Lead with Courage
Lauren White | The Power of Pleasure | Lead with Courage
Have you ever found yourself in a room with someone who radiated such authenticity it made you rethink your own life choices?
Lauren White, a seasoned sexologist, joins us today to delve into the heart of what it means to truly connect. We discuss the power of vulnerability and spontaneity and how these elements bring richness to our conversations and relationships.
Lauren is an award winning sexologist, business mentor & speaking coach for women who want to explore the uncharted waters of their power and pleasure for a deeply impactful business and more satisfying intimacy.
She's the host of the White Hot Business Podcast, an international speaker and the author of Permission: Personal Liberation for Switched on Women.
Embarking on a candid exploration of sexuality isn't for the faint of heart, but it's a journey Lauren believes can redefine empowerment and leadership for women. This episode weaves through the complex tapestry of mental health, drug counseling, and the profound effect that embracing our entire selves can have on our professional and personal lives.
Lauren's profound insights into setting intentions for intimate experiences and recognising the qualitative nature of sexual fulfilment might just hold the key to unlocking new dimensions of your life.
Lauren masterfully illustrates how the simple pleasures of music and dance can not only rewire our neural pathways but also empower us to live more authentically. By the end of our conversation, you'll feel inspired to make each day a genuine self-expression.
Join us as we celebrate the multifaceted nature of our beings and learn how to harness the transformative power of pleasure and authenticity.
You can find Lauren on socials here.
Did you enjoy the episode? Send us a text!
______________
Thanks for joining us on the Lead with Courage podcast, bought to you by Luminate Leadership. We trust this episode has given you some insights and joy to empower you live your biggest, best life.
If you enjoyed it, we'd be grateful if you like, share and subscribe to hear our future conversations.
To find out more about the work we do Luminate Leadership connect with us:
Luminate's Website and LinkedIn and on
Instagram : Luminate_Leadership and Cherie Canning
Until the next episode, we hope you live and Lead with Courage!
Cherie and Andy x
______________
Luminate Leadership is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
Have you ever found yourself in a room with someone who radiated such authenticity it made you rethink your own life choices?
Lauren White, a seasoned sexologist, joins us today to delve into the heart of what it means to truly connect. We discuss the power of vulnerability and spontaneity and how these elements bring richness to our conversations and relationships.
Lauren is an award winning sexologist, business mentor & speaking coach for women who want to explore the uncharted waters of their power and pleasure for a deeply impactful business and more satisfying intimacy.
She's the host of the White Hot Business Podcast, an international speaker and the author of Permission: Personal Liberation for Switched on Women.
Embarking on a candid exploration of sexuality isn't for the faint of heart, but it's a journey Lauren believes can redefine empowerment and leadership for women. This episode weaves through the complex tapestry of mental health, drug counseling, and the profound effect that embracing our entire selves can have on our professional and personal lives.
Lauren's profound insights into setting intentions for intimate experiences and recognising the qualitative nature of sexual fulfilment might just hold the key to unlocking new dimensions of your life.
Lauren masterfully illustrates how the simple pleasures of music and dance can not only rewire our neural pathways but also empower us to live more authentically. By the end of our conversation, you'll feel inspired to make each day a genuine self-expression.
Join us as we celebrate the multifaceted nature of our beings and learn how to harness the transformative power of pleasure and authenticity.
You can find Lauren on socials here.
Did you enjoy the episode? Send us a text!
______________
Thanks for joining us on the Lead with Courage podcast, bought to you by Luminate Leadership. We trust this episode has given you some insights and joy to empower you live your biggest, best life.
If you enjoyed it, we'd be grateful if you like, share and subscribe to hear our future conversations.
To find out more about the work we do Luminate Leadership connect with us:
Luminate's Website and LinkedIn and on
Instagram : Luminate_Leadership and Cherie Canning
Until the next episode, we hope you live and Lead with Courage!
Cherie and Andy x
______________
Luminate Leadership is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
Thank you, oh wonderful, it's so good to have you here.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited had to come in in person as well. Yeah, it's so much better in person.
Speaker 1:I know totally, andy. We've been talking about going on like some people. We zoomed just where they're located. I'm like, yeah, it's still good, but it's just something about actually physically sharing the same area and in the same space.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I agree, and even for us we've been saying Andy's just moved into working at Verge I don't know if you told you that, but so he's moved out of the business officially still in it, but out of it, oh right, and working at Verge. And so this is then our like. We talk about work, oh, we're talking about illuminated a bit at home try not to too much but it's like we're saying this is so intimate for us to have like, for us to share an experience with someone, and it's always the people that are so interesting, they're so inspiring.
Speaker 1:We're like we have that moment together. So it's the one thing that we just like. I really don't want to go solo on it, I really just want to keep us doing it.
Speaker 3:I've had a little bit of resistance, probably just because I'm, you know, kind of balancing a few things in life and there's a certain amount of energy, I guess, that you output for certain things and I noticed when it came time to kind of talk about doing the podcast again this year that I think, catching me in a week moment, I'm kind of like, oh you know, I don't know if I'm up for it, but when we recorded one a couple of weeks ago, I remember just sitting there kind of like you know, you have the eye contact, you talk about those things you hit record and then you kind of go into another universe.
Speaker 3:And then it creates that kind of connection, I'm like, oh, this is the quality time that we used to have from the love language perspective. This is what we used to do that would you know, contribute to each other and help. So, and yeah, without that would not be fair or right.
Speaker 1:So we're, here.
Speaker 3:We're all here.
Speaker 2:We're all here.
Speaker 1:Beautiful. So I don't know if you've listened to any or many of our episodes, but Andy would usually say that I'm the one who usually asks a lot of questions. But we'll both jump in. And also, just it's cash. You know, it's free flowing wherever it goes. I might start. I've just Andy, just so you're aware. I would just want to say how I've kind of met Lauren, or how I've discovered Lauren, and then, if you can, then jump into the first question. Is that all right?
Speaker 1:Sure, and then we'll get then over to Lauren to like maybe just take us where we go. Is there anything in particular that you want to make sure we cover?
Speaker 2:No, because I trust. I trust it will all. Yeah, I always trust and it will come up, if it's, you know, destined to come up, beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 1:Beautiful, I tend to agree. I think sometimes doing all the podcasts last year I'm like we weren't very structured, but I think that's kind of what works is like, have some, some thinking and prep, but really Definitely Not very structured at all.
Speaker 2:Definitely I agree Beautiful.
Speaker 1:Excellent. Okay let me take it, Lauren. Welcome to the Lead with Courage podcast. It is so great to finally have you here.
Speaker 2:I am so excited about this, as was saying when I walked in, I've kind of hunted you both down to come on.
Speaker 3:Is this the part where we say that you're a sexologist and you've hunted us down?
Speaker 1:Should I be feeling nervous?
Speaker 2:You should be feeling nervous, excited, intrigued, titillated, maybe a potent combination of all of those things. But no, I was. I was determined, I was persistent, and it is. It feels so good to be sitting in this chair, across from the two of you. Oh, it is so wonderful to have you here.
Speaker 1:You know, I don't know if I've told you this, but how I discovered you or even heard about you? My bestest friend in the whole wide world, rin, said to me, probably two years ago you need to start following this lady called Lauren White. I think you'll really love her. And I said, okay, and my girlfriend's not a big socials person, what tell me about it? She's like well, she's all about. She's like I think it's a bit like sexologist, a bit sexual. My okay, she's like no, but it's all about power. It's all about females feeling into their body and feeling their power. I think you're going to love her. She said I've been following her for a while and I just think she's phenomenal. And so then, I think, by by chance or has the world or the universe throws it out, libby and Paula, who have been on, who were our first guests on the Lead to Courage podcast. They were coming to our second Ignite event and Libby was ill and you were Libby's. You were Libby.
Speaker 1:I was Libby, you were Lauren, but you got to me Libby Trigger for the day I did.
Speaker 1:And that was brilliant being having you there and, obviously, the connections you've made from other people there as well. And then, thirdly, I walked in to another podcast guest, my beautiful doctor, dr Peter Wright, her book launch, and you were the emcee at the book launch and I was literally just sitting there going I need to get to know this woman because she is something else, and so I'm so thrilled that you're here and having this conversation with us. So thank you and welcome.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you, what a beautiful welcome and I just want to just want to start by saying I am obsessed with what you do and who you are and the rapid impact that you've had just being yourself and putting your message out there for the last number of years, because it's just, I'm in awe of women and men in their power, and to witness that, to witness this rapid expansion of your work and to be there in real time at the Ignite conference, was just something special and something in me just was like you're going to go to that conference, You're going to go to that conference. And I just went back and I get a message five PM the day before from Paula do you want to be my date for this conference, Because Libby can't come. I was like yes, and I was just like it was so bizarre, but I just knew. I was just like I've just got to lean back and I'm going to be at that conference. Wow.
Speaker 2:Had a free day, totally free day. It was just. It was just magic and it was magical to be there, and I can still hear the speakers and feel the vibration of the room, so yeah, so thank you for sharing all of that, thank you.
Speaker 1:Well, we've just started planning this year's Ignite, and so that is sometimes what I need to be reminded of when we're getting deep into logistics and planning and budgets, because it needs to be done, but it's not where the passion is. You know it's so hearing that I'm like yes, that reignites for Ignite. Pun intended, I guess, but yeah, thank you. Thank you, Beautiful Andy.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the conversation.
Speaker 3:Well, my goal is to say 50 words on this podcast. We'll see how we go with that. Well, a question we'd love to ask you to kick off. What does lead with courage. Mean to you.
Speaker 2:Lead with courage, for me, is about always going first, and that is one of the first pillars of my work is sovereignty. I am always coming back to questions like how can I create where I belong, not where can I fit in. How can I create where I belong? I am, my business and my personality is niche upon niche upon niche. Of course I have the rarest of Myers-Briggs, of course I like the really special birth chart and all of that. So I'm always coming back to the question does this turn me on? What pleasure do I get out of this? Does this feel powerful for me? I'm always coming back to how does this make me feel?
Speaker 2:Because what I know to be true is courage isn't doing what makes other people comfortable. It isn't what will make them happy, what will appease them. How can I present myself in this way so I can skew their perception and try and control how they see me as nice or likeable? It is about 101% being yourself through your own unique design, voice message, personality, and having that all be completely coherent, cohesive, congruent. So for me, courage is always about coming back to. I go first. I never ask anyone to do something that I haven't done myself. I never ask them to be more courageous or make a specific kind of move if I haven't done that myself. I'm always going first and taking the embodied risks to make magic and have a really rich and fulfilling life and business.
Speaker 3:Beautiful, thank you, I think that really from the little that I know about you, but I've been fortunate enough to listen to a couple of your podcasts the Mums with Hustle episode that you've done recently or within the last six months or so and then the one with Sophia Palace as well as the Business Breakthrough podcast.
Speaker 3:Both of those I really, really enjoyed and I think your authenticity really shines through on those. I think it's one of the things we'd like to kind of dig into today. A little bit is like we see Laura in white today and we experience Laura in white today, kind of through these different vessels, but how did it kind of come to be there?
Speaker 3:You'll argue, probably, that you're not a finished product, and neither of us are but then what are those things along the way that have kind of kind of led up to that? So I'm excited to kind of jump into that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess. Yeah, how did you? Because if we look at like titles, if you like, or what you do, we've got an author, speaker, sexologist, mentor, and I love this confident to women in business, one of the phrases and actually I was discussing with Lindsay, one of the speakers, that ignite yesterday and we're like the whole thing of pleasure and power from the bedroom to the boardroom and the link of that and I guess that's the work that you do and empower others to do.
Speaker 1:But yeah, how did you get to this point? Tell us a little bit about the backstory.
Speaker 2:I have always been fascinated by the topics that we're not meant to speak about or aren't publicly spoken about. I've always been fascinated by the taboo to give. To go way back to growing up in Camden, new South Wales, in the 80s, my favorite VHS was where did I come from? I just thought it was fascinating and I had the book and so, from six years old, learning about how babies are made, I was just. I just thought it was so interesting. I didn't think there was anything more interesting than that, and so the seeds were planted very early and my whole career was spent in the taboo areas of health, like mental health.
Speaker 2:All I wanted to do was mental health nursing and one of the tutors looked at me in med search nursing and just went you're going to go work in mental health, aren't you? And I go. Yes, I am Like I don't want drips. I want to hear people's experiences of these hardships and how they've come to be where they're at. And that mental health took me into drug, now coal.
Speaker 2:I worked in a methadone clinic for 10 years as a clinical nurse specialist and just always wanted to know the real, true side to humanity, even if it's dark, even if it's shadowy. I want to know what's real and I want to know what's true, because I know that when we go to those parts within ourselves, then we are unshakable. If we know all of our parts, if we know all of our shadows, then there's nothing that anyone else can think about us or say about us or judge, or there's nothing. Nothing can shake you if you already know every single part of yourself. And sex is the most vulnerable part of our identity. It is the most sacred, it is the most intimate part of our lives and when people, women in business, in leadership positions know this most intimate part of themselves, they inadvertently elevate, course, correct, access, all of the other aspects of humanity, human growth, personal development, because sex asks you to go to your consent, your preferences, how to speak for yourself, what it is that gives you pleasure, where your know is, what it is that feels edgy for you, where there's a learning opportunity.
Speaker 2:Going to sex teaches you, so it does, as I like to say, does so much of the heavy lifting for all of the other aspects of your human nurse that show up in the public sphere. So if you go to the private parts of yourself safely and with a guide and you feel supported, in that when you go out into the public sphere, you feel fortified. I know I can stand on a stage, I know that I can be in any room in the world and not feel any fear of judgment, or stand there questioning who I am, because I know all of who I am and there's no one in a room that knows more of all of who I am than me, and so for me it's really that is the piece that's missing from well, that's the opportunity. I should say that I think for so much of the personal growth work out there is putting this lens on it and not being scared of it and not being terrified or frightened.
Speaker 2:It should actually be really exciting it should be really exciting and you should feel fizzy and maybe even a little turned on about learning this part, going deeper with these parts of yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow. So why do we feel so nervous?
Speaker 2:Why are we?
Speaker 1:sitting here tense going on neutral lands.
Speaker 2:First of all, let's have a shake.
Speaker 3:Yeah let's shake it off.
Speaker 1:Let's take a take, and I say that I've seen to Andy today. I'm like you know. One question I have for you is I have so many questions, but one of the first questions is how do we even know where we're at? And I was speaking to Lindsay about this, knowing you were coming on. You know intellectually, there's gauges and scales on where you're at, and even as a public speaker or a feedback from your clients and at leadership, you get a 360, how do you know other than your partner saying you're a good shag? No, but how do how, as a woman or as a person, as a woman, how do I know? Oh, I am really liberated in the bedroom or not? Like is it an inner knowing? Or how does one rate themselves?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's an inner knowing and it's highly qualitative, I think, where, as much as I value quantitative models and as necessary as they are for so many aspects of life and really seeing where you're at, sex is purely qualitative, and that's where people get really tripped up. It's like we go to work, we go to school all the clients I work with are exceptionally bright, multiple degrees kicking ass, and what that's done is ask them to live in a very quantitative way. I'll know that I'm a success when this thing happens and I'm sure you touch on this with your clients in your work about adding more texture and seeing it through the lens of but how did that make you feel? How does that leave you feeling? And the work that I do is so centered on that sense of inner success and satisfaction. So how you'll know is based on how you feel.
Speaker 2:Do you feel satisfied? Do you feel like that was successful to you? And successful is a very I can add more to that, but it's really. Does that feel like that? That fulfilled your, the intentions that you held before you went into that interaction? So the intention setting as opposed to goal setting is really important for any form of sex or self pleasure.
Speaker 2:It's really about because my clients over the years will always say I'll say blah, blah, blah feeling and they'll go.
Speaker 2:I think and I'll pause, we're in the head and the head's a beautiful place and we love it and we welcome it into so much of our lives and we even welcome it into sex. For now, where? What's your heart desiring? What is your sacral center down here desiring? What is it that you'd like to receive? And that's when we touch on really edgy terrain for so many women, because they've been in giving mode, they've been in the shadows of giving, which is known as Marta mode. Like I'll do it myself. Only I can do it, I'm fine, no one, worry about me, I'll take care of everything.
Speaker 2:There's been that mode in work, in home, sometimes even in the bedroom, and really this is about coming back to what do you want? How do you want to feel? What would feel incredible for you? And going beyond the feelings of good, okay, fine, the language. A lot of what my clients reflect back to me is I speak another language and I get, I support them to speak in a from a different frequency than good, okay, fine, better, and just get and become more specific with the language that they use because, once you invite that and I say what if we couldn't say good, what word would you use?
Speaker 2:and it's incredible how quickly women use a word that is so much more specific, so much more illuminated, so much more turned on when given the opportunity to gently drop out of their head and into a new way of speaking and speaking about their body and their sensations.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's awesome, thank you for that answer and that really I'm like, oh good, I don't have to go and do a quiz no, no, no, there is.
Speaker 2:And, by the way, please, no sex quizzes, please. That's why I've never done what I've never offered one. No sex quizzes. Drop out of goal mode and into intention. What would I like to be able to say?
Speaker 2:I felt at the end of that I felt connected, I felt warm, I felt fizzy, I felt like the energy in my body was building. I felt like it's very much getting out of that goal. Gotta have an orgasm, gotta calm, gotta. It's about getting out of that mode which just puts you straight into your head. And just another thing I want to add to your original, to answer your original question is we are up against so much conditioning when it comes to sex.
Speaker 2:So much of our parents believes about sex, our family members, our school, whatever school we went to, the friends that we had. We, by the time we are 16 years old, we have had a million, often very limiting, sometimes unhealthy, unhelpful messages about sex. So to come here and talk about it later in life is a challenge, because we've got all these layers and layers and layers and we just have to peel some of them back and come back to that sovereignty. Piece of what do I want to be mine? What parts of that history and that learning do I want to be mine? Now that I'm an adult, I get to choose. I get to choose. I don't have to carry my mum's beliefs about sex. I don't have to carry someone else's inhibitions. Someone's story, my church's story, that's a big.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of yes and so much subconscious, unconscious conditioning that we don't even realize we're walking around with yeah, yeah. I'm about to say. I'm like, oh, is it wrong, but I don't know if you listen. But like, your mum only had sex three times, isn't that what she told you, you and your two sisters?
Speaker 3:She said twice.
Speaker 2:The math isn't mathy. I'm sure about that one.
Speaker 3:I think I was. I remember I was like a cheeky 11 year old and I probably just discovered what what sex was to a certain extent, and and I said, how many times do you have sex? And she said, oh, once or twice. And then I spent the next. I just assumed everything that my mum told me at that point in time was was gospel. So then I spent the next two years trying to work out the math of having two younger sisters. How does that work.
Speaker 1:How was it that?
Speaker 3:that only happened. I'm pretty sure my old man wouldn't have you know anyway, it's a rabbit hole.
Speaker 1:But then, like you say, even just on the parent thing, I remember the first person I ever spoke to after losing my Virginia was my mum. I called her the next morning. She was away from with my sister for netball and she knew where I was the night before. I said mum, mum. She said oh, not David, was it? But she knew that's what I was calling about. So it's really interesting how obviously I was a bit older when I was saying like that. That's some maturity to that, but a bit later.
Speaker 3:Your mum wasn't happy with your choice.
Speaker 2:No, not really but you know, yeah but he was like a world-class bodyboarder.
Speaker 1:I thought it was a cool claim to fame anyhow, but it's interesting that even just the like, the quick insight for different parents, as you say, and then the church and if that's been part of, and everything the the media we consume, the movies we watch, everything, everything, yeah, wow, I don't. I feel like I just want to ask personal questions, but that's not the purpose of our podcast necessarily Shireen, and he didn't get coaching with Shiree. But what do you want to ask?
Speaker 3:It's a kind of a slippery slope. I feel like me asking questions about this on a live podcast, but maybe some things will come to me organically.
Speaker 1:If anything goes wrong, we can edit it out. It's all right, yeah.
Speaker 3:I appreciate that I prefer not to edit. I think it's better if it's in flow, but I probably like setting the sexologist stuff aside and having a look at. One of the terms that I heard you coin in in a podcast is talking about the new FEM waves. I'd love to kind of learn a little bit more about that, and then maybe we could kind of circle back to circle back to everyone else's favorite favorite subjects as well, because I think that that in particular really resonated with me, probably from a man looking at it from a a female's point of view, but then also men in the in the workplace, like how can we celebrate that more and how can we engage with that more?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'd love to share about that. So the new FEM waves is kind of the gentle middle finger to the old alpha waves, and I've used waves very specifically when I talk about femininity, because that's when. That's when feminine energy is incredibly powerful. When it's in flow it's like water it's. But never underestimate water, because water is the most, one of the most destructive forces on earth.
Speaker 2:So that's our you know that's our power as well, but my belief is that we're in a time where we're reconciling course, correcting, healing a lot of the damage, harm, trauma that has been caused by the patriarchal ways within education systems, health systems. That's a lot of what my clients come to me to heal when they're breaking out and going out and doing their own thing is they've worked in incredibly patriarchal medical systems, all sorts of medical systems. I myself came from a very patriarchal medical working within one, and there's a lot of unraveling and a lot of healing to do from that, because or corporate, patriarchal corporate systems, the. The messaging is this is the way things are done. You do it this way. There is no room for being flexible, being nimble. These are the hours that you work, this is what you're here to do.
Speaker 2:The heart and humanity has really been sucked out of all of those symptoms, all of those systems I just described, and I feel like we're ready men, women, non-binary, every single person is ready for a new style of power where we have more pleasure in what we do, and that's what I love about your business. The pleasure oozes out of your business and that is what we're here for as humans. We will be more quote unquote productive. We will be more generous. We'll be more impactful if we have our power and pleasure lead.
Speaker 2:And that's really what the new Femwaves are about. It's about recognizing where we've come from, taking the parts that do work. I will never just say that's all bad. We just take, cherry pick the parts of those systems and processes that do work and then we get to elevate it and put our own twist on it and put the humanity and heart back into business, government, corporate, because you get more from people, you get more from people when you do that than when you're punishing, punitive, burning people down to the ground, not acknowledging them with money, with words of affirmation, with the other love languages.
Speaker 2:It's time for a new way of doing things and I think, in these new Femwaves, our own unique design for whatever it is we're here to do needs to be honored first, because, again, that's where we're going to create the most impact, as opposed to the patriarchal ways, which is this is the system you fit in, like, you just make yourself fit in, you go against your values, you go against your own intuition and you fit in and I'm like. No, I think there's another way of doing things. In fact, I know there is because all of us sitting in this room are living by that.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, yeah, I really see that I think, as I said before, we kind of ooze this out of you and it's quite magnetic, so I love that. How does it relate then to like, if we bring sex back on the table again? How does that relate to sex, I guess, and can you achieve it without fulfilment? In that area, you can achieve fulfilment without sex.
Speaker 2:My question is why would you want to? Why?
Speaker 3:would you no?
Speaker 2:For a small percentage of the population. I want to acknowledge that there are people that identify as asexual. They have noabsolutely zero. They've been born with zero interest, desire arouse or when it comes to sexuality For everyone else. My question is what's the resistance? Where is there? Can you be curious about an opportunity that's there for you? Just can you be curious? Sex is about.
Speaker 2:This is what I love about sex and what I learnt very early on is that it's a very, very, very important thing. The first thing I want to say is, ultimately, it's about curiosity. Always, for every single part of the work that I've done over the last however many years, there's always been about and come back to curiosity and can beyou be curious about the sensation in your body, can be curious about what you're fantasising about right now? Can you be curious about how it feels when you're touched in this way and when you let curiosity lead. It's like following the breadcrumbs, saying but why Like? Do I have to? No, of course you don't. But if you feel like you're plateauing, if you feel like you're capped at a certain level and you've done the mindset work and you've done Like, you've done all of the programs and you've done all the mentoring. My question is can you be curious about going deeper into your sexuality as a starting point or an avenue into the next frontier of your growth and your personal growth?
Speaker 1:Can you?
Speaker 2:just be curious about it and justyou don't have to put pressure on it, you don't have to connect the dots straight away. But it's an incredibly exciting terrain because it's endless. A sexuality never ends, it never ends, and it's a bit like Andy was saying at the beginning of the podcast I'm an unfinished product, my sexuality is an unfinished product, and that's what I love about it. Oh, there's more. There's more because I'm constantly changing. The context is changing, my environment is changing, people around me are changing and that means that, in turn, my sexuality is also changing Always. So can you be curious? That's all I'd say. No one has to do anything, but if you're at a point where you feel capped and you haven't been to this part or maybe you haven't been to this part of yourself in a long time can you be curious about what it holds and the new discoveries that you'll make about yourself and your power and pleasure?
Speaker 1:Mmm.
Speaker 3:And then, if you can answer that question and say yes, what would a next step look like?
Speaker 2:Mmm. A next step could look like so many different things when it comes to sex. In typical me fashion, I went into a tertiary degree as the first step, which I don't recommend to many people A tertiary degree in sex. Yes, that's how you become a sexologist. I didn't know how.
Speaker 3:You know, maybe I could just call myself like that. Do you have like a 60 year old white man teaching?
Speaker 1:you about that.
Speaker 2:I had white men teaching me about sex. But I knew I wanted to do that degree. I loved academia. I got an award for academic achievement in sexology. I really loved it. I sunk my teeth into it, but it wasn't a public health degree isn't what taught me about sex.
Speaker 1:It's very limited, it's very limited.
Speaker 2:I had to go to other businesses, services, private offerings in order to learn about sex. I did in 2012,. I did a combination of things. I did one-on-one sexological body work sessions. I did a six day. My first retreat was a six day sexuality retreat.
Speaker 1:What do you do with that? Oh, do you wear clothes at all? Is it like a nude thing? Or you do wear clothes, and then that's part of the both, both, yeah, both clothes on and off it depends what context is really important in sex and any sort of sexual learning environment.
Speaker 2:So it's not just clothes off for six days straight. It's if it's context appropriate to the learning environment. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense there are no clothes and it's about celebrating our nudity, our beautiful bodies. Everyone's body is different when you've been in those rooms a number of times.
Speaker 2:You just get so used to going. Everyone is so different and so beautiful and exquisite and it reduces, it just takes the shame piece out of our connection to our bodies. So if anyone wants to know, I want first I want to say there's so many beautiful, incredible practitioners out there and opportunities and offerings. But if you want to start, you can start with books, you can start with podcasts, you can start with courses that you can do on demand. You can just start with the private.
Speaker 2:If that, if it doesn't feel right for you to speak to someone yet or go to a retreat or do a group, you know, do a group program of some kind. There's so many, there's so much out there for people when it comes to learning about sex and so much more has been brought to the world since I first started learning about sex with different sorts of programs and opportunities and masterclasses and all just everything. There's so much out there and, just if I can say, I do have a book called Permission which is all about women giving themselves the green light and being as sexual as they are, and that's a very beautiful entry point to owning yourself, being in your sovereignty in the bedroom and out as well, which is what you'll experience. We want both.
Speaker 1:We want both Beautiful. We'll put a link in for your book as well. Oh, that's amazing. I think I might have cut you off by asking if everyone just walked around naked. But when you said you went to the retreat, were there other things you did in 2012 as well? Yeah, I did a lot. What else did you do?
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, I did all the GASMIC yoga sessions in 2012. I did bodywork sessions. I did books. I can't even remember everything I did. I did a Boudoir photo shoot in 2012. That was my first photo shoot. I just went all in on learning about myself. I was still nursing and I was studying sexology. It was one of the wildest years I've ever had, and it was so. The growth trajectory was just phenomenal. I turned 30 that year. It was just amazing. I have such fond memories of that time and I just learned so much about myself, who I was as a sexual person and what it was that I wanted to do when I launched my business at the end of that year.
Speaker 1:It was a really big year Incredible, incredible.
Speaker 3:Can I ask how do you talk to kids about sex?
Speaker 2:It starts with talking about the body, about them seeing your body as well. My daughters have seen my body and still see my body on almost a daily basis. Sometimes they make comments about my body. They'll look at my tummy and go, oh, your tummy is funny, I'll go. Well, that's because that's where you were grown and you were so big you were both four kilos and you stretch my tummy so much that now it looks like this.
Speaker 2:So I just talk and I'm always putting my body in a positive frame of reference and if just to speak to people listening, if they don't feel that they can do that yet, can you try putting it in a neutral frame of reference, if it just feels like you're being so fake and inauthentic to put it in a positive one. But I'm always just doing silly things with my body. My girls see me dance. We dance together. Just always. You know, they say things about my boobs and my bottom. I'm always just we make it playful, we make it light, and I've told them. I told them when I've got my period and they write me letters and say mom, do you need a packet of chips and a cup of tea?
Speaker 1:Oh, that is divine, so cute. I love that. Yes, and chocolate.
Speaker 2:So but the reason why I keep them in tune with my cycle and I always say to them girls, I've got my period, it means my energy is just a little bit lower than it normally is. It's not that I'm saying no to that thing, but can you just give me a minute to think about it. Because their energy is high. They're not cycling yet, so they're high all the time. And I just want to prepare them for the natural waves that happen with a cycle and how that cycle is connected to birth, should they choose to. And everything I say to them comes back to their consent, everything we say to them. They say something about babies and my husband and I say well, if you choose to have children, we don't ever say when you're a mom.
Speaker 2:We don't ever pigeonhole them and we say and your boy and Eddie's a fast talker, he's like, and your boyfriend and all girlfriend, tell them about their future boyfriend and all girlfriend. So we're keeping the conversation very open, very body positive, playful, keeping them in tune with my cycles. Sex is a kind of discussion on the rise. I did get them. Where did I come from? We read it all together because that was the education. Yes.
Speaker 1:Not on VHS, though. Not on VHS, no, I wish.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I'm just keeping I'm just slow pieces about consent, just feeding them slowly, not like bombarding them all in one night, teaching them all about sex and everything. It's an ongoing conversation and I really feel it starts with bodies and consent. That's where it starts.
Speaker 2:If you start with bodies and consent with children. You are winning because they have that in their heads from an early age. So by the time 10 years later or however many years later, or if something untoward happens, they go this isn't right, this doesn't feel right, I don't want to do this. And they can start to hear their own voice. Because you've been practicing consent and my husband even asked my children. He says can I give you a hug right now?
Speaker 2:And then they get the choice available to answer, because they might be in such a heightened state and being hugged is like the total opposite of what's going to comfort them right now. And they've got different. My children have different nervous systems. They're different, they're hardwired different, and so we're honoring that, or honoring them as individuals, and I think that's the best thing that you can do for your children.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so beautiful, I think, chloe being seven you know, I'm reflecting on the body positivity, seeing bodies talking about bodies, talking about cycles. I had a hysterectomy last year. So telling her about that and which is important, I remember I went on a course a couple of years ago the Goddess in the Border in Programming. It was phenomenal, and I remember talking about our periods and a lot of women were like kind of getting a bit uncomfortable in the seat, almost thinking about talking about it out loud, and the question was would you speak to your children about, especially your girls? And if we're not, then what message is that sending them? And of course and I'm saying of course, but obviously I had a hysterectomy, so there's challenges leading up. So I'd always have very painful periods and I just didn't want Chloe then thinking every time she saw me in pain that that's what she's going to get. So I had to explain to her this is not normal for everyone to have this pain, so don't be scared of this when you have yours.
Speaker 1:But just being really open about it and even now talking about it, I'm so aware that other people may feel uncomfortable listening to even me talking about the periods, using that word all the time, because in my mind it's just normal. It isn't something we should just normalize that. This is the cycle, this is where women's energies will go, and we were speaking about it in a workshop not that long back with a group of people that we've been working with for a while and saying you know, one of the female leaders said actually, I know where everyone in my team is on their cycle and it's really useful, yep, because then I know where their energy is. I know then if they're having a bit of a sensitive day. I don't look into that Like I just let the sensitive day be, and you know what, in two weeks they're going to be on fire again Exactly, and just understanding how our cycles work and that that is smart to be talking about it and to honor it, but also just from a practical sense.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that's great with Chloe. I'm giggling because I reckon we're getting close. So we're getting close to needing to explain something because I got called out the other night. I don't know if I should be talking about this.
Speaker 3:Maybe, maybe don't, and your back's okay.
Speaker 1:Mum, are you okay? What's that noise? I've just got a sore back and then the next day, mum, how's your back? I'm much better, so embarrassed.
Speaker 3:I don't like lying.
Speaker 1:but I thought, oh no, I don't need to go there today, I don't need to go there today.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 3:I know you said, friends of ours, they've got a great pair. It's got them. They got the youngest, who's seven, a book which is almost like a. Where do I come from?
Speaker 2:book.
Speaker 3:And there was a case where she kind of read it cover to cover and it got through it and then started asking quite a lot of questions. And one night they were having lasagna and they talked about the the bechamel sauce the bechamel sauce is kind of like oh, that's what comes out of the man, it goes in the whoop and then it's all such a six or seven years old.
Speaker 1:It's the stuff that comes out of the man's penis, and the mum was like oh no, oh, no, too far.
Speaker 2:Not ready for that. I can never eat bechamel sauce again, never again.
Speaker 1:Oh funny funny. Oh bless but also, I suppose, on a serious note, I think it's then not being scared to have conversations, and even when it gets a bit clunky or a bit messy, yeah. But if we maybe follow a lot of the patterns that many of us may have been raised on of just not talking about it, then it just perpetuates this shame and that it's a topic that is taboo and it's shameful and it actually I just think it should be a topic that's like so it's still private and sacred, of course.
Speaker 1:But, celebrated like it's a wonderful thing. So yeah, it's really interesting. What other patterns do you see for women in the work that you do? I guess that hold us. Is it around shame? Is it around the way we see our own bodies? Are there other patterns that are useful for women to be just curious about and aware of that? Maybe are ingrained in us that we don't recognize?
Speaker 2:Guilt judgment, not enoughness, powerlessness.
Speaker 1:What's the guilt?
Speaker 2:The guilt. The guilt is about doing something that is only for her.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:That there is so much guilt amongst women doing something that is only for her. And the women that I work with when they first come to me, they are on this programming of anything I do that it's for me. It's got to somehow give back to someone else. There's got to be this payoff effect to someone, like a bit of direct again. It's that quantitative. If I do this, then I need to invite someone else as well and to see them in pleasure and to make sure that they have it. It says everything they do is about how can this be for the benefit of other people as well. But what they come to learn through our work together is when you do things and there's so many paradoxes and so many twists in this work and that's what keeps me so intrigued when you do something that's just for you, with no, and how is this going to benefit other people and what's the payoff going to be for them. When you do something just for you, that turns you on, that benefits you, that gives you pleasure, that has you feeling more powerful, you the way that you walk through this world conveys that message to other people and gives them permission to do the same for themselves, until you truly do that, and it can take some time. It's not going to be comfortable, but that's not the point. The point is to make it a more natural part of your programming. When you do that and then you have a client or a patient or a friend, whoever someone will sit before you and say I have this problem. No matter what advice you give, it's completely congruent. You'll hear me say use that word congruent a lot. It's really important to me. It's right up there. You can't ask people to do things or give them advice about things If you're sitting there going I would never do that for myself, it's not. They'll hear what your words, but the advice won't actually land and they'll be less likely to run with it. So it's really important that the way that we move through this world is finding our power and our pleasure in all sorts of contexts, mainly through our bodies, because that's where you know, that's where our sensory experiencing is and that's where all of the juicy sensations and feelings are. And just on that note, anything that you want to feel is a feeling that's already inside of your body which really excites me. Say more about that.
Speaker 2:I believe that anything that you want to feel in this lifetime is already inside of you and it's on you and it's your responsibility to go on a path of discovery to find out how you can tap into that sensation, whether it be through who you're connected to, where you travel, to your sexual experiences, the food that you eat, what it is that you allow yourself to do and that requires you. If you haven't felt it yet, don't worry, you will feel it. But you'll feel it when you do things differently than the way that you've always done them. So the bravery piece, the courage piece, what I call embodied risk taking. It means like it's really your, your desires leading it's. It's a congruent risk for you with integrity. It's like no, this is what I want to do, this is what feels edgy for me. When you do that, you're more likely to access the feelings that you want to feel.
Speaker 2:So I am a bit of a desire huntress. Like I will just like I said, I wanted to be on this podcast. So I kept asking. I'm like but that's what I want, cause I know that when I sit in this seat, I'm going to have feelings that I can't feel sitting on my own in my office just diddling around on social media. Yes, it's like I'm not going to get that feeling just doing nothing. So really be, comes back. It all comes back to the curiosity piece. Come back to that curiosity piece and just know that your guilt does nothing for this universe. It doesn't. It doesn't. Your guilt never grows anything good or nurtures anything that you want or empowers people in any special way. Those lower kind of vibrational feelings guilt, shame, powerlessness, I'm not enough. All of that, none of them create the impact that you're here to create.
Speaker 3:None of them.
Speaker 2:But if you use them as fuel to understand them and go, okay, I don't feel enough. What can I do that will feel fulfilling to me and fill me up and turn me on, which is my language, so you can exchange that for whatever does it for you? When you see life through that lens, your life changes because you just keep following breadcrumbs again and again, and again, and again and again. And it's so interesting listening to women and guilt, because I hardly ever feel guilty about anything, because I just go. I know that when I nurture myself and really tend to my power and pleasure and go for what I want, I'm having the most impact in this lifetime because other women get the message that the same is and more is available to them.
Speaker 3:Were there a time that you did feel guilty.
Speaker 2:Yes, definitely, definitely. And I made a conscious decision. I want to. I want to actually simplify something that women complicate.
Speaker 2:Oh, but there's someone about this. What if you just made a decision as a part of your process to not feel guilty, and that I made that decision? As soon as I birthed my first daughter, I she lovingly left my body, the relief, and I decided what kind of role model I wanted to be for her, and I had already studied sex before birthing my daughter. But I, my first daughter but I thought to myself I am deciding to be a woman where motherhood is a part of my identity and it is not my whole identity. I made a decision, I sat there and I went I'm a mother and I'm sexual and I'm a partner and I'm a friend and I'm someone who loves my work and I'm a business owner, and, and and I just kept adding ends, and that was one of the most empowering things I ever did for myself, because I can't feel guilty when I'm operating from a place of integrity, alignment Again, congruence, authenticity, if you want to use that word.
Speaker 2:I can't feel guilty because I'm doing what I know I'm here to do in my bones and in my body. So that's, that's what I tell you. What if you decided today that you are and, and, and, and and, multifaceted, dynamic, interesting, intriguing, that you have depths that you haven't even discovered yet, climaxes you haven't even reached yet? What if you started to see your life through that lens and decided that you were going to go for more, because guilt has never really given you what you actually wanted? What if that was a lie?
Speaker 1:What if that would be my question to you. Yeah, so good, so good. That's just hitting all the marks for me 100%, 100% and it's. We spoke about it with the word regret the other day just like the choice of.
Speaker 1:I've said, I don't know where it came from, but from a really young age, you know, maybe my late teens or early 20s I said I'm going to live life without regrets. And I don't mean recklessly, where I don't learn from things. I just mean I'm not going to harbor anything, I'm not going to ruminate on things. Oh, I wish I'd done this. I wish I. Yes, you can look back and go. What would I change? How will they grow next time? Of course reflection, but not regret.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And and I was saying to Andy, I just feel like it's something I've just chosen. I don't live life with regret. I make decisions, I learned from it, I move on. I don't hang out in the past dwelling over it and overthinking it, just move on.
Speaker 3:And we're saying I do enough of that for both Both of us yeah.
Speaker 1:But I think it's a similar conscious choice, with guilt, I really, and any of those words. I feel like it's, and I'm saying I feel, but it's a think and a feel, but yeah, ok, I feel that now I need to let it go. But, or a re what do you redesign the patterns? Or you know re rework the neural pathways, or more the embodiment than the thinking.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I'm reminded, speaking to you today, of that goddess in the border, and Rachel used to talk about it a lot as well. She's like it's stop thinking like, stop trying to. Yes, we've got to use our minds and our cognitive awareness and the thinking patterns, but actually to change those and this is what you're reminding me of now is to change a lot of that is actually not doing the mind work.
Speaker 1:It's doing the body work, it's the embodiment and and yes, for some of us it is meditating and starting to do some mental work, but it's the, it's all encompassing, like the physiology is so powerful, more than just the focus and the language or in combination. Yeah, in great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in combination, and I would love to give your listeners permission as well. I think so many women get told to who are in quote unquote burnout or going really fast or really high, functioning and great generators. What if, instead of like, maybe meditating quote unquote slowing down, having a bubble bath? Like you know, it's really like it comes from a helpful place. But what I see in the women I work with they're often not giving themselves permission to move in the ways that they want to move.
Speaker 2:It's like either really slow yoga, meditation and these high, high intensity workouts. But what I love about processes like dance is it's that place in the middle where you're using dances a lot like sex, and it requires both branches of the nervous system to really come in and meet in the middle to get to those flow states. So what if you didn't meditate, but you use just intuitive movement as your way of feeling more power and pleasure? And the simplest way you can do that is I love getting a mirror, I love getting a piece of music and just going. What's a way that I can feel pleasurable through my body right now. Does that feel good? Not performing for the mirror but just going, does that feel good? Does that feel like a powerful move? I just did. Can I do it again? And I'm about to knock a microphone.
Speaker 2:I'm sure of it which happens all the time in my work. I'm always banging microphones around. But yeah, what if you just stopped, like the noise out there, and did like a dance meditation, a moving I call it moving meditation. If you tell me to sit still, I will tell you, nicely kindly maybe, where you could go, because I don't want to sit still. I love, I love moving as a way of accessing the feelings I want to feel.
Speaker 2:So maybe don't quote, unquote, slow down, don't meditate, which might put you more in your head. Maybe, just maybe, you need to move in a way that feels more powerful and pleasurable for you and in doing that, it's a mirror for sex and you're experiencing your sexuality. It doesn't have to be in sex that and with your genitals that you experience sex. It can be in these other incredible, seemingly ordinary aspects of life that you feel turned on.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:I think it's similar for men as well, maybe at least in my experience.
Speaker 3:Men I guess typically can you know favor a little bit more structure and a little bit more kind of routine in that way, and I think what I've noticed is that it's so important to balance that out with the rigidity of the world and maybe the rigidity of life, where you have certain roles that you need to do, certain functions that you need to perform Maybe there's not a huge opportunity for creativity outside of that that it's so important for men to have a version of that dance as well, and maybe it's something like, as you said, that kind of a dance, or it can be yoga or something.
Speaker 1:You do use Kundalini yoga? Yes, something totally unstructured. Unstructured.
Speaker 3:yes, I think that it lets you go with the flow that it lets you kind of move with it because in there there's real power in tapping into that. I fulfill my duty of designing my own music in a way that can be anywhere in the world. I was having a couple of moments towards the end of the year where I was didn't quite have the same, that my tools that I normally use didn't quite have the same level of sharpness attached to them, and I remember thinking I might need just some help in getting some new tools or learning how to resharpen the ones that I currently have.
Speaker 3:And I went and saw a psychologist for a few sessions and I really loved it. It was such an important experience for me and one of the things that we talked about, we talked about doing is when I would be asked to describe something, I would go straight into, kind of my head. I would go straight into the it's, this, it's that. It's the other thing.
Speaker 3:I think a specific example I can think of was in regards to, or maybe in regards to even asking to feel something. It's like how does that feel? And I'd be like, okay, well, it feels I don't know like. It feels thoughtful, I guess, or it feels emotional, but even in there there weren't, there wasn't the feeling or the emotion or the kind of the intensity attached to the word that was being used. Instead, it was just still coming from that head and that cognitive place, and it wasn't until then. I reflected on that after the session and then I thought you know what I'm gonna? I think I did a little bit of yoga, or maybe we just turned on some of your kind of we had music at home and got out the different woods that we burn and, kind of, you know, bless the place or whatever.
Speaker 2:They're just making a mess of that Cleansing, cleaning Totally.
Speaker 3:There's a more delicate, maybe, way of saying that, but it wasn't until that that I began to put the pieces together and I'm like, yeah, it's so important to, I think, label the emotions and go like a little bit deeper on it for many, as well as women just to identify what it is, so that then we can also act in our power and not how the, not how we kind of need to be which is that kind of tall, upright rigid you know sort of non-fun loving version of ourselves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I completely agree with you. Everything that we've covered today is for anybody listening and what you're saying really resonates with the experience I'm witnessing my husband go through as well and he'll be happy for me to share that and tapping into more of getting out of that holding state that men often are conditioned to be in. I'll do the holding, I'll do the holding, I'll hold this, I'll hold this, I'll hold this and just witnessing him start to come out of that on a more regular basis and tap into the feelings, the free-flowing movement. He was someone who said I don't dance. He would say I don't dance and it's like, but then you see him dance. It's like everybody dances.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Everybody dances and everybody it's innate to us. So I love that you went through that last year and it's a really important reminder that we can have the toolkit. And sometimes it's about honoring the toolkit that we've gotten. That it's incredible, but also recognizing. And now it's not about necessarily needing whole different tools. But what different aspects, excuse me, what different? What could I do that's and add junk to that.
Speaker 3:What could I do that's really complimentary to that.
Speaker 2:And there's no. That's a great, that's a really important piece to recognize that this has gotten you so far wonderful, it's done its job and I will come back to it. But what about adding this piece or exploring this piece?
Speaker 1:Yes, yes. And then, as you guys are both speaking to me, the music and the dance is such a reminder. You know, when you look at the through the lens of a seven year old, as we have, and young girls, chloe, just she'll dance every night. Now I think that's nature and nurture actually with the environment, but every night she'll dance and there's so much joy in, oh, can I do a dance for you, can I do this? And there's so much joy.
Speaker 1:And then at some point, as women or as humans, we stop. We stop doing all those things because we might look silly or the judgment that may come. But I have, I think, in the last couple of years, reminded myself of like it actually doesn't matter and actually doesn't have to be in front of anyone, and even this morning it may or may not still be on a Taylor Swift high for me, but having those, I picked two songs in particular and I was dancing to them and I was singing to them and I'm singing into the mirror and maybe I was performing for the mirror a bit more.
Speaker 2:But no, no, no, that's welcome as well. It's welcome as well. It was so fun.
Speaker 1:And it was just so fun and I thought oh yes, that's the joy you talk about. That's the pleasure we talk about and it just felt great, Like it really was just that little. And the beauty is when I think people feel oh, that sounds nice, but I'm feeling time poor, I'm this, I'm that with my time.
Speaker 2:It's minutes of your time Like we're not talking hours a day, it's minutes, sometimes a minute.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's just actually so powerful, but I don't know that we tap into it enough or that we're aware that we can access it enough just so easily anywhere.
Speaker 2:I'm really glad you brought that up, because nothing I speak about in my work is about multi-orgasmic, like having doing all these practices. It's always about what can I access as fast as possible from my toolkit and what's going to be as effective. That's a word I'm looking for more than fast, but what's going to be effective as soon as possible. And that's what I love about dance and that's what I love about having. I always have a certain station on in the car. It's called dance hits and it's just good. It's just good quality vibrational music, because I know that that's playing an influence as to what kind of frame of reference I'm living from and living in. And it's about keeping us tapped into that sense of possibility, that sense of illumination, that lightness, that fun, like there's so much fun missing from women's lives.
Speaker 2:They are thirsty, like there's a deficit of fun, and the more that you can tap into it through those very ordinary, everyday experiences in the car, playing music as you're getting ready. I just think it's just these small gestures that say my pleasure matters, my power matters, how I feel in my body matters, and it's that that really does so much of the defrosting for women, for men, for human bodies, and it just does so much of the work of letting go of that guilt, that shame, that powerlessness. It is the most effective way to take the power back.
Speaker 1:Yes, I wanna dance.
Speaker 3:I just wanna dance. There's a definite unlock there.
Speaker 1:Definitely I mean yeah, I won't go there because when else could you go? No, I'm like, because sometimes I'm just like oh, can we cancel the rest of our day? Can you and I just go home for an hour or two? But you can always have that opportunity for that kind of time, but you always have an opportunity for a minute of dance Always. Yeah, I mean you've got to make opportunity for that, so I'm not making excuses.
Speaker 1:But you know, in the middle of your day you can go to the bathroom and you can turn the music on. So, yeah, it's great. Amazing, what, how are we going? 51?.
Speaker 3:We're at 63.
Speaker 1:Okay yeah, yeah, beautiful. What do you want to? Is there a last question or something? Do we want to mix up the? Is there anything we haven't covered, Lauren, that you want to cover? You're good with everything. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm good, yeah, yeah, okay, beautiful Because, yeah, I want to change that last question, but if we can, if I can, beautiful.
Speaker 2:We'll edit this part, obviously, okay, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Beautiful Lauren, I've loved. Now I feel like there's so many things I want to get off this podcast and go and do yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I think we need a chapter two and a chapter three and a chapter four.
Speaker 1:Yeah, one. Any advice for us? What are you noticing? Is there anything you've got to? What are you noticing for Andy and I? What have we got to do?
Speaker 2:For the two of you. I am not seeing any blind spots or any. Yeah, there's always opportunity, but what I see between the two of you is this mutual respect, which is so important for the bedroom. If there's that in the everyday interactions, then that's more likely to flow into the bedroom.
Speaker 2:So I can see that respect, I can see that warmth, I can see that love, I can see that mutual understanding of your individuality. And so I'm just seeing like it's all a beautiful recipe for allowing that to flow in the bedroom, and I just want listeners to hear that it does start out of the bedroom, and one of the best quotes ever is by Esther Perroles Four play begins at the end of the last orgasm. Four play begins at the end of the last orgasm, and what she's speaking to is that cyclical nature. There's new femme waves even.
Speaker 2:It starts with the small things. It starts with the bedroom, what I call lounge room dancing, dancing in front of the mirror. It starts with how you speak to your partner. It starts with the consent. It starts with all the small things have so much weight in the bedroom, so master them in non-sexual situations and it just becomes a much more fluid process to ask for what you want in the bedroom or say actually this isn't quite working for me. Can we change positions? Just being able to speak up. It's the practice. Your best arena to practice in is in your life, outside of sex. But I've got no specific guidance.
Speaker 2:I want to acknowledge you and I want to. I really feel called to highlight what you're already doing so beautifully.
Speaker 3:Thank, you, thank you, we've got this video actually, I just like some feedback.
Speaker 2:Oh Did you read her back in that video.
Speaker 1:Very loudly. And Andy hasn't had a wax in ages, like ever.
Speaker 3:They take a year to wax weeks.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, If there's one last piece of advice, in particular for the leaders out there and people listening to this podcast, male and female, but if it needs to be more from a female perspective, whatever works for you. But what is one practical advice or one? Actually? Let me reword that what is one wish that you have that all leaders can walk away with experiencing or trying? You know, if you had one wish for our leaders to go and do, our listeners to go and do after today, what would that tip or advice be?
Speaker 2:I wish for every leader to have safe spaces where they can fully express themselves without any fear of judgment.
Speaker 2:Leaders have to do so much holding, and holding is an energetic state and I want leaders to know that you are so worthy of coming out of a holding state that it's really important that you are held and that you receive fully receive.
Speaker 2:When you're at the helm, generating so much, making decisions, being mindful of where everyone's at, moving the parts around, holding the parts that are moving, being nimble, adapting on the fly. You need a safe space, like an anchor, a port in the storm. I should say that you are so worthy of that and so many leaders don't realize that you are. So you're born worthy for a safe place to go so that you can be held and you can let all the shit out and I mean all the shit, everything and you can say all the things that you're not meant to say, because you're projecting a certain image out there and maybe you can't show all of your vulnerability to your team and you need to keep some parts of it for a really private space or experience. I just want every leader to know that, because that's what every leader ends up saying to me is how valuable it's been to have a place, because I'm in their back pocket to just say all the things that they can't say out there.
Speaker 2:And when you do that, the sooner you can feel stronger, more courageous again, more congruent and go out into the world and not have any of your power leaking out into poor boundaries or mismanagement or projecting your stuff because you're dissatisfied by what's going on at home and you bring it into work and you are a human and you are worthy of a safe space so that you can be who it is that you want to be. On your personal time, when you're in the public sphere, when you're doing your best work, it's really important that you are held and you receive.
Speaker 1:Beautiful Thank you. Thank you, they're beautiful words and we will put links to your socials and how to contact you as well, lauren, if people want that coaching perspective.
Speaker 2:Are you?
Speaker 1:open? Have you got spaces or are you fully booked up for the year? Oh, but you tell me or you tell our listeners, I have space.
Speaker 2:I have space, I'll put my links into my private climactic program and my podcast White Hot Business is being released in March 2024.
Speaker 1:Fantastic, awesome, awesome. We'll put all those links in. Thanks, and thank you so much for everything today. It's such a joy to be sitting here with you and thank you for joining us on Lead with Courage.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 3:Thanks, Lauren.
Speaker 2:Thank you.