Protecting Your Peace

Can setting boundaries and practicing self-love actually change your life? Join us as we share personal stories and insights with our special guests Breona Dewitt and Ellen Branch. From the wisdom of DMX about recognizing people's true selves to the importance of self-dates and alone time, we uncover how these practices can enhance your mental and spiritual well-being. Ellen and Breona share their go-to self-care routines, including yoga and self-reflection, while we also highlight the critical role of communication in maintaining inner peace.

Host KC Carnage (@iamkccarnage), Breona Dewitt (@denasha.bre) and Ellen Branch (@simply_ellen_holistic)

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:00

baby, you got one time to play with me now, right, and I deserve for you to get it right the first time.

Speaker 1: 0:04

Now, if it's something small, okay, that's different, but like major things. Baby, you only got one time to play in my face, yeah, and recently that happened and like got cut off and he didn't know what to do. He's like damn, you just like, you just threw me away. I'm like it's not that I about you and I didn't like you, it's just you're playing with me.

Speaker 3: 0:22

Yeah, and what's that? It was a DMX quote. He said the first time people tell you who they are believe them Believe, them Believe them, believe them.

Speaker 2: 0:39

That's it, that's all. That's it, that's all. Black excellence at its finest. How that skin glows, she's a true diamond, with the world right out back. She's still smiling. Never let that crown sit. She stay thriving. That's it, that's all. That's it, that's all. Keep it real. That's it. That's all. That's it, that's all. Is that really it, though? And just you know, being able to center yourself, alleviate distractions and just get to a point in your life where you can move in coordinates to what you want in your life, and sometimes blocking out those things that don't serve you, that's a part of protecting your peace. So that's what we're going to talk about, and y'all you know we got our usual suspects on the show today. We got Brianna Dewey Gang gang. We got Ellen Brinch Hi and I show. Today we got Brianna Dewey gang, we got Ellen Brinch, and I just want to jump right into it before, like um, you know, you know the term protecting your peace gets thrown around a lot, so I actually looked it up.

Speaker 2: 1:53

PYP yes, I actually, I actually looked it up, and so when I looked it up, um it, the definition that came um, of protecting your peace is safeguarding your physical, mental and spiritual self in ways that you define it for yourself. So your peace, basically. That's basically saying that your peace is not somebody else's peace. Some people live in chaos, somebody needs to live in isolation, and that is just as important, depending on what you defined it for yourself. So, but the most important thing that I read was that when you spend the time to focus on achieving your peace in your life, you learn to build a more significant relationship with yourself and how you respond to things in life, and that was like that was something that I literally like I was like that makes a lot of sense and I think that comes with a lot of maturity.

Speaker 2: 2:41

And when you learn yourself more and you actually can be alone because some people have a hard time being by themselves you know what I mean. Like actually like cutting out the noise, and it was funny well, not necessarily funny, but it was very interesting that the definition really came about like, when you're protecting your peace, you're really initially getting to know yourself, and that comes with knowing what you want and how to move and how you react to things, because if you don't know what you really want, how can you react in the proper way? So let's just jump right into it. Um, tell me a few things that y'all do to protect y'all peace go ahead.

Speaker 1: 3:17

Okay, for me it's setting very firm and clear boundaries and not wavering on them. Um, I used to be have a bad habit of of setting boundaries and then like, oh, because on them. I used to have a bad habit of setting boundaries and then like, oh, because I like the person that I let stuff slide. I don't do that anymore. Clear boundaries Respect them. If you can't respect them, gotta go, I'm out. Skrrt, skrrt, gotta go, gotta blast.

Speaker 3: 3:46

Where is that from, though, cause my brain was like. I know that.

Speaker 2: 3:51

I know that I gotta fucking go, you can't respect my boundaries, like I gotta go.

Speaker 1: 3:58

That's probably first and foremost and then also like just self love. I take myself on dates. I make sure that I'm in love with me and who I am, because how can you protect something that you don't love and respect?

Speaker 2: 4:11

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, agreed, so Snap, snap, snaps.

Speaker 1: 4:14

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 4:16

So, Ellen, how about you?

Speaker 3: 4:19

Protecting my peace. I like to be alone. I was the only child until I was 11 years old, so my happy place is in my room watching tv with the door closed, because some people got problem with closed doors. No more locked doors. I ain't locking it. I close it though, um. But I think beyond that, it's more so creating relationships with people where they have the opportunity, if I feel comfortable with them seeing me at every facet. So like y'all have seen me good, bad, indifferent, like I don't what y'all hoes, I love y'all but I don't fuck with y'all but that's me trying to like still have a relationship, but protecting the part of me that feels vulnerable or fragile

Speaker 3: 5:01

so I think, um, beyond you know, isolation, because that's what I, that's what I lean into um, yoga is really good for me because I can get in, out of my head and my body and just move and do something that at the end of it I'm sweating and I feel good and endorphins are flowing. So those are the three main things that I try to do to, like, protect my just saying sanity well, that's what's up.

Speaker 2: 5:25

I mean, like I guess, for myself, I am a very blunt person and I feel like when something is bothering me, the only time I can't see clearly is if I'm holding it in, I'm trying to wait to whatever it is. Like I've always been a very good communicator, like y'all know, like y'all gonna know what's on my mind and I'm gonna tell it. I'm gonna say I don't care, and I think that sometimes people take that as like you're being brash or you're being rude. It's really me protecting my peace, like I have to stand firm in what I believe and what I say and what I don't want. And if y'all don't understand me by now and know that it doesn't necessarily come from it comes from love, it always comes from love. But it's also like there's a separation between, you know, wanting to keep everybody happy around you, opposed to putting yourself first. And I think that because I put myself first, a lot people misconstrue that as, oh, she's always on her own accord. I was like no, I put myself first to be the betterment for the rest of y'all, because if I don't put myself first, I can't be the authentic Casey that y'all know, I can't be the good friend that you know that can. That will come to you when you need me to come to you, because I haven't taken that time to say no, I don't want to do this or no, I'm not. You know I don't agree with that, you know. So I guess for me, how I protect my peace is really keeping myself grounded, saying no when I mean no, and not doing yeah like boundaries, and not doing the things that I don't want to do, regardless of what people have to say, because y'all could tell, okay, y'all know I don't care, like I don't care, it's like y'all know I don't care, so it's, but it never. You know, like I always want people to know that it never comes out of like being like. You know, like I feel like I'm better than anything or whatever. It's a fact that, like some people deal with battles that they will never tell. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 7:14

Like we talk about the anxiety thing, some people do things out of anxiety Like I can't be here. Yes, everybody going, yes, cool, yes, I told you I was gonna be there, but I woke up today and body said no, you know what I mean and I think that's a part about, um, you know protecting your peace, being honest with yourself, and, you know, honoring what you're feeling at the time you're feeling it. So that's, I mean, that's what I would ask. So let's um. So my next question would be what um kind of relationship do you have with yourself, good and bad, or good or bad?

Speaker 1: 7:46

I feel like the last. I would say the last three years I've really worked on loving myself and making sure that I'm good and, like Ellen said, I enjoy actually being alone now so that anybody who comes into my space are you adding to my life?

Speaker 1: 8:07

Are you adding to what I already enjoy or are you causing more trouble? Because if you're causing more trouble, you're not gonna be there like you have to now. I'm at a point in my life where, if you're not adding to my space, my, my happiness, my overall being you won't be there and I have no problem cutting you off and don't have to explain myself and people like you just cut me off. I'm like I did, yeah, and you have that right, and I'm like I do have the right.

Speaker 2: 8:22

People are used to like you just cut me off. I'm like I did, yeah, and you have that right, and people forget that too. Like you do have the right, people are used to like to not explain yourself.

Speaker 1: 8:28

Yeah people get. People are so used to having multiple chances to do you wrong and do wrong by you, and I'm like baby.

Speaker 2: 8:35

You got one time to play with me now right and I deserve for you to get it right the first time now, if it's something small, that's different, but like major things.

Speaker 1: 8:41

Baby, you only got one time to play in my face and and recently that happened and like got cut off and he didn't know what to do. He's like damn, you just like, you just threw me away. I'm like it's not that because I don't care about you and I didn't like you, it's just you're playing with me yeah, and what's that?

Speaker 3: 8:59

it was the first time people tell you who they are believe them believe them like it's 100.

Speaker 2: 9:15

True, because, like I guess, like you know the relationship with self and like whether it's good or bad, the thing is like, especially as you get older, there's a lot of things that people look. I guess the point that I'm saying is that OK, so especially this happens when you know people for a long time.

Speaker 2: 9:30

I think this is where the gray area happens, yeah because they known a version of you that they gotten used to. And when you come into your own and you decide to really put yourself first and really go after your goals, you got to understand, like I, that part, Like I was't that person?

Speaker 3: 9:44

Parts of me got to die. She don't live here, no, more.

Speaker 1: 9:45

Yeah, she don't live here, no more, and I'm going to be selfish a little bit more selfish than I used to be and I'm going to put myself first in situations where I normally wouldn't have. And you're going to have to accept that Some people can't handle that, but also that shows a lot about them and and where they are in their life too, because it's two types of people. I don't have to deal with the person that you, if you choose not to grow, you can't come with me then, that's okay, and it's two types of people, and that's okay too.

Speaker 3: 10:13

It's the person that always goes back to who they was in high school and be like oh well, this is how I was in high school, this is the kind of vibe I was in high school, but that was the peak of their experience, right, whereas me and you and I'm sure so many people peaked in high school.

Speaker 1: 10:26

I was a geek in high school.

Speaker 3: 10:28

I was a ugly duckling in high school, so that was not my peak. I was cool, okay, well, y'all was your peak, then whatever, but that was not my peak um. I had friends who were popular. But me, in and of myself, I was not that girl like. I could traverse different friend groups and not feel like I didn't belong, but at the end of the day I didn't have. No, I feel you know, I feel you no, no, but here's the thing.

Speaker 2: 10:49

I feel you in that, because I necessarily didn't think I was the prettiest girl in high school. I just was an athlete and I, you know, like we had good friends. You know I'm a good person, I'm an inviting person. So when I say I was cool, I was joking like I was cool but I didn't feel like I came into my own until I got to college. Yeah, so I feel you on that. Like it was when I got to college and moved out of Jersey and was beating around Maryland and I didn't have my best friends that I've known since forever and I really had to become who I wanted to become in that life. But at the same time, that Casey is still a different version than the Casey you're seeing today. So when people come back at you it's like well, you used to do this. I was like I wish somebody tried to throw something in my face that I did 10 years ago. She don't live here, no more.

Speaker 3: 11:32

And dot dot dot she in rehab, she going, she dead.

Speaker 2: 11:35

RIP. The gravestone is over there. I'll show you to the plot she dead, she's. That's the thing I think people like you know, like going back to you know the topic is that people that haven't reached a certain level of higher thinking or higher learning are actually doing the work. They want to pull you back down.

Speaker 1: 11:53

They want to pull you to a level where they are?

Speaker 2: 11:56

Are they having elevated?

Speaker 3: 11:57

to and baby. You're not going to do that over here, but I think that's the.

Speaker 3: 12:01

That's the part to consider, because the people that try to pull you back down, want you to be in that same thought process so they can do the same things that they did to you before and like for me, I have a lot of friends who I don't even talk to anymore. If they hit me up I'll be like, hey, how are you? But as far as rehashing and reminiscing on stuff that I did in high school college, I'm a different person. I mean, I'm a different person than where I was when you met me two years ago. Yeah, you had hair. You're beautiful. Anyway, kc for all the people out there, who is hating on the short, you know teeny-weeny Afro girl. She's a little Annie now.

Speaker 2: 12:41

I mean, at least I told you to your face, friend.

Speaker 3: 12:44

But she's still beautiful.

Speaker 2: 12:45

She's still beautiful. She's so beautiful and she's one of my best friends and I love her to death.

Speaker 3: 12:48

Is that the first time you cut your hair, though? No, it's not, but yes, she was.

Speaker 2: 12:54

I was bobbing and weaving Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow. That's what she said. It's hard to live for us. Love y'all. Love y'all, cause I was you get kicked, daddy kisses, you get kicked.

Speaker 3: 13:17

Alright, Daddy Warbucks.

Speaker 2: 13:20

Okay, okay, okay. Back to what you said. This is what happens when you try to talk about serious stuff with your actual friends.

Speaker 1: 13:29

You're supposed to be going off.

Speaker 3: 13:30

You're supposed to be but overall, I think that's the part that resonates with me, with what you said, of just being like a different person and allowing yourself to have friends that get to see you in all of your different facets. So I feel like, with you all, y'all have got to see me pretty much through all the phases of who I am as a person, um, that I know of at this point in my life but, um, moving forward, y'all might be my friends and then, when I have kids, I'll be like them kids, because we already talked about it.

Speaker 1: 14:02

You know what I'm saying, but like, and that's okay and that's fair, but we can be well, well well, well, I'm ready to be the rich auntie so I might not be fucking kids all the way, just 50% okay, just don't bring them out.

Speaker 3: 14:16

I'll visit you you don't want me to bring my kids out. I'm just joking. I'm just joking, I actually love kids.

Speaker 2: 14:21

The person that's in it. I actually really like kids, I love kids, I actually really like kids, so definitely have some.

Speaker 1: 14:26

And my brothers, you all watching. Y'all need to hurry to fuck up too Definitely have some.

Speaker 2: 14:29

I mean I'm good with my cat. I'm good with my cat son, but like I do I, to be completely honest so it's a baby versus a kid.

Speaker 1: 14:42

I love a baby, I love a little and I love a toddler. Okay, see, you like toddlers, see, so you got stages.

Speaker 2: 14:48

So we're here, I like talking we're here, we're here but like I feel you on that, so let's move on to the next question. Has somebody rattled your peace?

Speaker 3: 14:56

yes, yes, and when I was not in a place like mentally and emotionally, as far as like therapy, you know stuff like that it had me fucked up, but as a result of the time and effort I put in and that's what I was going to mention. As far as like shadow work, like people aren't ready to do that, even if they don't have education, if they don't even, they just graduated high school and they went and got a vocational job. Majority of people out here in this world just I am the way I am because I am, but they got a vocational job. Majority of people out here in this world just I am the way I am because I am, but they don't do the shadow work to be like well, why am I this way? Why do these things trigger me? Why is this happening to me over and over and over in my life? So I've done that work. So before I did that work, that person would have me out ripping and running.

Speaker 2: 15:37

But let's be real though, like that work doesn't stop, it's a continuous work but being, but being aware, no no, no, no, totally no. I'm just adding on to what you're saying because, like, don't not for one moment think that, like as you're elevating and as you're evolving, that that works out. Oh, I did it. I want to think, no, it is a constant game and a constant learning mechanism, that, because your life changes. I mean, just think about like where you were, even last year yeah, well, I think this time.

Speaker 3: 16:07

So if I think about the situations that I have willingly put myself in in the past year, I think that there have been instances in which, if I had experienced those a year ago, I would not be mentally and emotionally prepared for it. So that's what I meant with the shadow work. I meant with understanding that, like if you don't know, like you said, what you need, how you need to move through life, then when you look at somebody else and they're not treating you the way you want to be treated, you don't really have nobody to blame but yourself girl, don't?

Speaker 2: 16:34

I know it like I'm definitely guilty of it. Like, just like, for a long time. I guess what I can say is that I have been very good at being a chameleon, like I'm smart, I'm an educated woman, I'm articulate, I can move in any crowd I want to move in. As far as internal work, there's been a lot of dark spaces. There's been a lot of times where I've doubted. There's been a lot of times I looked at something like why do I keep hitting this wall? I'm able to take, I've I've always been a person where I've able to take an idea out of my head and execute it, how it's gone, or how far it's gone it.

Speaker 2: 17:14

You know, sometimes it didn't quite work out the way I worked out, like wanted to work, and it caused a lot of self-doubt. You know what I mean. It caused a lot of like why can I? Was like I can get to, I can get to be, I can get to be, but I can't get to that C place, like why? You know what I mean. And it took, you know, it took some time to understand that. Like it's, it's a part of learning a journey, like enjoying the journey, like each time I do something, I've learned something else that has helped me in the next project I've done and I've gotten a little bit further. And because I have those skill sets and most of them, you know, outside of my degree and outside of like whatever, most of that is self-taught and perseverance. And every time I like, I say to myself, like, do I have more? Like, do I, do I even have more to to give or do I have any more? It takes sometimes a long time to like get out of that rut. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 18:07

But there's always a sign Like I literally like, literally, like God talked to me the other day in the shower, like no, like lie, and it's like I've been like I wouldn't say that I'm a religious, but I grew up in a, you know, in a religious home. You know religious home. You know I'm more spiritual mix, like I'm like a hybrid between religion and spiritual, because I still do believe in science stuff, but I do believe that there's a higher power. Um, I was in the shower and you know there's a lot of stuff going on with my family right now and I literally like heard this whisper and was like, and I was feeling like like I wasn't getting invited places like.

Speaker 2: 18:38

I think it was a day where I was like I was asking my friends you know what was going on. I felt like I wasn't getting invited or whatever, or I was being forgot about or something, or I feel very isolated. Lately, you know what I mean and it literally said to me I was like God has put you in isolation because it's time for you to get to work and when you're getting put in these spaces internally because you're used to like, we're going back to like what we're talking about, who we used to be. You know what I mean. Like me, and Brie ran the streets. Brie has known me when I was like Brie, let's go, brie, let's go.

Speaker 3: 19:08

We got this, we got this. No, but I'm saying like, like, for real, like every day.

Speaker 2: 19:17

Brie knew, every day I had an whatever and that has completely halted for me and and that's been hard, like to be honest, like it's been hard, like feeling, like you're very like feeding off of people's energy.

Speaker 2: 19:27

You're very like in that in the mix and it makes you feel a lot and it makes me feel important and that's my ego, like I felt, like my ego wasn't being served, but it literally like god spoke to me. It's like I've put you in isolation because it's time for you to get to work, and once I put that in there, so it was the opposite.

Speaker 1: 19:43

for you, Silence rattled your peace not people.

Speaker 2: 19:47

Silence rattled my peace. Silence rattled my peace and I had to. And I think like when I got that message I was like that makes sense, because I have so many moving pieces going on in my life or what I'm building, and your life went still.

Speaker 2: 20:01

You was like what the fuck Exactly, and it was just like no, I put you in this space because you have way more important things to worry about right now and when you're ready for those calls and stuff to come back, they will. So that was my experience. It was more so like that was my situation as far as rattling my piece, because you know I ain't so silent girl as far as rattling my piece because you know, I ain't so silent girl, yeah, mine mine was I.

Speaker 1: 20:26

Right before I moved out here, I was in a relationship with this guy and I was in a very toxic, abusive, physically, mentally, emotional relationship and, when I tell you, this man gutted me to the core, like I was just a shell of myself. I didn't know who I was, where I was.

Speaker 1: 20:40

The only thing that got me out of that situation was my will to live um was like survival so, literally, survival was like Brianna if you don't leave, you, don't get out this rut that you're in he had. He had me isolated from my family, my friends, my, my, my brothers, everybody, people who I talked to on a daily basis, like every day, and didn't go and then went from going to talk to them every day to not talking to him for a year. I was, oh my God. Literally, my will to live was like Brian if you don't leave him, he's going to kill you. And that's literally how I felt and that was the only thing that got me out of that situation. But even then, once I left, I still felt empty. I felt hollow.

Speaker 3: 21:16

I didn't know who I was Because he had reinforced a lot of things.

Speaker 1: 21:19

that yes he manipulated me, textbook manipulator, textbook, textbook, textbook and um, and I was, I mean, I was, I was younger too and he was an older guy, so like I mean, but I just didn't know who I was and I was just like, so I, just the last five years that I've been in la, I've just been like doing the work that's, taking care of myself and getting back to me and baby, I promise you that if that ever happened again, the response would be a lot.

Speaker 3: 21:42

You ain't even got to worry about that because you share a location. So we're going to pull up.

Speaker 1: 21:47

So let me ask a question about that, Bri I know, going a year, we would talk, not talk, talk, talk. If you're a year, y'all will pull up.

Speaker 2: 21:53

Let me ask you a question on that though, bri, because it's like disregarding the signs, like how did he get you to that place? Like what about? What about this particular person or situation?

Speaker 1: 22:04

I definitely ignored. I definitely ignored hella red flags with him before the the physical abuse even started. Mm-hmm. Um, he was just a person and but he was exciting, it was fun. He was because the guys that I was dating before were just very like vanilla, very regular, very, and I'm like, I'm like 23, 24, so I was he was looking for some excitement.

Speaker 3: 22:25

He was exciting.

Speaker 1: 22:26

Yeah, the guys I was dating before was just very you know, they were very vanilla, they were right, they were very bland, yes, um. So he was exciting and so that was what drew me to him initially. But there was hella signs that I I should have like been like, okay, brownie, you probably shouldn't talk to this man. He's kind of toxic, he's kind of a shitty person. Like leave him alone. But then once I got hooked into him, then once he knew he had me, that's when the abuse and stuff started. It didn't start until like six months in, so I dealt with just a year of abuse, but that was a long year for me it was like forever.

Speaker 3: 22:57

Oh, my God.

Speaker 1: 22:58

And I had put him in jail and everything. It was a lot.

Speaker 2: 23:07

And I was like never again will I let somebody get me that far away from myself. Well, before you go into that because I feel like it's a segue into my next question when you're in these situations and you're in these, you know things how did you have to take your power back and what did you do to take your power back? Because I feel like that's a part of you know protecting your peace too.

Speaker 1: 23:27

I removed myself yeah, I had to. I mean, that was really the only thing. That was the only way that I felt like I could do was to leave, and I just had to just do it. Just do it there, just do it. There was no like oh, what's my exit strategy? I had to just go, like I literally just had to go.

Speaker 3: 23:43

I feel like we was all going through that, like during COVID and then a little bit after, because that's pretty much what happened to me too, like I was in the thick of it.

Speaker 1: 24:00

And I was like I'm gonna make this work.

Speaker 3: 24:00

I'll make this work. I'm gonna try to, I'm gonna try to force, not force it, but like force the puzzle pieces to sink down into each other, right? We already felt like it don't fit like, but they don't fit like a square peg in a round hole just don't work.

Speaker 3: 24:07

So, like, at some point I had to allow life to happen and I had to make a decision based off of that. And I think a lot of times when we're in those situations, we get anxiety out of the fear of oh my gosh, what's going to happen if this happens? What's going to happen if he retaliates against me? What's going to happen if they run up on me and I got to defend myself? What am I going to do? But then let that play out, because, realistically speaking, letting it play out leaves you outside of the decision making process. Right, because now all you have to do is be responsible for yourself. Um, so that's what happened to me, I mean two years ago, see see, I'm kind of the reverse.

Speaker 2: 24:43

I've always been in a place where I felt like I had to be responsible for everybody.

Speaker 2: 24:48

So me taking my power back was me saying, nah, I'm not gonna do this, because even in my relationships, even my friendships, like I take on that role like what needs to be done, like well, like I remember, like me and one of my friends had a conversation where she was like she made a comment about and we, you know she's going to see this episode but she made a comment about well, you keep making this comment about how I don't do anything, and you know that makes me think I was.

Speaker 2: 25:21

I was like, well, if you think about it, is that like I don't feel and that's not anybody's fault but my own. I had to realize that that's not anybody's fault by my own. That's because I take on to this is that I don't have the luxury to just show up and chill. When I show up, I'm gathering plates, moving furniture, cooking, doing this stuff, like I don't have that. So maybe my subconscious, maybe it was a little jab you know what I mean, but that's really not her fault. You know what I mean that you chose to just come, because you know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 25:43

She asked you would you let me do like?

Speaker 2: 25:45

no, probably not, probably not so like. For me it's the reverse. It's like me finding my peace is like I have to realize that sometimes it's okay to just show up. You don't have to feel like you have to hold the charge or also to not giving people the chance to do it. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 26:07

Like it's a lot, like I'm kind of surprised you people, they might surprise me so for me that's what I was, don't though I mean yeah, but true and then also we were saying off word.

Speaker 2: 26:17

I mean, yeah, but true, we're giving people a little bit of an out.

Speaker 1: 26:19

And then also we were saying earlier I was like you know, it's hard to leave sometimes a situation because you're so used to it, but like at the end of the day it's like okay, if I stay, I'm gonna be hurt if I leave, I'm gonna be hurt, but what's gonna make me better at the end of the day? It's usually leaving the situation it's going to hurt.

Speaker 3: 26:34

Yeah, it's going to hurt.

Speaker 1: 26:35

You're going to hurt either way, at least six months from now, I'm going to be much better than I was if I stayed six months in this situation.

Speaker 3: 26:42

Yeah, looking at yourself in the mirror and you see yourself just become, like you said, a shell of yourself. Girl, my eyes are black. Yeah, it's bad, I couldn't see me.

Speaker 1: 26:52

Yeah, I had bags under my eyes. I looked terrible. Where am I when?

Speaker 3: 26:58

am I.

Speaker 2: 26:59

I lost 20 pounds.

Speaker 1: 27:00

I was like girl, get your fucking life together. For me, the red flag that said the red flag that said you need to get out of.

Speaker 3: 27:10

It was when my body started to react to the situation I ended up with a rash on my leg. I ended up developing shingles.

Speaker 1: 27:17

I ended up having all.

Speaker 3: 27:19

I had shingles at the age of 24 as a result of the stress from my relationship.

Speaker 2: 27:22

Yeah, girl, I had a bad ball spot in my head from low. Well see, my thing was when I was dealing with a relationship, I knew I was like. I used to have dreams. No, I really am Like. I don't like I be knowing. Y'all know I be knowing.

Speaker 3: 27:35

I'll call it.

Speaker 2: 27:36

I'll be calling it Breathe.

Speaker 2: 27:39

You know I will call a situation and be looking at y'all like this Bitch, I told you, I told you. But I used to have dreams. I used to have dreams like my last relationship. I literally every dream that he was in it was us fighting and breaking up or him leaving and walking out. It was us fighting and breaking up or him leaving and walking out. Literally there was not one dream of this person that I slept with every night. That had so much fun with that we were happy in these dreams that was positive.

Speaker 3: 28:07

I would literally wake up. That's your mind playing out them potential scenarios, and nothing adds up to being positive.

Speaker 2: 28:13

But I mean but like nothing added up to being positive and those were the signs that I kind of like you know, like I kind of disregarded. I'm like it's just a dream, you know, freddie. Krueger ain't real, but he was.

Speaker 3: 28:23

You know what I'm saying? He coming for you, Shawty. He coming for you.

Speaker 2: 28:29

It was more. It was more of like. You know, taking my power back was really about like I gotta focus on KC because I innately, like I'm a family-oriented person, I'm a friend-oriented person, like if I got something going on, like I'm the first one like y'all wanna go to this, y'all wanna do this. You know what I'm saying. Like I'm the first person to on your own. And once you do that and you blossom, then you can come back.

Speaker 2: 28:59

You know what I'm saying like, because you're always going to have that um, you're always going to have that thing inside of you that's going to want to give back and want to make sure everybody's good for you. But if you are already broken and you've given so much before you even get to the the full goal, you can't, you can't do what you need to do. So that was my thing. For me, yeah, okay. So y'all know I like to play a little game. We're gonna lighten up the mood a little bit, okay, and you know, since we you know we talking about black people and black women, all that good stuff I one of the games that I like I fell in love with is um, black car revoked.

Speaker 3: 29:30

Maybe my car always stays and I'm like 10, but I'm black. Come on, you tan, but you black, and it's to me it's one of the funniest games.

Speaker 2: 29:39

It makes me tickle. It literally tickles me. So, guys, ladies, I have seven questions here and I got all. I have all correct answers. Okay, I have no majority rules.

Speaker 3: 29:50

I have all correct answers damn, can we, can we deliberate amongst each other?

Speaker 2: 29:54

yes, okay, absolutely y Can we deliberate amongst each other? Yes, okay, absolutely. Y'all want to be on a team or y'all want to be against?

Speaker 3: 29:57

each other. Nah, black girls winning, oh black girls winning, here we go All right Black card revoked.

Speaker 1: 30:03

Okay, okay.

Speaker 2: 30:05

According to mama, what does it mean if your hand itches?

Speaker 3: 30:10

Oh you, about to A no, no, no.

Speaker 1: 30:13

We need A you coming into money baby.

Speaker 3: 30:15

But people in the world don't know. Okay, fine.

Speaker 2: 30:17

They might want to play the game too. Okay, fine, All right. A you got a debt to pay. B you about to lose your hand. C you need to wash your hand. D you coming into some money.

Speaker 3: 30:32

Put that shit in your pocket, baby. You coming in some bread, okay.

Speaker 2: 30:37

You coming into some money. Put that shit in your pocket, baby. You coming in some bread, okay, you coming in to some money. Correct, correct, correct, alright. Next question In what year did Cash Money Records take over the?

Speaker 3: 30:47

99 and the 2000s, guys.

Speaker 2: 30:51

Guys hold on hold on A 2001 to 2002. 1999 to 2000. The nine nines in the 2000s C 1997 to 1998. D 2004 to 2005.

Speaker 1: 31:08

2004 to 2005.

Speaker 2: 31:11

The answer is B Alex. The answer is B 1999 to 2000. All right, next question what does the word stop? What does the word thought stand for? A the holes of tomorrow. B temporary hole in time. C that hole over there. D it doesn't. C that hoes over there. D it doesn't stand for nothing. That hoes over there. Ding, ding, ding, ding ding. Another correct answer that hoes of tomorrow.

Speaker 3: 31:45

That's funny, that's funny, that's funny. That should remind me of Tony.

Speaker 2: 31:50

Stark C is the correct answer. That hoes over there.

Speaker 1: 31:53

Don't you be writing the ho, writing no tomorrow? All right, I actually like that better. I actually like that better. I like the way it sounds. That means it's our kids. Right, it's our kids. I'm not saying our kids is hot no I don't know All right.

Speaker 3: 32:05

Cool.

Speaker 2: 32:05

How many? Okay, the next question how many fights did the Fresh Prince get? A, 5. B, 1. C, 2. D, 3.? I got a one little fight and my mom got scared.

Speaker 1: 32:20

It's a.

Speaker 3: 32:20

Jim Movie with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

Speaker 2: 32:22

Hey, okay, cool, that is the right answer. B one fight.

Speaker 3: 32:27

We blackity, black Blackity black.

Speaker 2: 32:29

Well, at least our card isn't getting revoked today. All right. Next question how many movies did the rap kid in play acting together?

Speaker 3: 32:43

A, 5, B, 3, c, 4, d, 6. House Ooh, okay, you said 3, 5. Wait.

Speaker 2: 32:48

I'll say it again Okay, A, 5, B 3, C, 4, D, 6.

Speaker 1: 32:57

I want to say 4, 5.

Speaker 2: 32:59

What is your answer?

Speaker 1: 33:00

I'm going for A. What was A? 5?

Speaker 2: 33:03

Okay, we're good, don't Look team, look team. If you don't agree, I'm going to agree with my partner.

Speaker 1: 33:08

I'm going to move my partner Ding ding, ding ding.

Speaker 2: 33:10

A5 House party 5. House party 5 that's too many. House party 5 I thought that was the one in college and they had the jammy jam girl.

Speaker 1: 33:18

I don't know only one. When it's that many, it get mixed up.

Speaker 2: 33:21

Oh no, I love the house party, alright last question of black heart revoked alright before he was a member of the nation of Islam. What was Malcolm X called A? Young Slim B. Little Red C Brother Harlem D, detroit Red.

Speaker 1: 33:40

Probably Brother Harlem. No, it's one of the reds, one of the reds. Okay, little Red. Then I won't say it's Little Red.

Speaker 2: 33:48

Wrong. Detroit Red is the answer. I know it's one of the reds and that is our round of Black Card Revoked.

Speaker 1: 33:55

Cop it up, cop it up, cop it up. I knew it was one of the reds. And that is our round of Black Card Revoked. Cop it up, cop it up, cop it up. I knew it was one of the reds.

Speaker 2: 33:58

They did really good and if you guys are at home answering the questions, let me know what your answers were to these questions too, so I can, like you know, see if your black card got revoked.

Speaker 2: 34:06

Revoke your black card Boy, they gonna lie. So, guys, you know, I think this episode was great because a lot of us are struggling with figuring out how to protect our peace, and even a little game, sometimes just to lighten up a mood, helps with centering yourself, getting yourself back together, having fun with friends and laughing. That is one of the biggest things for me is to just laugh, have a good time and sometimes, even if that laughter is temporary, it does help and it's also an active and productive and positive way to maybe get over those humps that you're having. Um, before we wrap up the show today, y'all all know I like to leave a message because I do feel like you know, I'm not an expert. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 34:48

I'm not a doctor. All I know is that what we do here is give you guys our opinions and our experiences through the lens of black women, and that does not negate what anybody else is going through. This is just our experiences. So I'd like to also leave a message to you guys out there and I want to pose a question to you, ellen and Bree what would you lead to somebody that may be having trouble protecting their peace or don't know how to protect their peace and looking?

Speaker 3: 35:20

towards protecting it. Listen to your body.

Speaker 2: 35:23

Listen to your body.

Speaker 3: 35:24

Listen to your body. She's going to give you all the cues you need to go.

Speaker 1: 35:29

Know that you are worthy, know that you deserve all the happiness that you are seeking. Love you first, because you can't pour into anyone else if you don't take care of yourself she done this, the second episode she done had to pee like girl. Well, at least she went to the end this time.

Speaker 2: 35:49

Oh my god her little ass bladder. This is like a bit like Ella does not stay for the whole episode, like she would literally be here and I'm literally wrapping up about to say goodbye to everybody, and now she goes to the bathroom. So we're just going to pause on the play for a second. We're going to wait till she gets back. I thought you were finished. I wasn't Okay. Go back, you are worthy.

Speaker 1: 36:12

You deserve all the happiness that you want out of life and do not allow someone to take that from you. If you have to take it, take a step back and be selfish and, to make sure that you're good, do that, because you cannot pour into anyone else If you are empty, if your vessel is empty, if you're, if you're not happy, if you're, if you're not well, take care of you first, always, and do not feel bad about it.

Speaker 2: 36:38

Also, keep yourself honest. Keep yourself honest. The one person you cannot lie to is yourself, no matter how hard you try, no matter what you try to push down, no matter how self-conscious you try to be. Come on in here, girl, I'm coming back, come back. So thanks again for y'all coming on the show and if you guys have any any questions, comments and you feel a part of, like I said, we're no experts. We're just here sharing our honest opinions about what we have gone through, what our experiences have gone through, and but we also want to hear what y'all got to say. Like, be a part of the conversation, join the conversation. If you guys need help with any of this, I'm sure there's local support groups, local centers that you guys can go to to get that extra support if you need it. But at the end of the day, do what's best for you. Again, we have brianna, we have hel and that's it. That's all. That's it.

Speaker 2: 37:40

That's all is written by me, casey Carnage, and produced by myself and Rick Barrio-Dill. Associate producer Brie Corey. Assistant producer Larissa Donahoe. Audio and video engineering and studio facilities provided by Slap Studios LA, with distribution through our collective for social progress and cultural expression, slap the Network. If you have any ideas for a show you want to hear or see, please email us at info at slapphepowercom. And, as always, go to dazitdassallcom and sign up there, to make sure you will never miss a thing. See you next show.