Welcome to the second episode of Rahma with Rose. I'm here to talk about what's going on with the podcast what's going on with me. And as I was speaking to a friend the other week about my podcasts and all the upcoming guests that have lined up, they noted to me that I've never really talked about my work talked about with the healing path. But I haven't actually talked about the coaching work I do the work I do to support other women on their healing path. So I thought I might make an episode about the actual thing I do the actual thing that inspired me to make this podcast. One of the reasons why I decided to make this podcast is because I work with a lot of clients, many of them happen to be Muslim women, not all I do work with men, I do work with women from all different faith traditions, as well as no faith. But the majority definitely is a Muslim woman. And I realized that so many of them felt alone. They feel isolated, they feel like they're the only ones with struggles, the only ones who are experiencing the things they've been through. And what I've noticed is that they're definitely not alone. It just seems that way. Because in their towns, in their families, in their friends circles, that they have one, they might be out there. But because I've had the amazing opportunity and luck and honor to mingle with a lot of amazing people over my lifetime, and to be able to meet, especially Muslims, who are so brilliant, and inspiring, and intelligent and radiant. I know that I am not the only one, I used to think I really was the only one. When I was in a marriage that was controlling and abusive. I was so isolated, I was so alone. But when I was able to liberate myself from that marriage and find myself and work on my inner and outer liberation, I found out that I definitely was not alone. So one of the motivators of creating drama with Rose was to create a compilation of primarily Muslim women's voices and stories on their healing and spiritual journey. So that other woman who feel that they're alone, who feel that they're struggling with no one else who understand them, who gets them, they can listen to this podcast, and receive reassurance, inspiration, ideas, and really encouragement to know that others have forged this path before them, they are not alone. That there are others like you. There are others who think similarly who have the same frustrations, who've been treated similarly, and who have been hurt, who have experienced trauma. And there's a way out of that there's a way through it. So I see myself as offering a chance for you to listen to this podcast. Sometimes I offer my own reflections and thoughts. If you vibe with me. That's cool. And then you can learn about other women's stories. How do I choose the woman I interview? I think a woman that either I know personally, and they inspire me and I just adore them. And I love them, or woman I haven't met yet, but I want to meet because they excite me so much by the teachings they offer by the by the things they say online in online spaces. And they feel my heart. And each one of these conversations I've had so far with woman and my podcasts have filled my cup actually haven't just felt have overfill my cup. So it's brimming. I'll complete one of these conversations and I am just a lie. I have more hope. I feel full I feel energized as because we filled each other's cups. And I've been lucky enough to speak to one of these brilliant woman and knowing that this conversation will be shared with other people as well. So it's an oral compilation. It's an oral anthology of Muslims healing and spiritual journeys. Perhaps one day, I'll even make an edited anthology based on the transcripts of these interviews when I have the bandwidth, because I know some people prefer to read rather than listen, but for now, you have the opportunity to listen into these conversations where I sit with these women and ask some really deep questions that maybe they haven't necessarily been asked before in this context, woman who have so many different things to offer based on their professional and personal life experiences. And I want to know how they got to where they got spiritually, emotionally, physically, what things do they do, to really connect with themselves in order to have a deeper connection with the divine, in order to work on themselves, heal themselves, support themselves and learn to better resource within themselves. This is about Rambo Rose is really about. And I until now have not even talked about what I do with my coaching, I really see this podcast not as a place to advertise my coaching. Yeah, at the end, I have a little outro, where I offer you the chance to work with me, but it's not the main purpose, the main purpose goes way beyond my coaching practice. You know, I am more than a coach, I've actually been struggling to look for a term other than coach that I connect with more because of coaches is one of the many things I do. Even though I left academia, as a professor, I left it in May 2022, is when I officially quit my job as associate professor at California Lutheran University. Until then, my main identity was Professor academic scholar. And for some time, after I left that position, I really shunned away and kept away from everything academia. But now I have a book coming out, I'll talk about it more, maybe I'll have an episode or have someone interview me about my book. It's called Muslim prayer in American public life. And it's going to be published with Oxford University Press. So it's quite exciting. It's quite exciting to be published by a prestigious academic press. It was a long time in the making has taken six years. I'll talk more about that in a future episode. But it was a really hard book to produce really hard. And it took a lot of my time and energy, even when I wasn't writing it, even when I wasn't researching it, the fact that it wasn't complete, and that I had to do things to complete, it took a lot of bandwidth. Now that it is almost published, and I'm almost done with all the last production task I have to do like right now I'm working on looking over the index, and getting permissions with the cover. Once that's done, it'll be completely out of my hands, and opens up more capacity within me. So why am I talking about this book and other things? Well, my identity really was only academic professor, Muslim mother, Woman, now, I feel my identity and how I see myself as much faster, much more broad. But I'm also with this book, coming back to the idea of being a scholar of being academic actually is something I really take pride in. Because I put a lot of time, a lot of energy, a lot of my life into the training I received up to my PhD and then during the years as a professor, and then to get tenure, it was a lot of my life, it was a lot of work. And I realized that I'm not just a coach, because I have that background that I work so hard for. And there's things about it that I no longer identify with. But there's things about being a scholar poppin I guess you can say an academic even though I don't usually use that term anymore, that I really value. And that come through in the work I do. So well I see this project, Rama throws podcast as an act of love. An offer to you if you enjoy listening, because I want all of you listening to be able to benefit from listening to these conversations from getting inspired. This is a project that isn't about advertising. It's not about promoting my business. It's about a conversation that's ongoing about as I mentioned this quiet revolution of Muslim women and women in general healing around the world. You can probably identify this with this. If you're a woman, you probably are somewhere on the healing path of you listening because this interest this topic interests you and you probably know other women on similar parallel path that you've connected with along the way. So what does a coach do? What do I do? Now I started getting trained again certified as a coach during COVID. Not to backtrack a little bit because when I was a professor when I was a graduate student, I actually have been mentoring others for many years. You can even start with as early back as middle school. I think it was when I was like doing mentoring to younger kids. And when I was in high school I was mentoring middle middle school kids. I've always had a teacher personality mentor personality within me, it's part of who I am. I love doing that. And I seem to be pretty good at that people have often come to me. When I was in grad school, I was a grad student mentor to the Muslim Student Association, the MSA. When I was a faculty, I was the Muslims do Association faculty advisor. And of course, I've mentored a lot of students, and I loved working with them. In addition, I've often gathered women together for healing purposes for the past 15 years, it is something I do, why I do it, because I love bringing women together because I benefit personally. And the power of women coming together for this purpose multiplies by 1000, when we come together, something magical happens, a woman on the healing path come together. That's my goal. So in the coaching work I do, I offer different forms of support for people who choose to work with me. Now I offer one on one coaching, and I offer group coaching, and one on one coaching. And just so you know, if you're interested, you could sign up for a gift coaching session with me to try it out to experience it. Because coaching is something that really needs to be experienced. In a coaching session, you can experience what it's like to be in a place that is safe, where someone is there to listen, that would be me, the coach or whatever you want to call me, the space holder. And I am there to listen to you deeply compassionately. To ask you questions. And to help you get to know yourself better. Essentially, we don't often have the opportunity to have this kind of exchange in our everyday lives. With friends with family, it's always a two way street. We give and receive. We listen. And then we talk, they listen. And then they talk. But it's not often you have an entire hour of just speaking to someone you're close to. And they will listen wholeheartedly and not interject with their own opinions, their advice, they won't interject with with their feedback. But instead, they ask you more questions and take you on a path deeper into yourself. That's what a coach does. That's why it's a very unique and special thing. So I see myself as supporting people with whatever they need help with. Sometimes it's as simple as creating life goals, and then needing accountability to help to help achieve these goals. That's something that some clients ask some people, for example, when I work with Muslim clients, they've experienced religious and spiritual trauma, and they'd like help to reconnect with whatever they've experienced trauma through. So for example, a lot of Muslims struggle with prayer with select with NAMAs. I have different methods that I walk them through in order that they can return to prayer on their own terms, not because they're scared to but because they find benefit and love in their connection to their Creator. This is a gradual process. I don't have any hacks, I don't have any quick methods to get anything. This is work we're in for the long term. This is work that is part of our entire life, purpose and mission. And it's my honor to sit with clients and hold space for them for part of this journey for as long as they choose. The ideal is to work at least three months together, because to see any substantial transformations, 90 days at least, is necessary. If you work with a coach for less than three months, you might see small little changes. But if you really want to get out of sight the cycle you're in, if you really want to start seeing more change in your life, then setting up for at least three months is very useful. I have lots of testimonials on my website on my Instagram and Facebook pages. Now I don't always market my coaching all the time. I'm not always self promoting. Sometimes I'll share some sometimes you won't see much from me. Sometimes I'll remind you know if you want to sign up, now's a good time. But I'm here for people who need that support. And it's sometimes hard for people to understand why they need to invest in themselves. For some people. It's really easy to pay for a trip, a vacation, right? Usually we feel better after vacation, with coaching with therapy as well. You don't get to go anywhere, but you have an experience where you're journeying within yourself, that can be really powerful and transformative helps you don't even make any major shifts, because you realize that there's nothing wrong with you. So you didn't have to make any changes. Perhaps the biggest change of all is just how you see yourself, how you learn to be more compassionate to yourself. Or other people it might be, it might mean that they make big life changes. You know, for example, I've discussed how I moved across the world. And then I decided to quit my job as a tenured professor, that was a really drastic move. I don't recommend most people make that kind of move in order to create change. For me, it changed my life. But it's also because I wanted to live outside the US for my entire life, most of my life. And even when I was 17, I went to university in Canada, because I wanted to leave the US. And I left until I left the US until it was time to do my PhD. And then I went back to the US to do my PhD before us and for that I might have stayed outside the US. But now once again, I find myself outside the US. And I'm hoping that I don't return to the US, I'm hoping that I can make my life and find stability, living here in Turkey or somewhere else that is outside the United States, I just feel more at home outside the country where I was born and raised. That's for another conversation. So for me, I need to make drastic life changes in order to find myself again. Other people don't need that drastic life changes, really, it could be just a mindset shift. It could be how you speak to yourself. So it could be how you maintain boundaries with other people in your life. It's up to you and based on your life circumstances what you need. So that's what happens in one on one coaching, when we work directly together in a really intimate and safe setting where you learn to be safe with yourself. Where you learn to say things you don't usually stay in front of other people, where you can decide and figure out what you want in life. And then you figure out how you're gonna get there. Right? A lot of us focus on the goals, external goals, like I want this job, then we do we need to do to get this job. But we forget that our larger life purpose, our larger goals are spiritual goals, our big life purpose schools, those don't matter more than the job. So actually, whereas most people focus on a job, and then everything else hopefully will fit in. I believe that we should reverse engineer our lives by figuring out what do we want in life. And then a job will figure its way inside our life and then it and then we make it all work together. Right. So that's what happened to one of my coaching and group coaching, it's quite different. I'm often a facilitator, I'm often holding space for a larger group of people so they can come together and build community. And I facilitate that without a facilitator. Often it's really difficult for groups to be cohesive, to feel a sense of community, but you have a really strong facilitator who ensures that space will be shame free, guilt free advice free, for example, it can be really beautiful. So in group coaching, I have the ongoing Rama collective membership program. The most important the most exciting program we just finished was The Rama Ramadan circle, we had a really large group of people, but it still felt like a very intimate space. Why? Because first of all, I like to put people to break out rooms by priority with the kind of groups like I create is that people get to know one another. So I put people in breakout rooms, I match people for Ramadan gentle accountability partners, and we have lots of discussions. So the group coaching program, what usually happens is we always start with if it's for muscles or sign that to her and grounding ourselves with intention. Then I'll usually start with a breath work or mindfulness practice to ground ourselves within our bodies within our, the space that we're present in. And then we have a very different activity discussion activities, movement activities, group activities, to really get people thinking to get people talking to one another, talking to one another, and with one another. Struck Ramadan circle is really focused on helping people experience Ramadan, minus all the shame and guilt and the pressure that other Muslims put on Muslims. So the beautiful thing is that a lot of participants reported that they experienced a really delightful and compassionate Ramadan. And they felt okay about where they were, for example, when the small children felt okay, with where they're at in their practice right before they had children. They're able to go every night to the mosque. And pray tarawih prayers, when you have small children, it's impossible, really, unless you have an amazing nanny, but even then nannies need breaks at night, late at night. So realizing what our limitations are what factors impact our life circumstances and working around that, and setting goals and a vision for the month that isn't based on checklists, but rather, is based on our capacity, and what connects us what lights us up and giving ourselves more of that, instead of pressuring ourselves with checklists that were made by someone else that don't fit our lifestyle, right. Because it I feel guilty and ashamed that we're not doing what someone else told us, we make our own vision for Ramadan. And I was so excited to see people in the group create a vision that felt delicious, and you see, and deeply moving for them. And then to follow through and along the way we had times when we assessed and readjusted. And we shift we we shifted our goals based on how our life was going at the moment based on external circumstances. So that was that's what happens in group coaching programs is creating community, creating a way that people can stay accountable to themselves through sharing within a group setting. It also is really important that people know that they're not the only one. So if you notice a pattern in the podcast, I want you to hear stories of other women. Because I want you to know you're not the only one. And also the group when you're in a community of people who are also outliers, marginalized rebels, misfits, and so on helpers, healers, and you're in a community of other people are similar. It's so heartening to be in that community where you can say things where you feel safe. For so many years, I feel like I was practicing performative piety, I was posturing I was pretending to be someone I wasn't that hide a lot of myself. I had to hide a lot of things about myself, my beliefs, my practices. And you know what I am who I am, I can't change that. I am who I am because of my life experiences because my family background because of where I grew up. Because of the people I've met, the places I've been the education I've received, and I can't change it, I can't force myself to be someone else. Just to give you an example. You know, I grew up in a very liberal West Coast family and San Francisco, my mother's quite strong feminist. And then when I was quite young, when I became Muslim, I also then married my ex husband, who is from the countryside of Egypt, from a very poor farming family. And he received his entire education from Al Azhar, which is an Islamic seminary. So he received all of his K to 12 education and his BA and all of his graduate school at the same university, which is very Islamic and conservative, traditional. We have very different upbringings and life experiences. For a long time when I was with him, I had to conform to his understanding of Islam. And I always felt like an imposter really, because I'm not Egyptian, I'm not from the countryside, I have very different life circumstances. And he did not honor that. And so then I had to force myself into that. And I tried to adopt some of the beliefs that he shared with me that he impressed upon me. But you know what, I think I did a pretty bad job at trying to do that, because it just didn't work for me. I am who I am. And for example, my California is my San Francisco and as will never leave me, that place where I grew up, that kind of family I had the people I was surrounded with, from all different walks of life, from all different genders and sexual orientations and ethnic and national backgrounds. Growing up in that environment, I had no treasure, it's so much. And I know it made me who I am. And I can't deny that I can't toss it out. Just because I became Muslim, doesn't mean I raised my identity, but so many people who become Muslim think that they need to erase their identity and take on someone else's identity from a different background. And doesn't work like that. So I want you to know, you're not the only one and now we've all had our own special life circumstances. I just want to tell you, it's okay and it's safe. To be you, you are loved. We see you. We hear you. We validate you, no matter how different you are and other people than other Muslims, you are just as worthy. We're just as valuable, we need you just as much as anyone else in society. So with this season, season two, that's really exciting, I have lots of lovely woman to introduce you to. And when I feel like it, I will be sharing my own reflections in solo episodes. I'm excited to talk more about my own journey, my own experiences. I'm hopefully working on a book that a couple of different book projects and if either one of them interests you, let me know, I love to hear your thoughts on it. One of the book projects I'm working on now, is really a compassion based approach to Islam. What would it be like that instead of a fear based Islam, we took a compassion beach approach. That's what the book is, is me thinking out loud about what that looks like, I'm trying to create that within my own home, for example, within the community, I create what that looks like on a larger basis. And what are the steps that's let's say you're tired of following a fear based Islam that you're raised in, or that you're taught later on? What it look like to pivot towards a compassion base, Islam. So I don't know exactly how the book will turn out. But that's the intention I have for it. And the other project, I think it's a book project is really about how to embody and approach Islamic rituals. I've struggled and I know many Muslims struggle with Islamic rituals, especially prayer five times a day is a lot for some people. It's a lot to get to the habit. And if you fall out of the habit, it's even harder to get back into it. I know, I've been there many times. And I can't tell you how many other Muslims have told me and these are Muslims who are from all different backgrounds, from very religious families who've always prayed from people who who've never really prayed but one to a lot of people struggle, but it's a topic that's very taboo. Muslims are often scared to share this with other Muslims, the fact that they're struggling to pray. If you admit that you are struggling to pray in front of another Muslim, it's very possible that you'll be shamed, and told that you're just a bad Muslim. So it's a hard topic to talk about publicly. Even I am very careful in how I speak about it. But I'll admit that I do struggle with it. Sometimes it's been easier than others. But when I approach Islam from a compassionate base based perspective, it makes it easier and harder, it makes it easier because I love doing it. And I'm not scared if I don't do it. But it's harder and that the motivation is perhaps less in a way, there's so many benefits. But sometimes fear base motivates people more than love base. And so we have to learn to train ourselves to be motivated by love as much as we are by fair. So that's the other book project. I'm excited to talk about my upcoming book that will be published very soon by Oxford University Press, Muslim prayer and American public life. It'll be out in all the main booksellers you can go Google my name, and write Oxford University Press. You can find it on all the main online booksellers I have no idea if they'll sell it in stores. It'll be published, I think, both in the US and the UK and you can get it shipped from anywhere you live. It's basically an academic book about how Muslims in the United States navigate fair and us pretty hostile environment. So today is just me sharing with you and talking about what's up. You can expect lots more interviews to come with the podcast if you know anyone who you think would be a good fit for me to have a conversation with please let me know I'd love to be in touch with her. And I wish you and send you so many blessings and love and compassion. Please take care of yourself. We need you strong and loved and loving in this environment.