016 - Turning 25 and Seeking First His Kingdom

In this reflective episode, the host delves into the transitions and realizations surrounding her final weeks as a 24-year-old. Amidst the hectic demands of grad school and escalating responsibilities at work, she shares an intimate catch-up on recent life challenges and the profound spiritual journey she’s navigating. As she approaches her 25th birthday, the discussion turns to the pressures of attaining societal milestones and the importance of aligning with God's purpose, emphasizing the value of spiritual fulfillment over worldly achievements.

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Transcript

Sena: 0:01

Hey friend, welcome to send us space where cares, meets light. In husband. More than a minute since I last talked to you guys. I believe my last episode was published on March 30th. That's what they up to good Friday. So I know we have good Friday and Easter Monday. an Easter Sunday. So would that make Saturday like Easter Saturday? Anyways, very random thought, but. I hope you have been keeping well. Spiritually physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically. All the LEAs, you know, I hope you've been great. On my end. Life life go hectic. You know, I feel like. Life is one of those things we never really, see. Do's chaotic moments coming. Your dad one day. Arresting having fun. And then the next day. You realize that, oh, shoot. The next month, the next few months are going to be quite intense and then you just have to do, or you have to do to get through them. While not burning out. I will say that I, I was quite Bentel. These last. Few weeks. And. While I have been. Heads down with work with school, everything was kind of Dior on the same time. Finals was, do you, uh, well, my finals are mostly projects cause of my final year of grad school. So that was intense. Just trying to get all those things out and then obviously there's more responsibility at work. And so then, you know, Higher expectations for everything, the quality of your work, your level of independence to, do the work assigned to you and to also take on. More in also to assist those who are new to the team. So it's, it's been a lot, it's been intense. I've had many in fact uncountable. These were. I was in the office till like nine. or, I was working from home. Quite. Li, you know, even in to the early morning hours of the next day, and then just having to be up. a few hours later and just kind of continue in that grind and trying to balance that also with the demands from grad school. it has not been easy. But there's one thing I'm grateful for it stuck. I have And he always helps me, you know, No matter how tough, no matter how chaotic, no matter how intense. Things seem to get, I can always rely on the fact that. God's got me and he's going to help me through it. Today's episode is mostly to serve as a form of catch-up kind of just updating you on the, what. Life has been like. In the last, uh, few weeks, which I feel like I already did already. So I can kind of just end this episode here and call it a day. Because it's. Doesn't make as much lighter, you know? The semester is over, um, the hard grind for the audit I was doing. And then some nonstop in the transition process, for the new project that I'm going to be working on. I have about four, four solid weeks. Um, to kind of work, work on things and have things in a good place. Cause I'm going to be out. Um, the whole birthday week, no work. So while those things are technically not due until after that time, I do have to get my stuff in, um, the week before so that I can take my vacation. And then when I come back, I'm rolling off on two. another project. I'm just trusting God to, to help me through it and to keep giving me. that, that wisdom and that excellence, that every time I produce my work, there is a level of quality. And there was a level of depth and that, that. That is talked about, and that is not common in the delivery of other people's work. And so just always praying for that. Grace always praying for his hand and his finger upon my life. And, asking that. Even through little things like documents that I submit that his glory was. So find a way to shine through that effortlessly because at the end of the day, he is the one helping me. He is the one ultimately lifting me anyway. And so he does ups to take all the glory. So, yeah. would that have been said, let's, let's talk a little bit more. This is probably gonna just hit 15 minutes, max. So. I don't know. I feel like I always see that in it. It's never quite that. So. hold me to account on that. So. Um, Eight, what was I coming to see you? Okay. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. I'm literally living. My last few weeks as a 24 year old. Well, they, most of my friend groups. I'm the only one who's yet to turn 25. With the exception of. People like sharks, shallow T sharks. Um, that's one of my really good friends. She's like the baby of us all So she's quite far from 25. But. Within, um, most of my little friend groups within the broader friend groups that I have, I'm the one who was sort of. Left to turn 25. And I've been teasing. Most of my friends. And saying that they are pushing 30, which is something that my other friend who is just a year younger than me has been teasing me about He's always saying, well, you're pushing 30. So, with Kelsey Conwell and everyone there just been saying, oh my God, I can't believe you guys have literally crossed the 25 mark. You you're pushing 30. You know, and they've been saying to me, June is not that very far away. It's, it's going to come quicker than you think. And lo and behold, it's May 22nd as I record this. And. My birthday is June 24th. So you do the math. It's just a little more than 30 days the last six months of last year was really me just freaking out about the fact that I was 10 and 25 and I felt like I didn't have. Anything to show for it. and I think most of that king from. being a type a. person and just being, highly caloric. The Lord has been working on me fio fio few of you basically means more small in my Ghanian. so the Lord has been working on me. In that aspect and pruning and shaping me. Into the personality that. looks more and more like him. But in handling that ambitious side of me, that, from a very young age, I've always taught myself to just be at a certain point by the year 2024. I served 20 15, 20 16. My goal. My plan was to have my PhD at the end of 2024. That was just one of the things that I sat down. I did the math. I'm like, okay. I'm in community college now. If I can finish by this time I transferred to a four year do that. You know, do a master's maybe, or go into, straight into a PhD program. I 2024, I should be done. It's going to be glorious. It's going to be awesome. But here we are. And as life would have it, I wouldn't even have my masters before 25. I could have, I could have done that, but I would have meant taking some classes over the last two years. And. I, I honestly didn't, I didn't even have the mental bandwidth to do that, not to toggle financially. And so instead of graduating, this may I have to graduate come December. So that's one. You know, one semester later. And obviously after I tend to NT five, And so I feel like once I turned 24 last year, and I kind of felt like the timeline that it has sets. For my academic life. my professional career life was sort of no heading in the direction that I thought it would. I felt like I hadn't achieved anything. I felt like. I was basically just not. Day yet you. I felt like I wasn't quite there and I didn't know what it was specifically. I mean, I knew a few of the things I click here, PhD and all that, but. I kind of still feel like something was majorly missing. Like I was missing. Some so off. Take on the box to say that, okay, this is the big thing that I did. We fly 10 25. I always wanted to write a book, be 5, 10 25 and have written. but I'm just not confident enough to, to publish them because I feel like, well, what if there was a mistake? What if I have to study more to put this out? What am I going to put this out there? And they come in disguise myself and go, do you know what if, what if, what if. Whatever. And so needless to say that book is not going to see the light of day. Before my. But the plan was to launch it on my 25th by day. But it's D it's just not going to happen. And that's okay. Right. But I just had all these dreams from a very young age. I've been that typical leader. Always involved, always leading something in school. I just always finding myself in positions where I make an impact in positions where, you know, I primarily influence decisions that are made. I've always had that tenacity. To be in setting rooms and to have relationships with certain people, AKA stakeholder. Kind of, relationships. And I think I'm definitely not going to make the 15 minute. My, because what I actually planned to talk about in this episode is not what I'm talking about right now. I plan to talk about the fact that. I had missed a newsletter day and it's a whole thing. Enemy's probably going to be the next episode, but I don't know why the Lord is leading me in this direction, because this was not the plan at all. When I sat down. Anyway. So as I was saying in the first six months, I'm tired at 10 24. I was really in that place of trying to assess my life and reflect and kind of see. What have you done with these 24 years that God has given you? Not just from the spiritual and ministry angle. Because I think. That I was quite. happy that I finally started to let the Lord actually do through me, what he has always wanted to do through me. You know, I have started a podcast finally out to like talking about it for five years. has started Putting things in place to get back into writing. And do you know, I have studied setting up the website and things like that. And so things were, things were looking quite good. But on the career and the economic fronds, I was quite. Honestly wallowing and the police have feeling not enough. And the place of feeling like I had not done enough. And. I cannot make wise. Of course there was the point that, okay. I'm clearly not going to have my PhD before I attend 25. And it's not even PAG. They must've said the muscle's not even happening. So. I had his bag. Go happy. And as you sit here. it cussed it long ago. It's not something that. I even desire to do anymore. And it's interesting because even that's my desire to pursue that degree had died down slowly over the last. Four years or so. I was still. putting myself through unnecessary. worry. Because I had no achieve that thing. And it's like, okay, that doesn't even make sense if you don't even want to do this thing anymore. And why didn't I use sad that you have not accomplished it, but you know, that. That overachiever part of me just likes to have. These links to see, okay, I take the box. Okay. I did this thing. Okay. I have this thing. Okay. I did this thing and, you know, look, look at what I accomplished. And it was slowly bringing me to the point of realizing that. I truly somehow feel and think that. My life is in my hands. Oh, that's when God was. Crypting the intricate details of my life. Somehow I was dead and I was being consulted. On how I wanted each phase and each seizing and each year of that, like to go and how it should look like. But the reality of it is that before I even knew myself, God had already. Planned everything. And so in these last six months, As I have pushed my 25th bed, they, I was telling my, my big says my cousin, Mimi, actually just a few days ago that I feel like the Lord has been. And I just realized I've been throwing your name out there. Anyways. I'll selling. my baker says that. I felt like in this last six months, as I'm heading towards my train to Fitbit, they, that the Lord has been showing me. Each of the, memorable years of my life. The mistakes that I made and the lessons that I should have taken from those things that he's really just been opening my eyes. And I was sending her that I feel like I have grown and matured so much. In these last six months and it's just like, we it's, like, I went to bed. Dumb. And then I just woke up the next day, just filled with all this wisdom and all these. And I'm just like, oh my God. Like. I'm growing up, you know? And. I don't know about my fellow 20 fivers. You know, those are people who tend to any five. I don't know about y'all, but. up until these last few months of this year. I have not felt my age. I have felt much, much younger than my age. It's like, okay, how am I 24? How, how in God's name am I about to 10 25? Like, it's something that I can not believe with something that I cannot process. Like how was it coming so quickly? Because to me, it feels like I can barely even remember what I was doing. That 20. I feel like there's still so much to learn before that big age of 25, but the Lord was making me realize that he knew what 25 years. It's a grant. It's it's huge. You're older and all that. But one Martez is not, that you attained your PhD all day. Yeah. Attained your master's before that age. What matters is that. You're actually finding your purpose. Or that you have found your purpose by that time. And I remember. The someone by AGS that's opposite. So my way, he basically said that. By the age of 25, you should be born again. You should be filled with the holy spirit. You should know your peppers and your assignments on this earth, and you should have been done. To walk in that. And I think that they, I had that thing it's it's when, like it began to really renew my mind of like, okay, so my 25, and this is not that by force my 25, you need to kind of know the direction and all those things, right. But it kind of makes you realize that some of the things that we are choosing in life, actually, not that important is actually much more important things. There's a whole generation of people that are waiting for me to get up and do that, which the Lord has told me to do. There's a whole generation. A whole group of people who are waiting, crying. Uh, who are going through things because I have no yet started to walk in the dimension that the Lord has called me to walk in. Even at this age. And so I began to think like, okay, PhD or they want to do it anymore. Izzy, we need a big deal. Like, okay. Maybe I don't have that gene job yet. And, you know, Even that gene job, it's not something that I just had to jump into and I have to go to stages. I have to, to go through the stages to actually be equipped for that gene job. And I think that's one of the things with our generation where we are rushing and we are struggling. We want to get to the end of the line where we buy. And my seat is but we don't want to go through the stages. I actually equips us to getting to that point where we can have the financial independence to be able to make some of those. Purchases And codes that we so desire. We are so filled with the end goal. That we forget that there's a process that we have to go through to get to that and go. We are also filled with, oh my God. You know, for, for most guys, it's like, okay, by 30, I have to get made and how to make money in all this. And each day we are consumed with the thought of, oh God, give me a business. I did, I'll make me a million. Tomorrow, but like, no, I don't work like that for some in mind. But if we're going to be honest and realistic, that's not the path for everybody. And so as I'm approaching this 20 foot bed, I'm going in with a renewed mindset. And I'm going in with the fact that, you know what I am, where I am, because this is where it goes. So desires for me to be. I strongly believe that I am in the center of his will. And, My desires. Add that the mind desires, but ultimately what matters is that? I desire what the Lord desires for me. just, last week when I was driving to you office, very randomly. The Holy Spirit said to me, the opinion and the desire of a mature believer is irrelevant where the will of God. Is Claire. And I said, wait a minute now, what does that mean? And again, in conversation with my big SIS. These past few days. It began to become clear that. The will of God. Is for me to first seek his kingdom is for me to fish cheese upside. The things of Him is for me to first desire and hunger for a relationship with Him. And not getting the masters before 25 and not getting the PhD before 25, if I could do those things. Yeah. Great. For those who have done it. Great. Awesome. I said, Lou, you, I applaud you. But that is not a part for everybody. And so I just want to, you know, speak to us. Cause I knew that many people listening to this. Uh, around, you know, that, that age or we are all kind of feeling like we've not accomplished things or we are we're under achieving. And I just want to bring you to this point that. Well, taking that education boxes. Great. Well, To conduct Herriot books is great. What is greatest? It's actually, you're standing with the Lord. And I'm not just talking about you, like you born again and all that. Cause you can be born again. But your mindset can still be in a very bad place. That knee needs to be heavily. Renewed and transformed. And so my call to myself first and then to you guys, is that. Even as we cause some of these major milestones in our lives, even as we cross. You know, the age of 25 as we approach it as, as we push 30, 40, 50, whatever it is primarily, our focus should remain. On seeking the kingdom Each day we wake up and it's like, God, what do you need me to do today? Does this kryptonite desire that I still love it. I remember exactly where it is. But he basically says that each day, the Lord wakes me up to do his rule. He wakes me up to tell me what I need to accomplish for the day. And so these days I wake up and I asked the Lord, Lord, what did, what is it that I need to do in this day? I know there's the routine I have to do schoolwork. I have to, you know, do. my, my work where But ultimately it's like, God, what do I actually need to accomplish in this day? And once I began to kind of renew my mind in that way and seeing that yes, while there are routines that are set out for each day, That you go to where he go to lectures, you do all these things. Ultimately. What matters is that each day. You're doing that, which the Lord has specifically asked you to. And to some, it may look like today. I want you to spend an hour in the worship with me. No speaking in tongues, Just sit in there. Just. Basking in my presence and just singing to me. To another, it may look like I want you to start spending five minutes with me daily at this time. So I'm not, I may look like I want you to start waking up at midnight. Everyday praying to another. It may be that I want you to join. does Bible study group to another. It may look very different and, and I'll show what do you for me personally? What it has looked like for me. In the second half of my 24th. Is. The steady of the word. and I've slacked a little bit, but I'm getting back. I wasn't in the Bible, in the edge Lynch and. It was going very gray. And then I had to take a little break. And then coming back now, the Lord to me, your machine too much. You're rushing through my wet. I don't want you to rush through my wet. And I'm like, well, I do, I do want to get through it. And they, yeah, because I feel like I always start and I never finished. And if y'all calling me to study your word more, like how I want to get a he's like, yeah, I want you to study it. I don't want you to zoom through it. And so now. What he's asking me to do is to take the next three years. To study the wet. And so for the next few years, even if I don't get that PhD, which leaves me on is I ain't doing no PhD. Um, You know, I am getting my master's degree by the end of the year. in the next two years, I'm likely going to be promoted at work. those things? I kind of asserting that. Okay. Work is still going to be going on degrees with I've been back since vacations would have been attained, life would be going on as a should. Friends would be made. You know, those little things would have been done. But for the next few years, I know I have an assignment. And then assignments is to steady the word. At top tier a day, there's like a three-year plan, a chapter a day, whatever it takes to get there. And to not just steady it because it's an assignment, but to steady it because I truly have a hunger. To know God. And because now instead of chasing degrees and, you know, career advancement. No. My mindset has changed. My heart has been transformed to now face a different direction, the right direction. When now I prioritize. Seeking Fez, the kingdom of God. And so friend, I pray for you today. Quite understand or remember half the things I said in this episode and probably was all over the place. It was never my intention to evening spew. Any of these was, I said, I feel like I've even overshared in this episode. But I prayed for you today. And my prayer is simple. That you will come to a place. Where you mature so much in the Lord. They your desires, your opinions, your own plans for your life. Become a relevance. The moment he makes his wheel clear for you. I pray for you that you will remain in the center of his will for your life. That you will seek first, the kingdom of God. Because the word gives us an assurance that once we do that, all other things, everything else that we need. We'll be added onto us. And I know that sometimes life can get tough sometimes for us 25 layers. It may look like other people have gone far beyond that, because now you're beginning to look at your classmates and all that. And you're kind of seeing how far everyone else is going and thinking. God, this one is married. This one had the baby. this one that there is, and this one did that. This one is an influenza. This one is going to Thailand and Dubai every three days. But if you could just sit with your solvent, sit with the Lord and just study the word and begin to dissect that, which he's called you to do in your own life. And just kind of remove the glances that you have towards other people. I promise you. That's going to be worth it because through that lens that is focused solely on God. And through that desire to just seek him and seek him alone, not for the things that you would get. But because you want to grow that, that relationship with him. I promise you, you're going to see a change in your life and that promise you. All of these other things, the lack of a PhD, the lack of a master's degree, the lack of a job, that lack of a promotion. All these things suddenly begin to become very little. Because now you have caught a dimension of God. That shows you a fullness. And the things that really matter in life. I pray that you have blessed. that you were a main light. In this world of so much darkness. And I hope to see you. On the next one. I love you.