EP: 005 Couples & Money w/ Couples Therapist Ashley Quamme, LMFT

On this episode Jim talks with couples financial therapist and coach Ashely Quamme, LMFT about couples & money and why talking about money can be so difficult. 

So why is it difficult for couples to talk about money?  Here are a handful of ideas from Ashley and Jim’s conversation: 

• Culturally money can be a taboo subject, we don’t talk about a lot in our families and growing up.
• We may have deeply rooted beliefs about money and finances, and we bring these beliefs into our relationships.
• Money brings with it a lot of emotions, sometimes negative emotions, and that can be difficult to deal with.

Ashley describes money as sometimes a “content issue”.  It is what clients might be arguing about, but that’s just at surface level.  Like an iceberg, money can be the issue above the surface, but below it there can be all kinds of negative emotions and history that needs to be explored and dealt with.

So how do you do that?

Ashley suggests starting with good conversations, but acknowledges that getting two people to the table can be “the real work”.   Both partners need to be willing to come to the table and “accept influence from our spouses and partners” to really have a chance at making progress. 

If we can do that, then she says everything else is usually “figureoutable”.  And even though that's not a real word, we LOVE that advice.

So what can you do to have a better money relationship with your partner?  Ashley suggests: 

• Regular money dates.  Don’t call them “meetings”, because no one likes meetings!
• Try creating a money timeline.
• “Think. Feel. Do”
• Use “We” language instead of you and I.  How do we spend our money together?
• Being transparent, especially when keeping separate accounts.
• Don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

Find Ashley @:
 
The Wealthy Marriage
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LinkedIn

Resources Ashley Recommends:
 
Financial Therapy Association
Dr. Brad Klontz on TikTok
“Mind Over Money” by Dr. Brad & Ted Klontz

Wellbeing Ideas: 

Reading before the kids get up, slow mornings allowing her to set her day up for success.
Walking, mid day especially after mornings of client work. 

About Me:


My name is Jim Grace and I am a CFP®️ (Certified Financial Planner) and the Director of Wealth Management at Silver Pine Capital, LLC. a registered investment advisory firm in Medfield, Massachusetts. ​

In my spare time I host a podcast and write about Financial Wellness & Wellbeing.  Check out some of my other work @  Modern Financial Wellness . On the website I try to unpack each episode a little further and also spotlight any other resources I think might be helpful to anyone trying to feel better about their finances.

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