Daz It, Daz All
Microaggressions - Unpacking the Sting & Stereotypes Y'all!
Ever felt an insult veiled as a compliment? Then you know the sting of microaggressions. In today's conversation, our guests share their experiences of having to navigate these subtle slights in their professional and personal lives. They talk about comments and behaviors that, while often unintentional, are deeply rooted in stereotypes and racial insensitivity. Listen in as we explore how microaggressions, from being described as 'pretty for a black girl' to dealing with uninvited comments about their 'entertainment value', can be damaging and distressing.
Our discussion doesn't stop there. We're peeling back the layers on the unique complexities that exist in interracial relationships. Our guests candidly share instances where white privilege and a lack of understanding have resulted in discomfort and misunderstanding. The conversation gets real, and, at times, uncomfortable as we delve into the necessity of acknowledging privilege and creating an open dialogue about respecting each other's experiences. Join us as we unpack the realities of microaggressions in interracial relationships and the importance of unlearning ingrained prejudices to foster respect and understanding.
Host KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage), Michelle Brown (@chelle.rene) and Ellen Branch (@simply_ellen_yoga)
Daz It Daz All is written by KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage) and Produced by KC Carnage and Rick Barrio Dill (@rickbarriodill). Associate producer Bri Coorey (@bri_beats), Audio and Video Engineering and Studio facilities provided by S.L.A.P. Studios LA (@SLAPStudiosLA) with distribution through our collective for social progress and cultural expression, SLAP the Network. (@SLAPtheNetwork.com)
If you have any ideas for a show you want to see or hear, email us at info@SLAPtheNetwork.com and as always, you can go to dazitdazall.com and sign up there to make sure you never miss a thing...
See you next show!
Ever felt an insult veiled as a compliment? Then you know the sting of microaggressions. In today's conversation, our guests share their experiences of having to navigate these subtle slights in their professional and personal lives. They talk about comments and behaviors that, while often unintentional, are deeply rooted in stereotypes and racial insensitivity. Listen in as we explore how microaggressions, from being described as 'pretty for a black girl' to dealing with uninvited comments about their 'entertainment value', can be damaging and distressing.
Our discussion doesn't stop there. We're peeling back the layers on the unique complexities that exist in interracial relationships. Our guests candidly share instances where white privilege and a lack of understanding have resulted in discomfort and misunderstanding. The conversation gets real, and, at times, uncomfortable as we delve into the necessity of acknowledging privilege and creating an open dialogue about respecting each other's experiences. Join us as we unpack the realities of microaggressions in interracial relationships and the importance of unlearning ingrained prejudices to foster respect and understanding.
Host KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage), Michelle Brown (@chelle.rene) and Ellen Branch (@simply_ellen_yoga)
Daz It Daz All is written by KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage) and Produced by KC Carnage and Rick Barrio Dill (@rickbarriodill). Associate producer Bri Coorey (@bri_beats), Audio and Video Engineering and Studio facilities provided by S.L.A.P. Studios LA (@SLAPStudiosLA) with distribution through our collective for social progress and cultural expression, SLAP the Network. (@SLAPtheNetwork.com)
If you have any ideas for a show you want to see or hear, email us at info@SLAPtheNetwork.com and as always, you can go to dazitdazall.com and sign up there to make sure you never miss a thing...
See you next show!
Like I had a conversation with a friend of mine who, like I kind of have like felt falling back from the friendship Because it was just a lot of things. She's just a white woman, beautiful spirit, but she's a lot. She's very Ignorant to certain things. She has a company that you know, she hires people or whatever. Mind you, we've been friends for a while.
Speaker 1:I think I did one gig with her and we went on a trip and Some she's, you know, we're drinking, having a good time and then they asked her like well, how does she, how do you know her? Oh, she works for me. And I looked at her. I was like I don't work for you, like why? And in my mind I was just kind of like we have been frost, like one. First of all, the gig that I did for you was to help you out because one of your people felt, you know, like they canceled on you. And two, we had been friends for a whole year before we did work together. And three, that's not even how we met. That's what up, what up, what up. This is, that's it, that's all. And I'm your host, kasey carnage, you already know. And today we got some lovely ladies on the couch Um the girls. Today I'm a show brown. Hello y'all, how y'all feeling.
Speaker 1:And we got ellen branch and today you know, just, uh, you know I had a conversation with one of my other Counter parts and I say others what you mean, you know what I mean by others and it kind of uh, stroke a concept. And you know Something I wanted to talk about. You know we're gonna talk about microaggressions because you know it happens to us all. The time where people do stuff, they say stuff, knowing in the back of their mind is offensive, are they wouldn't do it to someone that looks like them, or say something to someone that looks like them, but they'll do it to us and put a smile on their face and say I'm sorry and it's not okay. So let's educate you for a little bit.
Speaker 1:Um, before I talk about, for those who don't know what microaggressions are or, you know, are ignorant to what they can mean, I'm just going to read you the definition, because that's what we're here for. All right, microaggressions are everyday slights, put downs, invalidations and offensive and offensive behaviors that people experience in daily interactions with Generally well-intentioned individuals who may be unaware that they have engaged in demeaning ways. So let's just drop right into it, okay, um, have you guys, um, experience microaggressions and Tell me about it?
Speaker 2:Oh for sure. Yeah, I think um, the one that immediately came to my mind when you're reading it was you're pretty for a black girl, or you um, you're so articulate, like what, that don't make sense. You speak, you expect me to speak to you, like you are my mother or my family member, and I know you and we're familiar Because I'm college educated but I can get real country real quick. So I think that's the hard part, because there's no um, there's no word for like a white person that's not Educated or not literate or not well-spoken. So I think that to Outwardly say it to someone that's black is kind of like a little jab. I think that's what microaggressions feel like. They're like tiny, little little jab Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 1:What about you, michelle?
Speaker 3:I feel like what comes to my mind. So I'm corporate and so corporate. You know, I'm one of the few black people at my job and you see, it come out like we actually had a whole incident because, um, we had I will say, my company as a whole really does support like diversity so they had, um, a well-known like author, speaker, ceo speak. She was black, african-american, and then the White bosses in the chat like had said something because the speaker she did like to dance or something like that. And then she says something like your, she would be like great Night entertainment or something like that. Just kind of putting it down like all these things that this woman had, all these Accolades, all these accomplishments, and it's like you wouldn't say that about a white woman.
Speaker 3:You just wouldn't you know what I'm saying, and luckily my team has a few other black women as well, so we kind of came together. It was just like that's inappropriate and again, luckily my company Don't play that, so it was handled.
Speaker 1:but it's like you just see, you speak without Thought, right, and I think one of the biggest, I think one of the number one microaggressions and it's going to keep happening, for I don't touch my hair, and I'm gonna tell you why. That's one of the biggest like microaggressions to me is because there's no way you will go and grab another white woman's hair like you're not gonna do it, like regardless, you're just not gonna. But oh, my god, you're not, you're not gonna do it. So like why do you think you should be able to touch and comb through, like stop doing it, especially not asking first. Like it's okay to like you, just maybe you've never seen it, you know, I mean, whatever we're in 2023.
Speaker 1:Maybe you've never seen it and you're curious, but you just go and not only just, just, just my hair, just don't touch me, like in general, don't touch me without asking. And it's the craziest thing because it's always like, well, what's the big deal? What's the big deal? Because you wouldn't do it to somebody that looks like you, and that is the big deal. And I don't understand why that concept has not been. What's the word? I was saying, fully grass.
Speaker 2:Yeah, fully grass, like why didn't?
Speaker 1:you get it Okay. So you talked about in your workplace how have you handled these situations, Like in your workplace I think you already talked about it and also in your personal life.
Speaker 3:I think the main thing is you have to be ready for the conversation. So, like, even when you say you wouldn't say this, maybe someone else lets it go. You know what I mean. So I think you have to be prepared to have the hard conversation and still be respectful but at the same time shut it down. So I think, just bringing it to that person's attention, making it aware that you're not okay with it, Cause I've also been around people where you know something happens to them and they just kind of brush it off cause they'd rather avoid the confrontation or avoid, you know, maybe hurting this person's feelings or whatever the case might be, but you really do have to be prepared to say something.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think from my perspective it's well. I'm lucky enough to not necessarily have to deal with a lot of white people at work, so I work in a predominantly black space and women dominated black space. So we all kind of vibe off of the energy of you're good at what you good at we talk. It's like all the aunties you know and everybody's together.
Speaker 2:But when I did work in a I worked at. I worked at Starbucks for two and a half, almost three years and there were a lot of instances where I had to just not say anything. Right, because I, because the customer okay, they're going to get their coffee, they're going to leave that's what I had to tell myself. And there were moments where I wanted to jump over the counter and be like you don't know who you talking to. Like I've had people call me brownie, like it, just just like it's little things. She's like why, where does that even come from? But like it's supposed to be derogatory and I think when I have the opportunity to speak to someone, it's not really in that, in that avenue. There was really no opportunity to do it. But I think now, if I was working in an environment, I'll be like hey, you know, like you said, have the conversation by. Hey, I don't know where. You think that that's okay.
Speaker 2:I'm in a very polite way, respectfully, you know, like respectfully, like right I put that in all my emails, respectfully because I'm not trying to say nothing rude, but I'm going to make sure that you understand my perspective and then just putting everything in writing, that's the one thing that I always tell people like, don't have a conversation with anybody. I don't care if it's like business related, but that shouldn't writing like text message, you know email, that paper trail, that paper trail is the real, I mean, I guess.
Speaker 1:Okay. So, like I got to say my workspace, before you know, I started working for myself. I worked in a lot of places where I was the only black person and I would be like, okay, I'm looking around and I'm also from the suburbs too, so I'm kind of used to that, until I went to, like my HBCU is when I like got a reality check about what was going on in life. But I guess in my workplace it was always like, oh, you're different, oh, you're different than most like you know, like different than what. And then you like you say like different than what, and they look at you like stunned, like like don't you?
Speaker 2:know, don't you know Black, don't you know.
Speaker 1:I mean, I know I'm black, but like what do you mean? I'm different, you know, and as far as like my personal life, I was like I literally like in the top of the show. I was telling you like I had a conversation with a friend of mine who, like I kind of have like felt falling back from the friendship because it was just a lot of things. She's just a white woman, beautiful spirit, but she's a lot. She's very ignorant to certain things, and I don't use ignorant like she's ignorant, but like ignorant to certain things when it comes to like she's out, You're blissfully ignorant, Probably Like she knows it's there but she doesn't really care.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean she's white, but she's not white American, you know what I mean. So it's like in her realm that's not where she is, but she needs to know where she lives at now. But it was like okay, so she has a company that you know, she hires people or whatever. And I've heard her talk about you know other stuff. Oh, this girl works for the voice, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:Mind you, we've been friends for a while, like, and I think I did one gig with her. She hired me on one gig and we went on a trip and some, you know, we're drinking, having a good time, and one of the guys was like oh, she was like, oh, yeah, this is one of my best friends, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever, whatever, I'm like okay. And then they asked I was like well, how does she, how do you know her? Oh, she works for me. And I looked at her and I was like I don't work for you, like why? And in my mind I was just kind of like we have been friends, like, first of all, the gig that I did for you was to help you out because one of your people felt, you know, like they canceled on you and two we had been friends for a whole year before we did any work together. And three that's not even how we met.
Speaker 2:So for you first so like for me.
Speaker 1:I was just kind of like hmm, why would you say that? And then I brought it up to her recently and she was like oh my God, that's not what I think. Blah, blah, blah. And I just like and my whole thing is it's like, regardless of how drunk you are like Ellen, we've been friends I would never like I don't care if I'm sloshed, that's not if I, this is my friend. That is not a response I would have given to anybody. So that was just very like-.
Speaker 2:We've worked together, or we this is what we we're both in entertainment Like-, but that's not how we met, so I can understand why that would come out.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. So I was just like okay, whatever. But you know, like some of those things happen and you're just kind of like it is a slight, it is a backhanded compliment, because even if I did work for you, that's not how we met, that's not what our friendship has been.
Speaker 3:Nor what I would like to be introduced as Exactly exactly the help.
Speaker 1:That's kind of what I was thinking.
Speaker 2:I was the help.
Speaker 1:I'm like okay. So I have another question have you dated outside your race and have you experienced any of this with them or their family?
Speaker 2:Father, god, yes, yes, yes. All of the above, all of the above. Okay, so I'm making a habit not to know what your questions are, so that it'll be like you know off the cuff type energy. So I read through and I thought about okay, what could I pull out of?
Speaker 1:the hat.
Speaker 2:Yes, I was in a relationship for almost six years with a white person, and during COVID and-.
Speaker 1:I forgot. I was like for real, I forgot Six years, you forgot. No, I forgot, I forgot. I forgot who it was, what did you talk about.
Speaker 2:But, yeah, no, for real. And we were both from the same state and we kind of grew up the same, so we had some similarities. But when it came down to like home life and what her parents were teaching her and what I was learning back at my home, it was just different. And I didn't really notice it until COVID happened and like Trump got elected and like all these things started happening where the voices of her family members were getting a lot louder and more pronounced because they agreed with a lot of the things that they were, you know, preaching and it was hurtful because we stuck in the house together. And now I'm learning that you come from people who think that black people are not, basically are not human like type, energy and or subhuman.
Speaker 3:Did you guys have conversations about it?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. I mean we had arguments about it because I'm like, do you not realize that this shit is racist? Like okay. So one time she was telling me about an instance when she was in middle school, getting ready for high school, and she was really good at softball. So it was like I'm gonna, you know, go to the best school. And the best school was in an area that she didn't live in. The area she lived in was predominantly black people in that area. So already she's addressing the issue of the white school gets more money, the girls do better, they go and be able to do more with their sport.
Speaker 2:And she's like, yes, oh yeah, why would I want to go to the black home school and be a big fish in a little pond when I can actually become like competitive and do something with what I, what the gift I have? And I was like, who told you that? Like where, where did you learn that? You know what I mean. Because this is what we encounter when people think that everybody has the same opportunities in the United States. And it's like, if you are living in that area without them people, that's where you deserve to be. You shouldn't be using somebody else's address to then go to a better school, right? So it's like little things like that that make it really like, okay, there's a flag, but I get what you're saying.
Speaker 1:It's a flag on the play. So my question is not to interrupt you. Do you think it's a flag on the play?
Speaker 2:because she was, because she was white or because I know she knew there would be no competition because it was all black. But here's the thing that was her home school.
Speaker 1:But here's the thing I've had people that were black that did that in my state, like in my state like they are trying to go to different high school different school because they have better opportunities. So I'm asking was it a flag on the play because she was white, or was it a flag on the play because of what?
Speaker 2:It was a flag on the play because of the reason why she chose to do it Because she thought that she was too good to be at that school and actually get looked at and, like, get opportunities because, no one's going to come and see a whole bunch of black girls play softball.
Speaker 2:That's that was the mindset and I was like, okay, and it was just one of them little you know tally marks on my head and then, and I think that that's when I started to sit back and be like okay. So how do you view, you know, relationships? You know we have all these you know ideas of what roles people are supposed to play in relationships and I know that I'm more masculine, but that doesn't mean that I'm not wanting to be able to be taken care of and I think that those little things attached to the race being different, and that's just experiencing life different Like it was, it was a lot to have on top of just normal.
Speaker 3:You know, relationship issues you know like normal, because it's come up a couple of times Like, but just even like you said it like, did she blissfully like not know? Because there's that borderline too, like I've seen a lot of white people where it's like they've grown up only around white people. So, yes, they say really ignorant comments because you've never even like been outside your bubble. You know what I mean. So of course, those oh, your hair looks so like comes out and it's like you should know that's wrong. But it's also like you've been trapped in your own little bubble for so long. So it's like I guess my question to y'all is like how do you handle that borderline?
Speaker 1:Well, for me I just feel like you know, there's a, there's a thing. Sometimes they don't get me wrong, like I'm for all women, but like in that, like I guess in that particular situation, I've always felt she had a thing with me. I always felt we did the same thing. And you know she wouldn't, she wouldn't blatantly say it, but you know to see people like that's what it felt like.
Speaker 1:And anytime I've ever encountered another white woman that wasn't secure in their own and was like, you know, because I have some beautiful, you know, like I have some beautiful white women friends who are strong, they're powerful, they go about their business and no issues with them. And then I have some who I love, but there's always that thing, it's always that oh, or you know you walk into a room and it's like, oh, hey, casey, whatever. And you're like oh, look at me. Look at me, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:It's always that and that is when I find about how do I handle that For me, I pull out the game. I almost I was like, look, I don't got time to fight or argue or try to be anything than what I am, and you got to deal with your own demons. That's how I move. You got to deal with your own demons. But as far as, like, going back to what I was saying, like I also was in an interracial relationship as well and I would say the micro aggressions that came from him was always proving that he only dates black women. So that was kind of strange. It was always like oh yeah, you can take your hair out I've seen it before or, you know, you can wear your bonnet, it was that it was like very much of him making sure and saying little things to know that he's down.
Speaker 1:I'm like I'm with you, like you know what I mean. So, like I mean, like it wasn't necessarily aggressive.
Speaker 3:Right, but when he said those things, how would you then feel?
Speaker 1:It was. It was. It wasn't like a thing that I felt, it was nothing that I felt about it, it was more so. Like you don't got to say that, like you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:I'm already comfortable with you, like I'm already comfortable with you.
Speaker 1:So to me it was like trying too hard, or like it was just more so, like or saying like I'll get going back to the whole thing, like, oh, you're different than everyone else. Like not blatantly say like he's never said that, but his actions said that. Yeah. Yeah, you speak differently or you move differently, you're educated, and it's always like it's always one of those things where you know you got to raise a brow, like to it. So that's kind of have you ever dated outside your race.
Speaker 3:I have dated outside my race and it was similar, like I knew he had dated outside his race before because he actually had a son and his son was mixed. So it was like okay, but it wasn't too many microaggressions, it was just more so like, again, just certain things you wouldn't understand or, honestly, just certain traits I didn't like, because it was like you're just not assertive enough, yeah, and maybe because you don't have to be in the world that you are, but it just it didn't work for me. It was short lived, yeah.
Speaker 1:I can say you know, now that I am dating a black man again, I'm back. I'm back people. It's definitely. I was talking to somebody else. I was talking to one of my friends. I was like it's so refreshing, I'm gonna explain shit.
Speaker 2:I don't got it like you could just be like them people, and then he'd be like yeah, you know like it was always an explanation of like why this happened, or like well, you know and.
Speaker 1:I'm like oh my God, like you know. You explain it because you definitely want you know to teach your partner. We're got, regardless of what race your partner is, but it's so much easier and I love it, I love him and we're good, okay, so why do you think microaggression still happen?
Speaker 3:One of like the biggest words that I've learned is how to have grace and unfortunately, people are just a reflection of whatever they're going through. So it's hard because it's like like when I hear you tell that story about the lady who was, like she worked for me, that sounds like an insecurity that you're dealing with. You know what I'm saying. It made you feel bigger in the moment and you don't know how to communicate that and that's how it came out. You know what I'm saying, so I've just understood that. Unfortunately, you know like I always go by if people lie. You're not lying to me, you're lying to yourself, right? So it's the same to me with microaggressions is you feel some type of way and you don't know how to communicate that. You're going through something in your life and you're going to take it out on me because I'm in front of you. You're such a new person.
Speaker 2:I'm only here like yes, and because I mean like I feel that way, but like there's a threshold, right, and it doesn't make it okay Like I want to clarify it doesn't make it okay.
Speaker 3:I'm just someone like I don't have time for what you're going through to put on myself Like.
Speaker 2:I literally just don't have time for it. I'm just like I'm not going to let it slide, I'm just going to put it on myself. But some people need to ask for it. But that's why I say some people need to be, like you know, told that they were wrong.
Speaker 3:But that's why I say we have to be comfortable to say something and do it in that respectful manner, because I'm not going to let it slide. But I'm also like again, I noticed that, but I don't have time to deal with you so you go handle yourself anyway. Oh, I'm quick to point out some shame That'd be me. I'm like what Don't do that, what you're not going to do, what you're not going to do.
Speaker 2:I'm literally like no, you're not going to do that.
Speaker 1:No, but I understand Like it's like for me I feel like I think that microaggression still happened is because not enough of us are willing to speak up about it and we pass it on.
Speaker 1:Like I was having a conversation literally with my uncle last night about, you know, being he's doing a documentary about his life and his coming into like we grew up in a very suburban area in New Jersey and we have kind of passed as that token black family and we've had to come to realization of like we was kind of living a little foul, you know a little bit. You know what I mean. Like I said, going to HBCU was one of the best things that I've ever done in my life because it really like brought me back down to earth and brought me back to my you know, back to my roots, back to my people and and realizing that at the end of the day, we are all the same and no matter what room I can get in versus what this person can get in, at the end of the day, when something goes down, I'm gonna be. My back is against the wall like everybody else.
Speaker 1:And people are afraid to talk about it because we're used to getting in those rooms. We're used to being accepted. So when you feel like you can get into a NY room, then you don't want to speak up when somebody is going on because it's a fear that you will not. That door will be shut for you.
Speaker 2:Create our own table.
Speaker 1:You know, we create our own table, we can definitely, but you, but I mean, but now we are brave enough to do that. Like a lot of stuff has happened, but before there was a time where we weren't creating our own table. And not only that, we're creating our own tables, we weren't giving us the opportunity.
Speaker 2:It was like that crabs in a barrel mentality for a long time, like let's be real, yeah, let's be real about like the HBCU, because right now what's been happening is there's so many people that want to go to an HBCU but can't afford it, and they are black that can't afford it and now they're accepting white students and non-black students to say that, well, we can't afford to be just the HBCU anymore, like we can't just afford to just bring in young black talent. And that's the hard part, because people need to be donating to these HBCUs so that they can stay black, so that these kids can have scholarships and that they need to, they can lower the prices you know what I mean so that all these things can start to happen, because that's where we continue to have those opportunities for us to feel connected to our culture and to who we are as people.
Speaker 1:But yeah, like I mean totally agree about that, Like as far as like the funding into the HBCUs, but also, too, like it's also having that pre-information about how to get these grants, how to get these scholarships. What you're doing and, honestly, that starts in your high schools, that starts in your homes and I honestly, like I feel like all higher learning is good. Whatever you feel is suited for you is what's suited for you. Everybody goes to different. Like my HBCU at the time. It's expensive now because, like people are funding it now, like when I went to Boots at Boots State University, does not look like anything.
Speaker 3:I was just like y'all came up. Oh, we came up, we came up.
Speaker 1:we got all kind of buildings and stuff now because, like it really goes to show like you have to keep pushing and funneling into these institutions for us to be around people that look like us, to learn from teachers that look like us in a higher learning facility, so that's definitely very, very important.
Speaker 3:And I do just want to say because, back on what you were saying, just as far as, like you know, not being afraid to speak up and knowing that I think we're in a time now where so much is Outputted when it comes to social media and getting like messages like these out, where people are building more of a confidence like that, that we just have to continue to, like I said, have those hard conversations and trust that the right doors will open and close the way they need to. But, like I said, cuz being in corporate now, like you know, we have older black women that work with us and their hope is kind of gone. Like when stuff help, when stuff happens, they're kind of like girl I didn't see this a million times before like they ain't gonna do nothing.
Speaker 3:You know, but At least again, I've only worked one corporate job, but my company. It's like they really are starting a culture where that's not accepted and it's not tolerated. And if you speak, speak up and, like you said, that paper trail and you're coming together and you have people speaking up on issues Like it can't be ignored, do you want to be canceled, do?
Speaker 2:you want this to be posted like.
Speaker 3:We're in an era where that can really be highlighted. So I think it's just again you got to stick to what you feel is right and I think, as long as you're respectful about it, where it's not flipped on you, now you know it's like the issues are being addressed, yeah they have to be, and that's something to consider, because if you pull the right person in and you give them that moment of being like look, we about to have become Jesus moment, I'm gonna tell you what happened.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna tell you how it made me feel. I'm gonna take the implications of it as being a professional. They will be in rooms when you won't be because, for whatever reason, and they can potentially become an ally. Right, so that's where we bridging the gap. Yeah, right, but if those people aren't willing to recognize that they did an impact you know, I'm saying like something that they might not Intended on happening, impacted you in a negative way, then that's where. Where do you go from there?
Speaker 1:and the crazy part about it also, too, is like also speaking up about it, not Giving people an exit, because what'll happen? Same thing, my story. Oh, I'm so sorry that is not one of, but this is what happened. But this is like if I tell you something that offended me and you, so I don't care If you've got on your knees and started crying, praying to Jesus. If you put a butt behind this and then tell me what was Happening to you, to me, you're falling into a victimhood. You're not necessarily listening to what I'm saying, you're not taking ownership of the fact that you offended me, and that is a real micro aggression.
Speaker 1:You cannot, you cannot have somebody of a different, you know background. Creed is telling you and it is. And this could be this. Vice versa, it could be black, white Indians, because I'm like girl.
Speaker 3:Now you're talking about accountability. 99% of people have.
Speaker 2:My crush is within relationships because this doesn't even have to just be, you know, like black versus white. I can say it can be man versus woman.
Speaker 3:It could be woman versus one.
Speaker 1:Well, that was any it don't matter, just two people trying to have a conversation, have a conversation and that's what that's opposed into my next question. Do you think Michael or Gresh has happened within our own people?
Speaker 3:Absolutely, unfortunately, sometimes more so. You know it's just like. Again, it's a reflection of what you're going through and we haven't learned how to open that Conversation, to be receptive, and that it's not like you said, when we hold people accountable, their first action is defense, to run from it, and we haven't been taught how to have accountable conversations. That that's okay. You know that. I mean, we all messed up. We all say things that we probably shouldn't have said, but now we need to fix it. So, again, when you're getting to the issue of actual accountability, people have to be willing to look at themselves and know I messed up. Let me just apologize. Like you said, no, if and but, and I could, oh, shoulda, woulda. This is just.
Speaker 1:And also don't use the opportunity to tell me about your grievances. You could have took it upon yourself to tell me about your grievances. We talked about my grievances right now, period that whole. Well, since you brought it up, no, no, no, call me next Tuesday about your grievances. I don't want to hear about it.
Speaker 1:I need to acknowledge of what I'm saying to you because for me, that's true communication and I do believe that you know I mean like I. You know I had an instance where I had to check myself like I was in. I was in school. One day again I went to school, I was in the suburbs in New Jersey and we had school buses and I'm with the school in Boots State, boots State University and it's in the middle of Baltimore and DC and and I remember sitting in the quad, we're talking and someone stuck and one of the kids was like I don't know how we got in the subject of of how you get to school, and I probably may have told this story before, but I tell this story a lot because it really Made an impact on my life and how I see things in the world.
Speaker 1:They, they were talking about how do we get to school and it's like middle school, grade school, and they were like I was like oh yeah, you know, I take the school bus. My mom walks me to the corner. We got, you know, got a backpack. So they did that bus a gets off the bus, put this on the bus. And it was like oh yeah, we took the metro and I literally went the metro and in that moment I literally, like if there was a little Casey inside of me that screamed at the top of her lungs, was like and I had to realize.
Speaker 1:I had to realize that even though I grew up differently, but literally like and just not to even be ignorant about it, I was like those are two metropolitan, metropolitan cities, like what. I've done the same thing to somebody in New York City no, because I know it's a metropolitan city. They take the bus, they take the trains at a younger age but for whatever reason, the stature that I thought I had coming from, a server versus inner city, it made me have a like a repulsive reaction that was very demeaning and very Judgmental To that and I know that was a jab to them. I mean they didn't really say anything but I can tell on their faces that was like for real, like you know To me. But in turn you know they used to call me a white girl like you know, even though we were all black, yeah.
Speaker 3:So see, and luckily you had this self-awareness to see that for yourself and want to make that difference because they didn't say anything. Right, you know what I'm saying. So I think it ties back into our point. Like we all do it to each other in different forms and fashions, but that takes a high level of self-awareness and want to, you know, connect with people in a Great way, that you even want to see that about yourself. And again, how we got to speak up because they wouldn't have said anything. But inside it's kind of like, okay, right, I know it was a yeah yeah, that would have been like bitch, we're Okay.
Speaker 1:Well, you know I like to, you know, play games. Okay, my show. So we're gonna play a game, roll with it or bounce, and this is just to lighten up the mood. You know, sometimes we be rolling our necks you know we have a lot to say.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna play a little game to just lighten the mood a little bit, and this has to do with your dating life. Okay, so you're gonna either say roll with it or bounce. Okay, they cheat on you, I, by watching TV shows or movies without you. What Like if y'all have a show that y'all been watching together and you not around?
Speaker 2:and they decide to watch it Because. I'm that person. I don't care.
Speaker 3:I'ma say some. But, I'ma still roll with it. No, I'm still gonna say some, because you know you are.
Speaker 1:For that You're wrong, for that I'm a roller because it's like break up with you because you watch the TV show?
Speaker 3:Absolutely not, but you knew, but you know, that's our show, that was ending.
Speaker 1:You got to wait for me to watch it. Are you crazy? Now you know information that I don't. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it. All right, just dislike some of your friends.
Speaker 2:I'ma roll with it.
Speaker 3:I'ma roll with it. There has to be good reason and cause. Right, like I, don't like everyone, you know what I mean. So if that's understandable, now you not acting, cordial or not acting?
Speaker 1:respectful that.
Speaker 3:I'ma bounce, but you not liking them, you don't like everybody. And maybe even voicing it. I'm yeah.
Speaker 1:You don't like everybody, but you got to respect everybody. That's it, that's it.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's it. That's all Period.
Speaker 1:Period Period Period they like the strip club Bounce.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't mind. You don't like the strip club Roll with it, roll with it.
Speaker 1:Boo shit, she can't go to the strip club.
Speaker 2:How boo is an audience.
Speaker 3:Like it you like, the strip club you like. No the question was you like it? You like being in here? This is just what's in here, entertainment.
Speaker 1:Okay, she said she bouncing with it.
Speaker 2:Ellen, I'll roll with it.
Speaker 1:I know I'll be like let's go, she like the strip club, let's go, she's like the strip club.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's go when am I'm gonna be at there?
Speaker 1:to clingy. I'm like what's clingy? Clingy, I'm bouncing, you can't be too clingy. I need you to have friends, family.
Speaker 2:I need you to have hobbies To me clingy means that whenever we're around each other, you need to be on me. That's what clingy means. That doesn't mean that you don't have no friends, no clingy, clingy.
Speaker 1:When y'all out together, y'all supposed to be together. It's about clingy, is like what you doing, like people that don't got.
Speaker 3:No, you're just like up under me. They just all the time. All the time I gotta bounce.
Speaker 2:I gotta bounce on it, you didn't know I gotta bounce, you gotta have some friends. I was like my number one rule you gotta have some purpose, you gotta purpose, you gotta have a hobby. Exactly, you gotta have a hobby, you gotta have a side of the relationship.
Speaker 1:Okay, last question they're the type to wear the pants.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Who's the type? Me the type.
Speaker 1:They're the type to wear the pants.
Speaker 2:They gotta wear the pants, yeah, I mean I got my dress on.
Speaker 3:I wear pants too, I wear pants too.
Speaker 2:I mean, we both can wear pants.
Speaker 1:So you saying both you will roll and bounce.
Speaker 2:No, I wouldn't bounce.
Speaker 1:You will roll with it.
Speaker 2:But yeah, yeah, you will roll with it. I'm gonna roll with it. I need you to wear pants. I need you to wear them. I'm in my soft season.
Speaker 1:I'm not trying to do nothing, well that's the conclusion of a roll with it or bounce, okay. Well, I want to wrap this up. I'd like to leave messages at the end of my shows, because I feel like we all need to shed a little light, shed a little love in the world. What message would you leave to someone who may not know how to identify microaggression or even know how to handle it? Listen to your intuition.
Speaker 3:You took the words out of my mouth. Yeah, sorry, you're on the same page, we are on the same page.
Speaker 1:That's great, that's amazing.
Speaker 2:Your gut is gonna be your best guide in life, so learn to trust it at a very early age.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and just don't be afraid to speak up about it.
Speaker 1:And if your eyebrow rings like this or you go the pop is happening. That's it, so that's how you identify it, how you handle it is definitely like keep your composure and I would leave it. I like to lead in education because some people really just don't know and, like you said, there are some people that like to stay blissfully ignorant and you gotta take that ass out Like, just like, wake up.
Speaker 2:Wake up, snap, snap. It's not okay here. It's not okay and you might. They might not learn to listen and still be able to be your friend, but hopefully the next time they come in contact with another black person they'll understand that that type of dialogue, or whatever they said, should not be used. So, that's what I hope for in those moments. If we don't, we're not talking anymore. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Right, and I would also just leave that message of look for it in yourself too, because you gotta look in the mirror before you look at anybody else.
Speaker 1:So just make sure that you know you're taking into account how you affect other people and if you see somebody eyebrow raised, so Well, I just want to say thank you, ladies, for coming on the show today, and if any of you guys out there have any questions, comments, concerns whatever it is, and you identify with anything that we're talking about today and you want to get a little bit more information, or you just want to join the conversation, please like, subscribe, share. Again. We have Michelle Brown and we have Ellen Branch, and that's it.
Speaker 1:That's all, that's it. That's all is written by me, casey Carnage, and produced by myself and Rick Barrio Dill. Associate Producer Bree Corey. Assistant Producer Larissa Donahoe, audio and video engineering and studio facilities provided by Slap Studios LA, with distribution through our collective for social progress and cultural expression, slap the network. If you have any ideas for a show you want to hear or see, please email us at info at slap the powercom and, as always, go to desertallcom and sign up there to make sure you will never miss a thing. See you next show.