I Am Who I Am! Period!

What happens when you navigate the world as Black and transgender in America? Imagine this: societal norms, expectations and stereotypes are flipped on their head. Listen as Coco Lanez and Whitney Williams share their poignant stories of self-discovery and their journeys of transitioning. They share raw accounts of societal pressures, personal victories and their individual experiences as Black, trans women navigating the complexities of life.

Host KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage), Coco Lanez (@therealcocolanezofficial) and Whitney Williams @captain_whitney

Transcript

Coco Lanez: 0:00

For me. My family has never been accepting of me being myself unapologetically, Therefore. Hence I have not even been connected with my family in the past year, so I've just really been on this ride alone, solo-dolo. I have people throughout my life that have ridiculed me, have called me all different types of names and everything. I'm literally at the point in my life to where none of it affects me anymore. I'm truly confident in who I am and I'm secure with who I am. I know that when I wake up in the morning, I look myself in the mirror this is me, she is me.

KC Carnage: 1:10

What up, what up, what up. Welcome back. This is that's it, that's All. And I'm KC Carnage. You know, you're home. You know lots of things that we do.

KC Carnage: 1:17

Today we're going to be talking about something that I think the conversation that needs to be had around people just to get some education and be informed about it, being black and being trans here in America and here at that's it, that's All. We represent everybody. We are protectors of everybody, we are lovers of everybody, and we also understand that some people act out of ignorance because they just don't know. Here we're going to have the conversation and I got some beautiful guests here. We got Coco Lanes. Hey, we have Whitney Williams. Don't get confused with Wendy, it's Whitney Williams, what's up, what's up, and we're going to talk about that today. I bought two guests that I felt have two separate views on this topic. One is a trans woman, one is a non-binary. They still have lived their life at some point as a black woman and they're going to talk about their stories, about how their life has been and what you know y'all need to know about them or people like them in general. So let's hop into it. How y'all doing.

Coco Lanez: 2:22

Doing good, iconic.

KC Carnage: 2:24

Let's take a toast, let's do a little quick toast. Black girl magic we always represent. We got the red blend today. I'm trying it for the first time because I'm not really like a red girl. But cheers. Cheers Alright let's jump right into it. First, let's just talk about individually, like about yourselves, your journeys, becoming who you are now, and tell the people your pronouns.

Coco Lanez: 2:48

My name is Coco, Coco Lanes. My pronouns are she, them and they. I started my journey, I want to say, a good two years ago. However, I'm still journeying. I'm still going, you know, through my process of transitioning. I'm still at the beginning stage. Needless to say, I'm a different form of trans. A lot of trans women have already exceeded, you know, going through the hormones and some of the surgeries and stuff like that. Me myself personally, I'm just, you know, I'm going through the beginning process right now, so I'm still having to do all of that eventually, but you know, Okay, okay.

KC Carnage: 3:28

How about you, Whitney?

Whitney Williams: 3:30

So Whitney identifies they, then I'm non-binary, trans masculine, which is a little bit. It's it all falls under a trans umbrella, but yeah. So I started transitioning about three years ago now, got top surgery almost three years ago now. Yeah, it's been. It's been fun. I don't know if the journey is over, I don't know if there's more more like medical transitions to come, but I'm pretty happy right now.

KC Carnage: 3:55

So let me ask you this what is the difference between trans masculine and being a trans man?

Whitney Williams: 4:01

So trans men are further along on the binary scale. So like, say, one end of the binary is like I am a man, whether that's a cis man, a trans man, and then the other end of the spectrum is like I'm a woman, cis or trans, and so trans masculine is just like I'm further towards, like that, that side of the scale, like more towards men, but like I'm I don't feel comfortable being called he, him, like I'm not a man, I think that I'm just, I'm just on a different part of the scale.

KC Carnage: 4:29

So is that why you chose to keep a more, I guess, traditionally feminine name?

Whitney Williams: 4:37

No, I just like my name, I mean Whitney. How about you? Hey, okay period I, w, w and also also I don't even consider it traditionally feminine like when I was going up to my mom had two best friends, both of them were named Whitney, both of them were men, like six foot five. Like I always thought like yeah, my name is Whitney. I always, I always thought it was like more like that. And then like of course there was Whitney Houston, but those are the only three Whitney's I knew.

KC Carnage: 4:58

So, I never even considered it like feminine, until like yeah, well, we were like you know, like people that are not listening or people that are viewing. That's why I put the quote unquote, because, like you know, you have names like Lauren, there's a lot of men's name. Lauren. There's a lot of men named Whitney. There's a lot of men named Stacy. So it's not really necessarily traditional, but when you talk about traditional and I use the quotes it's pretty much what the world view we're talking on a general wordly.

Whitney Williams: 5:19

I think more women have the name Whitney now than they did back then.

Coco Lanez: 5:22

I think Whitney is the win-win Right W W period.

KC Carnage: 5:26

Okay, so you said something about sis, right, and I always wanted to know because, like, we're going to talk about this later, I know that I gave you guys, you know, the questions earlier, but, um, I want to talk about that cis word, right, is that something that you know the LGBT community came up with, or is it something that like it? Actually, because I didn't? I mean, I don't understand it because I just have lived and walked my life as a woman, you know. So I was like I didn't. All this stuff started popping up and I was like I'm a cis, when did I become a cis? I mean, I am a cis, but like who? When did that happen? So, is that like something to identify? Was that like the indicators or the grouping of like? How did that come about?

Coco Lanez: 6:13

Um. Can I use my phone? Yeah, use your phone Because you sent me that question and I wanted to educate myself on it too as well, because, honestly, I didn't know where it initially originally came from, you know. So when I look it up, it says a cis has been traditionally used as a prefix for same-ass, trans-ass, and comes from the Latin meaning of one, the same side-ass, which sits opposite of trans, from the Latin and opposite side-ass. These terms have been used in scientific disciplines for centuries, such as in chemistry, geography and genetics.

KC Carnage: 6:53

Okay, so some scientists was just like you assist women, you assist men. That's what you're trying to tell me.

Coco Lanez: 6:58

Basically separating, like women in a standpoint of being in their own context Okay, okay.

Whitney Williams: 7:07

So it's scientific, like we didn't just come up with this one day, like it was already there.

Coco Lanez: 7:11

Yeah, basically.

KC Carnage: 7:14

Okay, see, I didn't know that and I was glad that you read it because I mean, when I looked it up, I wanted to see, like, if there was a different context for you, but we're all using in the same like definition, context of like it being science being derived from, you know.

Coco Lanez: 7:32

Me myself personally. I heard it. I heard it, excuse me, being said amongst like a lot of my peers, like you know, in the club scene like you know, hey sis, hey sis, like you know, but see, I thought that was S-I-S-S. So this whole time people been calling me C-I-S, c-i-s.

KC Carnage: 7:49

Why didn't you know that I didn't?

Coco Lanez: 7:50

know that.

KC Carnage: 7:51

You learned something new every day whole time. Like it's like, hey, sis. When I came out I was like hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Whole time I feel like people y'all been identifying me the whole time, putting me in the box the whole time. I had no idea. So that's good information, that's the information. So, just so y'all know. When y'all was walking around, everybody was saying sis. They was saying you a sis woman. They wasn't calling you S-I-S. They, you're not their sister. Okay, so it could be taken as both out you know what I'm saying.

KC Carnage: 8:14

I mean I suppose, I suppose, I'm sure this like you see, I was talking about your journeys and I'm sure that, like that, had some highs and had some lows for you, for yourself, your family, your friends how did like? Can you give us an insight about that? Like, how'd your friends take it? How'd your family take it? How you took it?

Whitney Williams: 8:34

I mean for me personally. I think I probably had a bit of an easier ride than others might. Just because I was born and raised in Los Angeles, I will say like I had a lot of really loving, supporting friends, like I came out as gay before I came out as trans, so like I already had like a community.

KC Carnage: 8:48

How old were you? If you're gonna, let me ask you.

Whitney Williams: 8:50

I was, um, wait, when I came out as gay? Or when I came out as gay, oh, I was like 19. I just switched my settings on Tinder and went from there.

KC Carnage: 8:57

Oh, it's just saying swoop.

Whitney Williams: 9:01

Yeah, so, and then I came out as trans when I was 25, and that was like during the pandemic. So my friends were all like, okay, yeah, period, like cool, and my family, they, they actually surprised me. So, like, my grandmother was actually very, very like accepting and she was like you know, whatever you need baby, like I love you, no matter like what, like who and how and whatever. Like my, my, my aunt was like, oh, like, how should I introduce you to my kids, you know, whatever? Um, my uncle was really accepting. It was my mom.

Whitney Williams: 9:30

That shocked me, though, because I thought, out of everyone, my mom would be like confused, but like, okay, you know, like, because I, I grew up with an only, I grew up as an only child with a single mom, so I thought she would just like, I thought she would just like go go with it, but she was like upset. But I think she was more upset about me deciding to like chop off my boobs than she was like me actually being trans, like she was just really, she was confused, she was upset, like. She saw it as like her failure. She was like, well, how did you end up this way? And I was like I'm surprised you didn't see it coming. Honestly, like I've I've been who I've been since I was born, isn't that?

KC Carnage: 10:06

isn't that like a thought, though? Like like our parents and their, their generation, like the stuff that they have to learn so rapidly all of a sudden? And we're living in a world where we are accepting of so many things, we're living in so many things, and we look at our parents and it's like you should love us, but at the same time, there's some grace, you know, with our parents. That has to be, because that's not something they've seen. They really don't know a lot of the times, so it's usually like the more more liberal ones, you know, the ones that are really like okay, I don't understand this, but let me find out, let me do the research, because one thing I do know is that I love my, I love my child. That's the one thing that I do know. So, like, how did your mom come around?

Whitney Williams: 10:43

I think that was her North Star honestly like, well, no matter what, like I love my kid. Even she did say some hurtful things like she, she. I remember the most hurtful thing she said was like, well, if now you identify as a man or a non-binary, like, who's gonna love you if you don't even like men? And I was like, who's gonna love me?

KC Carnage: 11:03

Everyone Do you know how many bitches I'm getting, ma Relax, no, such a jerk Period but you know what I'm saying.

Whitney Williams: 11:09

Period. But nah, she, she did come around to it. I actually I sent her. I sent her a book written by I want to say it was written by a Loc Manon and like she read that and really like kind of resonated with it. It took, it took her a minute to really like sit with it. But just knowing that she loves me, no matter what, was her North Star.

KC Carnage: 11:29

Okay, and how are you in relationship now with her?

Whitney Williams: 11:31

We're good. You know she doesn't fuck up my pronouns that much, so that's cool and she's trying, you know, and she, like she's, she lives in North Hollywood and stuff, so she tries her best to introduce me the way I like to be introduced and it's good. But it's still a little rocky, though, like I still have to correct her a lot and call her out on some stuff.

KC Carnage: 11:52

But yeah, but isn't that funny. What our parents is like, Like is your parents, like you know your mom around like that new school, like that old school, kind of like?

KC Carnage: 12:01

look like you know, look, I said it, leave me alone, but it's like we have to correct you. Like we have to correct you because it's also too fighting for your individuality, it's fighting for your right to be who you want to be, and that includes checking our parents, it includes checking our closest people and includes checking people that may have known you. But something like I remember. I remember I had a friend and we started working together. I think I told you the story before and at our job his name was Ben, right, so, like I'm working with you every day, ben bobo, bobo, hey Ben, what's up, what's up, what's up. And then we ended up at this party and then I saw him again and I was like hey, ben, my name is Sater. I was like, okay, sater, cool, so I was not calling him Sater.

KC Carnage: 12:43

Then, like a couple months passed after that, I was like hey, sater. He was like my name is Maya, okay, maya, like at this point, at this point, I can't keep up. You don't got no more time to tell me who you are, and I'm just going to say I love you. Hey boo, hey love. That's, that's where, that's where. No shade, it caught me lazy if y'all want to. But that's one of the reasons why I literally call everybody boo and love, because I don't want to offend anybody. But I also know how. I know that because I also speak so fast, I'm going to mess up sometimes. I'm human, so I had to keep it safe. Hey boo, hey love, isn't that so sweet.

KC Carnage: 13:20

It is, you know, like it's sweet and it's also still very inclusive, you know. But when I'm introducing you know them, I like to say them this is who they are. You know what I mean. But I think that, again, this whole conversation is about giving yourselves grace, but giving other people grace and also standing on your grounds, you know.

Whitney Williams: 13:38

I think there's a limit to that grace, though. Yeah, like I think, like I've had bosses before I ain't going to name no names where, like they, they prefaced like my employment with them by being like, oh, like, give me six months to get your pronouns Right. I'm like, you got two weeks. I gave you that. You got two weeks and maybe the occasional slip up, but like at a certain point. It's like if you care enough about a person and a care enough about like their feelings, you learn, you figure it out.

KC Carnage: 14:03

Yeah, it's not like late in disregard.

Whitney Williams: 14:05

Yeah, because at a certain point it's just disrespectful Right, it's like you just don't care Exactly.

KC Carnage: 14:10

How about you, coco?

Coco Lanez: 14:12

How did your?

KC Carnage: 14:12

family and friends, you know like. Did you get any push back?

Coco Lanez: 14:16

For me, my family has never been accepting of me being a part of the LGBTQ or of, like you know what I mean Me being myself, unapotagetically, therefore. Hence I have not even been connected with my family in the past year. So I've just really been on this ride alone, solo, dolo, thus far. You know giving myself grace, giving myself that courage and confidence. You know, every day I wake up and I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like you are that girl. I can see you live in my life, like you are that girl, because I know I am that girl.

Coco Lanez: 14:56

You know, I have people throughout my life that, have you know, ridiculed me, have called me all different types of names and everything, but it's literally like water off of a leather jacket. You know, I'm literally at the point in my life to where none of it affects me anymore. I'm truly confident in who I am and I'm secure with who I am. I don't have any need to want to be anybody else. I have no need to try to pretend to be anybody else. I know that when I wake up in the morning, I look myself in the mirror. This is me, she is me.

KC Carnage: 15:34

Okay, she is me. I love that you're in a position where you have stepped into your own and you're pretty much like I don't care, you're going to accept who I am, but like that has to be difficult for you to not be connected to your family, like to not. You know what I mean it didn't happen overnight. It didn't it didn't.

Coco Lanez: 15:51

I started my spiritual journey, so to speak, because you know we're in the times the Aquarius, the year of the awakening. You know, I started my journey last year around this time, the same exact time. I was completely homeless. I had a whole bunch of people around me that didn't have my best interests at heart. I was misguided. I was doing things that I never in a million years thought I would see myself doing, you know, and I separated myself from there. I left Los Angeles, which is where I'm born and raised, and I went to Vegas, in Nevada, and I know you're probably thinking like why would you leave the city of angels to go to Sin City for a spiritual awakening?

KC Carnage: 16:31

Sometimes you need an awakening, sometimes.

Coco Lanez: 16:34

Girl. I was asking myself the same thing. But, to be honest, everything aligned perfectly, god's plan for me. I felt aligned perfectly. You know, I left Los Angeles, I went to Vegas, I found me a nice job. I was working in Caesar's Palace, was working at the Venetian Resorts, I was doing a dang thing. But then I was starting to feel stagnant, like I was feeling back in LA. You know what I'm saying. I didn't have a lot of support because I didn't know a lot of people out there. So I ended up moving back and fast forward to today. Not that I've separated all of those people, even family. I now have a full-fledged nine to five. I have my first apartment that I just moved in to about a month ago, and I'm doing my thing, moving day by day, taking it day by day.

KC Carnage: 17:28

Excuse me, Congratulations, it's okay, congratulations, this is congratulations. I mean, here's the thing about elevating and enlightenment, right, like, even if you're not, you know LGBT community, if you're not trans, even if you want to call yourself cis, there is a time where we're all struggling and it's all about figuring who we are out, regardless of what you identify, as it's really like who you're sitting inside with, who you're waking up with, who you're looking in the mirror at. And it comes that aha moment where you really are like this is who I am, this is what I want to be, this is where I want to go, and that is one of the most powerful feelings and a lot of that time it does come out of some of the darkest places, like we've all hit rock bottom and didn't know what we were going to do, scrambling around with our I mean, I know I have Like we can talk about some stories Like I literally moved here from Los Angeles, not going into the music field, I was just like I just want to move.

KC Carnage: 18:24

I don't like where I'm at here in New Jersey. I graduated, I wasn't using to my degree, like there was a lot of stuff happening and I knew that I had to make a deal. I literally moved to LA with 250 bucks, like in six suitcases, and my journey from then and now has been up and down, has been up and down. But like there was a time in my life was said hey, this is who I am. And that is a powerful feeling because when you have purpose, whether it's whatever it is, whether it's a new job, whether it's somebody you love, when you have some purpose and it clicks off in your head, that force behind it comes right along with it. So like I'm so glad you reached that space and time, because it's hard and sometimes you don't see it when it's dark.

Coco Lanez: 19:09

I had several moments that I had in Vegas to where I booed, cried you know what I'm saying Because I didn't have the support, I didn't have the friends, I didn't have the family that was supporting me like I thought I would. You know what I'm saying. And each day it just helped me build more character, helped me strengthen myself. You know what I'm saying. So now, like I said, it's literally like water off of a leather jacket.

Coco Lanez: 19:36

You know, it's really like that, you know so whenever I, because even now, where I'm working, I have people who, out of ignorance, you know, I want to say it's out of ignorance because when it comes to the pronouns, everybody knows that that's the thing now you know, and if you don't know, once we let you know that it's something, then it's you know. Up to you, respectfully, to Decide, decide for okay. Am I going to present them as this or am I going to ignorantly continue to present them as what I want to present them as?

KC Carnage: 20:08

and I know you guys have gotten it out in the streets.

Coco Lanez: 20:11

I know you guys have had every day, for I know you've had to like Lino, lack of better words, cuz somebody out About what's going on.

KC Carnage: 20:20

Like how is that just walk have been for you guys like how is it, how has it been Walking in that light? For you just good and bad.

Whitney Williams: 20:30

So I gotta say I had my. I've only been out as trans like for about three years now, so I've only had two jobs while being out and it's been really rough like Actually being like, first of all, probably the only black person in whatever office and I don't want to say where I was working out before, but just know it was one of those big ones, streamers. So I was, I was working there and like I was the only black person, it's only trans person and I was one of very few People who might look like a woman, like you know what I'm saying. So I was, I was in that office looking different and being different and like I definitely felt the difference too. So like I would see, like all the other you know pretty little cis girls walking in and like they'd get different treatment. People would talk to them and like I felt like they wanted me there because obviously I was there for because I'm good at what I do.

Whitney Williams: 21:20

But at the same time I felt like there was hesitancy and engaging with me and like I, I could see the difference. So I think that that's kind of also been part of my experience, like at work, and it's it's an odd one, because people don't know what to do with me. Like I very much see myself as like a boy, and then other people might not, so then they're like okay, but we know, we know you're not a woman, but my eyes might be deceiving me, but you also dress different. So it's just, it's tough interacting with people sometimes they don't, they don't really know what to do with me.

KC Carnage: 21:53

Do you ever feel like you have to just like walk into a place to say here's a list, here's a scroll on how to treat me? This is how you talk to me? Honestly?

Whitney Williams: 21:59

yeah, and most of the time I have to. I have to walk into the room, be like I'm Whitney. My pronouns are they them? You only get two fuck ups period period, period.

KC Carnage: 22:09

How about you go?

Coco Lanez: 22:11

Me. It's literally upon like me meeting people thus far. Where I work at I have a lot of people who approach me and they first off. I'm not hard to miss. I'm six foot three Like you know what I'm saying.

Coco Lanez: 22:27

So when I walk into a room, everybody's already all eyes on me. You know what I'm saying and when it comes down to it, I'm always presenting myself as such. Like I have my hair laid, I make sure that my makeup is looking good, you know. So when it comes down to it, and I hear the oh, sir, he, I'm just like you see this wig, you see this mug, like you don't understand my head. But in all actuality, like when it comes down to it, I correct them and I'm like it's ma'am, and you know what I'm saying, and either they'll be for it or they won't, and either way, I just let it go. I live for a good correction.

KC Carnage: 23:02

I live for a good correction because I don't know like I've always been a person who has been very and I think that was a difference between not all I wouldn't say all my family or all my friends, but I grew up kind of conservative in a suburban New Jersey and I always felt like I was out of the box, like just in thinking, just how I did things, like how I moved, as to why I felt like girl, I was way too small for me and I've always been an ally, cause I personally don't care Like. I feel like if everybody minded their business more and did more of what made them happy, people would be happy, like what affects me, as a quote unquote cis woman, if you want to have top surgery or if you want to become the woman that you are, why does that affect me? So I always felt like when people have these conversations about oh, this is you know, like, especially when it comes to the kids, right, I was like oh, you were going to take this cartoon off because it's promoting this. How is it promoting anything? It's giving representation of what's happening in the world. It's giving people and children. Now, I do believe that. Let me go back.

KC Carnage: 24:10

Defar says I do believe there's a certain level of protection you should have over younger children. Whatever that is to you as a parent, that's your decision Because, just in general, kids are very malleable. They're developing their own personalities and stuff like that. So I think there is a barrier of trying to figure out like is this what my kid wants? Is this a phase Because they're seeing it? I do think that's a difficult topic for a parent that's dealing with a child that is trans or is claiming that they are gay. I do understand that tug of war. However, at the end of the day, it's ultimately going to be their decision and I guess, as a parent or as a friend or a family member, it is a treading water. It is a tug of war and I get that aspect too. But I think that at the end of the day, if we all lead with love and try to find some level of understanding on both sides of where everyone is coming from, that person will become where they're going to be regardless.

Whitney Williams: 25:12

But I think there's also with the kids. I think, yes, kids can be impressionable, whatever, but no kid's going to be like, oh, you know what? I see a trans person. I'm trans now. Well, you never know you never know.

KC Carnage: 25:24

I'm not saying that that's what happens, but I do understand the idea of a child being impressionable. I mean, think about it. So I grew up early like nine, so I guess I started going to school like 94 up until high school. I graduated in 2006. I do know that then and now the number of children that came out gay or teenagers that came out gay are way more now. Now I'm not saying that that has anything to do with influence or anything like that. I do think that was different time periods of feeling like they were more sheltered. They're more liberal.

Whitney Williams: 26:04

Well, I think the biggest. I'm sorry not to cut you off. I think the biggest difference is that there's more people out there living their truth now, so more people can see themselves in these other people that are out there living their lives and, like, I think, with kids in particular, the more exposure they have to different things, the more they can find themselves in pieces of whatever, whomever, and I think that they should be allowed to choose what their gender expression is.

KC Carnage: 26:27

Oh, absolutely choose. I'm talking about more. So, like I was reading this article about a parent deciding on whether they wanted to do hormones for their children, I'm talking about more medically. I'm talking about more.

Coco Lanez: 26:42

What age bracket are we speaking on?

KC Carnage: 26:44

They were between seven. I was reading the article it was between seven and 11. It was in that bracket and that was challenging for me. You know what I mean. I can't even lie about that because at the end of the day, like, yes, we wanna support our children, but when I feel like, when it comes to like surgeries or like medical things, I do feel like there needs to be a little bit of time there. There needs to be a little bit only because kids are impressionable.

KC Carnage: 27:08

Like you know what I mean, and that's my only thing. Now. If you wanna walk around and say you a boy and wear a cap, I don't have no problem with that. But when it comes down to saying mommy, I'm a boy or mommy, I'm a girl, I wanna take medicine, I wanna change my body, that needs a little bit more thought, in my opinion.

Coco Lanez: 27:23

Mm-hmm, I feel like it would be a certain age, age range to. I feel like when you're in your teens, it's like mostly the most viable time to you know what I mean be able to decide that I put out there Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union's daughter you know what I'm saying I feel like that was perfectly done, the way that you know what I mean. They were able to transition, the age range and everything like that. I feel like that was suffice.

KC Carnage: 27:51

You know what I'm saying and I also believe that they did a lot of. They talked. There was a lot of dialogue around that, which I think that was very important and I know for Dwayne Wade as a masculine identifying man that was hard for him, but it was a lot of talking and dialogue. You can tell by the grad, the graduation of how that happened. It wasn't like oh, I'm this, whatever, like it gradually happened because they wanted to make sure, and that's what I mean about like like treading lightly with your children. You know what I mean. Don't say no, don't say you can't.

Coco Lanez: 28:21

I feel like what happens is in today's day and age. You know, like I said, it's the year of the awakening. Some people are being triggered you know what I mean off the littlest thing. So when it comes to, it's sad to say, but for the youth, like you know what I mean it's a little bit harder, you know, because a lot of parents are stuck in the past, and a lot of them are.

Coco Lanez: 28:45

some of them well, not a lot of them, but some of them are projecting you know what I'm saying their own insecurities, counseling, counseling and therapy, I think everybody needs everybody, whether you black, white, whatever straight, whatever.

KC Carnage: 28:59

everybody needs because people are walking around with with past notions and different experiences and time gaps and just like you know what I mean, like our parents, their parents didn't see what their parents did, like it's always moving forward because we're pushing up and forward, and sometimes we have to meet halfway.

KC Carnage: 29:16

There's a bridge that has to happen because, also, too, I also don't think it's fair to say what you believe is incorrect as well, like I don't believe that to be true, because, even though I'm fighting to be who I am, I also have to understand. You are who you are because you fought for who you want it to be as well. So there's some type of bridge that needs to be happening, and all you can do is talk about it, communicate, talk about it, try to understand, educate yourself, educate, educate, educate, because I think with more knowledge comes more understanding. Anyway, and even if it's not for you or you don't understand it, do you love this person? Because, at the end of the day, if you love this person, you are going to push past whatever you're feeling about their decisions, as long as they're not harming themselves and harming somebody else. Why do you care? True, I?

Whitney Williams: 30:04

feel like I feel like if I was a parent to a kid, like I would just want to make sure my kid is as informed and educated as possible. Like not saying they have to make any decisions right away or anything, but just in general about the world, like informed about who's out there, like what kind of people are out there, like what kind of people you're going to meet, like just educate them, educate them.

KC Carnage: 30:22

Yeah, educate them, because we know way more than our parents knew. It's not protecting anybody by keeping things away from somebody Educating the kids on everything is only going to help them.

Whitney Williams: 30:33

We have these now like the phone, the tablet, the internet, a lot of the youth, like you know and they see things on social media and stuff like this.

Coco Lanez: 30:45

so they can easily, you know, and it's in the cartoons, like you know, it's in the TV shows nowadays it's in everything as it should. A lot of kids nowadays are a little bit more educated than their parents and I feel like sometimes that can feel insulting sort of the parents, like the parents can feel insulted by that. You know what I'm saying. They feel like, oh, you think you know more than me, like you know what I'm saying, but ultimately speaking, I feel as though it is their decision.

KC Carnage: 31:14

Okay, well, great thoughts on that topic. Let's just jump into a little tea, though you know what I mean. Yes, we're serious, we're spitting out facts, but let's just like. I want to know and we can't brush past the dialogue that's been happening between Jess Alarious and TS Madison about the thoughts of a natural woman and owning periods. What do you think about that? Like, we talked a little bit about the in the car the other day, but I want to hear y'all thoughts about it.

Coco Lanez: 31:43

Well, like I'm sorry.

Whitney Williams: 31:44

No, please, please, you should start Well as we talked about in the car.

Coco Lanez: 31:47

I know for a fact that women are not gatekeeping periods Like you know what I'm saying I know that women suffer a lot more than trans women do, like you know, when it comes down to the works of the body.

Coco Lanez: 32:02

You know what I'm saying. I don't take any of that from a woman. You know what I'm saying. I'm very supportive of women. I see women every day. Sometimes. You know what I'm saying, because I know what it feels like to feel insecure. You know what I'm saying. So I know that for a fact. When I see a woman and I see how she's dressed, if she's given fashion, I'm going to pay her her roses. I'm going to be like Sis, you're giving what you're supposed to be giving. Yes, there we go. Like you know what I'm saying, or like you know what I mean. Ultimately speaking, it's my pleasure to, big up, assist women regular women, like you know what I'm saying and and commend them for you know what I mean their confidence, because I know that women do, like you know what I'm saying Bring a lot to the table. I, for myself, personally, like I don't want a menstrual cycle, you know what I'm saying Take it, take it, take it.

Coco Lanez: 32:50

Take it all I know that it's a burden.

Whitney Williams: 32:55

Well, not a burden, it's a blessing you know what I'm saying For someone to it's a burden.

Coco Lanez: 32:58

That when you're giving birth to a child, I think of that as a blessing. You know what I'm saying.

KC Carnage: 33:02

Definitely a blessing.

Coco Lanez: 33:05

It also depends on what circumstance it is, but ultimately, bringing a new life into the world, I think that that's a blessing.

Whitney Williams: 33:11

I think that's beautiful.

Coco Lanez: 33:12

You know what I'm saying, but I feel as though, with that touching base on that topic, I feel as though the trans woman that you know spoke about what she spoke about wasn't necessarily in the right, you know, and I'm just going to say that right off the bat, because I feel as though her approach towards that was completely foul and it just wasn't, it wasn't needed, it wasn't quarantined, you know, Just hilarious response. I feel as though she was upset, she was angry, you know, and, like we spoke about in the car, I did feel as though, like off the bat, it was a little bit rude the way that she responded. However, I don't take from the passion of you know what I mean where she was coming from as they want.

KC Carnage: 33:56

Right, right, right. So what I would say about it you know, as we were talking about it in the car is that, like I get it, I'm sorry. Like anatomy, we're going to talk about anatomy. We're going to talk about that. Like the idea to be like I can't say I'm a natural woman is crazy to me. Like that, I'm sorry, I'll say it. Like I will say I'm a natural woman. You could say you a natural woman too, but I'm going to let you know you're not about to tell me I can't say I'm a natural woman. You're not about to do that. Like that's just overboard. Because at the end of the day, like I get it, like you know what I mean, you're pushing that envelope forward to say and stand for your right to say I am a woman, I am a woman, but you're not about to tell women that that they're not real women. Like that's the. That's crazy to me, I'm sorry.

KC Carnage: 34:41

Now, as far as Jess's response to it, like I was, I do think it was harsh, but I don't think maybe because it's a East Coast thing, I didn't take it as harsh, I took it as very direct and because she has, she because she has, because she's also a comedian in more of a masculine style of comedy, even though she's a feminine woman. It came out as if if she wasn't a girl and a guy said it that way, it wouldn't have been aggressive, it wouldn't have been deemed rude, it would have been deemed as a response like I'm coming back at you because if I wasn't, because I mean and she's also from the streets of Baltimore if anybody clutch, she clap back On a subject that she can clap back on. So I don't necessarily think it's rude. I think that again, they need to have the conversation.

KC Carnage: 35:24

I do think that she has said some comments that have been very offensive Before. So I think whatever, whatever animosity that was coming from her before comments trickled into this comment. But if we had to talk about just this comment, I think that she responded the way she should have. But I understand why she got a little fire, but because you know that means that makes sense.

Whitney Williams: 35:51

Women fighting about being women is crazy to me. That whole thing was wild just because I feel like it's like you got one woman talking to another woman being like who's more of a woman? Like, first of all, what's what? What is a woman? You know what I'm saying? Like, in my opinion, I don't even, I don't even know what to say about I personally. Gender isn't. Gender is a construct. First of all, I don't think any of it's real. So, like the concept of like two people fighting over who's more of a Woman is is isn't saying I. I think that it was just taking out of context, like you said we're.

Coco Lanez: 36:27

We're basically Right now both sides are fighting with the government Like we need to come together and come by my lord, like you know, like I mean.

KC Carnage: 36:48

Fight for your right. That's what I say. Fight for your right to be whoever you want to be. At the end of the day, I like to be called the woman. I stand by my womanhood. I make babies, I have periods. I stand by. I stand by for those who identify as trans, trans, masculine, a Drag queen, a cis woman. I stand by. Be who you want to be here, like period. That's really what it really boils down to. Before we head out of here, I do want to play a quick game and then we're gonna head out, okay, so I'm gonna read y'all two questions. It's called the game is called roll with it or bounce. Right, I'm gonna be some random questions and you're gonna let me know. If you were rolled with it, meaning it's okay, like I would do it, or you would bounce, okay, and this is typically about your dating. All right, they're the type to go with the flow. Would you roll with it or would you bounce?

KC Carnage: 37:40

Yeah, you got to describe like they go with the flow like they go for the flow, usually like people that go with the flow or more, not a lot. They don't really make plans.

Coco Lanez: 37:53

I'm about to, because you need to know what you want to do.

Whitney Williams: 38:03

Don't be like whatever you want.

Coco Lanez: 38:06

Yeah, what do you? You want to go? Where do you want to go for the date? What do you want to do on the date like that? What? That should be up like up to the guy. I feel like you know what I mean. He should decide, like, where we're going to go, what we're going to do. You know I'm saying. I mean it's All in the field of like being romantic. You know what I'm saying.

Whitney Williams: 38:27

Okay, I would revise that and just be like whoever asked who out on the date should be the one to plan it. Like Very.

Coco Lanez: 38:35

Very much, I'm not paying regardless.

KC Carnage: 38:36

I'll ask you you still playing period?

KC Carnage: 38:38

but that's just me, okay. So I think I would bounce too, because I'm also a type a like. I usually do most of the planning because, like my friends get, I'm mad at me to like would you even like anybody playing anything? I like probably not, but it's nice to be asked, it's nice to have people with a plan, but I also like to be around people that got plans like you know what I mean. Don't invite me to know boo boo Event and you don't know what's going on with this event. Like you already know, I'm gonna show up and walk back out, like you. Like you gotta know you dealing with. So I would bounce, okay. Next question they call you babe, honey, sweetie. Within the first three months of dating, would you roll with it or bounce?

Coco Lanez: 39:14

roll, I roll with it, I have a totally roll with it claim you ain't calling me babe within the first week of us talking.

KC Carnage: 39:21

I'll. I'm doing something wrong, right.

Coco Lanez: 39:24

I think it's everything like you know I'm saying for the other person to feel confident and you know I'm saying claiming you, because that's everything that speaks volumes to. It lets you know where you guys are, where you guys stand, and You're not a limbo like you know it's funny.

KC Carnage: 39:38

I'll tell you a funny story, like when I was high. Like Back I'm with, I'm within the I can even say because I'm about to say something real outlandish I'm all tongue-tied. I am in a current relationship now that I love and we're chilling, but back in the day, when I was out in these streets, I would never like I was. You know people like say my name, I would never say nobody's name, like I was nameless, everybody was nameless, because I didn't want to get caught up. So the whole babe and honey thing that was my my like cover-up, like no shade. It was like hey babe, hey honey, likes I don't call you Kyle or Jerome by accident.

Coco Lanez: 40:14

Oh, my good.

KC Carnage: 40:17

Okay. The last question is they order your food for you at the restaurant. Hello, go live in it bouncing with it.

Whitney Williams: 40:26

Hello, you said bounce, I'm bouncing.

Coco Lanez: 40:30

I mean, if they know what I like like you know what I'm saying. Like if they know what I like like, say is it a time frame? Like.

KC Carnage: 40:39

I still have time. No, I just said they ordered. They just ordered your food at the restaurant.

Coco Lanez: 40:43

OK, if we was like together, like you know what I mean for like, about like what, two months or whatever, and like they know what I like, they know what I usually get at this.

KC Carnage: 40:51

Ok, so I'm a roll witty and I'm going to tell you I'm a roll witty, I'm a princess. I don't want to do nothing. Like if I walk up to this she would like. Like she said, if, like, I drink the same thing, like I don't really drink hard alcohol, I drink the same couple of things, right, and if you are getting to know me and I come to a place and you already got my apparel spritz there, you know the restaurant and you know the best dishes and you order it Because I like to also eat family style, like I'm in your plate, like I think that's different if, like they know you, they know things that you like, Like that's cute.

KC Carnage: 41:24

Yeah, or like just the person that's just ordering for you all the time. She's like nah.

Whitney Williams: 41:28

It was like a first second date and like they're like oh and she had the salad.

Coco Lanez: 41:31

That would kind of be off. Yeah yeah, that would be kind of awkward.

KC Carnage: 41:36

OK, ok. Well, I just want to say thank you all so much, and that was a roll with it or bounce. Thank you all so much for playing with me. I also like to end my shows with toast to ourselves or toast to someone else. What advice would you guys give to somebody who is going through that journey and is searching for themselves and that journey? Or it could be a letter to your younger self. What would you say to your younger self?

Whitney Williams: 42:03

Or, if you want to throw it to somebody else, I think for my younger self I would probably say come out sooner. Like if I would have came out sooner and just like been more of myself, I feel like things would have been a lot different. But I'm also like I just wish I would have found community sooner and I think that would help me.

KC Carnage: 42:25

OK.

Coco Lanez: 42:27

Me, I would tell my younger self and the younger generation up underneath us right now to never give up. Don't give up. If you believe in something, believe in it and don't never let nobody try to play devil's advocate to make you think anything lesser than if that's what you believe. You believe it and take it all the way through, because at the end of the day you are your own worst critic. Then you don't have no time to let anybody come in and dictate your life.

KC Carnage: 42:56

Well, thank you guys. So so much for coming on the show. If any of you guys have resonated with anything we talked about today, if you are looking for help and you are going through your process, you're going through your transition or you're just looking for somebody to talk to because you're not sure of what you want to do, and that's all right as well, because, at the end of the day, that's all we're here in life is to search and find the happiest of happiness that we can actually have for ourselves.

Coco Lanez: 43:25

Patience.

KC Carnage: 43:25

And have patience. You can go check out one of your local support centers, your LGBTQ support centers. Am I saying that right?

Coco Lanez: 43:34

Yes, lgbtq, am I saying that right?

KC Carnage: 43:36

Support centers is one here, locally in LA. If you have any questions for us, for Whitney, for Coco, for myself, please don't hesitate to send us a note, send a comment like, subscribe, hit us up on YouTube. We're on all the streaming platforms. Again, we got Coco Lanes.

Coco Lanez: 43:53

Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it. This was fun. I'm really, really happy to be able to do this, because I feel as though we need more of this. We need more open discussions to where not everybody needs to go head to head, like you know what I'm saying, or like feel like they're talking out each other and not with each other, and I felt as though this right here is a platform for us to talk with each other and really understand.

KC Carnage: 44:19

Absolutely. And then we got Whitney Williams.

Whitney Williams: 44:23

Thank you so much for having me. This was a fun conversation.

KC Carnage: 44:26

Yeah, I love it All right y'all, and y'all know what it is Desi.

Coco Lanez: 44:31

That's all. That's all.

KC Carnage: 44:34

Desi. That's All is written by me, Kasey Carnage, and produced by myself and Rick Barrio-Dill. Associate producer Brie Corrie, assistant producer Larissa Donahoe, Audio and video engineering and studio facilities provided by Slap Studios LA with distribution through our collective for social progress and cultural expression, Slap the Network. If you have any ideas for a show you want to hear or see, please email us at info at slapthepowercom and, as always, go to desertdasallcom and sign up there to make sure you will never miss a thing. See you next show.