More Than Words: Communication

Join Joe, Kelly and Ashlyn as they discuss communication and the importance of listening instead of just responding.  


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Transcript

 Welcome to the Blessings on Hope Road podcast, where we talk about life, family, and what it all looks like through the lens of our walk with God as we step into our calling as his children.

Welcome to episode five, more than it's a whole hand, more than words, communication.

I'm using my communication skills. Aren't 

you 

proud of me? 

She's using hand signals. She's giving me a whole hand over here. 

All right. You don't know 

what that means.

Okay. 

This is why we need to have video. 

Yeah, I think we'll get there eventually. I think we will too, too. I think I have a camera still getting adjusted. Welcome to episode five. Mm-hmm. We're glad you could join us. So, communication. Communication. 

Yeah. Who wants to explain what communication is and why it's important?

What it is and, and what it is and why it's important, what it is? Yes.

I'm playing. I, I apologize for everybody listening. Yes. Which stop I'm playing with stuff on the desk instead of sitting in front of the microphone like I am supposed to. So I apologize. Front and center, ma'am? Yes ma'am. Communication for communication duty. 

See, my expectation was, well, that this is way too high.

This is where I was gonna say, this is where it, 

you've been with him for 25 years. When did you. 

I still have my expectations. Okay. What? What? What? We never, 

have they ever been met? What?

I think I'm funny. You don't have to think I'm funny and that's okay. Plus the love, you guys. 

Okay. Communication. Let's get back to communication. I'm communicating. You're communicating.

We we Good. 

Yes, sir. 

Yeah. Okay. So, you know, actually

he muted.

That's not nice. I'm surprised you didn't 

censor. Welcome to the first five minutes of ridiculousness. So yes, we are talking about communication. It's important and it is the reason it is titled, it is titled More Than Words. It's not after that really bad eighties song. Mm-hmm. No, it's okay. I mean, I'm not gonna ing you for you.

You gonna sing it 

because I don't know what really bad eighties song you're talking about. I'm not. Please 

do. I'm intrigued. No, I'm not. But the reason communication is important is why? Well, I'm looking for this really bad song. 

Well, I. Communication's really important because if you don't communicate what your expectations are to somebody, then you're both gonna be really sad, really sad, because your expectations are not gonna be met, and their expectations are not gonna be, they're not gonna know what they are supposed to meet.

So that's a problem. So you need to communicate that. Now, sometimes communication is verbal and sometimes it's not. You are trying so hard not to speak. So I think in this day and age we struggle a lot with communication because a lot 

of us,

you said you that really bad eighties song, this really bad song. Yeah.

Okay. No, I don't know this song. 

Keep letting it play. Little little bit of background music. 

At least it doesn't have the really bad like techno, piano 

hold. No, this was like ballad time. Yeah. 

It's not like, don't you forget about me. It's not that bad. No,

he can't really sing though.

He's having his Celine beyond moment. 

He is. No, I actually, I do not. It just just popped in my head. Sorry, my 

about you. So a lot of people communicate these days with text messages. Yes. 

And text emails. 

Unfortunately, that's not always a good thing because people tend to, I was gonna say, why. People tend to read into the text message.

Mm-hmm. There's no tone with the text message. Yes. So if you can't hear a person's voice and you can't see them and see their body language, it makes it really difficult to interpret what they actually mean. Mm-hmm. So, text, message, email, anything like 

that? Yeah, it does. And it, that's why, I mean, it is, it is so much more than words.

It is way more than words because it, it obviously, I. If it were just about words, text messages would never get misinterpreted, right? If it was just about words, you would never have miscommunication on that sort of thing. I'll just chill out. I'm adjusting my microphone and my wife just gave me a look.

It'll be okay. Growing pains, sweetheart. Growing pains. Now my daughter is making weird cow noises with milkshake mouth. Um, but it's, it's literally, it's a different, like you can type I love you in a text message. I don't know. You've heard me, the kids have heard me say this. Tone is, I mean, you can have all the right words, but tone is everything.

Mm-hmm. And how you relay something to somebody, how you present what you're trying to get across. So if I walk up to you and say, Hey, I love you. That sounds like I love you. If I walk up and you're like, I love you. And I'm like, yeah, I love you too. Well, that I just said, I love you. I just said that I love you too.

But it did not sound like there was a whole lot of love No. In that, yeah, in that response at all. Um. Husbands and wives experience this a lot. They do. Sweetheart, what's wrong? Nothing. It's fine. Nothing. Nothing. It it, it's completely fine. Right? It's, it's completely, it's completely different than somebody saying, no, it's all good.

It's fine. No big deal. When somebody says it's short, Really kind of eh, like eh, oh, there's something wrong. 

But you're also seeing their body language and seeing that, yeah, they're not really 

okay. But in that tone you can hear it. You don't even have to see, you can do not have to see body language with that kind of tone.

No. You don't have to see body language. If you say, Hey, I love you, and I'm like, yeah, I love you too. What? See, we're talking about body language now. She's giving me this look like something's wrong and I don't 

know. Okay. Y'all know that emoji that it's like the straight mouth. It's like the straight eyes and the straight mouth.

That's the look she's giving you right now. 

Like the I know. And then when I say like, what's wrong? She's like, what? Why would you Nothing? I'm mine. Case in point. See here we go. Communication more than words. Yeah. I needed some words on that one. You did 

need some words on that one, and I did not give them I needed 

some.

No, you did.

Well.

All you have to do is ask to be muted. I would've muted you. It's fine. Okay. It's absolutely fine,

but a lot gets lost. There's a whole lot that gets lost in text messages and emails. I don't, I'm not a big fan of emails. I do not like emails at all. Yeah. Um, I would just as well, because I largely tend to feel like you can have a 32nd conversation and it will save you. Half a day of emails. Sure. Because emails tend to be one of those things people look at, and I feel like I understand the, uh, the aspect of emails being something that you can go back to.

Mm-hmm. And you can say, I and I, I am grateful for emails in that manner, but I feel like largely emails have turned into this crazy weird thing to where it's. Email somebody and it turns into a way of communicating an almost Pontius pilot style of washing my hands up. Well, I sent you an email. Right. And then if things don't come back, it's, it's almost a way of getting out of stuff at times.

Right. But I feel like, you know, if you send somebody an email, and it's especially like asking them to do something, if they don't reply back, like that's on you to make sure that you 

get a reply. Yeah. Yeah. And I guess maybe that's what I'm getting at as lawyers can be like, well, I, I sent you an email.

See, that's all, that's communication. Like you need to make sure that there is an open form of communication 

there. Yeah, no, 

it very much is. You know, it very, very much is also, um, when people send emails, don't capitalize everything. Like everything, because then person will you yelling at me. Yes. The person really feels like you're yelling at them.

If you're 

excited, just add an 

exclamation point. Right. I tend to not add those at all. From what I've told, we're working 

on it and we love that. For you, I've been very impressed that you're adding punctuation other than periods on social media posts for our coffee company. Yeah. Is that like new coffee and now shop 

our website period.

But well, there, there's a company that we deal with at work, a plumbing company, um, up in, well their, their headquarters is in, headquarters is in Bear, Delaware at, um, And all their e all of their emails, no matter who it comes from, everything's in capital letters, everything. That's just wrong. It doesn't Yeah.

But it doesn't bother me. 

Yeah. But I had a lady when I was at work, no matter when, like you would send her a question and she would literally answer back in all caps and it's like, why are you yelling at me all the time? But 

they're not yelling at you. I 

feel, no, I feel they just like kept talking.

Capitalization on everything other than just like proper grammar, especially over text messages. Like you're trying to like emphasize a word and what It's everything 

for most people. But not everybody. No, I 

mean like everything's capitalized. That's what I'm saying. 

Yelling at me. That's what I'm saying.

Like, it's not just like a, Hey, so glad you're having a good morning. That's like, Hey, that was probably really 

loud. Well, well, and there, there's the flip side of, of all of it. There has to be thought put into what you're right. Communicating and how you're communicating, how you're coming across. Like, it, it's, you can't, 

I mean, there were days I wanted to send back.

Do you know that your caps lock is on? Do you know how to turn it off? I wonder. 

Should've been like, why are you yelling at me? 

But, and that's just it. I don't, and I guess being in the construction trade for as long as I, you just learn not to take stuff personal. No, y'all are 

just yelling because you can't hear, right, huh?

Yeah, exactly. So it's like normal. 

Yeah. But hearing 

doesn't, oh my gosh. I'm joking. I know you are. 

I know you are. 

That's that's head right now. Yeah. Always. 

That's the right ear. That's lovely. Tinnius. Yeah. The right ear for sure. Um, But when you get back to it, when you get back to you, there is something to be said for sitting down face to face.

Sure. There's something to be said because there is a connection. When you look someone in the eye when you're talking, it's I, without words, it's being said that you have my undivided attention. Right, right. And it's the difference between somebody there is, and here's something that happens a lot these, this day and age, you'll get somebody, you'll be talking to them and they'll be on their phone and you're trying to like go over something.

Their phone will go off, they'll pick it up, they'll look down at their phone, and the whole time you're talking to him, they're going Uhhuh. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yep. No. Oh no. I to And it's like, I'll come back, I'll just, I'll, I'll come back. They're like, oh, no, no, no, you're fine. Like, no, obviously you're busy and whatever is on that is more important than what I'm trying to tell you.

Right. So get done what you gotta get done and I'll come, no, you're fine. Here. And then they'll, they'll put the phone down and just look at you with this look like, but you 

just say what you have to say. Like, 

that's, that's what I was trying to do. Yes. Right. But apparently whatever, whoever sent you that was more important.

More important. Mm-hmm. Because you're picking it up and you're smiling and you're like, that's so funny. Right. Well share or put it down and shut up 

expectations. Okay. We're right there. 

Obviously we need to work on your communications. Oh, I have 

no problem. No, I have no problem communicating. Let's 

not be aggressive.

No, I have no problem. Just like the color. Red is an aggressive color. Therefore, you can't write with 

red. We're not talking about colors, we're talking about words. 

That's why teachers grade papers in red. 

It's the way of yelling at people with ink. 

I was gonna say that, but I was like, no, maybe that's a stretch.

No, no, but there's body language, there's eyes. Eyes tell a lot. Yeah. You know, going back to that, sitting down and looking somebody in the eye and talking to them, you can tell a lot. Sure. Through somebody's eyes. And I mean, body language is a little different than just strictly facial expression. Mm-hmm.

There's a lot that goes on with facial expression too. Yeah. Um, I mean, Lord's sakes, I've heard a million times like, are you okay? What are you made about? And I don't, because my eyes tend to my eyebrows. I tend to kind of, you furrow them a lot. Yeah. I don't know what the word is. I was 

furrow them. Gonna say, what does that mean?

Because I, I tend to use it and I've heard it, but like, what does it mean? Yeah. I've gotta kind of, I know what it is, but like, what does it mean, like when you furrow your eyebrows, but like, what's the definition of a furrow?

Good question. Give what a is moving on? That is a really good question. While Kelly looks definition, Kelly looks that up anyway, but yeah, it's, you'll, you'll get the question like, are you, are you okay? Is something wrong? You look like you're upset. Like, no, I, my face naturally goes into that while I'm thinking.

So while I may look mad, I, I promise I'm not, I'm not mad at all. So there is, um, There's something be to be said for that too. So what do you have? What is, what does furrow mean? Hold on. I wanna 

get a good definition, 

not a poo definition. Yeah, why don't you go to Miriam Webster? 

I'm working on it. No. Cause Miriam Webster is what pops up when it, like when you search a definition for a word on Google, it's Webster 

Dictionary.

Yeah. Dictionary, which is the online dictionary. You have to search out Miriam Webster. At least on mine you do. Anyway, mine, like, 

I'm like looking for Maryanne Webster and like, mm mm-hmm. 

Just go, go to their website. Okay.

Maryanne Webster, 

is it really that 

important? Yes, it is. This point, to me, it is to 

me, 

to Ashland, 

it's important. Okay. So, and I'll stay up thinking about it if she doesn't answer my question. 

Okay. Anyway, but, and there's, there's something more, we kind of glazed over it. We, we did it really quick. But thinking, thinking about what you say before you say it, and that goes back to, you know, you think about it, when you and I grew up kale, there was a phone in the house.

Yeah. And not a phone that you carried around in your hand. There was a phone. Attached to a wall or Right. Plugged into the wall. Sitting on a table or on a counter or on something. And you couldn't, when we were younger, once we got older, they had cordless phones, but right when we were younger, everything had to cord.

That started out four foot long and by the time it was worn out, it was like, yeah, 10, 12 feet long 

and all tangled and everything 

else. But you had to answer the phone. Yeah. Like it, it wasn't just this thing where you. No, had no concept of like you had to pick up the phone not knowing who was on the other side.

There was no caller id. And it helped you learn. It helped you develop as a child the skills to talk to someone without being freaked out. Right. Because on this thing now, these handheld phones, you get something, you sound like an old timer, these handheld phones, but on the phones, the cell phones that you have in your, like you can just swipe it and make it go away.

Yeah, yeah. Decline it. 

Like I don't have to answer that. And it, and it's true. And I mean, think about it, when we were kids, like when we were little, we weren't allowed to answer the phone until we were, it was known that we could answer the phone properly. Yeah. And take a message and pass that message on properly.

Mm-hmm. Um, because I mean, I know, you know, at my old job, like I had to teach people how to answer the phone, 

which is insane to me because 

they didn't know how to answer the phone. And not that they didn't necessarily, like they answered it in their own way, but it wasn't. A business appropriate way to answer the phone.

Right. And to how to properly take a message. Like you have to ask the person's name, you have to ask their phone number, you know? Um, and people don't understand that because they don't talk on the phone as much. Mm-hmm. They'll swipe that decline button and then text somebody back and be like, what do you need?

No, just lie right through your teeth. Yeah. I'm busy right now, swiping, Hey, I'm in the middle of something. What's up? And you ain't doing nothing. You know darn well you were just sitting on Facebook. Stop lying, watching tv. I 

literally just saw a post on TikTok today that this guy made, or it was like a sound and it was like, it's a pov.

Me watching my phone ring because I don't like talking on the phone and it it, he was just staring at the screen. Right. And I know so many kids my age that. Can not, will not struggle with talking on the phone. Yeah. And they they get 

anxiety about it. Yeah. 

Like, I don't, they don't know how to talk to people.

It's almost like when they're talking, you're watching like a little text bubble, like come up and start to like do the like little like, like radi. Yeah. Dodo do, do and then it like goes away. Yeah. And then it like starts to come and it's, I don't know, it's just crazy to me. 

Yeah. Okay. To furrow your brow means to create a deep line or trench.

So a furrow is. A trench is a trench. So when you like pull your eyebrows together, you create a, like, you create like deep trenches in your, okay, now we're my forehead. 

Okay. Okay. Last episode was squirrel. Let's not, let's stay focused. Let's keep it focused. Look, I am your squirrel and I know, come on, love me.

Bring it back. You love me. But yes, you have to be able, and it helps you. Having the phone, having the phone like that, you develop the skills without realizing it. Right? Like you didn't know when you were a kid, you just wanted to be able to use the phone. Oh, that's all it. It was the coolest thing ever.

Like, Ooh, I get to answer the phone. Let me, let me. 

Right. Y'all fought for it. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah, I know, but then you had to watch what you said on the phone if you did answer the 

phone. Well, getting thoughtful cuz you have no idea who's on the other side of it because you didn't know who was 

on the other line.

Nope. Because we didn't have caller ID back then. Nope. That was not a thing. No, you learned 

to recognize voices. Yes. 

And yeah. 

Yeah. I mean, you just knew it by the sound of the voice when somebody called, oh, that's my grandmother. No, that's my aunt. And that's just how it, it, it's just how it worked. And it, it, it strikes me if you can't talk to your friends, On the phone.

How in the world are you gonna talk to God? Mm. Yeah. You can't see him. I know. I'm sitting across the table and I'm talking to you right now. Right. But I mean, you think about it, even just to close your eyes and not be able to see that person. It starts to get like borderline awkward. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Like I know you're sitting there, so it's not that big of a deal.

You guys can't see me listening right now, but I'm sitting here with my eyes closed. He is, but it's weird. It's very weird. I, well, it's the equivalent, like when you're talking to God, like if I, if I were just sitting, when I come in here in the mornings and I sit down to pray and to read and to just have my time with him in the morning, like it's, it's quiet.

Yeah. There's nobody to look in the eye. Mm-hmm. There's no to wrap my arms around and give a hug to, no matter how bad I want to, Nope. But it's being able to open up and welcome his presence. Right. In a sense that's what you're doing when you're communicating with people. You're, you're opening up your life, your day, what's going on, and you're communicating.

You're allowing their presence into Yeah. What you have going on. And it's a big deal. And it becomes so easy with cell phones, with emails, with all that stuff to just isolate yourself connected while being completely disconnected. Right. All at the same time. 

And that's exactly what the enemy wants. Oh yeah.

He wants you isolated. Because then he can get into your 

head. Well, what does, uh, you turn on a wildlife show? And what does, you guys hear me say this all the time? Yeah. You turn on one of those wildlife shows. What do you see the lions do when they hunt? Any predator that hunts in a pack or a group, they're 

separating those weak and the young, and then they, they attack it.

They attack it. That's. How it works. Yeah, 

it's a whole nother soapbox we could get on. 

For sure. For sure. But see, now here's the crazy part. Here's something else we haven't even, we've talked about, you know, different forms of communication. Sure. We've talked about the things that we use as far as words, you know, body, ex, body language, facial expressions, you know, the look in your eyes.

There's. One form of communication that requires absolutely no movement. Absolutely. Absolutely no words, no facial expressions. None of that is required to listen. Yeah. To 

someone. And that's hard for a lot of people they don't understand to just listen, not respond. Mm-hmm. Just listen. Just stop and listen to the person and hear what they're 

saying, not just hearing what they're saying, but trying to understand why they're saying what they're saying.

Yes, where they're coming from and what. Their purpose in saying yes. 

Yes. 90% of your conflict would be resolved right there. Yeah. Yep. If you listened to understand, 

respond to respond with the intent. Intent to understand, respond. Yes, exactly. 

Not to tell someone. Well, this is what I know. Yeah. And you can tell somebody who, and look, I, I get excited when we get in some of these meetings.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I get fired up and I wanna, but when you're having a legitimate, like, deep conversation with somebody mm-hmm. Yeah. And you get that one person. And I, I think maybe everybody, at least at one point or another, has known or does know. Uh, there was a person that I used to work with back in the day, and when you're having conversations, man, you would be talking and you could just tell.

They would just be like, uh, uh. And you'd be in the middle of talking and they like, oh my gosh, are you gonna be like, yeah, can you just wait? Like my goodness. Right. Just rain man. For one second. Couldn't wait to start talking like you're not even listening right now. Right. To what I'm saying. And you know how I know because you're already thinking about.

Thought about formulated your response, and I haven't even finished speaking yet. Right. And you've already formulated a response. How in the world are we gonna have effective communication? Yeah. If you didn't even listen to everything I had to say before you responded. Right. And it doesn't require an immediate response.

No. Listen, be quiet. Think about what that person said. Yeah. You don't have to come right back. I mean, what 

have we always taught our kids think before you speak, 

you have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Yes. You should listen twice as much as you speak. Listen twice as 

much. 

Absolutely. Well, and I think in, especially with today's society, with how it is and everything being on phones, people genuinely struggle with that.

Cause think about it, when you're texting somebody, you type, type, type, type. Whoa, I don't like what I just said. Let me, let me, let me that. Lemme backspace. Yep. And it's almost like, I know for me especially, it's like I draft up a whole thing that I wanna say, say if it's a long text message. Mm-hmm. And I'll go back and I'll edit it of, oh, I said that the wrong way.

I think it would be better if I said that. You can't do that. You 

can't in a conversation. Like it's 

out. 

It's like tooth, take it back. Exactly. Once you squirt toothpaste, that's it. It's over. It doesn't go back and 

put it in the can't back in 

the, I mean, you can try, it's gonna take you a long hot minute to do that, though.

It doesn't really 

work that way. So, and that's really important to understand and that's what, unfortunately I think a lot of, you know, people your age, oh, especially now and, you know, twenties, um, they just spout out the first thing that comes to their mind. Instead of taking time to think about it, I'm guilty of that because they're like, oh, it doesn't matter.

Because it's such a society of, it's in a text message and it's gone. It's instantaneous, it's gone. It doesn't 

matter. You don't like it. You can just cl X out of 

it and it's gone. Right. And, and that's not, that's not true. Yeah. Because it's there, it's permanent. Right. And you need to think about what you're saying.

I. Absolutely. And the way it's coming across to someone else, cuz it could be detrimental to that person. Mm-hmm. And that's not 

a good thing. No. And it's, as you're sitting there talking about all this, like it's, it's, and I'm flipping to some scripture, I'll get to it in a second, but as you were just saying that, It reminded me of all the times, like when I, before I knew Christ, like I prided myself on like, you're gonna, you're gonna hear what I have to say.

Yeah. You didn't care what people thought, and I don't care what you think. Mm-hmm. I don't care how it makes you feel. If you have a problem with what I said. Well, obviously it is just that it's your problem, right. Not mine, but you don't realize how arrogant that is. Yeah. And how just with that attitude, Just with that attitude, you're letting everyone around, you know, I could care less.

Mm-hmm. About your feelings, about what you think, how you feel. I don't care about anything, which is basically telling somebody, I'm really not worried about you at all. Right. I'm really worried about myself and that Right is dangerous. I, there are many people. Many, many people who, and sometimes even professing Christians who will say, well, you know, I just, I, I just have to speak the truth.

Yes. But he told you to speak the truth in love. Speak the truth. In love in love, yep. So you can speak the truth and mm-hmm. Still be a jerk. Yeah, absolutely. Just because, and there are too many, People that use that crutch, they do. Mm-hmm. As well. If you don't like it, it's not my fault. It's the truth. It is what it is.

Yeah, I understand that. And you are correct. You could have said 

it in a much better way. 

And yeah, and I'm, that doesn't mean you have to be like, okay, hair, so no, here we go. You don't have to coddle let to sugar coat it, but you can very much be like, okay, you know what I, and listen to somebody, let them speak, let them finish and say, you know what, I see what you're saying.

And I understand, but what if, or I understand. Have you ever thought about it like this? Right. You don't have to just, well, yeah, but that's wrong. 

Yeah. It's this way. You're wrong. And the only way that's not, that's not, 

and we're all learning. Look, I am not, I am not 100% good at this. There is a lot of, there has been a lot of years of.

Bad habits Sure. That have taken time, um, that the Lord has had to work me through, right? But he's gonna work me through it. And I believe in that because is word tells me that I'm a new creation. Right? All things have gone, new has come. So, but talking about all this, I want to, we can't not go to scripture because that is the final authority, because it's the word of God.

Um, James one 19. So then my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear. Slow to speak. Slow to wrath for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Everything in scripture is very intentional. It is. There is not a tot a taught, a not like a tater tot. There is not a jot or a tiddle. I was gonna say a tot, what's a tittle?

It's in scripture. A jot or a tittle. It's an old English phrase, so not the tiniest letter of the law. Okay. Is not to do away. But anyway, you got just, you're asking too many questions. Stop. 

Stop. I'm asking. I'm using my communication skills. See, I'm listening to what you're saying, not hearing you. And I'm asking for insight so that can We'll 

go back you Yeah.

But you're, communicate. Communicate that your communicating is causing squirrels. So please. Fun. Write your questions down. We'll answer after a hill 

is a point or small sign used as a di critical mark in writing or printing? I don't know what that word means. That a very small 

part. 

Okay. Okay. Back James one 19.

Thank you. 19. Be,

be swift to hear. Slow to speak. Slow to wrath. Yes, and that's, it's in that order for a reason. Notice the first thing James said. Be. Be swift, be quick. Yeah. That comes first to hear. To hear and listen. Yeah. Listen. And even after you're quick to hear, you still need to be slow to speak. That means 

you need to think about it.

You're processing. Yes. Yeah. Take your time. Don't just respond and 

react. And a lot of times if you do that, it'll avoid you or it'll help you. It'll avoid you. It'll help you to avoid being angry. Which is the wrath. 

Which is the wrath. You have to be slow. Mm-hmm. That so, 

because the a, the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

No. So when you overreact and you get all fired up, God is not proud of you. He's really not. Yeah. And this scripture tells us that we can be angry and said, not 

now. This is totally different than having the fire within you and. The fire from when you see, 

when you see injustice and get angry. Yes. That's a little bit different.

That's a little different. The wrong is wrong. Yeah. Yeah. If somebody's, you know, if you see a, a husband laying hands on his wife and Yeah. Doing not nice things physically or somebody trying to hurt, like hurt, hurt different. And that's, 

I think we need to like make that clarification. Yeah, absolutely. And thank you.

There is a difference. Yes. 

Jesus flipped tables 

and he did. He did very much so 

because they were doing things that were wrong in 

his house. Drove the money changers out with whips. Yeah. Yep. So not only did he flip tables, but he was like, get up outta here. 

They were doing the wrong 

things in his house.

You ain mama.

But there was, and that needed to be done did. They were using God's house. They were using the temple as a place to, for correction. Cheat people outta money. Yep. And that's not, that's not, okay. No, not at all. But every last one of these, if you're going to have the most complete version of communication, it takes all these, all these things that we've talked about, you know, putting thought into it, articulate, clearly, speak.

Use words don't always. If you can do, if you can have conversations with people without it being through a text message, without it being through an email, do it. Yeah. Yeah. Um, even just talking on the phone is leaps and bounds better right. Than a text message or an email? Oh, absolutely. Because you can actually, it's.

I say, and I know you, you've experienced this in your former job. You know, when you talk to people, like when I talk to vendors mm-hmm. And I call, I call 'em on the phone, like you know their voice. Yeah. When they pick up the phone. But then if you actually get an opportunity to meet them, it's like, oh my gosh.

Like we already know each other. It's not awkward. Yeah. It's not awkward at all. It's not awkward. Yeah. Like you see him, you hear the voice and it's like, there he is. Yep. Yeah. That's the guy I've been talking to on the phone. That's awesome. How are you? It's. And sometimes it, that, that's where it becomes pleasantly surprised.

Um, you can become pleasantly surprised that we had a guy come down from one of our vendors, the, the same company up in bear. He, uh, man, super nice guy, always helpful, always willing to go above and beyond. And I called him. It wasn't anything to do with, you know, something they did wrong. It was just something came up.

It was an emergency, it was short notice. And I called him and I was like, man, can you get us these? Like, I know. That you guys have a truck coming, but I have no idea. It might not be here till noon and that's not gonna work for us. And he was like, I'll bring it down. Right? He said, let me get some stuff wrapped up and I'll bring it down myself.

Like that's the kind of company they are, right? So he grabs these parts, he comes down, he shows up, and I'm like, who's this dude? Because in my mind, hearing this guy's voice, he did not look like that. I had like created the old man from up. Oh, I, I just did, maybe not quite that old, right. Some, but in somewhere my mind, it was gonna be an older guy, you know?

Yeah. Gray hair, glasses. Yeah. Gray hair. And he got outta the truck and I was like, you are not that, sir. Who's this cat? And he walked in and I heard him talking. He was like, Hey, is Joe here? I'm like, oh my gosh, that is, Nope. Did not see that coming. Did not see that coming at all. Like you're way younger than I thought.

No offense. Yeah, but you're way younger than I thought you were gonna be. Yeah. 

It 

happens though. Look, I have a tendency to do that with personnel or with personnel with looks. I'm not even kidding. There was a girl that I went to school with for. Three or four years. And in my mind, her name was Faith. She looked like a faith.

She sounded like a faith. And she was in my science class and I found out her name was Taylor. 

That's not the same. No, that is not even close. Not 

even close. That is not Faith. Like I had been 

calling her faith cuz I swore her name was Faith. Right. Like to all of my friends. And she's like, my name's Taylor.

And I was like, Oh, are you sure? Hope. 

Are you sure? Are you sure? 

And your name. That's your middle name. Are you going by your middle name? Really? 

Yeah. Is your name really Taylor? Is it really Taylor Faith? But yeah, all these things work together. They do. And they have to work together. If we are to have effective, yeah.

Communication and that has to, for relationships to work and function the way God made him to do it. It there has to be that. There has to be that. Sure. But what are some hindrances? Let's, cuz we've talked all about what communication is, you know, what it looks like, what you, what are some things that can hinder communication 

feelings.

Hmm. That's a 

big one. That's a huge one for sure. How so? 

I think it depends on the person. Um. I know, especially with people my age, this is just speaking from what I've experienced and the things that I've gone through personally. There are times, as I guess teenagers, when you're still like stepping into adulthood, especially you don't know how to process feelings.

A lot of people don't know how to process feelings. You don't understand how to. Deal with them and communicate them properly. Because what you're feeling is just so big and it's so overwhelming. Exactly. Mm-hmm. And it's kind of something that God downloaded to me when dad was talking about the scripture.

It said, be angry and said not. And that's, it's almost God's way of telling us, Hey, feelings are okay. I put them there for a reason. Mm-hmm. Don't let that dictate how well you act or communicate. Um, I think certain feelings are harder to communicate than others, especially when it comes to, I guess, things we deem like bad feelings, right?

Like sadness, anger, frustration. Right? Because a lot of us aren't taught how to process 'em. There's no, there's no rule book on. If you're feeling sad, you should say these 

things, right? And there's not, and that's, you know, that's on the parents with. When they're training up kids how to deal with those feelings.

Right. And I feel like a lot of parents don't train their children because they don't know how to fully deal with those because they don't know how to deal with 'em themselves because of past experiences 

in their life. I understand. And largely there is, there's only so much you can teach. Yeah. There really is only so much when it comes to processing.

It's just teaching. It's teaching. And you guys touched on something huge. We're gonna go, we're not gonna let that skip, because that's what I was thinking the entire time you were talking. Um, 

but it's, it's teaching them how to recognize those feelings. I was, there you go. And, yeah. Yeah. That's the thing.

What is it that I'm feeling Right? A lot of parents don't take that time. Mm-hmm. When a child is going through those moments, they're quick to punish them and to speak and get mad at them instead of 

saying and tell them that they're wrong for feeling the way that they're feeling. Yes. Instead of 

saying, hold up.

Let's figure this out. Let, let's figure out what's going on right 

now. 

Right. And let's talk about it. And I mean, I'm probably public public enemy number one. Right? Top of the offender list on that. 

I was younger. Well, and I think the lot argument are, because they get busy and they get doing things 

and then it is, but a lot of it, a lot of what you said, you guys both hit the nail on the head.

A lot of people don't know how to deal with it themselves. Yeah, well, exactly. You can take. You can't lead a child into an area that you don't know yourself how to get through it. Exactly. You cannot, that, that literally is impossible. It is. It is the definition of the blind leading the blind into a ditch.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, we'll just figure it out as it goes. Like it hits, it's, it's kind of like what I shared, you know? And a young man that is bringing up a little one I shared with you. Mm-hmm. Last night. Yeah. And the way he explained how he was teaching and disciplining. His daughter. Mm-hmm. Was beautiful.

Yeah. And this guy is like literally, he's almost half my age. Yeah. But I'm listening to him describe it and how they go about it. And he just, in that moment I was like, just for that fleeting moment, I was super proud of him. But at the same time it was like, oh my gosh, I wish I knew then when I was your age.

What I know now. Yeah. Right. And you know, at, at that age, What I know now. It took me until now Right. To know these things. But you're only 25. Yeah. And that's how you're handling your kids. You are Yeah. The blessing. Yeah. That is gonna come back to your family for that right there. Right. There's, there's no, there's no cap on it.

Yeah, absolutely. There. There will be no limit to the blessing that comes back. Right. Because of that. And it was so awesome. Yeah. And so convicting all at the same time. Cause I was like, good for you. That was not me. Right. That was not me at all. I was everything that you just said, I was the polar opposite Yes.

Of that. Yeah. There was no, let me waiting for you to get done crying. Oh, you, you don't wanna shut up. I'm gonna, I'll give you a reason to cry. Lemme help you. Yeah. Shut up. You're either gonna shut up or I'm gonna shut you up. Yeah. And it, it literally, it's this, but that's the stuff that I grew up with.

Mm-hmm. And that's, yeah. And when you don't know any better, we've, we've talked about this before, you go with what you know. Mm-hmm. Yep. And I don't know how to handle it. And it hasn't been until, I mean, I'm talking like in recent, like recent, like the last year or two where it's been like, okay, like I learned to get angry and walk away.

Yeah. I would get angry and I would just, I gotta get outta here. I'm gonna blow my top. Right. But the last couple years it's been like, dude, what are you really getting angry over? Yeah. Is this really gonna be a problem in two hours? It will be if you act on your emotions. Yeah. Yeah. But if you just take a deep breath.

Yeah. Be swift to here and slow to speak. This will all blow over and it'll all be just fine. Right. And it won't even be a memory. No. In three days, not at all. Won't even look back at it and go, man, you remember the other day, it's, it's gonna, it's gone. Yeah. Completely gone. But what won't be going, what won't be gone is if I blow up.

Does 

that hurt? Yeah, because 

that hurts. Stays because that it's, it's literally one of the best, one of the absolute best analogies I've ever heard put when it comes to communicating and being able to deal with what you're thinking about and what you're, you know, what you're feeling as you are articulating.

What you want to articulate. The words are the equivalent of taking a chain and walking up to it like a wooden picket fence, and you just start wailing right on that fence. But when you get done and it's all marred up and it's busted up and it's chipped up, you can take all the paint in the world, put the paint's, not the cover up, the paint over all that stuff.

Mm-hmm. But you can still see the dents. Mm-hmm. You can still see the chips, you can still see the broken. That's the equivalent of not being able to control yourself and then saying, oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Well, yeah, you can say, I'm sorry, but, but it doesn't mean anything. It's, well, if you don't change, it doesn't mean 

anything.

If you don't change, it doesn't mean anything, doesn't, you're saying the words, 

but it also doesn't just take the hurt away and make it all better. No, no, it's, it 

takes time. It's still there. It takes time for those to heal. Mm-hmm. Because a lot of those wounds are pretty 

deep. And what you have to what.

And in that place you have to realize it's one of two things. Physically with that fence, you're either gonna take the pickets off mm-hmm. And replace them. Yep. Or it's gonna be there. Well, when you're dealing with people emotionally, how do you replace those pickets? You can continue to prove that you meant what you said when you said, I'm sorry.

Mm-hmm. And the next time something like that takes place, you're gonna do it differently. You don't act the same way. Right. You correct it in that moment. You take a picket off and you replace it. Yeah. Right. And then when you, when another situation comes up and you prove that, Hey, I'm gonna stop and think about, well, now you've replaced another picket.

And before, you know, and that's why it takes so much time Right. To rebuild. It doesn't, and that's why communication is so big. If we could just learn to talk to each other and what you've talked about explaining mm-hmm. Your expectations, like letting people know what your expectations are. And then on the flip side of that, listening, Yeah, it would, it would eliminate so much conflict.

Absolutely. Yeah. That it, it's not even funny. Right? But we tend to like to play old. Well, this is the way I feel, right? You need to understand the way I feel. Yeah. And that, but that's a different feelings are a different subject for a different time. 

Yeah. We're not gonna get into the feelings 

part tonight because it's a it's a deep, deep.

Well, yeah, feelings are good. By the way, I'm not against feelings and I'm not saying you should be a cold, callous, cerebral robot, but feelings are channel markers. They are not the captain of the ship. Yeah. 

Yeah. Don't gimme on that soapbox. I'll talk for an hour and a half. 

That was a good cup of coffee. I might have to have more.

I'm just tasty. What kind? Columbia. Oh, okay. Yeah, Columbia. It's good. Okay. It's really good. All right. But thank you guys so much for tuning in. Uh, we hope this blessed you. Uh, I pray that as you have hung out with us and you've listened to this, you are uplifted, you are encouraged. I pray that you have heard the Lord speak to you through this.

Maybe there's some areas that have brought a little bit of conviction. Conviction's, good conviction's. Very good. Um, If you've had that, just repent of it. Move on. Don't, uh, don't dwell on it. And if it's beating you up, that's condemnation. That's not the same thing. That's from the enemy. That's conviction is from the Lord.

Condemnation is from the enemy. So if you have a voice in your ear right now telling you you're no good, and you're worthless and you're stupid, and that's why God can never love you, tell the devil to get outta your head and get outta your life. Get behind me, Satan. Get the behind me. Satan. Not today, Paul.

So thanks for tuning in guys. We will see you on the next episode. 

Thanks for listening to the Blessings on Hope Road podcast. If you'd like to support the show, click on the link in the description and don't forget to follow the show to get notifications whenever there is new content.