The Power of No: Unleashing Your Assertiveness with Ashley Legg and Cynthia Johnson

In this empowering episode of the Get It Girl podcast, join hosts Ashley Legg and Cynthia Johnson as they dive deep into the art and importance of saying "No." In a world where we're often conditioned to prioritize others' needs and demands over our own, learning to assert boundaries can be transformative. Ashley and Cynthia share personal anecdotes and strategies that have helped them reclaim their time, energy, and personal power by mastering the simple yet profound word "no."

Discover the psychological barriers that make us reluctant to decline requests and how overcoming them can lead to a more balanced, fulfilling life. Our hosts explore the delicate balance between assertiveness and accommodating and how to navigate situations where saying no feels impossible. They also provide practical advice for listeners struggling to assert their boundaries without guilt or fear of conflict.

Whether you're a people-pleaser seeking liberation or someone looking to enhance your assertiveness skills, this episode is a treasure trove of wisdom, tips, and encouragement. Tune in to transform your life by embracing the power of "No."

Remember, it's not just about saying no to others but saying yes to yourself. Let Ashley and Cynthia guide you through this journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Subscribe to the Get It Girl podcast for more personal growth, mental health, and empowerment episodes.

Podcast hosts:

Cynthia Johnson

• https://cynthialive.com
• https://amzn.to/3BKrcLl
• https://www.instagram.com/cynthialive/
• https://twitter.com/CynthiaLIVE
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynjohnson/
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cynthia_Johnson_(entrepreneur)

Ashley Legg

• https://www.leggday.com/
• https://www.ashleymarielegg.com/
• https://www.instagram.com/legg_day/
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/leggdayfitness/

Transcript

Ashley: 0:01

Welcome to the Get it girl community where yes, you can have it all. We are redefining confidence and life, business health and happiness. If you are

Cynthia Johnson: 0:10

motivated, full of drive a go getter and looking for ways to achieve it all without losing yourself to the constant grind, this space is for you.

Ashley: 0:18

We're teaching you to take control of your life to boost confidence to feel good inside and out, which then spills into every aspect of your life. You show up better for yourself, your relationships, your career, your passions.

Cynthia Johnson: 0:31

We also focus a lot on bucket lists to help ignite that passion and adventure in you when it comes to differences in your life, to relationships, travel, food, and so much more.

Ashley: 0:42

So look in the mirror and say it loud and proud. Yes, you can have it all. Get

Cynthia Johnson: 0:47

it girl, we are changing the conversation around women and success, from empowerment to celebration of achievement. Welcome back to another Get it girl podcast episode. I am one of your hosts, Cynthia Johnson here with my lovely co host, Ashley. And this is a very, very exciting episode of The Power of saying no, the two letter word that really is somehow very difficult to say. creeping up on us all of the time, don't you feel that? Actually?

Ashley: 1:29

You do. And I feel like it comes in waves and cycles in life where you know, it can be scary to say no, but it can also be very empowering. And I think the older and wiser you get, it does get easier to say no, because you start to really value your time and see where you want to put your energy where it's worth it where you're going to get the most benefit, and it's going to feel rewarding. And so I think this is a powerful conversation, because I feel like a lot of us hadn't be scared. Because you know, when you're younger, you've grown up in situations where you feel like your teachers watching or your boss, and you don't want to say no to something because you want to be a part of the group or, you know, but now, in adulthood, you have the power to say now and you can say it when ever you want it doesn't matter. You know, if you think it's going to affect the other person, this is your life. So if you need to say no, you should say now, we're

Cynthia Johnson: 2:27

raised constantly like don't You don't tell no to mommy or you know, you don't catch myself? I can't say that to you. But you get to this place where you enter people pleasing, unintentionally, because you don't say no, that's where the people pleasing begins. Yes, absence of the word no. Wild.

Ashley: 2:52

So true to. So I feel like when we're talking about saying no, we're gonna break this down for you guys. And I think the first step is to just really understand your priorities. Before saying yes to anything, consider whether or not it really does align with you and your goals and your priorities, because that's number one. You don't want to say yes to things aren't serving you because that's really just going to add stress onto your plate. So understand what truly matters before committing to something.

Cynthia Johnson: 3:25

Yes, it ebbs and flows, right, because priorities change. So there is a checking in with yourself to make sure you understand those priorities. Even if you don't necessarily because overwhelm I feel like happens when to your point, actually where you're taking out you're saying yes to so many things, that nothing becomes important to you. You're like, what am I doing this for? Again? Like, I don't, I don't actually remember why I'm here. Like, I'm here. Why am I here? Again, it can be kind of scary. I mean, I know when we were working together and your business I like to you. Again, this is the ebb and flow, right? You go into your business, you're like, I'll do everything. And I will do all of it so that I can build a business or see where I fit and that's okay. But knowing when to stop doing that and to start reprioritizing and saying no, this is important. You're doing literally everything when we started working with

Ashley: 4:19

everything. And I hired Cynthia to be my brand expert and to monitor like what my long term goals were, you know what I was working on day in and day out. And then on my spare time, I was volunteering for my community, which is great. I definitely feel like there's a time and a place for that. But it was getting to the point where it's almost like a job and obviously wasn't getting paid. And it was taking away from work. So yes, I remember being overwhelmed. And Cynthia was like Ashley, you need to say no. Just like you need to start saying No, and that's when it really hit me like okay, like I can't do everything I need You need to be able to pick and choose. And this leads to our next point, I needed to set boundaries. Mm hmm. That can be very hard to do. But I feel like once you're very clear about your limits, and you communicate that to yourself, number one and others, this can help prevent the feelings of burnout and overwhelm, which is exactly what I was feeling. It was like a hamster wheel of wanting to grow my business. But I was doing so much for my business, I was doing so much for my community, I was doing so much for my clients, I was just doing way too much at once. And I was just stuck and then not evolving the way I wanted to evolve face. So you have to start saying no, to make room for fostering those things that you want to grow.

Cynthia Johnson: 5:46

Yeah, the setting boundaries. There's multiple ways to do it. Because I was when you're, if you're listening to like, what you charged, or like, you know, Ashley refused to not pay me. She said that she wanted to prioritize it. And she wanted to be a priority. And so step one, nailed it. Step two, is where is where I had to come in and say, Why are you running the town social media, there were clear boundaries, because the next evolution of your business was to be on those pages, not to manage them, and like the next evolution of your business was to protect not to not participate, but to participate in a way that serves you, and to benefit from the fact that you had volunteered for so long. And I think he really, you did that, even though in the moment, those are tough conversations, because you're telling someone basically like you have to figure this out now, because I can't be the person.

Ashley: 6:38

And I would have a lot of guilt. So I understand that people probably feel honestly the same way that they don't want to let someone down. So there's the people pleasing aspect. And then there's that guilt, which causes like emotional stress. And so those are the things you want to try to avoid ahead of time, you're understanding your priorities, and you're setting your boundaries, it's going to open space for you to be a little more relaxed, which segues into our next point of self care, like practicing it. And we talk about that a lot on the podcast that everything really does stem from like mindset. And so if you're taking on too much, and you're saying yes to everything, and you're overwhelmed, you're probably very stressed in your mind in your body, just in the way you show up. And so being able to make more time for whatever you really want to do and for yourself and to practice self care in this process of saying, now, I feel like it's going to make you so much happier and more relaxed and more at ease as a person. I think a lot of the time people really do shove their self care aside, when really, it should be number one. Because when you feel good inside and out, and when you feel less stress and have more mental clarity and are happier, that's going to spill out into every other aspect of your life. And so it really does start within. So I think once you know you've got those priorities, you set your boundaries, you are practicing self care, those are the first three steps when it comes to the power of saying no.

Cynthia Johnson: 8:11

And then there's the fourth, which is my personal favorite. Be assertive. We don't need to explain why. We're saying no, like, No, we don't owe anyone an explanation. unless we've said Yes, first. Then we go back and we say no. That's when it's like, okay, well, you said this thing. And now you're wishy washy, and you're uncertain. And those are hard conversations, asking for more time to think about something and saying no, should be very clear. The boundary is set in the tone. Because you can say no, I mean, and then all of a sudden, you derailed the entire,

Ashley: 8:47

and you can be assertive while being polite about it. What

Cynthia Johnson: 8:51

hurts it in the assertive piece comes from the silence. So you don't have to be like No, I'm gonna, you know, like, get all aggressive. That's not what assertive but as assertive as No, thank you.

Ashley: 9:04

Assertive is not being defensive. It's just it is what it is. Yeah, like, this is my decision. And people do respect that as well. When it is a hard No. Yes. If you are confident and you're assertive, hard, no. Okay, let's move on. Like, you might get someone that might fight you on it. But again, that that's has more to do with them, whatever they're internalizing, versus what your decision is benefiting you. So you almost have to just stop thinking about the other person in certain situations. If you truly want to say no to something, just say no and don't worry about that other person. The other side of it, you

Cynthia Johnson: 9:44

have to teach people how to treat you, which is actually perfect for our next our next tip. Step five, is the practicing saying no, just no. Again, the site literally this, the assertive pieces in the silence though? No, no,

Ashley: 10:03

I have a really good example of this with my one on one eating accountability clients. Now there's temptations all around us all of the time. So if they're, you know, going out to dinner with friends, or they're at a party and like, there's a table of desserts, or there's an unlimited amount of alcoholic beverages, and I always tell them to be picky about their indulgences, to learn when to say no, and to learn when to say yes, practicing saying no gets easier. And this can literally just be like a mental note to yourself. It could be a no thank you, if someone offers you something. But like, the first couple of times, they're like, Oh, but I really want it. But I really want to go towards my goal. So I'm going to sacrifice this one one time saying no. And then I'll have them come back to me. And they'll be like, Oh, my gosh, I said, No. And I feel so proud of myself, because it's like they stood up for themselves and their goals in a moment of temptation. It's not easy to do. You think it's easy, but like, it's hard when everyone else in that social setting is indulging. And in your mind, you're like, but I have a long term goal. And you're at a crossroads. So what do you do? And that's up to you. If you want it that badly to earn that progress, then maybe this is the time you say now, I love this part of like practicing because it really can apply to any situation. And it's just going to give you more confidence in saying no, every time you do it, when it truly matters, in

Cynthia Johnson: 11:34

my business to people hire you because they don't know what to do. But then they try to tell you how to do it. And then they try to tell you what you what they should be getting things fall down. Sometimes trust me, it's not perfect. I more often regret the times where I've given in than the times where I haven't. And maybe it's because I never have to think about the times I didn't give him ever again. There's something to be said for that too. Because it gets you off this hamster hamster wheel of why is it not working? It's not working out? Because it never should have happened in the first place. There was no it was directionless. We're talking about with your clients. And they're giving them the power of saying no. And then also we're running a team and trying to understand making sure everyone's equipped to say no, by having you know, the priorities understood and all of these, these steps along the way. So it avoid the stress of getting caught up. And when those moments when you didn't say no by practicing, practice with the with anybody in real time. And also just see the reactions of the people who know you best. They probably won't question you though. And that will feel great. A lot of the times it's on our head, we think we have to do more than than we do. We're living in a world of grown ups most of the time, and they can handle it.

Ashley: 12:50

Yeah. So just say no, just do it at a girl say no. to our next point, it's all about trusting your instincts to if something really doesn't feel right, doesn't sit well with you, it doesn't align with your morals or goals or whatever, then that's probably a clear distinction that you should say, No, I think I've run into that with social media and collaborations. People want to work work with me to have a beneficial reach to each other's audiences. But I won't do that unless it's something that I feel like I personally will enjoy or that I use, or that I'm willing to pitch and that I want my community to also dive into like, I won't pitch it unless it's aligned. Because I feel like then it's just, again, you're creating busy work, you're not even trusting the situation. And it's just not a good place to be in and so you have total control over who you work with who you hang out with, by, you know, trusting your instincts and being like, okay, yes, this is great. This is a perfect alignment versus I'm worried about this. Oh my gosh, what's going to happen when this comes out into public? You know what I mean? There's just just trust yourself, we really do have like that gut internal instinct. And just you just have to listen to it.

Cynthia Johnson: 14:13

Yeah. And we have to you have to create space to listen. And if you're so busy with all the Yes, things leave read to, you don't even have time to really sit back and think about what are my instincts telling me in this situation. You're just complete overwhelm. And you stop trusting yourself and you start trusting everyone else around you. And that is where we get caught up in burnout and all of the things because you're supposed to be doing all the things you said yes to not sitting around listening to yourself. No.

Ashley: 14:44

So the whole point of this conversation is to say that saying no is empowering. It is a form of self respect. It's a form of self care. And that's our last point. Feel how confident you feel After saying no to a certain situation that you don't want to be in, it's okay. You can say no.

Cynthia Johnson: 15:06

And you can also allow other people to say yes, right. Because once you have that space, and you know what you want and what you're going after, you know, you take yourself out of the place of constantly being at the beck and call of their people, you know, and you're just watch your world expand, because it's no longer you like, as like the go to person to help alleviate everyone else's stress, you're actually trying to build something. And that's an outward expression. Say no. So you can ask other people to say yes.

Ashley: 15:37

But I love you always like flip things. And I love that about it, because it really does put things into perspective. But yeah, I love this conversation. And honestly, there's a couple things on my list that I need to actually say no to. So it's a good conversation to have. And I feel like you're always going to be faced with this predicament. And like you said, at evolves, we grow, we change. So something that we may have said yes to prior is not going to be the same situation now and that's okay. Because that's life. And that's evolution. You have the power to take control. And we're happy that you join us today for this conversation on the Gallagher podcast.

Cynthia Johnson: 16:19

Yes, yes, yes. And please go out there today. Tomorrow say no delay three things or things like just do it. If you enjoy this podcast, please like subscribe, download all the fun things. And we will be here again next week. Thank

Ashley: 16:36

you for listening to the gadget girl podcast. If you're not already, make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a new episode. Our

Cynthia Johnson: 16:43

number one goal is to connect, inspire and to build a movement where you never feel alone. See you in the next episode.