Restorative Justice and Community Healing

Restorative Justice and Community Healing
Soft Spaces for Hard Conversations

Hosted by Tanya Yamanaka, Ola Ka Moku is a podcast for and about the people and places of Hawaii Island.  Today, guests Tim Hansen, Jo Anne Balberde-Kamalii and Eric Paul talk about restorative justice in our community. Peace is the word. 

Mahalo for listening to Ola Ka Moku. For more information about the restorative justice program or other mediation services available at West Hawaii Mediation Center, visit whmediation.org or call 808-885-5525. West Hawaii Mediation Center is a 501(c)3 nonprofit agency and your gifts are tax deductible. Theyʻre working with our friends, neighbors and fellow islanders to restore peace in our community. Thank you for supporting their work. 

https://whmediation.org/

Pau Hana fundraiser on May 19, 2023 https://whmediation.org/pauhana2023/

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This program has been sponsored by E.F. Cash-Dudley, Waimeaʻs estate planning attorney. When do you need a lawyer? In crisis or change. Visit https://efcashdudleylaw.com/

Transcript

This community podcast has been brought to you by EF Cash Dudley Law. Waimeaʻs family law attorney. Eddy Cash-Dudley has been practicing law since 1982 and has been licensed in Hawaii since 2008. Her current law practice of estate planning includes transfer upon death deeds, advance healthcare directives, wills and trusts. When do you need a lawyer in crisis or change? For more information, visit EFCashDudleylaw.com or call 808-854-5912.

Okay, here we go. Aloha, and welcome to Ola Ka Moku, our island life. Hawaii Islandʻs Community Podcast. I'm your host, Tanya Yamanaka. Today we're going to be talking about restorative justice and how this type of mediation minimizes the workload of the criminal legal system, and more importantly, helps victims and perpetrators of crime find resolution and even healing so they're able to move on with their lives.

 Transformative conversations necessarily move to the edge and edges are dangerous. You know, we always tell our kids, “Hey, kids don't go near the edge” the edges are dangerous, but edges are where complexity and conflict lie. But also where the greatest possibilities, and unknown outcomes lie. Today's guests spend time there, on the edge.

 But before I introduce them, I wanna set the space, listeners. I want you to imagine for a moment that one night while you're asleep, nuzzled comfortably in your bed, you're awakened by intruders. They trample in and before you know it, they've stolen your computer and TVs and vandalized their way through your home.

 How would you feel about speaking to the perpetrators who violated your sacred space and home? Or, looking at it from a different perspective, maybe your son or grandson steals a car and maybe he and his friends break into a store then or their school and steal or destroy equipment and vandalize the building.

How would you want your family member to be treated so that the system can help reconnect him to his humanness and create the space necessary for healing rather than shuffle him through to a predicted outcome? Rather than provide for the possibility of a transformative experience for everyone involved? 

 One of my favorite quotes is by author and civil rights activist, Coretta Scott King, “The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate action of its members.” Listeners, it's my hope today that you're going to feel the greatness of our community after meeting my guests, who most certainly are spending time on the edge. And who are creating the sacred space for community healing, right here on our moku. Eric Paul, executive director of West Hawaii Mediation Center. Tim Hansen, former restorative justice program manager for the Hawaii County Prosecutor's Office. And Jo Anne Balberde-Kamalii, a former conflict resolution practitioner with East Hawaii Mediation. She's also one of the original conflict resolution practitioners with East Hawaii Mediation and is now with Liliʻuokalani Trust. Welcome to Ola Ka moku. Tim, I'll start with you, but you guys might wanna just say hello. 

 Hello everyone. 

Tanya: Thank you guys for being here and having this important conversation. Um, I'll just set up a couple of, uh, statistics here. You know, we live in the aloha state, paradise, if you will. And yet we have one of the highest incarceration rates, uh, at about 439 people per 100,000 according to Prison Policy Initiative. Hawaii more than triples the rate of the UK and all other founding NATO countries, and Hawaii is not alone. Uh, in fact, each of the united states appear extreme in incarceration rates compared to most of the rest of the world. The land of the free. Seems to rely more on prisons and jails as our primary response to crime and yet recidivism, the rate at which people return to prison, is sadly more than 60%. And I believe I read online it's more around 67%, uh, in Hawaii. So Tim, is there anything you want to add to this picture we're painting for our listeners? 

 Tim: Well, that's some, um, sad statistics. It's a sad painting. But it, it, but it is also reality. The US incarcerates more people than any other, uh, country on this planet. And if incarceration meant that we were a safer society, then we should be one of the safest places to to be. And um, of course that isn't true. And so a lot of our responses to harm and wrongdoing, unfortunately, have been in a very punitive sort of, um, sense. And, it's built on the false belief that punishing someone will change their behavior. And that might be true for a small percentage of people, but the potential and possibility for healing in growth is much stronger in a restorative mindset, in a restorative response. And, most importantly, is that victims, those that have been harmed, are better served, by a restorative response as opposed to just sentencing someone to go away to prison and then come back and cause more harm and end up right back in there again.

 And then sadly also, you know, in this state is the rate of incarceration for Native Hawaiians and other Pacific Islanders and that percentage is, is way higher than in our community. And so we need to be smarter and better in regards to how we're responding in criminal situations with, with all populations of people, but especially looking at, um, how we respond in diverse communities.

 Tanya: So then, Tim, just walk us back a second and explain for our listeners what is restorative justice and maybe, dispel any myths that, you know, regular people like me might have about the process of restorative justice and what it is and does. 

 Tim: So unfortunately a lot of people think that restorative justice is all about the offender.

It's about keeping people out of prisons and that it's kumbaya and we want to just open all the prison doors and let everybody, you know, run free. And, again, I think it's important to be grounded that the work of restorative justice is about. Being mindful and keeping those that have been harmed with the victim, centered to the process and meeting their needs. It's equally, concerned about people that have done the harm. Because these labels of victim and offender aren't even, you know, very appropriate in, in many situations. So we wanna be concerned about the victim, we wanna be concerned about the person who did the harm, the offender. And we also wanna recognize that crime doesn't happen in a vacuum.

 It happens in the midst of our community. So all of us bear some level of responsibility for the harm that happens and for the healing. That that can happen. The other thing that I really, think is important to add is that although the term restorative justice in that work sort of came about in the Western world, in the seventies, it's been around forever. It is the wisdom that we can bring forward from all of our ancestors since the beginning of time. It's how indigenous communities all across this planet have found ways, positive ways, to heal and reconnect people and to make community stronger in the aftermath of crime as opposed to weaker. And so, all cultures have tried to figure out ways to do that. And certainly here in these amazing islands, the work of Hoʻoponopono, for one. And just the overarching value and worldview of aloha and caring for one another speaks volumes to the promise of restorative justice, of creating spaces in ways for people to be able to come together, have difficult conversations, but in the end to have learned and have gotten stronger in the aftermath of crime as opposed to weaker.

 Tanya: Well, and that's really great that you explain how it is a community issue. You know, this isn't about just the perpetrators and their families, or, you know, it's same as health. I look at it as it's a, it's all an aspect of health. Someone else's health status in my community is a reflection of us all, how we're taking care of each other. Right. So, um, exactly. It is a community issue. So thank you for pointing that out. So how ,Tim, did this restorative justice program with the Hawaii prosecuting attorney's office, begin? How did it get here? How did it get to Hawaii County? 

 Tim: So, I was a restorative justice planner for the state of Minnesota, um, for several years before moving here to Hawaii in 2008. And I was a passionate restorative justice practitioner coming to these islands. I felt that the spirit of aloha, that, that the ground was so fertile to introduce the formal concepts of restorative justice to our criminal justice system because you have to find a way to kind of translate the work, uh, to a criminal justice system that maybe isn't as open to the idea of people coming together and talking openly and honestly. So I began to kind of search for ways to begin to build that. And it, I worked in other positions for about four years, and then when Mitch Roth, was elected as the prosecutor for Hawaii County, I had reached out to Mitch and he was very responsive to the ideas of restorative justice, was familiar with it, as were other people here in, in the islands. And so slowly starting in 2015, we began to build the restorative justice program in the victim assistance office at the prosecutor's office, with some grant money. And, eventually, over the next five, six years, we were able to build that program. It included three staff. It took a lot, a lot of work to translate these methods and models to the attorneys and to help the courts to understand, but eventually we processed over 200 cases, keeping those out of the court system and encouraging and inviting people and helping people to help resolve the conflict themselves. We reached out to the community to be trained as facilitators, which is where I had the amazing opportunity to meet JoB and also Eric.

 And so the West Hawaii Mediation Center, along with Kuikahi Mediation Center allowed us to have communication with some of their mediators to be trained in this other process, victim/ offender conferencing, to be trained as facilitators. And Eric and West Hawaii Mediation Center has continued to, to carry that forward, which is really exciting. So that's kind of the history of sort of where we began. Little Steps and then we were able to really build it out. And at this point, the program's in a little bit of a transition since I've moved over to the mayor's office as an executive assistant. And so the program is kind of regrouping and continuing to move forward.

 Tanya: So maybe Eric, that's a good segue. Like how is the program continuing now? From your aspect from West Hawaii Mediation Center. 

 Eric: So Westway Mediation Center has a really simple mission, though it takes a lot of different forms. We help people resolve conflict. And so we, we create intentional spaces that are designed to transform relationships. And each of our services, whether that's community mediation or peer mediation work in local schools or victim offender conferencing, is designed to build a soft space for hard conversations. And each of them creates kind of a unique space to aid participants to move forward in a good way and a healthy way to, to really start to build a culture of peace. So we've partnered with the Office of the Prosecuting Attorney in order to receive referrals to build kind of a, a, a pool of volunteers to do victim offender conferencing. And kind of build the capacity, to do this work in Hawaii County. 

Tanya: Wow, that's really great. So, you know, Tim mentioned that more than 200 cases have been mediated, I guess using restorative justice processes. And I don't know how much that costs. I'm assuming that's considerably less than moving people through the prison system. I don't know if you have any data on that, but I'm sure you're saving. Hawaii County and possibly the state. I mean, I know we're sending people off island to prison too sometimes, and maybe they're not forced, offenses that get, you know, this kind of, um, uh, victim offender conferencing. But maybe tell, tell us about the kind of cases that are able to be you know restorative, healed in a restorative way. 

Tim: You know, the, the cost of, of doing a victim offender conference is, certainly we've helped the county to save, I would say tens of thousands of dollars, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars in regards to state time and the court system as well. You know, the reality is, it costs about $200,000 a year to incarcerate a juvenile at our juvenile detention center on Oahu, which is an incredible amount of money. I don't know what the current rate to incarcerate an adult is, but um, again, these processes help to, relieve the court system, and also kind of create that space. And so especially by using community volunteers, which is such an important part because again, it's all based in community. The cases we began with were juvenile cases. Which is often how programs begin. And by the end, about 50, it was about 50/50. About half of the cases were with adults and about half cases were with juveniles. And, both Eric and JoB have, have facilitated a number of cases, both with, with adults and, and with juveniles. 

 Tanya: So what's the typical kind of like crime that is, you know committed that people are willing to go through this process, especially on the per, on the victim side, you know, not everyone would be open to this type of, you know, it, it's not a confrontation, I guess. I, I, I don't know what the correct word is. I guess it's more of a conference. 

 Tim: Mm-hmm. 

 Tanya: But a victim might consider it kind of confrontational. 

 Tim: Yeah, it does, uh, take, uh, a meaningful conversation with the participants to get them ready to, to consider. Um, I would say that many times people are more open to meeting with juveniles because they feel like it might be more hopeful in regards to what their future might look like. The other reality is, you know, we're a small island community and often these people know each other. And/or maybe family members. And so we're kind of creating that space for be, for people to be able to do that work sometimes within their ohana. A lot of it is the, you know, lower level property crimes.  Sometimes the minor assaults things that we call mutual affray, where it was really both parties and the court has to pick someone to be labeled. The victim has to pick someone to be labeled the offender, but who hit who first and what were the circumstances. So all of that can come out in the midst of a conference, certainly theft. And, the conferencing program has also worked with, with assault and higher level cases. And then maybe it's a whole nother conversation sometime, but we have victim offender dialogues in crimes of severe violence. So that's where actually victims and surviving family members of murder cases, rape, more severe cases, can engage in a similar process with, with, more highly trained people. But I'm just gonna toss it over to, to Eric and JoB to maybe think about and talk about, uh, the types of cases that they've worked on. 

 Tanya: And maybe also elaborate on how do you create that sacred space for this to actually happen? JoB, let's kick the ball to you. 

 Tim: All right.

 JoB: Okay. Aloha. you know, Eric, right off the back, I'm going to ask permission to borrow your phrase, creating a soft space for hard conversations, because that is such a big part of life, whether it's through restorative justice, my work as a social worker, you know, a lot has to do in the preparation. Of preparing the space because like with victim offender conferencing, it is in, in my heart, in my, my, my mind, and my naʻau, my gut is always like, what space would you want to walk into? Because, the person who has been offended does a vulnerability now because something happened that never happened before, and there's a sense of violation and that sense of violation, the degrees will differ based on what, what has happened. And then when you look at the person who caused the harm or as legally, like how Tim was saying, the offender. You know, I, I have learned through the victim offender facilitation, conferencing is that the offender is also very vulnerable too, especially the youth, because lots of times, to be perfectly honest, they really don't know why they did what they did. You know, they don't think past the doing the act. You know, they can write it off as something fun or dare or something like that. But when we work with the person offended and the, and the person who created the offense, we meet with them separately because this is voluntary. You can't force someone to, to walk the path of forgiveness and healing. This is a path that they need to choose. For themselves. And so in talking with them, it's really, understanding... I'm just gonna use my social work model that I use. What do they want? What do they need and what does it look like? Because both are vulnerable stages right now, you know, for the, the person who cause the offense. There's court, there's charges filed, you know, and for the person who was offended, it's like shame. Depending on what it, on, on what the offense was, you know, the shame and, and you know, going back to that violation. So in talking with them and when you, they'll tell us when, when we've created a safe space for them is when they agree to move forward. That's how I see it. Mm-hmm. And when we bring them together in the course of, going through the process, going through the model, there's always their right to say, hey, either I need to pause, I need to take a break, or I need to step back. You know, because that's part of the healing and the forgiveness journey. You know, it's, it's, it's, to me, it's not just stripping off band-aid, you know, this is a process. So, I've worked primarily with youth and for a lot of a better word, the magic that I see is when in this safe space they listen to how their actions affected someone else. You know, I mean, people can say, oh yeah, that's accountability, almost definitely that's accountability. But also too, in this age of technology, I kind of chuckle to myself when I see, you know, in trainings or in, job descriptions, also soft skills. Soft skills is life skills, you know? And part of that is listening and understanding another person. We all wanna be heard, we also wanna be seen, we wanna be respected. That is across the board, no matter who you are, that is just from, from littles all the way up to our kupuna. So when you see, when I see the youth listening to the person they offended... And you can just see on their face the, the many changes they go through. And because, um, working with minors, the parents are also in the room, too, yeah? And then you see the parents kind of get that aha. Because we are a small community, sometimes both parties know each other, you know, and then along with that, what's also in the room with us is whatever history they may have, you know? So it's not just what's on the table, it's everything that's surrounding the table.

And for me, you know, I have shared before one of my very first, mediations and it went several hours and it was a group of girls and their, their moms were there and everybody knew each other, you know, and as the girls were talking, you know, of course there's anger cuz anger is hurt. So that will come out like full force, you know, hot, hot minute, like for an hour and everything. But then when they start to listen to each other, they realize what, what has happened. And I think when they understand how the other person feels and what they contributed to making that person feel that way, because guess what? They're feeling the same way too. And then in that particular case, when one of the girls told on the other girls, you know, we were friends from hanabata days, from little kid time, and I miss you. And just that acknowledgement just opened the door and the girls just started talking to each other, you know, and asking for forgiveness. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, you know, da da da da, you know? And, and they went on to share the reasons why. And then it was really interesting watching the, the moms, then the moms started talking to each other. And next thing you know what, plans are being made to all show up at the police department, drop the charges, and they all went in one mom's vehicle and they went and picked up some cold drinks for everyone, you know, and brought it back by the girls already in the agreement. 

Now the agreement is, is what the parties come up with as facilitators, we, we do not, encourage them what to put in, what not to put in, basically what the, not basically, but what the agreement really is. It's in their words, you know, what they acknowledge, any restitution, if it's involved, what each person is, is being held accountable for, and then they review it and because theyʻre minors, parents sign off on it and then it will get referred to the court and the judges to review it. And Tim, correct me if I'm wrong, Eric, too. So if the judge approves this agreement, then the charges still remain in effect until the agreement is completed reviewed by the court, and that's when the judge will determine whether or not charges will be dropped. Now, this is all contingent on the charges that are, you know, on the table too. But for me it's like, it's a small community where it gets out and it's real easy to label our youth. You know, it's like, oh yeah, we know the family. You know, that kid is only pilau. Imagine growing up and you get labeled from the get-go, you know, and here they are in this situation that is highlighted in the community, either formally through the paper or informally through the, you know, coconut, wireless and everything. But this is where the community healing comes in, is when there's restitution. Say for example, if, um, there's vandalism on a house. For example, and then the community sees this, um, this youth going and painting over it, you know, and atoning in a way for, for what he or she may have done. You know, I'm really hoping the community sees that this young person is working towards accountability, healing, and forgiveness.

Tanya: And that's of, of, of himself too, or herself as well. Right.

JoB: Exactly right, exactly. Because, um, you know, Tim is so, so spot on. We, we live in a, um, I know before growing up, uh, people would say, oh, Hawaii's a melting pot. No, we're not a melting pot. Cuz when you are a melting pot, you lose because everybody melts into like a blob.

Okay, but really we are like a mosaic. You know, I learned this from a friend from India who came over and she's like, oh my gosh, Hawaii is like a mosaic piece. And everybody has, has their color piece in there. And that's why now I look at life and people as, you know, I tell my youth, you are creating your tapestry of life and you're gonna have different threads. This is a kind of dark thread because this is a big learning lesson. So how do you wanna turn this dark to a gold thread? You know, so there's so many different ways that, um, through restorative justice, it's, it's, um, peace, however people wanna define it, but definitely the healing and forgiveness because our ancestors, they had talking circles. They may not have called it that, but they are talking circles in, in, in certain cultures, you know, for us, Aunty Lynette Paglinawan (editorʻs note: teacher of ʻike kupuna, elder knowledge). She has granted us guidance to teach our families hoʻoponopono. So, and it's not hoʻoponopono, hoʻoponopono is something different because that is something, a deeper intention on deeper issues and it's not gonna get resolved overnight because the issue did not happen overnight. But with hoʻoponopono, it's really helping our kamalii, our young people, and makua, their parents, their legal guardians how to, how to come and kukakuka - talk story - about what happened. You know, acknowledging what has happened in a way where we can start to listen to each other with grace and respect and give each other that space and grace.

 That's powerful. That's what gets me excited about life moving forward. Because our young people learn this. As makua, we support them, but we also role model as well, because that's our kuleana, that's our responsibility as well. But it's, it's there, it's in our community. But I think we get so, um, desensitized, you know, cuz we see all the, you know, all the, what I call the neggies, the negatives and everything that we forget that, my gosh, the, the power of healing. The power of forgiveness. I mean, think about it, restorative justice. We are restoring, we have an opportunity to restore. Uncle Howard would always tell me, he'd like “come back to center,” you know, and the center is the gratitude. It's pono. So that's, that's my experience and Iʻm just get really stoked about it because I know we have a wonderful community. I'm proud to be a product of our island, and I was always, I was raised to give back. And so I think that's still alive and well in our community. And yeah, I'm, I'm just very grateful that, I have been blessed to, um, be part of this hui here. And to keep learning 

Tim: And our community is so incredibly blessed to have you,  JoB. If, if I could just highlight a couple of things. You know, one is, uh, JoB talked about the agreement and I can tell you that if, if a case goes as far as an agreement being made, we almost have a hundred percent success rate and that success rate translates into nearly $30,000 have been given directly to the victims, so the people that were harmed by the person who did that harm. So we have 100% success rate in restitution being paid, and that doesn't happen in our court system. People may be awarded restitution and never see a dime or see a few pennies. And so that's, I think, a really, really important piece to highlight. And other aspects of the agreement. Incredibly creative. It can be throwing parties, it can be, yeah, repainting. It can be replacing something, can be written apologies, can be other forms of community service. We've had people go through parenting classes, go through drug treatment programs, um, educational programs. So it, it really depends on the people who come together and what it is that they see is needing to happen to help things, to be pono again. 

 Tanya: And that's so great because, so the two parties aren't only in dialogue with each other, which the normal, you know, legal system doesn't really allow for people to talk directly to each other. They're going through representatives. So then they don't, they lose their voice in a, in a society where a lot of us struggle to find our voice in the first place, but they get to, with you, a mediator's, assistance. I guess they get to create the agreement that they're gonna adhere to. I mean, they're, that's, yeah, pretty powerful. I mean, that's sounds elementary. Like why haven't we been doing this all along? 

 Tim: Well, and and we used to do that. That's, 

 Tanya: Well, I guess indigenous, you know, right. Yeah, yeah. 

 Tim: But we've created this justice system that's so complicated that we have to pay attorneys to translate for us in regards to what's happening. And you're right, it silences us especially silences the, the, the victim certainly, and their voice isn't heard. And I know Eric, you know, who has a, a master's degree in, in, in this sort of programming can probably speak to, you know, the difference between creating that space with facilitators or mediators as opposed to what happens in, in the courts.

 Eric: Yeah. I, I, I wanted to just, um, Pick up on some of the, the frame that mm-hmm. JoB was talking about in her story, because there's so many beautiful things that we could just kind of tease out from that. And one of those things is that if you're looking at individuals who cause harm to others or communities that are within a system that has created harm or nation states that have systems of harm as a part of them, they're across those spectrums. Individual, communal, nation. 

 There are three things, basic things that have to happen in order to resolve wrongdoing or injustice. And this goes from community things that happen within Hawaii County, but also to grand scale things like apartheid in South Africa. Or indigenous land rights over historical harm. And, and the first thing that has to happen is that there, there the wrong or injustice has to be acknowledged. It has to be told the truth has to come out. And this, we find over and over with those who have experienced trauma, that this is one of the very first needs that's created is that they need to know what, they need to know what happened. They need to know the facts. Right. The second thing is that equity has to be restored. There has to be a rebalancing. We often think about justice as these scales, and this is, this is that part where those scales have to be rebalanced. There has to be repair. The way in which we build equity is through repair. And then the third is that future intentions have to be addressed. We have to make sure that what has happened doesn't happen again. Which is, which is what is written into those agreements. When we sit down with parties in a, in a conference, we think through these stages and think, okay, now how can we keep this from happening again, not just to the person who experienced it, but to the one who is being held accountable.

Our criminal legal system doesn't operate this way. When harm occurs, our criminal legal system asks like, what law was broken? Who broke it? What punishment do they deserve? Right? Restorative justice looks through a different kind of lens. It asks different questions. Who is harmed? What are their needs? Whose obligation is it? What would bring healing to this situation? Right? Justice is less about punishment and revenge, and it's more about healing and restoration. Because, because when harm happens, it's those relationships that experience fracture and pain and hurt. And those are the things that we need to focus on in order to bring healing and health to our community.

 Eric: So, well put, so well put. I, I'm really interested that, I don't know, I'm gonna go back to something that, um, JoB you said, because when I asked about creating the sacred space, I think you really knocked it out of the park with saying that, you know, you guys are creating a different sense of time because the justice system moves people through a time, you know, a, a, it's the system's time. It's not people's time, right? And so by creating the time, it's almost like honoring the time to process rather than the process itself. 

 JoB: You know? I think you said that better than I did, so thank you very much. 

 Tanya: It just, I, I, I'm just like, I had like this moment of clarity where, um, you know, when I was processing it, I'm like, because when we're rushed to do something, we put up defenses or we have like habitual responses that come into play. But when you create the sense of time to, to move through something, and that's what he-, you know, as a healer, that's what. You have to create, right? Because people all heal in different ways at different times. 

JoB: Yeah. And you know, if you think about it, the, the justice system, it's scary, 

 Tanya: You know, and a lot of people don't - there's not a lot of justice that comes out of it actually. 

 Tim: And the timing. The timing is often. I mean, it's a delicate dance and balance, right? When I first started working on cases in the prosecutor's office, and they've gotten much better now with the police and law enforcement, but there were cases when I called the victim and the case had happened months ago, sometimes over a year ago. So I'm calling about the window that got broken out at your house. Um, I, what are you talking about? They might say, and I'll say, well, um, yeah, well that was about nine months ago and they say, you've got to be kidding me. You know, or I'm calling it about a car theft. Well, I've had three cars stolen since. What, what? Like what do, why are you, why, why are you bothering? So, and then the same thing you call a juvenile. Well, six months is like a lifetime, right? 

 Tanya: Well, to us it's a day.  

 Tim: Exactly- So even though processes have, have moved along a a little bit better, you know, our goal is to help the parties come together and start working to resolve, you know, as, as soon as possible. And sometimes people need a chance to get over that knee jerk revenge sort of response that, that they might feel. And that's why the facilitators meet with each party separately. And we don't rush the process. We just tell the courts, you know what, just, just hold on. We'll get back to you as these parties kind of continue and, and move forward. And then the agreement that they make. Also, it might be, we've done an agreement where the, the community service wasn't gonna finish for 12 months. And initially the courts were like, what do you mean? We're ready to, we wanna close this case out. We need to charge or not charge. It's like, this is what the parties are asking. This is what they want. They want this person to go and clean this park or this trail for five hours a month for 12 months. And so that's what they're, that's what they're going to do. And then we'll, we'll come back and let you know if it's completed or not. And almost 100% of the time it is completed. And then, and then the, you know, the charges are, are dismissed. The other thing that, that JoB mentioned, especially with juvenile cases, because of the confidentiality, which is appropriate and is important with juvenile cases, the person who was harmed may never even learn the name of the person that offended them, right? And so I used to have to deliver apology letters to victims that apologized for the actions, and then it was signed “a juvenile”. Because they were not allowed to, to disclose their name, and I don't know about you, but if I was harmed and then I got that letter, I'd be like (makes rip sound), you know, not interested. Where here, you know, that cloak is removed and it takes an incredible amount of courage for the people to actually enter a room, face one another, and, and then do that hard work. So I always compliment all of the parties, those that did the harm, as well as those that were harmed. With the amount of courage that it takes and we give lots of, and that-

 Tanya; And those acts of courage are what make us more human and what allows us to evolve as humans, right. And grow. Okay. Wow. You guys are just ... my brain's getting bigger-

 Eric: That, that humanness, that human connection is what made me fall in love with restorative justice. Because it, it taps into shared values of what it means to be human across cultural boundaries. Right. Humans are interconnected. And this is one of the, this is one of the things, one of the wisdoms shared with me from indigenous communities and indigenous teachers and, and me being a, a white male growing up in a Western society is very individualized and me- oriented. But this human inter- that we are all interconnected and what we do impacts those around us. And living in a community is a dynamic process in which we all deal both harm and healing almost simultaneously. Mm-hmm. And, but underlying these processes are inherent values like respect and honesty, and humility, and compassion and generosity and, and restorative justice allows us to struggle with those values and in and a space to live into our best self.

 JoB: You know, and I just wanna, oh, sorry. I just wanna tap into what Tim and Eric, were just sharing. You know, sometimes I muse on restorative justice and, you know, after, debriefing in, in my, my head and my heart after, VOC and everything is like, yes, it's, it's, it's on the two parties. You know, forgiveness, healing, restoration. But I also like to believe that it also creates that safe space for the person who caused the harm to reflect within him or herself and to forgive him or herself for what they did, not to carry it as an anchor, as they move forward in life. Because that's like a, you know, a judgment call that carries on in the heart and the mind.

And I think also too, in, in another capacity working with those who were offended, to more severe degrees. It's also, for them learning to forgive themselves. You know, the woulda, coulda shouldaʻs. You know, I should have made sure the door was locked. You know, I, I could have closed the garage door, you know, all these kind of things. And it's like, it's really creating that space and grace, the time and the opportunity to, to reflect and release and so you don't carry it forward, you know, cuz forgiveness is total. In hoʻoponopono, when you forgive you, you release it to the depths of the, of the sea, never to look back, never to carry it with you. Yeah. 

 Tanya: And what a great life skill to begin to learn early in your life.

 JoB: I'll tell you one thing I. I am so grateful for the students and the youth that I have been blessed to support because I have always thanked them for helping me be, be a better person, a better mother, and a better wife. Because our kamalii, our opio, our youth, they're excellent teachers. 

 Tanya: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

 JoB: Theyʻre wonders, you know, and we just need to like take the title off our heads and just really be in the moment with them. And learn it. Cuz you're right, sometimes there's just life is just rush, rush, rush, rush, rush. And then we feel like we have to conform to certain roles and not really giving ourselves that opportunity to step out from what we think we're supposed to be, whatever the perception is, and just learn to be in that moment and to learn from the person sitting in the room with us. And that's what I really, really appreciate about restorative justice. 

 Tanya: So that segues perfectly into my last, well second to last question for all you guys, cuz Eric mentioned something about, you know, this is building a culture of peace. And then, JoB you mentioned how it's, you know, this whole learning process of restorative justice has made you a, a better, you know, wife, a better mother, better, better every role you play, probably.

So what for each of you is your, I guess, the term these days is, what is your life hack? What is your mediation hack that we can each take into our own interpersonal lives every day so that we have more, um, skills in our own interpersonal relationships every day to create more culture of peace in our everyday lives? And JoB I'm gonna start with you, sis.

 JoB: Okay. There's two for me. Uh, well, it's one word. I mean, it's one meaning two words. Okay. Tim knows me, so he knows how I roll. Um, I'm gonna say grateful courage. Yeah. For me, that's, that's, that's it. 

 Tanya: Powerful. How about you, Eric? 

 Eric: Um, life hacks. I think the one that immediately came to my mind was, we should all seek to understand before we talk which is just a basic tenet of listening well, is learn, take the time, to listen. Well seek to understand who your conversation partner is and what their needs are. Um, and do that first before you interject your, your opinion or, um, What you, your advice, um, seek to understand. 

 Tanya: Hmm. Thank you. Thank you. Uh, I did that. I crossed off my questions that I had planned for you and created new ones as you guys are all talking today. Um, trying to get into my own regenerative listening state, you know, of mine. Uh, okay. How about you, Tim? Uh, what do you suggest that, uh, skill that we can take, take. 

 Tim: I would build on, on what both JoB and Eric said. And, you know, a native elder, Mark LaPointe, who's was a, such a, a, a, a wisdom source, the Dakota elder in Minnesota. Hhe would often, often remind others that, you know, when we look in the mirror, we're reminded that we were created with two ears and one mouth. And perhaps we should use them accordingly. So his point was always, you know, we should be listening at least twice as much as what we're talking. And I have a mantra that I start each day off with. And part of that is really asking that, that I will speak words of wisdom throughout the day. And I'm often reminded that the strongest words of wisdom is just keeping my mouth. Closed and listening for, for, for the wisdoms of others. So yeah, we as a society we're, we've gotten to just want to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk and text, text, text, text, text and, and everything. And creating that space and time to take a deep breath and to truly be present with another person is just pure gift. And so even this time, this morning, as I feel like we've done that so well with one another, it's just a beautiful life hack to, to carry forward. 

 Tanya: I love that. Um, well then my final question for each of you is, you know, what's the, your favorite song that comes to mind that would, reflect this great conversation that we just had? ... leave people with a little, uh, tidbit in their, in their minds. 

 JoB: I got one. 

 Tanya: Okay, let's hear it.

 JoB: Okay. So oldie but goodie, um, it's my ringtone, uh, James Taylor Shower the People. 

 Tanya: Mm, I love that song. 

 JoB: You know, like if I'm in a, um, if I, if I'm in a struggling place during the day or in life and then all of a sudden it just, I have to turn down marine tone cuz you just kind of blast.

 But when you hear it, it is like, shouty, people you love with love, I'm like, huh. You know, it just kind of brings me back to center. So, yeah, that's my JT. 

 Tanya: Oh, I hope there's more James Taylors in the world in the future, right? What a great songwriter - shower the people with love. Yes. Okay. Anyone else here who's next?

 Tim: Well, I wanna do mine next because I know Eric's gonna actually sing his and I don't wanna have to sing. You know, I've been doing this work for 20 some years and, often people will tell me, “You know, it, it's not gonna work. Like, people are not going to wanna face, they're not gonna wanna forgive, they're not gonna be accountable and apologize like, you know, come on, move on from this, this isn't really what happens. And, one time a person told me, you know, you're, you're just a dreamer. And so I think of John Lennon who said, you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. And, I feel like as people hear more and more about these concepts, they reem- embrace that deep wisdom that's in all of us, and it reawakens and, helps to nurture us in, in such positive ways. So here we are dreaming. I love it.

 Tanya: And may we nurture the dreamer in each of us, right? Like, wow, when education starts doing that, we'll be on the flip side of all this conflict. All right, Eric. 

 Eric: Um, I will not be singing this. And when I name the song, you'll realize, yeah, he probably shouldn't do a solo. But I, I love how we've all kind of drifted to these classics that just stay with us, that resonate with us over time and across generations, because mine is Bob Marley's Redemption Song. Oh, and every time, every time I hear that song, um, it washes over me in, in a, in a way that like grounds my feet in the earth and in conflict, but, point, point, my, my direction, my eyesight towards, uh, future goodness and um, and repair and redemption, right? It's a song I turn to often. 

 Tanya: I love that. Music heals as, as each of you are doing in our community. And I just wanna thank you, again, our guests today, are Eric Paul, executive director of West Hawaii Mediation Center. Tim Hansen, former restorative justice program manager for the Hawaii County Prosecutor's office. He's in the mayor's office now, and Joanne Balberde-Kamalii, JoB, a former conflict resolution practitioner with East Hawaii Mediation. And we'll have links below for the mediation center and possible trainings coming up if you're interested in becoming a mediator. If you just wanna know more about, uh, restorative justice and how it's happening in our community, I just wanna thank all of you guys for being who you are. I, I'm so blessed to have,  gotten to know you all in this short time. I just wish you guys all the best and just keep on keeping on, man. Thank you for making the world a better place.  

 JoB: Oh mahalo.

 Eric: Thank you so much for having us. 

 Mahalo for listening to Ola Ka Moku. For more information about the restorative justice program or other mediation services available at West Hawaii Mediation Center, visit whmediation.org or call 808-885-5525. West Hawaii Mediation Center is a 501(c)3 nonprofit agency and your gifts are tax deductible. Theyʻre working with our friends, neighbors and fellow islanders to restore peace in our community. Thank you for supporting their work. 

https://whmediation.org/

Pau Hana fundraiser on May 19, 2023 https://whmediation.org/pauhana2023/

Become a mediator https://whmediation.org/volunteer/mediator/

This program has been sponsored by E.F. Cash-Dudley, Waimeaʻs estate planning attorney. When do you need a lawyer? In crisis or change. Visit https://efcashdudleylaw.com/