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COVEpod | Carganilla Online Variety Entertainment Podcast | Storytelling, Interviews, Poetry, Music, Arts & Inspiration
In the Carganilla Online Variety Entertainment Podcast, host Paul Carganilla [joined by his family and friends] offer a wide variety of entertainment offerings, including: music, poetry, storytelling, special guest interviews, dramatic readings, thought-provoking conversations, inspiration, and more!
Along with highlighting the work of established creators, this podcast celebrates the power of creativity, imagination, and inspiration. More than just an entertainment podcast, the COVE Podcast seeks to inspire its audience through performances and introspection from a community of like-minded individuals driven by the belief that dreams can become reality. Together, we cultivate a positive and supportive podcast community that entertains and empowers listeners to take bold steps toward their creative, professional, and personal life goals.
COVEpod | Carganilla Online Variety Entertainment Podcast | Storytelling, Interviews, Poetry, Music, Arts & Inspiration
"Wonderful Time" - A Play by Jonathan Marc Sherman | COVEpod 37
Imagine the electric atmosphere of a theater, the stage alive with the raw emotions of young adulthood, as we share Jonathan Marc Sherman's "Wonderful Time," a play that strikes the chords of love, life, and the laughter in between. This episode isn't just a casual listen; it's an invitation to the front row of an intimate, energizing performance starring Stephanie Renee Wall, Hunter Ackerman, Darrin Ingram, Todd Stubbler, Karen Baughn, Sam Mikelic, and COVEpod host Paul Carganilla, as they navigate the trials of rebellious prom nights, candid wedding speeches, and the unpredictable waves of new romance. It's a tapestry of human connection, complete with mature language and the unfiltered zest of life.
[ NO COPYRIGHT OR PROFIT INTENDED. Jonathan Marc Sherman is the Author and sole and exclusive Author of the Play "WONDERFUL TIME" ]
CAST:
Linus Worth - Paul Carganilla
Betsy Flynn - Stephanie Renee Wall
Clyde - Hunter Ackerman
Female Utility - Karen Baughn
Male Utility - Todd Stubbler , Sam Mikelic
Narrator - Darrin Ingram
COVE EPISODE VIDEOS: www.covetube.com
COVE DIRECTORY: https://linktr.ee/covepod
COVE PATREON: www.patreon/covepodcast
CONTACT: covepod@gmail.com
VOICE-OVER INTRODUCTION: Jonathan Freeman ( 'Jafar' in the "Aladdin" animated films )
SOCIAL MEDIA TEAM: Craig Jackman, Emily Thatcher, Christina Marie Bielen, Dary Mills, Amanda Benjamin
PATREON CURATORS: Jamie Carganilla, Emily Thatcher, The Faeryns, Charity Swanson, Krista Faith King, Kelsey B Gibson, Angelica Bollschweiler, Anna Giannavola, Gina Dobbs, Merrill Mielke, Susan Kuhn, Josefa Snider
INTRO MUSIC: “Papi Beat” [ KICKTRACKS ]
CREDITS MUSIC: “Fat Banana” [ KICKTRACKS ]
HOST, CREATOR, EXECUTIVE PRODUCER, CREATIVE DIRECTOR, EDITOR: Paul Carganilla
[ NO COPYRIGHT OR PROFIT INTENDED. Jonathan Marc Sherman is the Author and sole and exclusive Author of the Play "WONDERFUL TIME" ]
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Carganella Online Variety Entertainment Podcast. Here's your host, Paul Carganella.
Speaker 2:Hello and welcome to Cove. This is the online variety show at which we aim to both entertain and inspire both our podcast listeners and YouTube viewers through a variety of different art forms, including music, storytelling, poetry, special guest interviews, travel blogs and so much more. Today, I'm going to feature a full-length play reading of a play called Wonderful Time by playwright Jonathan Mark Sherman. Now, when the COVID pandemic came down, my friends and I started a YouTube channel called the Vodacity Network and on that network, we did some improv comedy, we did live shows, live music and featured several live readings of plays, and this is just one of them. We actually read this one in April 2021, three years ago but I wanted to dust it off because it was just so much fun and I think you will enjoy listening to it here in the podcast realm. And, of course, if you want to watch the video, head over to CoveTubecom. It's on our CovePod YouTube channel as well if you want to see the performances and not just hear them. Speaking of performances, I want to thank, three years later, my friends Darren Ingram plays the narrator. Todd Stubbler does a utility, several different smaller male roles. Karen Bond she read the female's utility roles. My friend Sam Miklitsch read a couple of roles as well. Hunter Ackerman is one of the main actors in this reading and I played the lead opposite, my friend Stephanie Renee Wall, here in Jonathan Mark Sherman's wonderful time. I hope you enjoy it.
Speaker 2:Now, just a side note. This is we're performing this completely for free. We're not making money off of this and we have no copyright or profit intended from streaming this story. Jonathan Mark Sherman is the author and sole and exclusive author of this play, but you know we want to share it with as many people as possible, so his word gets out there. I hope you enjoy Jonathan Mark Sherman's wonderful time. I do need to say before we begin that a lot. There is some strong language in here, so we'll go ahead and say that it is rated R, but if you are of mature demeanor and you can handle a few bad words, that's all it is. There's a few bad words, but we're very excited for this. Can't wait to bring it for you, to you. So, without any further ado, ladies and gentlemen, here is Mr Jonathan Mark Sherman's wonderful time.
Speaker 3:Scene one a nondescript room. Linus Worth sits against a bland background. He's sort of good looking, sometimes charming, always lost. He is interviewed by an offstage voice Name.
Speaker 2:Linus Worth Age 23. Height 5'8" Weight, 1.75" Eyes Brown.
Speaker 4:Hair.
Speaker 2:Black Race. I'm kind of a mutt and I shouldn't have to answer that that's an optimal question. It's optional, yes, optional. I didn't know that. Ask me again.
Speaker 4:Race.
Speaker 2:Marathon.
Speaker 4:Occupation.
Speaker 2:Film, student Drugs, confusion, alcohol Confusion. Music Makes the heart grow, fonder.
Speaker 4:That's absence. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the absence of music makes the heart grow fonder. In other words, I'm fond of music, I like music. I have some CDs, compact discs, no certificates of deposit from my grandparents.
Speaker 4:Sex Confusion, male or female.
Speaker 2:Confusion Life, uh Confusion.
Speaker 3:Scene 2. Linus' dormitory room. On the wall by the bed is the famous Robert de Signo poster, la Bessaire de L'Hotel Deville, paris 1950. With a man kissing a woman as people walk by, linus sits on his bed with Robin, his girlfriend. They're in the middle of a conversation.
Speaker 2:That is a bizarre dream. Was Miss New York a finalist?
Speaker 6:Have you been with anybody else?
Speaker 2:Been with. What do you mean?
Speaker 6:Have you kissed or fooled around with or slept with somebody else? Have you been unfaithful? Have you cheated on me? You know been with yeah. What.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have been yeah.
Speaker 6:With who?
Speaker 2:Different people.
Speaker 6:What different people? Specifically, all sorts of different people.
Speaker 2:It sounds like a lot yeah.
Speaker 6:Why.
Speaker 2:Well.
Speaker 6:Am I not good enough?
Speaker 2:No, that's not, it at all.
Speaker 6:Are they better in bed? I hope so. I really do. I hope you're not losing me to a bunch of amateurs, losing you.
Speaker 2:Losing me.
Speaker 6:Why, I don't know. Maybe because you're a cheating liar and a lying cheat.
Speaker 2:I never lied to you. You never told me the truth. You can't walk out on me now.
Speaker 6:I can't. What about Clyde's wedding? I'm not going.
Speaker 5:Yeah, hey, clyde, I'm going.
Speaker 3:Linus stands and blocks the door.
Speaker 2:We're just getting ready for the trip. Get away from the door. Linus. Robin's excited to meet you too.
Speaker 6:I'll scream.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know Primal scream thing releases tension. She's Clyde buddy. I gotta go. I'll see you soon, later Robin. We've been planning this trip for so long.
Speaker 6:Get away from the door.
Speaker 2:I told everybody at home about you.
Speaker 6:Tell them a little bit more. Tell them I left you. You're an unfaithful prick. Tell them whatever you want to tell them. Just get away from the door, you macho, macho, shithead.
Speaker 2:One macho would be fine.
Speaker 6:Oh, don't try to turn this into a lesson. You stupid, stupid fuck. Yes, I needed to say stupid twice to illustrate the depths of your stupidity. One stupid just would not do.
Speaker 2:Not stupid. Okay, Robin. Okay, you were right. Those other girls amateurs. Okay, you want a comparison? Okay, those girls were Snickers bars. You're a steak, You're the main course. Just please, can't you wait until after the wedding to leave me.
Speaker 6:They're Snickers bars.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what's the matter?
Speaker 6:And I'm a steak.
Speaker 2:Prime rib filet mignon what's wrong?
Speaker 6:Snickers bars are sweeter than steak. Is that what you're saying? Is that what you mean? Robin, you think I'm not sweet enough. Snickers bars are sweeter than steak.
Speaker 2:Snickers bars, give you cavities.
Speaker 6:Snickers bars are satisfying right. Do those other girls satisfy you?
Speaker 2:Come on Robin.
Speaker 6:Do they taste better than me? Huh, do they?
Speaker 2:I can't believe we're talking about food.
Speaker 6:You're sweeter, more satisfying. They taste better One night stands Robin. It adds up Linus Seven one night stands make a week. Three hundred sixty-five one night stands make a year.
Speaker 2:You overestimate me.
Speaker 6:No, I don't Not anymore. I don't, I'm going. What about the wedding? Take a Snickers bar. I don't want to. I want you to get away from the door.
Speaker 2:I don't want you to leave like this.
Speaker 3:Robin tears down half of the Dosenio poster from the wall.
Speaker 6:What are you doing, getting you away from the door?
Speaker 3:Linus moves away from the door and walks towards the poster.
Speaker 2:This poster is ruined.
Speaker 6:We're ruined, Linus.
Speaker 2:No, no, but I mean, this is really ruined.
Speaker 6:You wouldn't get away from the door. I told you, but you wouldn't move.
Speaker 2:I don't want you to go, robin. I'm going, maybe I'll change.
Speaker 6:Maybe Bye.
Speaker 3:Robin walks out, closing the door behind her. Linus flops down onto the bed in between the two halves of the poster the man's half which hangs on the wall by the bed and the woman's half which hangs on the floor. Scene three an editing room. Linus and Ernie watch images on the viewing screen of a flatbed editing machine. Ernie is a film student like Linus, and he's editing Linus's film. Linus seems edgy, ernie seems distant.
Speaker 6:That's it.
Speaker 2:That's all the generic footage we have.
Speaker 5:Yep.
Speaker 2:We don't have more airplanes taking off. That's all she wrote. Well, none of it really lifted my spirits. None of it made me soar alongside the plane. It's all we got, but it's so cliched the plane taking off thing it's going to look like every other movie in the world.
Speaker 5:What should we do? Get some footage of some kid riding on a big wheel. It's a plane scene, Linus. The scene takes place on an airplane. The easiest way to establish that is to show a plane taking off. It's why people use these shots because they're easy.
Speaker 2:Easy is for two o'clock in the morning at some party after you've had eight beers. Now is not the time for easy.
Speaker 5:What's wrong? Nothing's wrong. What's?
Speaker 2:wrong Everything. Do you ever feel like you're about to explode? I mean, like I feel like I'm about to explode?
Speaker 5:Linus, you're a smart guy living in a confusing technological maze of fear and pain, you're supposed to feel a little lost, it's normal.
Speaker 2:Not lost. I'm about to explode. I literally I mean boom. I'm 23 years old. You know, all of a sudden, my oldest friend is getting married and it's time to grow up.
Speaker 5:Growing up is great. You can go to bed whenever you want.
Speaker 2:I got to get my life straight, figure everything out, get it in order and move along toward a happy future. Right, that would be nice. How can I do that? I don't understand anything. You understand movies? Fine, yeah, I understand movies sort of, but I don't understand women, or love or sex, or truth or my friends.
Speaker 5:Or my family, or work or society or technology, then or now or later, or any of it, I know I know you understand nothing, but don't let that prevent you from having a wild skateboard ride through this huge translucent spider we call life.
Speaker 2:Are you on something?
Speaker 5:Not really. I mean, I'm just shrooming. What Shrooming? You know, I eat some magic mushrooms and I'm tripping my brains out. Man, I just gave you some good advice and I just don't want you to deny it.
Speaker 2:You're editing my film while you're tripping. I got to get out of California now.
Speaker 5:You should get some good wedding footage.
Speaker 2:Everybody makes wedding films. The wedding banquet 16 candles, the wedding dinner Betsy's wedding.
Speaker 5:Diner the marrying man, godfather, splash Wedding in blood. Of course there are lots of weddings and films. All tragedies and in death, all comedies and in marriage, Death marriage. What's the difference? You really are down, man. Take a volume right before the plane takes off. Wash it down with some scotch. Before you know it, you'll wake up 3,000 miles away, refreshed and feeling like a newborn baby.
Speaker 2:I don't have volume. I do, of course you do. I'm going. Don't edit anything without me, I'll be fine. Seriously, I'm leaving you with my film. Don't turn it into yellow submarine.
Speaker 5:Have a nice trip.
Speaker 2:You are having a nice trip. I will have a nice flight.
Speaker 5:You get so obsessive and specific when it comes to words man Relax.
Speaker 2:My best friends getting married. You're eating magic mushrooms and floating around Jupiter when you're supposed to be editing my film. My girlfriend dumped me and I don't have a date and my flight is only a couple of hours away, so this is not the time to relax, man.
Speaker 5:Why'd Robin dump you Matt?
Speaker 2:I don't know. Yes, I do. I do kind of know. Actually, I was unfaithful. How'd you get caught? She had a dream I was kissing all the finalists in the Miss America pageant. So she asked me if I'd been with anybody else and I said yes.
Speaker 5:What Rewind? Play that back again. She has some sort of dream. You ask if you've been fucking around and you say what?
Speaker 2:She asked and I said yes.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, stupid, stupid, stupid dumb. What are you? What are you out of your mind? I don't say yeah, you say no, just say no. What were you thinking?
Speaker 2:I was thinking I should tell the truth.
Speaker 5:Why would you want to do that Lie? Everybody lies. Robin probably lied. Who dreams about the Miss America contest? Lie, fuck the truth. The truth sucks. That's why you make films. That's why I take mushrooms. The truth can suck my dick.
Speaker 2:I gotta go.
Speaker 5:Have a wonderful time.
Speaker 2:What'd you say?
Speaker 5:Have a wonderful time.
Speaker 2:Why wonderful? Huh? You always say good. Whenever I go someplace, you say have a good time. Why should I have a wonderful time this time? What's different about today?
Speaker 5:Linus man, listen, I'm tripping. All right, understand that you want to have a good time. All right, have that. Just stop being so harsh. You're really bumming me out.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, I'm just really not calm. I'm tense.
Speaker 5:If you're so tense, go to the wedding.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have to go. I'm the best man.
Speaker 5:Somebody's got to be. I'm the best man. No, I'm the best man. I'm the best man. No, I'm the best man. I'll be the best man. My hero, fuck shit, fuck shit, fuck shit. Foil again.
Speaker 3:Ernie continues to absently slap himself on the left cheek, then the right cheek, over and over Scene four. Linus walks along a path on the college campus, lost in thought, a backpack on his shoulder. He passes a female student with a video camera. She calls out to Linus. Her name is Betsy and she's a lovely free spirit, wearing a baby doll print dress with a long string of knotted pearls around her neck and wire sunglasses with blue frames on her eyes.
Speaker 7:Linus right.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 7:Quick. What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 7:Right, what's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
Speaker 2:Oh, um, well, this right now.
Speaker 7:Answering this question.
Speaker 2:No, well, you see, I haven't done it yet. I'm about to do it.
Speaker 3:Linus pulls out two plane tickets. You see these.
Speaker 7:Looking at the camera.
Speaker 2:Well, these are two round trip tickets to New York City for the weekend my best friend's getting married. I'm the best man, so you know, obviously one of these tickets is for me.
Speaker 7:Very spontaneous thing to do New York for the weekend. Highly spontaneous, great.
Speaker 2:You know, the spontaneous thing is that this ticket right here, that's yours.
Speaker 3:Linus hands one of the tickets to Betsy.
Speaker 2:And our flight is in one hour.
Speaker 7:I uh, I'm finding. Scene five Thank you, yes good.
Speaker 3:Linus and Betsy are sitting next to one another on the airplane. Linus is sitting in the aisle seat. Betsy is next to the window. Betsy has a large purse on her shoulder and a copy of Rook's Letters to a Young Poet in her hand.
Speaker 7:I was getting so fed up with all the boring things people were doing. It seemed like all the poetry had disappeared from daily life and nobody just did interesting things. Everything was just so planned and planned and self-indulgent. So I decided to do a class project exploring spontaneity among today's college students.
Speaker 2:At the risk of sounding cliche, what's your major?
Speaker 7:American Studies.
Speaker 2:At the risk of asking too many questions.
Speaker 7:What's life without risk?
Speaker 2:If you're an American Studies major, why are you reading Rilke? He wasn't American. The last time I checked.
Speaker 7:Sometimes you need to take a break from something to be able to see it with fresh eyes.
Speaker 2:That's what I said to my girlfriend. She told me to stop trying to justify cheating.
Speaker 7:Girlfriend.
Speaker 2:Ex-girlfriend.
Speaker 7:Cheating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, possibly ex-cheating, possibly just a preview of things to come for the rest of my life. I am trying to improve.
Speaker 7:That's admirable.
Speaker 2:It's a baby doll dress, isn't it?
Speaker 7:This, yeah, yeah, it's Betsy Johnson.
Speaker 2:I have many weaknesses. One of my weakest is for baby doll dresses. Let me correct that. One of my For girls in baby doll dresses. Let me correct that for women in baby doll dresses.
Speaker 7:I'm going to need some more formal dresses then.
Speaker 2:You can borrow one of my sisters for the wedding. What else are you going to need?
Speaker 7:Shoes. Everything else is in the bag. It's toothbrush, skin care volume.
Speaker 2:Volume.
Speaker 7:Thank God I have some. Six hour plane trips are not my idea of Papa Valium. Wash it down with those little bottles of something. Wake up when you get there. You should try it.
Speaker 4:If you look towards the screen in front of your cabin, you'll see a preview of our in-fight movie feature.
Speaker 1:Gatorade Tarkington from the Dallas Cowboys is Romeo, a patriotic cop who's starting to lose hope. We're losing the strength to these drug lords and I don't think there's a damn thing we can do about it Without my motorized skateboard. The owner Dresseldorf from the Calvin Klein commercials is Juliet, a hooker with a heart of gold. Only her heart stopped beating last year.
Speaker 6:I don't care who you are, god, you have to send me back down to Earth. My kid needs me.
Speaker 1:There's never been an action-adventure love story quite like this one Romeo and Juliet and Guns.
Speaker 3:Scene 6. Linus and Betsy sit in the back of a limousine. Betsy is looking at the small bar.
Speaker 7:Want something to drink.
Speaker 2:Betsy, I'm going to try something with you.
Speaker 7:I see.
Speaker 2:No, that didn't sound right. I mean, I'd like to be totally honest with you.
Speaker 7:Totally honest.
Speaker 2:I want to tell the truth.
Speaker 7:The truth.
Speaker 2:I never. I thought I never lied to my ex-girlfriend and she thought I never told the truth. So you know, I think I should make sure I tell the truth rather than just being quiet. I think it's a good idea.
Speaker 7:Go right ahead.
Speaker 2:Let me start with something easy. I'm riding in a limo with you. Your name is Betsy.
Speaker 7:My name is Linus. So far, so good.
Speaker 2:Now things get more complicated.
Speaker 7:Okay, have you ever killed anybody?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 7:Just checking.
Speaker 2:I'm nervous around you.
Speaker 6:What did I do?
Speaker 2:It's not something you did, it's just who you are. I mean, we just flew across the nation together.
Speaker 7:Oh, what do you think we should get married?
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 7:I was, I was joking.
Speaker 2:Betsy, if you have to say I'm joking after a joke, chances are it wasn't really funny. We're going to a wedding tomorrow. Come on, it's not something to joke about.
Speaker 7:You just seemed so serious all of a sudden.
Speaker 2:I didn't. I didn't used to be the person I am now. I was crazy. It was crazy for a while.
Speaker 7:What do you mean, crazy?
Speaker 2:I was different. It all came to a boiling point when I had this date with Destiny.
Speaker 7:What kind of date with Destiny?
Speaker 2:The kind where you take a hooker to the prom.
Speaker 7:Is this for real?
Speaker 2:I'll show you the prom pictures. I have them at home.
Speaker 7:No, couldn't you have? I don't know, asked a cheerleader.
Speaker 2:I got really obsessed with going to the prom with a professional. It was my rebellious period. I had long hair, drugs, drinking, but it didn't seem complete without a prostitute named Destiny as a prom date.
Speaker 7:Your name wasn't really Destiny.
Speaker 2:Destiny O'Toole. Oh my God, she said it was on her birth certificate. She was actually pretty sweet, but when I was, you know screwing her.
Speaker 6:You slept with her.
Speaker 2:You buy a car, you drive it. Oh, there I was. I had created my own little scandal. I was wasted. I was on top of this woman, my hair was longer than her hair and I thought of Jennifer.
Speaker 7:Who's Jennifer?
Speaker 2:Jennifer Kretnik. She was a friend of mine when I was a little kid, eight or nine years old, I used to go over to her apartment to play. I tell my mom, hey, I'm going to Jennifer's to play, didn't know what we'd do, we didn't plan anything, we just set aside an afternoon to just have fun. You know, and we did, we always did. We found a way to enjoy ourselves. We didn't need props or poses, it didn't have to be hip or cool or interesting, we just played. And I decided right there, on top of an Irish hooker named Destiny, I wanted to play again, just play.
Speaker 2:I cut my hair the next day.
Speaker 7:I wrote a Huey Lewis fan letter.
Speaker 2:That's not so bad.
Speaker 7:I sent him my underwear.
Speaker 2:That's bad.
Speaker 7:I sent my underwear to every teen idol I could think of praying. My parents would get upset you know, and I like my parents.
Speaker 2:Did they get upset?
Speaker 7:No, no, they just kept buying me more underwear. I tried, I tried everything. Anything to get them to pay attention. I tried to get them to pay attention to the typical stuff. Anything to shock the shit out of them. They kept trying to set me up with everybody's uh, you know these twisted parade of a bunch of rich, handsome boys marching, headed for success, marching towards our house with this parental seal of approval Boring as hell, incredibly predictable, always doing something to prove that they weren't like everybody else, that they were really wacky and different. I started out with a guitar player who bit my breasts. He bit the. Are you okay? No, yeah, that part was great, that was great, but he stole my second favorite necklace, and that that wasn't so great. He did make my parents really upset, though, so I guess it was worth it in some weird twisted way.
Speaker 2:He got the job done.
Speaker 7:Finishing and work weren't really his specialties, but he was dynamite for our first two and a half weeks. Those, those were undeniably great.
Speaker 2:They always are Sure are, Do you? Do you think we were meant to mate for life?
Speaker 7:You and me.
Speaker 2:Nope People in general. The average caveman only lived 17 years. You know, that's true. It's a true fact. I'm a scholar in caveman.
Speaker 7:Okay, listen, hold on, imagine, just go with me. Imagine an eight and a half year old caveman having a midlife crisis Okay Divorcing his nine year old cavewife and dating a cave girl half his age.
Speaker 2:Four, just four.
Speaker 7:It's fine.
Speaker 2:I mean till death. Do us part to a caveman was like saying till next week. I don't know what things like modern dentistry, keeping people alive until they're a hundred years old, it's a. It's a frightening commitment to make.
Speaker 7:You have given this one a lot of thought.
Speaker 2:I just broke up with my girlfriend. Actually, she she broke up with me because I couldn't stay faithful. Yes, it's been on my mind. I'm stressed out and I just want to play. Spin the bottle.
Speaker 7:Well, it might not be too suspenseful with just the two of us, but you know we could. We could ask the chauffeur.
Speaker 2:Do you like me at all? What do you think I'm cute or nice or funny or I don't know interesting or anything remotely attractive? Or was I just something spontaneous?
Speaker 7:I like you.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I'm just. I'm just trying to be truthful, you know I'm. I was wondering and you see, I kind of like you too, I think. But the but the main, the, the main reason I wanted you to come I actually really like you come to think of it and the main reason I wanted you to come was absolute fear and terror.
Speaker 7:You keep saying things like that, you keep getting tense and afraid, and then we make some jokes and then you get tense and afraid again. Is this, is it just the going home? Is it going home with me? What is?
Speaker 2:it. All the things I did back back back when I was crazy before, before I cut my hair, all of the things that I did I did with Clyde. I did everything with Clyde and he's getting married and he's expecting me to come and be his best man. He's expecting to meet this wonderful young woman I've been telling him about for years and she broke up with me this morning.
Speaker 7:Oh, this morning.
Speaker 2:This morning.
Speaker 7:I didn't know that.
Speaker 2:It's because I didn't tell you. I didn't tell you, I mean functionally. I guess the relationship has been over for a while, but officially, 1045 this morning, pacific time.
Speaker 7:Are you all right? Do I seem like I'm all right? No, actually I'm sort of all right.
Speaker 2:But the prospect of facing my past alone would have made me not all right. So I asked you to come with me, and here you are and here I am. I'm not going to be your husband. I'm not going to be your husband. I'm not going to be your husband. I'm not going to be your husband.
Speaker 7:And here I am.
Speaker 3:Scene seven Linus' childhood bedroom with a teddy bear on the bed. Linus and Betsy walk in.
Speaker 7:Where is everybody?
Speaker 2:Well, my sister's a little party queen and my dad travels a lot ever since my mom died, I think he's in Japan now no, is he doing in Japan? I'm not at liberty to say.
Speaker 3:Linus takes a photograph from the bookshelf and hands it to Betsy.
Speaker 2:This is my prom picture.
Speaker 3:Linus walks to the closet and takes out a tuxedo.
Speaker 2:This is my tux.
Speaker 3:Linus reaches into the jacket pocket and pulls out a business card and this is Destiny's card.
Speaker 7:Oh, that's all Just just Destiny.
Speaker 2:It's her name and her phone number 337-8469. T-e-s-t-i-n-y.
Speaker 7:How convenient. I told you I wasn't making it up. Oh, my God, you sure weren't. Oh, she's very pretty.
Speaker 2:I paid double for this, you stupid. I figured you know how many proms does the guy have? Mm-hmm, um, you can sleep in here. I'll sleep in my, in my dad's room. Okay, I'll get some dresses from Sally's closet so you can pick something out for tomorrow.
Speaker 7:Um, can I? Can I take a t-shirt or something to like sleep in?
Speaker 2:What's mine is yours, you may regret that Okay.
Speaker 3:Linus walks out of the room. Betsy takes a t-shirt and box her shorts from the closet, goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. After a few moments, Linus walks in and hangs five dresses on some hooks that hang on the wall. The bathroom door opens and Betsy walks out wearing the t-shirt and box her shorts. She just washed her face.
Speaker 2:That shirt Never looked like that when I wore it.
Speaker 7:Wow, a couple of silicone injections. You'd be a new woman, Linus.
Speaker 2:I brought five for you to look at.
Speaker 7:Ooh, rainbow colors like assorted fruit lifesavers that's what.
Speaker 2:I was going for.
Speaker 3:Betsy takes letters from a young poet from her purse.
Speaker 2:You gonna read.
Speaker 7:I always read in bed. Puts me to sleep.
Speaker 2:I could read it to you if you wanted.
Speaker 7:Sure, that would be nice.
Speaker 3:Betsy flips on the lamp by the bed, turns off the main room light and gets into bed. Linus walks over and sits on the edge of the bed. Betsy picks up the teddy bear.
Speaker 7:Does this bear have a name?
Speaker 2:He more the bear. He's great for venting aggression.
Speaker 3:Linus throws the teddy bear across the room and hits the wall. I've missed that bear.
Speaker 2:It's horrible. It's a stuffed animal.
Speaker 3:Linus opens the book.
Speaker 2:Now let's see here Letters to a young poet. Letter number three Grow up and stop rhyming. It doesn't say that I'm reading between the lines. You do your way, I'll do mine.
Speaker 7:Can you just read it?
Speaker 3:Let's see now. Linus reads Betsy a bit of the third letter as lights fade. Scene eight a banquet hall where Clyde's wedding is taking place. Linus picks up a glass of water from the table. He taps a spoon against the glass a few times.
Speaker 2:I'm Told, its customary for the best man to make a toast. So Clyde was my first friend. We got baby pictures together. We grew up together. I Remember when we were ten, clyde and I, we were bored.
Speaker 2:We were bored one day and we decided to go check out the the temple of danger at the Met. So there we are. I'm about to throw a penny into the water surrounding the temple to make my wish. Clyde hands me a skateboard to hold and says and Says he wants to wade through the water. He starts taking off his sneakers and socks and I'm standing next to him saying Clyde, you're crazy, you're gonna get in trouble. I'm, I'm staying right here, right. But he wouldn't listen. He said he had a Big wish to make, too big for just a penny. He had to really use himself, really use his whole self for this one. So, sure enough, when the coast is clear and no guards are in the room, yeah, clyde walked through the wishing pool and got out the other side. Uh-huh, and the next day he he not only Not only got his first kiss, but he got his second kiss as well. Mm-hmm. Yeah, thereby beating me to female lips by approximately two years. And now I'm not.
Speaker 2:Here we are 13 years later and Clyde's getting married. I'm supposed to make a best man a Toast, because I'm the best man and all I can say is you must be crazy. You may, you may get in trouble. You may be crazy and at least for the moment I'm staying right where I am. But you, clyde, you, you know you. You have a beautiful bride, jolie. May all your wishes come true. That's it, I'm done. Everybody can go back to what they were doing.
Speaker 3:See, nine Linus and Clyde are sitting at a table talking passionately to one another with the way too old friends who haven't seen each other and a way too long can do after they warm up. Clyde is a wealthy young beatnik with a goatee and a gold card. He's wearing tails and sunglasses.
Speaker 8:Racism. It's big issue. It's tough to comprehend. It's lots of different angles. I mean, it's massive. See, I take little steps, refuse to do my laundry, eat Reese's peat and butter cups instead, what you see, this is this is exactly what I'm telling you. You, you overlook this kind of stuff when you do your laundry. You're supposed to separate the colors from the whites, right? Well, there's no way I'm gonna support something like that. So instead I find comfort in a Reese's peanut butter cup. You get your chocolate in my peanut butter. No, no, no. You got your peanut butter on my chocolate. The first. Granted, it's a rather frightening concept, but you taste it and you realize combining different elements and tastes, you know it isn't such a bad idea. You just have your maid do your laundry.
Speaker 2:You just have your maid do your laundry, that's beside the point the point is.
Speaker 8:The point is that there are important messages in unexpected places and it's our duty to search for them.
Speaker 2:I Do that with good and plenty. I Always get them as a sort of model for my life, my desire for a balanced life, a life of good and plenty.
Speaker 8:Too much candy. It's just not good for you. It's in fruit instead.
Speaker 2:Good and plenty moral, yet still an abundance of riches.
Speaker 8:Riches or women?
Speaker 2:Yes, both either yes.
Speaker 8:I don't know man, I've modeled my life after Applejack, you know, the kid on the cereal box, just an upside-down happy kind of guy.
Speaker 2:But what about the reality before the reality behind the fantasy? Applejack falls on his head. If people need fantasy, I don't know. I don't know. You buy a piece of bazooka chewing gum. You read the comic. There's bazooka Joe with his patch on his eye. Nobody ever says hey, bazooka Joe, remember that one time the Spike went through your eye and you bled profusely? Wasn't that funny? I?
Speaker 3:Need a drink. Well, I'd finish this the drink on the table in front of him. I.
Speaker 2:Need another drink you're drinking a lot.
Speaker 8:You want a drink? I.
Speaker 2:Don't drink anymore, Clyde.
Speaker 8:Oh, right, right, I'm sorry, I knew that. I'm sorry, I just I'm, I'm used to you, just I know. Well, I do want another drink. Come get one with me. You can get a, surely temple or something.
Speaker 2:You are the groom.
Speaker 3:Linus and Clyde get up. Clyde spots two half finished drinks and stops.
Speaker 8:Now is the glass half full or half empty? See, here's the trick. You find one each. You mix them together.
Speaker 3:Clyde pours the drink in one of the glasses into the other glass and stirs it with his finger.
Speaker 8:Good stiff drink.
Speaker 3:Clyde drinks his concoction and walks off. Linus follows him. Scene 10 the men's bathroom. Linus and Clyde walk in. Clyde is drinking a vodka cranberry. Linus is drinking a surely temple.
Speaker 8:I like her. Linus Is I really do. I Mean, I think she's a good person. We laugh. I think she's smart. I Like the way she looks when she wakes up. We have really good sex. You know, we laugh sometimes and sometimes we don't laugh and I don't know. Man, I guess you know, I guess I, I guess I love her. Valentine's Day doesn't bug me anymore. You know what I'm saying. Plus, it's a great reason to throw a party and wake up into adulthood really fast. Right, it's just like. It's like a microwave coming of age, but I really do love her.
Speaker 2:I really do love catfish, but I don't want to eat it three meals a day for the rest of my life. I'm a Gemini, I can't choose just one thing, and I shouldn't have to Four basic food groups. So why just one woman? Tell me that.
Speaker 8:Because women aren't food.
Speaker 2:We evidently don't know the same people. I walk around campus at school, you know, and it's really hot, the temperature is high, the girls don't wear a lot and they look delicious. You talk to them at a party or a class or a cafeteria and you know they just they sound tasty.
Speaker 8:They sound tasty.
Speaker 2:It's like a buffet of women. There's just so many of them.
Speaker 8:There are a lot of extraordinary women in this world, I know.
Speaker 2:I had this twisted dream the other night. Three menage trois, a menage trois of menage trois, a triangle right, two women on each point, me smack dab in the middle. Diana Ross and Farrah Fawcett were over there. Audrey Hepburn and Vivian Lee were over here. Marsha Brady and Rosalyn Carter were over there. Wait did you just say Rosalyn Carter? Hotest first lady until Michelle Obama?
Speaker 4:Yes, six older women and me.
Speaker 2:It was, it just was. I love older women, except how do you pick them up, right? What do you say? Remember Watergate? I don't.
Speaker 3:Clyde finishes the drink he was holding and pulls a pack of rolling papers and a small bag of marijuana from one of his pockets. He starts rolling a joint.
Speaker 2:You know, from an evolutionary standpoint it makes more sense. It makes sense for men to fuck around.
Speaker 8:Biologically. I mean Wait, where the fuck did that come from?
Speaker 2:It's just stuff that's been on my mind.
Speaker 8:Just because something's been on your mind doesn't mean you can use Darwin to justify your sex life. All right.
Speaker 2:I'm serious. Minogamy just makes more sense for women. For women, the focus is quality, for men, quantity.
Speaker 8:I can't believe you are really using Darwin to justify your sex life. Linus, linus, I'm shocked, I'm serious. I'm aware of that. Listen, you can justify your point of view and I can justify mine. I've got somebody who I know, somebody who I really care about. I know stories about our childhood. Why would I want to go through all the getting to know somebody, stuff again?
Speaker 2:Because that's the best part, that can be the best part. I just I love the mystery, the excitement of getting to know somebody new, exploring their body for the first time, getting used to the way their skin tastes, not knowing who they are, just knowing you want to be together.
Speaker 8:Sounds very less tango in Paris, if you ask me.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Yes, I love that movie. No names Everything outside this room is bullshit. Yes, exactly, that is what I love. That's what I love.
Speaker 8:May I remind you what happens at the end of last tango in Paris, linus? Well, after the sodomy with the butter, the lady kills the guy, he gets killed at the end.
Speaker 3:Clyde turns and speaks directly to the audience.
Speaker 8:By the way sorry if I spoiled it for you there is a scene with sodomy and butter, and you should have seen it by now.
Speaker 3:Scene 11, the banquet hall. Betsy is sitting alone at a table. Peter, an attractive guy the same age as Linus and Clyde, sits down next to her. People are starting to talk.
Speaker 7:What about?
Speaker 3:You sitting here all alone. They say you're in love with yourself. Say it ain't so.
Speaker 7:Well, if you don't love yourself, how can you begin to love anybody or anything else?
Speaker 3:Touche, I don't think I've ever seen you before.
Speaker 7:I know I've never seen you before.
Speaker 3:Are you a friend of the bride?
Speaker 7:No, no, I'm a friend of the groom.
Speaker 3:I'm a friend of the groom, but you're not with me Makes me think you must be with a different friend of the groom.
Speaker 7:Sherlock Holmes move out of the way.
Speaker 3:Who's your friend?
Speaker 7:Linus Worth. Oh God.
Speaker 3:You must be Robin. All of us heard about you for so long. You know, I grew up with Linus.
Speaker 7:Excuse me, my name is Betsy. I'm not Robin. I'm Betsy.
Speaker 3:Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker 7:Nice to meet you.
Speaker 3:My name's Peter.
Speaker 7:Nice to meet you, Peter.
Speaker 3:Nice to meet you. Betsy, I just thought you know that Linus will be coming with Robin.
Speaker 7:Oh, they broke up yesterday.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's too bad. Well, good old Linus, sort of a Superman that way, faster than a speeding bullet, gets right back on the proverbial horse and all.
Speaker 7:I don't mean to burst your bubble or whatever, but Linus and I haven't even so much as kissed one another.
Speaker 3:Oh, I see Just friends.
Speaker 7:We just met, actually yesterday.
Speaker 3:We didn't, he didn't, he didn't buy any chance hire you.
Speaker 7:Are you asking if I'm a whore?
Speaker 3:I just it's just that at our prom.
Speaker 7:No, it's okay, I'm not. I'm not a professional. I go to school with Linus. We hang out with different people, but I saw this film we made.
Speaker 3:How are his films? All of us back here are always trying to make him send something along a videotape or something, but what's his stuff like? What's it about?
Speaker 7:Well, the one I saw. They were showing a bunch of student films and Linus showed his this short film called First Kiss. It starts off one afternoon, late late in the afternoon, on this empty beach, and this boy drives up in a big truck with a friend. Okay, and they start taking things from the back of the truck an enormous brass bed and beautiful bedding. And then there are. They use these two poles with some canvas stretch between them. They secure the poles in the water, so there's a small movie screen a little ways off off the shore and it keeps getting a little darker bit by bit.
Speaker 7:Okay, then the friend gets into the truck and drives off While the boy put some film into the projector and make sure nobody comes along to ruin anything and adjust everything, just so. And then finally the truck comes back and the door opens and out walks this girl who sees the boy and the bed and the moon and the makeshift movie theater, and she smiles. So they, they get on the bed and the movie starts. It's Willy Wonka and they kiss for the first time and they just keep kissing as if none of it was planned. All of it just happened. This, this one moment, that just just was.
Speaker 3:It reminds me of this film I saw when I was in Paris in my junior year, scene 12. The men's bathroom. Linus and Clyde are standing in front of the bathroom mirror.
Speaker 2:Clyde is smoking a joint and she asked me if I had been unfaithful, and he told her the truth. I'm so confused.
Speaker 1:You want to hit.
Speaker 2:No, I just want to be not confused.
Speaker 8:You sure you don't want to hit?
Speaker 2:Why do you so smoke that stuff? You know, I want to hear. I want to hear what you have to say.
Speaker 8:I mean Sherlock Holmes said to escape on we, I say to alleviate boredom, Same idea.
Speaker 2:Clyde, if you have to alleviate boredom at your own wedding, you might be in some serious trouble.
Speaker 8:It calms me down, all right. I mean, who knows if this is even real? Any of this is real, I don't know. Maybe we're not in control of our own lives anyway. Maybe we're elaborate puppets. Maybe maybe this mirror is a camera. Maybe maybe there's an audience of people and it's some kind of crazy psychedelic zoom meeting being broadcast on something like YouTube that we haven't even heard of yet. Maybe there's just this audience of beings out there watching us, just watching what we do. So what if I get married or don't get married, you know, in the long run, we're born, we fuck and we die, you're baked, I'm married and I'm drunk and I want to go on my honeymoon and bone down. That's it.
Speaker 2:We've been away from your party for so long. Your wife has probably run off with the DJ.
Speaker 8:Hug me why.
Speaker 3:Because I love you. You fuck. Now come here, hug me Linus, hugs Clyde.
Speaker 8:I love you man.
Speaker 3:Same here. Buddy Clyde breaks from the hug.
Speaker 8:All right, I got a honeymoon to get on with.
Speaker 3:Clyde stubs out the joint on one of the sinks. He takes out some vising in binocca and puts some vising in his eyes and sprays the binocca in his mouth.
Speaker 8:Over and.
Speaker 2:Oh, um out.
Speaker 3:They exit the bathroom, scene 13, the banquet hall. Betsy and Peter are sitting at a table. Linus walks over.
Speaker 2:Hey Peter.
Speaker 3:Hey, Linus Betsy here was just telling me about the stuff you're doing out on the West Coast. Sounds great.
Speaker 2:Actually, no, it doesn't sound great because all I've made are silent films so far. But when I make one that does sound great, you'll be the first to know.
Speaker 3:Same old Linus, always kidding.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you obnoxious, boring piece of shit.
Speaker 3:Excuse me.
Speaker 2:Oh you know, same old Linus, always kidding.
Speaker 3:Right, well, betsy, it's been a pleasure. Excuse me, peter walks away. Linus sits in his chair, ahem.
Speaker 7:Linus, that wasn't very nice.
Speaker 2:There's a lot to unpack there. He's been a prick since we were seven.
Speaker 7:Well, at least he's consistent.
Speaker 2:Did he have anything interesting to say?
Speaker 7:Well, he talked to me, which is more than I can say for you.
Speaker 2:I'm talking to you now.
Speaker 7:Where have you been the past 45 minutes?
Speaker 2:I was with Clyde, we were talking.
Speaker 7:I was about to call the police and report you as kidnapped.
Speaker 2:What if I said I was sorry?
Speaker 7:Well, it depends on if it's an apology or a description Both Well, I'd say that actions speak louder than words.
Speaker 2:You shouldn't have to say actions, speak louder than words. You should act. You should speak louder than words. Okay, alright, what if I show you the best time of your life tonight? Spontaneity at its finest. You will paint the town red.
Speaker 7:I'd say red is my favorite color.
Speaker 3:Linus pulls the cherry out of his Shirley Temple and hands it to Betsy.
Speaker 7:Here, oh, thank you.
Speaker 3:Betsy eats the cherry holding the stem.
Speaker 7:You're wondering if I can knot this stem with my tongue, aren't you?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 7:Keep wondering.
Speaker 3:Betsy toss the cherry stem away.
Speaker 2:What'd you and Peter talk about?
Speaker 7:Oh, and we just kissed a lot.
Speaker 2:Oh, really.
Speaker 7:No, no, we talked about you mostly.
Speaker 2:What did he say?
Speaker 7:I said more than he did. I told him about first kiss.
Speaker 2:My film first kiss. Yeah, you saw that yeah.
Speaker 7:Last year.
Speaker 2:What'd you think?
Speaker 7:I don't think I'd be here with you if I hated it.
Speaker 2:So things are not as spontaneous as they seem.
Speaker 7:Maybe not Maybe so.
Speaker 2:I have a confession to make. I sort of knew you too.
Speaker 7:How. I saw you at a party once, I remember it very well.
Speaker 2:I looked across the room and I spotted some pearls which you don't see every day these days. So I looked up to see who was wearing them. And there you are and you were talking to somebody just smiling and laughing, and I forgot about the pearls.
Speaker 3:I was just like. I'm going to take a picture of you. I'm going to take a picture of you, let's go. Linus takes Betsy by the hand and starts to walk out.
Speaker 2:Betsy doesn't quite know what to make of Linus's abruptness. What's the rush?
Speaker 3:I don't like goodbyes, and also I don't want to miss the temple of Dendur. What they walk out, no, before the temple of Dendur, it was to be called the person fuel tank of god or the spirit that made themισomple, but is profound and beautiful in its own eye.
Speaker 2:They temper disciples in Japan and owned a sister crowd and stroked the hands of coconuts in国 no-transcript weeks later.
Speaker 3:Then they headed to Gegie's frogs堅城, which they said was safe in எh생玉冔道. Parent can tie up this 还是 take our license and paint together in אנ.
Speaker 7:All those different wishes in there.
Speaker 2:I love wishes. The only reason I own a digital clock is when it's 11-11, you get to make a wish. You do that Ever since I was a kid Same with me the only two things you can trust in this world 11-11 and the wishing pool at the temple of Jendur. Nothing else works.
Speaker 7:What makes you so short?
Speaker 2:God told me.
Speaker 7:Oh, oh, oh. God tells you things, does he?
Speaker 2:We were getting drunk once at a bar and he confided in me oh God, drinks he used to. Oh, he's an AA now, or is it AAA?
Speaker 7:Oh, that's actually cars Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he doesn't kiss his Jeep brakes, but AA really keeps him alive.
Speaker 7:My name's God. I'm an alcoholic.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 7:So all that God is dead, stuff was wrong. That's good, that is good to know.
Speaker 2:He was so upset by the whole thing. He wasn't dead, he was just a hangover. He just needed a nap. You're not tired, are you?
Speaker 4:No wide awake.
Speaker 7:I slept like a baby last night.
Speaker 2:We have a whole, a full night ahead of us.
Speaker 7:Oh, what's it full of.
Speaker 2:Spontaneity. That's all I claim to know.
Speaker 7:There's no plan, just go along for the ride.
Speaker 2:Yep, okay. Well, we didn't miss the temple of Jendur. I had to see it for old time's sake. I've seen it, you've seen it. Well, let's go Okay.
Speaker 7:Are we going to be leaving every place in a hurry?
Speaker 2:this evening Is that there's no plan.
Speaker 7:That's not true. Spontaneity is a plan.
Speaker 2:Well, aren't we in college?
Speaker 7:Well, what's that supposed to mean?
Speaker 2:I'll analyze sentences back in California. There's no time for that sort of thing right now. Okay, we've got a town to paint.
Speaker 3:Blindness starts to walk out. Betsy glances at the pennies in the water.
Speaker 7:I wonder if my wish will come true. What?
Speaker 3:do you wish for?
Speaker 7:I don't even try it.
Speaker 3:They walk out Scene 15. Linus and Betsy are standing on the Empire State Building's observation deck looking out over Manhattan and beyond through the clear night air, at the lights and the birds flying around.
Speaker 2:Last time I was here, I got a nose bleed.
Speaker 7:Ugh, no wonder.
Speaker 2:I was doing a lot of things. I was doing a lot of cocaine with Clyde. The view looks so different when you're paranoid.
Speaker 7:You can see everything.
Speaker 2:Give me something to throw at the birds.
Speaker 7:If you dropped a penny from up here and hit somebody on the head, you think you would really drill a hole and kill them.
Speaker 2:The bad news is, yes, it would kill them. The good news is, it'd be an epic wish.
Speaker 7:No, no, no. I thought 1111 and the Temple of Dender were the only surefire wishes.
Speaker 2:Yes, but it also works when you kill somebody with a penny.
Speaker 5:Cool, Cool cool, cool.
Speaker 7:You and your wishes. You made one too, yes, but I didn't make a speech about God being an alcoholic.
Speaker 2:He's an alcoholic, he's a workaholic and I mean it took him six days to create the fucking earth.
Speaker 7:Okay, he made some mistakes he was drunk.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, you are you are here.
Speaker 7:we are on the top of the Empire State Building on a Saturday night and you're wearing a tuxedo, trying to tell me that God is an alcoholic. I think I find that funny.
Speaker 2:Could you come here. A second Come here.
Speaker 3:Betsy moves closer to Linus.
Speaker 2:Closer.
Speaker 3:Betsy moves closer.
Speaker 2:Closer.
Speaker 3:Betsy moves closer. She's very close to Linus now.
Speaker 2:Would you ask me to come closer to you and then kiss?
Speaker 7:Closer.
Speaker 3:Linus moves closer to Betsy and she kisses him A tender first kiss.
Speaker 2:Thank you. I hate making the first move, but I'm also impatient, so I Betsy kisses Linus for a long while. No matter how many times I do that, I always feel like I'm 12. Let's kiss for hours. Let's kiss until our lips hurt.
Speaker 3:They kiss for as long as it takes to make an average theater audience slightly uncomfortable. In 2016, Linus and Betsy are sitting at a table inside a 24-hour greasy spoon diner, glowing in their formal wear, looking totally out of place, yet also looking exactly right.
Speaker 2:Do you like kissing me?
Speaker 7:What kind of a question is that?
Speaker 2:I just wanted to make sure it was okay.
Speaker 7:How do you think it was?
Speaker 2:I thought it was great.
Speaker 7:So what's the problem?
Speaker 2:I just want to know if you think I was great.
Speaker 7:What do you think?
Speaker 2:I think I was exceptional.
Speaker 7:All men think they're exceptional kissers, you know, I mean.
Speaker 2:But very few have a trophy to prove it.
Speaker 7:You don't have a kissing trophy Sure I do I do?
Speaker 2:It's a little one, it's not much. If you've got a trophy then what do you need me for? You're prettier than my trophy. You kiss better too. Your skin smells sweeter. Your hair wraps around my fingers. I mean, my trophy doesn't even have hair.
Speaker 7:Well, I mean, you could buy a trophy wig.
Speaker 3:A waitress comes over, Pat and pencil in hand.
Speaker 4:Hi, welcome to Lennings. What can I get for you tonight, please?
Speaker 2:Ready to order.
Speaker 7:Yes, I will have, please, a grilled cheese with tomato and a fruit salad.
Speaker 4:What kind of cheese?
Speaker 7:Cheddar.
Speaker 4:What kind of bread?
Speaker 7:A whole wheat, please.
Speaker 4:Anything to drink with that?
Speaker 7:New Coke, please.
Speaker 4:Excuse me.
Speaker 7:New Coke.
Speaker 4:We only have Coke.
Speaker 7:Oh, which kind Coke. You don't know if it's classic or new.
Speaker 4:Just Coke Okay.
Speaker 7:I'll have a lemonade, thank you.
Speaker 2:Okay, and you Seven up.
Speaker 4:Sure Sprite okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sprite's okay, okay, but I'd like a seven up.
Speaker 4:We don't have seven up Is the sprite that we have okay.
Speaker 2:Does it have a taste of lime in Look?
Speaker 4:it's Sprite, it's just Sprite.
Speaker 2:Awesome, just Sprite, then Thank you. And cheeseburger, medium rare with feta cheese.
Speaker 7:Oh, blindness, what Do you know how bad that is for you?
Speaker 2:It tastes good.
Speaker 7:Okay, but sure it tastes good. But are you aware what you're putting in your body?
Speaker 2:You washed down a volume with booze, thousands of feet in the air, and you're telling me what I should and shouldn't put in my body.
Speaker 7:The heart attack unit. My father's hospital has never had a vegetarian come through its doors.
Speaker 2:When I get back to California I'll hire a vegetarian to come through his doors. But right now I'll have a feta cheeseburger.
Speaker 7:No, I won't kiss you.
Speaker 2:I'll have a grilled cheese on white bread with feta and tomatoes, a fruit salad and a Sprite. How does that sound.
Speaker 4:Are you finished?
Speaker 1:I think so.
Speaker 4:In that case, it sounds great.
Speaker 3:The waiter takes the menus and walks away.
Speaker 7:Here pressure, she hates us but you know what your heart attack will. Thank me.
Speaker 2:Taste Spudzel. Hold a grudge forever.
Speaker 3:Betsy leans over and kisses Linus.
Speaker 2:My taste buds will like you to know that they officially forgive you. You taste sweet.
Speaker 7:Oh, dessert from the wedding, it was creme brulee. You were talking it quiet.
Speaker 2:I'm glad you came out this weekend.
Speaker 7:You're a pretty great kisser. I just thought I should just tell you.
Speaker 2:Thanks to Detango.
Speaker 7:What does Detango have to do with kissing?
Speaker 2:I don't know. All I know is I got my wish.
Speaker 3:Scene 17. Betsy is sitting on Linus' bed. Linus is searching through a box of tapes.
Speaker 2:What was I thinking listening to this stuff? I hate every tape I ever bought Chicago 16, Chicago 17, Chicago 18.
Speaker 7:Just put on the radio.
Speaker 3:Linus flips on the radio in search of a station. A song like Don't Cry Out Loud is playing. Yes.
Speaker 2:Suppress your emotions, that's a good message.
Speaker 3:Linus turns the dial. Take good care of yourself as playing something overly possessive.
Speaker 2:A cheery song about slavery. It is not about slavery it might have more been the theme song to Roots.
Speaker 3:Linus turns the dial. A Gregorian chant is playing. Linus sits on the bed.
Speaker 7:Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa. What are you doing?
Speaker 2:I'm about to kiss you.
Speaker 7:You're not going to leave that out, are you?
Speaker 2:You don't find Gregorian chants romantic.
Speaker 4:Hmm, hmm, hmm.
Speaker 3:Linus turns the dial, a song about always loving somebody and everlasting love. Love forever is playing, hmm.
Speaker 2:This. This should be illegal. There should be a law against these kinds of songs.
Speaker 7:I like this song no come on.
Speaker 2:You can't tell me you really fall for this. There should be somebody who tracks down songwriters who write songs about everlasting love forever and they're not still in love with the person. If the songwriter is not still in love with the person who inspired the song ten years later, they should have to give back their royalties.
Speaker 7:Okay, they're singing about what they feel.
Speaker 2:Most of them are lying.
Speaker 7:The songs might not be factual, but they're emotionally true. They're capturing the feeling of being in love.
Speaker 2:So they should sing. I think I'll always love you. I hope I always do.
Speaker 3:I know the statistics indicate otherwise, but Linus turns, the dial Song like Wonderful Tonight is playing.
Speaker 2:Now this this is the song. You see, he's being positive but he's being realistic. You know, tomorrow, who knows? But tonight, tonight, you look.
Speaker 7:If you keep talking, it will soon be tomorrow.
Speaker 3:Linus takes Betsy in his arms and kisses her with great passion.
Speaker 2:Do you remember when Classic Rock was just rock? Yeah, yeah, I do.
Speaker 3:Betsy kisses Linus.
Speaker 7:I loved having you read to me last night.
Speaker 2:I have a few talents Kissing, directing films, reading to girls named Betsy at bedtime.
Speaker 7:My father reads to my mother to help her go to sleep, and she told me that's why she fell in love with him.
Speaker 2:Are your folks still together?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Are they happy?
Speaker 7:Yeah, yeah, they are, I think. I think they're probably the happiest married couple I've ever seen.
Speaker 2:Why? I mean, what do you think they do?
Speaker 7:They're kind to each other, they're polite with each other. They still like each other. You know it's pretty weird actually.
Speaker 2:Does your father still read to your mother?
Speaker 7:Every night she falls asleep with her head on his chest.
Speaker 1:What's wrong? Nothing.
Speaker 2:I just can't sleep. Why not? I'm not really I don't fall asleep when I'm in bed with somebody else. It's difficult, I need.
Speaker 7:I love Lucy Bets, so you do want me to go to sleep in the living room, or something.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no. I want to sleep. I want, I don't. I don't know what I want, I just know. It's just that I know Robin used to fall asleep exactly like you Head in the same place, same exact thing. I'm sorry, it's not your fault, it's just I shouldn't I woke you up. I'm sorry.
Speaker 7:No, no, it's okay, it's okay, I'm up now. What's actually wrong?
Speaker 2:It's just that when Robin and I first fell in love, you know what? It was a big deal. I mean, she was really it, my first love. Big stuff, earth-shaking stuff. I could never fall asleep with her in my bed. So, you know, I just lay awake all night staring at this beautiful creature in my arms, wondering what I did to deserve such luck. I would always be a zombie the next day. I had to take naps all the time. I felt like I was five years old again.
Speaker 1:But it didn't matter.
Speaker 2:It was worth it just to watch my princess fall in love, to watch her sleep every night. And then one day it wasn't worth it. I'd leave at night, go back to my dorm room, get a full night's sleep, the romance, the thrill, the excitement. It had dulled a little and all that was left were these two people me over here sleeping in one bed, her over there sleeping in another. And for the first time there's just this space in between separating us. No matter how hard I tried, she was just too far away.
Speaker 7:You really miss her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, she was my first love. You know, like I said, yeah, I miss her God.
Speaker 7:What.
Speaker 2:You know, I kiss Robin, I sleep with Robin. I grow distant from Robin. I kiss somebody else, I sleep with them. I never want to see them again. And then here I am, kissing you, sleeping with you, sleeping near you, got it? Yeah, and you know, is it just going to follow the same pattern? Am I just some romantic flying Dutchman? How do I know? You don't?
Speaker 7:You don't know. You shouldn't know anything You're not supposed to. You know, love isn't facts, it isn't knowledge. You know, if it was, it would be known and people would say well, you know, I've fallen in knowledge, right, I mean, and it would be boring and we'd all find something else to do.
Speaker 2:Do you think it's easier for fortune tellers to fall in love since they know it's going to happen?
Speaker 7:I don't believe in fortune tellers.
Speaker 2:I wish I did.
Speaker 7:Oh, you um, you can't wish.
Speaker 3:Why not it's?
Speaker 7:not 11-11.
Speaker 3:Betsy points to the alarm clock Don't do it. Scene 19. Airplane Linus and Betsy are sitting next to one another.
Speaker 2:Now hold on a second. Let me get this straight Love isn't knowledge, but it's an airplane.
Speaker 7:Sort of.
Speaker 2:First, pat Benatar says it's a battlefield. Now you say it's an airplane, love's an airplane.
Speaker 7:All I'm saying is it might be Okay, listen, you made a decision by getting on this plane, right, you wanted to get someplace and you might have had more freedom, in a way, you know, if you had stayed on the ground, but you might not end up getting where you wanted to go.
Speaker 2:What if I wanted to get on the plane but decided halfway through the trip that I wanted to be on the ground?
Speaker 7:Well, you know, there are parachutes, risky parachutes. But if you didn't want to get off, if you were enjoying the ride, you could just stay on and maybe you could become the pilot.
Speaker 2:And you could become a stewardess.
Speaker 7:Or I could become a pilot and you could become a steward.
Speaker 2:No, I'd want to be a stewardess because I want to wear that skirt.
Speaker 7:You should say I'm joking sometimes, Like after that one. You could have said I'm joking after that one.
Speaker 1:So, let me go straight.
Speaker 2:Bear with me for a moment. The plane ride that's like marriage, or at least some sort of commitment. The ground no. Plane ride that's like little journeys, total freedom, not a lot of distance covered. Pilots stand for a lifetime monogamy. Did I get all that right?
Speaker 7:Yeah, you are very clever. Sorry, you got a little baby silver star there you go Baby gold star. Well, that's, I'm sorry, pal, you got a gold star. When you get the moral behind the symbols, it'll work a little harder. You know what am I saying? Big picture time, come on.
Speaker 2:Something about airplanes.
Speaker 7:Make a choice, just make a choice. Okay, who knows which, who cares? Catch a later flight, get off the airplane at the airport, go straight back to where you came from. But you got to know what you want, you know. Don't act like you're flying when you're really walking, or walking when you're really flying, or walking and flying at the same time.
Speaker 2:But I'm a Gemini.
Speaker 7:Well, I'm a Pisces Linus, that doesn't mean I'm a fish Geez.
Speaker 2:Did you take some sort of course in all this?
Speaker 7:No, no, I just think about it Like all the time.
Speaker 2:I didn't realize how important airplanes were in your life.
Speaker 7:No, not just airplanes. You can turn almost anything into a metaphor for love.
Speaker 2:The airplane. Food could be a metaphor for love.
Speaker 7:No, no, absolutely not.
Speaker 4:If you look towards the screen in the front of your cabin, we'll now be showing a preview of our in-flight movie feature.
Speaker 1:Gatorade Tarkington from the Fadalis Cowboys is Romeo, A patriotic cop who's starting to lose hope.
Speaker 2:This is one of my films.
Speaker 7:Actually, I'm very proud of it, you could never, never make a movie like that.
Speaker 2:Why not? I thought it was my, my choice to make whatever. I made it.
Speaker 7:No, it's just not. That is not you.
Speaker 2:Well, what's me then? Well, I only saw first kiss but you saw one short film and yet you're already ready to define me in my work. I swear everybody's a critic. Let's hear it. What's me, what's me?
Speaker 7:Well, okay, you seem to be all about going to these ridiculous lengths to manufacture romance. How's that? I mean, I get it. There's a man and he wants to sweep this woman off her feet, but it's almost the whole process that turns him on, rather than the woman herself. You know, she could almost be an object, as long as, as long as he could still play the game, complete the chase. It's romantic, it's really romantic, but there's room for growth.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 7:What's wrong?
Speaker 2:Nothing, nothing.
Speaker 7:You sure?
Speaker 2:No, yeah, it's just I've been. I was thinking about this new film I've been putting together.
Speaker 7:Oh, you didn't. You didn't tell me you were working on a new film.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, that's, I'm a film student, so it's usually what I'm doing.
Speaker 7:What's it about?
Speaker 2:It's about this guy. He's writing a love letter to his girlfriend on her birthday. She's 3000 miles away, on the other side of the country. He decides to write a letter, a love letter, in longhand, because it's more romantic than and typing. Obviously his pencil breaks he. He tries five pencils, they all break. So he writes the letter in his own. He writes the letter in his own blood. He goes to send it to Federal Express, but he gets to the office four minutes late and it's closed. Of course. Very suspicious, super stiscious guy, great believer in fate. He takes the broken pencils and the closed FedEx office as signs and he just realizes he has to see her. He has to bring her the letter by hand. So he books a flight but the plane runs out of fuel. He has to make a splash landing. Luckily, like he survives. He can't find his wallet. He tries to call his girlfriend but her answer in machine picks up and she's just not answering.
Speaker 7:Wow, where?
Speaker 2:OK, where is she, she's not there, she's not picking up. So he breathes. It takes a deep breath and he starts to walk, walks to her door, sits on her porch waiting. Finally she arrives home, they embrace, he gives her the letter and she is Moved. The guy just wants to put the day's troubles behind him All the. He just wants to settle in for a romantic evening with his love. They try to put on some romantic music, but her stereo is broken. So, even though the stove doesn't work and they don't have lighters to light any matches, they managed to light a candle with the help of two twigs and a magnifying glass. Wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 7:No, how Hold on? How is there sunlight during the evening? The sun lamp is involved somehow.
Speaker 2:Ok, anyway, the girlfriend is like this tan obsessed daughter of George Hamilton, whatever they have, yeah. So the point is forget the problems, forget the hassles, because they're these two, they're finally together and they're in love, and they set the candles on the bedside table and they go about their naughty business. Fortunately, they go about their business with a little too much zest, a little vicar zest, and they knock the bedside table over, so the candle drops on the floor, they set the rug on fire and then there's this neat effect that makes the film burn up, and after, after that, there's the long, the closing credits, so it's called Burning Desire. You don't think I'm too predictable to you? No, I, I think you're adorable.
Speaker 2:But you're totally right about my films, like I said there, there's room for growth.
Speaker 7:But when you're ready to grow, you will. But I'm only talking about your stuff, because there's something really good there already. There's room for growth in everything you know. It's not a bad thing.
Speaker 2:You make me feel better than I did before. I knew you Same here.
Speaker 7:You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:But you know, I felt the same about Robin when I at first Well, not her, Linus, Not a variation on some theme.
Speaker 7:Ok, I am a whole different composer. Ok, sure there are. There are going to be things in common. Mozart had ears, Bach had ears. Mozart put notes down on paper. So did Bach. But listen to the music, Linus. Listen. Listen to what each one wrote.
Speaker 2:The metaphor thing is it's getting pretty out of hand. First planes, now dead guy music and Is there any? Is there anything that isn't like something else, that's just Itself?
Speaker 7:When do you have to be back at school Tomorrow afternoon.
Speaker 3:Do you feel like taking a drive when we got home, when You'll see A beautiful expensive, tastefully decorated house on the beach in Malibu colony at sunset, betsy walks in the front door, followed by Linus who shuts the door behind him. Whose place is this? Well, my family's Not bad. It's my favorite place in the world.
Speaker 7:I'm not sure, I'm not sure, I'm not sure, I'm not sure.
Speaker 2:Not bad.
Speaker 7:It's my favorite place in the world. Follow me.
Speaker 3:Linus follows Betsy as she walks her through the house. She reaches some glass doors and opens them, and we are outside on the deck. Nothing comes between Linus and Betsy and the vastness of the Pacific Ocean but a thin strip of sand.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 7:This. This isn't like anything else, this is just yes.
Speaker 2:I'd love to shoot a film here.
Speaker 7:Don't film it Just be here, yeah, but I'd still be great to shoot a film.
Speaker 2:It's just, it's Amazing Infinite possibilities. I'm not sure, I'm not sure, I'm not sure, I'm not sure, I'm not sure, I'm not sure.
Speaker 7:Infinite possibilities. Sometimes, when I was younger, I'd be walking around, just walking around here during the day, and you know, get willing with my friends, or talking on the phone or watching TV, and you know my father would tell me that this place was special, that I should be careful not to waste my time here. He wanted me to take advantage of it, you know, not to miss out on it when I was here, when I was young, and I think that's why he got it in the first place. Actually, what.
Speaker 2:I wish I'd known you when you were a little girl. I wish I'd. I wish I'd Knew what you were like.
Speaker 7:Well, we have pictures, I will show you.
Speaker 3:They both look out at the ocean. Betsy loves it, of course, but she's seen it before. Linus is captivated by it since he's visiting it's precious.
Speaker 7:I'm going into the bedroom, I'm going to come.
Speaker 3:Yes, they kiss.
Speaker 2:I'll be there in a second.
Speaker 3:Betsy walks inside, Linus stares off at the ocean, which is filled with so many choices Perhaps too many for confused young man who's fully aware that one day he'll be gone.
Speaker 7:Linus.
Speaker 2:I'll be there in a second.
Speaker 7:Linus.
Speaker 2:I'll be there in a second.
Speaker 7:Linus, are you coming in?
Speaker 2:I'll be there in a second.
Speaker 7:Linus, I'll be there in a second.
Speaker 2:Be there in a second.
Speaker 3:Linus stays put, not moving, staring out at the ocean with a blank look on his face, paralyzed. He's going to play.
Speaker 2:I'd like to say thank you He'll probably never hear it, but to Jonathan Mark Sherman, the playwright of Wonderful Time, again for that play and that Wonderful Time had by all performing, and hopefully you had a wonderful time listening as well. Thanks again to the cast Darren Ingram, todd Stubbler, karen Bond, sam Miklitch, hunter Ackerman, stephanie Renee Wall. And I want to thank, as I get to do every month, our Patreon curators for keeping the show going and growing Angelica Bolschweiler, anna Ginovola, charity Swanson, emily Thatcher, gina Dobbs, Jamie Carganilla, josepha Snyder, kelsey Blaine Gibson, krista King, merrill Milky, rom Farran and Susan Kuhn. Thank you all so much for everything you do, all your support of this show, and we'll see you very soon.
