What happens when life's challenges force you to confront your deepest fears? Join us for a transformative episode of Broke Boyz as we welcome back Rockstar Turtle, also known as Ivan, who shares his raw and heartfelt journey of personal growth. Hear how a beloved pet's passing and a church camp experience led him to reconnect with his emotions and embrace vulnerability. Ivan speaks candidly about his struggles with anxiety, drawing powerful parallels to characters from Inside Out 2 and highlighting the importance of emotional healing and self-care.
We also dive into the complex journey of finding self-worth and embracing solitude. Through candid stories, we explore the lessons learned from past relationships and significant regrets, emphasizing the need to trust oneself and let go of the need to please others. Discover the emotional resonance behind Ivan's new summertime song and get a sneak peek into the creative process that brings it to life. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that you're not alone—everyone matters, and seeking support is a vital step toward personal growth and independence.
What happens when life's challenges force you to confront your deepest fears? Join us for a transformative episode of Broke Boyz as we welcome back Rockstar Turtle, also known as Ivan, who shares his raw and heartfelt journey of personal growth. Hear how a beloved pet's passing and a church camp experience led him to reconnect with his emotions and embrace vulnerability. Ivan speaks candidly about his struggles with anxiety, drawing powerful parallels to characters from Inside Out 2 and highlighting the importance of emotional healing and self-care.
We also dive into the complex journey of finding self-worth and embracing solitude. Through candid stories, we explore the lessons learned from past relationships and significant regrets, emphasizing the need to trust oneself and let go of the need to please others. Discover the emotional resonance behind Ivan's new summertime song and get a sneak peek into the creative process that brings it to life. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that you're not alone—everyone matters, and seeking support is a vital step toward personal growth and independence.
Follow us @ brokeboyz_ff on Instagram and TikTok Intro Music by Rockstar Turtle- Broke Boyz (999)
Speaker 1:
Welcome back to another episode of the Broke Boys. I'm Warren and today I got a special guest Rockstar Turtle.
Speaker 2:
Yes, sir, that's me Rockstar Turtle.
Speaker 1:
It's been a minute, Ivan.
Speaker 2:
Yes, it has a long minute.
Speaker 1:
And welcome back to season two.
Speaker 2:
Thank you.
Speaker 1:
I'm excited. Thank you for having me Excited for you to be back on man.
Speaker 2:
It's been a minute, so if you don't mind, man, what you been been up to, how's it been? Give me, give me a little life update. You know, I just took some time off a month or two, yeah and uh. I don't know if you guys seen inside out too. I just came out on theaters, but uh there's this little creature uh or feeling mood, whatever uh anxiety? Okay and at the ending spoiler, this anxiety character goes like you know, freaks out crazy freaks out goes crazy and that's what I kind of like, felt like you know
Speaker 2:
yeah, that's what I felt like. So I told myself I'm gonna go ghost again you had to give yourself some time. And I had to back off a little bit and, kind of you know, focus on myself a little bit more.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:
I thought I was ready, thought wrong and, kind of, you know, backed away a little bit and I feel much better. Dude, I'm glad to hear that, 100% better.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I'm glad to hear that man and I know much better dude, I'm glad 100 better.
Speaker 2:
yeah, I'm glad to hear that man and I know a lot of people have missed you and I've missed you too well, you too, brother.
Speaker 1:
It's been, it's been a while, and you know what we're. I'm glad that you're here today and I'm glad that, um, we're able to to film this today, thank you, thank you, and I'm we're gonna dive deep with these deep questions. So, before we continue, guys, let's go ahead and let's roll the intro.
Speaker 2:
Yes, sir, all right is good.
Speaker 3:
We make it out alive. I'll never leave my dogs behind. We stick together like we signed. We shooting stars, one of a kind. We undefeated, just resign money more alright, ivan, let's go ahead.
Speaker 1:
I got some questions for you, man, and take your time to answer them. I know it's uh, these might be a little bit um deep cut ones the reason why we wanted to do an episode like this. It's for mental health awareness.
Speaker 2:
Yes, sir.
Speaker 1:
And to always remember that, hey, you're not alone. We struggle through a lot of things, I struggle through a lot of demons, and you know what. We're in this together, yes, sir, Always. We're in this together, yes, sir, always. So, ivan, what experience in your life has shaped you the most and how has it changed your perspective?
Speaker 2:
This one I had trouble with. But what is it? I came to a conclusion and I would say that it would be my dog Nugget. Previously, when I was on the pod, I talked about my boy Nugget, but he is one of the experiences that kind of you know impacted my life.
Speaker 1:
Absolutely.
Speaker 2:
Due to like I don't know, I guess me, and had a a little love and hate relationship, but I don't know, him dying kind of affected me, low-key, like bro, like it hurt, it hurt a lot. And before he died I was like so numb bro, I was numb to the core, you know. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I was numb bro, I couldn't feel shit, I was trying to feel shit but I couldn't feel nothing at all and uh, I just it was didn't care, you know, yeah, and when my boy died, nugget rip, what is it?
Speaker 2:
um, I felt that, I I felt that first like kind of light within the dark clouds, you know.
Speaker 1:
Yes.
Speaker 2:
Like it beamed right through the fucking dark clouds and that shit kind of woke me up. Yeah, it woke me up to start to feel again, you know.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
I could feel my emotions again. I can feel how I want to feel.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
And that shit was pretty tough man. It was sad that he died, but also I was like I don't know it made you look into a different perspective? Yeah, it made me it made me want to become a better person, like legit love, more cause, like I said, me and nugget had a love and hate relationship yeah, yeah but I could have loved him more.
Speaker 2:
So after that I was like no, let me just love more, let me understand more, let me be there for those who you know yeah, I haven't been there yeah, absolutely no, I understand, I get that, I get that.
Speaker 1:
The next question is can you describe a time when you felt truly vulnerable and what you learned from that experience?
Speaker 2:
Yes, that one. I would say that would go to church camp.
Speaker 1:
Okay.
Speaker 2:
Church camp, only because before this would be my first church camp, my first time going before, I was like I don't know, I would isolate myself. I would kind of like just not want to show my true colors to people. You know I don't want to. I guess in a way I was like why am I gonna open myself up when I'm not gonna you?
Speaker 2:
know, yeah, these people again yeah even though it was a church camp and it was my brother's church camp. And then when I was in the church camp, the first day was hard, but I kind of, you know, I knew people pretty well. And then I was like you know what, I'm going to just open myself up. Yeah, I'm going to open up. And that was my first time kind of being vulnerable, because I was, like you know, just trying to pray, closing my eyes, trying to have faith yeah open yourself up into that faith and to that holy light yeah
Speaker 2:
and finding, finding yourself and that allowed me to like kind of like trust, trust, you know myself being around people, yeah, and instead of being in the shadows trying to hide myself got you, got you. So I was like, nah, like I'm gonna just be myself and whoever doesn't like me, doesn't like me, but yeah yeah they showed me like I was vulnerable, bro.
Speaker 2:
I was like damn, like I had times where I could cry, but not gonna lie, I didn't cry, but I was like. I was like damn, but it made you find who you are.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah, formed the person that you want to be yeah, and it felt good because I was like and I.
Speaker 1:
I can relate to that. When you say you know you, you don't overthink about how others see you. If people I get that I understand that.
Speaker 1:
Just because you can't please anybody, no, yeah, you can't please everyone, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you can do for them or whatever it may be, it's hard to be a people pleaser and I struggled with that personally, just because I always wanted to be a people pleaser and I struggled with that personally just because I always wanted to be a people pleaser. Like I don't want it to be an inconvenience to anybody and I know, I know the feeling. So and and it's hard, it's hard to sit there and be like you know what, like I'm just going to sit this one out. If you want to judge me, judge me. If you want to judge me, judge me, do whatever you want. For me. It's just like come on, but after a while you develop that thick skin and be like, hey, you know what, believe whatever you want to hear about me, but if you know me, you know who I am.
Speaker 1:
You know my character and if you want to believe what others say about me, then you truly don't know who I am. Just kind of open me up, you know. You know, yeah, I get it. Uh, so this is the third one. Yes, what is a significant regret you have and how has it impacted your personal growth?
Speaker 2:
do we still bleep out names? Absolutely okay, good. Good because because this one involves what is it? Years ago, Situationship.
Speaker 1:
Yes.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, now I regretted it because I mean I always wanted her in my life. But then at the same time I was like no, not, it's not good for me it's not gonna work.
Speaker 2:
But I don't know for some, for some reason I always regret it, but it also it was a. It was a life experience because low-key bro like that shit, kind of you know, made me who I am in a way. Yeah, like I learned a lot from her, like legit I did. I'm always. I appreciate everything she did, even though I didn't at the time yeah but now I think about it I'm like, damn, she taught me a few things that I kind of you know that helped me through life absolutely and I use those.
Speaker 2:
You know, I use those things to help me move on with life.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, every mistake that we go through, every lesson that we have to learn, you know trial and error. This is the way that life is. You're either going to learn one way or you're going to learn the other, and it's difficult to sit there and be like, fuck, I devote myself to this person and I want them to be my, my other half. But no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you, you do the work and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and everyone everyone has different interpretations of it. The way that I see it is, if it's meant to be, you're gonna be there, through the good, the bad, the ugly you name it and you're gonna make it work. Yeah, that's the whole point of finding your other half. It's not finding the one, it's not finding the one that's going to fit right into your lifestyle. It's finding the one that you're willing to fight for and finding a worth of your time to fight for them. That's a hard lesson to deal with and to learn, and I understand where you're coming from.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, with and to learn, and and I understand where you're coming from yeah and uh, the most important thing that I learned from that was being comfortable with being alone. I was never I don't know. I feel like I was being come. I was. I was cool being alone, but after being so attached to her for so long, yeah, I was like, nah, like I need somebody.
Speaker 2:
But after that broke off and I kind of, you know, went my own way. I started eating alone and like in a like, a like I wanted to. You know, like it felt peace, like just doing things that I wanted, yeah, on my own time, yeah, without having you, having you know being rushed or shit. But that was pretty. That was pretty cool to learn how to be alone.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
You can do so much, you know.
Speaker 1:
By yourself.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
And you found like independence, yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 2:
I like that she was. She was one of the experiences that know it impacted my life yeah, early in my age and that was one of the regrets. Yeah, yeah but maybe it was meant to be and I'm good where I'm at now, so I wouldn't take it back, you know yeah oh well, yeah, my brother, no, I get it I get it.
Speaker 1:
And um, you showed me some of the new songs that you, that you recorded, oh yes, and they all stick out tremendously. I love them all. They all have great, significant value to each of the, each of their lyrics. So well written, well sang. I love them. Um, I can't wait till you release them, bro. They hit hard.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, dude, and that's from like just me taking that time off, like I could have recorded them a while back and maybe they would have came out the same way, but me taking that time off and kind of, you know, working on myself. I went in that studio knowing them songs lyrically and that's something big for me because I don't know my lyrics. You know it takes time for you to learn it. But I learned the lyrics without even looking at my phone, bro, so I'm like that was a huge. That meant something, yeah.
Speaker 2:
So, I was like, and I don't know, I don't know. It felt different this time because I was just so, you know, in tune with myself. I kind of knew what I was going to go there for and how to execute it. Yeah, and I'm just happy that I got to record, because I've been missed. I missed the feeling of making music, recording music, music and just listening to my, listening to the outcome.
Speaker 1:
Oh, yeah, no, it's a great outcome and, like you can, in some of the songs, you feel the emotion in your voice and and that's empowering yeah like I listened to it and I felt the pain that you were going through and it was like, oh shit, this is, this is, this is incredible. And I feel you and I, I almost thank you. You feel the emotion in the song yeah, bro and it's just like, oh shit.
Speaker 1:
And then you start reminiscing about certain shit in your own life and, like I started feeling like that, wow, like I'm connecting to the artist, I'm connecting to you and that's the beauty of it, bro yes, it is, and I'm and I'm glad that that I made these songs.
Speaker 2:
I think that's one of the things that I kind of focused on, just trying to, you know, put more emotion to them yeah and I want, because when I want somebody to listen, when I see someone listening to my music, I want to see a reaction, low-key, like I just want to like. Do you feel my voice? You know?
Speaker 2:
yeah, yeah do you fucking feel that shit? Do you feel it in your soul, brother? I don't let you know, because if you don't, you fucking let me know, because I go back and fucking redo it. But it's just no. I listen to these over and over and over and I'm like yeah, I, I improved I improved, so that's.
Speaker 1:
I'm happy about that it's, it's part of the process, part of the game. Which, out of the three that you recorded, which one is the one that stands out for you the most, and why?
Speaker 2:
these three are all pretty good, but my favorite one would be uh, what is it? It's a summertime one, I haven't found a name for it, but it's it's the last one that I showed you. Yes, that one. Yeah, that one's my favorite. This is a small little intro of my new song that's gonna come out. Basically, bro, it's just, you know, one day I I found the beat and I was like, oh shit, this kind of sounds like a cruising vibe beat. So I was like what can I write to this? And I like at the moment I was drinking a lot, so I was like geez you got a little bit of a influence.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, a little drinking vibe in there yeah and it was spring at the time, so I was like I gotta make it summer summerish. So yeah, I gotta kind of incorporate that, and so, yeah, I gotta kinda Incorporate that.
Speaker 3:
And.
Speaker 2:
It's, it's just a chill vibe song. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead, but it's also my time has been overdue. It's my time now. Yeah, hell yeah. It's my time, but.
Speaker 3:
Okay.
Speaker 2:
This is it, guys.
Speaker 3:
I've been driving in my city for a while, trying to find a quiet place to be alone. By 12, maybe I need a 24. I'll be chugging till they got me some more. I can feel the summer breeze. I feel it coming. I couldn't wait cause this winter got me numbing Tank top, flip flops on the beach side. Summer nights come alive. We act naughty Wow.
Speaker 1:
Like I said, bro, when you played that, I instantly clicked with it. The creative mind of mine started just pouring out ideas and I can't wait until you release it. I can't wait until you film the music video for it. Yeah, I'm excited. There's so many ideas that run through my head when I listen to the song yeah bro, and it just this is. This is a great song, and I can't wait till you release it, bro.
Speaker 2:
To be honest, I can't wait for the people to listen to it. Bro, that ass I've been wanting, you know. I've been on the low for a while too long, and now it's time for me to rise from the ashes. Yep, kind of you know. Let people know that I still got it and I do got it.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
And these songs that are about to come out are going to show you that I do have a still end. I'm going to go further and I'm going to be newer than new and better than better.
Speaker 1:
So, yes, I can't wait. I can't wait to hear it and I can't wait until this comes out. Man, I'm excited for you. Before we wrap it up, man, is there anything that you want to tell the listeners? Any advice, whether it's mental health, whether it's finding yourself again, let them know, man. I know you've been in the dark for a minute and you've been struggling, so any advice that you can give them to know that, hey, man, you're not alone.
Speaker 2:
Yes, I actually do First thing first. I'm the greatest. I'm just kidding. No, I'm not kidding. Muhammad Ali, I like that, yeah, but uh, what is it? Honestly, bro, if you feel like you need to take time off, take the time off, bro, don't think about what others think. If you're really in like a dilemma where you're like you're overthinking everything, you don't know who you are, bro, just take time out, bro trying to isolate yourself, trying to, you know, yes, talk to your friends too, but if that doesn't help either, just isolate yourself.
Speaker 2:
You know, isolate yourself kind of learn what is doing that to you, and kind of you know face it yeah face it, just face it, and it could be one week, two weeks a month, two months, three months. Who cares, bro, as long as it takes, just take time off. Yeah, because you don't want all that to bottle up and kind of you know, give yourself the peace I've been through that, bro.
Speaker 2:
I would bottle it up and, yeah, one night I'm drunk and I'll just start crying, bawling out and just freaking out and I'm like, oh no, bro I get it, bro.
Speaker 1:
What a fucking day that was. I bottled up all my emotions, bro yeah I still do. That sucks, bro, and that's my toxic trait. That movie on the situation. Be honest with you. No, no, yeah, and I want to better myself pretty soon, you will. So I know I will and seek help if you need it. Yes, even if it's just a friend even if it's just your best friend, your closest friend, a family member that you trust, and just to tell them like hey, I'm not doing good mentally.
Speaker 2:
Talk to them bro Talk. I say, if you're feeling some type of way, bro, and it's not a good way talk to somebody, and if they're not willing to listen, then talk to the other person, bro, and if they're not listening, talk to us, bro.
Speaker 1:
Absolutely. My DMs are always open and I know that you're very in touch with your fans as well.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, because everyone matters and everyone should get the chance to be heard.
Speaker 1:
And you're not alone At the end of the day. We support each and every single one of you and we want you guys to all succeed and know that, hey, if no one else, you and we want you guys to all succeed and know that, hey, if no one else is going to care about you, we for sure will.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
No matter how big or how small, we treat everybody equally. And you are important, you matter in this world. You're not alone.
Speaker 2:
Not alone, brothers. No Love will come, sad will go away, mad will you know. Brothers, no Love will come, sad will go away, mad will you know soon.
Speaker 1:
The storm is only here temporary. Yeah, it'll eventually pass.
Speaker 2:
It will, it will. Just be yourself and keep doing you and don't be nobody else. Don't be fake, bro. Yeah, don't try to impress others that don't care about you.
Speaker 1:
Be yourself and find those true friends that really love you man and even if you don't have them or don't know where they're at, just know that, hey, there's people that are meant to be in this world, that are going to be there for you and you're going to find them soon. You will keep it pushing, never give up, no sir, and always, always, love one, each other, one another and respect one another yeah, so thank you, ivan, for being on here.
Speaker 1:
Bro, thank you for opening up and being on this deep episode. I do appreciate you and I I appreciate that you you open up your heart to talk about these hard times that you go through.
Speaker 2:
I'm ready to open up bro.
Speaker 1:
I'm ready to open up and I'm glad. I'm glad that you're here, man, and I'm super, super excited for your next songs to be dropped.
Speaker 2:
Thank you. I'm excited for everything that's about to drop in the next couple months, but if you haven't yet listen to my latest single, valentine, will you Be? Haven't yet listen to my latest single, valentine, will you be my valentine? That's the last song that I uploaded and um new shit will come out. Yes, good shit. And uh, rockstar turtle instagram. Uh, tiktok too as well, rockstar turtle. Yeah, I will be updating those soon and posting more, but uh, yeah, just stay tuned and see what I create absolutely.
Speaker 2:
Thank you guys all for listening and staying tuned remember to catch us every sunday and wednesday and remember to follow uh broke boys on instagram and on tiktok at broke boys underscore ff ivan has one more thing to say, one more thing um, one more thing, guys, I want to shout out to everyone, everyone out there that you know, supported me, you know just stood by my side, and I won't say names because there's a lot of you and, and you know I don't want to make anybody mad, but you know what I just know? All I want to say is I love you guys. Thank you for listening, thank you for giving me advice, thank you for being there and thank you for being you. I'm weird as shit. I'm weird as fuck, but you kind of like, just you know, letting it happen makes me happy because you let me be myself. So, thank you, and I will see you guys soon, and let's make this shit pop.
Speaker 1:
Hell yeah, absolutely, that's right. Thank you, guys. We love you Much. Love Peace, yes, sir.