It Is Time To Be Real Part 2

Join Joe, Kelly and Ashlyn as they talk about It's Time to Be Real part 2.  This episode came after 3 tries of recording what was supposed to be "Put Your Roots Down".  After realizing that it was not going to work yet and was not in God's timing they moved on to another topic and have a conversation that covers multiple items.  Get ready to laugh along with them as they have a discussion around the table.  They discuss why some people feel that they cannot turn to God, feeling unworthy to be in His presence and feeling forgotten.   

Our prayer is that you find this episode helpful and full of joy.  If you need prayer for anything specific reach out to us on any of our social accounts or via email at blessingsonhoperoad@gmail.com
Instagram
Facebook

Thank you for listening to this episode of Blessings on Hope Road.  Please subscribe on Spotify or Apple podcasts and make sure you check back every week for new episodes.  
Have a Blessed Day!

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):

https://uppbeat.io/t/asher-lee/dance-with-me

License code: PXMNYLZKYUUIZJXB

Are you interested in supporting the podcast and God's call on our life?  Visit the link below to help spread the gospel.   https://www.buymeacoffee.com/blessingsoz

Transcript

Welcome to the Blessings on Hope Road podcast, where we talk about life, family, and what it all looks like through the lens of our walk with God as we step into our calling as his children.

So welcome to episode 11 of Blessings on Hope Road. I don't have anything cool. I mean, you could do double pointers instead of two hands. Okay. So that wasn't funny. We're going to kind of be real this time. We have recorded episode 11. This will be the third time trying to record this episode. between, we're very successful people.

If you haven't No. It just wasn't working. No, it was not working. The second time wasn't working because of some, um, there was just a lot going on. There was a lot going on in this house. Yeah. There was a lot of stuff happening. There was a lot of, it's not, you don't wanna [00:01:00] exaggerate it. There was just everybody had something.

Something, yes. Kind of. And when you have everybody trying to deal with something at the same time that everybody else is trying to deal with something, uh, it creates not a very conducive format to sit down and say, let's record a podcast. Yeah, no, it was not good. It was really difficult, um, and tensions were very high at some point during this.

So after really sitting down and trying to edit it, I was like, yeah, this isn't going to work. So Kelly's just going to talk. No, Kelly's not just going to talk. That's not how this is going to roll. But I mean, what about that? Like it is hard when you have a schedule laid out and you have to deviate from that schedule.

Because there, life happens. Can we just be honest? Life happens. Life does happen and that, that is, it's, [00:02:00] it's drawing the fine line and deciding what is necessary. Yes. What is distraction and

how firm do you have to be in your discipline? Right. To say we're going to push in. And regardless, right? Go after. Obviously, we tried once, we tried twice. Okay, this is third time. Let's chill out a little bit. Yeah. So we kind of changed our topic. So we had said, um, that episode 11 was going to be putting your roots down, but we have to deviate from that just a little bit because it it's not ready.

There are some things that I think we need to Yeah. Okay. Dig into a little bit more. Uh, yeah, there's, there's some things I think I need to study out. Um, I mean, we could wing something right now, but it would be probably, it wouldn't be the best, it would not [00:03:00] hit the mark of what we're gunning for. Um, as far as how big of a blessing it would or wouldn't be.

Um, and I want people to be blessed by it. So, and our heart is for people to, um, well, to just enjoy it, but to understand that. And it's not even for people. Our, our hope and our purpose is for God to be glorified through the whole thing. And then people can not be so intimidated. And I think that it's just, it's funny.

I was talking to somebody who, uh, it was really weird. My mic cut out for a second. Yeah, that was really, um,

But I was talking to somebody who was just recently saved and when I say just recently saved, like I'm talking about like yesterday, right. Um, He was sharing with me that he didn't realize it, but it's fear. Fear is what was holding him [00:04:00] back from what he knew he needed to do. And he knew that there was pressure.

He knew that there was things that were needing to change and he wanted those things to change, but he could not, he couldn't figure out how to just let go. And he knew there was a background. He was brought up in such a way. He was, God was not a foreign thing to him, but for whatever reason, he just could not move past.

Well, but I think when you, when you live a certain way. And you have lived a certain way for so long. It's really hard to turn. Well, yeah, and that's what, that's what I'm saying. It's like to make it so you don't have to be afraid. Yeah. I mean, it's, you don't, it's difficult because you are going into the unknown.

You know, God, isn't something that we see, we [00:05:00] don't physically see God and people struggle with realizing that God is real because you can't see him. He's not in front of your face. I can see you. I know that you're No, I agree. I can see you. I agree. I don't, but so it's a struggle to believe in something you can't see.

I, I, I agree. Okay. I agree. But there are, but there's a, but there are too. There's always a, but there are too many.

There are so many things that come off of that. There are so many things that come off of that. But yes, I, so I agree, baseline of what you're saying, I agree a thousand and one percent. However, I think a lot of it turns into, I'll give God a try until I don't get what I want. Right. Yeah. And then when I don't get what I want, and [00:06:00] I'm this, I'm speaking.

And I try to base it everything that we talk on here. I try not to there's never a pointing a finger at somebody. It's a understanding that I Have uh, I have done that myself When things have it I can remember being a new believer, you know and just kind of get into that place Where it's like, oh, wow, everything, it was almost as if life was full of billboards.

Right. That God was trying to show me just how much he loved me. Right. And then, as you get deeper into that relationship, things change. It's not always so. And I, I told you this and I'm sure some of you might make fun of me for this, but sorry, it's just, it's my walk with God. It's what he used to do. So when I first came to the Lord, I used to spend so much time outside praying like everything that would come up.

It was just like, I got to walk out. I need to go pray. I need to get out of this [00:07:00] craziness for a minute. And most of the craziness was in my own head. Right. But I just had to get things quiet long enough so I could hear his voice and I would be okay. But I don't know if you remember, I would walk outside and if I walked outside like right now, it's dark outside right now.

Yeah. When I walked outside, I promise you, I would see no less than one shooting star every single time I walked outside. Made me so mad. It did not matter what time. And I mean, sometimes it was two, some of them, it would be that shooting star. Not like you blink, you miss it, but it was almost as if the tail of it would just leave a trail across the sky.

And it was like, Oh my God. Gosh, that was awesome. And then a certain point was reached where there, there was an intimacy that was built because as I'm talking to him and I see those things, it's almost as if I could feel his presence right there. Like it's like, it was almost, again, this is going to sound stupid.

There's nothing in scripture like this. Okay. This is just my experience, but it was almost like a little wink, [00:08:00] like I hear you, I gotcha. Heard you. That was a big deal for me. Right. But as the relationship grew, all of a sudden I wasn't seeing it every single time I walked outside. And it was like, is God mad at me?

Should I do something wrong? Like, Oh no, what did I, and everything starts to go inside. And I think that can also play a role in like, Oh my gosh. Oh no. And it makes it, we overcomplicate so much. We, if for some reason as humans, we have such a hard time just going with it, just go with it. What's God saying?

Yeah. Like don't be. And to get back to the, the, the guy that I was talking to today, you know, I was afraid what people would say. And I was able to share like, man, I I've been there. I get it. I understand. But this is the flip side of that coin. People are always going to talk. Sure. It [00:09:00] doesn't matter what you're doing.

And I got, this is not me being pessimistic. It's just, it's the reality of things. Nine times out of 10, nine times out of 10, you have those few people that are the exception.

People are your friends when you're not standing here, they're going to say something about you. Yeah. So who cares? Give them something to talk about. I mean, really, at the end of the day, what are you, seriously, think about this. What are they going to say? Man, that dude sucks. He's getting his life together and making good decisions.

Man, he he goes to church every Sunday. What a terrible person. He's really turned over a new leaf and is not a bum. God, that guy sucks. Like, who's going to say that? Well, the people that are struggling, but that's okay, right? You can share that love with them at some point, but [00:10:00] it's just demystifying it a little bit.

It's not that that's what we want these episodes to do. It's it's just everyday life. It is everyday life through the lens of, and this is a big deal. It's through the lens of walking out what God has for us. It's not easy. Yeah. I don't, I don't think any of the three of us sit behind these microphones and try to come off and sound like, you know, if you would just do this a little bit differently, maybe it would work out for you.

Um, I have news for you. I'm still trying to figure out a lot of stuff. For real. Yeah. I was on the phone with my dad today and I actually told him, I was like, you know what I figured out in 43 years, dad, you know, the one thing I know for sure, he said, what's that? I said, I don't really know anything.

That's what I know for sure. Yep. Mm hmm. I'm just every day going, okay, Lord, what do you have for me today? Because if there's one thing I know it's, you know, everything and I don't, right. [00:11:00] Please somebody input. Something that kind of came to mind when you guys were talking about, you know, coming back to the Lord and people having this fear of like, Oh, what do people think?

Or something that's what's holding you back. I know for a time in my life, it was feeling unworthy of going to God. Like, God, you've done so much for me, and I walked away from it and chose to live the way that I wanted to, knowing that it was wrong. And I shouldn't, I was still making those decisions. It's not like one of those things that like,

I'm just like, you accidentally do something and they're like, oh man, did not mean to say it that way, my bad, dude, like. Right. Really like, yeah, okay, whatever. And having to come back to him and be like,

I should not be sitting here right now. Yeah. [00:12:00] I think that gets a lot of people and that's why they get confused. You know, when you come to Christ and you get saved, no, you're not always going to be walking the right path there. We're human. You're going to screw up. Going to mess up and it's okay. Like God still loves you.

He's still your father and he still loves you This is why the original episode 11 wasn't ready because it's building blocks, right? There are there are steps and putting your roots down isn't something that's singular. It's not its own thing It's a part of So much more And it was actually kind of cool to hear pastor Dave Uh, bring it up yesterday, you know, he talked about putting your roots down.

Well, what is your, what are your roots down in faith? Right. The roots grow down into faith. Yeah. Um, and it's faith in Christ. It's faith in God. [00:13:00] But when you get to that place, it's where you're going, Oh man, what the heck? You know, I, I've, I've messed up. I've, I've turned away. And sometimes even if it's not like that, Oh, shucks revelation, where you just finally give up and you're like, you know, I was ticked off and I turned my back.

Here's the cool part. We have to remember a lot of the letters, well, all the letters in the New Testament were written to the church, right? So in first John chapter one, and it popped it, man, it jumped in my spirit as soon as you said it, Ashlyn is first John one nine. If we freely admit that we have sinned and confess our sins.

He, being God, is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. That is to the church. Right. Those are to people who know [00:14:00] Christ. And John is saying right there, if we admit that we have sinned, okay. Well, okay. Obviously there's, it doesn't mean I got saved. Now I can't goof.

I can't mess up. I can't goof up. Well, yeah, it's gonna happen. Yeah. It's just what that means is you don't set out to do it. Nobody wakes up in the morning and says, you know, I really want to screw up as much as I possibly can today. That's what I, that's the kind of day I want to have. Nobody does that. No, that would be a pretty bad day.

But if you jump back a scripture before that. In verse 8 check it out. This is what John says if we say we have no sin. Let me read This is from the Amplified. Let me just read it If we say we have no sin refusing to admit that we with that we are sinners We delude and lead ourselves astray in the truth Which is which the gospel presents is not in us and does not dwell in our hearts [00:15:00] So don't lie.

Yeah, he's saying it doesn't you're going to mess up You're gonna goof up, but nobody sets out to do it. You see it, you recognize it, Lord, forgive me, I'm sorry. And it says that when I do that, when I do that, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. So we literally, that's the beauty of the sacrifice of Christ.

It's, we're washed. I never understood. It seemed like such a paradox for so long. We're washed by the blood. How in the, anybody, just show of hands, has anybody had blood run all over a piece of clothing and you thought, well, that's clean. Right. Glad that happened. Nope. Nobody. Nobody says that. Matter of fact, when that happens, I go to mom and go, How do I get this out?

Yeah. Jesus. Jesus [00:16:00] blood washed away all my stains. I thought blood brought stains. Right. I'm confused. Like, what is this they speak of? These Christians are so weird. And now I'm claiming to be one. But then it's learning. Right. What that really means. Right. I mean, there's a whole, we could, oh my gosh, we could have a...

Six and a half hour Bible study. Yeah, we don't need

six and a half hour Bible study. I'm too tired for sin, paid for all sin. And in doing so, when we accept His sacrifice, make Him our Lord and Savior, it washes all our sin away. We no longer have sin before God. Right. Which means when God looks at us, He sees Christ. So when we say father, I'm sorry, it's it's forgiven.

It is forgiven. It doesn't mean that Paul, again, Paul talks about this [00:17:00] in his letters. It doesn't mean because of that, we can wake up in the morning and go, well, you know, I've got this one bad habit. Uh, God will still love me. Yeah, no, it's not okay to do that. God will still forgive me. Um, God loves you and God forgives you.

He loves you enough to meet you where you're at, but he loves you too much to, he loves you too much to leave you there. Yeah. Like, let's start moving forward. Let's see, what can we do? And I know it's hard. I know it's tough, but, uh, behold, I am the God of all fleshes or anything too difficult for me. Uh, no.

No is the answer to that. I know that, that mindset is something that I struggle with when I was going through my issues with, uh, Well, God'll just forgive me because He loves me. And, so, I, I didn't do a lot of things out of that mindset, but it was definitely a going into it and knowing that I, what I was about to do was wrong.

Mm hmm. [00:18:00] Like, uh, it'll be fine. Yeah. Or just even getting complacent about it, like, yeah, I know it's wrong, but whatever. So it was realizing, because I did feel very unworthy of coming to him, and that was, that was just, all I felt was unworthy, like, I am not worthy to sit in your presence right now. Yeah.

You shouldn't, I don't even want to be here knowing what I've done, like, I can't. And that, that is something that I have felt in the past that I have never experienced outside of that. Going to pray knowing that I can and just having that immediate like I Shouldn't even be doing this right now Why why why would you love me after this like so it was coming out of that and realizing that?

Yes but and also There's a whole nother side to that of realizing [00:19:00] that he is exactly that scripture that you were saying that If you confess, yes, I've done this, he'll forgive you. And I know that's accepting forgiveness is something that I've, I really struggle with even still to this day, like going to him and being like, God, I'm really sorry.

I screwed up. I didn't mean to and he's like, okay. We can stop talking about it now. I'm like, yeah, but what about that one time that I did this thing? What are you talking about? Yeah, he doesn't want you to bring it up. No. It's time to let it go. See, what you just talked about, that is the, it's, I just heard it today.

Um, there was a gentleman speaking. Um, he's a pastor. And he said, here's the thing with sin. Sin is pleasurable. To your flesh. Yeah, it's not pleasurable to your spirit, but sin is pleasurable to your flesh And until you so you you grow as [00:20:00] you have these habits You enjoy them. Mm hmm Even though the second you're not Engaged in that habit no matter what it is.

I don't care if it's foul mouth. I don't care if it's gossip I don't care if it's looking at things you shouldn't be looking at, reading things you shouldn't be reading. It doesn't matter. The second you, the second you no longer engaged in it, shame and guilt, they just, they grab a hold of you like nobody's business.

Why do they do that? Why do they do that? Because that's what the enemy does. He comes to condemn and he wants you to feel he piles all over you. But this pastor, what he said was sin is pleasurable to your flesh and you'll never truly deal with sin and you'll never truly move past the sin until you love God more than you love that thing.

And when you love God. In that place, it makes everything else [00:21:00] just disappear. And when he said it was so profound, I never really thought to look at it from that angle. But it was so stinking good when he said it. And it was like instantaneous. It was just like going back to the foul mouth that I had even after I came to Christ.

Yeah. Like, I mean, there were certain four letter words that... Um, uh, one in particular, I'm pretty sure you could only have like four other English language words in a sentence with like 10 of those. Well, it was, it was just such a diverse word. There was no other word that could be a noun, adjective, verb, adverb, I mean, whatever you needed that word to be.

Friend. It's that word. It was. And it was horrible. It was. And it was like the more, and I had that conviction and it was like, the more I tried to avoid it, the more I said it. And then the more I said it, the more condemned I felt, like, [00:22:00] how could, I don't even want people. I need to stop telling people about Christ because if I tell people I love Jesus and then I let that flipping word fly out of my mouth, it's going to be like, well, that's a terrible witness.

Right. I don't want to do that. I don't. So you just all this battle in your head and it went away when I stopped thinking about that word and started focusing on God's word and him, right? When that happened, all of a sudden it was like, literally I would get to the end of the day and it would be like, I don't even think I cuss today.

Oh my gosh, I didn't, can you, like, I felt like I couldn't wait to go to, I used to go to celebrate recovery, like as much as I could, I was like, I can't wait, I can't wait to get to a CR meeting so I can share, guys, I didn't cuss today, this is flipping awesome. So it's, I'm telling you, when you put him in that place and you stop [00:23:00] focusing and sometimes that's, that's a struggle for us, especially in this culture.

Oh, absolutely. And this culture, you're, you are, what is, you're popularized by your problems. Oh my gosh. Everything is such a big deal. Oh Lord. Every, like it's, and the more you have that, the more people are like, oh my gosh, he's struggling so much. Oh my gosh. Let's just pray for him, which is good. It's good to pray for people.

But it becomes a mentality where people do it for attention. Yeah. And I'm not saying struggles aren't real. Struggles are very real. You're glorifying the struggle. And it's not. And the only one we're supposed to give glory to is God. Is God. Yeah. Not the struggle. This is so nice. Sorry, you guys can't see it.

I have a new Bible. And it is the single handedly nicest Bible I have ever had in my life. [00:24:00] And it was gifted to me by someone very dear to my heart. So. Blessing. Yes. I like it very much. Would you like to touch the pages, Ashlyn? Not after you've stroked that thing like six times. Touch the page. Touch the page.

Nice page. Feel the good skin. It's so nice. Feels like a Bible. But it's mine, don't touch it. Okay. Okay. Whatever. Oh my gosh. I'm too tired. Have a sit.

Do you know what I figured out about this coffee, so I'm actually not drinking our coffee tonight This is a terrible advertisement for my for our coffee company. I'm not drinking any of our coffee. We bought some We bought some ground coffee from the local grocery market and it's a [00:25:00] It's different It's better on ice than it is hot.

It's gonna sound really stupid but like And I'm not a coffee snob, by the way. I like, I love Black Rifle coffee. Shout out to Black Rifle. You're gonna have to bear with me on this one. But every time I like, take a sip of cold coffee. Yeah. Especially like, that. Like, not out of a straw. I always, like, my eyes start to buzz.

I don't know why. It's really weird. I never have that with our coffee. We need to lay hands on them when this is over. Your eyes are not supposed to buzz. They're not bees. No, they don't like buzz. They're like... Like, they shake and it's really weird, but it's only when I drink coffee like that, like out of like a sippy, not a sippy cup.

I have a bib on right now too for those, I drink from a sippy cup and I wear a bib. Right, right. What the world. Okay. And I don't get that with our coffee. [00:26:00] It's only like when I go to Starbucks or Dunkin or. That coffee. Yeah, it's not Dunkin It's not Starbucks. It's, it's like a, it's a smaller roaster. I wanted to give it a whirl, but.

Yeah, I mean, you're into trying, like, you try all different types of coffee. I'm not a coffee snob. And that's why we picked the roaster that we picked. Because of you guys trying the coffee. But I forgot that my eyes did that when I had coffee until I drank that. And my eyes started to shake and I was like, Oh, caffeine.

Hello. A little flutter right there. Anyway. Yeah. That was my Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. It was very informational. I gotta look that up. Why do my eyes shake when I drink coffee? Oh dear lord. Oh boy. Okay. Why do my eyes shake when slurping coffee? I can't believe this is actually happening right now.

I Yeah. It really [00:27:00] is. All I'm seeing is eyelid twitching from too much caffeine. There you go. It's not the coffee's fault that you've ingested too much caffeine. No, but I haven't had any coffee since this morning. Okay. Anyway, let's move away from the coffee topic. Okay. Okay. Great.

I think that still came through my mic. Wow. I even had my mic muted. Sorry. Yeah. Lots of coffee. Too much coffee, I guess. No. But, no. No. No. So. But what, okay, so what is it like, what, like the, the different things that we deal with? Like, what are some of the things that, I don't want to say that you struggle with because again, I'm not trying to glorify the struggle, but what are some things that, that kind of tripped you up early on in your walk, Kal?

Um, [00:28:00] I don't know. I don't know because God has always been prevalent in my life. Um, I think there are, there are times I feel like I've been forgotten. I understand that. Yeah. So, okay. Hold up now by, by God, by God. Okay. Yeah. I feel like I've been, well, when you don't, you're walking your life good, like you're not doing anything bad and you're praying to him, but you're not hearing from him or you're not seeing.

Um, things come to fruition that you feel like you've been told by him, you know, so you almost feel like there's just like this lull this where nothing's happening. What am I doing wrong? What am I doing wrong? I'm not hearing from like, why did he leave me? When you know that he really didn't leave you, he's [00:29:00] always there.

But it's still like, well, what do I do? What do I do now? Kind of going back to what we were talking about at the beginning. I'm not seeing what I thought I was going to see. So what the heck? So yeah. So I think there are times of that because it's, it's the waiting. You know, if you really think about it, it's like the waiting.

Sometimes you, sometimes you're in the waiting phase. Waiting sucks. And it does. There are times it's really hard. Sometimes you're like, how long do I have to wait? Because in our terms of. Time, you know, we're like, well, I've been doing, I've been waiting for X, Y, Z days, months, years, whatever. But in his terms, it's like five minutes, you know?

So you either need to figure out why you're in the waiting period still. Is there something maybe that he's told you to do and you're not doing? Is there? [00:30:00] I don't know, something, you know what I mean? Like, there's always, but I think those are the times where I've struggled, like had the most issue. I would wager say it's probably more than half of the people who've walked.

It's actually, let's be quite honest with you, it's everybody who's walked with the Lord at some point or another. Yeah. Has gotten that spot where you just kind of, you start to get a little dry and you're like, man, what the heck? Right. Um, and sometimes it's not, sometimes it's not a matter of, you know, is there something I'm not doing that he told me to do that very much can be something that is.

Causing a hiccup, right? There are also times, however, where I think he has to do certain things in our character. I think there are certain things that it's not a matter of, I haven't done what he's told me. It's a matter of, there are some things that he needs to work through with me in [00:31:00] my heart to get me to a place that's ready to receive what he has for me.

Because if he gives it to me now, Uh, it's going to turn into a mess because I'm not ready for it. Well, and I think also sometimes it's, you're in that lull just because maybe someone else hasn't done their part that they have to play too. Because sometimes where the goal is, it has others involved and you may not see it, but he sees it and they have to play their part.

So you're kind of in that waiting phase, waiting for the other people to take the steps that they're supposed to take. And as you mature, I think a lot of times it's. Again, when you're not, and this is something that I'm, and all of us are constantly learning, you never arrive and get to a place where you've got everything figured out.

And if you are at that place, let us know. We will pray for you. Um, but that's not happening on this side of glory. Sorry. No. Um, but as [00:32:00] sometimes when we're in this spot where we're not hearing anything, And it's not, it's just like what in the world and you, you kind of go down that, I don't want to say a checklist, but you, you check your heart.

Yeah. Like, where am I at? And if there's nothing there, you just keep being faithful to do what he told you to do. If this is the last thing I heard the Lord say, kind of like what you were saying, playing off that a little bit. Right. You know, if, if this is the last thing I heard the Lord say to do. And I haven't heard anything different since then.

I'm just going to keep doing what he told me to do and believe that it's coming. It's there. And that, that is very similar to a season that we're, that we're in right now. Yeah, it is. Like we're just doing what he said to do. It's not. It's not that it's been completely bone dry. No, but there are times where it's like, it's not what we thought, right?

So it's like, okay, Lord, we know we heard you say this, right? It's not playing out like we thought it was going to play out, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Yeah. It doesn't mean it's wrong. It's just [00:33:00] because we haven't heard anything else out of that. No. Let's do this. Okay. Lord, do you have something else?

Crickets. Yeah. Okay. We're just going to keep doing it. Yep. Cause that's what you said. So exactly. But it's being faithful. It's, it's being faithful. Knowing. That he is faithful. Yes, that's Where that comes from because every good and perfect gift comes down from god from the father of lights It's that's there is no there is no variance in him.

He is the same yesterday today and tomorrow and forever um There is no we have a blueprint in scripture so to speak. Um, and I mean I say we have a blueprint so to speak in scripture, um, but for every single person that walks this walk It looks different. It does. [00:34:00] There are things, and you'll find people on your journey, on your walk, that you'll have so many things in common with, and you'll be drawn to those people.

And you'll have relationship. And there'll be some people who come from the same background that doesn't look any, their walk doesn't look anything like your walk. Yeah. But there's still a common bond there, the kingdom of heaven inside of you that bonds you all together. And that's when you start, when that starts to click, I think that's when it gets really exciting.

Yeah. Cause that's when it's like, man, it really doesn't matter what you've got going on. You start to realize that he's always been right there and he's just waiting for you to say, father, I need you. And how patient, how patient is God, which there again, there's [00:35:00] another episode we did do. How patient is God.

And we're supposed to reflect that patience to everyone around us, to our family members, to our spouses, to our children, to the authorities over us, to our coworkers, to people who don't like you. Ouch. But you're supposed to, you're supposed to be that patient with everybody. But I'm telling you, when, when the love of God settles in on your heart, all the things that seem really hard suddenly are not hard anymore.

Like you buzz through stuff and you don't even realize you're going through it. You're like, Oh wow, man, that's a situation that like, however, whatever period of time you want to put on it. You know, that's something a week ago used to. Make me really angry, right? Or something that in my past, you know, would have caused blow up, right?

I mean, I can't, I can't [00:36:00] not because of you, obviously, obviously, but I can't even count on my hands. The number of things that we encounter on a daily basis now, where 10 years ago, it would have been like, Oh God, here we go again, right? And I'm saying that's my wife saying that to me. It usually wasn't me.

I can't think of too many instances where I thought that I was saying that about her. Um, but it was just something like she had to, and if you've talked to her about our past, she had to walk on eggshells. I did. Because I was a ticking time bomb. I mean, I was very friendly. I was a very, I've always been a loving person, but there are just certain things.

And it wasn't, I was never like physically violent. I wouldn't like flash out and punch holes in the wall or punch people or anything like that. It would just be a big onslaught of not nice words. And then it was it, it was over. It's not you blew up, but then like a volcano, I [00:37:00] was the one that was things.

Don't just broken. Yeah. That's the part that that's the part we take for granted. Yeah. Okay. You exploded. Now you're all better because you had to vent. Right. But what kind of damage did that do? You know, I always think about that picture, like with the kids and how, you know, I, I've always tried to be really careful, not yelling at the kids because your words.

affect a child so much differently and it affects their self worth when you yell at them. So just so everybody knows, as my wife is talking about this right now, I'm about to feel like I'm the size of an ant because I was terrible about this, especially with my daughter. So, carry on please. So, but it's like yelling at a child, you're getting your frustrations out, but it is damaging their self worth.

That kid's going to remember that for the rest of their lives. Yeah. Sorry, [00:38:00] there's stuff that you said to me when I was a kid that I still like, no, it's okay, seriously, it's okay, but there is, there's a picture of like these words and the words coming out of a person's mouth and how they just almost strangle a child because for a child, they take those words on and it just damages them.

So I think about anytime, you know, anytime you yell at someone, whether it's a child or a person. It's affecting them inside. Especially when it comes from a parent. Yes. As a kid. Yes. As a child. When it comes from a parent. It hurts so much more. Because that, that's the person that's supposed to love you.

When it comes from mom and dad. Unconditionally. Well, obviously if they're saying it, it's the truth. Right? Right. That's. Mm hmm. They know me. That's who I am. So, obviously that's what I am. Yeah. So. So. So.

I just had something pop in my head when she said that. So why is it when you give a kid a compliment, they can't accept it because it's just mom and dad is what [00:39:00] they're supposed to say. Hmm. Ooh, how the turns have tabled. So how the tables have turned. No, no, no, no, no. Michael Scott, mom in the office, he goes, Oh, how the turn tables.

That's just one of my favorite office clubs ever. Okay. Um, I think it's harder for people as a whole. Listen, it was just, that was what you guys are saying. I asked that, it's just that, that question legitimately did pop in my head. Right. But what you got, you're, you're beating on something that's... Yeah, but I think as a whole, it's harder for people to accept a compliment than it is to hear something that's bad and be like, yeah, that...

I think because for somebody to... Give somebody else a compliment. It does not take that much effort, but for you to really blow up at somebody for, I [00:40:00] mean, most people, I mean, some people seriously have anger problems, but for you to blow up at somebody and say some really hurtful things like that's not just something that happens that's been well and up inside of you for a long time.

So I think when you are on the receiving end of both of those things, that thing that somebody said to you, that's probably very hurtful, cares a lot more weight than. Oh, you look so pretty today, or I'm so proud of you. And then the flip side of that, and I see what you're saying, but see, here's the flip side of that.

It's what a lot of times, and kids can't, because they don't, they don't know, they don't understand. But as far as like between adults, when you get older, you realize a lot of times when that blow up comes. That blow up is not directed at, so you're right. You're exactly right. There are things that have welled up.

There are things that have been building, but the unfortunate part of blowing up is it's nine [00:41:00] times out of 10, never the person that you blow up on, it's not them that you're blowing up on. Exactly. It's the stuff that's been welling up and welling up and festering and then it just finally came out. It blows up.

Yep. Like that. And then what? You're like, Oh, shoot. And it goes back to the, I think I've shared this. I know I've shared this with you before. It's like taking a chain and beating on a picket fence. Yeah. You can take that chain and beat on that picket fence and bust it up and then say, Oh man, that thing is marred and it's cracked.

And you can put a fresh coat of paint on that fence and paint over it. But you can still see the dents. You can still see the splits. You can still see where it's broken and the paint doesn't fix it. And unfortunately, that's what we try to do with apologies. We try to just paint over it. Well, it doesn't.

And I'm not glorifying the struggle. I'm not glorifying the damage [00:42:00] done because that's actually what I'm speaking to is the glory of God being able to come in and do that. And an apology just doesn't do it. But God does. Yeah. God does. They can come in and that's the only reason literally you and I are sitting across from each other right now.

It's because no amount of me saying I'm sorry was going to make our marriage better. No amount. I didn't believe your I'm sorrys anymore. Because you still, you didn't believe much of anything. No, because you were still doing the same stuff. Right. You would say, I'm sorry, and that's a habit for everybody.

Everybody would say, I'm sorry to make it better in the moment, but that doesn't make it better. Are you gonna change or not? Because you're not saying you're sorry, because you're sorry. You're saying you're sorry because you got caught. Exactly. There's a difference. Yes. But even after I came to Christ, I had screwed up so much.

Yes. That you didn't you still didn't believe even though I meant it with all my heart Like it was and I cannot remember I got so sick and tired so dreadfully tired [00:43:00] Of hearing i'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop Like I heard that over and over but God was faithful to give me a determination That was like And it was, it was lovingly, but it was, it's funny because there was a time in my life where God was like this loving drill sergeant.

And that sounds like completely, it's like a complete paradox. It doesn't make any sense at all, but it honest to goodness, it's like he was this loving drill sergeant. Okay. And when you would say that I would get, I can't remember praying on God. It's just not fair. And he would say, you're right, it's not fair, but you've done this to yourself.

So I need you to trust me and just keep walking like fine, so I keep walking and it, but it [00:44:00] got to a point to where after about that first, like eight, nine months, maybe even a year, it didn't make me mad anymore. It almost egged me on. So every time I knew you doubted me, it was just like, okay, pal. Watch this.

That's fine. You just go ahead and doubt. But you don't realize you're not doubting me now. You're doubting my God. So you just watch. Even though that you never were, you were never separated from God, all of a sudden he was my daddy. That's my daddy. And you ain't got to deal with me. You got to deal with him.

So you just watch him work. And now, well, here we are.

But this was, this was, this was fun. This was a lot better than... This was like, Be Real Part 2. Yeah, the last one had a little more structure. Yeah, but... I also wasn't here, so I guess I'm like a cool new special edition thing. [00:45:00] You are. We love you. You're not a thing. Oh, there was something I wanted to say before we end this.

When you were talking about the fence thing.

And you were also talking about, Oh, how the turntables about kids not being able to accept compliments, but they accept the negativity of their parents, but place on them stay tuned. Just kidding. I think it's exactly what you're talking about with the fence because when coming from a parent, they almost beat the tar out of a wooden fence with a chain.

And they leave all these, like, gashes and wounds and things that, like, hurt. And then the compliment of, oh, you're so pretty, or I'm so proud of you, it's just painting over it. It's not... Oh, yeah, I can, I can see that. I can see that. That was all I had to say. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was good. That was very good. [00:46:00] It was like, as you were saying, it was like...

Click!

Yeah. Yeah. That was good. That's all. Alright, well. We've enjoyed... Talking through episode 11. You like stutter stuff there. I thought, I thought you were going to close it. So I got real quiet to let you close it. And

then you're like, as long as I don't have to edit this one. The way I had to edit everybody. Thank you for listening to episode 11. This was, well, this was just hanging out and chatting. Yeah. So not a lot of structure on this one, but we will be back. Um, with episode 12 and we'll, well, we'll see what the Lord has.

I'm not sure what it is, but it's going to be good. See you later.