. and trying to get a job or even auditioning in New York and saying that it was kind of like it was like really shunned upon or whatever. And, you know, and so I started to listen to that for for a while. And the click was also when I when I got older, I was like, oh, that wasn't they didn't that that I mean, shit. That was just like they didn't see a place for me. There wasn't the shows that they were producing at the time. There was nothing there was nothing there for me to do. But that that happening, that had messed me up for like for a while. And it needed to because I also was cocky as an actress because I thought the world I was good enough to do it. So I thought the world owed me all these roles and I could enter the room and get them. Right. Right.

33:06 SPEAKER_02 So yeah, yeah, right.

33:09 SPEAKER_00 Miss Cox is right. Got it. For me, it's like family. Like my oldest brother. We haven't spoke since I moved to California. How long is that? Eight, eight years. Wow. He didn't agree with my lifestyle decision to move here and what I'm pursuing. And like we went from like literally talking every day, like sitting on his porch, like in the country, talking every day, to not talking at all. And I couldn't figure it out for the longest time. I'm like, damn, OK, I'm in California. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. I'm going to let me work at this burger place. Let me let me go do this. Let me go do that. And I was not confident at like in anything, honestly. And then, like I said, you know, once I just like retreated to myself and came back out, I'm like, OK, maybe it was something with him. Like it wasn't me. Mm hmm. You know, like he was probably projecting whatever was happening with him. But it's like I shouldn't let that hold me back in a sense. Like, it just started like being who I am for me, because what I eat don't make him shit.

34:22 SPEAKER_02 You know, OK. OK. I love that. What I eat don't make you shit. Well, that being said, I want to wrap this up by I like to leave a message at the end of all these shows. Right. What would you say to the next about being themselves? We're going to keep it short because we got to wrap it up. But I would like you to leave a message to somebody who's looking like, how do I just be me or how can you know,

34:47 SPEAKER_00 how can I use my uniqueness to spread love in the world? Mm hmm. For anybody that's like scared, just pretend like you're not. And eventually you will not be scared.

34:59 SPEAKER_01 I love that so much. OK, we got it. So good. That's a real shit, though. Honestly, you'll figure it out. I love that. I would say you're doing everybody you're doing people a disservice or people that believe in you by like not doing it or not even trying or just not even like lifting a finger to do it because your thoughts have already made you believe you can't. So, yeah, just go for it. And the millisecond that you don't, there's three thousand million people who just did. And then it's then it's a whole thing. You got to start over again and and do it. Just do it. Even if it's not ready, put it out there, post it. Just, you know, talk about it. Put a podcast on, show it like do it before you're ready.

35:39 SPEAKER_02 And then you'll you'll be ready. Kind of like that's what I would say. Welcome to I don't care. That's what I would say. Tell them welcome to I don't care. Yeah. And I just want to thank you all for coming on the show today. Thank you, Nikki. Thank you, Bree. 

And Daz it, Daz ALL!!!!     . Yes. I was like, I hope I remember that.  

Daz It Daz All is written by me, KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage) and Produced by myself and Rick Barrio Dill (@rickbarriodill). Executive producer is Duff Ferguson, our Senior producer is Sabrina Siewert, Associate producer Bri Correy (@bribeats), Audio and Video Engineering and Studio facilities provided by S.L.A.P. Studios LA (@SLAPStudiosLA) with distribution through our collective for social progress and cultural expression, SLAP the Network. (@SLAPtheNetwork.com)

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