"One Bathroom, Three Generations" with Laurie Kilmartin

We sit down with writer and comedian Laurie Kilmartin to discuss senior living goals, local government at work, exes ruining albums, Suzanne Somers, Castor Oil, 100 Tampons for Sally Ride, writing on Conan for 11 years, meeting Chrissy Hynde, don't f*ck with the upstairs person, Daniel's puppy Lamy, Kennedy Lobotomies, working in a call center, Planet Claire not getting what it deserved, crying on planes, Laurie's mother passing during COVID, The Pickton Pig Farm Murders, the luxury of a travel blender and Laurie's Special: "Cis Woke Grief Slut"


Website:
lauriekilmartin.com

WWTWH YouTube Channel

Laura Kightlinger
Twitter: @KingKightlinger
Insta: @laurakightlingerlives
Web: laurakightlinger.com

Daniel Webb
Twitter: @thedanielwebb
Insta: @the_danielwebb
Web: thedanielwebb.com

Transcript

0:09

Daniel. We have the projectionist, the fortune cookie writer, the CONAN writer. The the brilliant, the brilliant, amazing comic with a great laugh and a kind soul and son. And she's just a terrific person. We're so lucky to have Laurie Kilmartin here. I can't believe it. Yeah, and we've been trying to get her here, too. Laurie, thank you for being here with us. Thank you. Yeah. How are you? I'm okay. Yeah. What a relaxing home you have. thanks. Was just this area of serenity that even though you have, like, a dog. Yeah. Doesn't exist in my life. We're going. As I say, where we're going Right into senior living. I mean, I used to make there's this place called Rossmore. Where? From where I am from in Walnut Creek. I grew up making fun of it because that's where the old people, I visited my mom's friend who lives there, and this is amazing. Roaming all over the place. You, Help you walk? I mean, it's just incredible. Yeah, well, my great grandmother. Was a she was more 1895 and that she would live forever. So she was in a nursing home in the middle of nowhere, Texas, which was horrifying. This is in the early nineties and stuff, so it was like, legit scary. So she hit like, 100 years old, 98. She made the 98, but I knew her. We were. Just. Seeing all this. And so it really scared me. And then my other grandmother or my grandmother got to a nursing home that was like that party. And there were. No but the. One thing she had, she had a satin like like necklace with a little satin bag. On it. You never gonna guess what's in here. And she pulled it out and it was always salt and pepper. They never give you enough. that's so funny. I thought it was going to be condoms. she'd been stealing it from the invalid. I always bring salt packets with me on the road. that's so funny. It's a good light. My mom can I. Can. I can have, like, chips and salsa, and he's got our own salt shaker. Yes. I do. Yeah. I want my face to be. Yes. You want to salt a bite and somebody else is, you know. yeah. Those few seconds are agony. Because there won't be any left. At the airport restaurant. And they have this, like, chips and salsa. They had whatever they were perfect, resulted in their perfect. And sometimes I'll just stop dead in my tracks wherever I am and just go those chips. No, no. Good. You know, before we were before we started, Lori, you were saying your son, you and your son Atticus, went to a town council meeting or a city council meeting? I mean, is there a town council or a city council meeting? Yeah, and that and he wanted to complain about the bathrooms and the the. Yeah. And it's high school. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. we just went to watch government in action. Done that thing in person. It was. It was really it was cool. And, you know, they had proclamations and they had people, you know, getting their proclamation and like this, some civil engineers were getting a proclamation for how hard they worked on the streets. Yeah. These are like, you know, we all sort of hang out with comics or comedy people. Yeah, like, really charismatic men. And it's like, yeah, there's just a bunch of normal people. Like, my dad was a civil engineer. Like, I was like, That's what your grandpa was more like, You know, and just and that's that actually, you know, there's. Just no real active, like. Normal. Jobs. And every once in a while they get a problem proclamation from the mayor and that probably hangs in their house, you know? It's in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I was saying to like that, you know, when women are, you know, when they get an award, you know, for directing, it's so rare. And then they say, well, you know, this, this is for women everywhere. And my bet is that it isn't really. But if you, if you, if you go into a ladies room and it smells bad and it's dirty, that's a loss for women everywhere. Not so like instant. I listen, I work in a zillion restaurants and have to clean the restrooms. Yeah, it. Actually is humiliating. Yeah. The women's room is a way bigger pigsty. I know. That's so sad. I don't like. That girls, but women. It's like there's paper everywhere. I mean, we do have extra active ities that are happening, but it. I do feel like some people are just, They're rude. It's like someone else's problem. I'll just leave the stamp on and I won't pick it up if it dropped. Or something in the men's room. I got accused of this because of was thing, but it wasn't me on the, you know, the the pull down for diapers or whatever you do that. In the men's room because men have all but it was called the duty station and some men had graffitied it and the duty station and like three. I don't even know what I don't even know what Dukey means. You don't know that? No. You do not. No, No, you do. I do. I. So when. I hear a song like, do it for singing something for the Dukie. I did after the Nookie. sorry. That's all right, Greendale. I did offer the Dukie. The Dukie. I may have heard, like, a bad parody. probably. Yeah. Know. Yeah. I was talking to someone trying to describe it, and I said it like a garment. As they say. It's Dukie Brown To me, that pain's an immediate. All right. That makes me think of like a Southern governor or I. Right. That's your drag queen name. No. No, I went to that. If you're ever on the city council. Okay. All right, All right. would. You ever run for city council? Do either of you feel that connected and civil? I'm too angry when it comes to shit like that. Yeah. I'm a bad messenger. Yeah. Yeah. they'll table it. What I love is like people whenever they're saying they're usually very passionate about it and they're nervous. Yeah. Doing that little thing. And it's like, All right, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Because they can keep going and going. Yeah, yeah. Well, Austin, Texas, that's really the capital there. And it's a small city, so it's real easy to run down. And there's the protesters and like the Wendy Davis, I, I was at the capital fest, I was in the city, and like, you could just tell something was happening. Yeah, there's it's like, very common to run down and see the bullshit up close. She filibustered for like 24 hours. It was I. Wow. Yes, it was this record breaking filibuster. And she, you know, more sneakers and stuff. She was for abortion rights and that whole thing back that was like 26 or 47 and landmark. And then she ran for governor, I don't know, and was defeated because people hate women who speak up. Yeah. but yeah, she and like Cecile Richards, Liz knows that. yeah, Yeah. We forgot to introduce the new baby to look at Lammy. Incredibly like Lammy. I've been calling him. I mean. Well, I mean. Sometimes. Isn't there a rock star named Lemmy Alley in. Yeah. Yeah. When? Who was he using? Hawkwind and Motorhead, is it. Yeah. Punk. Yeah, punk. That's how all that the French version might well skate my brain. That Motorhead. I got you sweet Sweden's music. Like, what are you listening to? Or have you ever been? Yeah, I guess so. I kind of listen to what served to. Me, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Music used to make me act like. Yeah. You laugh. Yeah. Like I did go through a Springsteen phase. It's very intense because they, like there's I noticed that there's certain people that I've dated that they've ruined albums for me, like Tim, you know, the Replacements album. Tim that, you know, when I was I was with someone who broke up with me and I was like, shit, now I can hear that. I feel bad. Yeah. What's that? Sha la la la la la. That song Latino. Who is that Latin? I mean, is that sort of them or. Yes, yes. That song. So we're on a road trip. And my sister once said, you know, when you're in the back, the addiction over with being played. But my parents liked she liked that song and needed to. They played over and over. my. God, Over. Enunciate la t. I was like, It's Lady Gaga. And no one says La di. just sit there and hit that t every time you came in. And I know I got I remember I remember saying. anti-vaxxer. It's like, She just stopped talking. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was like if for 2 seconds longer. I remember going, I was waiting and just waiting in line at the supermarket and that song came on my brown eyed girl. Right. And this one. And it was cuz this, this young Mexican girl said, that's what my, my, you know, boyfriend sings to me. And then, and then it goes, That's everybody's song. Everybody has brown eyes and. The North Carolina Law about the mask. Well it was shot down by some I don't remember the particulars and they're going to try to revamp it. Yeah exclusions. Because. It did. Yes they were. It's illegal to wear a mask in public even if you have a medical. What? But I thought they had a cut out an exemption for members of the KKK. yeah, I think so. God bless America. Okay. I think. Wow. It's technically not. I heard. I attached to the high salary and I know I have. Have you ever thought about because you're an excellent writer? Yeah. I think politics could use some of that, like, clever writing to, like, stir things by or like, redress it officially. Like, there's a, there's a humorous way to get, just like you said, like Lucifer is politics like, because you're active on Twitter? Yeah. But does it totally repel you or is it something that you would ever be interested. In? It totally repels me. Yeah. Thing. I like seeing it on the local level, though. It felt. I felt like it was the least corrupt. Yeah, because. You know, they're. They're so close, you know? They know where they're next door to you. Yeah. Yeah. Security. Yeah. As I like. I don't know, because I feel like there's a there's like, you're not supposed to be a political comedian or trans people are, but. Yeah. Everything. Yeah, well. I don't really talk directly about politics, you know, I can't seem to get a laugh when I do it. I don't know. Maybe my voice changes. I get. Really? You? Yeah. Like I have to follow what gets a laugh? otherwise to have a point of view. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I try to like how in however ways I do it, I try to insert a point of view, but not super. I find that if you, you know, if you're working conservative areas, as long as you don't say certain words and people don't get. Mad, they won't turn. Yeah. Laughs Yeah, they might get suspicious. Ha. Yeah, I think you're welcome. But you're trying to sneak something in. Yeah, Yeah, you know. my God. It's because when Trump first got into office, then everybody's talking about him. And so every comic would say. And you can see the whole audience's body language. Yeah, yeah. It's almost impossible to say anything new or fresh about Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know. And when you say and I I've witnessed the same thing, if you say his name, the crowd just kind of shifts. Yeah, he's ready for whatever. I'm not on either side. I think they're, they're both like grandfathers that I would, you know, try to shuffle off into some, some place. But know I think that Biden is starting to remind me more and more of the general on soap. Do you remember the sitcom soap? I had a crush on Jimmy Bay. God. Okay. That may have just been reactivated. Yeah. that's amazing. Okay. Like everyone else likes got them. But I'm original and special. I like. Jimmy. Yeah. Get over the Scott Baio. Like eighties haircut. I could never get over to Charles in charge. That. Yeah, right, right. Who's the lady from Three's Company? Joyce, The. Joyce DeWitt had their. Yeah. Joyce Scoville had Joyce do his hair. Yeah. And never made him sexy to me. Yeah. Men. Summers, Did you know? No. What? Yeah. Yeah. yeah. Her vagina is still alive, though. yeah, he is. Wow. Yeah. Marriage. Yeah. Here's the. Thing. She was a big health person. Yeah, well, she used to give herself injection, inject injections there. That. Yeah. What were you mean there in her arms. No, in her vagina. yeah. Yeah. What? I guess. Yeah. Just to make a terrarium and to keep things growing. I fucking don't know, actually. But I know. I remember reading that. That she injected herself there. Get that healthy. Then they start going. I know better than Doctor, right? I don't need chemo. I've got these herbs you might need. I have, right? yeah, Yeah. My cousin's in that a little bit. Also dead. But she, years before she died, she had a stroke and she treated herself with castor oil. I was about to bring it. I am obsessed with. Wow. Your hair is beautiful to use on your hair because your hair looks really shiny. You know, I'm. I'm trying it on me. I'm using it on my knees and my shoulders joints. Except joint pain. and then eyebrows and eyelashes. His effort at skin Hair? I got into, like, essential oils, like oil on my face is a thing, but not castor oil. Who's the name? Casey. Edgar. Casey. That name. He was the. He he was a what do you call your psychic. Mystic or. The Edgar Casey He channels. Right? They hired a man to dictate while he channel that he was the help that like, what are the crazy soaps? I can't remember fucking anything today. I thought during the Dr. Bronner's. Yeah. my God. How do you remember that? That's like Edgar Casey. But anyway, that's where my aunt got her cancer recipe. It was like. Wow. You put it in bags and you sleep on it. Yeah, I mean, people have, I don't know, because I did go down the rabbit hole. I after I saw I did after midnight and I saw my neck, I was like, I need to do something. You're so cute. What's after midnight? that's Taylor's show, right? I'm sorry. I forgot. That was so. Good. It was fine. That's something. What the fuck is happening? Can I stop? Can I? And so then I started going down the. You know. I mean, so many women on. Here's the thing. Women don't get a lot of medical answers in in real life medicine, right? So they they're kind of forced to come up with their own shit. I think that kind of legal. Course, you got to cross state lines and then Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So so it's there's always this weirdness, but then it's like because it's not bad. Yeah, I'm just wasting my money. I mean, not a supplement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see what happens. You know, it's so frightening, like how little women are, you know, just in the medical industry. How how little men know about women's bodies or they don't even care. Like, I didn't know that Nassar went, you know, and Sally Ride was an astronaut. They sent her 100 tampons. She was going to be there a week. One week? Yes, one week. And they were. And the tampons. The tampons were strung together like sausage. Yeah. Like sausage links. And she said, she said I'm not going to need this many. And they said yes, just to be safe. How long is it going to be stuck in? A week? I don't know. But I mean, how could they not know about a woman's menstrual cycle and. Afraid that droplets of blood would be. Floating? Yeah. Yeah. we got to stop here. What are we going to do? my God. She's going to flood the place with blood. I, like Nancy. Always got red for mishandling all the tax money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why. Because they're paying all this payload. Wait. Yeah. Again, they had to cancel. They paid a consultant to come up with that figure. Yes. Yeah. Instead of asking a woman, I mean, weren't any of them married or didn't they have, you know, grew up with girls or anything to know like, yeah, I don't know what goes down there. That was the first time a woman's been that close to the moon. In her cycle. my God. my God. What does she do? Yeah, I guess I feel like. You're living with air. You know, it's like you sang an article that day, I might add. It's like, what am I like, down this weird rabbit hole? I feel like, Yeah. Male consultant I was like, it sounds like a guy. Yeah, because that's all there are. Yeah. I want to go to. I want to. I would love to. I would really love to go. Shatner went. He's an idiot. Why can't I go? I go to space base, like, not just up and down. I want to go like. You want to go, like to Mars. I would do. It. I bet by the time you're 70 or 80, that's a viable option. What a way to go. If I don't. Think I know. My Mars, ask me. Yeah, if you if you start a4i1k now I just keep adding to it and it's say don't tap into it till you're 85. That'll be a lot of money. 85. Well at all. Yeah. You mean you can just buy it. You could buy your own rocket. I know, because I feel like that's why. I mean, because you know, the way the ultra rich always buy yachts, you can just buy your. Your space vehicle or whatever. I'm 42, but still trying to be an influencer. So maybe I would see this event where all these influencers came in and went through them were like 15 have like millions of followers. Wow. Yeah. A publicist slash like I quit. Yeah. God. I don't know what. What are they influencing people. On the way? And when they came in the room, they had to get the phone and they had to do the hair. And high. Five and staged the whole thing because then that's how they have to, like, you know, produce their real. yeah. My son's going to take acting in this senior year and he's like, Am I too old? I'm like. No, my God, I have to become a professional. I already. Have fun. Yeah, Yeah. How do you feel. About his interests going into, like, that kind of. Stuff? He wants to be an animator, so, you know. Yeah, I'm working on something now. Laura, you. I'm sorry. You grew up in San Francisco, right? Walnut Creek. But it's an East Bay. Okay, So, yeah, I'm. I guess I'm worried because it feels like I'm coming for it. It's like from health care and changing old people's diapers. I don't know what job it's like. yeah. We want to. We can pitch right now our brainstorming. But I think they said in whatever ten years there's going to be more 65 year olds than ever before. You know. And Martha Stewart referred to it as I think it's called the silver. Surge or. Yeah. But yeah, So I'm trying to think of what do old people need because they're going to be so many old people. Yes. And it is basically diapers. Yeah. Or like, I want to invent the machine that wipes your ass for you. In a way which I guess is just an unemployed comedian. No. No, that's a good idea. Yeah. Yeah, it. Yeah. So that's. I'm worried. Or you could just walk through bad days, right? The spritzers. Great. Like tiptoe through the tulips. But now I'm just like. Yeah, no, but I think I remember, like, my. My friend and I, we went to a party, we were teenagers, and it was the one time it's like the one really rich person in our hometown and I knew what a bad day was, and she didn't know and we were in there. And because why would they have a fountain so close to the to the toilet? And I said, I don't I don't know. I said, Does it taste like regular? Why did you try it? And she tried. And she goes, just like, I don't know. I said, Maybe it's like spring water. And I said, It's a bidet. And she said, You asshole. I would never speak. I was really an asshole. I still am. I don't know. We would go. Look at like houses on the weekend. Yeah, go to open. House. I love. yeah. The hills then drive around. I haven't done that. There's I have like a very weird, like a little tiny like Lockheed Engineers house like that. They built them in the forties. So I know all those, the houses that are my model and everyone's added shit to their house and so I'm constantly hoping they're for sale so I can walk, just walk in and go, Well, what did you do with this wall? It's so inconvenient. Yeah. Look at all the pictures on Zillow and stuff. And I've stolen ideas from them because it's such a weird layout. Can you go up? Can you build a floor up if you want? Yeah, because that's what our neighbor did and allowed us. No, they built an on to the top of their house like because it's a there everything was below you know, like the bedrooms were, which I don't like, I don't like a bedroom under the, under the. Yeah. There's because I feel like I'm going down anyway I want to go up to go to. Yeah. That cartoon where he has an angry neighbor and they do they build a fence and they start to build up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. And they make each other angrier and angrier. And I was watching that recently, and I was like, Man, I'm so old that I like totally understand Donald Duck. I'm like, Nah, I had to fucking size Sykes house first. And that was your view? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We used to go to open houses and that was the first time I saw the day and it was like a not complete house. It was kind of raw. And we were with my grandparents and my dad and stuff. I was like, What is that like. God. yeah. And did they pretend that they were interested in buying or did Not at all. They just say we're here. It was my father's whole game. He just wanted to see houses because that's his passion. We would get lured into it because if it had a second story, it was like a castle. so that was enough fun for us. But when we started ever asking my dad, he said the day, like, I fucking know what that was. Yeah. My grandmother. To illustrate it, squatted on it. She faced the wall, you know, I mean, like there was you sit front on it. I have no idea. On it like, like a horse and showed me like, not with the water, but she's like this is how you do it. And like. You know. Like demonstrate of washing her pussy in front. Wow. Something like that. Yeah. Because then you could flush the toilet. Here. You have to reach behind. Your right. We've all been doing it. There's a whole world about the people who sit on the toilet that way. Yeah, I'm. I'm still. I'm not over your grandmother, not wearing underwear. I'm not going to get over that. Laura. my God. But the other thing is, I've thought before, if you're. If you're on a toilet and you kind of lean back, the back of your clothing touches the top of the lid, which has shit flesh down. Right? You don't I. Maybe you should be. Yeah. Well, I hover anyway. I won't even sit on the toilet. I'm not even our own toilet. No, I know. I like will take all my clothes off and I have to shower afterwards if I come into contact with otherwise disgusting. Yeah, if I'm outside in public, it's just not happening. Yeah. Like people who I take off all my. If I'm on an airplane and I'm about to go into the bathroom to take a piss, I take off every bulky article of clothing that might scrape the wall. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not taking all of you. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to joke about that. About how if you're going to get to go within the first 30 minutes of the flight. yeah. It's. It gets grosser and gross. my God. Yeah. If you go into the, like, the lavatory on an airplane and it's a fucking shit show, and then you look over and there's just flight attendants on their phone. Yeah, yeah, their job to clean air. But I'm like, How can you. Yeah. Okay. So I want to get I don't, I don't know much about like, you and like where you come from. Like, how did you get into comedy? What were your like influences as a kid, like up in Walnut Creek? I mean, I had sort of had a depressive episode and had a complete collapse. When when as a teenager. When I said 19. yeah. And then as I was coming out of it, I was just trying to I don't know, I was just seeing, just doing things right. And so I went to some comedy shows and, I. Dana Carvey was, were I? Yeah. Murderer. And I'm like, How is this possible? Yeah. And I never was like, I'll be as good as, like a lot of people. I saw someone that wasn't that good, and they were working a lot. And I'm like, Maybe. And that person was Jerry Seinfeld. Like, I. Have have a weak opener, so she could come out. Hardcore. When I saw one of her openers, I was like. why don't you just. Look for something? I want to do that. Yeah, totally. That, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was a weak opener and you were like, my God, I can't. Or Yeah, just this week, just in. I just thought pretty average wasn't like I thought Dana Carvey might have been the first live comic. I thought you had to be that good all the time. Yeah. Now I'm like, you don't even have to be funny. Yeah. God, it's so true. That time I was like, If you can't be that good, then you shouldn't do it. And then I kept then I saw more shows and I'm like, okay, yeah. But SNL, Dana Carvey era, right before. Okay, So was like the year before and he was working the punch line and which was in the East Bay and Rooster feathers. The roosters are still open and just, you know, working every couple of weeks at a local club to murdering Lori. Do you have do you have sisters and brothers? I have one sister and she kind of into it to did anybody like kind of help you like who went to the clubs with you or did you just go back to that? wow. Okay. First, I don't remember if it was a secret. I don't remember. Yeah. And then you were influenced by comedians and you just happened to go to a comedy show and you're like, I can do this. I think I. I haven't seen a lot of standup. I remember seeing somebody at UCLA when I was there and I didn't like it, so I was like, I don't like standup. yeah, yeah, yeah. that's so funny. Martin was already like, it was from my childhood, but it he just seemed abnormal, you know? He wasn't like a stand up teenager. So he was a character. Man. So it wasn't like a thing that resonated with me. you're such a brilliant writer. I think people really like. To think so. Like, you know, like, if I was really good, I wouldn't be working now. You are working. You work all the time. I haven't had a job since 2021. And I mean, but you work, you do standup all the time and you've done so many specials. Job Well. You okay. So I think pandemic slash strike really just fucked the whole game up. totally. And I don't know if you'd still be on it. We hadn't had COVID, but you had it. I think you would have done a. Couple more years. I don't think people realize the long lasting effect that and putting out a strike, it's just right. Because then everything turned to the phone and the game changed a little bit. Yeah. And television changed in that moment. So you wrote for CONAN forever? Yeah, like. 11. Years. Yeah. What was that like? I was writing on the television at noon. I don't know. I Tough crowd was the first one I wrote. was that Colin Quinn? Yeah. I like Colin. Yeah. Yeah. And there wasn't a ton of writing on that show. It was. Yeah, but it was, it was like a fun mess. Like, I was so afraid of getting fired, you know, the whole time. This was my first show. And actually, I've been afraid ever since. Every time I. Started. Yeah. Yeah. Other than find out. And then. Now and now that I haven't worked, I'm like, they found out. Ha ha. I'm across. it's funny. But it was so much fun. And if you, if you listen to his podcast, that's kind of how he is all the time. He's, you know, there are normal stresses that come with the job and sometimes you don't get any jokes on and you're like, my God. And yeah, you know, but other than that, it was it wasn't like a political show. Like, it wasn't it there wasn't like a, yeah, there could be like backstabbing or people trying to get to the next run of writer or whatever. And everyone was sort of on the same level on that one. That's awesome. And Mike Sweeney was at my Mike Sweeney was on our show. Are you too? Well, I'm sometimes doing CONAN spots and stuff together. I mean, doing you were doing a show. On his podcast, right? Right. okay. Yeah, I know. We sometimes will have, you know, all the writers lunch and stuff. Like that. Catch up and stuff. He's great. You know, I. When I was there. Yeah. It and then my brain took over and it was great. Yeah. Yeah. Was it, is it hard to write for a show like that when you yourself are working comedian and you're like, you're like, is that a joke? That's good to shut down. Can I keep it? Or what's, what's your jurisdiction like? Because nothing I do on in my act would ever go in a counter monologue or even as a sketch. Although I would love to see CONAN say, look, as a single mom, can I say I've been through. This now it's more training to my brain to think of my work and the way he writes, which is the way he likes jokes. Instead of a punch line to sentences and stuff. Brilliant writer because you really, like, hone in on, like, the craft and the mechanics of him. I love when you posted your transition. yeah. Yeah. He's like that. Like, you really pay attention to that part of writing in a really good comedian, which those two things are always going on. How? Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Good writer who just doesn't know how to, like, also be president or. Yeah, he's not a good performer on stage yet. Yeah. Yeah. What were the moments in, like, CONAN stuff that was like, are you interested in famous people? I'm not a lot. I would mostly hide, but I did. The two requests I made over 11 years were Carol BURNETT Yes. And I started crying when I saw her. a lot of women do. And she's like, she's maybe a little over all the tears. really? Yeah. I was like, This must happen all the time because I was trying to be as cool as possible. But she means so much to a certain segment. Yeah. And so you would burst into tears when you see her? Yeah, either of you got to. Yeah. My dad wrote her fan letters in the Gary Moore days. Wow. And she wrote him back. No. So it was her eighties show called Carol and Company. Yeah. Richard Klein was on it. And I think there's other people. I watched it and he was so excited that I was into whatever that was. It was like he brought me into the his their bedroom. Yeah. And I never saw it under their bed. And he pulled his box out from under the bed and opened it. And there were the letters and the autograph. He wrote her twice and I think she wrote back twice. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. But I would equally. She's from Texas. Well, you know. San Antonio. I remember watching the Carol BURNETT Show with my mother and thinking, I mean, that was, I think the first time that that actors, you know, you know, improvers, whatever broke and it was sincere. Yeah not like SNL when it's every 5 seconds Yeah by and by breaking if you don't know what that means like that, you just crack up to make other people crack, you know. Yeah. there was like a Carol BURNETT reunion in the nineties that was recorded on VHS. You just pull it out and watch it like that. She was so funny. Yeah. And they really tried like they would. They would improv stuff like that. They didn't rehearse because they wanted to crack each other up. Yeah. Have you seen Mama's family playing? Sorry, I love that. The funniest sketch in the world. Because Sara used to come with a bad. Yeah. So every time you send someone Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The velvet gets under your skin. my goodness. When I saw that sketch, I had it. It's our thing. We would play with it. And boy, you can be like, Fuck you. I out the. that's so funny. I loved that sketch. I remember that. Yeah. Every day. I wish I was. Like, yeah, you got to find it. Also, they would do sketches that were, like, 11 minutes long. Yeah. Epic long. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She was incredible. I wanted to meet her. Who is. You? Chrissie Hynde. and she scared me. How come? Why don't you do it? You punch, you. Know, But I had a copy of her latest album, and in a way, it did, didn't. Maybe she had a copy. She signed a copy officially, but I, I when I met her and it was like one of I'm sure again, there's, like, women my age that are like Chrissie Hynde. Yeah. Yeah. And our favorite song is Precious, All of us, right? So I was like, I'm a comic. What's what do I want? Compliments on 1020 year old bits or the new stuff? So I, I pick some songs from her new album. I'm like, I love this song. And she like. No, that's great. Expecting Precious or You? Nebraskan Yeah, yeah, I forgot what it was. It was it simply and or something like that. Yeah. Kid, my only kid is that, is that is called Kid that song. I think it is called Kid. Yeah. I love amazing song. I have a Ghost, a book called Ghost Stories of Texas. Yeah. Driscoll Hotel in Austin. And I think it's Christy Hines that has the as a a ghost story about not knowing which dress to wear. A lady killed herself in the hotel and because her husband was cheating on her. And so she went spend all of his money shopping, went back to the hotel with all of her clothes and then killed herself. my God. I like the best dress. So then they people think that ghost is haunting. I hope that's a crazy mind, as mentioned in the book, because she couldn't tell what dress to wear, so she went to her shower machine. Then one of the dresses in like hard in the closet. Wow. Does Christine wear dresses? I don't think I've. Seen a. Walker. We've seen her. sure. I'll look at. It. no, no, I'm sure. I'm sure it goes through the times as it's out of print. Wow. Yeah. So she signs an album, then she. I guess her handwriting was sloppy to her, so she went, Sorry, this is hard to read or something like that, but. Wow. So those are the only two. And then one time, Dick Van Dike was just hanging out in the green room and he was in in his restroom. He was in the common area. So we all just sort of stood near. Yeah. Do you find taking care of or never? Those are pretty much the ones. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I met Laura and we went out or we we were out of the bar, right by act bar. I can't remember where, but Laura said, Come sit down and have a drink. And so I was sitting down and I remember when I turned around, all my friends had just done that and all of a sudden there they were just like hanging out near Laura. please. I was like, Y'all are even talking to me. thank you. Dick Van Dike is shocking because he's 98. Yeah. Yeah, he. Swims. That makes sense. I want to do that. Yeah, I. Doubt that, but. Ha ha. I want to be hyper. But he's a much younger wife and yeah. Seeing that. So he has a whole Larry King syndrome. Who doesn't though we were talking about. Yeah. A famous old. Yeah. I mean why not. I guess Johnny. Carson was like a he married like he married young. There's always blond and named Joanne, right? yeah. I think to Joe and Joanna. Joanna. And then he hit hit struck a gold with Alex. That was his last. That was the one she was. He saw her when she was jogging in a swimsuit. On the beach. Wow. He's the richest man. Everything. Yeah. Were you, like, a big Carson fan? Is that weird? Was it weird working in late night or was that ever something that you do? And I never that always seemed like a guy's job. Yeah. I should do it. Like, I need a lot of encouragement. Like, you should try this. Yeah. you think I can? And maybe I'll try it like I. It never comes for me. Were there a lot of other women writing on CONAN. When I was there? I was the only one in that later. Yeah. And Leah Krinsky wrote for a while. great. Yeah. And then. Glen my God. Glen Boson. It's weird because Jesse and Glenn both have, like, guys names, so even on that. that's so funny. Yeah. okay. Does that faze you at all? Being the only woman in a writer's room, how many adjustments do you make or do you like? And I think it's probably not that common anymore. I may have been right. When? Just about to end. Yeah. Well, in the right was. Well, Lori is one of the few women who had a writer as a as a writer. She had a writer, so she ordered 100 tampons. And I mean, it. You hang them up. She's because you and Jackie Kazin are always highlighting female comedians. Yeah. Right. And there's always a female which I love. You're always pushing people out there. So I just wonder if that was always something that was like, harder or made the job harder. And I think that even though the goal you're working for Connors and and so like you're writing for them. Yeah it's always it's always better not to be the only thing. Yeah it's, it's just the presence of somebody else. It just takes the heat off you completely. Yeah. So. Yeah. I mean, the more, the more the merrier. You know, you're back on the road or talking right now. Yeah, I. That's how I'm making money now. Yeah. Not enough. Yeah. Yeah. COVID made me think I never wanted to be in a hotel again. Yeah, I thought I would ever get on an airplane and grossed me out. Yeah. And then club was really. I was like, I don't know how I'm ever going to want to be in a room with that many people ever again. Right, right, right. What was that like for you? Because COVID was an intense thing for you. take a lot of precautions now like and I haven't had it yet and I mean yeah, yeah. So I do a lot of Yeah. I'm asked a lot off stage when I'm with people I bring an air purifier and I put it right front center in front of a mic stand. And they do. That socially beyond. Yeah. Really. It's humidifier. you know, I always think about that when you're going on stage, like, can you wipe the mic before the last person. You can't because that would be offensive. Right. And we do separate mikes. okay. Have you ever done that or. I haven't. I guess I don't get that close. Okay. But, you know, sometimes your lips touching, you're like. Yeah, yeah. Strip thing about the feature going, what did you do today? You go over there bits. Off opening at the Jimmy Kimmel Club and feature for Best telling and the manager whatever can get the best is like, Hey, it's our first time just you know any anything you can see consider no shows being the mix. That was like the first thing down. I love it. I'm sorry, bro. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's definitely vercoe, but it's airborne, so it's not you want to get from my. But. Yeah. So I do like nasal spray antiviral. Nasal spray a lot. And I was doing it in the, in your driveway. Yeah. One that makes my head go for a second. And then I'm always like on the lookout. I have a coded list on Twitter. And what is that? Just like a list of people talking about little thing. Like there'll be, like, a little study. Is that a if you put a little bit of Neosporin at the base of your nostril? yeah. Like that's another. It's all. It's all just an extra layer. It can get through it, but I'm. I'm hoping that that plus nasal spray plus boosters. Yeah. Text me, like, right now. And that sound outside is what Laurie brought with her. It's the. It's a hydro powered humidifier that so that when she walks outside, you're not going to she's not going to walk into any like, germs. When I was a cigaret smoker, I used to really think that was my shield. Yeah. Although it was slowly destroying me on the inside of the barrier from everything from the outside. The minute I quit, all of a sudden I have, like, the flu. Yeah, yeah. Like allergies. Now, like, man, it was this dead zone that nothing could survive through. You know, I think if I remember correctly at the beginning, I covered they they said it smokers weren't being affected as badly. Wow. And guess a lot of the lung had already been destroyed. Ha. That people are like, what the hell? Yeah, It's I have a neighbor or the neighbor underneath me. I thought, he's like an animal. You little baby. I know. I hate what's going on with that person, friend. He's away now and. He's a psycho. Yeah, I know. I've heard him before, but not recently. But he's been at animal control all the time. angry young white man, which is, like, the worst. Right? But he also and I can tell there's people who smoke weed, and they want to make themselves cough because it gets you higher. no. And like, Vape especially, is the thing where you inhale magic and you laugh, and that son of a bitch does that make God? So it's really fun to have a new puppy because we're playing like fetch all the time and I got really bad because I downloaded it man coughing. And I have a speaker affordable. I, I was playing a of. I love it. On the floor. Right. Like, I'm like, if you can hear this, I can hear you kind of thing. But then I heard them having sex. yuck. When it sounded like he was about to climax. Then I got the speaker at the brain. It's like he can't come unless he's coughing like fuck. I guess you shouldn't have children. No. And, because COVID at the time made me angry, I used to not be an angry person. Then I am. And then that's when. Cause he really pushed me over the edge. Yeah. I made a playlist on Spotify for something when he was being loud, and it's nothing but like Spice Girls. Tori Amos remixes. and Bjork songs are only with the like Green Man Throat singer and I name the title of the playlist, Bitch. I live upstairs. Nice. Normally Downstairs was going to be the nice one, right? Yeah. Kind of have all the power. Yeah. I don't fuck with the upstairs person. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I really want that guy out, though, just because I don't. I want the dog to be rescued. I want to shake that poor woman to be like you could. Anything is better than this. Like, I'll fight like. Yeah, I mean, you can be alone, too. It's. Yeah. But loneliness is great. Yeah, I sort of. Now I have a puppy. I didn't realize how much I let alone after finishing a painting. Yeah. So close. Anyway, I'm working on a banana staring out while he's eating my socks. what an angel. He is, though. Yeah. yeah. But I want to paint him like a Dalmatian, right? Or a giraffe. Paint a Dalmatian for him. Yeah, I know. yeah, yeah, yeah. I could die down here like that. Yeah. Okay. There's psychos out. There. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot to mention that Lori's a body painter. Well, I'm glad you got her. when you were doing comedy, what else were you doing before? It was paying your bills and stuff. I did telephone sales. yeah, I did that. well, I did AT&T long distance inter. I did had that were you get at it. No, in fact they weren't me to the low sales of the non-English speakers numbers called but they didn't get if you bombed you. Did, you do the fake voice and all that stuff for fake. I had a fake name. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it was like Mary Jo Kennedy. And then I had, I tried to make it through. Yeah, Yeah. That's great. Or. Or Marietta Kennedy. Yeah, it was. Rose Kennedy. Yeah, of course. It's going to be really slow dying. From yet another son's funeral. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was thinking of way the daughter that was lobotomized. What was her name? Rosemary. Yeah. Yeah. Rosemary. Yeah. This is Rosemary Kennedy. He did that behind her back, by the way, of course, with Rosemary. To who? She may have had some sort of, I don't know. Whatever on the spectrum. Right. So she worked her ass off with Rosemary to try to get her to be act acceptable, you know, so she wasn't acting on a public that would make her more isolated because no one want to be near her. Right? Yeah. And then behind Rose's back, Joe just lobotomized Rosemary and turned it. Into a vegetable. it's nothing like as a sibling on the spectrum to cock block on the adultery. That. Yeah. Yes. Wow. She was. Poor. It was it Wisconsin or someplace to see? I thought it was because she was flirting with boys. I honestly did. Like, I thought it was like, well, she's. She's a wild child. Wasn't as spectacular as the other siblings. She wasn't, these major accomplishments, I think in Joe's mind, that added to her inferiority. Why should she need to be medicated? Yeah. How do you justify it? Because he has all these alpha superstar kids, and she just wasn't, I think, in the socializing. Yeah, she had the charisma. Yeah. Okay. Well, and she was, you know, just acting oddly, you know, just something that draws attention. Get rid. Of that. Yeah. The royal family did the same thing. Queen Elizabeth had two cousins that were, something was going. On. Yeah, And they were just to hell. They were just put into, like, an institution. I believe, where she wherever she was institutionally was. He donated a bunch of money, and I think she had, like, her own house on that. I might be speaking out of turn, but like, he gave enough to kind of put her away. Who did? Joe Kennedy. right. And right, right, right. So she's treated, I guess, as well as you could be here, but also. Yeah. Yes, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. I'm I we just watched her. I just watched an interview with RFK Jr's wife. yeah. Cheryl. Yeah. And I'm like, how do you split that atom? Like, how on earth do you when you have kooks for brains? Also, I was just in Huntington Beach, and there's nothing but RFK just everywhere. Like we're so dim. I mean, that when that came out about the the worm in his brain, I was like, now I have to go back and believe the National Enquirer. Is that, totally baffling. Does it? Okay. So you're I'm, like, terrified of the future. And only recently I used to be optimistic about the next, like, 70 years. But, yeah, I'm totally not. Yeah. What is it like being the, like, a mom of a person who's about to enter adulthood? It is scary. I really am worried about, you know, climate collapse. Not just, you know, water wars, all that kind of stuff. Stuff I never would have thought about before. And then, you know, making a living. Housing prices here, nothing. No one seems to be doing anything about how expensive it is to be an American. Yeah. You know, if you got lucky and you got a house with, like, you know, decent interest rates, you're you're okay. But then, like, there are people that are, you know, I look at in my neighborhood and the mortgage they would have to pay to own the piece of shit house that I have. It's like a jaw dropping Wow. How can this keep going. To be a home buyer in this country now, as if you're already a homeowner, the only way you can buy another house. Yes. Yeah. That I just it like to me I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do? And the kids are already on that. You remember envelope stuffing was like, yeah, back in the day, like telemarketing was a good. Yeah. Do nothing kind of a job. Yeah, well, you just kind. Of I was actually pretty hard at it. I, I was covering. I was giving up on people when I came through. Hello. I would just click it off. I thought the karma was too bad. Yeah, but I. Yeah. It never felt good. yeah. Now, does advocates say your generation has fucked everything up for us and the one before. Really? The one before. Yeah, I know. I'm just wondering, like, I'm just thinking, like. Me personally. okay, good. That's good. You've got a great religion. Does he? What is all to a kid right now? Because I'm 42. I'm old to someone who's like. I don't know. His music he listens to is from the nineties. So what Jimmy required. Yeah. Yeah. And he he started listening to the drops. Frank Sinatra. It's I'm like, where are you even hearing this stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, yeah. What were. Yeah. So what concerts did you go, did you ever go to. Concerts. And you go to a lot of. Concerts? He said Bruce Springsteen yeah. It's not Bruce. Once Pretenders B 52 you know, that song ain't In a Shame by the B-52's. It's real sad. No. I think I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well. I like your brand. I like your Chevy Duster. Brand new trailer. shit. I'm going to listen. To your color TV. But you liked that color TV more than. my God, I love it. These are poetry. And. Essentials on a long drive. And I was like, Planet Claire didn't get what it, They're very, like, stellar. Yeah, they're kind of galactic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In addition, I was on a plane, and it came on, and it was one of those, like, I'm looking out the window. I'm tired. I was just coming back home from, like, a gig. Yeah. And I literally was, like, just crying. Yeah. Looked over. It was a small plane. It was a one seat to see. Excuse me. There were just these two businessmen kind of looking. This doesn't look happy, but it is happy. I love to cry on a plane. It's the. The window. Yeah. Yes. Headphones. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And then they start. You are looking that or. Ha ha ha fucking. well, someone's in the, in first class at that point. How it would. Be. I love being in the seat right behind. I'm just crying because I know I can't jump. At. That plane that dropped out of the sky. No place to go. yeah. In Singapore or. Yeah. Yeah. Because they weren't seat belted in. Which I didn't know they are. For an hour. Okay, I know. Which is such a rip off because if they live they can sue the shit out of the airline industry. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And that is my right. your experience with your parents and you talk a lot about their death online and in your act and everything, and you've written books or a book, but I mean, the experience with your mom over Twitter in real time was so compelling and funny. That was the darkest thing in the in the very succinctness of Twitter. You're able to really wrap up these conflicts. What was going on politically in the world? I was gone personally with you and physically with your mom. You weren't able to be in the room with her a lot of the time. Yeah. At the last minute you were able to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you're very. You were very close to your mom, like you're a mama's. Well, I'm a mama's woman, I would guess, because I'm still so close to my mother. It's nuts. Yeah, it's because. Well, well, because it's. I know. Because it's just always been just the two of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my. My mom is this big and loves Trump, but yeah, and then. Trump will ever do plays with me. Yeah, my mom lived with me for four years because I needed help with childcare and my daddy died, and she was. She shouldn't have been alone. In my little. It was a thousand square feet. One bathroom, three generations. Wow. Yeah, that's nice. it was a while. And. And so we were close, but we fought, or, you know, it was. It was a, some mother daughter stuff, for sure. but, yeah, she got COVID. She was diagnosed with it. She went to a skilled nursing facility, hurt her hip or something, and she got it there. And then they took her to Huntington Hospital. And it was a week long from your mom tested positive to she died and. So we were and my sister came down, stayed at the house, and we had my mom on the iPad the whole night for at one point. But I mean, we had her on for like two and a half days straight. Basically, they just didn't turn it off. And they were it was a slow it's like it was just a little bit of a dip. So, the medical staff was able to like, you know, hook her back up if she logged off or something like that. Yeah, all the time. We were just talking at her home and we lobbied pretty hard to get in to visit her and they weren't allowing. Her. So my sister's a psychiatrist. She belongs to a Facebook group of women physicians. She got them to sign this huge letter. And then I was, you know, complaining on Twitter. wow. About never the. Hospital. I'm like. Let us see our. Mom. Yeah. We got in on a Tuesday and got to hang, you know, totally dressed like in beekeeper's outfit, right. And touch your skin. I mean, now, you know, I kind of definitely held her hand that I guess I didn't know that. Yeah. And then, you know, I went back home and realized we'd never see her again. It was really it was a really weird drive back from Pasadena leaving that hospital. she died, I think, on Thursday. So we saw her two days before she died. But I. We were watching as she just stopped breathing. you know, the like, I notice with my dad as they're dying is their power down. You know, they take a breath and then there's like, a long period of time, then they take another one. But it's the periods between the breast start to increase. And so I saw that happen to my mom. I think it's happening. So we were just kind of hanging out, watching and talking and not knowing if she could hear us or anything. And then she stopped. Then there was no next breath. And then we called the, we called the hospital and said, you know, she's well, like we were more aware, maybe they had machines or something, and she stopped breathing. I think she died. And then they came in the room and. can you please take our number down from Twitter? We need to. The whole time that what you just described going on, you were putting it in words and getting it out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. everything you just told me, I sort of had a clue, and because I was basically following it. Yeah, Yeah. As it was happening. Have you ever thought to really put those words somewhere or together because it was such a compelling experience as an outsider, or is it just too personal or something that's like back there? It was really compelling too. Yeah. And I thought you were really nailing it because you're being really funny while being so, so personal and open about something so crazy or so wrong. Yeah, it was weird because I it was in June of 2020, so it was still really new. And I remember that I had read a lot of people talking about losing somebody after they had been lost, you know, And this was, I think, the first time that someone was like walking people through it. Yeah. and, so I don't know it. I mean, I wrote a book about my dad, so I feel like I had a lot of those notes. You know? Laurie. Laurie does Laurie does. Death of family members the way other women, you know, do their kids like, you know, I have to have a second kid so I can get an hour and so reverse. Yeah. Like it was such a like, I can't think of another word besides compelling, but it was so fascinating to be walk through that in real time with you. And June was really early. I did a special in the parking lot of the Rose Bowl in July. my God. After a month ago, like this was still very early in the experience. Probably. Right. And there was no vaccine on the horizon. None of it. We were all just like, is this it forever? That's why I got a puppy. the way I relay it, because I was talking about, like, how mental it was to try and take something that I was like. But it was still so early. Like, only 30,000 people died. Yeah, right, right. Crazy. But I don't know. The reason I ask that is because coming out of COVID and trying to find, like, work and creativity, to me it was really hard to find anything funny and I didn't lose anything. I just lost everything else. But it was like, is any of this funny? And the industry changes. Yeah, I think. How do you stay focused as like a writer? And it's hard right now. Yeah, things are still really. I feel like it's a ghost town. Like it's still so slow. Everything. Yeah. they did are. They are. Yeah. Do you, do you have a writing regiment. Right. Like you ever like, do you do like writing hours now? Are you done now. I was like, Damn, now. I want to so bad. Like, I think about it. I know, I visualize you. I'm like, I get laws in this office from tendency. Yeah. How? Now I've. Laura, I'll show you exactly what I do from 10 to 2. I've been wallpapering. I've been wallpapering. I've. I've found peel and stick wallpaper. So I've been wallpapering the whole effing house. that's not paint. No. See, I've got to look. This is okay. This is. She's going to. This, this was like I love this place. So this was three in the morning last night. There. But you know what? I realized that with it's pale and sticky, if you have, like, this is like. A grass cloth. I can't tell you that. Like, that doesn't match. You ever get that kind of a pattern? You can't really. but that's easy. That's easy. And. God, yeah. You said you're totally right. I go in and out. I mean, I see me better. I actually start. I've got Cheech and Chong gummies. Yeah. yeah. What do you think? I mean, they work, they put me down. I do take a little melatonin, too. Laura, you should. Are the sponsors of your podcast. How bout it? They should be. Okay. You just. You just, you know, we'll let Will let them know You plug them. Make them pay. You know, I mean, you should be. You should. You're using it. So you should be they should be sponsoring you for your podcast. wait a minute. I okay. Trying to chase away money. And. Honestly, like, they make me crazy hungry, but melatonin gives me like, acid. It gives me a terrible dream, right? Yeah, right. I think it gives a lot of people. Have you ever that. my God. Yeah. that was awful. I remember I took it and I had. It was the first time I took it. There was I felt like the window was open and there was a pterodactyl on the windows and the windows. And then I had this thing of like, do I tell someone? Well, they will. They would then it will be in captivity. But what do I do? I had this whole, like fucking conscious, you know, like, what am I going to do about this pterodactyl? I will never, ever take melatonin again. The pterodactyl is going to be like, fa. I don't know. I didn't. I mean, how many dreams do you remember? Melatonin. Yeah, that's true. That a melatonin helps you remember it? I don't know. You know, that's not really. I don't bore people to tell you about it. I remember that. I had a really. I remember. It boring. And I was actually, you. Know, I've got a really boring one. No, I remember telling my psychiatrist that I had a dream and that was really, really gory, that I was running in a field with another person. And at the end of this field there was like a platform and there are people like squatted down and they were like people that were like with hooks taking the backs of people. And then there was like a monster that came in and was like taking their organs out and eating them or like a thing like that and just were screaming, blah, blah, blah all the way down. And my psychiatrist said, Does that bother you? And I said, Not really. Why do you think I'm a horror? I have I've written a. Horror and Joshua Tree sleeping tonight and every night. I will, Laurie I do. I have written I've written a horror film actually, about something horrible that really happened about the Pickton, the Pickton Farm murders. I wrote about. It was awful. The guy just the guy who killed all these women. And in Canada, they have, you know, like endangered indigenous, indigenous. Indigenous. Women and all these really poor, poor people in the outskirts of like Vancouver, I guess. And, and, and you know, and people who were on, you know, drugs and can't get help, you know, and all this and they were killing these women, the sex workers and they they go missing and then nobody looks for missing sex workers because it's you. Yeah. Yeah. And so anyway, the pic Pinkerton's pictures. Robert Pickton. Pickton. Robert Pickton killed somewhere in the neighborhood of 48 women since the eighties and and he and just recently this friend sent me an article that he was like, beaten badly in prison. He might not live, but I was just like, holy God, like. And the thing is, it was on a pig farm. So they would kill the women. And then feed their bodies to a pit. Yeah. my God. And that's why my screenplay's called the food chain. Right? Damn you. Damn you. He got that So much better. No, I call it the food chain, but yeah, Canadian pig, so. Yeah, yeah. And you know, I feel like they kind of brushed it under the rug. It happened in 2010. It happened in Canada. I feel like that. Nobody really knows about it. Wow. So I wrote a horror film about something that is a horror film. Is that why you're hearing. No. Yeah, kind of partly. Well, because pigs are so smart, you know, they're smarter than my cousins, so. The thought. That pigs would eat the. The meat, but not the bone. Well, yeah, they've just how they eventually. Well. Well that's exactly it. They found in some guy was you know, hired to help you know with with the animals on the farm and this it was like a slaughterhouse. And when they were feeding the pigs they found a finger in the pig feed. And so there's a finger in my feed. He runs it. Tell the serial killer, Hey, there's a finger in. my God. Fatal. Yeah. Well, I don't know exactly. I think he went to the police or something. You'll never believe that. I know. my God. You'll never believe this. Yeah, Yeah, exactly. I'm always. I'm obsessed with that horrible moment. You realize that you're facing the murderer. You mean. Where? like, yeah, I can't imagine that fucking. We just watched this whole thing we fell asleep to. It's called the Erie. The Lake Erie murders, which we thought was just one girl, but there's a whole series of shit. That's where I was born. Woke up. It was still on. In Erie, Pennsylvania. Named Shannan, who was missing or something. Wow. All that. It's like, I don't know. I'm. I'm obsessed with the anatomy of, like, a murder. Just the the moment when you when you when you agreed to help Ted Bundy in the van. Yeah. I had that feeling. Yeah. Our friend Chris Cushing was was on the podcast. He's friends with Debbie Harry, and she believes that she was picked up by him on Broome Street or whatever in Manhattan and, and she rolled out of his car at some point she just jumped out of his car because she realized, like, this is this guy's. He took the locks off. So you couldn't you kind of yeah. Yeah, yeah. So she had to like jump out of the car. Who was the guy or Robert Rodriguez? Now that's the director. Who is the. Guy on the Night Stalker? That Ramirez. Yeah. Richard Ramirez. All about that. yes. He was in. my God. Yeah, He was really sexy. He got of piercing horns. Yeah, he could have been, like, a regular, famous person. Totally. And killed. Yeah. And not the guy. Yeah. Yeah. Let's admit, you have to have a certain amount of charm and a certain amount of magnetism to be a serial killer. But I guess. There's lots of people who got away. Are people. People? I go, There's a lot of people who he would like release. Yeah. And what did they do to get Really? Exactly. That's the whole mystique because they live with that. They started talking about their dreams and then that I guess, is so goddamn boring. Go, go, go. So where are you playing next? Where can people find you? Ooh, I have a nice little ride coming up next weekend. May 31st, I will be in Burlington. nice. Fantastic. I'll be at the helium in Portland. And June 7th and eight, they'll be the laughing tap in Milwaukee. Wow. And, Laurie, do you. Do you? When you arrive at a place, do you rent a car and drive around or I mean, are you good at finding places and all that stuff look like. You like it? When the week's were longer in the nineties and yeah Thursday through. Yeah. Some of our Tuesday through Sunday like I remember you just died right Yeah. Now I just know I bring a lot of stuff now I just got a portable blender again. Here's another product I'm going to recommend for No compensation danger next a portable I have. It's incredible. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I bring like that. Yeah, because I be well, yes. I bring my own. Fruit and. All I get that I get milk at the airport. Okay. Yeah, I did it. If I'm connecting I get it at the connecting because you'll be coming too late to get it right. And then I arrive at the hotel about my ingredients and I have a smoothie, and it's like heaven. the one time I won't use it if I need the sink to be out of the bathroom. And you didn't know. right to do that. I can't get it. But yeah, I started bringing. Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it in the shower? I can. No, I can't. I. Okay. What about the ice machine? well, if I'm going to get that because I want it to be from, like, a Really? I wanted What else can we fuck for you? You have your podcast? I have a podcast called a Jackie and Laurie Show with Jackie Station, and I have a special called Woke Grief. Slept Nice out in January and it's streaming a lot of places. It's great. I saw little pieces of it. I saw like a little ads for it. Yeah. So good, so funny. It's free on TV. It's free on United Airlines right now. Yeah, Prime it's free. And then I think you might have to pay, like $5 on YouTube or Apple Tv+ or something like that. But it's it's it's coming. Dynamics shows it everywhere. All of it's all good nationally. You can watch it on Vimeo. It it'll be the smartest $5 you ever spent. I mean, hey. Laurie, you're awesome. Thanks so much. I'm so glad we saw you back.