Addiction: The Next Step

Heartbreak and Hope: A Mother's Story of Loss and Advocacy in the Face of Addiction

• NYS OASAS

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Nanette Matthews joins us with a story that breaks hearts but also opens eyes. Imagine losing not just one, but two loved ones to the same relentless foe: addiction. Nanette bravely shares the emotional journey of her son, Antoine Brewster, a talented chef and devoted father, whose life was cut short by an overdose in 2020. She also speaks of Antoine's aunt, who succumbed to similar struggles. Through Nanette’s poignant recounting, listeners gain a vivid picture of Antoine’s life, his aspirations, and the powerful grip of substance use disorder.

This episode not only personalizes the devastating impact of addiction but also underscores the pervasive stigma that often silences those who suffer. Nanette’s story is a call to action, urging us to look beyond statistics and recognize the humanity in these struggles. Her candidness serves as a beacon for empathy and understanding, reinforcing the urgent need for compassion and support in the recovery process. By engaging with these heartfelt narratives, we aim to challenge and change societal perceptions around opioid overdoses, fostering a more open dialogue about addiction and its sweeping effects on families and communities.

Isabel Byon:

The New York State Office of Addiction Services and Supports, or OASAS, provides this podcast as a public service. Thoughts and opinions expressed do not necessarily represent or reflect those of the agency or state. This is Addiction the Next Step.

Jerry Gretzinger:

Hello once again, everybody. This is Jerry Gretzinger, your host for Addiction: he Next Step, brought to you by the New York State Office of Addiction Services and Supports, and today we're going to be doing something that we try to do as often as we can, and we're going to be sharing a personal story of someone who has lived it's a real, lived experience with substance use not just themselves, but family members, and they've seen the impacts of it. And you know, we try to have people share these stories because we know how important it can be for others to hear them and to learn from them, and that is indeed why they share these stories.

Jerry Gretzinger:

The person sharing their story today is Nanette Matthews. She's a mom who lost her son, Antoine Brewster, to an overdose in 2020. And, Nanette, thank you so much for joining us this afternoon.

Nannette Matthews:

Thank you for having me.

Jerry Gretzinger:

So you know, I want to start by saying we applaud you and others like you who come forward and have a story to share and say I want to share this because you know the good that it can do, so let's just get right into it. Talk to me about your son first of all. I know that's the reason that we got together and in 2020, this horrible thing happened. Kind of walk us up to that date. Who was he? What was his situation? How did he get there?

Nannette Matthews:

My son, Antoine Brewster, was 43 years old when he passed. He had struggled with substance. He had struggled with substance abuse for several years and he had been in treatment, I believe, and he had been in and out of jails and institutions and he really struggled. But he wanted to be clean. He had seen me go through similar situations and he knew that, um, recovery was possible and, for whatever reason, he decided to come to New York, to in the middle of covid. Mind you, it was in May, right after the pandemic had been declared in New York and his aunt had passed away.

Jerry Gretzinger:

So he was in New York for her past for a funeral.

Nannette Matthews:

He was in New York for a funeral.

Jerry Gretzinger:

I see.

Nannette Matthews:

He was in New York and he was in New York less than 24 hours before he was dead. Up until that time he had been a chef, he had children, he had been married, he had been separated from his wife and I mean he had a lot of ups and downs but he was a really loving person. I know everybody says that but he was. He didn't have any violent offenses as far as I knew and he really really struggled with this disease. And I know people almost shrug their shoulders when you tell them about somebody dying from an opioid overdose, as if that person either didn't matter or they were somehow bad.

Jerry Gretzinger:

Yeah, nanette. Nanette, it's interesting you mention that, because that's one of the things that we hope to address in sharing these stories. Is that stigma that surrounds it right? We want to try to tackle that as best we can, because it can be so prohibitive to people getting treatment, reaching out for services. I just want to expand a little bit. I know you said he was in town for a funeral. Correct me if I'm wrong. Was this person who passed also the victim of an overdose?

Nannette Matthews:

Yes, it was his father's sister who had also been addicted almost all of her adult life, and she was another I mean, she was my fifth film but she was a beautiful person. She was very, very smart, just loving. She had so many friends. People in the community loved her, could always like count on her for different things, and somehow she got addicted to heroin and the last time I saw her she was very, very.

Nannette Matthews:

Whatever she had in her system was causing her to nod off and I used to go check on her. I had known her since she was a little girl and when it was finally time for us to separate, I dropped her off at her house. She cried, she didn't want me to leave and you know, I didn't ever think that that would be the last time I saw her. But I tried to get her to come live with me. She was living in New York and I was living upstate at the time and she just I could never get her to give up. Whatever it was that she was holding on to that she felt was most important. She just couldn't let go and she passed away in April and my son came down for the funeral, came up for the funeral and he passed away in May.

Jerry Gretzinger:

Wow. So so we use your uh, his father's uh sister that was, you said, his aunt and then then he comes up he has an overdose the next day he passes. You had mentioned that you have a similar history where you had some struggles, but you were able to kind of get you said to recovery that recovery is possible.

Nannette Matthews:

And.

Jerry Gretzinger:

I know you referenced that he recovery, that recovery is possible and I know you referenced that he has. Your son has children, so you have grandchildren and you said from North Carolina. Is that correct?

Nannette Matthews:

Yes.

Jerry Gretzinger:

And I know, sometimes as horrible as it is. There is sort of a you know addiction can be hereditary. Almost People you know are prone to something like that. How are his children doing? And hopefully they've also seen that recovery is possible or that they've learned through others' experiences. How are they?

Nannette Matthews:

She's, I think, 24. She attends UNC, she's in a pre-med program, she's taking her MCATs in January. He has a younger daughter who's been having, whose life hasn't been very stable and she was just developing a relationship with my son where she was beginning to be able to rely on him and she would call him and he would go visit her. And I had her in new york with me for a while but it didn't work out. So she went back to north carolina to live and she's doing okay.

Nannette Matthews:

I haven't spoken to her in a while and and he also has two sons that we just reconnected with. Today my daughter sent me a yeah, a Facebook post showing me that she said he's a, the younger one is a barber, and then he has another one who plays football. So I haven't seen them in years since they were children. So you know, I told them I would love to speak with them and, you know, establish a relationship with them. But you're right, this is almost a family illness and I learned that in treatment. So I've been very adamant about helping the children in my family understand the history of substance abuse in the family, because his father, also brother of the aunt that had just passed also. So, yeah, and, and as the entire community that I grew up in, many, many, many people have died or are addicted to some substance, some sort of substance, whether it it's alcohol, heroin, pills.

Jerry Gretzinger:

So yeah, and so much, so much more dangerous now too, with the presence of fentanyl, and so much that that people don't even know it's there.

Jerry Gretzinger:

I mean, if they, if they have been a recreational substance user, fentanyl could be in it and that could. That could end their life the first time it finds its way into their system. It's a it is such an unsafe place to be because of that reason, could be in it and that could end their life the first time it finds its way into their system. It is such an unsafe place to be because of that reason and for so many other reasons. But, nanette, I just I wanted to get back to you, had said that during the pandemic, when that hit, your son had been trying to turn things around to kind of, you know, come off of using substances and you know, start living a life without it. You know, come off of using substances and you know, start living a life without it. But that, just like for so many others, the pandemic hit and it made it so difficult for them to continue that journey that they want.

Nannette Matthews:

Right. Right, he was in treatment and the protocol had changed. Generally he would go into his probation officer and they would sit and talk and I think he had outpatient treatment. But once the pandemic hit they stopped the treatment and his probation officer would come out to the house to visit and they would see each other and she would say hi from the car and ask him how was he doing? And I guess he would say he was doing okay, but he wasn't working at the time. His job had shut down and all of his contacts that he would visit, like my daughter who has a family who lives a normal life, he couldn't. He couldn't reach out to her because everybody was afraid of this illness, the covid and all of his contacts, his support, everybody just shut down at the same time.

Jerry Gretzinger:

There were so many additional factors that came up that were working against him and against so many others at the time.

Nannette Matthews:

Right,

Jerry Gretzinger:

yeah, you know. So I want to ask you this too. So we hear these stories and we hear about people who have used substances, who make every effort to stop using substances or reduce the amount of the substances they're using and in this case it was the pandemic that became a challenge that turned out to be insurmountable.

Jerry Gretzinger:

But the grip that substances can have on people, it is so significant and I think sometimes people who aren't aware of that, they don't completely understand. So we look at a story like this and I know you talked about, you know, we talked about how families sometimes are prone, you know, heredity, you know they're prone to addiction. And some people say, well, you know, didn't we anticipate this sort of an outcome? Right, how do you explain to people? You know what this is a human being who, despite their struggles and their efforts to overcome, you know, deserved every right to go through treatment and to find recovery. You know, again, I guess I'm asking you to address that stigma that sometimes people have.

Nannette Matthews:

I don't know. It's been really, really, really, really difficult and that's one of the things that I since have joined my community advisory board and I'm always advocating for treatment and for people to kind of open their minds and try to understand that substance abuse disorder is a mental illness, ait' disease, it's an illness. And just like we have empathy or sympathy for people who suffer with suicide ideation, we may not understand it but we are a little more open-minded when it comes to things like suicide and we try to set up protections for them. In many ways substance use disorder because you know most people right now there could be fentanyl in anything and for a person to disregard that and still use, there must be something driving that person to use the substance, despite all of those health outcomes that anything could happen.

Nannette Matthews:

So I think it's really trying to put yourself in that person's shoes and try to understand that it's an illness. It's a mental illness and somehow we can try to be a little more understanding and open-minded and try to help and be supportive, to try to understand what this illness is about and try to do a little more.

Jerry Gretzinger:

You're absolutely right.

Nannette Matthews:

Because many people are closed-minded.

Jerry Gretzinger:

And it is, it is, it is a literal disease. Addiction is a disease and there are treatments and recovery is indeed possible. As you said, you're living proof of that, and congratulations, by the way, you're living proof of that. And and congratulations, by the way, on living that, that recovery journey. And I will say to people too you know, behind all these stories there are families, there's a mom like yourself, who, who has worked and tried to support the loved ones and unfortunately, sometimes this is, this is the result.

Jerry Gretzinger:

But again, we applaud you for going out there and sharing the story so the others hear it to break down that stigma and I'll say this too you mentioned his daughter, who's in a pre-med program at Chapel Hill, and you continue to put the good out there, trying to steer in the right direction, and hopefully she'll continue on that journey. And we talked about that cycle, sometimes that heredity of addiction, and, you know, perhaps that's the generation that breaks the cycle too.

Nannette Matthews:

Right, absolutely.

Jerry Gretzinger:

Nanette, I want to thank you and I want to thank others who are out there sharing their stories. We're always looking for people to share their personal stories here, because I think sometimes that's what it takes you want to touch people, to let them know these aren't just numbers, these aren't just stories, these are real people, real lives, and hopefully it will all come together and make a difference.

Nannette Matthews:

Thank you.

Nannette Matthews:

Thank you so much Thank you for having me

Jerry Gretzinger:

Of course, thank you for joining us. I'm Jerry Gretzinger, your host of Addiction: The Next Step and we'll look forward to talking to you again next time.

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