Bullets 2 Bedpans
EP:15 Kaitlin Colgate on Shattering Gender Barriers in Firefighting
Meet Kaitlin Colgate, a former firefighter whose unassuming five-foot-one stature and polished looks might lead you to underestimate her. But as you'll hear in our conversation, Kaitlin's journey through the intense, heat-filled world of firefighting is a tale of grit, resilience, and breaking the barriers of gender bias.
Join us to celebrate the strength and courage of women like Kaitlin, who prove that bravery has no gender and that every stereotype is just another challenge waiting to be extinguished.
Nurses and Medics: This is your platform! We want to hear your stories of the good, the bad and the ugly. Send us an email at cominghomewell@gmail.com
Do you know a health worker that needs a laugh?
B2B N.F.L.T.G. Certificate click here
Get the ammo you need to seize your day at Soldier Girl Coffee Use Code CHW10 for a 10% off at checkout!
Special Thanks to
Artwork: Joe Weber @joeweber_tattoos
Intro/Outro/Disclaimer Credits:
Pam Barragan Host of 2200TAPS Podcast
"Racer" by Infraction https://bit.ly/41HlWTk
Music promoted by Inaudio: ...
Meet Kaitlin Colgate, a former firefighter whose unassuming five-foot-one stature and polished looks might lead you to underestimate her. But as you'll hear in our conversation, Kaitlin's journey through the intense, heat-filled world of firefighting is a tale of grit, resilience, and breaking the barriers of gender bias.
Join us to celebrate the strength and courage of women like Kaitlin, who prove that bravery has no gender and that every stereotype is just another challenge waiting to be extinguished.
Nurses and Medics: This is your platform! We want to hear your stories of the good, the bad and the ugly. Send us an email at cominghomewell@gmail.com
Do you know a health worker that needs a laugh?
B2B N.F.L.T.G. Certificate click here
Get the ammo you need to seize your day at Soldier Girl Coffee Use Code CHW10 for a 10% off at checkout!
Special Thanks to
Artwork: Joe Weber @joeweber_tattoos
Intro/Outro/Disclaimer Credits:
Pam Barragan Host of 2200TAPS Podcast
"Racer" by Infraction https://bit.ly/41HlWTk
Music promoted by Inaudio: ...
Let's roll.
Speaker 2:Let's roll it's bullish to bad pans and detoxing them. Zia Back, Hello, hello, hello.
Speaker 1:And tired, a little tired. Thank goodness we've got a hot cup of caffeine to wake us up, get us rolling. Who do we have with us today?
Speaker 2:You wanna know, we I found. I found her on the golf course. So a long time ago, a couple months ago, I was out helping do a little veteran event and it was a golfing event and I looked over and I see this house and I'm like, hey, that's a really cool house, Like I love the color. It was like don't nobody hit it. Oh, it already been hit. By that point they already had a hole in the window. Yeah, shit. And and so I don't know, they're like, oh, that's a veteran's house. So I was like, oh, that's cool.
Speaker 2:And you know, just all talking, and and the next thing, you know, they came over because one of the girls that I was there with new her, with friends, with her, and so they came over and they introduced me and so I hear, oh, this is Caitlin Colgate. And I'm like, oh, cool, Nice to meet you. And we're all talking, and as we're talking, I'm looking at this five foot one, very pretty perfect makeup If anybody knows me, I can't do makeup to say my life like on point person and she says, oh, I was a firefighter and I was like what?
Speaker 1:Had you pegged for the key spouse? I had her pegged as a cheerleader.
Speaker 2:So this is Caitlin Colgate. She is a. She lived in Florida, she was a firefighter for years and then they moved here to Texas for husbands of veteran and we're going to get into what they do now. But what caught my attention was when I think firefighter and female and I'm going to be honest, it's going to be very stereotypical I think of some beast, of a lady that I would not fuck with and I'd be like, oh yeah, you go get them.
Speaker 2:And so when I see somebody that's shorter than me and I'm short and petite and really pretty and seriously was like, oh, that was the cheerleader in high school and she says I was a firefighter, I'm like, oh, we need to talk, because really the big focus is she is in a male dominated world. We were in male dominated world, right, can understand and appreciate that we built a layer around us, right, that we had to kind of that protective layer, right, and it changes us, right. And so when I see her and when you hear her business which she'll tell about in a little bit but when I see her, I'm like how did you retain yourself? How did you stay feminine and soft and kind and you know? So that's what caught my attention. So hello, caitlin.
Speaker 3:Thank you for having me with your beautiful curls and that's not funny that you mentioned, like how do you stay feminine because in my makeup, like I would go almost every day to work and have a full face of makeup on my hair, dying, you know I mean to an extent of what you can.
Speaker 2:Right, you have to have it up, like us.
Speaker 3:But I would get trapped for it. I mean I would get shit from it from my superior, because, especially when I first got hired after a few years, I like, oh, that's just Caitlin. But in the very beginning it was like, oh, who is this chick and what is she thinks she's going to do?
Speaker 2:Well you, how did this all start Like, I mean, you're not exactly old, I'll get into that, let's start from the beginning. Right.
Speaker 3:I actually went through EMT school when I was 17. My mom had to like sign up for information slaves and the county has to they had. It was the first time they'd had somebody under 17 or under 18. So they had to have like my mom sign off that she could like do clinicals and she could ride the sacrifice truck and I it was I pretty much a rebellion career, and I say that because I was on track.
Speaker 3:I had I had a track to go to a really really great college when I had two congressional. You know they were really designed letters so I could go to like a military academy, like whatever I wanted to do. I had it my fingertips and I think I just wanted to do whatever my like, whatever office of my family wanted me to do and I said that was love and I said that was great stuff. But I was like I don't want to, I want to do something different. And I was dating a firefighter at the time and I was like this seems fine and this seems completely opposite of anything they want to do.
Speaker 2:A little rebellious. We don't know anybody like that. No.
Speaker 3:And then what really like shrugged the bell to like actually do it is. I had someone in my life that I really looked up to. I mean anything that he advised me to do I would do. Anything that he did I would do. And he said you'll never make it as a firefighter, Like you'll never go through the academy. So I was. I was a cheerleader, I was in this forest, like I did not run until, like the academy I was not that. I read your like what the idea you have with me when you look at me? That is what you were that.
Speaker 2:You were the cheerleader.
Speaker 3:He said you'll never make it as a firefighter. And I have this thing inside of me. I don't know what it is, but you tell me okay, do something. I'm going to do it.
Speaker 1:It's called grit girl, right, that's called grit, that's right.
Speaker 3:Like six months so after I graduated high school. I graduated early with my EMP and I showed, I asked the department, the station that I was stationed at we could go go buy and see him and I thought it would be like a very proud moment where he would be like, wow, you defied the odds, that he was almost mad that I did it.
Speaker 2:And this was your boyfriend, or this was no, no, no.
Speaker 3:This was an instructor that I had at my high school.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah and so, oh yeah, the boyfriends like that and over. That was like a very quick, you know a flash in the pan. Boyfriend thing and but this is a structure I really looked up to you, like anything he said I would do it. He was helping me really shape my career, whether they're going to be like go to college, go to med school, go to, you know, go to a military academy, whatever I wanted. He was like this is your, your route with education.
Speaker 2:This is what you're really good at this is what you should stay at.
Speaker 3:And he said I couldn't do it, and so I did. And then Caitlin said hold my beer about that often now is like why, what made you become this or what made you do this? And it's awesome, like like someone saying you can't do it and I and that was like that was 11 years ago and I still like remember to the day where I was standing when he looked at me and said that Did, did you have to?
Speaker 2:so you went through and did the EMT. But you, you had told me because I said, oh, I said you were an EMT in the firehouse. You're like, yes, but I actually also had to do the whole firefighter thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I went to EMT school because they would pay for it. I'm in high school and then I graduated, and then that next that was December graduated, and then that next spring I went to the fire academy and what was that like? That's why I learned to run.
Speaker 2:I learned. I learned to run like that.
Speaker 3:When I say I was not athletic, but I did, I mean I wasn't like overweight, like I could do things. I was not like I'm not athletic, I am not coordinated. Okay, I'm five one, all right, like there, you can work out as much as you want. You're only going to get so strong. That was the academy and that was, I would say, one of the hardest things that I've ever done in my life, like and mentally for the hardest things that I've ever done. And it was just this.
Speaker 3:And they had the instructors were all I think we had one female instructor maybe, and I was volunteering at the fire department, so they would take, or I mean pay for this, and so I would get off at school and I would go straight to a station and, you know, work, my volunteer hours, uh, singly, the hardest thing I've ever done, partly because I already had the stigma of what they, what they saw, and they looked at me and I had to outwork, I had to outwork everybody. And we had two other girls in our fire academy class and I would watch them, like take it easy on them, like, okay, we're doing pushups, they could do girl pushups or assisted pushups, that's the term. Um, I don't think. No, I'm not, I don't want to be that person, I don't want to be that, you know. Okay, well, she doesn't have to run the extra mile I was determined to. We had two Marines that were like squad leaders, that's, and I. I was a run because I was not going to, you know, be too far behind them.
Speaker 1:You do want to look like a joke.
Speaker 3:I mean, they were better than we're looking for, like early S timeframe, like they were in shape.
Speaker 2:And you're, you're only, I mean five foot one. So you're, you're already a height challenge by itself, yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, and then I think, once I like I think the academy is like 21 weeks or something like that. It's not like it is Monday through Friday and then some Saturday, so it's just. It's just. I mean, you're there every day and it's a combination of bookwork and physical work, like you can. Just the guys that come in and think they're just going to be physically fit and run through the academy is there, don't do the bookwork and they're not going to, they're going to fail too.
Speaker 3:And besides, versus after a few weeks of like really cruising that, okay, I, I deserve to be here, like I didn't just pass the test. I felt the test, I deserve to be here and I'm going to work for it. Then I had instructors say, okay, like obviously your height is a challenge. It is like you have to carry ladders and you have to. You have to learn how to throw ladders off of you know, throw ladders onto buildings and things like that. They finally said it'll work with me then, but it took probably a month or so before they really took me seriously.
Speaker 2:You had to prove yourself first, like well, I mean to me, other guys it has to do that, 100%.
Speaker 3:guys did not have to do that.
Speaker 2:Now no, um, did you? So it's into bias, right, I find bias very interesting, thanks. So when I saw you, of course I had bias. You were like super cute, perky. I'm like, oh, that's cheerleader. What wasn't a bias, it was true. But I mean I didn't know and and so a lot of people can tack on, oh, cheerleader. I mean, if you're going to stereotype, right, we know this isn't true, but oh, so she's cute and perky and she's probably a cheerleader. Oh, she was, yeah, and then cheerleader, probably not really smart, against stereotypical, right, you know, like all that stuff happens.
Speaker 1:So thinking dits, not somebody that's going to go through these patterns and come out on top have you guys read.
Speaker 2:I don't know if you've ever heard of Lisa Jaster. I know I've mentioned to you MC before. Lisa Jaster was the third female to get the Army Ranger tab. Oh, yes, okay, look, I'm. I know her, I've read her and I read her book and let me tell you she does not even how she presents herself and talks about it compared to the book. Like she does not say to you what she really went through. So, like I said, I've known her for a while and we've talked a couple times and we've had coffee together, that kind of thing, and I finally had a chance to read her book.
Speaker 2:Right, I grabbed the book and I'm reading it and let me tell you, holy bias and the political images of what she did. So she was in a, the long and short of it. Is that what was supposed to be? I think a couple months turned into three times that, and not because she wasn't capable and she wasn't doing it, but because of all the biases. And I don't want to reveal all of it because I'd rather you guys read the book. It's really good and she's real candid. She's just be like that guy was a fucking moron. I mean, she's just straight up. But I just sat there going, holy crap, she was outperforming and outdoing and it still wasn't enough, you know.
Speaker 1:And it goes back to the half.
Speaker 2:No work, twice as hard and like Caitlin was talking about yeah, and do I get proving yourself, of course, right? Like when somebody walks in the door and they're not digging deep and you need to. I get it, I do get that. But you know the fact it takes like a whole month. They're like, oh okay, well, now we'll start working with you. And then everybody else has been kind of left alone. What was the worst part for you?
Speaker 3:Um, the worst part, the challenge. Remember how this is like. This is like just me in general, a guy or girl, guys, I will just do. I had a really tough time with entangle, entanglement and confinement. So blackout and then entangle you and then you have to get out had a really tough time with that and that they really work with you throughout the whole time. You have to get through. You have to get through the meetings they call it, and that was really hard and I wasn't like getting the tips and tricks that I could see other guys getting or other people. They were guys that other people getting because that was well, she's just going to fail and I was.
Speaker 3:I was moving towards to ask if I wanted to leave over that specific thing and I'm like there's guys struggling with it and they're not getting pulled in. So that was. It wasn't like the physical part necessarily of I struggled with. I'm here, I've already passed. He's just to take tests to get into the academy. I've already passed the test. Like I just need some guidance on this. I don't need you to do it for me, you know, I don't need you to ask me nicely.
Speaker 3:I want to like to stay here. I need guidance on this, and that was hard for me to figure out. Okay, I just had to keep improving myself.
Speaker 1:You just wanted the playing field to look equal is what I'm hearing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly, I was feeling equal, but entanglement was really hard for me and it's like such a rare occurrence that it would ever happen to you.
Speaker 2:But you have to know what to do, unless you had a kinky boyfriend.
Speaker 3:You're like do you want to forget? They asked me like, basically, do you want some help in the maze? And I'm like, no, I'm doing it. I think I meant to.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, I was being rude when you said that you're like entanglement was really hard and like I, I don't like. Well, unless you like, and you said we don't do it very often, it's very rare that that would happen, I'm like, unless you have a key somewhere for you.
Speaker 3:No, that was probably the hardest thing about it, and you start learning how to do that in the very beginning, and it might be a situation of like can we just do the maze already? Can we just do it? And I think we'll do that on purpose, though.
Speaker 2:Were the other participants, the other students? Were they supportive of you, or were they? Or were they kind of like ugh?
Speaker 3:I think you had like a 50-50. I think I had so like, oh, she's cute, let's watch what she does. So that I had a lot of. I think I had a lot of. I had a few of the ones that were like, oh, we'll just do sleeping lists I had that, my intuitive. And then I had ones that like were on board, like okay, she's actually. And a lot of the ones that were on board were like the older people, you know, they've already done some life and going to the academy, the ones that had kids yeah, nothing to prove, yeah.
Speaker 1:That is mental gymnastics, though I mean having people in and around you. Like I said, in and around you, dumb way of putting it around you. And you guys are really on the same level same week of training with the same information and they're looking at you like you can't. That is mental gymnastics, thinking you have to constantly prove other people wrong instead of just showing up to class, taking good notes and doing the damn thing. I mean, after a while that's going to break you down.
Speaker 3:I'm feeling now and I still was doing I mean it's still going to follow me over some other and the other girl got the and the other girl got the most improved. And I was like, and I was, I was too pre-set about that, not because I wanted it, but because there were guys that did it right. So those it weighs on that. There were guys that deserve being the most improved on, like a single you know just be the award was most improved on, like the single topic that you wrote, you know, whether it's educational, physical ladder or whatever, and because she overcome her fear of height, because of pre-setters on the application, you can get most improved. And I'm going to tell guys that have worked to you know that were D's when they did it and you couldn't put the D like that most improved. So it it's nice.
Speaker 2:Goes both ways.
Speaker 3:This is a girl. I am 100% so-believe that she was an email.
Speaker 1:So I know you went through. Oh sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 3:No, but that was the thing. It's because of the email and you know I would have felt mortified on stage. You know I'm getting this. You know I don't want. I never want to be that person.
Speaker 2:You just wanted to do your shit.
Speaker 3:I'm just very full of past. Let's be honest.
Speaker 1:Earn it and it be legit yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like everybody else. So when you you finished the Academy, did you tell your instructor your past, like the guy that was already poo pooing you, did you go back and tell him.
Speaker 3:I did, yeah, so when I was at the county that put me through the Academy, I was at the station and I had a really good relationship with a lot of the guys from the county that I was. I started at One because I just knew a lot of them and you know when I would go to class, no matter who, it just varied on who was going to get the station when I got there, you know, in different days, and so I asked one of them. I said how can we go by? It was a. It was an instructor that he still looked at high school and when I showed up and also in the door I was in uniform and he was like I felt almost mad that I did it, like I wasn't doing it to really throw it and I was like I threw it in the space, like this thing, but I thought he would be proud.
Speaker 2:Right, you're. You're somebody you looked up to. You're like look, I did it.
Speaker 3:And he was like, oh, that's good for you, like he was mad that I came in during the third week and I remember getting in the firetruck and I wanted to cry. Obviously, someone like this died Just like I did. Those it's in me in my head. It wasn't like I did this for you, but like I did do this for you. And I remember I was with one of my really good buddies and he's like you can cry if you want, but today I knew, like why we were going and, uh, I guess it's like.
Speaker 3:I'm not. I'm not. I'm not talking about being this bad.
Speaker 1:He couldn't humble himself long enough to say wow, I was wrong, you did it. Congratulations, you rock.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like exactly did you like I'm typical of you like.
Speaker 2:The fact he couldn't look at your action of walking in the door to take the time to tell him that by itself says like you mean something to me. I want to show you I I did this. You know what I mean. So yeah, that's kind of.
Speaker 1:I do wonder, though, if he ever shortchanged another female like that again. Or did he maybe go home and sit and think about that like man? He probably shortchanged another female yeah probably just a dick. That's the end of that. I'd like to think he did.
Speaker 2:We don't like him.
Speaker 3:And I know that, like he, like, we're friends on stage and I know that regularly all give us a chance.
Speaker 2:And that's that. Yeah, that's. That's hard when you consider somebody kind of like a mentor. You know a figure that and that helped you. And then we kind of helped you. He gave you the motivation.
Speaker 3:Yeah now, and it was something that I will obviously take for the rest of my life of not doing that to others. You know there's some healthy opportunities and healthy or safety to do it.
Speaker 2:Just to negate you or just not validate you, like that's just shitty, Like whatever jerk face. So so you're now a firefighter.
Speaker 3:I got tired shortly after that because I was volunteering while I was doing that and I actually got hired at a different department. Just a point that I didn't get hired at that department. But I think in hindsight, like looking back now, it was the best. I got more experience at the department that I went to. It was a very small rural department, like each four-ricks department or four-county in the state of Florida, and what that really equates to as a first responder there means you are doing literally an ER in the back of a truck or you are, you know, two-fire trucks working where you need to have four to six-pack of stuff and you get really bad accidents, to get Bad house fires, just very limited resources. So hindsight is the greatest experience. I learned so much so fast. So I got hired and I hope I remember my first few shifts and I do go in and I thought about like okay, don't do your makeup, put the hair up like do your thing.
Speaker 3:And I was like no, that's not me At the end of the day it's not me and I'm not, I'm not gonna change yourself.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I remember I don't know how long my first day was going in I remember orientation. I had a look from everybody. It was a small department. So, orientation, everybody in the department comes by the EOC, which is like our operations center, and looks at the new hires, right, and oh yeah, it's just sitting there like I don't know. Hi, I want to see a picture of my I'll have to say to you, one of my first rides ever, and I looked like a child, cause I am a child.
Speaker 2:I was like you are. What are you? 18 at the time, 17 still here's a.
Speaker 1:Can't buy a beer, can't pay taxes, but can pull your ass out of a fire.
Speaker 3:Right so, but I remember meeting the EOC and I felt like I was just being stared at and not like why is the shit here?
Speaker 2:kind of like I'm not taking it seriously. It's funny. This is what popped in my head when you were saying that. I was giggling cause when I became a nurse. Well, when I was in nursing school, right so I was 20 at the time and I remember going into patient room and she was talking to me. The lady was, and then she's like oh, she goes when, when do you graduate high school? Ooh, and she thought I was a candy striper and so I got good genes, like I'm a junior in college actually. And she's like, oh, and then like, scroll ahead, and this, this was the bane for a while. And you must be like, oh, rough life, you know, you look younger than you are. And I'm like, okay, yes, it's nice to have youth on your side, but when you're in a professional environment, it's really shitty, because you spend a lot of energy trying to prove yourself, try and to look the part. Try and to. You don't want to make one mistake, because you already have that against you.
Speaker 2:So I was 25. I was a first lieutenant, or captain, because a captain actually I was stationed at Travis Air Force Base and I came in to go get something I don't know I forgot something and I walk in the door and I have shorts and a t shirt on kind of thing, and there were people working on the floor like electricians, like they were doing some kind of work right, and I walked in the break room and they were in there and some. We had a conversation I don't even remember what it was, but when I left they came back to work in a couple days and the nurse manager comes to read. She was laughing, she goes, but those guys thought you were like volunteering up here, and when I told them you were one of our nurses, like their face was priceless.
Speaker 2:They were like what? Like we thought she was like 16 or something like that. Yeah, so again, like you know me at my age, you tell me I look 10 years younger. I'm like I love you, you know, but when you're that age and you're trying to be a professional, that's hard, that's really hard.
Speaker 3:I love that you say like looks apart, because I mean, that's what I felt, like I did for like a year. I knew everybody and everybody knew me. But I would get volunteering a lot. I would. I would get exactly like on circles. I would get that all the time and I would love to be in the drama room on circles and we were all dressed up and no one knew.
Speaker 3:I felt like that was one place I could actually use my brain and my hands and not, like to get it covered up. They don't know right, so you're just doing all the things. That's one thing I loved about, like when we were on a fire and they knew my name. But it just worked. You know, it wasn't about anything else. So I get hired and my first few shifts were kind of a blur. I just felt like I wanted to go to every call. I wanted to be on everything, like for being a coach.
Speaker 3:I remember we worked a rack on a bridge and I was terrified like not terrified of bridges. I had not, I had on my driving of a bridge. But now I'm working on a bridge like no, no, I don't want to do this, but I had to like compartmentalize that because I'm like there is no way I'm going to ask the like can we move that? Can we move the team back in the red? So this is not as terrifying as it is. And very, very early on, very quickly, I realized how of a small role of the department in teams that I'm going to be, we're going to be, and I had, oh my goodness, I think in my first few weeks I had like entrapment, with the car burning and first on seeing multiple head-on because like, and I was like, okay, this is it, this is what I'm going to do, of course, just like you're in it.
Speaker 3:And you're in it and you're going to just like almost not make it to. You make it, but just kind of like I did not feel comfortable at like not asking for, like asking for guidance. So I just went through the academy and like I had to prove myself to get guidance on education and I was like this is real life, I'm not, this is my career, I'm not going to. Yeah, to the least, this is so. My first few months were just, I feel, like some other blur. It was like just getting in and like doing anything and everything I could to prove myself.
Speaker 1:Trying to get your on-the-job training and learn your teammates too, yeah learn who I'm going to be with.
Speaker 3:I mean, and when you're in that kind of department at the diverse department I was at that I was really familiar with the state department lots of funding you would have on a normal team you would have an ambulance show up with you people, a fire truck show up with four people, possibly another rescue or another rescuer engine show. You would have six to ten personnel on a team Very normal there. So I would say four to eight on every call, minimum, minimum. The department I was at, you and your partner. So it's like on its way.
Speaker 3:So you had to like learn your shit really fast. You had to grow up really, really quickly and everyone had to trust you very, very quickly. And so that department was like after a first few months of proving myself, and I had one chief that I I left under his life to death for this day and he taught me so much that he just really shaped like I think, who I am, especially as a person. But you had to like just get to that level of like trust, know you're not like know everything very, very quickly. And that was the first time I felt that being female wasn't as much of an issue there, because we had a lot of a lot. We had quite a few female firefighters there.
Speaker 2:Oh really, and the small department.
Speaker 3:At the department. Yeah, I think, just because it like what else are you going to do with that? And that like not, yeah, what else are you going to do with that? Like you're going to be a cop or firefighter or a paramedic, maybe a teacher.
Speaker 2:But were they paid positions? Because I know that in my small town it was a volunteer firefighter department.
Speaker 3:It was interesting too, because I lived in a big town and I would drive an hour to go to work and when I would say, oh, yeah, I work for this department, they were like, oh, are you a volunteer? I'm like no, but Because we had volunteer departments throughout the area or volunteer stations throughout the area, but the department itself was paid. You had to be state certified anti-medic, you had to do all the things. So that was interesting, working with that, and I would be like I would get so defensive. I would be like, no, I am paid, I work for the academy. I did all these things.
Speaker 1:no, this is more than a Halloween costume for me, guys. Yeah, you're like, this is more than a Halloween costume for me, guys.
Speaker 3:So that's funny. One of the funniest stories I have about being asked about as a firefighter was I was in uniform, in complete uniform, on my way to work and I get pulled over and I have my gear in the back, I have my license plate. I mean you could see on the fire, I guess you could see I worked for the department and the guy pulls me over and when you're driving, if you drive a truck or an ambulance or whatever, you have to report when you get pulled over to get a ticket, anything. And so I didn't get in trouble because the cop goes oh, what do you do? Do you work this much? You're going to be late. And I got so mad and so, like I said, who's the cop? He isn't giving me a ticket, I think. Because I got mad at him and I was like, are you kidding me? I'm a firefighter. And he's like, oh really. I was like patronizing.
Speaker 3:I found my chief like that, who was on chief on duty, and I was like you can look after this guy and my chief was like you're not going to get in trouble, like whatever, and he handled it. But I was like I would get that all the time If I just said oh yeah, I work for the fire department. I'm mainly just bad, like I got it recently. I did an event recently here and someone said oh, did you answer the phone?
Speaker 2:Did you answer the phones? Freaking, obnoxious.
Speaker 3:So I actually tried to do this stuff one day because they would let us go in and sit and I could not be serious. So they were like she's not having an accident with me.
Speaker 2:You need to go into the fire.
Speaker 1:You don't need to be here, it's like when you go to the VA and they ask you okay, what's your husband's social security number? Oh yeah, so, Bitch, I am the veteran.
Speaker 2:So you transitioned perfect, because that's what was going in my head on like, what you experienced is what females in the military also experienced, and in different realms. And you would think in the medical fields that we didn't have as much that because there's a higher population of females. But if you get in specific areas and the more specialized in there, then the more you start seeing this crap and it's super frustrating. Even when I was a second lieutenant, I had a guy he was a med tech and I was working in an ER and I had to go suture. It was a slamming day in the doc. It was one of my first sutures. I had practiced a lot and did that and it was a buddy of mine. And the doc's, the patient was, yeah, the patient was a buddy of mine. And so the doc's like are you good, Don? I'm like yep, yep, I'll do a ring block and I'll suture. And I was honest with him, like listen, it's one of my first ones. I said it may not be super pretty, but it'll be closed and it won't be infected. I promise you those two things. He goes. That's awesome, Don, I go for it.
Speaker 2:The med tech comes in the room and looks over and he's like are you sure you have that? Are you comfortable? Like just kind of belittling me, and then was like, oh ma'am, we have somebody with a potential heart attack and we need somebody to go in the room. Why don't I take this over for you? It might be better that way. I can tell you that I did what I needed to do.
Speaker 2:I did have to go handle the other patient, but when we got done I addressed him and he had, and that one incident was just the straw that broke the camel's back. And I'm a country girl so jokes don't offend me Like, even like real rude ones, I'll have a good chuckle. But he was like directing jokes at me and you could tell it was very much trying to belittle and mentally and just shame me, right. And so I finished him off. I took him in a back room and then I just addressed him top to bottom and I thought I was talking kind of like this in a very stern voice.
Speaker 2:Apparently I was talking in a very loud voice and when I walked out of the room, like the whole ER is looking at me and I'm like, hello, yeah, I was very pissed about it. There's no need for any of that. We're all learning, we all don't do it perfectly. And Again, you know, they look at you like, oh, she's cute, and God forbid if they found out you were a cheerleader, I mean, I'm sure that was like, oh, you know, and all this bias, bias, bias. And then we're over here, we're carrying it. Their bias is on our shoulders.
Speaker 3:You know the way they look at you. I mean, and being a, an attractive female and or an Industry or any male dominant industry, that's immediately where it goes. It doesn't, it doesn't matter if, like you, can't handle it, I would get that like no, I can do. I can do what I'm here, like I can do my job.
Speaker 2:Did you deal with harassment? Did you deal? Did you have any incidents? Yeah, you know, work out on duty, like there's a level that you you have to be sassy Well, there's it so, but you can give shit back. You know what I mean. Like they give shit and you're just so I kind of getcha.
Speaker 3:And I think, looking back, like who I am now, I'm like, oh, I probably should have said something, I probably should have shut that down. But again, like it was like this I'm 22 and I want to be accepted, you know, I know I'm kind of getting to the point where they don't answer for years and I have responsibility and I can take convenience on an accident if I'm there and I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose what I feel and what I worked for. So I felt like I, looking back, like it's a looking down, now I'm like Like you should have never let them say those things about you, because I just accepted it. I just said, okay, well, this is what I'm gonna accept, but that I did pursue. And the gentleman and that's like losing his job over, but it like it, but it took it way too far.
Speaker 3:What other people got involved? Like a whole station got pictures. He like took pictures of me behind my back and you know, no, I didn't know, because other people got them and they came to me and they're like oh well, and it was an officer and At first I was like and I remember kind of fighting it and they would call Every so we would do our where the state. At the time, the station I was at, I was assigned to a rescue and you had to do midnight transfers, but we all took turns, so you surely be doing a few a month. Every single one we got, every single transfer our rescue would get and finally, at least it's the third or fourth night of it I looked at my partner who we actually said the same birthday who's most of my partner for most of my career, and I was like, all right, I'm gonna have to tell somebody because it's reprisal kind of holding this like.
Speaker 3:I have this power against you and I'm like they were like and they weren't like bad pictures for the memes, but it was just.
Speaker 2:But they were sending them out with a sexual connotation, like hey, you know, like they're in an inappropriate way, like To Right like.
Speaker 3:But you know you, I remember thinking like I don't want to. What if? What if this comes back on me, like, or what if the guys now are like, oh, we're not gonna talk to her, we're not gonna, you know, we're gonna stay far away, and it was just Like in that happened, you would wrap it happen, especially females that would come in, or I would meet other females in other departments. You know, like this is going on. I'm like if you don't stand up for yourself now, I mean good to happen in 10 years, it's gonna happen. In 15 years, it's gonna happen your entire career and if you don't nip it.
Speaker 3:The time is a fire department.
Speaker 1:Yeah, every other female that follows you.
Speaker 3:I mean you're, you're sleeping with them, you know?
Speaker 2:not obvious right, that's, but that's the connotation right.
Speaker 3:Like you. I mean, it's like guys can sleep in shorts and no shirt, like, and I have to be fully dressed because I would have had yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't want to see your boxers either put on a double standard there. Yeah, put on your own.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a newer thing has a big females in the fire department, uh, so it's funny because when we were talking about, like, there's a certain level that we accept, and I, I am the first one to admit too I can take a lot of jokes, I can, I can dish it, I can take, and I'm I'm just sarcastic by nature, I mean, that's just who I am, and because I just believe humor can diffuse a lot of stuff. However, like you just pointed out, caitlyn, it's a slippery slope, right. So you accept this. And then Something else happens and you gotta decide. Do you accept that? I, well, I kind of accept this. Do I accept that? And it's not conscious necessarily, you know, you're just kind of going with it. And, like you said, you know, five, ten years later Then these more egregious acts happen and then you're like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, like we've got to figure out where the boundary is.
Speaker 2:And as a, as a flight nurse, and I actually had somebody make a joke or something and he turned to me and he said Did that offend you? Like, if it did, I'm really sorry. Yeah, I was like Wow, and I said, actually it didn't, because I'm, he goes, I did not mean to offend you if I did, he was really conscious of it and I I thought that was impressive. Only time that I ever heard that. I can assure you, everything else was left on the table.
Speaker 3:I Feel like I would get like blanket. If anything I say offend you, I don't mean to, I'm sorry. And then like.
Speaker 1:I hear from the jokes and that's magically supposed to make it all okay.
Speaker 2:Doesn't work that way and you know it works. And comfort level this is the hard part. Comfort level is different for everybody. Like I remember, when I was a flight nurse, I was heavy into Um, weightlifting, I was working out, it was like a whole group of us. I had a muscle fitness magazine calendar, like that type of calendar, on my at my desk. It was just kind of motivating for me, kind of thing. And of course, there these are men and women on there that are showing their physiques. You know, um, to me it was just one of the. I said it was just motivating.
Speaker 2:And uh, one day I come into my office and I'm in a cubicle, like in the back right, and my calendar is put down on my desk and I'm like, oh, did it fall? And my boss was like no, somebody was offended by it, you had to take it down. And at that age I'm like what the fuck? That's just stupid. Like we're all working out in here, you know, and I was just blah, blah, blah. And you know, and I look back on it now and I was like, eeh, like maybe I don't like it didn't, it didn't offend me, I was having it up there. But there's comfort levels for other people. I had to be respectful. It's hard, you know, but I agree that it's all a slippery slope. It really is, and so you made a good point on that.
Speaker 1:Pretty sure every female in the military can.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is a balancing act. So you, you did Seven years.
Speaker 3:I love the first collaborations. I love crisis management. I'm at this point where I've been on a paid employment during hurricane. What am I really going to do? Do I really want to write an ambulance and fire truck first? I don't know. At that time I was going through a lot with my dad. I had a trial going on where he had passed away. That was the first time I had ever felt the mental health At 17. I think it was just fun. Seeing some of the things I saw was just a part of the job. I think I saw them so regularly. This is just it. That was the first time that I ended at 18, beginning of 19. I never really felt something's off. I had about six weeks but I really went through it. I was working a lot. I was before I got married. I would work 48 hours, 72 hours, shit. What else would it mean to me? It was like great money.
Speaker 3:Hopefully I get lucky and sleep two or three hours of the night I remember going to a chief and he was like I think it's just a cultural thing, you'll get through it.
Speaker 2:Cultural.
Speaker 3:I feel like you're the very first little thing. Now I'm seeing it in real life.
Speaker 2:It's a. Thing.
Speaker 3:I had a few people that knew what was really going on. I felt like trying to get help, but I was, so I felt like at that point I could help. Everyone's going to know I didn't want to do it. This is a bad thing to do. I shouldn't need help, I should be fine. At that point I met Teddy, who did all of that. He's already been there, got help and fought through this thing with it. He was a guy.
Speaker 2:He was a Marine.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think they had a little easier At that point. Our department had already had one suicide. Then, about six months into 2019, one of my really good friends, who was a Marine, had a suicide at another department. I was like I feel like I didn't think I was going down that route, but I remember I was assuming a lot of alcohol. I was either out of bar or at work.
Speaker 1:I remember we had a bar that would open up at 9.30 in the morning.
Speaker 3:for us it would get up to 8.30 to get bar ready.
Speaker 2:That happens. We had the same thing. I already knew the locals. I liked the EMA. My husband actually will tell you. He used to be a medic. He said we'd get off at 7 am and whatever, a sparky bar or something would be open and they'd have the red eyes ready. That was normal.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I wasn't affecting. I just feel like I was affecting my job. Even people around me kind of knew that was a good part, like going to work was good for me. I remember I went through EMP and you're just being a branch counselor and you have three sessions, so you really need to get your class together. You have three times to do it. I just remember coming home and Teddy was like I feel like maybe we should back off a little bit.
Speaker 3:At that point he was retired so I was taking on time off. I had never took time off. I would just work and work. And then, once I started getting more time off, I was like I don't know what this is. I'm really good at some parts and I really love some of these parts, but there's a lot of parts that I feel like are going to be detrimental to the longevity and my future and I'm like why did I let it do this in the first place? So I went part time and then went through COVID. I said department in the ER and the life was 2021 with my last shift and I was getting funding because I got mandatory, which means you have to stay for another 12 to 24 hours and I was like this would happen on my last shift that I have to stay.
Speaker 3:Oh, my gosh, but it was good and I just know how weird the transition would be. I never knew another job. I had worked like extra jobs while the department said I never knew my partner was my partner for most of that time period and we talked all day on shifts and then most of the time off days, and I remember we hadn't talked for like a month and I was like why hasn't he called me? Like what? Why hasn't he called me anymore? And so it was. I think that she's kind of turned me off to the whole thing and I think at that point it doesn't matter how good you are at your job. Like when they're done with you, they're done.
Speaker 2:They're done. That's a very common. That's what we all deal with in the military. When you're done, you're done.
Speaker 3:Like if they don't have a youth for you or you're not just another number or soul spot, you know. Then what do you? Why are you good for?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a common matter of fact. It was. I don't know if they still do this now, but back in the day you were special forces training and you washed out for whatever reason. You rang the bell and then everybody turned their back on you when you walked off. I'm like that's super awesome for your mental health.
Speaker 1:Let's just open the door. Do it without ringing the bell. Yeah, we don't make it so formal, we just subtly do that. Just give you the subtle FU as you're walking out the door.
Speaker 2:I see that a lot. I'll see it on different forums. You know people on like, you know Facebook, instagram, whatever, and I'll watch these posts and the anger. They're so angry and they're so confused and they're so lost and you'll hear them like I was the go-to person and then it's like when I was struggling and they couldn't use me, it's like, see ya, you know, and that was the end of that and that's hard. When you, yeah, and I had go ahead, well, I was going to ask when you and Teddy met and you had he started the nonprofit, yet yeah, he had already had the nonprofit at that point and but it wasn't what it does now.
Speaker 3:It was really they raised money for Marines pretty much only, and some other. I mean, if they had, if they knew a veteran they needed help, they would give money to them. But it was basically them just raising cash and they would help Marine families or select other veteran families, but it wasn't as anything as it is now.
Speaker 2:So move, move yourself ahead. I'm just trying to be interested in time here. So, moving forward, you. So Teddy has the nonprofit, you guys are now married, you guys are now engaged in the nonprofit, and now Teddy is a veteran. You guys are now engaged in the nonprofit and now he's a veteran, and so we started working on the nonprofit. We started with the nonprofit and now it's like oh, we're gonna start the nonprofit and we're gonna start off firefighting worlds a little bit, regrouping.
Speaker 3:And now this has started and it's interesting because everything you went through what you morph this to all fits together and they were kind of just doing random things, I feel. And I came on and I left and I was like, well, I need a purpose, I need something to do, I need to still give back, I still need to love all these people that I do care about and I know what they've been through. So I said, can we take your non-profit and include first responders now, because they need assistance too and they need another avenue to go find help. And so, of course, yeah, I was already pretty much helping run it anyway. And so now we have the first-person outreach which we give first responders and active duty military and transitioning veterans that are participating to have free, no-cost, confidential counseling that doesn't report to the department or their commands unless they feel it's testing their job duty. And I felt that that's the way that I can still be involved and use my experience and use my knowledge and still get back.
Speaker 2:And this is very zeroed in, because initially I was like when I heard it, I was like, oh yeah, you know, like veterans need mental healthcare, and they were like whoa, whoa, it's a little more focused than that. It is specifically first responders and military that are transitioning out. Like there's this crossover, so like when we're all getting out and then you're gonna try to get your tricare and all that other and sign up to the VA and it's just kind of chaos. This allows you to continue your care. For how many sessions is it? Up to 15. Yeah, so up to that like 15 sessions that they can use until they get re-established. And the cool part about the nonprofit correct me if I'm wrong on this, caitlin the non the therapists that you have they actually are do all of them also accept like tricare, like meaning that they can maybe potentially stay with them after the free is done?
Speaker 3:So we have we haven't written into that yet I do believe two of them are for sure tricare. I'd use one of them. But even after that, 15 sessions. If they still don't wanna go through tricare, because they're active duty and they don't wanna go through tricare or they're at the department they don't wanna start that whole scenario over, we'll do a cash payment of a split payment, so they're still oh, wow.
Speaker 3:We haven't, so that's written into the plan. Honestly, haven't had that happen yet and I mean I'm okay, but obviously we planned for it to happen. But I do believe two of them do do this. Take the tricare.
Speaker 1:So is heroes outreach specific to our local area, or is this something that veterans across the United States can take advantage of?
Speaker 3:Yeah, veterans anywhere, honors anywhere in the United States.
Speaker 2:And it's telehealth. Yeah, that's how it works.
Speaker 1:That's amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a really neat, it's real out. Yeah, see what happens when you go to golfing events. This is what happens when you go to weird events and then you meet people like this. Yeah.
Speaker 3:The reason on being over the US. We made sure it was off-out house and really be rowing in on our feet right, Because there's a ton of important things. This is one thing that I get.
Speaker 2:So you have a question? You look like you had a question.
Speaker 1:I did, I lost it, I Didn't write it down.
Speaker 2:This is what happens when you're working moms. This is what happens.
Speaker 1:It was right there. It'll come to me at two o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she'll be like, I'll remember later. All right, so we're kind of winding it down here. I think your story is One that a lot of people can relate to a females, you know, if you, I know people that have had Just couple comments made and it was shut down all the way up to whistleblowers. I've seen it all and the mental toll and the devaluation it does to people is pretty bad. You know, and and and you had it right, caitlin, when you said you know you advise them To set the boundary now and everybody's boundaries different.
Speaker 2:And I get it, but know your damn boundary, like, know where it is. You know, I'm the one, like I said I'm good with some jokes, but when I feel like it, they're done. Specifically, when I walk in a room we have a problem. Now, like now we have a problem. You're targeting them at me. That's an issue. You're just saying a joke and I just happen to be there. Hmm, okay, just be prepared for something to come back at you. You know, in a joking way, of course. So we have to respect that. We, we really have to keep those boundaries established and you know I always say that to our kids. You know, behavior exists unless it's allowed to exist. So if you don't challenge it, it's gonna stay or get worse, right?
Speaker 3:Oh.
Speaker 2:You bet your butt. You absolutely agree the other takeaway?
Speaker 1:I would have to.
Speaker 1:And the fuck, the thought came back would be addressing those compounded traumas because, kind of like Caitlin was saying, when you're 17, 18, 19, you're new on the job, it's fun, exciting and you've got this adrenaline rush, but over time it's that box that we like to put those things in is eventually going to topple over and you've got to do something with it. So I'm so, so glad that heroes outreach exists, because this is just another way of Getting those things addressed and dealt with. So, that being said, if somebody from the EMS world or a veteran that is going through transition Is wanting to get connected with you or the program, how would they go about doing that? No reason not to do this, guys.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's free, it's free, so Alright. So we kind of went full circle. I really wanted to get out what you were doing now, because I thought it was really cool. Oh wait, I'm gonna add one more thing, because this actually puts the cherry on the cake. So this, the Non-profit, is all they are giving. But what is your job now? This is what I love.
Speaker 3:I am and the hair and talk that I said hey.
Speaker 2:She did mine. I went up and see she was having this like retreating day and at her house and then she texted me. She was like hey, like you're the only one, because like it was so Friday, right, somebody was working and I don't have a life. So I said I'll do it and so I went out. She was like you're the only one. I'm like even better, you're gonna. It's gonna take all that time to work on this face, so it's funny.
Speaker 1:I was gonna ask if we could get a tutorial, because she does them Can use a little help getting connected with my inner girl that I've managed to lose over the course of my career. So I will absolutely be hitting you up, girl.
Speaker 2:We have some little.
Speaker 3:I look back at pictures now and I'm like, who let me wear that makeup on duty?
Speaker 2:Like I tried the other day and, like in the mirror it looked good and on camera I look like I had two black eyes and I had to go to an event and I like I didn't know until the camera took the picture and I went shit.
Speaker 2:That didn't work so well. I just can't carry a lot of makeup, but it was hilarious. I was, I was trying to do Caitlyn. I was like, all right, I'm gonna do this. And then I was like, oh my god, I look like somebody decked me. Like, this is in. Good, I'm still practicing, caitlyn, don't worry.
Speaker 1:Well, at least now we know who to go talk to yes, we do so all right.
Speaker 2:Well, anything else you want to impart with the audience before we go? Caitlyn, yeah, it was fun. It's about you. That's the whole point of this.
Speaker 2:Like, when we bring on first responders medical and Anything, mental health, any of them I always tell them well, we always tell them it comes from your perspective. Like we don't care if you hurt the patient's feelings, like we don't care, we want to know is like going on with you and you, what you were dealing with and that that's the whole purpose of the podcast is Like we want people to hear that other people are going through this and what they were doing whether it was like going home and downing chocolate and wine or exercising or Shooting your husband in the ass that's a true story. Yeah, that one happened and so, yeah, I mean it could be anything right. But how are people coping and what are resources to help them cope? And here's one right there.
Speaker 2:Right, if you're a first responder and you're a military transitioning and I highly encourage Anybody, but I will focus in on our medical people Start talking to people when you're transitioning, because I'm we're telling you we've been there and we've all All crashed somewhere and we want you guys to crash and rise like a phoenix and not hit cement and, just you know, dysenograte. We want you to come back stronger, so that's why we do what we do.
Speaker 3:I will say this is I know I'm like and it's top right in a minute and people that like females that are going in industries or listening to them, you can still do this and so be a girl and you can still do this and still be a mom and you can just there's time to be just out there now to help you Do all that, like I think it's it's the same now to get help and to go and get you know, guided.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can be a cheerleader and a firefighter. Don't listen to the naysayers. Right, exactly, it's guys limit, all right, okay, everybody, I think we're wrapping this bad girl up, I Love it appropriately right.
Speaker 2:So, hey, we appreciate all of you guys, the support that we get, and you know we're still considered a little bit of a baby podcast, but we've had a really good outreach of people and we hope we keep reaching more and more. So if you're listening, you know all those fun things that every other person tells you to do is to like, share, comment, engage. If you have an idea that you'd love to hear about, trust me, we're we're game for like nearly anything, we will do it. So if there's something you want to learn more about, we'll go investigate. We'll do a podcast on it. So, from all of us over here, we want you guys to have an awesome week. And what do you think, emsy?
Speaker 1:Thanks again, caitlin, for coming and hanging out with us. I really enjoyed talking with you and look forward to connecting with you in the future.
Speaker 2:All right, everybody peace out.
Speaker 1:You.