Self-Worth - The best way to value yourself? Decide to do it yourself.

In this episode, the hosts discuss the importance of knowing one's self-worth and setting standards for how they want to be treated. They emphasize the need for alignment and being true to oneself. The hosts also touch on the challenges of finding self-worth and the misconception that it is tied to money or job status. They encourage listeners to recognize their worthiness simply for being alive.

Host KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage), Monique Senior (@yogaflowmo) and Ellen branch @simply_ellen_yoga

Transcript

00:00 SPEAKER_02 The journey I'm on, that path, me even wanting to delve deeper into what it all means and really coming into myself that discipline. So I would say… We don't got no discipline. I actually… The thing is that it's funny because we actually, we know, we really do. Me and KC, you got to work on it. We have to work on it.

00:22 SPEAKER_00 How do you get disciplined?

00:23 SPEAKER_01 We be trying to order it Rush On Prime and stuff. That's it, that's all. That's it, that's all. That's it, that's all. Black excellence at its finest. How that skin glows, she's a true diamond. With the world out her back, she's still smiling. Never let that crown sit, she stays thriving. That's it, that's all. That's it, that's all. That's it, that's all. That's it, that's all. Is that really it though? All right, what up, what up, what up, what up? Welcome to That's It, That's All. My name is KC Carnage and I'll be your host. Today I brought some girls on the couch. You know, we like to get together, indulge in shared experiences and just have a good old kiki. So today we have on the couch, Yoga Flow Mo, aka Yogini, aka Hollywood Mo, you know. And you know, usual suspect. We got aka Elenisha. I don't even got to give you her alias. Y'all have seen her before. She's a regular on the show. Well, today I want to talk about, she's Zanny. She's definitely Zanny. Okay, I'm here for it. Okay. Today I want to talk about knowing your worth and having standards about how people treat you, how you want to, you know, be in the world and how we get up to having those standards. Because, you know, it comes along through experiences and things that happen in your life. And I know as a black woman, you know, we got to have our standards. And sometimes those standards are, you know, being deemed as too much or not enough or whatever the case may be. So we're talking about more so like, how do you keep your standards? How do you keep your worth and how you put it out in the world?

02:09 SPEAKER_02 So my first question, you can ask, what is knowing your self worth mean to you? For me, like within my imperfection, I'm still that girl, right? So I am so about like, what aligns with me. And if it's like not aligned with me, then I'm not going with it or so. So I guess that's where I'm at. My self worth is like knowing what's aligned. And I just love that for me right now. So that's where I'm at in my imperfection. She's that girl, y'all.

02:38 SPEAKER_01 She's that girl. Beyonce said it best.

02:40 SPEAKER_03 How about you, Ellen? That song, with that song, go, know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, know when to run. I don't know that one. It's a country song.

02:50 SPEAKER_01 I'm sorry, y'all. Somebody's going to know. I'm sorry. That's your daddy?

02:54 SPEAKER_03 We told you she's daddy. But no, really, that thing, that's what it is. Like you have to listen to your intuition and always be on ten of like, if something's not vibing with you, you know, take that observation and be like, okay, next time, move accordingly.

03:08 SPEAKER_01 And that's kind of where I am now. I guess for me, I would say being honest with myself and the people around me, because, you know, like y'all know me well enough. I can get real out of pocket, but most of the stuff I be saying be real. Like it just be the delivery. The delivery might not be right. But you know what I say, be real. And I think that like having, you know, self-worth in yourself and also seeing self-worth in the people around you is keeping people honest. Like a lot of times, especially when you're with your friends, you know, like I be telling people, you talking to the wrong friend, you got to tell that story to somebody else because I done seen it. I've been through it with you. And sometimes people make up their own, you know, realities to help them cope through whatever they want to cope with. And that's cool. But if you're going to come to me and you're going to talk to me about a situation like you got to stay honest, because I'm going to try to be as honest with you as I am with myself. So for me, that's what self-worth would be about keeping honesty. Same thing with you, staying in alignment. Same with you, you know, being where you need to be and keeping on that track. So, you know, people out there, you know, I know they're having, you know, some people have a hard time finding their worth. You know what I mean? They do. And it's like. And no shade to that. Because that's a journey. That's a part of your journey as well.

04:19 SPEAKER_03 But I think the worth part is a lot a lot of times associated with like the money you make or the job you have. And I think that people need to understand that they are worthy just because they are breathing, woke up this morning like you're worthy.

04:33 SPEAKER_01 Whatever you're doing, you're worthy of it. And it's also to like, I mean, that's why I say self, you know what I mean? Because unfortunately, we are worth something, right? And it does involve the house we live in. It does involve the money we make. Can we get things? Are we on the street? Like it is that is your worth. But when it comes down to self worth, that I think is what's going to help you propel like how you feel about yourself. And when you feel good about yourself, even when you're not feeling good about yourself, that always happens as well. But I feel like that is when you can kind of find the true essence of you. So I mean, that's what I would say.

05:08 SPEAKER_03 So my next question would be, how do you go about teaching people how to treat you? I used to struggle with just letting people kind of treat me any kind of way and then me trying to fit in, getting where I fit in. But I think at this point in my life, like if I'm if I don't like how you treat me, I'm going to tell you and I'm going to give you a chance to show me. But then after that, I'm removing myself. At this point, I'm doing myself a disservice by just continuing to let you treat me any kind of way.

05:37 SPEAKER_02 So so yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely been a journey for me. So it has evolved. And I you know, this space where I'm at right now, like I don't know if I'm going to be you know, further along. But I think I have a pretty clear understanding how I want to be treated. So I'm actually pretty quick to remove myself from a situation like so. I mean, I don't know. I guess I give chances, but not really. Like, I feel like I don't like especially it depends on like who I'm dealing with. So if it's an adult, I'm given that respect, you know, so I do expect that as well. But also, I can't expect me from everybody. So I can also know when I just need to just remove myself from a situation because it's just not aligned with me.

06:23 SPEAKER_01 So well, let me ask you this. Like on the flip side of what you guys are saying, removing yourself when people and that's how you're teaching people to treat you. You're saying that if you don't treat me the way I deserve, I'm just going to remove myself. Right. So on the flip side of that is like, how can you decipher when people are treating you a certain way based on your actions and why you're getting the reaction that you're getting?

06:45 SPEAKER_02 Well, I'm not problem sometimes. I'm 100% the problem, but I'm OK with that. And if that's how I'm moving and this is the constant, you know, it's OK. That's my bad. I know where it is like, I don't know, that might have been toxic.

07:00 SPEAKER_03 But with that, I'm also not responsible for how people choose to act. Like if I'm in a mood and I'm feeling some type of way and I'm in my feelings, you don't need to go and jump in that mood with me and add fuel to the fire. Well, I mean, energy is energy. If you act in raunchy, I'm going to be raunchy with you. It's like if you see a kid having a tantrum, you don't go and lay on the floor with the kid.

07:17 SPEAKER_01 No, but parents yell at that kid. They sure enough be getting turned up on that kid. Yes, they do. Not all. I think not all. I want to say all. But there is a level of energy exchange that happens when somebody brings that energy in the room. So I was just asking as a double-edged sword, how would you remove that if that reaction

07:35 SPEAKER_02 is based off of something you did? The thing is that I can also take ownership. So I am 100% like it might take me a little while. I have to process. But I'm also learning to be less reactive to things and really try. That's a lesson. Yeah. So I do think that I'm pretty thoughtful in how I walk around the world and my intention. I also feel like me being more intentional, I'm more able to see who or actually ask people, what are your intentions? And when I feel like I know someone's heart, I could be wrong. But I've been pretty spot on, especially recently. And I can kind of know if this is a situation that maybe I need to add a little bit more love to it. Or OK, let me just remove. So it's just about discernment. And I feel like that's something I prayed about.

08:27 SPEAKER_03 I can definitely agree with that. I feel like I'm the opposite. I'm not reactive at all until I'm like, get the fuck out of my face. Like, don't talk to me no more. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm so chill. And then when something happens and I do act out of what everybody consider as normal Ellen, then I get like, oh my God, what's wrong with her? Why is she tripping? Like, y'all don't realize? Like, I've been out here tolerating. You know what I'm saying?

08:49 SPEAKER_01 I don't know. I guess I'm a little bit of both. Because here's the thing with me. Like, I don't even let you get there with me. That's the thing. Like, as soon as I feel like something strange, I'm going to call it out. I'll probably will call it out in front of a lot of people. Like, if it happens, I usually am a person that will say something as soon as it happens. Now, depending on how big the situation and how, I guess, majorly affected I am about it, I can either sit on it and come back or I'm a blow up and then still sit on it and come back. But I always feel like at the end of the day, regardless of what I think the conversation may end or the situation may end, I always want to have the conversation. Because I feel like with misunderstandings comes understanding. So me teaching you how to treat me is me saying, yes, you got cursed out for that second, but tell me why you did that. You know what I mean? That's like because I don't know why.

09:38 SPEAKER_02 But what if you feel like they know? Like, there's some people know better. Like, you know what I'm saying?

09:43 SPEAKER_01 Like, yeah, for sure. I agree with you on some people know better. And I mean, but again, going back to what you said about the sermon, that's that's depending on the person, you know, you know what I mean? Because it's different between you and I, who have been friends for over 20 years. There's somebody I met yesterday and we was cool for a week. They get in their asses, cussed out. You you might get cussed out, but at least I'm going to come back and be like, what's up? So it's definitely discernment and figuring out what how people really are moving, because some people are reactive and they are moving out of emotion. And that's not who they are. That's not how they would normally treat you. And that's what I feel like you got to identify. Like, is this person acting like themselves to the person that I used to know or something really going on that is causing them to be, you know, whatever? I just learned something today. So you can speak in the back, you know, I was watching a mo got me watching Vanderbilt rules and I've been hooked and it was talking about one of the moms came and was talking about the reptilian mind. She's talking about her reptilian mind, where basically when you're having conflict, that's the mind that starts acting out, starts cursing. Yeah. I was like, man, I need to stop being a reptile because my reptilian mind be going off sometimes. But, you know, it's getting some people, you know, react from emotions. So it's good to have discernment. All right. So my next question are, what have your struggles been finding your self-worth and has it ever backfired on you?

11:05 SPEAKER_03 Mm hmm. Oh, yeah. I don't even know, like, explain that. Can you? I got an example. You got one? So when I was younger, I grew up, I grew up relatively like Southern Baptist, you know, Christian energy.

11:19 SPEAKER_01 But I'm still in this 20, this 19 crimes by Snoop Dogg. It's actually really good. Shout out Snoop Dogg. Do you want some before your ice runs out? Yeah, I'm dripping. Yeah, it's OK. You can drip. Drip, drip, drip.

11:32 SPEAKER_03 Ain't nobody dry. So I grew up in a pretty, you know, Southern Christian, you know, Baptist household. And although it was definitely, you know, abstinence only type energy, no celibacy, all of that. Well, not really, but, you know, abstinence period. Just don't do it at all. No, no celibacy type energy. Just don't do it at all. I found myself doing things with, you know, people at a not at a very young age, but I was exploring because I was so like interested in understanding what I liked and what I wanted and how I felt in my body. And I think that it backfired on me because there are certain things that I wish I would have been able to like not feel like I needed to give up yet. You know what I mean? Like, and not even just virginity, but just like kissing a guy and like, you know, letting them like touch on your leg and just doing like little things that it was just there because it was it was there. Like, it wasn't no, I like him. It was like, OK, I want to see what this feels like. You know? And I think that that was the part that backfired on me. Because as I got older, I was like, I want more than just like the physical stimulation. And then I had to kind of find that.

12:41 SPEAKER_01 It's so funny you say that because I would have gone to the gym I would equate me trying to find myself worth it backfiring due to sex as well. It's funny that you say that because more so not necessarily a an actual specific example, but just like sex in general. I feel like for a long time, I think I was just doing it because I was OK. Well, you know, I'm that girl. You know what I'm saying? I can get what I want. But really, like, it won't be what I want. I was looking at the I was like, I look at my list. Like, you know, you got to everybody got their list. You got your list in the back of your mind of what you did in the dark. You know what I'm saying? It's like, not in the dark. You did it in the dark. So you have a list in your mind of what you have done throughout your life. And a lot of it is, you know, like you're doing you're losing your virginity. Why? Because your friends are all losing your virginity. That's a part of trying to fit in is a part trying to find yourself work. Or I remember this one time, I remember this one time, I was with one of my friends and I was like, I was like, I was like, I didn't really grow breasts until like maybe later on. I got a little weight. So I remember these guys was coming over. We stuffed our bras. And for whatever reason, I stuffed my bra all the way out. I don't know, like I had like a G. I was like, Casey, what is all these socks doing here? I don't know. But it was because I felt like, you know, if I looked better, if I had, you know, this thing, I would feel better. And I was like, I'm some raggedy muffins. You know, you look back, you like these dusty boys and these dusty girls, whoever he was playing with under the under the staircase in school. You know what I mean? Those people. But how about you, Mom?

14:20 SPEAKER_02 I don't even know if I can answer this question. I'm like really struggling with it for some reason. I like grew up being a real like, I don't want to say nerdy. Is that OK? Is that a piece? Like, like I was a very true. Yeah, that was me. So I actually really wasn't trying like I really wasn't checking for these guys or whatever like that.

14:39 SPEAKER_01 What was it? I mean, so I'm what was your example?

14:42 SPEAKER_02 No, but that's I'm just saying is like, I actually like, I think I don't remember when I actually realized like, oh, shit, I'm bad as fuck. So it was like total opposite for me. And it was like, I actually like, you know, I'm a good person. And I'm not trying to be like self righteous in no way, because I just think maybe I'm struggling with this question. I don't know. OK. You know, we can move right along.

15:06 SPEAKER_01 All right. What are some things that you have done to achieve self-worth

15:10 SPEAKER_02 either personally or professionally? My like meditation practice and my yoga practice, like me being that spiritual person has really grounded me in a way where I'm able to be more aware of like what I'm feeling in my surroundings and more sure of myself in that, in, you know, in that respect. So I like attribute a lot of my self-worth to that. I also think, you know, I look good. I look good. I look good. You know what I mean? So it's like I really. But I do feel like my inner like, you know, that work that I have done has definitely helped in a big way.

15:51 SPEAKER_01 Is that just personally or is that professionally as well?

15:56 SPEAKER_02 Yeah, like, I guess it's obviously because that's like kind of the the journey I'm on that path. Me even wanting to delve like deeper into like what it all means. And like really coming into myself that discipline. So I would say we don't got no discipline. I actually, you know, the thing is that it's funny because we actually we know we really do. Yeah, yeah. Me and Casey got to work on it.

16:22 SPEAKER_00 We have to work on it. How do you get disciplined? Yeah.

16:26 SPEAKER_02 You're trying to order it rush on prime and stuff. But, you know, it's, you know, but there are some things I do have. Like that, my practice, like my personal practice, I actually like I'm really trying to stick to because y'all would be really mad if I did.

16:41 SPEAKER_03 So that's what we agree, because I think that's how we bonded. We first met each other with yoga and just being able to like do yoga together, but not have to be like looking at you like, oh, girl, look what I can do. Like, we don't see her in flow. And if I see you fall, I'm like, all right, like we are here together. They don't laugh it off. But I feel the same way. Like I struggled when like y'all ain't see me in a while. But I've been I had a broke wrist and I was depressed as fuck. Like, a for real, for real, like for real, because I couldn't do yoga. And I was so sad. Like I I had to chop my hair off because I couldn't do my hair. I couldn't put my hair in a ponytail. Like what you thought I was about to do? You thought about the walker, I look like a ragamuffin. Yes, because it was just so it was so like yoga and being able to go to, you know, walk good, you know, on Sundays and being able to just be in a group of black folks doing yoga, it gives me life. And not being able to fully participate is like it felt like I was dying. Like death by a thousand pricks. Like every day I could I looked at my calves. I was like, why did you have to break? And yeah, but now that it's off, I feel a lot better because I'm, you know, able to go to the gym. So I think for me professionally and personally, when it comes to self-worth, like it's very much tied into how I feel in my body. And that doesn't mean if I'm skinny or or or large or anything like that, it's just more so if I feel good in my body, if I don't have any aches and pains, if I feel like I can do a handstand or do something wild and not hurt myself, like I feel good and I feel like I'm doing right.

18:09 SPEAKER_01 And I'm like, I'm worthy of being alive if I can feel good in my body like that. I mean, look, you got to stay healthy. Your health is first for sure. I guess for me, see, I go I always say that I'm like this time traveler a little bit because I really have these phases in my life where I'm not quite sure what that worth means to me right then and there, because it's meant something different in each scenario or whether it was professionally or personally. Like, I had to realize that, like, it comes like, like, I remember just OK. So off a professional note, you know, like my my mom didn't go to college. She pushed me to go to college. I graduated college and it was just like, yeah. So I was thinking in my mind at that time, I was like, I'm going to be a professional. I want to be on Wall Street. I want to be in a skyscraper. And then I actually went to work and I was like, boring. This is boring. I was like, I don't want to sit at a desk and no, no. And don't don't get me wrong. Like, I'm here for the professionals. You do what you got to do. Make that bread. We hear what we need. Everybody needs everything. But personally, it was just kind of like I was a person who knew I needed to be able to move at a fast pace and be able to be anywhere I needed to be to get what I need to get done. And that wasn't happening for me. Because you had to find. Right. It wasn't happening for me the way I had envisioned it and how I dream it because I was there. So finding myself was really being honest and saying, hey, you can take this check and that somebody's given to you and be limited to whatever that is. And I'm not saying that a nine to five is limited. People people are more that people are content and are happy with their lives. I'm saying personally, you can be limited and have. Right. I couldn't do the things. You know, I couldn't do that. Or I can say you might struggle, like really struggle, but at least you can move the way you need to move. And yes, it was a struggle. But in in finding that for me, I found a lot of self-worth because I was just kind of like there was just certain things that I was accomplishing that I was just like, I know, like if I was there, I wouldn't have been able to be able to be in China for six months. I wouldn't be able to write up my shows or produce my shows. I wouldn't have I wouldn't have the capacity to do it. So for me, that's where I found myself worth professionally. Now, so how I've achieved my self-worth now is just that, like, if I think about I always have to remind myself and this is something I'm always telling me. It's like, hey, you literally get everything you want. And it is the truth. If I had to look back, anything that I said I wanted or anything that I said I'm going to do, I have done it and excelled at it. And it is like God has provided for me. Like, can we cheers to that? Cheers. Let's say cheers. Cheers to God. I can't reach you. Thanks, Snoop Dogg, for your 19 crimes. Sparkling wine is actually very delicious. You know, Black Owned Company. That's all we drink around here. Yeah. All right. So, you know, I like to play a game on all of my shows. And it's called I choose me, you know, from like star. I bring me work all about. But anyway, I heard that. Yes, ma'am. OK, so if finding is so worth, this is going to be a versus this or that. OK. Talk.

21:15 SPEAKER_03 So in finding your your self worth talking to your parents versus talking to your friends, talking to my parents. It depends on the question. Well, I choose to talk to my parents because sometimes I know my parents.

21:31 SPEAKER_02 They know me longest. Mm hmm. No, my parents going to say something very Jamaican. And so I got to know what situation I'm going to ask that advice for, which I appreciate. I know, say, you know, pop pop pop.

21:44 SPEAKER_01 I either talk to myself or talk to my friends like I was like, I was like, I'm close enough to my parents, but it's also to like, I just have lived a way different life than my parents. So it's kind of like I was like, what do you think? And I'm like, I don't know. But I'm a say both. I don't know. It depends on the situation. OK. Shopping versus a spa day.

22:06 SPEAKER_03 Oh, for self worth. Oh, yeah, you know, I care. I have answered the question. OK, so shopping, shopping. Yeah, I like spa days, but like shopping lasts a little bit longer. Like you can look at it. I'm going with a spa day every day.

22:22 SPEAKER_01 I could shop. I can. Why we can't have both? Because that's not the game. And also, too, I could shop. I said, I don't know. I said, I don't know. But also, too, also, too, I could shop while I'm at the spa. It's called also both. OK, OK, both, both. OK, OK. Staying at a job that you're comfortable at or jumping jobs.

22:40 SPEAKER_02 Oh, I jump jobs like a mofo. And I am a comfortable today. I celebrated nine years at my corporate job today. I like a I like a secure check.

22:51 SPEAKER_01 I have been working for myself, so I don't know that jumping jobs or just not in the workforce in that way. I don't know who knows. But all right. Cool.

23:00 SPEAKER_02 Makeup or no makeup? No makeup. I like a light beat, but I like a light beat. But it's just to give a little to the globe, but I drink water, so I don't need it.

23:09 SPEAKER_01 I don't either. But you know, my favorite girl, you know, you know, my favorite is when I find a good one of a good bronzer.

23:16 SPEAKER_02 That's you. You know what? I've been a girl, a blush. I've been a blush girl.

23:21 SPEAKER_01 See, I can't put reds on my face and I wonder that boy. It was I don't know where I got to get my orange. That's what I guess. That's the one I got. But I literally wore it one day. OK, that's the that's beside the point. We're not going to get off track. OK, going on a date versus standing.

23:35 SPEAKER_03 For self-worth. For self-worth.

23:38 SPEAKER_02 Yeah, I like to stay in.

23:40 SPEAKER_03 I like to stay in because if I'm going on, if I'm planning to go on a date with somebody or staying with them, I think I can get to know them better.

23:47 SPEAKER_01 If I stay in. Oh, this is with somebody. Because you're going on a date. A date. OK. No, the date could be it could be self-date. It could be. Yeah.

23:54 SPEAKER_02 Yeah, I like to stay in by myself. Yeah. If you know, I'm not standing.

23:59 SPEAKER_01 I don't know. I like to treat myself. That's probably why I spend too much. I mean, I like literally I will go out. I'll go to the movies. I will go down, have a dinner, have me a glass of wine, be sitting like they're like, I don't know. Because I mean, I'm in the house. I feel like when I'm in the house, that's I guess it's a comfort zone. I get it either way. But I like to take myself out on dates.

24:16 SPEAKER_03 That's that's cute. By myself is being able to be naked.

24:20 SPEAKER_01 That's a good one. That's a good one. OK. Exercising or eating.

24:25 SPEAKER_02 Exercising. Eating. It's like eating or like both. Oh, no, no, no, no. We're doing we're doing both on that one, too.

24:35 SPEAKER_01 OK. You know, everything comes in balance. Yeah. Heels are sneakers.

24:40 SPEAKER_02 Oh, I'm wearing sneakers right now, but I've been a heels girl.

24:44 SPEAKER_01 I should have put on this list flat. Yeah. But it has to be a cute flat. Because I don't like sneakers like that. They make my feet hot. I don't like nothing that make my feet hot. So I wear a lot of slides. I wear like shoes and sneakers make my feet hot. I can't. That tracks. I don't see you in many sneakers. I don't because I don't really wear sneakers. I wear I have one pair of sneakers. I have two pairs of sneakers and a workout. That's it. Yeah. Um, speaking your mind versus letting things go.

25:11 SPEAKER_03 Both. Both on that situational. If I let everything go, I'm going to be a ticket time bomb.

25:17 SPEAKER_01 Yeah. And the last one, we don't want that. I know you don't want that. And the last one, Big Dick versus Little Dick.

25:24 SPEAKER_02 You know the answer. You know the answer.

25:28 SPEAKER_03 We're all going to say Big Dick.

25:29 SPEAKER_01 So let's go in depth about the dick. Let's not just talk about dick. Girth versus girth. Girth, length, girth. Motion. Motion. Motion. All right. Let's get back in track. So that's the game, guys. If you guys are at home and I would like to hear some of your answers to. All right. Moving right along. How does your self-worth show up in your friendships and your relationships?

25:55 SPEAKER_03 So in my relationships overall, I feel like self-worth shows up as I'm going to show you who I am from day one. Like the things that I say, the jokes that I make, the energy that I bring. That's who I am. Now, am I multifaceted? Do I have, you know, extremes? Yes, as we all do. But that's primarily who I am. That's who you don't get. And like friendships. All my friends is bad. So y'all bad. True. You know, so y'all cute. So we cute. And that boosts. That boosts us up. Bad like B-H-A-D-D-D-D-D-D. Oh, OK. Definitely helps, for sure. Definitely helps. So it helps because when we move in spaces together, like when we went out for Pride, like we didn't pay to get in. We didn't pay to get in. I walked up and I was like, let's get her a drink and let's just keep it moving. I might pay.

26:53 SPEAKER_01 But I mean, I'm not sure I'm my best not to.

26:56 SPEAKER_03 If we weren't who we were, it would be more difficult. That's what I'm saying. And then I think the other aspect to that is when we all come together, like it feels like everybody loves themselves. Like nobody is out here saying, like, woe is me. I'm fat. I'm ugly type energy. Right. It's like if you are chunky, you you you fine. Like you bad. Like you. You know what I'm saying? Go ahead and shake it. You know what I'm saying? Like, let's do that. And, you know, if you skinny and that's that's your vibe, we're going to we're going to roll with it. And that energy helps everybody feel worthy. It helps everybody feel like they are a part of something bigger, but they're still themselves and they're still working in their own.

27:38 SPEAKER_02 Sometimes I actually give people a little bit of time to get to know me. You know, I'm not a very in your face type of girl. I definitely have a. A discernment. Yeah, my wall is up. I'm not going to say that there's different sides to me, but not everybody has complete access to, as they should. You know, all that this is. And I'm just saying, oh, my God, it is. Oh, my God.

28:04 SPEAKER_01 Right. I know, but I'm just saying, like, facts. I feel it. I mean, I guess for me, again, I got to go back. You're welcome. You're welcome. I got to go back. You're welcome. You're welcome. I got to go. Oh, here they go. They flirting on the couch. They flirting on the couch. Anyway, I guess for me, I got to go back to, you know, what we talked about for just staying honest. Like, I feel like even in relationships, like probably the reason why I've been single so long, maybe I'm just too honest. Like, I just don't. I. OK, so. I have had a thing where if things go awry and things bother me, one or two things going to happen, either I'm about to pop off or I'm going to retreat, not retreat from the situation because I don't run from nobody. Just internally, like, I won't be here. You know, my face don't might talk to me. I'm turned this way. Y'all stay over there. You know what I mean? It's one or two things are going to happen. So within me, finding myself worth is if I keep myself honest and the people around me honest and I really say what's on my mind and I try to sugarcoat things like that, I keep that. And also, too, I'm just not afraid to have the hard conversations, which I think actually helps with growing, growing, you know, growing closer. That's right. And then, you know, in my relationships, it's like, I'm just not taking certain shit. Like, I'm just not doing it. Like, I'm a woman that can take care of her own. If you don't like what I just say or I'm feeling it, I'm going to try to compromise. But I'm not about to. I'm not I'm not 20 anymore. I'm not 18 no more.

29:35 SPEAKER_02 You know, I let you take my trash out and wash my car. I'm going to let you take my trash out and wash my car. In the words of Big Lotto, you can hit the road, Jack, if you don't like my attitude.

29:48 SPEAKER_01 Well, thank you for coming. So we're going to wrap this up, guys. I like to leave, you know, I like to leave a message at the end of all these shows. And I just want to, you know, swing it over to you guys. What would you say to your younger selves or the younger women behind you? When achieving their self worth, what advice would you give them?

30:09 SPEAKER_03 So I would say to all the people, regardless of what parts you have, be weird as fuck. I promise you somebody will love you for that. You will find friends that are weird as fuck. Just like you, you will find people who will look at you and smile and quote movies back to you in the accent that you use. Like, just just be weird. And it's OK. Like. Normal is not it doesn't exist. So you're worthy, regardless of how you show up in the world. As long as you're not hurting nobody yourself, you good.

30:41 SPEAKER_02 Yeah, just feeding off like it's really is OK. Like, be on your journey. Just keep going. You know, what I would tell my younger self is it's going to be OK. You know what I mean? So take your time. You know, it doesn't have to be a race. It's a marathon.

31:05 SPEAKER_01 And just try to live each day to the fullest. Do your best. And young Casey, you will be a scholar. You will have a show. You will be good. OK, younger you don't know that stuff. But I know I'm telling younger me. Well, that's it, guys. Thanks so much for watching the show today. I hope you all enjoyed it. And I want to thank the ladies on the couch, Moni. Bye, y'all. And we got Ellen. Bye. And if you out there have related to anything we talked about today, we definitely want to hear your feedback. You know, like, subscribe, share, comment, send us an email. That's it. That's all. All the things. And also just come enjoy the conversation. If you want to just hang out, I want you guys to know that we're always welcome. We're a team as black women. We are a tribe. So what you go through is what we go through. So come on in and that's it. That's all. That's it. That's all is written by me, Casey Carnage, and produced by myself and Rick Barrio-Dill. Executive producer is Duff Ferguson. Our senior producer is Sabrina Seward. Associate producer, Bree Corrie. Audio and video engineering and studio facilities provided by Slap Studios LA with distribution through our collective for social progress and cultural expression, Slap the Network. If you have any ideas for a show you want to hear or see, please email us at info at slapthepower.com. And as always, go to that's it. That's all dot com and sign up there to make sure you will never miss a thing. See you next show.